Breaking Point
Throwing himself into a project with no thought for anything else had always been a good way to keep his mind off of other things, but it wasn't working for Hiccup today. The new stables were underway, Eret working closely with the head carpenter, and Hiccup volunteered for any task he could, keeping himself as busy as possible.
Once he had made it to the cove, the night before, he had found Heimdall and Toothless waiting for him. Hiccup hadn't had to say anything for Toothless to pick up on his mood. The faithful Night Fury had done everything he could to comfort his best friend and Hiccup had finally confided in someone, because he could always depend on his dragon.
It had been hard to sleep, his friends' conversation running through his head, reminding him how horrible of a friend he was. How he had come to depend on and trust these very people who would turn on him so easily, while he was struggling with new responsibilities. He had tried to be fair. He had wanted to trust them to do their jobs right.
It had been great to find a friend in Eret, someone who hadn't made him work for his friendship and had accepted him for who he was. That friendship had come more naturally than any other, besides Toothless and maybe Astrid— but theirs was a very different kind of relationship.
That morning, Hiccup had been eager to get up and get to work. He had people start on breaking up the Bewilderbeast tusk into distributable chunks, and had Tuffnut taking down requests for pieces to make into goods. Gobber was left to the forge to make nails and mend tools needed for the stables. Astrid remained in the village to make sure things were running smoothly in town. Hiccup decided to oversee the construction of the stables he had designed in case the construction crew had any questions, but they had assured him that his technical drawings were very detailed and they had none. So, Hiccup stayed and helped in any way he could.
"Hiccup." Eret came up behind his friend who was too busy working to notice that most of the construction had stopped. Wiping sweat from his forehead, Hiccup turned around to face Eret.
"What is it?" Hiccup asked, expecting to be needed for another task.
"It's well past noon, everyone else has had a lunch break, and now we're switching out workers." Eret pointed out, gesturing at the lack of people in the area.
"Oh. I didn't realize how late it was." Hiccup lied. He had noticed, but didn't want to stop working and let his mind wander. He also didn't want to leave the area and risk running into his friends, or former friends. He didn't really know how to refer to them now.
"Yeah, the others told me how you tend to throw yourself into projects." Eret chuckled. "They asked me to check on you before you work yourself to death."
"I'm fine, Eret." Hiccup replied, almost curtly. He couldn't stop himself from over-analyzing how he interacted with Eret now. Did he really give Eret special attention? Did he treat him better than the others? He didn't mean to, he was just excited to have made a friend who seemed to get him.
"...are you sure?" Eret raised an eyebrow, looking Hiccup over to see if he could spot what was wrong with his new friend. Hiccup was always so polite and kind, he wasn't acting like himself. "You've worked really hard today, I doubt anyone would mind if you took a break."
"I don't need a break, just, go do your job." Hiccup turned away from Eret and went back to taking measurements and making marks on the wood.
Eret watched as his new friend turned his back to him. He didn't get it, Hiccup was his friend. He had done everything he could to make Eret feel welcome and to have a place on Berk, now he was openly rejecting him. With a look of hurt, Eret left Hiccup to his work, although he planned on having some food sent to the interim chief anyway. Perhaps having something to eat would help with his mood.
Hiccup immersed himself in his task. He was trying to stop letting his guilt get to him since he felt so bad about how he had brushed Eret off. He was a terrible at being a good friend, apparently. He just couldn't please anyone. He was either hurting his old friends or hurting his new ones. Hiccup really didn't know what to do. Being kind to Eret was apparently betraying the others, but ignoring Eret wasn't an option either. He felt like he just couldn't do anything right. He couldn't even return home and talk to his parents. Hiccup just really wanted to talk to Astrid, but he hadn't had the chance to have a private moment with her.
"Hey, Mr. Grumpy." A rough voice said from behind him, startling him from the thoughts he was trying to keep out of his head. Hiccup turned around to see Ruffnut, carrying a plate of food.
"Ruff?" Hiccup didn't know what she was doing there.
"Astrid let me switch to kitchen duty, so don't be mad that I'm not working with Gothi." Ruffnut defended herself.
"You could have asked me if you wanted a new task." Hiccup said quietly, not meeting Ruffnut's eyes. He fidgeted with the tool in his hand. Since when was it so hard to talk to the people he used to be so close with? He had messed up with Eret, and now he found himself over-analyzing his interaction with Ruff, too. Everything that came naturally to him was suddenly something he had to think very hard about doing.
"A request was sent to the kitchens to send a plate of food to the hangry, interim chief." Ruffnut stated her business.
"Hangry?" Hiccup had no idea was she was saying.
"Yeah, it's a word that Tuff and I invented." Ruffnut explained. "It's when you get so hungry that you start to get cranky, or angry. It's rather fitting in our opinions, especially for Vikings."
"Huh. Yeah, that's interesting." Hiccup agreed, again in a quiet voice.
"So, here's your food." Ruffnut held the plate out in front of him so that he would have to take it. "Maybe next time, take a break."
"Thanks." Hiccup started to thank her, but she was already walking away. He felt even worse than before. He knew it had to have been Eret who had sent for food for him. Eret was still being a good friend to him, even though Hiccup had failed him. Then Ruffnut, who resented him, had to come all the way down there to serve him food. She had to serve him. He felt so embarrassed. After everything they had said about him the previous night, he had put her in a situation where she had to go out of her way to bring him food.
With a sigh, he set the food aside so that he could go back to his task. He just wanted everything to be built so that his dad could take over as chief again and he could make himself scarce.
—
The cold air hit her as she acted as a barrier against the wind, arms stretched wide and head back, taking in the freedom of flying above the clouds at high speeds. She had missed this. The freedom of the skies, the sole companionship of her dear, dragon friend. Valka was very grateful to Stoick for being willing to let her go so she could have some time alone with Cloudjumper.
She was pleasantly surprised at how understanding Stoick had been about her bond with the Stormcutter that had whisked her away from her husband. He had taken the time to get to know Cloudjumper better. They had even switched dragons for a day, so Valka could bond with Skullcrusher too.
Valka couldn't help the chuckle that escaped her at the thought of her husband's name for his dragon. It was very much a name Stoick would come up with. Hiccup had been lucky, she mused, to not have some ridiculous, over-the-top Viking name.
Speaking of Hiccup, she wondered how he was doing. He hadn't been around lately, returning so late that she was asleep before he returned, and waking so early that he was gone before she woke. She resolved to find him that day so she could ask him how he was doing. Valka was glad for the time to get to know her husband again, but she was also there to get to know her son.
"It's time to return home, Cloudjumper." Valka bent over to pat her dragon's head. She smiled as she realized that she had just referred to Berk as home. She was beginning to adjust and to be able to see a future with Berk as her home— her husband at her side, watching their son get married and grow into the great chief he was meant to be. Someday, getting to play with her grandchildren. That sounded like a good life.
She had a lot of her nest-dragons on Berk, too. Toothless was a good dragon, he would lead them well. It was like having the best of two worlds. She did miss her Bewilderbeast, but had come to accept things as they were. She also wished things could have been different for Drago's Bewilderbeast, but that wasn't to be, apparently. The dragon was too far gone.
"What?" Valka was torn from her thoughts as they flew over Berk. There were people hacking away at the Bewilderbeast tusk, breaking off chunks to be distributed and used. She was shocked and upset. It seemed so disrespectful. The poor Bewilderbeast had been bullied into submission, then lost its tusk in a battle it probably never wanted to fight in the first place. That dragon wasn't likely to ever grow a new one, leaving it unbalanced for the remainder of its life, and here these people were, using it like some kind of a resource.
She was supposed to meet up with Stoick. He had flown to their new, favorite spot with a picnic dinner, on the other side of the island, but she couldn't help it, she needed to go down and see why this had been allowed. Valka directed Cloudjumper to the ground and she jumped down.
"What is going on here?" Valka demanded an answer.
"Distribution of ivory for the making of goods." Tuffnut answered, looking down at his bundle of papers. He wasn't nearly as organized as Fishlegs, but they made sense in his head. "Would you like me to put you down for a piece?"
"No!" Valka answered with indignation. "Who authorized this?"
"Uh, I believe it was Hiccup who gave Gobber the go-ahead." Tuffnut answered, not quite understating what the problem was.
"This is- I can't even-" Valka was so upset she couldn't even voice her thoughts properly. If given the chance, would these people go and harvest the ivory from her fallen, beloved Bewilderbeast too? "Where is Hiccup?"
"I, uh." Tuffnut wasn't sure if he should set her on Hiccup, even if he was upset with his friend. "I think he was helping with the construction of the new dragon stables."
"Dragon stables." It wasn't even a question. So, Hiccup had allowed the use of the tusk and had gone ahead with his plans for the dragon stables. Had she not gotten through to him? Did he always just do whatever he wanted? She turned from Tuffnut, abruptly, and mounted her dragon. "Let's go, Cloudjumper."
Valka needed to have a conversation with her son, and it wasn't going to be the pleasant one she had planned to have with him earlier.
—
Cloudjumper landed amongst the organized chaos of the construction site, causing a gust of air to hit the workers, and confusing them with her sudden presence. Valka slid off of her dragon companion with purpose and looked around for her son. It didn't take long before she narrowed in on her target.
"Hiccup." Valka marched up to her son, who was currently in the middle of directing the construction of one of the many stables, as dragons flew in with fresh lumber. She was not happy, and seeing the dragons being put to work to help out with the infernal stables only made things worse. "I think we need to have a discussion about some things."
Hiccup twirled around to face his mom, surprised by her fierce tone of voice. He didn't know what she was even doing there, he hadn't seen her in days. He also really didn't feel like dealing with whatever problem she was going to bring to his attention, he already had so much on his mind and didn't know how much more stress he could handle.
"What." It wasn't really a question, more of an impatient demand.
"What are you doing to these dragons?" Valka gestured around her. "They're majestic beasts, not slaves."
Hiccup bit back an angry response. His mom didn't understand how things worked on Berk nowadays. He was conscious of the attention they were gaining from the workers, but continued anyway. "Mom, they're not slaves. They're contributing members of our society."
"They're not Vikings either." Valka stated firmly.
'Speak for yourself, I earned that title a long time ago!' Toothless huffed from next to Hiccup, having felt the need to be by his distressed friend's side as much as possible for the day. The corner of Hiccup's mouth twitched in amusement at his dragon companion's comment, unheard by everyone else.
"Look, the dragons of Berk aren't like the dragons of the wild." Hiccup moved on with his explanation. "Mine and Fishlegs' studies have shown that Berkian dragons think on a higher level. They aren't completely driven by instinct. They've been trained, and the constant mental stimulation allows them to take in information and evaluate a situation in a way that wild dragons can't. Some of our dragons can even solve complex puzzles, whereas instinct driven dragons don't even know what to do with it."
"That's all very impressive, but they aren't meant to be worked like this." Valka stubbornly stuck with her argument and Hiccup suppressed a sigh.
"Everyone is expected to play their part and contribute, as its everyone's home, including the dragons." Hiccup felt like he had stepped into his dad's role, and the weight on his shoulders suddenly seemed to get heavier at the thought. Since when was he the more responsible one? Oh yeah, since his father started acting like a love-struck fool. He was reassured by Gobber's former words, that he and Astrid had never acted like that.
"I don't think you understand, Hiccup." Valka changed her tone, like she was talking to a young child who couldn't grasp a simple concept. "They're dragons. This isn't their responsibility. They should be free to do as they please. They're intelligent, yes, but they are still wild animals. And having them work on the very stables that will contain them? That's just cruel irony."
"They are free. No one is forcing them to stay here." Hiccup was losing his patience. "But Berkian dragons are expected to contribute and work, just like the people, and they understand that. If your dragons want to stay, they can, but they'll have to learn and adapt. If they want to go, they can go!"
"The alpha is meant to protect and provide for his dragons. This isn't the way." Valka remained firm.
"You mean this isn't your way." Hiccup's voice grew fierce and he knew he was close to crossing a line, but some things needed to be said. "You adapted to live amongst the wild dragons. You changed to live amongst them. But Berk is a settlement of Vikings, this is a civilization of people that dragons have chosen to be a part of. They are adapting to live here, with us, by choice."
"Hiccup-" Valka started to argue, but Hiccup wasn't done.
"No." Hiccup was fed up with this, with everything, of being cast aside and overlooked. He was a pushover and he let people walk all over him. But no more! "When we made peace with dragons, dad and I came to an agreement. Dragons could stay on Berk, but they had to contribute to the village. They couldn't just move in and do nothing. Dragons can stay on Berk, but they are expected to be contributing members of our society. Toothless knows this and accepts this. He's not like your alpha, he leads in his own way. He can't provide food for all the dragons on his own, and he shouldn't have to. He can't even fly by himself! A leader isn't meant to take on everything on his own, the dragons have to work too."
"Not like this. You're using them as tools to fly in lumber and carry heavy things. To do what you need them to do." Valka wasn't done arguing. "What happens if one refuses to work? What if you can't control them? Then what will you do?"
Hiccup narrowed his eyes, he didn't like what was being implied. Hiccup did not control the dragons. "None have refused, Toothless has let them know they need to help if they want this to be their home."
"So you control the alpha, and he relays your message." Valka said with surprising calm. Hiccup nearly flinched at the unsaid, implied, next words. Like Drago. At least, those were the words that came to his mind, to finish Valka's thought.
Toothless started growling at Hiccup's side, he didn't like being used against his brother in an argument. Toothless was not controlled by Hiccup, they worked together as a team. Toothless willingly listened to his friend and let him know if he disagreed with something. Valka spared the Night Fury a glance as he growled at her for the first time since finding out who she was.
The people around them were completely silent. They had all stopped working a while ago, in favor of listening to the heated argument between mother and son. They had seen Stoick and Hiccup argue plenty of times. That was nothing out of the ordinary, really. However, they would never have expected it from Valka and Hiccup.
Eret was completely surprised by the turn of events. He hadn't seen Hiccup so defensive and fierce before. He wondered if Valka was part of the reason Hiccup had been so touchy earlier. If that was the case, then maybe he owed Hiccup an apology, for stressing him out further.
"I don't control Toothless. He's my friend." Hiccup said quietly, he was losing his determination to defend his position. He had stepped up, so that his dad could take the time to rebuild his relationship with his wife. Yet, despite every effort he made, it was like everything was falling apart around him. Nothing he did was right, his friends hated him for every decision he made. Hiccup felt like he couldn't do anything right and now here was his mother, joining in on the criticism. At least she had the courage to say it to his face as opposed to behind his back.
"Then act like a friend. You should treat him better, and all the dragons." Valka reprimanded, and Hiccup snapped. Now he was a bad friend to Toothless? She dare get after him for his actions? Like she had been there to mother him all these years. She didn't have the right! Especially since he didn't mean anything to her, she only cared about the dragons. Once he had shown that dragons weren't his only interest, suddenly he wasn't good enough for her.
"If I know how to be anything, it's how to be a good friend to Toothless." Hiccup's voice rose and he spoke firmly and with anger. "He taught me what friendship is. He was there for me when I had nothing, when I had no one! And where were you? I know what loyalty is, I've never done anything but care for my people and care for the dragons, but is that enough for you or dad? No! I've never been enough for either of you! I'm not good enough to be a proper chief and I'm not good enough to be a friend to dragons! No matter what I do, you'll always both be disappointed in me." Hiccup stepped closer to Valka as his volume rose, and she looked completely taken aback. "So why don't you take Cloudjumper and your precious nest-dragons that meant more to you than I ever did, and leave!"
Everyone was shocked by Hiccup's outburst and they remained silent as he turned away from his mom and stormed off. No one had ever seen Hiccup like that before. Toothless snorted angrily before trotting after his best friend, loyally. Valka's eyes were wide and filled with concern. She hadn't wanted things to go this way. She had let her anger and indignation get the better of her.
Valka suddenly realized that all eyes were on her and she felt incredibly ashamed and uncomfortable. She leapt onto Cloudjumper's back and he took her far away.
—
Hiccup had left the work site far behind him as he walked at a brisk pace, but he didn't leave the situation behind. The argument kept playing though his head. The things his mother had said and implied. The events of the past weeks wouldn't stop coming to mind either. He felt so restless and unhappy. He was worked up and didn't know what to do with the energy. His angry thoughts wouldn't stop.
Hiccup, with Toothless trailing behind and cooing in worry, didn't stop or even notice where he was going until a massive dragon landed in front of him, startling him from his thoughts.
"Hiccup." Stoick said in a dark tone as he jumped down from Skullcrusher. He had landed in front of the stairs that led to the Great Hall, not far from the Village Square, and there were many people out and about.
Hiccup looked up at his dad, his eyes wide in surprise. He hadn't even realized where he had been going as he fumed and stormed though the village. He was startled to see how angry his father looked, he hadn't looked that way in a long time.
"What is this I hear about how you treated your mother?" Stoick was beyond angry. He had shown up at the building site of their new, extended dragon stables to ask Hiccup if he had seen Valka, who was supposed to have met up with him. However, Hiccup had not been there and the workers were acting incredibly uncomfortable. Once they had spilled what had happened, Stoick had flown around Berk in search of Valka, but she was nowhere to be found. So instead, he had found Hiccup. "What is wrong with you? How could you yell at your own mother like that?"
"I-" Hiccup snapped out of his shock and became angry. He only wanted to justify his actions, although he felt a bit guilty as well.
"No. Nothing excuses such behavior!" Stoick interrupted Hiccup. "I can't find her anywhere on Berk! We just got her back and you ran her off!"
"I was just trying to explain to her about the agreement we came to, for the dragons to live on Berk!" Hiccup finally got a word in. "She wouldn't listen. The dragons-"
"This isn't about the dragons, Hiccup!" Stoick looked exasperated. "This is about your mother. Are the dragons the only thing you care about? What about your people, what about your family?"
"I'm trying to get us to all work together, she didn't agree! But if the nest-dragons want to live here, they have to adapt. I thought you would agree with that. They're your rules! I'm just abiding by them." Hiccup endeavored to explain.
"Valka knows more about the dragons than you do, maybe you should be listening to her." Stoick defended and Hiccup almost scoffed. His mom knew about dragons, she knew how to live amongst them. The dragons of Berk were something else entirely. Their way had been working ever since the war with dragons had ended.
"Her way won't work. Not here, not on Berk." Hiccup was losing his fight again. He was so sick of always feeling like he needed to defend his actions. He was done being attacked for everything he did. He was done with this. He was done trying to be a chief. He was done with family. He was done with friends.
"You don't know that, and that is beside the point." Stoick fumed. "You treated your own mother with disrespect. That is not how a future chief should act. I don't remember the last time I felt so ashamed of you."
Hiccup didn't respond. He couldn't, he had completely shut down at his father's words. He felt nothing, not even that familiar ache in his chest. He saw nothing, just looked forward without cause. He was barely even registering what his father was saying anymore. All Hiccup really knew, was that his father loved his mother more than he had ever loved his son. That he didn't have a place in this family. He never had. If he was swallowed up from existence right now, he wouldn't care. He would welcome the end... he hadn't had thoughts like that in a while.
Stoick was climbing back onto Skullcrusher. "Now I have to go look for your mother and ask her to return, since I'm still always fixing your mistakes!" With that, Stoick took off on his dragon, leaving Hiccup standing there, unmoving and unresponsive, surrounded by a crowd of people who didn't know what to do.
Toothless crept forward, he wasn't getting anything from Hiccup. He sensed only emptiness. He bumped Hiccup with his nose, but he didn't respond in any way. He continued to stand there, staring blankly ahead, no emotion on his face. 'Hiccup?'
Astrid finally stepped away from the crowd of people, Gobber hobbling behind, and approached Hiccup from the side. He didn't acknowledge her, even as she gently placed a hand on his shoulder.
Gobber walked around them so he could face Hiccup from the front. He knew Hiccup very well and had never seen him react like this before. It was unnerving. "Hiccup?" Gobber spoke, but still didn't receive a reaction. "Why don't we get you back home?" He moved to take Hiccup's arm and lead him, but Hiccup did not want to go. Not there. That was no longer his home. It hadn't felt like one in a while now. Just like how it used to be.
Hiccup pulled back his arm and refused to go and Gobber was at a loss. The people were starting to get worried. They hadn't ever seen Hiccup like this before either. This time around, they weren't so sure Hiccup deserved such public humiliation and reprimand. He had been working hard for them, while Stoick got reacquainted with his wife. They appreciated Hiccup's hard work and his sacrifice on their part.
"Hiccup, come on." Astrid laced her hand in his and led him away from his home. She knew where he would want to go, it was his safe haven. Astrid gently and quietly led Hiccup in the direction of the woods, to the path that led to the cove, and Hiccup let her, though he said nothing.
—
A/N: Thanks for reading! The story should be picking up from here, I have a lot planned for this story and I'm excited to write it all and share it with you! I appreciate the feedback and the support!
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Review Responses:
Silver Sentinel: I feel like Hiccup got over things way too quickly in canon and that it would be likely that his past doubts would come back with a vengeance. He's pushed forward, ignoring the way things used to be, for a while now, and a past like that doesn't just go away overnight. A person doesn't heal from something like that so easily. I think Hiccup should have struggled more with his past in canon, but they didn't really ever address it, too concerned with other plot lines. So, I will! Valka and Hiccup finally butted heads over the dragons, what did you think? Hiccup's friends were out of line and there will be more with them later.
Twilight81598: Hiccup did explode in this chapter, it was about time too. Everything had been building up for a while. Thanks for the review!
Animation Adventures: I think the tusk fell onto the ground in the movie. I always wondered what they did with that thing, so I decided to add it in my story. Yeah, the Dragon Riders should have talked to Hiccup about how they felt instead of complaining about him behind his back. There is some miscommunication and some misunderstandings on both sides. There will be more to come with them in later chapters. Haha, I guess the twins did just invent Murphy's Law, in a way. They apparently also coined the term "hangry" as well.
CHSHicstrid: I'm not sure if you're reading this story too, but I really appreciated the reviews you posted for all of my other stories! I'm glad that you liked them. Thanks for all the wonderful compliments and for taking the time to read my work and review.
