NOTES (first two most important)
1. NEW CHAPTER 15:
This is a new version of Chapter 15. Some sections have been completely removed and some altered. I would suggest, even if you have read the original version, to at least skim through this one (or even, if you want even more context, revise the end of chapter 14…I haven't changed it, but it would help provide continuity with the remainder of the story.)
Big plot points, such as meeting and fighting B, being stalked by B and the final cliffhanger with the meteor-storm, still remain.
The biggest changes are in characterization and relationship dynamics. Namely, in the original version, the characters were featured slowly building rapport and opening up to each other. This is no longer the case, because I have found I prefer a different dynamic and story arc. As such, in this new version, not only am I preserving UST but I'm intensifying it. No happy lunches with mind games, no late-night confession talks – Raito stays pissed and tense, and L stays quiet and mysterious throughout.
One exciting aspect is that we finally get introduced to the title of the story - at least one aspect of it. "Elision" has a secondary meaning of "merging", so you will see how it ties in.
2. CHANGES IN WORLD OF MU:
Until now, Mu has been described as featuring some fruit which looks rotten and disgusting. I actually wish to alter that. In the new version, I want the fruit to LOOK tasty, juicy, but to be REVEALED as rotten and disgusting when one begins eating (in the same way that water is revealed to be hostile when one comes in contact with it). I find that this is more in keeping with the other elements of Mu that I have established - and it will also become a pertinent story point later.
I wish to put all my energy into finishing the story right now, so I will not yet go back and edit the previous chapters to reflect this change, or other minor changes I might possibly introduce. I know it's disorienting, but please bear with small inconsistencies for now and, after the story is complete, the details will be rectified in earlier chapters for possible re-reading pleasure.
3. CHANGES IN WRITING STYLE:
This chapter is an edit of the existing original, so the writing style has been kept largely intact and in line with the previous ones - as in, verbose and overanalytical . There is a possibility that new chapters after this will deviate in writing style, though, so please do not be disturbed. Hopefully it will be for the better, as I am more experienced in dramaturgy now. The plan is to eventually go back and edit older chapters to reflect the newer style, but I will not be doing that until I finish the story. Finishing it is my primary goal; everything else comes after.
4. ISSUES WITH POLITICAL-CORRECTNESS
This story was written 15 years ago, when political correctness was not yet as pervasive as it is now. As such, sometimes the characters in the story - or the narration, (which is usually thought-reading from Raito's POV) may reference race, gender, sexuality and neurodiversity (or whatever else, add your specific issue here) in ways that may appear demeaning or insulting to the contemporary reader. For example, Raito sometimes thinks of L as "autistic" and frames that in a derogatory way. He also sometimes comes up with blatantly homophobic or sexist statements, implying that homosexuality is something negative to be ashamed of, or that women are intrinsically weak and over-emotional. When he sees people of different color or race than himself, he also may remark on it with apparent prejudice (although this doesn't happen so much, his primary 'thing' is intellectual and gender-related scorn ).'
There are two important points to be made here: first of all, anything spoken or expressed by the narrator or the characters are NOT reflective of my own views as a person. I am simply doing my best at all times to emulate what I believe would be the thoughts/ words/ opinions of a specific character in a specific situation. Secondly, even 15 years ago when I started writing this story, I VERY INTENTIONALLY had Raito expressing racist, misogynistic, homophobic and all-around derogatory opinions – so that he'd get thrashed and humbled about this attitude later. In fact, that was kinda his main feature as a character, and his arc has been very much about becoming humble and getting over his insufferable arrogance (which is annoying to write about sometimes, believe me.) As you know, he STILL has not completed that arc, and is still struggling with BS-notions of morality, sexuality etc etc….but we're getting there.
The homophobia especially takes a new dimension with Raito, in that he cannot accept that deeper human/emotional/deeper libidinal aspect in himself, and therefore projects his self-rejection on others. Truth be told, I think this is actually written into the canonical text; I am happy to observe now with more experienced eyes, that I believe us slash writers are CORRECT in this instance, and there is a strong case to be made that Raito actually IS coded as a closet homosexual and very much obsessed - too obsessed - with L. (Especially in the anime. Oh my GOD, come on.) His megalomania renders human relationships impossible but, to any extent that he had any deep emotional involvement with anyone in his short life, it was platonic in the ancient Greek sense of the word - aka 'man love is the ultimate love, sex between men is the expression of ultimate love since it is not done for procreation' - and it was with L. YOUR READING OF THE CANON MAY DIFFER, but that's mine, and that's what I'm using to power the character arc of this story. In my estimation, considering Raito's effervescent God-complex, self-repression and rejection of his own humanity at large, his own sexuality (let alone for another man, which was taboo in the past) would indeed create this kind of phobic disgusting defensive attitude…which I will enjoy shaking out of him in the next few chapters. Ha!
5. A BIG THANK YOU
As longtime readers will know can attest, this story is very cerebral. It is as much a cerebral exercise in moral philosophy as it is a romantic novel, and I've been rather selfish at putting you all through my philosophizing and psychoanalyzing of the Meaning of Life and the Meaning of Death and the Meaning of Morality, etc etc etc…when probably you were just signing up for a bit of easy fun romance. / Don't worry, I sympathise.
To my defense, when I started writing it, that's what I was going for…and then…writing happened, ahem. I know that, until now, we've had a lot - and I mean, A LOT - of theorizing…and you have been VERY patient and VERY kind to stay with me so far. Thankfully the 'mood' of the story becomes evident pretty early on, and the reader knows from as early as chapter 3 if they can actually take it or leave it. (I believe a rec list described it most aptly as "Your Mileage May Vary" :D :D Hell, at this point when I read it, MY mileage varies :D ) Anyway, because of this cerebral nature, the story tends to attract the kind of readership that can withstand meandering long digressions and over-analytical theorizing…but that doesn't mean I should put you all through the mental ringer, so to speak. I want to express my gratitude to the readers who have stayed with me in this long journey, and to assure you that, from now on, I will do my best to focus on completing the dramatic arc….and getting us all the passionate STEAMY romance that we have earned. I believe a big reason it's been so cerebral until now is because critical writing is my comfort zone…..but lets see how I do with powerful drama. I've had a relationship or two since 2008 ;)
Thank you so much for reading this far or coming back. Enjoy the updated Chapter 15, I hope it whets your appetite for what is to come.
Once Upon a Time
It was always busy during this time of the day, Raito thought, queuing up in front of the tree. Everyone would always wait until just after the frigid dead sun had reached its peak before they began scavenging for their pitiful sustenance.
Raito blinked slowly, bringing his hand to massage the sides of his nose, shifting his weight and trying to ignore the ache in his legs. Lwas standing right in front of him, with one thumb hooked in a pocket and the other pinched between his lips – looking as calm and unperturbed as ever.
…as though he hadn't watched me scream my head off all morning, Raito thought, scowling to himself.
Truth be told, however, it wasn't just L staying suspiciously neutral. Today had been uncharacteristically quiet between them, even considering their usual reticence. After Raito's little... 'wake-up episode'…they had simply gone through the motions of the day- washing, walking slowly in the throng, observing buildings… both of them seemingly lost in their own thoughts, neither of them talking much - or even acknowledging the other's presence.
Maybe I freaked him out… I mean, he DID see himself get cannibalized and then heard me raving his name while I was sleeping… Raito thought, and felt his stomach tighten. His heart started beating faster than normal. Maybe he's thinking he wants to leave…maybe-
He blinked quickly and shifted his eyes away from L's jet-black hair, focusing instead on some random passersby. That train of thought would not be allowed to continue. If he wants to leave, he can leave, he course-corrected his mental dialogue, not realizing that his eyes had wafted back to L of their own volition, this time narrowed in a petulant glare.
Look at this bastard…cool as a cucumber. Raito gritted his teeth, his annoyance growing out of nowhere, Traumatized by my screaming? Yeah right. I bet he doesn't feel anything except sick pleasure at watching me suffer…I would. And then, completely uninvited, his brain took the cue to supply him with a vivid image of Ryuuzaki - as Raito had seen him many times by now - writhing on the cobbled ground of Mu, torso twisting and turning to escape the Raito's vice girp, his face contorting to a silent scream, his back arching off the-
All right two more minutes or I'm gone! Raito shifted his weight yet again, and started tapping his foot. When would it be their turn, already? And the fact that L was just standing there, totally quiet and serene, made him even angrier.
Out of nowhere, and driven by a sudden desire to break L's composure, Raito repeatedly shook the yellow bucket he was holding, making it clang loudly in the muted silence around them. And isn't it his turn to hold this thing? I'm not his damn bell-boy.
L turned around unhurriedly, clearly identifying the noise. He shot the bucket and Raito a perfunctory glance, then turned back to face the queue ahead, completely unmoved by the indirect protest.
Bastard…Infuriating. The more time he spent with this man, the more Raito was getting flashbacks from that unfortunate period they'd actually been cuffed to each other. The only difference with back then was that now he was not willing to put up with each of Ryuuzaki's senseless whims. He now had his memories…and if he wanted, he could leave at any moment…
…or L could…
As though to tease him, a vision of that dream from last night appeared in front of his mind's eye. The notion of L finding Watari…
Well he will, eventually, you know. His rather hostile-sounding inner voice chimed. He's not going to stay around with his own killer forever. Light swallowed a bit too loudly and diverted his eyes yet again. This time it was a woman trying to reach a piece of fruit, with the help of a man propping her up. You're just using each other here, that's all. It's just easier to deal with this place together with someone - anyone - than alone…
Raito took a step forward, as the queue shortened once more. That's that. Right. That's that. He fought the sudden impulse to move quickly, feeling some sort of adrenaline pump through his veins as the thoughts intensified. And then one day we'll find our chosen people…and we'll both go… He looked away again, realizing that, yet one more time, he'd ended up staring at the back of L's head. Or he'll find his and leave and I'll be...
He clenched his jaw, again.
Only three more people to go, and he and L would finally get their lunch - until then, stuck staring at L's black hair agian. Totally ignorant of Raito's vexation, L scratched the back of his head lazily. Like a monkey, Raito's mind commented distastefully, and he felt a new surge of righteous anger bubble up to the surface again, although he wasn't exactly sure why. Slob!
"Stop it!" he surprised himself, as he suddenly brought up his free hand and batted Ryuuzaki's away like an annoyed schoolteacher. Ryuuzaki turned around to look at him, for once with an expression of actual confusion. Raito's eyes darted away yet again. "Don't spray your dandruff all over me."
Ryuuzaki watched him for a few more seconds, and Raito obstinately kept his eyes focused on something – or someone – to the side. What? Are you gonna pick a fight now? Bring it on, you gremlin! Raito narrowed his eyes and steeled himself without even noticing…but no acerbic comment came. When he caught L finally turning away again, he let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding in.
We're not 'friends' anyway. 'Friends?' Ha. What did that even mean? Raito had never experienced that in all his life and, to be honest, he didn't really believe it existed. Everyone was motivated by self-interest – everyone. Even Ryuuku, who had been the closest Raito had ever had to a friend, had ended up killing him when Raito became unable to provide any more … 'entertainment' value…
Raito narrowed his eyes and breathed heavily, brooding despite himself behind Ryuuzaki, who seemed to remain blissfully oblivious of all these ruminations, occupied entirely with gnawing on his thumbnail again.
"Finally" Raito caustically thought, seeing the zit-faced Westerner in front of them finally move away from the tree. Raito walked along to stand at L's side, and together they stared upward, at the massive plant. Unfortunately by now, all the easily reachable fruits had been picked.
"It's too high." Ryuuzaki stated the obvious, his black eyes unblinking and his expression blank. "Raito-kun; I'll support you." The former detective offered, motioning his claw-like fingers toward the other man.
Moving slightly away, Raito looked at the hunched creature with annoyance "Why should I climb? You're lighter…probably." He said, not sure himself why he was being so difficult.
Ryuuzaki didn't miss a beat. "I don't trust you to hold me up."
Raito felt the adrenaline that had been humming silently in his veins gain new traction. Why you little… He didn't realize that his hands were curling up into fists, and his torso was tensing up, as though bracing for a fight. The possibility of pummeling L felt inordinately good right then… in fact, if he was honest with himself, he'd been wanting to for the whole day. "Oh yeah? And you think I-"
But Raito's burgeoning brinkmanship was interrupted by a sharp tap on the shoulder. Both he and Ryuuzaki turned around, momentarily distracted, to look at the people behind them. Seeing their aggravated faces, which all had identical hostile expressions of 'get on with it', the two men realized that they might find themselves completely without supplies unless they hurried. Raito gritted his teeth, making a muscle pump in his jaw, in what was quickly becoming his signature move.
"Fine." He barked briefly, and put down the yellow bucket. Entitled retard telling me what to do…
Trying to preserve the last shreds of his pride, he looked pointedly at L, who duly shaped his hands in a nest and leaned toward Raito.
Making sure that his eyes were drilling holes into L's – and everyone else's – in the process, he put his right foot into L's palms. "If you drop me down, I swear I'll…" he whispered harshly into L's black hair as he leaned over to support himself on the detective's shoulders. L stayed quiet until Raito had hoisted himself up and was making a reach for one of the hanging peaches.
"You'll what, Raito-kun?" the slightly mocking voice came from below. Raito blinked and scowled in resolve, putting a bit too much strength in shaking the tree branch.
"Kill me?"
Finally, a couple of fruit pieces fell off, and Raito propped himself against the tree in order to climb back down to the ground.
He walked over to pick up the slimy little treasures they had earned, his back turned to L the whole time.
What could he say, really?
More than anything – even more than L – he hated this feeling.
Supper had been a tense silent affair that day, with Raito's foul mood persisting throughout. L, for his part, seemed to be staying decidedly nonchalant, apparently unaware – or simply uncaring – of the gigantic chip on his comrade's shoulder. Since the usual sparring partner was apparently disengaged, Raito had implicated himself in more than one of the hallucinations today, almost wanting an excuse to punch something – or someone – and, since no overt criminals had made themselves available in the street, he had reverted to the next best thing: shouting down annoying holograms, sometimes 'resolving the hallucination' and sometimes not. L had mostly looked on, staying neutral as he waited for Raito to…'let off steam.'
When they kicked the hut's front door open that evening, the colour of the sky was already dark blue. It hadn't taken long for them to realize it was most prudent to retire early in Mu. Not only were the hallucinations of the night more disturbing than those of the day, but, regrettably, other humans – wandering souls? - were more unpredictable as well.
First of all, there was the pervasive insanity. It would not take long for any newcomer in Mu to conclude that 'peoples' brains in this place were just not screwed on properly.' It was bad enough that each person in Mu carried with them all the fears and regrets of a life long past; to make things worse, they were all constantly subjected to witnessing hallucinatory replays of horror, as though everyone's worst memories and nightmares were being pooled into some huge Oversoul that merged bad memories together with phantasies, and projected them everywhere and to everyone at once - hence the reason Ryuuzaki had aptly started calling them 'Elisions'. It was impossible to distinguish how much of them was truth and how much fantasy, but it was clear that human consciousness was being spliced, elided into a few seconds of primeval emotions, looping and replaying trauma until it could finally be catechized.
It took a toll on one's mind, honestly…and Raito vaguely acknowledged it was probably because of his - relatively - civil companionship with Ryuuzaki, that he had still been able to retain a semblance of rational thinking until now. Most people did not have the luxury of a comrade, though, and the toll was visible; sometimes, when walking in the Main Street at night, one could see people scratching at themselves, as though trying to peel off their own skin. Some people would just sit there, unblinking and unmoving – perhaps even unbreathing. Raito wondered if, perhaps, this was what happened when one gave up on one's quest to find their 'soulmate.' It was not an enviable fate.
Living dead. For eternity. He thought with a chill.
After that, of course, there were the outright criminals. Ironically enough, those didn't cease to exist even in the afterlife, although much blander and milder than their living counterparts. It made sense that most ex-criminals would be reluctant – and even dispassionate – about stealing, raping and murdering - after the indubitable horrors that they'd persevered in their Trials. Also - as Raito and Ryuuzaki could attest first hand - although pain and 'death' could happen in Mu, ones' mauled body - or soul?- would not take long to heal, eventually standing up again to continue the eternal Soulmate Search. Raito had lost count of how many times he had literally dislocated L's shoulder - or had had his own nose broken by one of L's signature roundhouse kicks - only to discover, in a few painful hours, that he was ready for another round.
One would think that this lack of severe consequences would increase incentives for violence, but Raito curiously found it was actually the opposite. Beyond the reckoning of their Trials, there was simply the sad reality that - apart from gratuitous sadism – there was little to be gained in Mu by hurting others. The food was not worth eating, the water not worth drinking, the women not worth wanting - no matter how beautiful they might have been in life or even remained in the afterlife, looked more like harrowed ghosts than anything resembling vivacity or voluptuousness.
I guess when everyone around looks as miserable and awful as you feel, you somehow have less of a drive to hurt them, or rob them, Raito pondered. If there was any reason why anyone stole in Mu, it was because of necessity - because they were afraid to enter the 'haunted houses' and find supplies for themselves. And although none of them really 'needed' provisions of clothing and shelter, considering it was impossible for them to 'die', most people did try to make themselves a bit more comfortable in their misery - hence the propensity for larceny and the occasional violence it involved. Most of it, again, happening at night.
And although Raito's fingers sometimes itched, even now, for the smoothness of the crème-coloured pages between his fingers, it was undeniable that Kira wouldn't have much reason to exist in Mu. Most creatures here were very much like ghosts and less like truly accountable humans, with L and Raito included.
Although judging by my mood today…staying around and finding scumbags to punch might not be such a bad idea… Raito bitterly pondered, while taking off his dark brown jacket.
Losing no time, Raito moved to the window, seating himself on the floor directly beneath it, unconsciously concealing himself in a blanket of shadow. He let his head hang forward and closed his eyes, hearing the muffled sounds of Ryuuzaki shuffling around outside.
The sound of the plastic bucket being dumped, the sound of the dirty tennis shoes being haphazardly thrown to the floor… Raito didn't need to open his eyes, he could see it all playing out perfectly. It was always the same, every night. Then sure enough, the click of the rusty door closing…and then the soft whisper of clothes slipping over skin, as L pulled his shirt over his head and wiggled out of the baggy jeans, the whiteness of his thighs reflected on the moonlight-
Raito opened his eyes immediately, estranged by what he'd just visualized. He frowned a bit at the darkness...no moonlight today; and he was turned away from L anyway… he couldn't see anything... For some reason, all of a sudden, he felt a bit hot. Technically, it wasn't much warmer in the cabin than it was outside, because of the hut's large glassless window. Even so, in the darkness, there was a strange kind of flush climbing from Raito's neck to his face.
Must be the humidity. Huffing a bit in frustration, he took off his beige pullover, revealing the black t-shirt that lay beneath. This might or might not have gone unnoticed by Ryuuzaki, who was still ambling around the room.
"Raito-kun has taken the best spot."
Raito made an unsympathetic little sound, but still didn't turn around, hyper-focused instead on folding his sweater - a totally pointlessa action in the dark. "Hn. Tough luck."
More shuffling sounds. Raito ironed out some invisible crease in his folded clothes, which he could barely even see through the dull starlight from outside. Suddenly, a banging sound came from the darkness, and his head automatically zipped around to check
"You all right?" he muttered before he could stop it. squinting his eyes to see.
He saw just a vague outline of L's figure, standing bent over and cradling his elbow. A sliver of starlight was hitting the side of his pale torso - just so - and Raito's breath inexplicably caught in his throat as he noticed the mild shadow of a pebbled nipple, pearly and puckered above the convulsed abdominals. He averted his eyes back to the darkness immediately, breathing out slowly and deliberately through his nose.
Isn't he cold? Raito thought, again with unexplainable annoyance, forgetting that he'd just now been wondering why he himself had felt so hot.
Grunting by way of an answer, L gingerly brought his elbow to his chest and carefully sunk to the wooden floor, leaning against the wall opposite Raito and to the left. That damn treacherous sliver of starlight was now placed just at the level of L's throat, illuminating the bobbing Adam's apple, as the lanky man threw his head back to lean against the wall.
…Lazy idiot, Raito cursed with acerbic fervor in his mind, not really understanding why every aspect of Ryuuzaki's existence was annoying him so much right now, and had been for the whole of today. Look how he languishes, without restraint. What kind of man does that? And that white skin all over, without even a trace of facial hair… he averted his eyes, resting them on the absolute darkness that filled the rest of the room. Whatever.
It took a few moments for Raito's fast heartbeat - which he hadn't noticed until now - to die down a bit, as well as his apparently versatile body temperature to drop. As moments passed and conversation was not sparking, he was slowly able to settle down and relax, finally letting his thoughts off the ever-present tight leash. Ahh…how wonderful the peace and silence was, as opposed to the constant screams of the High Street… he gave a wide, drawn-out yawn, and blinked his eyes very slowly. Blessed silence...
Eventually he stretched his legs,inadvertently releasing a deep grunt of relief, letting himself lean back in much the way he had previously mocked L for doing. Without realizing it, as his mind slowly drifted off to hazy oblivion, his half-shut eyes wandered back to that small ray of starlight… drinking in the curve of the throat, the jut of the collarbone, the imperceptible outline of a vein pumping under alabaster skin…
That throat… Raito contemplated, by now much too exhausted to properly police his thoughts. Nice shape..
And had he been even mildly capable of coherent thought at that point, surely he would have rushed to deny that, indeed, ever since he had seen L walking in the middle of that crowd, looking as lost and confused and hopeless as all the others...he'd been thinking it every god damn minute of every god damn day, that that throat has a really nice shape...
"It's this way." Raito curtly pointed to the path on the left, a narrow street that coiled like a serpent, with a strange orange light shining in the distance - a sunset, but not quite.
A couple of days had passed since Raito's…tempestuous little nightmare incident, and, since L had mostly kept conversation to a minimum – be it intentionally to give him space or not – their interactions had mostly gotten back to their normal neutrality… Mostly.
"…" the detective stared carefully at the thin, almost constricted passage that Raito had pointed at. It was strangely devoid of people, which, in this place, made it look all the more suspicious. Then, L turned to observe the other road, a wider, but much darker, pathway, which most others seemed to follow.
"It mustn't be. Look there." L finally gave his verdict, and pointed toward the broad street. Raito gritted his teeth at the other's lack of faith, but turned to inspect what Ryuuzaki was pointing at nonetheless.
"What about it?" the auburn haired man asked, unimpressed. The same westernized houses were everywhere, and there was no diversity in the environment save for the people disturbing it with their presence.
"The tower." L instructed, and Raito finally noticed what the other was talking about. It was not exactly a tower, but more of a monument; a graphite obelisk against the pink-orange colour of the sky. From where they were standing, they could just barely see the top of it, since it was hidden behind countless buildings. "If there's a landmark that we haven't seen before, wouldn't it be more logical to walk toward it?"
Raito unconsciously crossed his arms as he listened to the other man's words. Since the both of them were standing in the middle of the crossroads, they obstructed the free movement of other pedestrians, which in turn earned them more than a few agitated frowns. If the fellow citizens of Mu could talk to them, surely they would appear even less friendly.
As it was, however, Raito completely ignored them. His irritation was saved for one individual only…and his mood, which so far had been relatively calm today, was starting to sour in record speed. "How can you be so sure that this road goes there? Have you forgotten the last time we had this problem? Perhaps the less obvious path is the right one."
L tapped his thumb against his lower lip "True…but then again, the amount of people walking that way is overwhelming. Statistically speaking, and considering the amount of people in this place…then surely that road is the most opportune for encountering and screening through people - which is our ultimate goal, surely?" he finished, the last part of the statement spoken with mild challenge, as though daring Raito to admit that, for at least the last few days, he had significantly reduced the practice of calling out 'Misa!" to every blonde woman he saw.
"Statistically speaking, eh?" Raito sniped back, then quickly gritted his teeth in his usual modus operandi. Nevertheless he did turn to observe the alternate pathway. It looked….innocuous enough. But still. Still. He'd spite L just for the sake of it, just because he was being so…so…contrary. "…it looks too suspicious. " He finally snapped, turning away dismissively and taking a couple of steps towards the path he'd initially chosen. "Maybe if the daylight was stronger..now it may be dangerous…"
"Dangerous?!" Ryuuzaki countered with uncharacteristic incredulity, his voice floating behind Raito with a jingle of slight amusement "The most dangerous thing around here is you."
Ha ha, very funny. Raito felt his lips tighten, but he held it in and kept walking. Even though he refused to take the bait, though, he nevertheless made sure he could hear L's footfalls behind him, indicating the detective was following suit.
"Besides," Ryuuzaki continued, uninvited, "in my opinion, this street looks much more unsafe." In more-than-mild annoyance, Raito looked again at the narrow, dimply-lit passageway he'd started leading them down.
God damn it…he's probably right…
"Perhaps Raito-kun should con-"
"FINE THEN." Raito suddenly turned around sharply, his hands raised to his sides in a mock-surrender motion "what can I say, Inspector Gadget? Being as you are an expert on suspicion, we should all take your word for it, shouldn't we? You hardly do anything else except 'suspect stuff' anyway. So go ahead then, lead on!"
L didn't look the slightest bit perturbed as he countered with infuriating nonchalance "No need to get angry there, Raito-kun…In any case, I also think we had better follow my advice, it seems like you're a bit distracted today anyway. Maybe you need some beauty sleep." The detective started, and slowly started to turn back, towards the intersection.
"Distracted"?! "Beauty sleep?" Why you little-
Deep breaths..deep breaths. Raito started counting to ten in his head and blinking very slowly and deliberately.
"Don't want to waste our time and resources, after all..." L added for good measure, walking without looking back just as Raito had done before.
There was a subtle twitch in Raito's eyebrow as he followed, more as a reflex to that provocatively calm voice than any kind of calculated response. Yes, well… he thought with vitriolic spite, thank gosh you never 'waste our time and resources' by stopping randomly to pick your nose and look at buildings like a tourist idiot for twenty minute intervals or anything.. The auburn haired man indulged in some mental expletives as he begrudgingly trailed after Ryuuzaki's dirt-dragging trousers. Swaying softly as he walked, L's unruly hair would periodically give off a blue shine as it caught a ray of orange light.
God damn slob, Raito added the mental note with a rather disproportionate amount of spite. That's right, his damned hair. How horrible it was. He was sure that this, of all things, would bring bile to his mouth and increase his anger even more. That damn hair. Look at it. I hate it. Hate it.
He kept watching it, scowling at it - with passion.
They had been walking peacefully, managing a sort of quiet truce for quite a while now. The sky had reverted to its nighttime visage, and they both knew they'd have to start looking for shelter soon.
As much as Raito didn't want to admit it to himself, Ryuuzaki had probably been right about following this path rather than the other. The road was open and the nightmarish hallucinations - or as L called them, elisions - were distributed more sparsely around them. Additionally, they always had the looming obelisk structure to serve as their beacon, so they at least unconsciously felt that they had a sense of orientation – a feeling that they'd missed over the last few months. Nevertheless, the sky had started darkening significantly, and the wind that blew around them had become a bit too biting. The tower didn't seem to be lighting up at all, which means it would soon be blended with the darkness of the sky and could no longer serve as a good compass.
"Hut?" Raito almost grunted, reluctant to break the silence too much and become inexplicably annoyed again - almost any interaction or thought of Ryuuzaki annoyed him right now. Or maybe he was irritated in general because he couldn't find Misa. Oh well. So what? I don't have the energy to be all polite all the time. People can all go to hell…it's not like they weren't already there anyway.
"It's getting cold." Raito said again, louder and with slightly more annoyance than he'd intended, when he realized that L wasn't planning on answering. He made a short pause in his walking, and slightly turned his head in order to locate the other from above his shoulder.
"Raito-kun must know it's still quite early, despite the darkness. That does happen in winter." The former detective said with a hint patronization. 'Oh please, as if this place has seasons…' Raito was about to retort acerbically, when he noticed that Ryuuzaki's lips had acquired a decidedly purple hue. So he was bluffing to hit Raito's pride, was he? 'Well two can play that game' Raito thought maliciously, realizing Ryuuzaki was baiting him again.
"Oh? All right, I suppose we could walk a bit more, then." The Japanese man concluded and even gave a perfectly saccharine smile, his features frozen in that grimace as he swiftly turned forward again, to resume his former pace. He was trying to keep himself moving at a relatively high intensity, so as to prevent his system from registering the cold around him.
Sure enough, soon he sensed L's body walking directly beside him, meeting his fast pace without complain. Raito surreptitiously turned his eyes to the right, careful not to move his head. Sure enough, there L was, walking faster than Raito had even seen him, hands in his pockets and lips pursed tightly.
So he was cold, the bastard! …were his teeth chattering…?
Ryuuzaki's eyes met Raito's skeptically, and Raito snapped his head away, pointedly staring around at the buildings and other people instead - something he hadn't been doing as much as he probably should have. And he'd be damned if he gave justice to L's comments about him 'getting distracted while walking', so he resolved to become more focused.
There were all kinds of edifices around them now: shops, churches…any kind of structure imaginable. And as though that wasn't enough, the street was adorned by the usual bizzare features that made Mu more of a labyrinth. For example, Raito had spotted a staircase which led to the window of one of the buildings and continued right through the roof of the house, leading to nowhere.
There was also this crazy bench nearby, which-
"L…? L…?" Raito suddenly heard a…a rather strangely high-pitched, scratchy voice. More out of surprise than anything else at hearing a voice that was not his own or Ryuuzaki's, he stopped moving. An elision making sounds, maybe? Or…The flash of a nightmare ran through his mind, and his heart made a sudden convulsion, causing him to momentarily lose his breath. Was it Watari…has the day come? He turned to his left, to look at Ryuuzaki, expecting with trepidation to see the old butler's kindly face.
What he saw instead made him freeze.
L was just standing there, petrified too, with his eyes as wide as they'd been when he'd first heard the word 'Shinigami' on Earth. In other words, a look of utter shock, which was actually more expressive now, and more unguarded, than when they'd been alive.
"Is it really L…?"
Raito actually felt the breath be knocked from his body as his eyes finally fell upon what Ryuuzaki had been staring at.
He saw a…a…
…a clone?
"…L…" the creature that looked almost exactly like Ryuuzaki raised a skeletal deadly white palm, moving it as though to cup the detective's shoulder. But, in a movement more rapid and reflexive than Raito had ever seen this particular individual exhibit, L slapped the offending hand away, taking a few steps backward.
"You…" the ex-detective whispered, and, by the way they were both ignoring him, Raito felt as though they'd temporarily forgotten he was even there - a thought that hit a bit too close to the nightmare which had haunted him all these days.
Unaware of Raito's anxieties, however, the investigator's eyes were still fixed on the stranger, completely still and unmoving, as though calculating the other's movements. Clearly, L had seen this...doppelganger before.
Raito turned to observe this newcomer more carefully, whose appearance had managed to get L so unsettled. Of course, anyone in Mu would become automatically stunned by seeing a person - actual person, not hallucinatory - move his mouth and produce sound in real time. Add to this the appearance of a person who looks almost exactly like oneself, but…but, especially considering his composed persona, L's reaction was a bit…overblown?
…could this be a part of L's Trial?
Is Mu eliding his nightmares in the open air? I thought it was only in the houses…
Raito turned to stare at the stranger's face, expecting to see a replica of L's own. Now staring so closely at him, however, Raito's fingers became lax, and his lips parted slightly.
Because he'd just noticed…
There was a sheen of blood-red colour over each of the man's irises, which were constricted impossibly in their sockets. The rest of the face, in close inspection, was actually not so identical to L's, either – definitely not twin brothers, then... Why had Raito not noticed the differences sooner…? This man actually looked so…so…different, in a way…
…is this guy even real? The hypothesis that this creature was probably an elision and part of L's Trial was gaining traction pretty fast.
But in the meantime, the stranger had not paid Raito even the slightest mind, his whole attention still remaining fixed on L, who, incidentally, had apparently recovered from his initial shock, and was now sporting a more composed expression.
"B" Ryuuzaki attributed the letter like a verdict, straightening his back. Internally, Raito rolled his eyes, thinking ironically that he should have expected one of L's acquaintances - real or hallucinatory - to be named after a letter. But then, just as he was mocking them both in his mind, Raito watched the stranger copy L's movements immediately, improving his posture as well. That was a bit…strange to watch.
"You...don't seem to have changed much." L evaluated, and to Raito, who knew him better than he liked to admit, it was very obvious that whatever status 'B' had 'not changed' from was absolutely not an agreeable one.
But the detective's words seemed to fall on deaf ears. Out of nowhere, surprising both L and Raito, who was still starting at B's eyes with a sense of déjà-vu, the stranger lunged forward, latching onto L's shoulders with sharp nails. Raito started, despite himself, but held himself in check - L could hold his own in a fight...
NOT an elision, then. Pretty mighty real. Reeeeally really real.
"…L…I thought I'd never find you…" the slightly sibilant voice echoed, in a tone so desperate that it was bordering paranoia. L instantly started trying to pry 'B's hands away, but then, just as Raito's jaw dropped from what he'd just heard, the detective froze as well, raising his face to stare into the maniacally constricted eyes.
"You…what?" L asked with a wheeze, and Raito didn't remember ever hearing the arrogant man so breathless before, as though he'd just run a marathon.
Raito took a small step forward, stopping just shy of flanking L's right side, watching the exchange with bated breath. His eyes were fixed on their interlocked white forearms, L's pressed firmly against the other man's. Was L...did he want to fight this guy off...or...?
"Yes. I was searching for you." the lunatic red eyes said, and Raito couldn't control his wince as B's face twisted into an overly wide, sharp-toothed, and entirely too familiar smile "Who else would I be searching for?"
The silence that descended after that statement was so absolute, that, for the first time in all this time, Raito remembered where they were and that he wasn't supposed to be hearing the voice of someone he'd never met before, actually. Perhaps it was because he knew Ryuuzaki that he was allowed, by association, to communicate with the people Ryuuzaki knew as well…?
But at this moment, this kind of rationalization was hardly what Raito was focusing on. The fact that this 'B' character had just said that…so basically L had just found…'the person who was looking for him'. But...but...
"This…can't be right." L suddenly said, and, once again with a rapid motion, shook B's claws away from his shoulders. Raito felt his heart start beating again, now with a thundering force, and he was genuinely shocked to the core at the feelings of relief that flooded him all at once. OK. So fight it was then - and he felt his adrenaline engage in an all too eager manner.
B, however, had a different reaction.
"What?" the look-alike asked, as though flabbergasted by the mere thought that his advance may have been rebuffed. "But...I left you all those nice presents…those perfect bodies…smeared in justice…" the man almost started raving, licking his lips.
It was at that moment, and now emboldened by L's clear intention not to evaporate to Happily Ever After with this individual, that Raito decided he'd had enough of being ignored...and he'd had enough 'insights' on L's history with this guy as well. Clearly, it was not positive and not L's idea of a soulmate. The occult-looking eyes were also a bad omen...
...so even if this was, somehow, L's soulmate...well, Raito didn't think it should be.
"Oi, Ryuuzaki. Who is this clown?" he asked with a curt voice, taking a step forward to stand directly next to the detective.
But, even though he'd been expecting an answer from L, upon hearing his voice, it was B who actually turned around.
"Do I know you?" he hissed in Raito's face, and his red eyes widened and narrowed consecutively, as though he was unsuccessfully trying to mimic L's mannerisms. Raito was taken aback, not immediately understanding what was happening, since he was still too caught up in thinking that this man, whoever he was, was apparently obsessed with…replicating L, both in appearance and character.
"…what?" Raito simply asked, his hostility and sizzling anger temporarily displaced by confusion.
Then, suddenly, L spoke again from the side, his voice much lower than Raito expected it to be, more of a mutter than a statement "He's talking to me." He said,
Raito turned to look at L, only to realize that the black eyes were fixed on B, not on him - he'd been addressing B.
Then B also turned around to stare at the detective. Raito felt that stinging feeling at his chest again as he saw them staring at each other, but, this time, his heart beat faster more due to a sense of foreboding than anything else. Based on what they were saying, and the fact that B had answered to Raito's call, then…
"…I'm 'Ryuuzaki'." L simply said, his eyes unnaturally blank as he spoke to the doppelganger opposite him. "He's talking to me."
Raito, standing a few feet aside, experienced a sensation comparable to when he'd been told Misa had been taken into custody – there were chills running down his spine…as though having been told, right after having eaten, that he'd just swallowed human flesh. So Ryuuzaki…or rather, L… had been…using this guy's name? Why?
"…you…you…why?" B started, verbalizing Raito's thoughts as his red eyes flashed with an indefinable emotion, a blend of ire and incomprehensibility.
But then, just as he'd been acting relatively docile, the…'creature' suddenly lunged forward, bringing his palms to lock in a steel grip around L's throat.
"Oi..!" Raito exclaimed, lunging forward to try and retch B's – no, Ryuuzaki's –arms off. But just as Raito tried to grab the man's hand, B maneuvered out of the way and landed the young Yagami a neat roundhouse kick. Raito was knocked down, momentarily stunned at the resemblance that this guy had to L, even in fighting style. Raito shot back up quickly, but he was still too late - B had already grabbed L again, by the throat this time.
"Why?" B - or 'Ryuuzaki'? - squeezed L's throat harder, and Raito actually heard the disturbing sound of L gasping for breath. If he didn't hurry up, then-
"So that…I won't…forget…" L gave a chocked wheeze, clawing at the hands which were locked around his throat like manacles. His face had started changing into purple colour.
In the meantime, a crowd of people had gathered around them, most of them watching the proceedings only with curiosity, instead of any substantial horror. Why were they all so unresponsive? Did they think this was an elision, or….or ...
Oh.
If this was how the people in elisions feel, not getting a helping hand from anyone...
But Raito pushed this strange thought aside, more preoccupied at the moment by the fact that L's feet had started lifting off the ground.
"We're going to stay together forever…" B was hissing again, as he all but crushed L's delicate skin under his bony palm "You're going to be mine…you're going to come into me…all into me…you're going to be me…I'm going to be you…we will be on-"
"Ryuuzaki!" Raito called reflexively, not remembering that he was assigning the wrong name to the wrong person as the ran toward B, aiming a punch at the man's solar plexus.
But just as Raito was about to bring his fist down, B suddenly turned to dodge the attack, dragging L's rapidly weakening body along the dirt on the ground.
"Ryuuzaki, hold on!" Raito called, cursing the people of Mu and their passiveness. A person was in actual danger, and they were content to just sit there and…wait, was L in actual danger? Wasn't he dead already…? They'd always been able to heal fast before, but they'd never actually tried to kill each other with L...Anyway, Raito wasn't willing to just sit and find out what would happen.
Just as he was preparing to lunge again, however, the red eyes turned to pierce him, staring at him with unreadable scrutiny - as though B had finally taken notice of some 'insect' trying to interfere with his plans. Raito didn't move, waiting to see what the opponent would do. If only he could at least drop off L…but it seemed like this B was holding on for dear life, his grip on L was a steel vice.
Then, as Raito was looking into B's eyes, he absolutely froze. Now that B was focused on him, they seemed to…glow…even more red than before…? And then, within seconds, B spoke once again "Who are you anyway…" he scrunched up his face into an ugly grimace "Yagami…Tsuki?"
Oh…oh no. Raito was immobilized, his body gone as still as a column of ice. No no no no!
There was only one way anyone could mistake his name like that…Misa had done it as well when she'd first met him. There was only one way to mispronounce his name, and that was to misspell the kanji for 'moon'…
And Raito only knew of one way that anyone could instantly read the kanji of one's name, just by seeing their face.
"You…!" Raito started, pointing openly at B and internally cursing himself for not realizing it sooner. "Shinigami…?"
"What?" the black haired man croaked, his lip curling unattractively, and eyebrows furrowing "What's tha-"
But just as the enemy had lost his focus, L, who'd been gathering his strength all this time, found his chance. He threw a kick, aimed well-enough below the belt to knock B off his feet and make him lose his grip on the detective's neck.
"Ugh…" B and L collapsed at the same time, one cradling his bruised pelvis and the other one his throat. Raito lost no time, sprinting forward and grabbing L's upper arm, forcing the other man upwards. The detective was still hacking and heaving as the auburn haired man began dragging him away.
"No, wait." L said with a weak voice, digging his heels on the ground to prevent Raito from manhandling him. "Wait!" His other hand was still clasped around his throat, and Raito could already see bruises forming on the alabaster skin. It must hurt…and now, B was recovering. They had to get away now, or else-
"What?" Raito barked, bewildered, feeling the wrath he'd been suppressing for the last couple days blending with adrenaline and starting to spill over "Are you nuts? Can't you see your little boyfriend's a psychopath!? Lets go!" and somewhere in the back of his mind he registered that he truly didn't like the vitriolic hue his voice had taken right now. What had made him say that anyway? Why was he…?
The mass of people around them, in the meantime, was starting to disperse, some of them probably surmising that it was not an elision after all, which was why they were trying to get as far away in the smallest amount of time possible. Cowards! Raito thought caustically, and - in a rare show of utter frustration, wanting and at the same time not wanting to punch L for being such an idiot - actually spit on the ground beside him, since he couldn't do anything else.
Fully ignoring him, L turned towards B, who had now risen back to his feet. But this time, as the enemy lunged toward the detective again, with his red Demon eyes, L was prepared. Indeed, as he himself liked to say, he could be quite strong when he set his mind to it. And obviously, B didn't seem quite so powerful when not facing unsuspecting victims - clearly he was a disorganized fighter, flailing his arms aggressively around. Raito stood ready in alert nonetheless.
It took only a few short moments, during which the tendons in Raito's entire body had become impossibly tense, for L to bring B to his knees. Finally, the snake-voiced man lay immobilized on the ground, and L bent over him, resting his hands on his knees. Raito tensed up behind him - what was he doing, getting close to that maniac?
"Beyond…" the detective started, speaking in English. Raito didn't understand what the word 'Beyond' had to do with anything, not even after he heard the remainder of he phrase.
"…have you seen ?" Ryuuzaki –no, not Ryuuzaki…not anymore– L asked, his black eyes sliding over the faint man's features.
But B wasn't responding. He didn't seem to be receiving any kind of external stimulus, as he stared blindly off to the distance, muttering incomprehensibilities to himself "I don't understand…" Raito heard him whispering, with the tell-tale speed of insanity "I don't understand…I looked…I looked for you…"
But if B was obstinate, then L was ten times more "Ryuuzaki. Tell me. Mr Wammy…?"
Then, suddenly, as though waking up from his trance, B stopped muttering to himself and opened his red eyes wide, barking upwards "WHY IS HE THE FAVORITE!?" he roared at no one, and then fell quiet again, muttering to himself.
"L…let's leave." Raito's voice, so clear and sharp compared to both the others' tones, echoed around them. L raised his eyes, gazing searchingly at Raito's face for a few moments.
As though he'd even forgotten I was here, Raito thought bitterly, but quickly stifled the recurring sting of that recurring thought.
Until finally, to the auburn haired man's eternal relief, the detective slowly stood up, taking a step away from the ranting man - lunatic?- on the ground. The crowd around them had almost totally dispersed by now, probably realizing that there was no great spectacle to observe here, apart from a crazy man's ramblings.
Without further ado, Raito brought his arm to L's shoulder, his narrowed eyes still fixed on the enemy, as though watching for any stray movements.
"Yes, we might as well…" L's voice echoed, still sceptical, but apparently resigned to the fact that this suspect was not susceptible to any kind of interrogation here -rational or not. But just as finally L stood and turned to follow Raito, and just as they had taken a few steps away from his mysterious old acquaintance, a low, hollow sound, like a chalk scraping on a board, echoed around them.
Both men stopped dead in the tracks. They turned slowly at the pathetic wretch of a man on the ground, but even then it took a few moments for them to realize that his shaking shoulders and low animalistic growls were actually… laughter.
L turned around fully to stare at the pathetic sight, followed suit by a ticked-off Raito. But the low snickering sounded so cruel, so utterly self-satisfied and mocking, that Raito's ire was overtaken by a vacuous pit of unease at the center of his stomach…, whatever came out of this, he could tell, would not be in their best interest.
The shaking was getting more and more uncontrollable…the voice was climbing in timber and volume, until the raving man seemed to explode in high-pitched, insane swathes of laughter:
"HAHAHAHAHAHA! WAHAHAHAHAA!" B practically screamed, as though the horrid sound was being forced out of his lungs, trying to rip through his vocal chords. The sound of a strangled dying animal .. It reminded Raito only too keenly of another insane laughter, one he'd heard from much closer…and one he'd been trying to forget. The few remaining people around them quickly made themselves scarce, and Raito could hardly blame them. This guy looked dangerous for sure…and to Raito's great annoyance, L wasnt showing signs of budging. This went on for minutes on end, and B would not stop howling; and the volume intensified rather than faded as more time passed.
"C'mon" Raito said, grabbing L's arm in a firm grip and pulling him backwards. But L was still staring, as though transfixed.
"Ryuuzaki, c'mon!" Raito repeated, pulling harder and more intently, and only when B's laughter momentarily exploded again did he realize his slip in using the name. Well, whatever, L is L, who the hell cared about this psycho "Come. On!"
Until finally, convinced that there was no point in listening to this, L allowed himself to be pulled away. Once again though, just as L had given in, B's laughter abruptly ceased and was replaced by a sing-song sickly drawl.
"It's really too bad, L…" B laughed a bit more after that, but when L and Raito turned around to watch him again, he was staring at the sky above, and not at the detective, who he was addressing.
"It's too bad that you're searching for that good-for-nothing person…"
L turned around to fully face the other yet again, now obviously intent on hearing what B had to say. Raito narrowed his eyes, looking first at the red eyes of the offender and then at the shaggy rear view of L's blackcovered head. Maybe it was best if they just left immediately-
"When in fact…the one he's searching for…haahahahaha! aaHAHAHAHAHA!"
But L waited patiently for the macabre, sadistic laughter to stop, obviously knowing that the more interest he displayed, the slower he'd learn any information. Besides, at times, even L may have fallen victim to what people call 'trepidation', Raito thought, as he noticed L's tightening fists - barely visible under his long white sleeves.
"…Is his beloved dead wife. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! AA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Raito stared again at the back of L's head, which was completely unmoving, and then back at the maniac on the ground, whose ribs were now threatening to split in two from the intensity of his hysterics. If this hadn't been at once a horrible deja-vu and a rather tragic revelation, he might have even amused himself at the half-baked impersonation of some comic-book supervillain they were being subjected to right now.
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"You're doomed!"
" DOOMED! Hahahaha"
L wasn't moving, B wasn't stopping.
"C'mon" Raito said again, resuming his hold on the detective's shoulder. But his voice was not urgent and biting like before, it was lower…softer...As though trying to console a child after a particularly tough fall - although he wasn't aware of changing his tone at the time. "L. Let's go." he repeated, more firmly. He blocked the view of B and pushed L back a couple steps, until the other man finally turned around and got going.
The laughter echoed behind them, but they did not turn back anymore. Even now, hours after they had quietly left B howling his 'doom' mantra in the middle of the street, Raito thought he could hear an insane screeching sound, gnawing at his ears - halfway between sadistic glee and despondence.
And L? Well, ever since those few hours ago…he didn't seem to respond to any sounds at all.
This hut looked exactly like the one of the previous night, and the night before that…and the night before that. It was situated further from the main street than usual, but since neither Raito nor L were tired enough to succumb to sleeping in a back alley of a crowded street – especially not tonight – they both resolved to walk as long as they'd have to until they could find a nice, secluded, empty shelter.
When they finally got there, Raito got to work walking to the nearest well and filling up their new bucket –which they'd picked up earlier this evening from a nearby junkyard, to replace the yellow one they'd lost during the fight with B. L, in the meantime, had taken his shoes and socks off quietly, throwing them haphazardly in the general vicinity of the entrance.
After that, sitting on the elevated doorstep, in complete silence, the two of them helped each other wash their hands and faces, all the time without uttering a single word. Then, L simply stood up and retreated somewhere in the darkness of the empty room.
Raito looked down at the dirty tennis shoes strewn across the doorstep. Obstinately going against the other's example, he took off his own shoes carefully and set them neatly one next to the other, with unnecessary meticulousness. Then he went about undressing, making sure everything was arranged perfectly. The socks, the bucket, the folded coat…everything…
Eventually he had no more reasons to procrastinate. In order to feel a bit better about it, he reminded himself that, eventually, he'd have to be alone with L anyway. So he walked inside calmly, shutting the door behind him.
Immediately, the interior of the hut was cast to deep darkness, amplified by the heavy sense of melancholy that had overcome them. Tonight's weather was nothing like the frosty wind of yesterday night, but it was just cold enough that it would not allow for rest without a blanket.
Quietly, Raito settled in a supine position near the cabin wall, nesting his hands above his stomach and blinking in the dark.
The silence around was making him uncomfortable, strangely enough. Usually, he'd enjoy this chance to relax…but today, the curiosity and adrenaline that was still running through his veins wouldn't quite let him rest.
Who had that man been? Why did he look so much like L…? Why had L – the bastard – adopted someone else's name? Was that man important to… no, he wasn't. Or else they would have run off to Happily Ever After…right…?
Perhaps most importantly: Was Watari really…not looking for L at all?
Raito's blood was boiling, and his brain just refused to stop whirring. He opened his mouth slightly, considering starting a conversation. It was easy to check if L was still awake, by the pattern of his breathing. Yes, of course he was awake… Actually, come to think of it; L had been truly undoing himself here in Mu all this time, by sleeping every night like a normal human being. Raito knew that for L, it was more natural not to sleep. That's why Raito had been so amazed the first few times, when he'd wake up early with the roosters' call only to find L - the legendary insomniac - actually curled up and sleeping like a baby.
Why couldn't Raito just calm his nerves, though? Perhaps it wasn't the same for L…but no, of course it was the same for him. Well he just found out that his potential soulmate actually maybe isn't his soulmate…that's enough to keep someone awake. Raito pondered, pointedly unwilling to explore the situation of himself and his own soulmate, along with the very real possibility that she actually wasn't his soulmate either. And if she wasn't….who was? Nobody else could possibly like Raito enough to search for him…And if Watari wasn't L's….what then? Would they roam this hell…alone? For all eternity?
But this guy, B…he could just be lying about Watari. He didn't look too trustworthy, did he?
Then again, a grim hunch reminded Raito, a raving lunatic like that didn't seem like he had much to lose at that point either…why would he lie? Unfortunately, more likely than not, he'd been telling the truth… and if that was the case…
Unable to feel comfort despite his best attempts, the lean man rolled to lie on his other side facing away from the wooden wall and toward L. Even though he was barely visible in the shadows, Raito could just vaguely discern the other man's quiet profile. L was sitting propped against the opposite wall, his eyes still open - although, for once, they weren't trained on Raito at all, but turned downwards instead - staring at the floor. More than any other time recently, the detective was curled in on himself, knees drawn to his chest, arms wrapped around shins and head leaning lightly on his arms. It took a moment for Raito to realize that he hadn't seen that balled-up protective, foetal stance quite as often here in Mu as when they were alive.
Is he scared? Or just processing?
Had L truly been affected that badly by B's words…? Raito found it difficult to admit to himself that he had neither the insight nor the intel to make an educated guess. All in all, even now, after all this time, L remained a mystery. How could any normal human aspire – or why would Raito even want – to understand a mind as complex as that…
Raito shuffled his position again, still unable to rest. In the silence of the cabin, his frustrated breathing was equivalent to an elephant's stomp. And the fact that L could hear him – and consequently read him like an open book – was an equal source of irritation.
Until finally, unable to take it anymore, Raito just surrendered to his hyperactivity. He sat up and leaned his back against the wall as well, spreading and bending his legs in front of him, then setting his elbows on each of his knees in a more open, relaxed version of L's pose. He leaned his head back and inhaled deeply. letting out an imperceptible grunt of frustration when he exhaled.
The black-haired man didn't say anything about this sudden change, probably aware that Raito had never been asleep in the first place. In fact, L kept so still and quiet that, if Raito was a lesser man, he might actually be fooled into believing he was asleep with his eyes open.
Raito stared at the wall opposite from him, which incidentally happened to be the one L was leaning against. After a few moments of frowning at a spot on the wall a few inches above L's shoulder, Raito finally opened his mouth.
…but he closed it again. Frustrated with himself, he scowled a bit more and turned to look upward, through the window at the far wall. The moon had started to wax a bit, but still,... not bright. Not by a long shot. And as for the stars, in this dimension they were just so very dull…as though there was no real light inside them. Just like the sun, moon, and people of this place…everything was…washed out. All the colours appeared faded…
Perhaps they too were dead…like everything else in this god-forsaken place.
Suddenly, a tiny, repetitive clicking sound broke through the stillness - like a little bird chipping at breadcrumbs. Without moving his head, Raito turned his eyes to peer at the detective, noticing that L was biting his nails again.
It was so aggravating being next to a person who bites his nails. Most of the time, out of personal reflex, Raito just wanted to grab L's hand and pluck it away from his mouth…
But just this once, Raito chose to bite his tongue. After all, L didn't seem to be acting annoying on purpose right now, seeing as he'd been too absorbed in his own thoughts – whatever they were – to deign to look at Raito for most of the evening. Even now in the luxury of privacy, the detective was still looking at the floor instead of the other man.
Maybe he doesn't want to look at me…and remember he's stuck with me.
An increasingly familiar sting caused his heart to thump at this thought, and the auburn haired man inhaled deeply, trying to calm himself down. He didn't even know what was wrong with him – he kept getting these ugly weird 'stings' of…of, whatever it was. 'Whatever it was', for some reason hit right at the point of his heart - as though the muscle convulsed violently when a specific type of thought came up… Then it would take a couple minutes to calm it down…And even when it did, the shadow of this painful constriction lingered, as though hovering over him, waiting to intensify again at any minute.
This was not just painful, though..it was distracting..What a terrible nuisance…due to all these 'distractions', Raito couldn't even focus on logical affairs such as: where should they walk? Where would they sleep? What tools should they be looking out for ? L had not been entirely wrong that Raito had been acting preoccupied lately…but if anyone was at fault for that, it was L himself, whose presence unwittingly caused Raito all this…distressing...'whatever it was' stinging emotional stuff.
So annoying. So unfair. And today was even worse - why did Ratio have to be subjected to the baggage-people from L's past, goddammit? As if they didn't have enough problems already, now they had to watch out for random psychos baying for their blood? How many of these guys were there? Raito felt the unrecognizable unpleasant feeling flare up in his chest, as he remembered B's hands on L's throat and that possessive way the other man had dragged the detective behind him like a rag doll- completely ignoring the fact that Raito himself had been in similar physical brawls with L countless times, during which he'd probably done similar or worse to the black-haired man…
Yeah well, that's just sparring. I'm not a psycho. I know what I'm doing.
Raito narrowed his eyes unconsciously at his silent companion, brooding and sulking shamelessly now that he could not be seen.
And where the hell did L's damn kung-fu training disappear to? …Did he WANT to be manhandled by that guy? …Maybe he LIKED it…?
The strange feeling expanded impossibly, a weird mix of anger and…and…this 'whatever it was'...fear? Anixety?
Well if he expects me to go through this crap, he better…he better…
But 'whatever it was' it had just gotten too strong to stifle, and it propelled the next question almost instinctively - which he delivered in a tone that did not broker evasion, but rather demanded an answer.
Now.
"Who was he?"
It fell like a brick in the silence. Moments passed, and Raito kept scowling at the wall, a few inches beside L's face He didn't need to look at L again, he already knew the contours of that face and body very well, having memorized every single curve and sinew. Because L was his biggest enemy, naturally…Raito knew…or should, know, everything.
And in the same way, without looking at him and without making his voice much louder than a drawling murmur, L actually answered.
"A murderer."
He sounded neither somber nor exhilarated, and Raito felt his irritation soften at the tone. That emotionless voice sounded soothing; that blank black stare, which offered nothing and demanded nothing in return, was rather calming when blended with the nocturnal atmosphere. A bit like, Raito thought, when he'd talked to Ryuuku during late nights.
Nevertheless, Raito pressed further, not quite ready to relax yet.
"That much I could surmise. You seem to have a knack for runnning into them here." Raito humourlessly offered the understatement of the century. And then, always keeping his tone devoid of all inflection, as though afraid of what his own voice might betray, he added "And I also surmised that you probably put him behind bars and stole his alias to use for yourself, in a gesture of victory." Less analytical than it sounded accusative, but at least not excessively.
But L, retaining absolute calmness , answered steadily "I wouldn't call it so much a victory, as maybe an…idiosyncrasy of mine."
Raito blinked in surprise, enough to momentarily look at L's face… but he recovered very soon, schooling his face to nonchalance again. "Oh?" he simply asked. "So had you defeated me, you would have called yourself 'Kira'? How delightfully perverse." he remarked, and found, to his own astonishment, that the thought of L taking on Kira's name felt slightly exhilarating. Knowing that the other man wanted to constantly carry a part of Light with him…
Is this what B had felt too…?
Raito clenched his jaw at that unwelcome thought again. Bastard - although he wasn't sure who he was cursing this time; L, B or perhaps himself?
"No" L answered swiftly, obviously having considered this issue before and reached a conclusion about it "Kira was too…unique. When it came to Kira, I enjoyed being L."
Raito was rather confused again at the strange gleeful emotion that he felt upon hearing that declaration. "Gee. I'm flattered." he said with the sarcasm that was expected of him…but if he were to admit it to himself, it was not completely untrue. What was wrong with him? All these weird emotions and sensations - more in one evening than he'd had during an entire lifetime, almost. Maybe Mu was getting to him after all.
"Hn…" L gave a small pensive sound, and then kept quiet for a few moments. Raito rubbed the back of his neck with his right hand, then brought it back to rest on his knee, finally closing his eyes to enjoy the breeze that was coming from outside. Seems like finally, he was starting to relax a bit. Must be the temperature…or something.
"Besides, there's no point having such a popular pseudonym. I wouldn't manage to fool anyone." L pondered aloud, and Raito snorted a bit.
"Not that you managed to fool anyone with 'Ryuuzaki' either…we all saw through it from the start, didn't we?" Raito recalled, and, strangely enough, instead of being irritated or frustrated at the memory of L introducing himself to everyone inside the hotel room…Raito felt rather…nostalgic. That time he first saw L…he remembered the adrenaline, the exhilaration…the shock, simultaneously noticing the other's youth and otherworldly features, as well as his oddity and seeming physical frailty. He remembered Ryuuzaki's - L's- eyes, huge and black, like warp tunnels in space, sucking him in. He got so lost in that memory, in fact, without realizing it, he even smiled a bit to himself - a wry secret smile, seen only by the dark.
"Well, the point of that one wasn't to fool anyone, anyway." L stated and, unable to decline such an obvious invitation, Raito turned around despite himself, finally moving his eyes from the window to L's face.
"Is that so?" he asked simply, and did not bother masking the curiosity in his voice. Why would he? There was nothing to be afraid of, at this stage. No ambition to look forward to. Nothing. Just a conversation, in the darkness."What was the point, then?"
"…" L stayed silent for a few moments, thinking. Until, finally, he spoke again, very slowly, as though trying to decipher his own words while uttering them "I suppose…because whenever I hear that name I...remember. It is useful, for someone who enjoys the 'game' as much I do…especially in the case of Kira…I needed it. To constantly remind myself of why…why I truly need to capture murderers."
And even though Raito could not distinguish the other's features very well, he still recognized the white of Ryuuzaki's face, as the detective turned to face him completely, the familiar eyes once again huge and black like whirlpools, just like they had been that first day, drawing everything in, sucking the oxygen from the very air.
It's hypnotizing.
Raito shook his head.
What am I-
He decided to turn to easier topics, a more well-trodden, if somewhat stale path.
"I thought that Kira was 'just another common murderer'. You needed reminding?"
"Morality was never my strong suit, Yagami-kun." L added and Raito almost snorted aloud. At least L was finally prepared to admit what they'd all known all along: For him it was fully about the game of 'catching the felon'. All the rhetoric about justice was just flowerly language...deep down, it was just ego. But what L said next did make Raito raise his eyebrow: "Fear, anger and disgust were much more effective. Ryuuzaki's memory could always evoke that in me."
The words fell heavy. Suddenly, the mild levity of before was gone, and the darkness around felt oppressive, pregnant with subtext. Had what B done been so horrible, then? …and what the hell could it be that had been so horrible, so special enough to make L - who never felt anything - feel…well, feel? And hold on, did that mean that..?
"And 'Kira' could not?"
L looked at him, dead straight through the dark, as though he could see right through his soul.
" …'Kira' made me feel differently."
Raito dry swallowed. What the hell does that mean? But L wasn't letting up his stare - as though he was looking through Light and could see something...something that even Light himself couldn't. What did Kira make him feel then, if not 'fear, anger and disgust'? Curiosity? Fascination? Raito thought a million miles a minute, curling his hands into fists when he felt them start shaking - without even being able to understand his own sudden...shock?
Excitement?
"I see."
Then he turned away and stared at the dull stars, pretending he hadn't heard anything, he wasn't thinking that 'excitement' was another word for 'arousal', and that his heart wasn't about to burst in his god-damn chest.
In some surprising ways, Mu was very much like living in the countryside. Sometimes, depending on where one was located, in the beginning of the day, one could hear the unmistakable call of the roosters. This was probably a source of great plight for chronic late risers, and glee for old-fashioned grandmothers everywhere.
Raito was mostly impartial to it, but today, he had to join in with chronic snoozers. This was just pure torture…where were these birds hiding, anyway? It was impossible to track them down in the outskirts of Mu, but they had to be somewhere for their voices to be heard so loudly…how could one shoot them down too, if they were already dead, Raito wondered with particular spite.
He cracked one eye open gingerly, knowing better than to allow the cruel morning light to penetrate his mind before he wasn't ready. Needless to say, he'd barely slept a wink last night. He felt absolutely exhausted, cursing the offensive roosters that had woken him and would, apparently, still not let up.
And unfortunately, when Morfeus had finally deigned to visit, he seemed to have fallen asleep in an uncomfortable position as well. Now he had a nasty kink in his lower back and nape alike.
Managing to open both his eyes, he drowsily turned to his left, more out of habit than anything else. Sure enough, there it was: L's black hair fanned out on the floor, the white shirt and denim jeans scrunched around his gangly body as he lay on his side, wrapped around himself even when lying down, like always.
Raito was just about to close his eyes again when he noticed a small detail. He blinked slowly and focused on it: L's marred throat, which, instead of its usual white smoothness, today featured a line of purple-blue bruises.
That psycho…
Raito stared at the mark for quite longer than necessary, in spite of himself. He could see the actual outline of fingers, where B had probably used his entire force to strangle L. Every time L breathed in, a small line would form between his eyebrows and he'd cringe a little. Raito actually rolled his eyes, mentally berating L for not using the coats as a pillow, especially when his throat was at such a delicate state…
Well, it's not like he was able to fall sleep last night either. Could hear his breathing and I was wait-
Recognizing the need to get to his feet and stop that train of thought immediately, Raito gingerly started sending energy down his limbs, forcing them to obey, even when they felt like putty from tiredness. This would not do. They had better wake up and continue their journey to nowhere now, when it was still early, otherwise they might miss the chance to meet…
Who? People who are not looking for us?
Better not think about it. Better not think at all. Whatever - he had to get up.
But his legs would not obey. Just one more minute, one more minute… In a rare show of self-indulgence, which only severe exhaustion could allow, he finally let his eyes wander to the place they truly craved. Hazily, he watched the small lump of L's white-clad torso rising and falling peacefully, at ease for once. Raito let the fluid, repetitive motion calm him, unconsciously synchronizing his own breathing with it.
Watari…if what B had said was true, then he'd met Watari, or at least seen him...So was Watari really…not looking for L? The more that Raito thought about it, the more preposterous it sounded. And, for some reason, the faster it made his heart beat…If Watari wasn't looking for L…then who was? B?
Was L supposed to accept B as a soulmate or...?
It can't be that guy.
But then, L said he made him 'feel' this and that... Maybe with enough time together L would…
Raito's gut tightened, absorbed in his own angst and, once again, conveniently and preposterously forgetting that B had only yestserday tried to kill L - a generally less than endearing 'bonding exercise.'
But, despite Raito's weird ambivalence about the whole matter, if he wanted to think logically about it, there was no way the old man, who'd spent all his time with the detective and was practically like an adopted father – or even his real father, who knows with these two – would not be searching for L.
And L…he probably wasn't taking this whole matter as lightly as he pretended either. Watari was the only thing they hadn't talked about last night….it was as though the detective was even avoiding mentioning his name…
Is the geezer really so important, then? He wants to spend all of afterlife with a grandpa who barely talks?
On the other hand, B didn't exactly seem like the most trustworthy individual imaginable…should they really take his words at face value…? He might have made the whole thing up just to spite L.
Raito finally pushed himself away from the floor, energized by this annoyance, and unconsciously glared at the sleeping L - as was becoming his habit. What was so special about an old man who had no apparent other talents beyond appearing and disappearing rapidly, anyway? It's not as though he could bring L chocolates here in Mu… And anyway, even though he didn't look it, L definitely had raging testosterone issues. He liked sparring with Raito.
How would he manage to enjoy paradise anyway, when his biggest joy is to kick me around every other day? Watari would crumble down with a flick of a finger - ridiculous!
That's right. Regardless of whether Watari was looking for him or not, L should just…just…
'Just what?' Raito wondered, annoyed at himself for no reason, yet again. He allowed his eyes to go hazy as he stared at L's resting face. It was not all that different from L's waking face, except for the closed eyes. But perhaps that was what made the difference, since, right now, L just looked harmless…a bit like a porcelain doll, with that flawless pale skin…
Ryuuzaki was probably…Raito's age, when Raito had died? Around thirty, maybe? Thirty five maximum, just because L did seem to have freak genetics. He looked young, but not young enough to be a freshman in Tou-ou. There was no trace of stubble… How would he have looked like when he was a teenager, Raito wondered, letting his eyes slide over the jawline and to the collarbone, which was lost in the crumpled white folds of the shirt. Probably thinner. Raito could vaguely imagine him, more as an aura than an actual visualization: skinny, awkward…full of knobby knees and knuckles…a shorter, slimmer version of his current self, with smaller clothes and longer hair, perhaps…or shorter hair? Raito couldn't imagine… He had that photo from when L was a little child, but that was all...
As Raito was lost in thought, though, he had failed to notice the pattern of L's breathing change. When the black laser-beam eyes opened to stare straight at him, he wasn't prepared.
This time the shock could not be contained, once again Raito's heart thumped so hard that he gasped audibly. Caught staring at L, he panicked like a deer in the headlights, momentarily frozen and unable to budge. Those five seconds their eyes stayed connected felt like a lifetime, before he finally turned away breathlessly, surreptitiously gasping for air as though he'd just been submerged underwater. Doubtless if he'd been able to see his own face, he'd sneer at the shame written all across it.
L just looked at him. Not blinking, not moving, not saying a word.
Like a cat sizing up its prey.
At least Raito finally got the adrenaline burst he needed to stand up. His movements were unusually swift for a morning, opening the door noisily and leaving it wide open - caution be damned, if it meant exiting the cabin, which had suddenly become stifling.
He stepped outside, feeling the red dirt beneath his bare feet and wincing a bit. Since it was very early in the morning, the sky still retained a light grey glow, which gave a sheen of underwater colour to all the surroundings. The dirt on the ground, which Raito knew to be brick-red, was now a deep brown colour…and the sharp metals and destroyed objects dispersed around him all retained a dull shine.
Without stalling any longer, Raito sat on the doorstep of the cabin, wearing his shoes quickly and efficiently - his back firmly and resolutely turned to L.
He grabbed the pink bucket's handle, wondering with slight annoyance why they always seemed to end up with ridiculously coloured buckets, and rapidly walked down the hill in search for a water source. With every step he took further from those disturbing eyes, he felt his lungs fill with air - as fresh as Mu could provide - and his heartbeat finally slow down. God damn it, he didn't know what exactly was wrong with him…but if he wanted to stay functional and help them both find a way out of this place, he had better get it together - and fast.
It took a bit longer than he'd calculated to find a proper tap. Usually, these hydraulic devices were attached to the back part of buildings, or they just randomly appeared amongst the piles of useless discarded objects in the junkyards, which seemed to be everywhere in Mu. But this time, he'd been forced to walk down the entire hill before he could find a proper one, and then climb back up again. It must have taken slightly more than forty minutes, in total, and, quite obviously, they wouldn't be able to make many trips back and forth.
Raito was just thinking about whether or not he should go back to the high street and scavenge a 'haunted house' to get some new clothing for both of them before returning - definitely not in order to procrastinate from the awkwardness - when he saw the small figure in the distance, standing at the open cabin door on top of the hill. The white shirt shone like a beacon in the distance and Raito kept staring for a moment, until he saw L turn around, receding back into the hut.
Raito blinked and sighed deeply, feeling the heaviness of the water bucket weighing him down suddenly, as he walked the rest of the way up the hill. Guess he's cursing the fact that it's me and not Watari... Funnily enough, when he couldn't see that white beacon up there, and now coupled with these less than happy thoughts, climbing felt harder.
Only after he'd arrived and had bent over, heaving for a few breaths, did Ryuuzaki - L, L, not Ryuuzaki, this will be a hard one to change - deign to come out again, looking as infuriatingly nonchalant as the next Mu ghost.
"Good morning, Raito-kun."
"Good morning." Raito said, more tensely than he'd intended. With the detective piercing him with his gaze so directly…again…Raito didn't exactly know where to look on L's face or how to speak in order to slow the pace of his own damn heartbeat. So he tried to minimize both.
Truth be told though, if Raito could abate his constant self-preoccupation for a moment. he'd recognize that L didn't look hostile. If anything, he seemed pretty…tired today. His face was sallow and the persistent staring, unlike earlier, seemed rather neutral and observant instead of accusatory.
"How long have you been up?" he asked, keeping his voice as even as possible for this half-hearted attempt at small talk. Neither of them commented on the fact that he already knew the answer.
"…" L didn't speak for a few moments, until finally, with a slow, unhurried movement, he bent over to gather and fold his blanket "…not that long. Did you get some water?"
Not like him to ask the obvious. Raito mused behind L's turned back. Maybe I'm not the only one weirded out by all this.
"Yes" Raito said, Raito stared at the detective silently for a few moments, until L finished folding the coats and he turned to Raito with questioning eyes. "Yes, it's here." Raito repeated dumbly, hating his sudden sense of disorientation. He put himself to work, reaching for his own blanket and folding it. "Turns out there isn't a tap for almost three-quarters of a mile. I basically had to walk to the High Street."
L didn't respond for a few moments, and Raito, feeling stupid for absolutely no reason, and then frustrated with himself for feeling stupid for absolutely no reason, walked to the doorstep to get the bucket.
"Well then we probably can't shower here this morning..." the resident Sherlock finally concluded, and Raito figured that if L had time to sound like that, then he was probably all right. Suddenly, however, L's words properly sunk in - like a tendril of poison spreading around Raito's bloodstream: Shower.
Right. Shower. Like every morning.
Unable to understand his own trepidation, Raito bit the inside of his lip and grabbed the bucket, bringing it to the doorstep. He motioned wordlessly and L caught the drift. Raito made sure to keep his eyes closed while the other man carefully cupped his hands with water and held them for Raito to dip his face.
"This might be easier if we find a funnel. Or maybe even a bottle - we could submerge it and -"
"Good point. I'll grab one next time. " Raito bit out quickly, unbearably annoyed at not having thought of it first, and needlessly taking sole responsibility. What the hell is wrong with me?
It didn't take long for them to gather their meagre belongings and start walking down the hill. They remained careful, as always, not to bump into any dangerous objects, lest hallucinations start appearing in front of their eyes, as was the popular tendency in this place.
Everything is exactly the same as every other day, no need to panic, Raito kept repeating in his brain like a mantra. Everything was continuing as normal: he was looking for Misa and L was looking for…Watari, and that was the end of it. Yesterday's incident was just that… a random psycho trying to manipulate them. Nothing was wrong. Nothing had changed.
Something had definitely changed.
Showering, for one thing, had changed. At least for Raito.
First off, he hadn't really wanted to take his clothes off in front of L, which was weird in itself, seeing as he'd done it a hundred times before. Then, when he'd finally bitten the bullet and done it, he'd kept looking down at the ground to avoid L's eyes at all costs, as though he was ashamed of his own body…which he wasn't, so what the heck was up with that?
But every time he told himself to come back to his senses and act naturally, memories of last night would come knocking: that image of L's black eyes trained on him, that line about how Kira made him…'feel'...it all returned to his mind…and every time it did, his heart somehow panged painfully.
'This emotion…must be humiliation!' Raito thought angrily, frowning despite himself as a curtain of water rained from the top of his head, down to the ground. 'No other way to explain it. Why am I ashamed and self-conscious constantly? He must be doing something to make me...feel this way. But what?'
But he wasn't really furious at L either. Or maybe he was? If anything, L was acting completely nonchalant - as though all these thoughts and emotions were going completely over his head, and he was completely indifferent. Just like he had acted after Raito had had his big 'nightmare' incident….What game was he playing? What was with all the mystery takl about Kira and 'feelings' and stuff…Didn't he…think this was weird as well? How was he ok with all this? Of course, it's not like Raito would have appreciated L asking lots of questions and being ultra nosy about his nightmares and Trial of Souls and all that...but total indifference? That was a bit...annoying too, honestly. If there was anything Raito liked, it was getting under L's skin - and he seemed to be resolutely failing in that score lately. Rather the reverese, L was winning the 'under-the-skin game' by a mile.
In the midst of all this, Raito thought to tell L not to shed water only on his back, but, when he opened his mouth to speak, he found that no sound would come out, so he closed it again.
Great. So now I can't even talk to him. Fantastic. Way to go, God Kira.
When Ryuuzaki's turn to wash up came, the situation became even worse.
Raito very deliberately and obstinately watched a stray dog with mangled brown fur wander aimlessly down the alley toward the high-street, keeping his eyes trained anywhere except the plains of exposed skin in front of him, which was broken only by the color of blue-yellow bruises around the nape. When the dog was gone he defaulted to the next random object he could muster, which was the throng of people vaguely visible at the end of the alley.
But even the thought that Misa might be one of those people and that Raito might be missing his chance to meet her was not enough to alleviate his current principal feeling of distress. Besides, he wasn't so sure about this concept of 'finding the one who is looking for you' at all anymore…Hadn't L found B, a person who was obviously looking for him…? But clearly...it wasn't so simple. L had to be searching for B as well... But would he maybe start searching for B now, now that he knows B is looking for him...? Maybe that's why he's so spaced out?
At that thought, Raito's hand slipped on the heavy bucket, and the container fell from his fingers onto L's naked shoulder, causing the detective to let out a surprised grunt of pain.
"Oh, sorry!" Raito started uncharacteristically, retracting the bucket quickly and cursing at himself for his distracted behavior "… Are you okay…?" Then, as a second thought, since he had started on this track, let out the question he'd been holding back the whole morning "Your throat is…?"
"It's fine." L reassured quietly, rubbing his shoulder a bit. Raito immediately turned away, repeating to himself that of course he was ok…and I sound like a nanny, this is ridiculous. In Mu, even big wounds should heal in a couple of hours...L would be just a-ok; it was Raito who was the bigger worry: with his sudden inability to hold onto objects, his awkward, uncontrolled movements…and apparent inability to think clearly…it was these issues that were more worrying, and apparently not healing themselves automatically either...
Again agitated at himself more than anyone, he walked toward the tap, setting the now empty bucket beneath it.
As though to taunt him, the stray mutt from before appeared once again, running away from the High Street and back into the quiet back alley. Yup - not even animals wanted to remain where the two men would be forced to enter in just a few minutes. The amber-eyed man stared at the dog's pathetic fur and furrowed his brow a bit, his annoyance evaporating slightly as he noticed the animal's lowered ears and terrified whines.
"D'you think dogs can see the same hallucinations as humans?...or do they have their own Dog Mu, with Dog Elsiions?" Raito asked, speaking to himself more than asking the detective a question. This was why, when he heard L's deep bass voice echo from a few feet nearby, he was rather jarred from his reverie.
"Well, after all, animal humanization is as old as time." L commented noncommittally, and Raito turned to stare at him with a pensive expression.
"Yes…but human attempts to humanize them are actually completely different from whether or not they actually have human traits…" Raito commented, looking at the stray, which stayed carefully away from them and opted for sniffing the ground around them, not knowing it was being gossiped about. "…maybe they indeed have some of those traits, without our knowing." Raito concluded
"Yes well, that is the general argument of the humanization principle…which is why starting this debate is always completely and utterly pointless." L concluded solidly, and Raito, who was looking away from him, blinked rapidly, then gritted his teeth at having been dismissed so scornfully.
"Pointless eh…?" Raito muttered a bit, and his eyes slowly came to the bucket, which was now overflowing with water, then stealthily back to L, who was sitting there nude - apart from a small decency cloth - looking absently at the dog, completely unperturbed…A small nasty grin started spreading over the lower part of Raito's face, and he made absolutely no move to hide it. Payback time for all the annoying thoughts, maybe?
"Well then..." he started, and calmly picked up the full bucket in both hands. "Let's stop talking!"
A few seconds later, the birds that were gathered on a railing nearby flew off rapidly, scattering in the sky like cherry blossom leaves. Their frail hearts could not withstand sudden splashing sounds.
Since the weather was so very cold today, and since they needed to rest anyway considering their lack of sleep, they decided to sit down and enjoy their lunch. Of course, 'enjoying' the food was quite a relative term, which was not altogether accurate when associated with the molding fruit and nauseating odours of Mu.
Nevertheless, after what had happened that morning, what with the childishness of the entire concept, they both perhaps shied away from being alone together again - lest they again start acting like a pair of retarded prepubescent boys. Therefore, Raito, who was rather guilty about not-being-guilty for having started a splash fight of all things, contented himself with a temporary armistice, staying in the high street where they were surrounded by people – even if these people functioned more as silent mannequins than parts of an interactive environment. Now the two of them were sitting side to side on the side of the road, both looking out to the open street, people-watching in silent agreement.
"I spy …" Raito's slow drawl spoke around his mouthful of sickly fruity mush. "… 'p'." Perhaps it was the childish water-fight of this morning that had reminded him of other silly games he had played as a kid. He'd remembered how, long ago, at family trips taken near the river, he would play this with Sayu while their parents were setting up the picnic - a way to teach her the names of flowers and plants. A bittersweet memory, one of the few that remained of her after his Trial.
"Peg." L replied instantly, without even thinking about it.
"No." Raito said in a slow, drawn out manner, almost savouring the word as it fell from his lips.
A slow, relaxed grin spread over Raito's face, as he leaned his head back against the building wall, bringing his fruit to his mouth and taking a quick, mildly repulsed bite. Ah…winning. Felt good, even for the silliest things.
"Pole...pliers...your food" L probed with increasing certainty, as the options narrowed. Thankfully there were currently no elisions to add to the possibilities - the hallucinations often involved a variety of objects.
Raito grinned some more around the disgusting peach near his mouth, unable to suppress it and not even caring to. "No, no and no."
L narrowed his eyes. Apart from the peach, he'd been choosing objects which were situated out of Raito's field of vision, believing that the other man would try to disorient the opponent by not even looking toward the direction of the thing he was referring to. But perhaps he should think outside the box - maybe Raito wasn't playing fair.
L decided that two could play this game. He looked pointedly at the people around them, having no trouble detecting something. "Paranoia." He decided, but Raito shook his head with a slight smirk. "Panic."
Then, finally, L's eyes fell to the side of the street, seeing a very blurry image, something moving in a small dark orifice - barely visible and super small. He turned his whole head sideways to finally look completely at Raito, a bored look in his eyes "'Porcupine', Raito-kun."
"At last, success." Raito said dismissively, closing his eyes as he bit down on his fruit, obviously trying to distract himself from looking at what he was forced to eat. "Thought you might be losing your touch there, Sherlock."
L audibly 'hnn'ed, but didn't say much beyond that... and then Raito was stuck again. Now that the game was over, he was forced to refocus both on the disgusting victuals and the lingering sense of discomfort between them, which was refusing to go away. He opened his mouth to start another round of "I Spy" when L actually beat him to it:
"But what is the meaning" L started, bringing his own fruit right in front of his eyes, looking at it as an alien specimen, his fingers lodged on it like a pair of surgical handles on an organ implant "of us feeling famished on a permanent basis?"
Raito looked at the distance as he chewed, listening to the other man's words but unwilling to look at him for extended periods of time. He was grateful that L was breaking the silence, honestly. When he looked away while listening to L's voice, it felt a bit like the old days, before all the strange thoughts and feelings had started happening. Just L, philosophizing, theorizing, blabbering…it was almost comforting.
"Even though we scarcely eat, we don't grow thinner" L continued, widening his eyes at the little fruit he was holding, as though it held all the answers to the metaphysical mysteries of the afterlife "Which can only imply that the point of this feeding ritual is the constant hunger, not the actual need for energy."
"Yes." Raito sneered while looking at the distance, his face a mix or irony and scorn "Inability to feel satiation is perhaps an innovative way to torture us." Then, as though to punctuate his point - or perhaps to rebel against the perceived effort to oppress him - he bit on his fruit a tad more viciously than necessary, chewing and crushing the mush in his mouth with whatever gusto he could muster.
"That's exactly my point. Why bother to torture us at this late stage? It's nonsensical...perhaps torture is not the ultimate goal, here." L tapped his thumb against his lips, until, finally, he let it sink in his mouth in the way that was his wont.
But from beside him, instead of just ignoring it as he usually did, Raito temporarily stopped gnawing at his fruit, his eyes stilling on Ryuuzaki's finger., the way it sunk in between the pink lips, the small tip of pink tongue that came out to lap at the juicy pulp - like a cat lapping at milk...Raito for some reason...liked looking at it.
A few moments passed, and they both stayed silent. The auburn haired man obviously hadn't realized he was staring rather strangely, or else he would have resumed eating immediately. L, obviously sensing he was being so intently stared at, turned around to return the gaze.
"Raito-kun?"
These simple words were enough to jerk Raito out of his small trance. He suppressed his reflex to turn away immediately, lest his discomfort become obvious. Instead he settled for a less discriminating expression of disinterest, and slowly turned back to his fruit.
"How the hell should I know, L?" he asked with mild annoyance. This was not customary for him; he usually did indulge L's philosophical pursuits…but now, once again, he seemed…distracted. "You could ask the same about everything else in this place! Seems to me it's torturing us just to torture us, and that's just how it is. Anyway you're only assuming we are now in a "late stage" in the process...when in fact, we don't know what else is in store for us, do we?"
After that pregnant question, the detective's talkative mood seemed to dissipate...and Raito felt a small hint of guilt nag at the back of his mind for being so hostile. L had only been making conversation, really...now, without it, the awkwardness was back full force. At least the detective didn't seem too insulted - perhaps he was used to Raito's foul mood by now. Simply sensing the change in vibe, L turned his face back away from the auburn-haired man, looking at the pedestrians with his wide eyes as he chewed.
A few minutes later, just as Raito was starting to slow his overthinking and settle in a semi-comforting pensive silence, L stood up slowly, wiry arms pushing him against the ground and long thin legs bouncing underneath the denim jeans. Raito shook his head inconspicuously while L was turned away, trying to determine how it was possible for him to suddenly notice all these particularities about L's body.
It was probably because they bathed together every morning, Raito reminded himself. Those horrible showering rituals…That's why he now knew all these details-
"-want another one?" Ryuuzaki's voice rang, and Raito's chestnut eyes, which had been unfocused on the ground before, shot up immediately. After a few awkward seconds, Raito opened his mouth slightly, his eyes a bit narrowed. As he sat down there, beside the standing L, he felt so short, suddenly. So…stupid.
"I…what?" he simply asked, seeming a bit jumpy all of a sudden. L's current standing pose was making him a bit nervous. It seemed as though L was preparing to leave. Where was he going? Why had he stood up all of a sudd-
"I'll get one more. Does Raito-kun want one?" the detective repeated his previous offer for a fruit, evidently not phased at all by Raito's newfound retardation. The auburn haired man seemed to relax slightly, not even realizing himself how tense he'd previously been. He slightly shook his head, and Ryuuzaki nodded, turned around and slowly walked toward the mass of people, who were gathered in the wide street.
Raito didn't realize that he'd been keeping his eyes fixed on L's back, until he saw L's white shirt disappear behind the dark shapes of other people moving. Reflexively, when L's figure totally disappeared, Raito sat up a bit, blinking. He swallowed and took another quick, rather furtive bite from his fruit.
Now that he finally had a moment of total privacy – despite being in a quintessentially public place – thoughts started rushing through his head. He tried to decipher why his behaviour lately had been so erratic, and why he seemed to be feeling constantly frustrated. Unfortunately, however, his self-psychoanalyzing session didn't seem to be going as well as he'd hoped. He wasn't reaching any enlightening conclusions any time soon... And to top it off, to his great annoyance, this time he couldn't blame it all on L either. Because, after all, L was neither forcing Raito to stay, nor doing anything particularly frustrating for Raito to be angry at. Overall, generally sp-
Raito's thoughts froze immediately, a chill climbing up his spine. Was that…? His heart started hammering immediately, and it took some willpower to force himself not to jump to his feet, lest he betray himself.
Immediately he turned back ahead at the walking passerby as though he had not noticed anything - pretending to be calm and composed, when he was actually nothing but. From the corner of his peripheral vision, he could now see very clearly the..thing…The crawling stance, the black head, the red eyes...It was hiding behind a small crate-like structure, but Raito could very clearly see it. Once he had detected it, it was impossible to ignore. A few moments passed, during which he did everything in his power to act completely naturally.
Goddamit L...come on, what's taking so long..? His thoughts were racing a mile a minute, feeling the adrenaline course in his veins, We gotta get outta here….NOW!
Suddenly, amongst all the internal panic, a fuzzy thought crossed Raito's mind, nearly making his breath stop. What if L… wasn't planning to come back? Had he decided that Raito was being too…too…overbearing? Had L abandoned him…? It was possible…after all, Raito had murdered him…L had 'feelings' for 'Kira', and those feelings were…maybe L hated him? Is this what he had been trying to say last night?
Yes but even if he hate me…
Raito's eyes flashed quickly to B's alien figure in the distance.
...I can't leave him at the mercy of this monster.
Raito clenched his jaw; it was taking all of his self-control not to shoot up and run in search for L, not just because of the unbidden panic at being left alone but also because he was wary to let the…the thing out of his sights.
A few moments passed, during which he did everything in his power to act completely naturally. If L didn't come back soon, Raito would… he would…
Then…finally! The overwhelming relief he felt when he saw the white glow of that damnable white shirt in the distance was enough to shock even Raito himself. It was very short lived though, since the paranoia of before quickly took over. Upon seeing L, the Japanese man fought to keep his face completely neutral, even though his eyes quickly darted to the side to check if the thing was making any threatening moves.
"Long queue." Ryuuzaki simply said by means of explanation, and Raito momentarily registered some gratification at not being abandoned after all. This feeling quickly made way for anxiety, however, as self-preservation prevailed. The auburn haired man stifly and automatically grabbed the fruit that L had offered him, his expression steeled-over in order to prevent his true alarm from showing.
"No problem." Raito said, his voice the epitome of total neutrality. Ryuuzaki looked at him a bit curiously, not moving from his standing position and continuing to awkwardly stand there, until Raito, whose adrenaline was soaring by now, whispered, in a rather urgent voice: "Sit. Down."
L stared at him for a few moments more, forcing Raito to turn and look at him again, as meaningfully as he could. Catching the drift finally, the detective folded his long legs, setting himself in the place beside the other man, exactly like before.
"We're being followed." Raito stated, the moment L had brought the new fruit to his lips. A few seconds later, he saw L's eyes roll all the way towards him, even though the detective didn't turn his face an inch. Then, finally, the jaw-dropping answer came.
"I know."
"What?" Raito immediately asked, unable to keep his visage from showing at least a bit of irritation, his voice belying even greater fury. The little vermin, so he'd known all along..?
L strategically placed a thumb in his mouth, and finally turned his head to a small cocked position, keeping his mouth completely concealed from the enemy's eyes "He can read your lips." The detective simply said, his voice a whisper.
Raito froze, not needing to be told twice. He stopped talking altogether and immediately schooled his expression into absolute neutrality, a skill hardwired into his body after a decade of being Kira. Turning away from L and pretending to focus completely on his own fruit. he started feeling something very akin to fear climbing into his heart. A kind of fear he hadn't experienced in a very, very long time.
A horrid feeling. One that was able to chew your liver inside out, if you weren't careful with it: the knowledge that someone else would be behind you, persecuting you, not letting you rest. You would be hunted down as a perpetrator. Forever. For ever.
Raito's jaw set. His half-eaten fruit had lost what little appeal still remained. He unceremoniously threw it away to the side and, without preamble, kicked upwards, shooting to a standing position. He bent to gather their few possessions in his hands.
"Come on." He said in fabricated cheer, his eyes meticulously avoiding the spot where B had camouflaged himself diagonally across the street. But the red eyes were impossible to conceal…it was how Raito had managed to discover him in the first place.
L moved unhurriedly, standing up exactly as he would under normal circumstances - slower and clumsier than Raito, even though Raito could tell now that he was equally high strung. It was useful that the two of them were so seasoned in this, or they wouldn't have managed to build such a high level of intercommunication so quickly.
Unfortunately, the fact that they'd start moving would mean that they'd lose track of their pursuer, but if they delayed moving any longer then it would seem overly suspicious.
The two minutes that it took for them to start walking down the street, moving along with the throng of people again, were torturous for Raito, whose heart was beating wildly, dancing in a frantic beat of anxiety. You simply never knew with a person who had the Shinigami eyes - a person temperamental enough to have sacrificed half of their lifespan...what were they not willing to do? How far would they go? This had always been, fundamentally, Raito's problem with Misa as well. Despite her unfailing loyalty, despite her determination...at the core of everything, the ultimate sacrifice she had made...it was proof of irrationality. Borderline Insanity. Self-implosion. Something he'd never quite understood, and had always been afraid of - if he was honest about it.
And now, more than ever before, Raito keenly recognized that in Mu there was no police, no FBI… no Death Note…and the people surrounding them, however many, had their own problems to think of. People here are all caught in their own heads...I guess they figure, since everyone will suffer anyway, why bother helping? And even if one did somehow manage to restrain a criminal…there was no way to kill anyone, since they were all already dead - that person would revive soon and haunt them again.
"Since when?" Raito simply asked as they walked, side by side, keeping a moderate pace. He kept his voice low, hating this situation with an incomparable passion, be it as it reminded him of all the worst periods of his life - and death.
"This morning" L answered, and Raito did not bother with asking why L hadn't informed him of this. It was obvious that the detective knew something – no, many things – about B that Raito didn't,...and truth be told, during their lives on Earth, Raito had not given L overwhelming reasons to trust him, so he couldn't blame him for that...
But still…being left in the dark stung more than Raito liked to think.
However, his own unexplained, aggravating emotions were the last of his problems right now. With 'Ryuuzaki' on their track and no form of defense against violence except their own fists, the only solution, Raito knew, was to try and disorient the hunter; shake him off their tail.
It was very easy to become lost in Mu, Raito reassured himself, conveniently ignoring the fact that B had somehow still managed to track them down since last evening…so clearly he was quite good and passing by undetected and not getting lost. But anyway, Raito calculated - all they had to do was to was a bait and switch: make him think they were going down one way and at the last minute, when he was already fooled and en route, switch to another. This setup, however, had as a prerequisite that they actually knew where they were going and where they could escape...and mapping Mu was much easier said then done, and…
It was then that Raito's eyes fell on it. Completely at random. And the unbidden thought, however distasteful, crawled to his mind.
House.
The one place in Mu which would have a locked door.
They'd have to time it correctly, of course…they'd have to disappear in a house right when B would lose track of them…and then, they'd escape his grasp…they'd stay in the house, and then…
"L-" Raito started saying, his fists growing clammy at his sides. But just as he was about to make the utterly preposterous suggestion, that not even he was sure he wanted to propose, a loud, deafening noise interrupted him - like a booming thunderstrike magnified by ten.
The two of them turned around immediately, to detect where the booming sound was coming from - the sky. Many people around them covered their ears with their hands and started quickly walking toward the exits of the High Street, apparently not estranged by this sudden ruckus. But both Raito and L stayed put in the rapidly panicking crowd, staring flabbergasted at the rare spectacle, too curious to exactly be afraid at what was going on.
At first, it looked beautiful, like a rain of comets, or meteor storm. They were traversing through the darkened evening sky, leaving a glowing trail behind them, like falling stars. Instead of simply falling in the distance, however, they kept coming closer and closer, with those deafening thunderclap sounds as accompaniment.
Raito noticed that most people in the street were running frantically to all four directions, taking shelter wherever they could, running out of the High Street and even into houses - something they normally avoided at all costs… Did they know something he didn't? …With that in mind, it didn't take long for Raito, who'd been gawking at the sky in a form of speechless incomprehensibility, to realize that these…glowing fireballs…or whatever they were…were definitely...definitely not stopping.
They kept coming, and would keep coming - directly at them.
The auburn haired man took a step back, and then another. He loosened his grip on the bucket he was holding and it dropped unceremoniously, the sound completely lost in all the furious noises around.
"Go…go…"
His former predicaments now completely forgotten, Raito's mouth slightly open and his eyes wide, he suddenly turned around, stretching a hand across L's chest and pushing the detective backward as well, since L had still been staring upward, his eyes huge and pupils constricted.
"Go, go, go!"
As though suddenly awoken from a trance, it didn't take long for the panic to settle in, and in a few seconds L had turned around as well. Now they were both running. Toward the closest alley, the closest exit. Anywhere! B was nowhere in their mind now - nothing was except for shelter.
Raito's eyes scanned the street as he ran, and upon seeing the other peoples' open mouths he realized that, even though he could not hear it, most of them must be screaming.
"L!" he called, as he saw the detective stumble, slipping on his damn unlaced shoes. Raito immediately grabbed the other man's arm, forcing him upwards.
They turned around again, with haunted eyes, heading for the first dark alley they could find - but every single crevice and byroad was already teeming with people. Raito rapidly considered going into a house - but he could see people already entering every building in sight. Shit, if only we hadn't stood and stared like idiots for so damn long! From behind them, the thunderous sounds became ear-piercing. B had become a forgotten insect, now that the light around them was increasing, signifying that the…the fireballs?...were coming closer!
At the moment of impact, an entire wave of vibration struck the earth, and Raito spiraled off his feet, tossed forward and slammed to the ground like a rag doll. On his peripheral vision he saw L flying to the air as well next to him, trying to shield himself with his arms as he collapsed to the ground right next to Light.
The earth kept shaking so strongly, that the once silent High Street of Mu had now become laced with the echoes of crumbling brick and rattling stone. Funnily enough, Raito registered quickly in the back of his mind, the howling see-through elisions were the only thing that remained undisturbed, not pausing their nightmarish scenes even for a second, oblivious to the peril around them.
Raito, whose adrenaline was well trained in life or death situations, cradled his bleeding cheek as he crawled sideways. He grabbed L's arm, seeing that the man was still trying to recuperate from his harsh fall, and pulled on it without speaking, forcing L to follow him, crouching on hands and knees towards the side of the street - both of them now completely covered in dirt from head to toe.
With the ground still unsteady, and every straight line of the world around them becoming twisted and bent, they eventually managed to crawl beneath some wooden scaffolding, which lay against the side of a short building's wall.
Raito pushed his back as far against the wall as it would go, unconsciously trying to become one with the cement, his mind rushing with nightmare visions of being trapped under the rubble - unable to die but also unable to extricate himself, lost for eternity. He could only watch in horror, through the gaps of the scaffolds, at the full fledged panic taking place in the street.
From his side, L was copying his stance, staring forward with his eyes open even wider than they usually were, trying to take in as much information as he could. For once, his knees were not pressed to his chest, but bent haphazardly in front of him, in a defensive position of disorientation.
They both stared at the balls of light that pelted the ground a few meters in front of them…until finally, through the shaking of the earth and the screeching, deafening sounds, they managed to understand what was happening. With their jaws lax and their fingers trembling, they stared, realizing that what they were actually seeing…they were witnessing the birth of…of a…
"It's…" someone said, but Raito couldn't be sure if it was he or L who'd spoken, in such a breathless voice.
Their constricted irises became like shining bulbs, filled with reflected light, as they stared.
To Be Continued - in the next few weeks. Not in fifteen years :)
