Consciousness came back to Izuku quickly. It seemed like no time at all had passed, as he was still sitting on the ground against the wall; the only difference was that he was buried in a small crater in that wall and that his face was searing hot. Izuku looked up with great effort, seeing Bakugou still looming over him with a wicked grin on his face. The smoke was clearing, and it seemed like Izuku had blacked out and come back right away. He'd known that getting knocked out wasn't like the movies where heroes woke up hours later with no ill-effects, but this was way worse than Izuku had been thinking. His head was pounding, opening his eyes felt like looking directly at the sun, and his whole body was numb in a painful way. The two of them stayed stock still for a moment, but Bakugou geared up for another attack, pointing his hands at Izuku once more.
"Tougher than you look, Deku. How about we kick it up a notch?" Bakugou said.
Adrenaline flooded Izuku's body as he understood what was about to happen. He lifted himself up, but quickly froze when he'd just gotten to one knee, due to the pains and injuries he'd sustained in that last blast. His face was burning, stinging like someone had taken a scorching hot brand to it, and his right arm hung in an odd way, likely dislocated. Izuku's legs were unharmed, which was something, but he couldn't move without jolting his arm, which made him cry out as he stopped moving once again. Izuku looked up at Bakugou once again, and he was reaching for the gauntlet that remained on his arm. The other one, the left one, had indeed been Decimated, the crumbled remains lying at Bakugou's feet.
Bakugou pulled a pin out of the bracer, and a loud clacking noise rang out in the otherwise silent room as the world seemed to slow to a crawl. Izuku couldn't move, he couldn't use his Quirk, he couldn't do anything. Bakugou had beaten him completely. A light blossomed in the small barrel of the gauntlet, and Bakugou adjusted his arm so that it was aimed directly at Izuku's face once again. A memory flashed in Izuku's mind, the look on Bakugou's face when they were six and Izuku's Quirk had activated for the first time. That expression that Izuku had held in his heart since that day, but never consciously remembered. He remembered it now, though. That look of fear, disgust, anger and confusion that had all mixed together that day upon seeing what Izuku was capable of, it had been so broken, so hurt and raw. Bakugou's expression now was the complete opposite.
Katsuki Bakugou liked this. He enjoyed inflicting pain and, if he had his way, he'd kill Izuku right here and now. He could feel the heat building in front of him, feel the pressure in that gauntlet that was rapidly expanding into an explosion, and Izuku knew that this would be his end if he didn't move, which he couldn't. This wasn't a training exercise anymore, it was an execution. Izuku didn't focus on that, though. He focused on the expression on Bakugou's face as he waited for his gauntlet to fire. It was a kind of ecstatic joy, an overwhelming satisfaction that made him grin like a maniac and caused the red in his eyes to almost shine with the glee he felt at being the one to end Izuku. Suddenly, Izuku understood.
Izuku Midoriya may have killed. He may have hurt people, ended their lives in the most agonising way possible. He may have been cursed, but he was at least trying to use that curse to do some good. He wanted to be a hero, and that still hadn't changed. He wanted to save people with his cursed power, not hurt them. On the other hand, Katsuki Bakugou may have had power. He had the flashy, versatile, marketable Quirk that made top heroes famous. He had the perfect power for a hero, but he was squandering that potential by acting like a crazed murderer. Bakugou was a villain, through and through, and Izuku finally recognised that in the eyes of the man who'd end his life.
Izuku wanted nothing more than to help people and save lives. Bakugou wanted nothing more than to kill people and blame others for his own bloodlust. Despite their pasts, despite their Quirks, despite everything — despite Izuku probably internalising some of Bakugou's rhetoric, that he was a killer, and that he could never deserve the praise a hero gets, Izuku was trying to be a hero. He already was, in a way, as he'd saved Uraraka in the entrance exam. That was a nice thought. He repeated that in his head a few times as the heat coming from the gauntlet reached a fever pitch.
Izuku was a hero, and Bakugou was a villain. That was the truth.
Oh, well. At least he'd arrived at that truth before the end.
As a bright flash of light filled Izuku's vision and the roar of Bakugou's explosion nearly deafened him, there was suddenly an overpowering rush of wind that threw Izuku onto his bad arm, and he cried out as he slumped to the floor, everything finally getting to him and his body going limp. Izuku looked up and saw a solid beam of light casting a spotlight on Bakugou and another figure, larger and bulkier. Izuku felt stupid when it took him a moment to realise that it was All Might. It also took him a few seconds to realise that it was coming from the massive hole in the wall that had been created when All Might had redirected Bakugou's blast at the last second, saving Izuku but sacrificing the wall and the building across from them, which looked like it was now collapsing due to the blast continuing into the street and across to the other side. Izuku started breathing quick, shallow breaths as the pain began getting to him.
Bakugou looked up at All Might with a confused, almost laughably childish look in his eyes.
"What the hell? Why'd you stop me?" Bakugou asked.
"You went too far. The exercise was over, Young Bakugou. You would've killed Young Midoriya," All Might said with a flat tone.
"Yeah? It was heroes versus villains. Heroes don't—what are you doing?" Bakugou tried to explain himself, but was caught by surprise as All Might completely ignored what he was saying as he picked up and cradled Izuku in his arms. "Just leave him. If he can't stand up to me and face the consequences, then he doesn't deserve to be here at all."
"Young Midoriya has every right to be here. I would think it is you who does not deserve the privilege of this course. Now, if you'll excuse me, Young Midoriya needs medical attention right away. Go back down to the observation room with your classmates. We will be having serious words after this, young man," All Might said, before taking off with his deific speed and causing the world to blur around him and Izuku.
As the world turned into a smudge of colour from All Might's sheer speed, Izuku looked up at him. He was fading fast, he probably wouldn't be able to stay conscious any longer from the pain, but he had a single thought before he did go. All Might was a bit of a verbal klutz, and he had no clue what he was doing when it came to teaching, but he was still the Symbol of Peace, and a damn good hero with his heart in the right place. Or somewhere thereabouts.
Izuku drifted off to sleep, not really caring about much over the fatigue, from both the fight and the anxiety that had been present throughout the day. This had been a royal screwup on All Might's part to hold battle trials place them together like he had, but it had also been their faults, too. Izuku had wanted so badly to prove to All Might and Bakugou that he could be a hero, he'd wanted to ease Uraraka's nerves, he'd wanted to prove to himself that he could do this, and it had all exploded out of him with that batshit insane plan. When he'd lost just a little bit of steam, though, he'd completely shut down, and when he'd lost that upper hand after Bakugou had rushed him after his stairwell plan had gone through. He also hadn't come up with anything for after what really should have been a single step in a larger plan, but was instead all Izuku had due to him wasting time with his stupid panicking before the trial had begun. He had so many areas that he was lacking in. Izuku had a fire lit under him, and he understood that it was necessary to go far in heroics, but this whole disaster had shown him why that sometimes wasn't a good thing, and that he needed to learn how to look at things that aggravated him and brought up his particular issues with tact and intelligence, instead of goading Bakugou into blasting him into paste. All of that was bad, sure, but now he had things to work on. He was here to learn, after all. If he was the best hero ever right off the bat, then he wouldn't need UA, and Izuku definitely needed UA.
When he woke up, Izuku ached all over. He tried to sit up, but he was kept there by a whack on the head from a cane, which when he opened his eyes properly, Izuku saw was Recovery Girl's. He closed his eyes again, the lights above him being far too bright. They still somewhat shone through his eyelids, though, so it didn't look like he could escape from them. He opened his eyes with great effort when he heard Recovery Girl sigh. She looked like she'd aged at least a decade from the last time he saw her, but she hadn't lost her attitude, it seemed.
"How long have I been asleep for?" Izuku asked.
"Three hours. I had to keep you sedated while I operated," Recovery Girl answered.
"Hours? Does that mean …?" he trailed off. He didn't want school to be over. He needed to know something first.
"Classes have concluded for the day. There are a few stragglers, though, if you want to see them," she replied.
"Really? Who are they?" Izuku asked, astonished.
Someone wanted to see him? More than one person had stayed behind after school just to see Izuku? That was so weird. He hadn't really made any strong connections in class, and even if he and Uraraka were friends, they'd only known each other for a month or so. There was absolutely no obligation to stay. He was getting himself worked up again, and he wasn't even sure that she was there, just the idea of it made him nervous. He really needed to get a handle on this whole 'friendship' thing.
Speaking of the devil, when Recovery Girl opened up the door, Uraraka did indeed come rushing in, immediately placing herself at Izuku's bedside and looking down at him with infectious relief. If he was being honest with himself, he was concerned about her as well. Izuku had been wondering how Uraraka had fared against Iida, but she looked unhurt. Izuku knew that she'd lost against Iida, since the exercise had ended even before Bakugou attacked him, which was a matter he'd be taking up with All Might and Aizawa, but he was glad she wasn't in his position right now. Iida seemed to have been keeping all the sense in their team to himself.
"Are you okay?" Uraraka asked, the relief on her face suddenly mixing with worry as she frowned at him.
"I feel fine. What exactly happened to me?" Izuku asked, turning to Recovery Girl.
"You were pretty banged up, kid. First degree burns, a severe concussion, a dislocated shoulder and fractured humerus. I could heal the burns and the shoulder in one sitting, but the concussion and fractured humerus are still present, yet reduced in severity. That's why your arm is still in the sling," Recovery Girl explained. It also explained why Izuku couldn't keep his eyes open for very long; the lights weren't that bright, he just had the worst headache of his life.
"Are you not able to heal everything at once?" Iida, the second person to enter, asked. Izuku wasn't very shocked that Iida would come to see him, since he was all about honouring one's ideals, and Iida seemed like the kind of guy to value someone doing their best despite the odds, even if that someone was his opponent.
"My Quirk, Heal, doesn't do anything by itself. It simply stimulates the body's natural healing ability, making it faster and a little bit more efficient. It doesn't just fix you. It helps you fix yourself. So, if I use it on you too much or too fast, your body's stamina will deplete and you'll drop dead," Recovery Girl said as casually as one would take about what they'd had for breakfast that morning.
"Ah, I understand. Thank you for explaining," Iida said, bowing to Recovery Girl at a perfect ninety degree angle, somehow.
"And that means that you'll have to come back to me tomorrow so that I can heal the rest. For now, you can go home and get some rest. Now scram. I've got people to see and you're all loitering around in the way," Recovery Girl said.
Izuku quickly entered the small bathroom in Recovery Girl's office and dressed himself in the uniform that he found in his bag at the foot of his bed. It took a bit of getting used to, with moving his still injured arm, but he was able to get himself situated in a few minutes' time. He then set out from the nurse's office, finding that Uraraka was conversing with All Might in his true form. He had to fight from letting the spark of anger he felt show on his face, because Uraraka didn't know who this was. She seemed to be having a quick talk with a concerned stranger, making sure that the students that participated in the most hectic battle trial that day were all fine and dandy, from the sounds of it. The two of them looked over to Izuku when he stepped out of the office, but he didn't smile back at Uraraka, despite wanting to. No, he just stared dead ahead at All Might, making the rake-thin man sigh and turn back to Uraraka.
"I'll leave you two. I wanted to have a talk with Young Midoriya, but it can wait until tomorrow. You're due for a healing, anyway, so it's best to leave it 'till then," All Might said, and turned to walk away.
That left Izuku in the incredibly awkward position of being alone with Uraraka, and he still couldn't quite meet her eye properly. He also had the pleasure of doing this just after he'd lost to Bakugou in the worst way possible. He'd frozen. He hadn't had the nerve to stand up to Bakugou, not when they could both do something about the years of tension between them. Bakugou hadn't hesitated, though, and Izuku was paying for that now. He didn't know how Uraraka could look at him with that bright smile, like he hadn't completely given up. He hadn't even forfeited and cost them the match, he'd just shut down, and that had likely cost them the match. Izuku's whole plan was to aim Bakugou at the bomb by misdirection, but he hadn't even been able to do that. He'd just … stopped.
"I'm sorry," Izuku said, breaking the silence.
"What?" Uraraka asked, looking bewildered.
"I lost. My whole plan fell apart the moment we saw each other. Bakugou was just too much for me. I'm sorry," Izuku explained. He felt the feeling of something well up in his chest. Was this shame? He hadn't felt shame in such a long time, he hadn't had time for it. Izuku didn't like it, whatever it was.
Izuku looked at the wall to his right to avoid meeting Uraraka's gaze. He didn't really know how Uraraka would react to losing. He didn't know her background, her motivation for becoming a hero, how she took losing. For all that Izuku was fond of her already, they really didn't know each other very well. They'd known each other for a month or so. Izuku just wasn't sure. He fought off a frown at how unsure he'd been throughout that whole day. This train of thought was derailed when Uraraka laughed softly. Izuku looked back at her, seeing that she was still smiling that same, patient smile.
"That doesn't matter!" she laughed.
"Of course it does. If I wouldn't get so lost in my own head, my plan might have worked and we could've won. But I couldn't get it together, so we lost," Izuku said.
"It's the first proper day! I think you're being a little too hard on yourself. We're supposed to get things wrong, at least a little bit. How else do we know that we're learning?" Uraraka said, losing some of the cheeriness in her smile. Izuku felt bad for being the reason for that, but didn't let it show on his face.
"The hero course is competitive, and there are always more people waiting for a chance to strike at any sign of weakness, just to get into that competition. If you can't cut it, you're cut loose. Aizawa may act like he was just joking, but there are rumours floating around that whole classes of UA's hero course never graduate. I think some of us are lucky to have made the cut this year," Izuku rambled.
Uraraka suddenly looked very slightly hurt, though she clearly tried to hide it. She hunched her shoulders a little and subtly leaned away from Izuku, and he immediately saw what had happened. He waved his good hand in front of him and stuttered for a few seconds, unable to think of anything to say.
"I don't mean you! If anyone deserves this, someone kind like you does. It's just … I'm … there are … issues that I'm trying to work on. I'm sorry if I'm not the best with my words. I've never been good at talking to people, especially not when I'm—" Izuku decided to just stop talking when he realised he'd been barreling towards spilling the beans about his panic attacks. That wouldn't be good for anyone right now.
Uraraka simply looked at him for a moment, not saying a word. It honestly made Izuku feel both elated and nervous. The way his heartbeat picked up and the blood rushed to his face combined with the squirming in his stomach and the faintly sick feeling he got the longer the conversation went on, and it did so in the worst way. Izuku felt like he'd end up saying something bad to Uraraka if he went on like this, do something that made her feel bad or say something that made her think something was wrong with him. He wanted her to like him, so he had to make sure he didn't say anything that made him look bad, or that made it look like he didn't like her. Uraraka was the first real friend he'd ever had, and he didn't want to lose that so quickly.
Once again, Uraraka was able to take all his attention by simply taking one step toward him. He stopped thinking entirely, putting all his focus on her, even though his mind had been swirling with all the negative emotions he'd thought he could feel. He was a mess of anxiety and fatigue right now, and he really wanted to go home and go to sleep, but Uraraka looked like she had something she wanted to say, so he gave her his attention.
"I haven't forgotten our conversation before the exercise, y'know. I know there's something going on with you, I just don't know what. So please, don't try to hide whatever you're feeling. I know we haven't known each other for very long, but I want to be able to help you. Whatever it is that you're dealing with, I want to let you know that you don't have to deal with it by yourself. Putting everything on your own shoulders can't be good for you. Friends are supposed to help you however they can, and there's no way I'm gonna walk away now. Not after all the compliments you're throwing my way today," Uraraka said. A flush came over her cheeks as she added the last part, as well as that brilliant smile that once again made Izuku's heart flutter.
Izuku stayed quiet for a moment. Uraraka was looking at him with such confidence and certainty, it was a look that made Izuku flush slightly himself, but he had to refuse her. It just wouldn't do either of them any good to talk about this right now. He needed to get home and rest before his healing tomorrow, and he was sure that Uraraka had better things to do than to give him affirmations that his feelings were valid and that he was allowed to feel his feelings. He knew that; that was the problem. He was feeling too much . Izuku needed to feel less and think more logically. It was just a shame that he couldn't do that during the trial, and that he'd caused not only himself to fail, but Uraraka as well. That was where the crux of Izuku's issue with this loss truly lied. He'd have been fine with losing because Bakugou had overpowered him. What he wasn't fine with was being responsible for Uraraka's defeat. If only his plan had worked, they'd be fine and Bakugou would be the one feeling this way. Or not, since Izuku was unsure if he felt anything but anger and rage.
On some level, he knew it was stupid to be this torn up about it. It was the first time they'd done practical exercises. Someone had to win, and it was random chance that Izuku was paired up against Bakugou. It was also selling Uraraka and Iida's efforts short, now that he stopped and thought about it. Putting everything on himself was unhealthy, just like Uraraka said. It was probably really rude of him to think like that anyway, like Uraraka's efforts had meant nothing to their victory or defeat. Iida was fast, it was the whole point of his Quirk, so the fact that it took as long as it did for him to win was telling of how well Uraraka had defended against him. He'd thought Bakugou was a tough opponent, but he was mostly self-trained. Iida, and this was if Izuku was actually right and that he was one of those Iidas, had a whole hero family to learn from. Izuku should've had more faith in her. She did get into UA, after all.
"I'm sorry. I guess I just don't know how to relax when it comes to Bakugou. He's kinda .. he just … it's so …" Izuku couldn't think of the right words to say when it came to his bully, but he found that he didn't need to.
As he floundered in that hallway, standing in front of Uraraka and trying to find a word to describe what he was feeling, it all crept up on Izuku. It was akin to a dam breaking, everything he'd been trying to hide today just flooding out of him and Izuku being powerless to stop it. All the frustration, the fear, the fatigue, the embarrassment and the confusion; it all just overwhelmed Izuku and he had to sit on one of the chairs by the wall to avoid falling to the ground as his legs gave out. Uraraka was with him the whole way, sitting down next to him and gently resting her hand on his shoulder as a few tears ran down his face, the quiet sobs of a broken young man echoing slightly down the halls. Izuku had been holding in a lot lately, especially today, but he just couldn't do it. He was a Midoriya, he was built for crying. He wasn't made to bury it like this. If only his mother could see him now.
She'd say, 'Don't hold in your feelings, Izuku. When you bottle it all up, it'll explode when it's least convenient and backfire on you. Just let yourself feel things, and speak up when you feel bad, otherwise nobody's going to know when you finally break.'
Well, he was breaking right now, and he had someone by his side who was helping just fine. Izuku sat there for a few minutes and simply let himself cry, Uraraka sitting by his side if he needed anything. He couldn't lift his right arm, so it was awkward trying to cover his eyes with his uniform sleeve so that he didn't get the rest of it all gross. When he was finally done, Izuku let his head hang back and rest against the wall, letting out a low groan that was broken up by his voice breaking.
"This has been a complete disaster. At least you must have done well. It had to have been difficult to defend against Iida," Izuku said after a while.
"A little. I mostly just used your tip to go for his legs. He used that to his advantage, though, and shot around the room like a little bouncy ball. It was kind of embarrassing how easily he made my Quirk work for him," Uraraka admitted.
"Well, I guess we're in the pity zone together, then," Izuku choked out a laugh.
"Yeah. Together," Uraraka replied, sending him a warm smile that absolutely didn't make Izuku's face flush again.
Izuku stood up, and Uraraka followed. He took a moment to completely calm down and immediately felt himself get even more sluggish and drowsy. He needed to get home and crash. Izuku took a deep breath, then turned back to Uraraka.
"Listen, it's been a long day, and explaining everything right now would make it even longer. How about we talk about it all another day, since we should both get some rest before tomorrow. Even if it's not this scale, it's sure to be a kick in the butt," Izuku said.
"Okay, I can live with that. You are gonna talk, though," Uraraka said, pointing an accusatory finger at Izuku, who smiled sheepishly.
"Yeah. See you tomorrow," Izuku said, and waved Uraraka off.
As she turned to leave, Izuku stayed for a few moments. He took a moment to take in the events of the day before he set off toward home. It had been a hectic day, somehow worse than the day before with the Quirk tests and Aizawa. Izuku hoped this wasn't going to become a pattern. He didn't think he could handle it if it were; his heart would give out. Hopefully, things would even out from here. He tried to tell himself that it was just the first few days, and that everyone was getting used to the way things worked. Izuku and his classmates were new to being hero students, and All Might was new to teaching heroes. That said nothing about Aizawa, but Izuku considered him a whole other beast. It was a test period, in a way. Something to iron out. It wasn't perfect, it certainly wasn't good for Izuku's mental health, but it would build the foundations for something better. Izuku liked the sound of that, so he wrapped up his thoughts and went home to a nice hot meal and a nice, comfy bed, cautious but ready for whatever tomorrow would throw at him.
