Shit. Fuck. Shit.
This was not supposed to happen.
He was never supposed to stay the night.
Even before the war, he couldn't remember the last time that his subconscious hadn't woken him up before his berth partner. Hell he couldn't remember the last time it had even let him fall asleep!
But that morning, waking up to the warmth of Prowl's strong arms around him, he'd actually felt safe.
Jazz had never felt safe a day in his life.
He was not supposed to have felt anything.
It was just supposed to be sex nothing more.
Jazz had slept with a lot of people. Like a lot.
Sex was a transaction. Or a distraction. Or an excuse to stay up late to stop the nightmares from coming.
He couldn't remember the last time he'd done it just because he wanted to.
But he had wanted to have sex with Prowl. And not only had he wanted it, he had actually enjoyed it.
And it wasn't just the sex that he enjoyed. He liked playing chess with him. He liked to fight alongside him. And he liked to watch the sharp edges of his faceplates turn soft as Prowl talked about how proud he was of his sister.
Of course Jazz had always known that Prowl was hot. He did have working optics under his visor after all! But now even just seeing the Head Tactician under the hallway lights as they ran along the corridor, it was as though the white of his armour was haloed around him like an angel of Primus. He was beautiful. But not as beautiful as he had been that morning, inside the hold of Jazz's arms, as he strummed the strings of the base into sound.
Suddenly Jazz realised that he didn't just want to fuck Prowl. In fact he would actually be perfectly content if he never fucked Prowl again if it meant he could spend the rest of his life in that moment. Because all he wanted to exist in that same act of creation with the tactician again. Because he wanted to spend every ordinary moment at Prowl's side.
Because he loved him.
FUCK!
Jazz could not love Prowl. He couldn't! He had gotten mods to remove his ability to feel pain and Jazz had never experienced love that didn't hurt. So must mean it was impossible to feel one without the other. Right?
But the more Jazz thought about it, the more reasons Jazz found to fall for the Head Tactician. His care for the sister who might not have been blood but he loved her like she was anyway and his dedication to the Autobot cause because all he ever wanted to do was help. And how even when people hated him, he did not hold that hate against them, instead he tried to do what was right because not that far bellow the surface of his sharp white armour, he was a greater man than Jazz could ever hope to be.
Jazz would never be good enough for him. He'd done too much shit to ever be worthy of even the most gull less Decepticon.
Ahhhh and there was the pain. The mental kind not the physical one. The kind that Jazz knew all too well. Because as much as he wished for someone to love him as much as he loved them, he would never have what he wanted.
Although despite the pain being in his head, for some reason he felt physically sick.
It was a good thing they were now at the temporary med-bay then.
Prowl yanked the doors open while Jazz slipped in behind him.
They raced to the end if the room, Jazz managing to overtake the tactician as they arrived to where High Command were all crowded around.
Jazz still had no idea what was so urgent. It couldn't be something wrong with the kids otherwise Optimus wouldn't have called everyone. And if Ratchet had woken up then he wouldn't have sounded so panicked.
Shit. Maybe he shouldn't have left Blaster to keep on eye on Devcon by himself last night.
However, of of all the outcomes Jazz had been imagining, he could never have guessed this.
Because there, lying on a berth with sunken green eyes and scars littering her dark grey finish and alive, was Blackout.
A/N: Reminder that the Opilita one-shot "Falling Into Empty Space" that I posted not too long ago takes place between chapters 30 and 31/32.
Also I posted a bonus Transformers fanfic last week based on Keferon's Mecha Au on Tumblr called "Stars, Stripes and Suns", if you are interested in checking that out! (or their Au which is all on tumblr which is amazing btw!)
Anyways I'm so sorry this took another month to update! Still I hope you guys enjoyed it! Xxxxxx
