Hound Dog's office was not what Izuku had expected. The hero's theme betrayed his apparent love of interior design, as the office was decorated with all sorts of new age art and abstract paintings, as well as a few sculptures. The walls were a stark white, the same as Recovery Girl's infirmary, and Izuku was really starting to get sick of it. Hound Dog was supposed to be a guidance counsellor; what kind of 'safe space' was so sterile? That didn't matter, though, because the truly unsettling thing was seeing Hound Dog himself, in all his canine glory, sitting in the armchair across the table with the most comfortable expression on his face. Izuku wondered how emoting and speaking worked when you had a snout, and then a muzzle over that snout, but that wasn't of importance at the moment. What was important was that Hound Dog had just asked him a question, and Izuku had missed it while wrapped up in his thoughts about the man's mutations.
"I'm sorry?" Izuku asked, snapping his gaze back up to Hound Dog's eyes.
"I asked how you were feeling after what happened on Thursday," Hound Dog said. His voice was gruff, like it hurt to talk like that, but Izuku didn't know how he usually sounded, so he wasn't one to judge.
"I'm fine. I got my new finger today, and there weren't any other injuries to heal, so—" Izuku explained, lifting up his injured hand for Hound Dog to see.
"No, Midoriya, I didn't mean to ask about your physical health. I'm sure Recovery Girl has that all covered. I was wondering how you were doing emotionally. How are you feeling after what happened?" Hound Dog interrupted.
Izuku felt something in his chest sink. Of course this was what this talk was about, but he'd been hoping he could put it off for at least a little while. But no, UA always got right to the chase. First with battle training, then with actual villains. Why did Izuku expect to be in control of something at this school? He sighed and began drumming the fingers of his good hand along the arm of his own seat, trying to come up with an answer that wasn't 'I can't talk about it because I'll throw up and cry'.
"I'm doing okay, I think. What should I be on the lookout for that says otherwise?" Izuku asked, knowing the answer but wanting to come across as oblivious, aloof.
"Well, after events like the one at the USJ, it's not uncommon for people to experience some ill effects in the days, weeks and even years after the fact. It's called post-traumatic stress, and it can affect anyone. That's why we're here today, to talk about what happened and make sure that you're alright, both in body and in mind. So, Midoriya, could you please tell me what you remember from that day?" Hound Dog asked.
"Um, sure. No problem," Izuku said, not really believing it as a bubble rose in his throat. "Well, it all started when that cloud guy showed up and let all the villains in. I saw the leader, and he was … weird. The way he looked at things, at me, at was so overwhelming that I couldn't breathe. It was like those eyes had a depth that I was drowning in, it was strange. My whole body felt numb, and I couldn't move. Maybe it was a Quirk, but I don't know for sure."
Izuku felt the hair on the back of his neck stand on end as he spoke. His skin became prickly, as if it was cold, even though the office was heated. He wanted to shiver, but kept himself from doing so in front of Hound Dog. Luckily, the hero didn't seem to notice anything wrong with Izuku, or if he did, he didn't say anything. Thinking about it, that was probably worse for Izuku if he didn't say anything but still saw, since he couldn't just slip under the radar without gauging the reactions of the person assessing him. All he could get out of Hound Dog was that he was writing something on a little pad of paper that he had in his paws and checking some other papers that he had at the table to his side, a sheaf of what looked like names of things, but Izuku couldn't see more from where he was.
"Sounds like an induced state of panic to me. Are you normally prone to panic, or was this the first time something like this has happened to you?" Hound Dog asked, in such a genuine tone that Izuku thought he had to be unaware of his breakdown in battle training. Aizawa hadn't talked to anyone about it, then.
"I've …" Izuku trailed off. What would happen if he told the truth? Would he not be allowed back in class if he said that he couldn't even talk about that day without wanting to throw his guts up? Would they kick him out of the hero course if he said that he couldn't deal with fighting villains? That was crazy, right? It had to be. But lots of crazy things had happened, just looking at the first week of school. Would it really be the craziest thing that happened? No, it wouldn't, not at all. Izuku didn't know how to make a decision on this in the short amount of time he had, so he opted to omit his panic attacks and his strange hallucinations when being ragdolled by Nomu. "... never experienced anything like that. It was so weird and all-consuming. It felt like I wasn't myself, and I never would be again."
"A common manifestation of that sort of panic is dissociation, where you feel disconnected from yourself, like a ghost. Have you been feeling any panic or anxiety since then? Do you believe that this effect, if it is a Quirk, may have persisted?" Hound Dog asked, looking at him with scrutinous eyes.
"I don't think so. I mean, I was nervous to get a prosthetic this morning, but that's behind me," Izuku said, waving his damaged hand in front of him once again.
"I see that. Has anything else made you nervous, more so than usual, or at all?" Hound Dog asked again. Izuku didn't know what he was getting at, but answered as truthfully as he could without risking anything due to his lack of information.
"No. I just felt weird about getting this new finger, but …" Izuku wondered if it was the right call to talk about Uraraka, but decided against it. There wasn't even anything to talk about if he was right about that text, which he feared he was. "That's it."
"Okay. Please continue with your recollection of events," Hound Dog said. He was writing on his little notepad almost furiously, the scratching being the only sound in the room for a few moments as Izuku took a moment to collect his thoughts. He really wished that his mother could be in the room right now, because he could use the presence beside him, but she was waiting outside while the 'confidential debriefing' was underway.
"Uraraka snapped me out of it and we all tried running back out the doors. But the mist man appeared and separated us all up in different areas. Uraraka and I landed in—" Izuku said, but was cut off by Hound Dog.
"Hold on, sorry. Everything I've been told indicates that Thirteen engaged the villain in combat for a time, and that you helped. Would you mind telling me about that?" Hound Dog asked, his eyebrows drawing closer in what could only be described as confusion, as his canine features made reading proper emotion from his expressions somewhat difficult.
"Oh, right, sorry. I almost forgot about that part!" Izuku said, puffing out a laugh to distract himself from the pit that formed in his stomach remembering the agony that he'd endured because of his 'help'. "Yeah, I saw that Thirteen was about to be hit by their own attack and jumped in to help. I pushed them out of the way and took the brunt of it myself, which was stupid thinking about it now," he continued. He'd put himself in the way of Thirteen's Quirk when they'd said that was something they never wanted to happen. It would be like someone took his hand and killed themself using his Quirk. That thought caused a shiver to finally make its way through his body, which Hound Dog noticed by the clear raising of his eyebrows and his questioning look directed at Izuku, who floundered for an explanation.
"I mean, it's not like I actually helped, right? I just got in the way and made it harder for Thirteen to focus," Izuku said, forcing himself to laugh some more.
"That's not true. I've spoken to Thirteen, and they say that it's very possible they're alive because of your interference. They're just sorry that you had to get hurt for that end, and I have to agree. What compelled you to leap in front of that attack?" Hound Dog explained.
"Uh, I don't know. I just … I just felt this need to move, I guess. Like this urge to do something. I can't really explain it. I just felt like I had to do something," Izuku said, trying his best to recall his thoughts from that moment.
"I won't lie to you, it was brave to do that. However, it was also very reckless. Do you know what Thirteen's Quirk can do?" Hound Dog asked in a grave tone that went entirely over Izuku's head as he got excited about their Quirk.
"Yeah, they can disintegrate whole buildings with ease and—"
"So what could it have done to you?"
Izuku stopped talking abruptly as he was interrupted. Hound Dog was looking at him with a serious air about him; it wasn't a glare, but it held a weight that, along with his words, stopped Izuku in his explanation. He looked at Hound Dog with questioning eyes, hoping that he would elaborate on his point. What could it have done? The majority of what it did was surface damage, mostly on the surface and nothing that couldn't be fixed. It had all turned out alright. What was the issue?
"Can you tell me what you were thinking when you leapt in to defend Thirteen?" Hound Dog asked, the same serious tone lacing his voice.
"I have to save them. Why?" Izuku asked in return.
"Not 'this is dangerous'? Not 'this will hurt'? Not 'I'm just a student'. Just 'I have to save them'?" Hound Dog asked again.
"No, why?"
Hound Dog sighed, seemingly realising something by the way his shoulders slumped in his eyes glimmered with a deep pity and sorrow. Izuku felt a small flutter in his stomach at the thought that pity was being directed at him, but pushed that down. It would do nobody any good to get angry or upset right now, so he held it in and just waited for the hero to explain. When Hound Dog finally did start speaking, he never dropped that serious manner of speaking, making Izuku think that they'd shifted to a more mature topic altogether now. He wondered if this was really a 'standard procedure', but kept quiet while the hero spoke.
"I'm going to ask you something now, and I need you to answer me honestly, Midoriya. Can you do that?" Hound Dog asked.
"Yes," Izuku said, his chest almost hurting at the blatant lie.
"Did you, at any point, make any decision that kept you safe and out of harm's way?"
Izuku paused for a moment, because his gut told him to say 'of course not', but he didn't think that was the answer that Hound Dog was looking for. Yet, he couldn't say that he had. No, every choice that Izuku had made that day was made to help or save someone else. He'd put himself in the way of danger so many times that day, and it was always for other people. He never defended himself, never ran when he didn't think he could do something, never gave up. He'd thought that was noble, the hero's way of doing things, but was Hound Dog trying to tell him that it was bad to do that? Was a hero telling him that he shouldn't be heroic? All Might had congratulated and thanked him for his service, called him his hero, but was Hound Dog trying to contradict that and go against All Might's ideology? Was it that All Might was wrong? Why would All Might be wrong, when he's the Symbol of Peace? Sure, Izuku had hardly liked the guy for the last year or so, but he still respected the hero that he was and the amount of good he did for the world. Was that wrong? Was Izuku wrong to do what he did at the USJ? He looked at Hound Dog with a look he couldn't put a name to, silently asking him to continue.
"What drove you to do the things you did after you were warped away from the entrance?" Hound Dog asked.
"Well, Uraraka and I were alone against villains, so I did my best to beat them. I didn't want my actions to be responsible for her being hurt or killed. What else was I supposed to do?" Izuku asked. He noticed his voice getting louder, which he reigned back as soon as he registered it. He was getting mad, which wasn't productive, but he was questioning why he didn't just let them be killed.
"I get that. I wouldn't be a hero if I didn't get that. What about in the plaza?" Hound Dog said.
"In the plaza? I had to get up there, to avoid Kaminari's attack on the villains he was facing. If I hadn't done that, Uraraka and I would've been fried," Izuku explained.
"That's not what I mean. I mean to ask about how you pushed Uraraka out of the way of that Nomu's attack and withstood it in her place. From her own testimony, you had the time to think and formulate a solid plan, but you didn't do what anybody else would. You put yourself there on purpose and allowed yourself to be attacked. Why?" Hound Dog asked.
Izuku gaped at the question. Why? Why not? Why wouldn't he do his best to be a hero? Wasn't that the whole reason he was there? That made no sense to Izuku, like a question with no answer, or an answer without a question. Could UA be trying to make him question being a hero after seeing the full extent of his Quirk? That had to be it. They didn't trust him after seeing what he could do to a person. Izuku understood it now, the questions, the demand for a motive. They were screening him to determine if he could turn villain. Well, he wasn't going to allow that. Izuku wanted to be a hero, and so he was going to be a hero. End of story. He leaned forward and looked Hound Dog in the eye, seeing the hero still looking at him with that pity.
"Because I needed to blow that Nomu away. I needed to kill it, because I like killing people," Izuku said, and Hound Dog reeled back and stared at him with widened eyes. He raised his voice and continued. "Is that what you want me to say? That I like hurting people? What exactly are you hoping to achieve here?"
"Midoriya, I'm sorry if I've made you feel like I'm against you. Really, I'm just trying to understand why you did the things you did at the USJ. Whatever answer you give me, I'll trust. If that is your answer, we can work through that, I promise, but you have to be honest with me, please!" Hound Dog said, the notepad in his hands shaking with the force of his trembling fingers.
Izuku suddenly realised that he was standing up. When did that happen? It didn't matter, because this realisation snapped him out of his anger and made his legs give way to his body, forcing him back into his seat. What the hell was that? Izuku didn't know when he'd gotten upset, it had just snuck up on him and then exploded. He looked over at Hound Dog, who was sitting there and looking at Izuku with an intelligence in his eyes that Izuku hadn't seen before. He shouldn't have insulted the man like that. That was an accusation Izuku didn't have any right to make. What had come over him? Izuku looked at his own hands, clamped down on the arms of the chair, and noticed the seam where his fake finger met his mangled hand.
"Nothing is definitive yet, but I don't think you'll be returning to class tomorrow," Hound Dog said, earning him a look of panic from Izuku. "You're not being expelled. It's not even a punishment. I simply think that you and I have some things to discuss before you go back to your regular schedule, including your outburst just now. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
"Yeah. I'm so sorry for yelling like that. That's not me, usually, and I just don't know what I was thinking," Izuku rambled, clutching the arm of the chair tighter than ever.
"It's perfectly okay to get upset, but the mismanagement of emotions can lead to some negative consequences, both for you and those around you, and so I believe we're going to have a talk about some things that have occurred during the school year so far. Let's meet at noon tomorrow, is that okay?" Hound Dog said, writing on his little notepad.
"Yeah, sure," Izuku said, in a haze of confusion and regret.
Hound Dog stood, then, and held out his hand in a gesture for Izuku to do the same, which he did. The larger man then made his way around the table and went to shake Izuku's hand, causing him to yank both of his hands away from the man and step back, holding his hands close to his chest in a frenzied panic. Hound Dog looked at Izuku with a glimmer of worry in his eye, but Izuku just put on a smile and laughed it off like it was just one of his regular eccentricities. Izuku then began shuffling toward the door while rattling off a dozen thanks to Hound Dog, who looked at him like he was talking nonsense.
"Thanks for the talk, Hound Dog. I'll see you tomorrow. Bye!" Izuku said before closing the door with just his pointer finger, which was difficult.
Izuku turned around to face the hallway and found that Inko had stood and made her way over. He smiled at her, getting him a smile in return, but he felt tired after that meeting, like he'd been drained of all his strength. He let his smile fall and began walking down the hallway, his hands shaking at his side. That had been too close, but he still hadn't figured out how to function with his Quirk's new limits. He'd have to figure them out in time, but the time wasn't right then and there, as he needed to sleep some more before he'd get anything done. He decided to check his phone as he walked, and remembered that he still hadn't responded to Uraraka's text from that morning.
Yeah, he could hold out for a little longer in that case.
