Junior is trying. He's trying really, really hard. And at this point, he thinks he understands most of it pretty well.

The Waynes are different. Everything is different from what it used to be because the Waynes are different from what Father (and even Mother) used to be.

The Waynes value being together and working together. They don't force anyone to be alone, and when they are alone themselves, it's to "have time to themselves" rather than to have time to focus on evil deeds. When they're together, they even prefer to be equals and teammates rather than conquerors over subordinates.

The Waynes value teaching. They let Junior take his time in learning, and they don't make it a painful lesson when he does something wrong, and they teach him more of how wrong and right actually work, not right-wrong or anything like that.

The Waynes value actions that help, not ones that hurt.

That's the biggest thing, Junior is pretty sure. The Waynes want to help, for real. That's just who they are.

So he understands it. That doesn't mean he fully believes it. It's still so hard. It might always be hard.

Junior pulls his head up from Dick Grayson's (Dick's, just Dick's, Junior's trying to get better about calling people by their actual names and not using full names as substitutes for respectful and fearful titles, so just Dick's) shoulder a little. "Dick?"

"Yeah?" Dick says, looking up from his phone, which he's been using one-handed, the other hand and arm wrapped around Junior.

"This is hard," Junior says quietly.

"'This' like the couch, or 'this' like the situation?" Dick asks, already shifting a little on the couch they're on, like all Junior has to do is state that he feels like the couch is too hard and Dick will move to accommodate him.

"Like the situation," Junior says, trying to be brave.

"Which part?" Dick says, putting his phone down on the couch cushion, clearly giving Junior his full attention, something Junior is still getting used to having from anyone.

Junior hesitates.

Dick continues. "Is it the cuddling, or being just you and me at the Manor, or the time of day, or-"

"Living here," Junior says, interrupting Dick without meaning to. Realizing it, he covers his mouth and whispers, "Sorry."

"No 'sorry' needed," Dick says. "Keep going."

"Living here is good," Junior says, bringing his hand down and lacing his fingers togeter in his lap. "It's kind. It's nice. It's good, but it's not what I'm used to, and it's hard. That's hard."

Dick hums, seemingly in understanding. "Yeah. Change is hard, buddy, especially a really big change like this. But you're doing your best."

"I'm doing my best," Junior agrees. "But is it enough?"

"Your best is all you can do. It'll always be enough for the people who love you," Dick says firmly, tugging Junior a little closer with both hands.

They're both quiet for a moment.

Junior chews on his lip, thinking. "Dick?"

"Mm-hmm?" Dick says.

"I didn't want to come here," Junior says. "When all this started, I didn't want to come here. All I wanted was to not come here, not be anywhere, not exist at all."

Dick's hold tightens then carefully relaxes again. Dick asks, "What do you want now?"

"I want to be here," Junior says. "But… I want to not be here as… You know."

"I actually don't know," Dick says.

Junior waves a hand, indicating his own face, hair, body. "I don't want to be here like this. I don't want to be Joker Junior."

Dick pets a hand slowly through Junior's hair, saying, "We don't want you to feel like that's who you need to be either."

"But that's who he made me to be. If I'm not that, then who am I supposed to be?" Junior asks.

"Well, I wouldn't say it's about who you're supposed to be," Dick says. "Maybe it could be about who you want to be."

"I don't know who I want to be," Junior says miserably. "I just know who I don't want to be."

"That's a start," Dick says. "I mean, just as an example, how do you feel about being Timothy Drake?"

"I don't think I want to be whoever that is," Junior says.

"Here's the good news. You get to decide who that is," Dick says, warmth and tenderness threaded through every word.

They're both quiet again, this time for a longer moment.

"Dick?" Junior asks around the lump forming in his throat. "Can I… I think that... Maybe I…"

Junior coughs, trying to force the words out.

"Take your time," Dick says, waiting gently, holding him, giving support with love, just like everyone else in Wayne Manor.

Junior takes a deep breath. "I want to be Tim Wayne instead."