Shortly after Xilonen gets a crush:
Xilonen's tree-nap, filled with dreams of her newest crush Aether, was cut short when someone called her name. Cracking open one eye, she glanced down at the grass. There floated a creature she'd never seen before; a giant blue finch. It wore Adeptal robes, and its lower body rested inside a porcelain teapot.
Her first thought: I wonder what that bird tastes like. Her second: What the heck even is that thing? The creature bowed its head.
"Greetings," it spoke in a sweet voice. "I am Tubby, an Adeptus who serves Aether."
The voice sounded female, and the robes might've been Liyue.
Xilonen arched her back and let out a big, fat yawn. Unladylike? Yes, but she was too sleepy to care. Plus, getting an Aether dream interrupted left her all kinds of irritated so she hardly cared what this Tubby thought. Xilonen hopped out of the tree.
"How can I help you?" she asked.
"I was wondering if perhaps, you would consent to an interview."
"Yeah, sure," she said. "So long as it doesn't take forever."
As she sat on a tree stump, Tubby took out a journal and pen.
"Name, birthday, and occupation?"
"Xilonen, March 13th. Blacksmith."
Tubby asked all sorts of questions ranging from hobbies and allergies to medical history, phobias, blood type, favorite foods, and preferred furnishings. Whenever a question got too personal like social security, Xilonen passed. They went smoothly like clockwork, hammering through all the questions one after the other.
"Final question," said Tubby, "how do you feel about Aether?"
Well, I dream about him a lot because I have a crush is what she would've said if she were being entirely honest. Honesty was too much effort anyway.
"He's a good guy. I like him."
Tubby nodded, making more notes in her journal. Xilonen bent over, studying her notes.
The subject is easygoing—troublingly so. Won't admit to affections, but not a tsundure. She's just too lazy to bother with all the details. Keep her away from the workaholics. Her choice of words intrigues me. When asked how she feels about Aether, she said, "I like him." This admission indicates an acknowledgment of her affection. It's a strong admission, especially for someone who seems to take an easygoing approach to most things, that she expended any energy to take interest in him at all. Horny or wholesome judgment is still pending.
"Now then," said Tubby, "I'd like to ask you if you've heard of the UHA?"
"What's that? Some sort of band?"
Tubby handed her a lengthy document. Xilonen grimaced. Reading this thing would be a huge pain. She was about to give some excuse for why she couldn't read it all at the moment when she read the title. The Constitution of the United Harem of Aether.
She read it again. The words didn't change. Xilonen pinched herself. When she didn't wake up, she finally accepted that this document was in fact titled The Constitution of the United Harem of Aether. And it read We the women of Teyvat…
Tubby said, "This is normally where I give a spiel about the UHA, but I sense that might bore you to sleep. Just talk to Mualani. She'll give you the details. And try to put some effort into learning the laws, will you?"
With that, Tubby blinked out of existence. Xilonen gave the Constitution a quick skim. Aether got around a lot more than she realized. He had girlfriends in every nation, fifty of them, who all shared him in perfect harmony. And there were some big names here: the Raiden Shogun, a Fatui Harbinger, the Tianquan, and near the bottom her friend Mualani.
What on earth? She knew Mualani and Aether were a couple, but she didn't know she was sharing him with forty-nine other women. No wonder Mualani didn't seem offended when Xilonen admitted she had a crush on the guy.
Then again, this could work for her. If they could both have him, she could do something about these feelings without backstabbing her friend. She'd contact Mualani, and ask about the UHA. She'd get along with the girls even if it meant attending tiresome congressional sessions. And then, he would be hers.
The blacksmith roller-skated to her forge, determined to work long and hard to turn her Aether-dreams into reality.
