A/N: Objective: write a chapter as good as the one 2 chapters ago, but all in one day.
Result: Failure!
Conclusion: Time is a most wonderful thing and we should all be grateful for the passage of it. It makes any task so much less exhausting. *snore*
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General
The air hummed with tense anticipation. Konan, Original Nagato and Original Yahiko debated whether to hold a meeting in the sunroom or in the backyard. On the one hand, they were unsure how much information they wanted to share with the books. On the other hand, they were unsure how much information they wanted to share with the vampires. In either location, a group of powerful entities would be spying. The only question, then, was which group of entities they trusted more.
The meeting was held in the backyard. The air was heavy with the promise of rain, but both Konan's senses and the weather forecast predicted that it would not fall for another two to three hours. They built the fire and sat in a circle around it, as usual.
But there was something different about this meeting. Almost all the group members wore their cloaks. They also sat straighter and remained silent instead of initiating chit-chat. This was no ordinary meeting; it was an official Akatsuki function.
Konan cleared her throat and raised a hand. All eyes turned to her. She paused to reflect. I have gotten more used to their scatterbrained ways than I thought. It feels eerie to have such perfect compliance now. Well, given recent and predicted events, perfect compliance was a blessing. She turned to Original Hidan. "Report."
He sighed dramatically. "The demon kid loved the idea. He started making up all sorts of plans without me. It was really fucking boring standing there listen to him talk, I'll have you know. But I remembered it all. He said that every distinct kind of being around here should have their own Regional Guardian. He said he would take charge of the ghosts, and someone else would take charge of the other demons, and Squishy here should take charge of the spirit beings, and Lemur Face can be in charge of otherworldly visitors. Living objects fall under Puppet Boy's domain. And all of these are just ideas: the people and demons and spirit beings and shit should vote. And also they can decide to listen to someone else, but if anything ever happens to them then their default Regional Guardian is required to help."
"Squishy?!" Clone Yahiko exclaimed.
"Lemur Face?" Clone Nagato shook his head.
"Is puppetry all I will ever be known for?" Sasori muttered sadly.
"Wait," Deidara cut in. "Under that system, the dolls would fall under Sasori's division, yeah. And what about the gods? Shouldn't somebody be managing those?"
"Excuse me." Kakuzu took out one of his little black notebooks and a pen. He began to write. "Deidara's right. What about the gods?"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," White Zetsu protested. "Gods don't need guardians!"
"No, but we need somebody to be responsible for keeping track of what they're doing."
Itachi raised a hand. "Motion to elect Konan as Regional Guardian of local divinities?" After a few seconds, almost everybody raised a hand in favor.
"Halt the motion," Original Nagato declared. "What makes Konan suitable for this position?"
"Well, she's the one who installed the symbol in the basement, yeah," Deidara replied. "And she knows how to handle Clone Hidan."
"I suppose I already fulfill the role of guardian for both," Konan agreed. "Extending that role to cover Amita sama should not be very difficult."
Original Nagato looked at her with puzzlement. "Gods generally choose their representatives, don't they?"
"Not in this setting," Itachi said. "The gods we know are rather passive."
"Why don't we test that before assuming it," Kisame said quickly.
All eyes turned to Clone Hidan, who looked confused. "What's everyone looking at me for?"
Konan moved closer to him and put a hand on his shoulder. In a very gentle and sincere voice, she asked, "Hidan, what is your opinion on the matter?"
Hidan stared at her for a few seconds. Then his eyelids drooped. Suddenly, he looked very tired. "Oh, who the fuck cares? Just elect somebody and get this over with!"
"The motion passes!" exclaimed a voice from the empty air above their heads. The demon boy slowly floated down. When his feet touched the ground, he knelt beside Konan and held out a golden shield-shaped badge. The words on it were Regional Guardian and Godly Division. Konan took the badge. He stared at her expectantly until she pinned it to her cloak.
"I've made two columns, one for candidates and one for confirmed guardians," Kakuzu said. "Nobody is confirmed until the beings that they wish to guard either agree to it or waive the right to vote."
"How the fuck do we arrange that?" Kisame asked, gesturing at Sasori.
"While I'm at work, my motorcycle converses with any bicycles that stop in. I'll talk to it before I go to work tomorrow, ask it to arrange some kind of signal. The signal could be, 'If the bicycles accept me as their guardian, have three of them stand directly outside the front door by sunrise on Sunday.' Simple," Sasori said.
"Spirits are pretty spread out. Any ideas for how I could arrange a vote?" Clone Yahiko asked.
"You could ask wind spirits to gather opinions and talk to you again in a few days," Itachi suggested. Nobody could think of anything else, so Yahiko agreed to try it.
"What the hell am I supposed to do?" Clone Nagato asked. "We don't even know if we're going to get any more otherworldly visitors, and if we do, they'll probably just be passing strangers. It seems rude to walk up to someone and demand that they stop whatever they were doing to vote on something they have very little reason to care about."
Kakuzu tapped his notebook thoughtfully. "Hmm. Alright, a special exemption can be made for that category. Nagato, do you agree to be responsible for assisting otherworldly visitors with anything they need help with, caring for them if they should be injured while in our world, and creating safeguards to prevent any such injury from happening in the first place?"
Nagato hesitated. "I agree. Um, since I have a job, I designate Itachi and Clone Hidan as my deputies. If an otherworldly visitor appears while I'm not available, they are authorized to provide immediate care and assistance." The demon boy jumped over the fire to hand him a newly-made badge saying Regional Guardian: Visitor Division. While Nagato pinned that to his cloak, the demon boy handed Itachi and Clone Hidan silver badges that said Deputy Guardian: Visitor Division. Both accepted their badges happily.
Kakuzu cleared his throat. "For the demons and vampires, I am leaving both columns blank. They'll almost certainly want to elect one of their own. And on that note…" He waited until he had everyone's attention. "The normal people. The ones who were formerly called NPCs. What do we do with them?"
"This town has its own government," Clone Hidan said.
"Yeah, but didn't Soye say that people were acting all upset and anxious about magic?" Deidara asked. "The town government was set up under artificial conditions. If something happens that has to do with magic or magic people, what's the mayor gonna do, yeah?"
"They need a guardian too," Kisame said. "To control how they interact with the rest of us and to take responsibility if any civilians are injured by our activities."
"Whoever takes up that position must be capable of controlling Hidan," Original Nagato said, shooting Original Hidan a sideways look. Original Hidan bristled.
Kakuzu reviewed his columns. "The only person who can do that and is not already spoken for is…you."
Original Nagato considered it. I am experienced at winning over a civilian population that has good reason to fear magic. "I would be willing to assume that responsibility." Kakuzu wrote his name down in the candidate column.
Now that all the categories and prospective candidates had been listed, there was nothing else to discuss. They had to wait until more candidates were officially confirmed. The demon boy curled up next to Clone Hidan, looking very happy. Clone Hidan put an arm over his shoulders. "So, anybody wanna talk about anything else?"
"Yeah, actually," Kisame said. "Can you elaborate on your whole 'we might have to travel soon' idea?"
"It was my idea," Itachi said. "There has been an increasing interest in travel. Original Hidan and the dolls, our most adventurous members, have both explored formerly forbidden areas. If this trend continues, the rest of us might also find ourselves in unexplored locales. Parts of vampire territory, previously unnoticed buildings in town, even other worlds that we have received visitors from: these are possible options."
"Possible options? You don't have anything specific?"
"No," Konan said. "Hence why all members are to make general preparations for being separated from base."
"Oh, so you think we'll somehow be prevented from returning home?" Kisame asked. "Has anybody checked on the return-to-base jutsu? It's still working, right?"
"I think I know where you're going with this, so let me try it," Sasori said. He took out his copy of the seal and activated it. With a whoosh, he disappeared.
"It's still working," Kakuzu said. "Which means that the only way we could get cut off is if some circumstance made it undesirable to return. If the base was somehow rendered dangerous, or someone outside could not be left alone."
"Either one of which would present a very serious hazard," Clone Nagato said somberly. Everyone agreed. It was difficult to imagine what they would do if cut off from home. The sanctity of the base was something they had come to rely on. If it was ever violated…
Sasori walked out the back door. "Demon kid, is there a way to call for your assistance?" he asked.
"I'm in your group chat," the demon boy replied. "I hear everything you say there."
"I'm not even going to ask how that's possible."
"Um… Excuse me?"
All eyes turned to Obito. Obito glanced at Zetsu, then faced the rest of the group and sat a little straighter. "What are these 'general preparations'?"
Everyone realized at once that the masked man was their most vulnerable group member. Tobi could emerge at any moment and run off. Injured, lacking body seals and operating with an outdated understanding of the world, Tobi would be in great danger. In fact, didn't those combined factors suggest that such an event was about to happen? If you stumbled across a row of lined-up dominoes, wasn't it wise to assume someone intended to knock them down?
"We must repeat our experiment tomorrow," Itachi said to Clone Hidan, who nodded.
"We carry food, water and weapons at all times and we keep each other constantly informed," Kisame said to Obito. "Does Tobi still come out whenever you see something cute?"
"Last time she emerged, it was because of a butterfly," Black Zetsu said.
"But she knows the body's injured. She wouldn't run off," White Zetsu protested.
"Irrelevant," Konan replied. "Tobi is in great danger. We must prepare."
"What makes you think -"
"Are you fucking blind?!" Deidara exclaimed. "Or deaf, or something?"
"I'd rather be prepared," Obito said. "I don't want a repeat of what happened last time." Both halves of Zetsu abruptly closed their leaves over their head in shame.
"Should we do it tonight?" Deidara asked. Nobody else had an answer. They had no source of information other than the terrible feeling of imminent disaster. Based on that, they tentatively agreed that it would be wise to complete at least some preparations that same night. The meeting came to a sudden and swift end. The demon boy departed. Original Nagato extinguished the fire, then they all headed inside.
"We need to make dinner anyway," Clone Yahiko said. "We can stock the food and water seals then."
"Like the thing you drew on the wall?" White Zetsu asked.
"Yeah, but on the insides of our cheeks." Clone Yahiko opened his mouth wide and pulled out the side of his mouth. Zetsu's eyes widened. Yahiko lowered his hand and said, "We'll need your help. It's impossible for a person to draw these seals in their own mouth."
"I'm not sure we can do that…" White Zetsu sounded frightened.
"Exposed flesh makes us nervous," Black Zetsu explained. "Bare skin is no trouble, but bleeding wounds, mucous membranes, internal areas…"
Clone Yahiko gulped. "You're the only person who's ever seen Obito without a mask. If you can't do it, who can?"
They thought about the problem while preparing dinner. It was cheeseburgers with three different kinds of vegetables. Halfway through the cooking of the burgers, Konan approached Obito and Zetsu in the newly-designated sickbay. The dolls really had done a good job folding blankets into floor beds, enchanting the walls to keep the room a few degrees colder than the rest of the base, and tidying up. There was not a speck of dust to be smelled. "Excellent work," Konan said. The dolls raised their arms in unison.
Obito eased himself down onto a blanket bed. "It is comfortable," he reported.
"I may have another task for you," Konan said to the dolls, who had started to wander off. They looked back. She turned to Obito. "Would it be acceptable for the dolls to draw the seals?"
Obito touched his mask. "...I guess…"
"It is not?"
"They're made of cloth. They don't know anything about bodies. I'm not sure I want them near my mouth."
"Is there any person you trust to see you without your mask, then?" Konan asked. She expected the answer to be no.
Obito took some time to think about it. Warlic walked over. Obito looked up at the doll, and the doll looked down at him. Warlic reached out and poked at the mask. Obito turned away. "Yahiko. I would rather Yahiko do this."
"That can be arranged," Konan said. Secretly, she was surprised. I really ought to find out why this universe's version of him wears a mask. The original merely wanted to conceal his true identity, but what does the clone want?
Konan brought a bottle of ink and a brush to the sickbay and informed Clone Yahiko of the plan. He paled. "He's willing to let me see his face?"
"Is it such a surprise? He trusts you with other things."
"Yeah, but…" Yahiko scratched the back of his head nervously. "Identity is such a big deal for him, and faces are so closely linked to identity. He must really trust that I won't start seeing him differently."
Ah, is that it? "As long as you do not betray that trust, you have nothing to fear."
Yahiko nodded. "I'll be careful."
It was done after dinner. An extra two burgers and two bowls of vegetables, plus a few brownies, were brought to Obito in the sickbay. The door was closed, leaving Yahiko, Obito and Zetsu alone together. Zetsu sat against the wall beside the door while Yahiko and Obito knelt facing each other. Yahiko took calming breaths. "I know exactly how to draw these seals. I'm just nervous because of…the responsibility."
"It'll be alright," Obito said. He reached up and undid the straps holding the mask to his face. Yahiko held his breath.
Obito took off the mask and placed it in his lap. Yahiko's breath rushed out in a sigh. He's gorgeous. Something about the proportions of Obito's face made it a perfect match with his hair. Those proportions were marred on Obito's right side, where corner-shaped scars and surgery marks dented his cheekbone and chin. But they only added distinctiveness to what otherwise would have been nothing more than a pretty face. Obito touched his scars, not saying a word.
Yahiko realized that he was staring. "Um… You have a very nice face. Scars and all." He found himself looking at the floor. How was he going to draw the seals when Obito's face was so difficult to look at?
"Thank you." Obito's voice was quieter than usual. That reminded Yahiko of his responsibility. He took a deep breath, reached out and picked up the bottle of ink. As he opened the bottle and dipped the brush inside, he reminded himself over and over, I promised. I can do this.
Leaning over Obito was even more difficult. But once he got started, drawing the seals was rather easy. As before, the completed seals abruptly lost their liquid nature, so Yahiko focused on completing them as fast as possible. When he was done, he sat back and marveled at the lack of oncoming heart attack that he was experiencing. I did it! I got used to it!
Obito ran his tongue around his mouth. "I can't feel them."
"Yeah, um, completed seals stop being ink and start being…something else." Or maybe not. I'm getting lots of intrusive thoughts all of a sudden.
Obito picked up his bowl of carrots and touched his cheek. "I channel chakra into this seal with my finger while I have food pressed against it?"
"Yeah. The, um, placement can be…tough. Oh, and something else - the seal releases food in the order you last stored it, so you should alternate bites. So that, if you ever have to rely on it, you won't get, like, sick of it." Stop thinking about his mouth.
Obito tried it with a slice of carrot. He touched the other control seal to release the carrot slice, chewed and swallowed. "It feels odd, but… But far more comfortable than I expected it to be."
Yahiko smiled. "That's good!" I need to get out of here.
A knock soon came on the door. "You done?" Clone Hidan asked. "I need Sunshine for something."
"It's all done," Yahiko answered. He smiled at Obito, then left the room. As they walked away, he sighed. "Thank you."
"Don't mention it," Clone Hidan replied. "Seriously, don't. I need to find Nagato like ASAP." He ran off.
Yahiko was alone, so he leaned against a wall and facepalmed. If only Zetsu hadn't been there. Oh gods, Zetsu was there. *groan*
It was very hard to get to sleep after that.
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A/N: True opinion. Obito's face IS very pretty.
Having spent nearly the whole day in a state of tiredness, now I have only a few hours in which to enjoy anything. Wow, this was a bad idea. I've definitely got to start the next chapter earlier than the last minute.
See y'all next week!
