Facing Truths
Their relief was short-lived. Once Valka had cleaned the deep wound, stitched it up, and bandaged it, Hiccup seemed to be okay. He was weak and pale, would probably be out for a while, but was out of danger. She and Stoick had just sat there, looking down at their son, their hands stained in his blood.
The shock of Hiccup having stumbled into camp, bleeding and disoriented, was starting to fade and all that was left was a hollow feeling and relief that their son was alive.
It wasn't long after, that Hiccup's breathing had picked up again, his face contorted in pain, and he started tossing and turning in his sleep.
"What's happening? What's wrong?" Valka felt panicked immediately, fearing that she had missed something. She moved to look Hiccup over for further injury, but a hand to her shoulder stopped her. Her head whipped around to look at her husband in confusion and some anger, she needed to make sure their son was okay.
"I've seen him like this before." Stoick spoke quietly, saddened by the whole situation. "It's his leg." He's gestured toward Hiccup's prosthetic.
After a moment of consideration, Valka figured that Stoick would know more about Hiccup's past injury and was probably right. Hiccup was gasping in pain, though still unconscious, and his leg looked to be tensing up. She immediately went to carefully remove his prosthetic, making a sympathetic face when she saw how irritated the stump looked.
The parents were both grateful, at least, that it was just Hiccup's amputation that was bothering him, and not something more serious. This, Valka could take care of, and it didn't threaten her son's life. She massaged the stump until Hiccup finally relaxed, though a soft whimper escaped his lips. Then she applied some medicines and wrapped it.
Her hand hovered over the bandage as she took in the sight of the incomplete limb. That had been the first time she had really gotten a look at it. And... it was starting to truly sink in, what had happened to her little boy. He had only been fifteen... An amputation at fifteen. Could she have prevented that from happening?
"It's my fault..." Stoick spoke softly once more, referring to the lost limb. He had watched his wife care for their son, feeling more useless than he ever had. Valka tore her gaze from her son's amputation and looked up at Stoick.
"No..." Valka disagreed, lowering her gaze in shame. "It's mine."
They had done so much damage to their son, but Valka thought the problem started with her. She traced an edge of the bandage with her finger, it had been the second one she had applied to Hiccup. The first, to an injury she thought was self-inflicted that she felt she had driven her son to. The second, to an older injury that would affect her son for the rest of his life. Both caused, because she had started her family on a path to destruction.
At least Hiccup was alive. His injuries had been taken care of and now all they could do was wait, so that when he woke, they could start treating his other wounds... the ones that went deep into his soul.
—
The rise and fall of Hiccup's chest had evened out and normalized, which was an incredible relief to Stoick as he sat there, just watching his son breath. He was taking comfort in the movement, assured of the fact that his son was alive. Despite that reassurance, however, it did not make him feel peace at heart. No, nothing could do that for him in that moment as he lingered on the idea that he had done this to Hiccup, to his own son.
This was all his fault.
All that time during Hiccup's childhood when he should have been encouraging him and helping him to grow, learn, and thrive, Stoick had been doing the opposite. Tearing him down, criticizing, telling him he had to be better, he had to be... someone else. How had it not occurred to him the amount of damage he was doing? Damage that was still affecting his son today.
It wasn't that he didn't like Hiccup, and despite the excuses he had given his son, it wasn't really even that he didn't understand him. He had understood Hiccup to a degree, just like he had understood his wife to a degree— but it had pained him to look at his son and see his late wife. He had failed her, hadn't been able to save both his son and his wife. Then, his son had turned out to be a lot like her.
Stoick had been weak, he had let his grief taint him everyday, in every action. Having Hiccup around had been painful, and more than that, letting Hiccup be the way he was, was a danger. If Valka, a strong and capable warrior, despite her size, could be taken so easily and suddenly, how would his little Hiccup fair? He would lose his son too, in no time.
He couldn't lose his son. No, Hiccup had to change, he had to be stronger, he had to be like everyone else. He had to live.
What good had all that done? All Stoick had managed to do was push his son away and convince him that he wasn't good enough, that he wasn't loved. But Stoick did love his son, very much. That love fueled his actions, but so did his grief and fear.
Now Hiccup was full of insecurities and doubt. He was convinced that his parents didn't want him, had never wanted him. He thought himself weak. He thought the worst of himself. And Stoick had done that, he had done that to his son and would hate himself for it for as long as he lived.
Stoick's eyes dropped down to look at Hiccup's bandaged arm, his long sleeve pulled over and causing a lump in the fabric. The cut had been deep. It had required stitches. Valka had been so worried, but had kept a level head. Stoick had been useless as he watched— shocked, afraid, and full of guilt. He didn't possess a lot of healing knowledge and he thanked the gods that Valka did, that she was able to put aside her feelings and act. She had taken care of the arm, had cleaned him up, and changed his shirt. Valka hadn't forced Stoick to do anything, hadn't gotten after him for sitting there like a useless lump. She had seen the shock and despair on his face and had let him be. Eventually, she had handed him a cup of Hiccup's chamomile tea and left him to watch over their son while she went to try and get the bloodstains out of Hiccup's shirt at the stream. She would likely return and attempt to mend it. She had always liked to keep busy, especially when she had something on her mind... just like Hiccup.
Stoick wondered if things would have been different if he had been able to answer Hiccup's question. If Stoick had been able to articulate all of his feelings from the past and explain to his son what had fueled his decision making back then, would Hiccup have still gotten so upset? Was it possible to help Hiccup understand? Did it even matter...? Even if Hiccup knew, Stoick still felt like he deserved his son's hatred and anger, not that Hiccup was prone to such feelings. Knowing the reasons for his past actions did not make them any better. Answering Hiccup's question... it would have always led to him getting upset, would have led to exactly where they were right now. All because Stoick had messed up, because he had hurt his son deeply and it had only gotten worse with time.
A feeling of hatred and bitterness was starting to build up inside, except that they were directed at himself. Was this how Hiccup felt for so long? Like he wasn't good enough, that he never was and never would be? That he didn't deserve to be loved because all he was, was a big failure? How ironic, Stoick thought, that he should feel that way now.
—
The water flowed over her hands and through her fingers, soaking the bloodstained fabric and tainting the water a wispy red. Valka was not completely focused on her task, having used it as an excuse to leave camp— leave her family— for just a little while.
New tears started to run down her cheeks. She had done it again, hadn't she? Instead of dealing, instead of being there for her husband and son, she had left. She had convinced herself that it would be good to get the stain out of Hiccup's shirt and repair it, so that a new one wouldn't be needed. It was in everyone's best interest if she was gone. She was the one who was out of excuses.
This was all her fault.
She had been happily married, had loved her husband, and had been so happy to find that they were finally, finally going to have their first baby. Her baby boy had been a miracle, an answered prayer. She had loved him so much.
When their home had been on fire, her only thoughts had been of her son. Valka had seen that large dragon and had been prepared to take its life, to strike it down for her son's safety, despite her reluctance to kill dragons. She would have, for her son.
However, that dragon had not posed a threat, it had been playing with her baby, cooing at him. How could she kill the dragon after seeing that, seeing the proof right there in front of her— that dragon's weren't what everyone thought they were. Or, at least, this one wasn't.
As it turned out, she hadn't had to do anything, Stoick had come racing in to save the day. He had knocked the dragon around without a second thought, without stopping to see and observe. Valka hadn't known what to do. Other than the spreading fire, there was no threat to Hiccup. Their baby would be safe from the dragon and Stoick had picked up the little bundle and held him safely in his arms.
That was the last she had seen of her husband and child for twenty years. Stoick, watching her get taken away as he held onto their precious baby boy. Valka could remember the look of desperation, guilt, and sorrow on his face. She had done that, she had caused her husband so much pain. How could she have done that to the one she loved?
When the Stormcutter had flown away with her, joining the flock of dragons leaving Berk, she had been afraid. The dragon had been kind to her baby, but being taken away was a death sentence, or so they had all thought. Perhaps it would have been, but something called Cloudjumper away from the flock, had broken the hold the Red Death had over him. He had flown to the Alpha dragon's nest instead and set her down in an icy cave.
At first, yes, of course her first thoughts had been how she could possibly make it back to her husband and her son, as soon as possible. However, the Stormcutter had her trapped, was blocking her way out— though she had no idea how to get out and across the ocean back to Berk on her own anyway. With hardly any other options, Valka had explored the ice caves. She discovered that it wasn't just the Stormcutter, that most dragons were good. They had been sweet to her, had brought her offerings of fish, and accepted her.
Befriending Cloudjumper had been an amazing thing, it had opened her eyes. She could see that the dragon shared a connection with her, that they were very similar. And that... made her feel conflicted. Here she now had the means to go back to Berk, but then, what about her dragon? Cloudjumper would not be allowed back on Berk, they would kill him. But she longed to hold her baby again, to make sure he was alright. The first few weeks, the first month really, she'd had to watch him so carefully. He had been so fragile and small. Though he had gotten a little bigger and healthier. Surely... he was doing well. If she returned on a dragon all she would do was complicate his world. Even if no one knew that she had returned by dragon and had befriended one— if Cloudjumper remained hidden somehow— how could she possibly stand by and watch the dragons be killed after what she knew now?
She couldn't. She wouldn't be able to fight the dragons and she wouldn't be able to convince the people of Berk to stop killing them. Her reluctance would taint the chief's household, would affect Hiccup. People already thought her odd. If she insisted to Stoick that fighting the dragons was wrong, he wouldn't listen. Valka recalled as her husband had gone straight for Cloudjumper, not even stopping to see— the dragon was not a threat.
Now, however, as she held Hiccup's clothing in her hand and had seen the damage that had been done to him— she could also look back on the past and see. Stoick wouldn't have stopped fighting, because that wouldn't have stopped the dragons from raiding. He was a protector, a warrior, and a war chief. Insisting that they stop killing and fighting dragons didn't do anything because, even if the people weren't so set on killing dragons back then, they would do anything to protect and defend their homes. They weren't in the wrong, defending their homes and their people. The dragons weren't in the wrong since they hadn't had a choice. They wouldn't have stopped raiding because— now they knew— they had been under the control of the Queen. The Queen, she had been in the wrong.
Valka had considered that, the oddity of how the nest dragons were so peaceful, but the dragons that raided Berk were not. Despite that lingering thought, what had she done? Nothing. She had not investigated, she had not tried to figure out why those particular dragons attacked Berk. She had closed the door on her doubts and told herself that it was for the best. Just like she did with her family.
Hiccup, he had gone about things better than she had. He had befriended a dragon, and although he had kept it secret— and what other choice did he really have— he had acted. He tried to show Berk that dragons weren't what they thought they were, he tried to explain about the Red Death, he initiated peace. Valka had run away.
A feeling of bitterness rose in her. Stoick had told her, Hiccup had a tendency to run from his problems too... like her. She could see how her son didn't like to be compared to her. Maybe they were alike, but Hiccup was a better version of herself. He didn't like to talk about his problems, and he did run away from them sometimes, but he never left behind the people he cared about, whether or not they had wronged him. Hiccup and Stoick had not wronged her, but she had still abandoned them. Rather than confront the problems in front of her, rather than fighting for a better life on Berk, a better way, she continued to try and convince herself that Berk was better off without her. Her family was better off without her.
She had been lying to herself, and she had wanted to believe that what she reasoned, was true. She lived a life of deceit and it had worn her down. It tore her apart. She had lived with guilt for so long... and now she felt it even stronger than before.
Her thumb ran over the tear in Hiccup's sleeve, the fabric less tainted by blood than before. A sob escaped her. None of it had been worth it. Not when her son was so hurt by her actions. She had fooled herself and now Hiccup was paying the price for her past choices. What if he had given up a long time ago, and she lived on at her nest, thinking that her son was better off when he was actually gone? She wouldn't have ever known, would never have seen the man he would grow into. She was here now, but had still almost lost him...
Hiccup wasn't the one who should be feeling so unloved and depressed. He shouldn't be the one who thought he was a disappointment. He wasn't a failure, he wasn't better off dead. No, it was she who should be feeling those things instead, and she was. Perhaps her family would have been better off if she had really died that night, as opposed to being taken away. Her husband and son seemed to have been working through things alright until she showed up in their lives. Or maybe, she should have just come back and taken all of that rejection and neglect on Hiccup's behalf. If she had been the one to go through all of that, Hiccup might have been spared all his insecurities and self-loathing. Valka was feeling quite a bit of self-loathing anyway.
—
A groan escaped Hiccup's lips as consciousness came back to him. His head was aching and his arm was throbbing in pain. He took in a sharp breath of air as he remembered what all that meant. He didn't want to be awake to face the consequences of what had happened. Were his parents even more disappointed in him? Were they disgusted by his weakness? Angry at his stupidity? He didn't want to find out, but knew he didn't have much of a choice.
Sensing a weight on his chest, Hiccup forced himself to blink his eyes open, as he wondered what was on top of him. "...Sharpshot?"
"He came flying into camp yesterday afternoon." Valka explained in a soft voice from somewhere nearby. "With a letter."
Hiccup groaned again as he sat up, careful to support his Terrible Terror as he rose, so as to not disturb the sleeping dragon too much. He put a hand to his forehead as he sat upright, a throbbing having started up in his head at the movement.
"Take it slow, Hiccup." His mom's voice ordered, she was kneeling next to him now.
Lowering his hand and opening his eyes again, Hiccup examined his arm. He was wearing a different shirt, one devoid of dark bloodstains and tears. It was an extra that he had brought with him. Darker in color than his usual green. Perhaps he should have gone back to the red though, that way the bloodstains wouldn't have stood out as much. His long sleeves covered up the wrappings that he could feel underneath.
"It required some stitches." Valka informed as she kneeled beside him and set a cup of chamomile tea in his free hand. She also had some food with her. "You need to eat this."
Not wanting to cause any more tension than he could already sense there was, Hiccup gently set Sharpshot in his lap and accepted the food. His mom didn't go away however, much to Hiccup's disappointment. He wanted some space, but she seemed against the idea of giving it to him. Valka was determined to make sure he ate his food and drank his tea.
Out of the corner of his eye, Hiccup saw his father. Stoick was sitting on the log, staring into the flames. Something seemed off about him and Hiccup wondered if he was okay.
Upon finishing his food— feeling awkward about it the entire time— Valka immediately set aside the cup and turned back to him, determination set in her features.
"We need to have a talk, Hiccup. All three of us."
Hiccup sighed. He didn't want to deal with all of this right now. Couldn't they let it go? So he had a few marks on his arms, they hadn't ever been very dangerous. He hadn't done it in years. If he ever felt down, he would seek out Toothless or Astrid and just being with them lightened his mood, made him truly happy. That was a better alternative, and made him feel genuinely loved and wanted. Nothing he had tried before ever made him feel that way, none of it had been permanent, none of it had been real.
All Hiccup wanted to do right now, was tell his parents what had happened out there. He wanted to tell them about the trader and what he had done. He wanted to know what they thought of everything he had discovered. Maybe they could help him piece everything together. What if they had experienced some strange things too, and had dismissed them like he had? He also wanted to go back and retrieve his Dragon Blade, but didn't particularly feel like going back on his own.
"I know what you think you saw, but it's nothing." Hiccup spoke first. "There are more important things for us to deal with right now."
"Hiccup, that wound could have been serious." Valka didn't sound angry, she sounded sad and desperate. "Is that... were you trying to...?" It was really hard to come out and say it. "Did we upset you so much that you decided to kill yourself?"
Hiccup turned to look at her with wide eyes and an alarmed expression. He may have let his mind wander to some dark places, contemplated the end, but he wouldn't ever act on those thoughts. He had a life with Astrid to look forward to, Toothless to return to. Where had such an accusation come from?
"What?" He asked incredulously.
"Your arm, the gash on your arm." Valka explained further. "It could've been serious. If you hadn't decided to come back when you did..."
"I ran back because something startled me out there." Hiccup tried to defend his actions and make his parents understand.
"You couldn't go through with it..." Valka guessed, still looking so upset, but with herself, not Hiccup.
"I didn't do this to myself." Hiccup glanced at his father, surprised that he wasn't yelling at him for being a reckless fool. Shouting at him for endangering his own life. He wasn't looking at Hiccup, he had his eyes closed and he looked so broken— it made Hiccup's heart clench. He was pretty sure he would prefer the yelling and anger.
"We saw the marks on your arm, Hiccup. Astrid told us about them too, she was worried about you." Valka went on.
"Astrid said what?" Hiccup felt a twinge of annoyance. He knew Astrid was aware of it, but she had never brought it up and if she wanted to talk about it then she would have to be the one to say something. Hiccup most definitely wouldn't be the one to speak up first when it came to this.
"She was only worried about you, after everything you said the other night, after your father and I upset you... the first time." Valka defended Astrid's actions, and felt shame at having to make the distinction between the times that she and Stoick had upset their son.
"And she told you about that too?" Hiccup was disbelieving. Astrid wouldn't betray his trust like that.
"No... we were... we were going to talk to you, but we almost walked in on yours and Astrid's private moment. We waited, just on the edge of the cove, and we heard your conversation." Valka finally admitted.
"You... you heard everything I said that night?" Hiccup was mortified. The things he had said... he never wanted them to know about any of that. "Do you not know what privacy is?!" He hoped they had at least left before he and Astrid had admitted to each other how much they wanted kids someday... then proceeded to kiss passionately. Hiccup felt the heat of a blush on his cheeks.
"I'm glad we did hear it." Stoick finally looked at Hiccup, finally spoke. "Now we know how you feel. You weren't ever going to tell us."
"No, I wasn't!" Hiccup confirmed as he became angry at his father's words. "You didn't need to hear any of that."
"Why do you think that? Hiccup, it's the stuff like that, that we do need to hear. Otherwise we can't move forward." Valka said desperately.
Hiccup was shaking his head. "So all of this— coming to this damn island— was just because you heard what I said?"
"Whether or not we had heard how you really feel, we had every intention of trying to make things up to you, to try and become a family." Valka answered almost pleadingly. "Please don't think that any of that stuff is true. We were so happy when you were born. We loved you, we still do."
"Oh, well if you say so." Hiccup responded sarcastically as he started stroking Sharpshot's scales, seeking comfort. He wished for Toothless to be there. Valka looked down in shame, her eyes becoming watery and Hiccup felt a twinge of guilt, she already seemed hurt enough.
"If we had lost you that night, we would have never recovered." Stoick stated. He left his seat on the log and moved to sit closer to his wife and son, on the ground. "We would not be happier without you."
Hiccup took a deep breath and closed his eyes. His mom had been without him for twenty years and his dad may as well have been for most of that time. This wasn't going to go anywhere. He didn't want to argue, he was tired of arguing. So he changed the subject. "Have either of you noticed anything strange on this island?"
"Strange?" Valka asked in confusion, wondering where Hiccup's question had come from and looking contemplative for a moment. Stoick looked away in disappointment, seeing as his son didn't seem to believe his words in the least.
"I found a trap the first night we were here. I almost walked right into it." Hiccup glanced at his father, briefly meeting his eyes. Stoick looked slightly alarmed, but Hiccup saw no anger there. That was... different.
"So you did leave camp that night." Valka had wondered. As she and Stoick had readied for bed, Hiccup had insisted that he just wanted to sit by the fire for a while longer, that he would sleep later.
"I thought I saw something near our camp the next night, I scared it away when I moved to try and get more comfortable." Hiccup continued to explain. For a brief moment, he saw a look on his father's face, as if what he had said had sparked something.
"Hiccup..." Valka wanted to steer the conversation back to their family and Hiccup's feelings. He was trying to distract them from the tough topics, but she was going to insist. There would be no running away from any of them this time around.
"My dagger was missing from my armor the next day, remember? Then, when I went to the stream after our sparring session, I found a bloody arrow. Last night-"
"Hiccup." Valka interrupted more firmly this time and Hiccup went silent. "Last night you were unconscious. You came running into camp yesterday morning, blood dripping down your arm."
"...it's been that long?" Hiccup felt like the world shifted beneath him at the realization. He held Sharpshot closer to him and the dragon started purring. He had thought that he had returned to camp that morning, several hours ago. That man's body had been laying there for that long? That didn't seem right. And what if there was something dangerous on this island?
"Yes, Hiccup. You lost a lot of blood." Valka quieted. "You could have died..."
"We have to go to the west side of the island." Hiccup moved to get up, but Valka stopped him.
"Hiccup, I know I've no right to request something of you that I'm guilty of myself, but you need to stop running away." Valka pleaded. Both she and Stoick didn't like how dismissive Hiccup was being over the fact that he could have died, he didn't seem to think what had happened was a big deal.
"We have to talk about this, Hiccup. I'm sorry we separated you from the ones who are a support to you, by bringing you here. That was our mistake. We thought that if we left Berk, there would be no distractions from us taking the time to focus on our family. Instead... we drove you to this. If Astrid and Toothless had been around, you wouldn't have-" Stoick wanted Hiccup to see the seriousness of the issue, but was interrupted.
"I said that I didn't do this to myself." Hiccup tried to clarify. "You really don't believe me?"
"You're saying someone else slashed you across the arm?" Valka responded, a hint of bitterness in her voice. That was an obvious lie. No one else was on Healer's Island with them.
"Yes..." Hiccup answered, if they would just listen. "How else could this have happened, when I wasn't carrying any sharp weapons?"
Valka gave him an odd look. "You expect me to help you form an excuse?"
"No. But why would I cut through the fabric of my own clothes rather than roll up the sleeve?" Hiccup reasoned, looking down at Sharpshot as he spoke, missing the comfort of his dragon companions. Almost a week without dragons was starting to take a toll on him. He was glad the little dragon was here now. "Will you let me show you something...?"
"Yes, okay." Valka and Stoick had shared a look, Hiccup having brought up a good point. Their son wouldn't talk about what had happened, so maybe letting him show them whatever he was talking about would help him to open up again. Either way, Valka wasn't going to do anything that she thought would upset him, if she could help it. She wasn't going to let him out of her sights either.
As Hiccup moved to get up, Valka stopped him again. He gave her a questioning look, then realized why she'd stopped him this time when she handed him his prosthetic. He accepted it with a quiet thanks and strapped it on.
"Your leg wasn't in the best shape either." Valka commented. "So don't push yourself too hard." But Hiccup was already moving to stand, Sharpshot waking at the movement and climbing onto his shoulder. Hiccup looked around for a moment, before snatching up his satchel and waiting expectantly.
Valka sighed in defeat as she stood, Hiccup wasn't going to listen to her. When she glanced to her husband all he did was shrug, he had expected as much from their son.
—
They both knew they were on the right track to where Hiccup was leading them, if the prints in the occasional patch of dirt and the dripping trail of blood were anything to go by. It was a bit unnerving to see, but both Stoick and Valka were just grateful that Hiccup had made it back to camp so that they could help him.
It wasn't too long before Hiccup stopped in a small clearing, sooner than the two parents expected. There didn't seem to be anything special about the area and they waited for Hiccup to explain himself.
Hiccup was confused. This was the place, he was sure of it. He had fought with the crazy trader right here. The man had... fallen... right there. His body should be there, but it wasn't. Hiccup moved closer to where he was sure the man had been, looking for any sign that he had dragged himself away. Had he survived somehow? There was no trail of blood or drag marks. His Dragon Blade was missing too.
"Hiccup...?" Valka spoke up, watching as he wandered around the area and examined the ground. She exchanged a glance with Stoick. Hiccup was acting odd, ever since he woke up. She was beginning to wonder if he was in the right state of mind or if they had done that much damage to him.
Finally, Hiccup turned to his parents, a look of confusion and alarm on his face. "Look, while I was out here I ended up on the western shore. There was a ship. I followed a trail further into the woods and ran into somebody, right here."
"I thought you said there were no other ships here?" Stoick asked, remembering how Hiccup had mentioned it after coming back from exploring once.
"There wasn't, not then." Hiccup answered, though he could see that he was losing his parents. They didn't seem convinced. He felt brief irritation at their unwillingness to believe him. He supposed that he must have made quite the mess of things when he had all but collapsed in front of them when he had returned the day before. No matter the circumstances, such a thing would be alarming for two parents. "He should have been here."
"I'm confused." Valka stated, and her confusion was evident on her face. "Why would you run back to camp in such a state if you had run into somebody out here, and still want to go back to see him if he is the one who did this to you?"
"...he died... or so I thought." Hiccup didn't want to mention how the man had died, not yet. Then his parents really wouldn't believe him, considering what they thought he had done to himself. Though, the man having died didn't help his story either.
Valka and Stoick exchanged looks of alarm. They weren't quite sure what to believe. Hiccup wasn't one to lie, and when he did, it was usually obvious and he gave in and told the truth not long after. This time he was insisting and he seemed to believe his own inconsistent story.
"You... killed him?" Stoick asked, disbelieving. Hiccup would look guilty if he had taken a life, even if it was in his own defense.
"...no. Not me." Hiccup knew things did not sound good from their point of view. Now he was implying that someone else had killed the man, and that was technically true. His parents didn't even respond this time, just looked at him expectantly. "He didn't seem all there, he kept telling me that we were cruel and evil people for doing things to him. He was all beat up and I don't know what happened to him."
"We?" Stoick asked.
"He was referring to me and... someone else, I don't know who. He implied that we killed his business partner, or brother." Hiccup shrugged, not having been able to make sense of the nonsense the man had thrown his way.
"Then what happened?" Valka asked, hoping some part of this story would make sense.
"He attacked me and I fought back. He managed to get me on the arm." Hiccup explained, once again glancing at his father who he was sure would yell at him, but he didn't, though he also didn't miss his son's look.
"Then he... died." Stoick raised an eyebrow, not understanding. "But you didn't do it."
"He heard something, out there." Hiccup pointed into the trees. "I heard something too, like a rustling sound. When he heard that, he stopped paying attention to me and... lost it. I think he was scared."
"Did someone else show up?" Valka asked with skepticism, this story was getting weirder and weirder, none of it made sense.
"No..." Hiccup looked down, knowing that his parents weren't believing what he was saying, which was disappointing. Coming back with his arm injured had apparently taken away all of his credibility. He had seen things that didn't make sense, had found evidence of some kind. If they had seen it too, they would understand. "He was shouting that he wouldn't let them win, that he wouldn't give them the satisfaction. Then... he stabbed himself." Hiccup got quieter as he neared the end of his sentence.
"He... what?" Stoick asked. Hiccup looked up in exasperation. He didn't want to say it again, he didn't want to relive it in his mind. It had disturbed him.
"He... used his dagger and... killed himself." Hiccup clarified, though it was painful to say. His parents looked alarmed by his words. "He landed right there." Hiccup pointed to where the man had landed on the ground, he wouldn't ever forget that. "I don't understand why he's gone. There's no trace of him."
Stoick walked over to where his son had pointed and examined the ground himself. Hiccup was right, there was no sign of anyone having been there. He met his wife's eyes and shook his head, confirming it.
"Hiccup..." Valka walked closer to her son. "You were upset... maybe you weren't thinking clearly."
"I'm not insane." Hiccup looked affronted. Sharpshot growled from his perch on Hiccup's shoulder, not entirely knowing the situation but at least picking up on the fact that his person needed his support.
"Of course not." Valka agreed gently, sparing the Terrible Terror a glance. "But you were stressed and upset. There's been no sign of anyone else being here but us."
Turning to his father, Hiccup ignored his mom's words. "Are you really just not going to believe me?" Hiccup hated to use this against his dad, but didn't see any other choice. "Remember what happened last time you didn't believe me?"
Stoick sighed, his son was right. He promised himself he wouldn't ever make such a mistake again. He had to give his son the benefit of the doubt. "Can you show us this ship?"
Hiccup nearly sighed in relief as his dad gave him another chance to back his story. He could find the ship again, that would be easy, that would help prove to them that weird things had been happening on this island. Maybe the trap was still by the patch of chamomile too. "I can. But first... I dropped my sword around here somewhere and I want it back."
Both Stoick and Valka helped their son search the area for his iconic sword, but weren't finding it. Hiccup didn't think any of this made sense. He had dropped it near a side of the clearing, but it wasn't there. He supposed it could have rolled away, but it wasn't in the surrounding foliage either. Losing a sword was more likely than losing an entire body, though, and that had disappeared too. He was about ready to give up, accepting the loss, and resigning himself to the idea of having to forge a new one.
On the adjacent side of the clearing, Valka's heart skipped a beat as she looked in the tall grass. She had seen something reflecting light, not far ahead. As she got closer, she saw what it was. It wasn't the Dragon Blade, it was something else that belonged to her son, and it was covered in dried blood.
"Isn't this yours?" Valka had stood up and stepped back into the clearing, gaining the attention of her husband and son. Both of their eyes widened at the sight. It was Hiccup's missing dagger, and it was bloody.
"...what." Hiccup stepped forward to get a closer look. When he reached out to take it, his mom pulled it away. She wasn't willing to give it back to him. Hiccup met her eyes in surprise, realizing what she must be thinking. It didn't look good, his story was quickly deteriorating despite it being the truth. Though, Hiccup couldn't say that he wasn't starting to doubt his own mind. He was starting to feel like he was going insane, just like that man he was almost sure he had seen. Is that what Healer's Island did to people? Made them go crazy? It was supposed to be a place of healing and peace.
"I thought you said that you didn't have anything sharp on you." Valka commented, though she tried not to sound accusing.
"I didn't, just my Dragon Blade." Hiccup answered, but he was losing confidence in his own story. He hadn't even noticed that the man had been fighting with his missing dagger. How has he missed that detail? "The man I saw, he pulled out a dagger. That's what he did this with." Hiccup indicated his bandaged arm.
"You didn't find your sword?" Valka asked rather than responding to what Hiccup claimed. She didn't want to dismiss her son's words, she knew Hiccup was an honest and good person, but nothing was making sense right now and she was starting to believe that Hiccup wasn't well. He wasn't trying to deceive them or try to make excuses for his actions, assuming that he had injured himself on purpose, he believed what he was saying.
"No." Hiccup answered simply. "I guess I can make a new one."
"I'm sorry you lost it." Valka said, and she meant it. It was a unique weapon and she was sure it had taken a lot of effort to invent and create. Though, because of that, she knew Hiccup was generally careful with it. It seemed unlikely he would lose it so easily. She would rather he be equipped with his Dragon Blade than his dagger in that moment, however. The Dragon Blade didn't have sharp edges. "But I'm going to hold on to this for now, okay?" She indicated the dagger. Hiccup simply nodded, seeming to understand why, even if he didn't agree with it.
"I'll take you to the ship." Hiccup guided them, walking past his parents with an almost haunted expression on his face. He was starting to fear that the ship wouldn't be there. If it wasn't, then that would be it. The mystery would go unsolved, or maybe he was just going crazy.
Shaking that from his thoughts, Hiccup vaguely wondered if there were any hallucinogenic plants on the island, he wouldn't be surprised. Not that he had used any plants other than the medicinal chamomile.
He didn't blame his mother either, for keeping the dagger from him. He wasn't exactly instilling them with confidence that he was sane. Nothing already made sense, and finding the man's corpse to be missing along with the Dragon Blade, but finding the dagger, only made everything that much more confusing. Hopefully, the ship held answers.
—
Hiccup's heart sank and he closed his eyes, swaying slightly on his feet until he felt his father's hand supporting his back. Sharpshot nuzzled his face, sensing his unease.
The ship was gone.
Of course it was, it had been the only thing Hiccup had left to make his story at least somewhat believable and now even he was starting to doubt himself.
"It was there..." Hiccup said without passion. "Tied at the dock."
"I'll go take a closer look." Stoick left Hiccup in Valka's care, seeing the affect the missing ship had on his son. Valka replaced her husband's supportive position at Hiccup's side, not entirely sure what to think of the situation.
They could see as Stoick walked along the deck, examined some remaining ropes, and looked out at the horizon. There wasn't much for him to examine. It wasn't long before he was making his way back.
"No sign of a ship, but there are some faded footprints in the sand." Stoick announced when he was close enough to his wife and son.
"So people could have come here within the past couple days." Valka stated more than asked.
"If you saw a ship, Hiccup, the people have long since left." Stoick informed his son.
"You believe I saw a ship... then?" Hiccup asked tentatively.
"Yes. That wouldn't be uncommon for Healer's Island anyway. People could have arrived, gathered what they needed, and left. It could have just been a quick trip." Stoick answered.
"It looked like a trade ship."
"Then I'm sure whoever's ship it was, left in a hurry to sell his goods to a nearby tribe." Stoick readily answered again.
"...and the man I saw?" Hiccup inquired further.
"He didn't sound like a very stable person." Valka answered this time. Though, she still wasn't so sure about that part of the story. It didn't make sense to her. "Maybe he was sick and that's why they were here."
"...I guess." Hiccup looked down in thought. "So... you believe that I didn't do this now?" He indicated his arm again.
"Uh..." Valka wasn't sure how to answer that one. She still considered it a possibility.
"Even if we believe you, we still have a lot to figure out between all of us." Stoick saved her from having to come up with an answer. "We've already been here for about a week. I didn't think we'd be staying for longer than that."
"It might be best if we just headed back to Berk at this point." Valka agreed. Hiccup wasn't so sure if he agreed. He still thought something odd was happening on Healer's Island. It also felt like his parents were giving up on him again. He looked down in shame, feeling like this whole situation had only proven to his parents just how better off they were without him. He'd caused them more trouble than he was worth.
"...we can stay a couple more days, if you want?" Stoick had noticed Hiccup's reaction.
"It's not that we don't want to be here with you." Valka assured, she pulled out a piece of paper that she had intended to give Hiccup a while back, but had been too distracted by Hiccup dragging them around the island. "Astrid wrote to you." She handed the paper to her son. "We read it, just in case it was Gobber telling us that Berk needed the chief." She admitted, hoping Hiccup didn't get angry at the invasion in privacy, like he had when discovering that they had overheard his and Astrid's conversation. "It's just that Toothless wants you back home, and Astrid, I'm sure. I promise this doesn't mean that we're giving up on you, on our family. We love you."
Hiccup accepted the paper and unfolded it.
Hiccup,
I promised Toothless I'd write to you, to see how you're doing. He's been acting kind of
odd lately, I think he misses you. I'm sure he'll feel better once he hears that you're okay.
I miss you too,
Astrid
It was short and simple, but Hiccup picked up on the love and sincerity behind Astrid's words. She wasn't exactly one to write love letters and express her feelings on paper, but just the fact that she missed him made him feel warm inside. It was a feeling of love that he hadn't really felt since arriving on Healer's Island. Toothless missed him too, and if his best friend needed him, Hiccup wanted to be there for him. Perhaps it was time to return home after all.
Sharpshot, tail lightly wrapped around the curve of Hiccup's neck for balance, reached forward to try and snatch up the paper. Before he could get it in his mouth, Hiccup moved the paper away.
"No, not this one." Hiccup reprimanded the dragon lightly. Sharpshot had originally been trained to shoot his fire on command and have good aim, but that had just been for show during training at the Dragon Academy. Hiccup didn't need a Terrible Terror going around and shooting things and wasn't keen on bringing the little guy into any kind of battle scenario. So, Sharpshot had been trained to deliver T-mail instead. At the sign of a paper in Hiccup's hand, the dragon was immediately there to take it from him, assuming he was nearby, even if it wasn't a letter. It was amusing and endearing, but sometimes a bit of a pain.
Stoick and Valka smiled at the interaction, Hiccup was more like himself when he was around dragons, especially when said dragons were dear to him. Perhaps leaving the dragons behind had been a bad idea. If they had flown here instead, they could have still had time together, but Hiccup would have been able to retreat to Toothless when he needed the emotional support. Maybe things would have gone smoother that way.
At any rate, Stoick and Valka had already discussed what they should do about Hiccup, while he was unconscious, and it seemed like it was about time to get Hiccup back home. It didn't mean they were giving up on him, they would never, but he only seemed to be deteriorating on this island with them. Hiccup needed to be where he thrived, with the ones he loved most— and the parents had to admit that they knew it wasn't either of them— doing the things he enjoyed.
If Hiccup wasn't happy with them, they didn't think they should force it. All of their past actions and decisions had been selfish, and had hurt their son. Trying to keep him close when he didn't want that— that was selfish too. However, they were still going to be there for him in any way they could. They wouldn't let him push them away, they wouldn't let their relationships crumble more that they already had. They would support him, would express their love, but in small and simple ways, everyday, until maybe someday Hiccup would believe them.
A/N: Thanks for reading!
omega13a: Valka has had 20 years to forget about Johann, but once he is brought up and she realizes that he was the one fighting against Hiccup, I'm sure it would be a shock. It does make sense that it would come up eventually. Yeah, I agree, Johann couldn't have been the only trader who went to Berk.
Night Star Dragon: Thanks! I'm glad you're liking the story!
Silver Sentinel: I don't think Hiccup is necessarily resentful, just that when his leg causes him pain he might feel some bitterness for a moment. But I do think that sometimes Hiccup brushes things off so that he can continue to be accepted though.
Romantica 123: Haha, yeah there will be a lot of emotions in coming chapters too! Hiccup's explanation didn't exactly go so well. I'm glad you liked the last chapter and I hope you liked this one too!
KinglyRoom59363: Haha, I suppose it must have been a weird chapter for those who don't know what is going on and this chapter probably didn't help. That's an interesting theory. Maybe Ryker didn't really die, it's possible. Though, Ryker and Viggo never acted like they cared for each other much. I hope you liked the new chapter!
CHSHiccstrid: Hey, it's good to hear from you again! Yeah, lots more pain and misery to come, haha. Or at least some more emotional ups and downs. Haha, maybe Hiccup will listen this time. Thanks for the review!
