Izuku needed to do something with his hands. He hadn't truly tested his new limits yet, and so he was just avoiding touching anything. As it turned out, the old 'glove' method didn't work anymore, as now, from what he could tell, Izuku only needed the majority of his fingers to be touching something for his Quirk to take effect, and he'd wrecked his gloves when he'd tried to put them on that morning. That meant that the new rule was three fingers, or at least on his left hand. He had no clue how missing a finger on his right hand changed his Quirk. Was the majority rule consistent with how many fingers he had, or was it a flat necessity of at least three fingers? Did 'majority' mean two fingers on his right hand, considering that it was exactly half now? He didn't want to test it in a public place, and figured that he should wait until he's back at school to test his Quirk's new parameters, since it posed the least risk to the environment and people around him if he did so in a controlled, permitted capacity.
Pushing those thoughts out of his head, Izuku stepped off the train. It was different than the one he'd normally be catching, since he'd texted Uraraka and answered her request to meet up with an agreement, and she'd responded with excitement and a location before he'd had time to panic and delete his message. So, now he was on his way to a park near where Uraraka said she lived. Izuku felt intensely uncomfortable on this train, as he'd not been on it before and he was putting all of his effort on not touching a single thing. There weren't many people on the train with him, thankfully, but it was still nerve wracking being all the way back at square one and afraid to touch anything like a child learning about their Quirk for the first time. He'd deal with it, though.
Izuku got off the train at the stop that his map told him was right, and stepped onto the platform to be hit with a gust of spring wind. It was refreshing, but still a little chilly, as they were only about a week or so removed from winter. The colder air made the skin where his prosthetic connected throb and Izuku had to bite down on a hiss of pain. That was something he was going to have to get used to. It was strange to think that he was technically an amputee now, and wondered if he could talk to heroes with prosthetic limbs for help on how to manage them in a fight, as the finger was bound to be destroyed countless times during battle. Izuku knew that Ectoplasm had prosthetic legs, but wondered if it was insensitive or rude to ask about it when they weren't really close, even as teacher and student. Izuku liked Ectoplasm, sure, he was a great mathematics teacher, and a wonderful hero, but Izuku didn't know him personally, and it gave him pause.
Walking down onto the street, Izuku spotted Uraraka. She was standing across the street, looking down at her phone and seeming worried, judging by the way her eyebrows were drawn together and she was all but hunched over her phone, looking at it with a morose air about her. Izuku's eye was then drawn by what she was wearing. It wasn't a complicated outfit, some shorts and a t-shirt, but Izuku couldn't help but notice that the shorts left a large part of Uraraka's legs exposed, and he subsequently told himself to look at her face and nothing but her face today. That turned out to be a bad idea, as Uraraka's pouty face was undeniably cute, which made Izuku's heart start beating harder than it had any right to. Izuku, stood there across the street outside of Uraraka's notice, wondered if he was becoming like MIneta with such thoughts about a friend, and a shiver down his spine at that thought forced him to move, crossing the street and waving to get her attention.
Uraraka was in front of him in what felt like an instant. Izuku stepped foot on the sidewalk next to her, and she walked up to him with a shining smile on her face, her eyes lighting up as they spotted him. Izuku put on a smile at that; it was good to know that she didn't hate him after he'd taken advantage of her Quirk during the USJ Incident. Or maybe she was just being polite and she was about to bring the hammer down on him. That wiped the smile off his face real quick.
"Hi! How are you?" Uraraka asked.
"I'm, uh, fine. How are you doing? How have you been since the whole … USJ thing?" Izuku asked in return.
"Me? I'm completely okay, thanks to all you did. I'm more concerned about the one guy in our class who was actually hurt!" Uraraka said, laughing slightly to cover a pained look in her eyes, one that Izuku caught.
"Yeah, I'm good. I mean, I got a new finger this morning, but it's all fine now," Izuku said, sighing. Uraraka wasn't saying something, he could tell from the way she was looking at him.
"Oh, can I … can I see?" she asked, hesitating as she seemed to realise an implication, probably the same thing that Izuku had considered with Ectoplasm.
"Yeah, of course," Izuku replied, holding his mangled hand up.
Uraraka gasped lightly, and looked at his hand with a rapt attention and fascination that showed on her face. She gazed upon his ruined hand with a look that made Izuku want to rip his hand away and never show it to anyone again, yet he wanted her to give him that look all the time. It made his stomach squirm and his chest tighten, as it almost looked like Uraraka was studying it and it barely deserved so much of her attention. She suddenly changed, the smile leaving her face as she looked back up at Izuku's face with a more quizzical, searching expression. Izuku retracted his hand and gave a questioning look back.
"What was it that you wanted to talk about?" Izuku asked.
"I think we should find somewhere to sit," Uraraka said, a gloomy tone in her voice.
Izuku nodded, and watched as Uraraka began to walk down the street. He followed her to a park, as she'd described in her texts, and the two of them found a bench to sit after a minute or so of walking. Uraraka and Izuku sat side by side, looking out to the walking path in front of them. Izuku didn't know what to say to restart the conversation, just focused on keeping his hands in his lap and his fingers together and raised to prevent any accidents. He looked down at his hands, specifically his right. THe rough, jagged scarring stuck out like a sore thumb, much more than even he had thought in Recovery Girl's office. It was ugly, and he wanted nothing more than to hide it away from the world. But, at the same time, Uraraka clearly hadn't thought it was so horrendous. She'd looked at it with a kind of reverence, so was it really so bad? Izuku realised that he was in his own head, and snapped out of his thoughts when Uraraka spoke.
"Are you really okay?" she asked, in a small voice. She wasn't looking at him, instead keeping her eyes levelled at the gravel path ahead of them, as Izuku learned when he turned his head to meet her gaze and she didn't do the same.
"Are you?" Izuku asked back, trying to get any kind of read on Uraraka's thoughts from half of a face.
"It's just … all the stuff at the USJ was … scary. Really scary. And I'm so glad that you were there to help me, save me. You were just … so amazing that day. Everything you did was so brave, and strong, and I can't help but admire you for it," she launched into a rambling admission. Izuku felt his chest tighten at her words, silently wondering if she really felt that way. "But it bugs me at the same time. You did so much for me, and I really am grateful, but … what did I do for you? What did I do to save anyone?"
"What? Uraraka, that's crazy. You were awesome in the Conflagration Zone. You didn't do anything wrong. I was … you were …" Izuku said, trailing off. He couldn't say what he wanted to, because that would be admitting something he wasn't ready for.
"I didn't do anything wrong? I didn't do anything at all! All I did that day was be saved, mostly by you, and I just sat by and did nothing of value while you literally risked life and limb just to help me. I should have tried harder, done more, been braver, like you, but I wasn't. You were braver than me, you were a better fighter than me, you were smarter than me, and you're … you did everything that I wish I could do, and you did it without thinking. It's been stuck in my head since that day, and I can't stop thinking about it. I just wish that I could be like you," Uraraka went on and on.
Izuku looked at her, really looked at her, and noticed that she was tense all over. It looked like every part of her body was shaking, and Izuku finally thought that he got it. She was angry, disappointed, and scared. Uraraka had come into contact with the real world, and had realised just how she reacted when faced with the worst the world had to offer. Izuku had been through that, it wasn't pretty, and he wanted to know how he could help her through this, but he had no clue. He wanted so badly to comfort her, do the same thing she'd done for him every step of the way so far, but he was frozen, rooted to his seat and stuck in place as his existence seemed to stop for a moment. What could he do? What could he say to help Uraraka feel better? Izuku thought back to his conversation with Hound Dog, back to what he had said about Izuku's actions and how he'd tried to get Izuku to consider his actions from a different point of view. He really had to apologise to Hound Dog when next they spoke, but this would be good enough in the interim.
"I'm not as heroic as you think," Izuku said, making Uraraka turn her head and look at him for the first time since they sat down, giving him a confused look. "I'm not joking. I think that, considering everything I've been asked to consider, the things I did at the USJ were pretty selfish, honestly."
"What do you mean?" Uraraka asked in an adorably puzzled tone.
"I didn't do those things because I wanted to help. I think that … in my heart, I wanted to fight. I wanted to beat those villains into the ground more than I wanted to save people. I needed to win more than I wanted to save. My selfish need to prove whatever I thought I needed to prove overshadowed all of my good intentions that day. I think I've buried a lot of things deep down, and they're not good things, Uraraka, so I don't think you want to be like me. I think you're already a thousand times better than I could ever be, and you don't have to do any crazy, dangerous stuff for me to think you're amazing," Izuku explained. He felt his heart beating like a stream of gunfire in his ribcage, and he felt like he would throw up, but he managed to get everything out without tripping over his words or saying the wrong thing.
Uraraka didn't speak, looking at Izuku with a certain expression on her face that he couldn't decipher. He decided that it was an invitation to keep talking.
"I really admire your kind heart, Uraraka. You're so nice, and honest, and helpful. You make a room brighter just by being there. I struggle with talking to people, I'm kind of abrasive sometimes, and I'm afraid that some of our classmates don't like me very much. You could strike up a conversation with anyone, which is a power I am sorely lacking and wish I could emulate. I honestly wonder why you even spend time with me when you could have so many other friends. Compared to all the other great people in our class, I don't think I'm worth all that much as a friend," Izuku continued.
"Not worth—what are you talking about? You're probably the coolest guy I know! Uraraka said, spinning around on the bench to fully face Izuku. "You got an infinity on Aizawa's tests!"
"You got an infinity as well."
"You stood up to Bakugo even though he terrified you!" she continued, smiling at him in the way that made his face heat up.
"Well, I could only do that because of you, so …" Izuku said, trailing off as he realised just where this conversation was going.
"You could only … what do you mean?" Uraraka asked, her rhythm interrupted as she paused to figure out what he was talking about.
Izuku took a deep breath and prepared to be honest with Uraraka, completely and without half-truths, for what must have been the first time.
"That day, the day of the battle trial, was one of the worst I'd had in a long time. I was panicking hard, I was barely able to think, but you pulled me out of it and let me pull my courage together. We would've lost even more than we did if you hadn't been there to pull me out of my own head. Maybe Bakugo really would've gotten his way during our fight and he would've … yeah. So, I really have you to thank for how well I've managed to survive at UA so far, even though I haven't said it yet. So, thank you, Uraraka," Izuku rambled.
"But what did I do? How am I worth what you lost to save me?" Uraraka asked, and Izuku knew what she was talking about.
"You were there for me. You put your faith in me, and backed me up when I didn't have any friends or allies. You have been there for every one of my shining moments so far, cheering me on. I mean, how can I lose when you're there, smiling at me like it's a given that I'll succeed?" Izuku said.
Uraraka was silent. She looked at Izuku with an intensity in her eyes that Izuku felt his heart skip a beat at. She was frowning, but Izuku was sure that she wasn't sad. It was a frown that Izuku was familiar with, a frown that told of confusion and worry. He'd seen his mother wear it many times, and he couldn't help but promise himself that he'd try his best to keep it off Uraraka's face in the future. Now, though, Izuku thought it was the time for all of this to be sorted out. He sighed, and figured that they were already talking, and that he may as well say what he'd been wanting to say for a while now.
"Don't worry about what I lost at the USJ. I'd give all my fingers if it meant we could both keep going. You're worth that, every time. I did what I did because I have something that I need to say, something that I wouldn't be able to if something were to happen. When I saved you from that monster, the only thing I could think about was you. Not whatever would happen to me, but you, and how much I've come to care about you. I really like you, Uraraka, and I think you're a great friend, and an even better future hero," Izuku continued. Uraraka gave him a small smile, but her eyes kept that same puzzled expression.
"Hey, I feel the same way," she said, laughing from what seemed like nervousness.
"It's different for me, though. I know we haven't known each other very long—" Izuku said, looking away and down at the path ahead as he gathered his courage.
"Midoriya?" Uraraka asked, her voice sounding uncertain and questioning.
"—but I've never really had a real friend before, and you're so nice—"
"Midoriya." She was stronger this time, clearly trying to get him to stop, but he had to say this now or he never would.
"—and kind—"
"Midoriya, can you please listen to me?"
"—and pretty—"
"Huh?!"
"—that I just can't help but want more than just a friendship with you. You're so amazing, and what am I? Some weirdo who has a crush on a person he's known for a month."
"A crush, what are you saying?" Uraraka all but wheezed.
Izuku looked over at her after spilling his guts, and saw that Uraraka was seemingly struggling to control her breathing. She was red in the face, so much so that she almost looked like a tomato. She was giving Izuku a look that was so filled with anxiety and hesitation that Izuku felt the urge to start panicking as well. He'd already been tempted to just shut his mouth and stop talking at every point in this conversation, but he couldn't back down now. He had to follow through with this.
"I'm saying that I like you. Like, like-like you. And that I know you most likely don't like me like that — I don't even know if you have a boyfriend already — and I accept it. I just had to say that because it was kind of killing me to just silently go crazy over every little thing. So, yeah," Izuku said, slowly getting meeker and meeker until he was mumbling at the end of his confession. He felt like his face was on fire, his chest was hurting and his hands begged to do something, even though they couldn't right now. He knew this would be hard, but not this hard.
"I don't," Uraraka squeaked, her whole body radiating a stress-induced tension.
Looking back over at her after his rushed confession, Izuku saw a brick wall before he saw Uraraka. Her whole body was stiff and it looked like she was holding her breath. She hadn't taken her eyes off him since he'd spoken about his motivations during the USJ Incident, and Izuku couldn't bring himself to take his own gaze away from the captivated look in her eyes. Her face was quickly becoming a brighter and brighter red, and Izuku went to ask her if she was okay, but she seemingly regained control of her lungs just before he would have. Instead, he was left to ask the only question he felt comfortable with in this awkward situation.
"Sorry, what'd you say?" he asked.
"I don't," Uraraka said, much more clearly.
"I know. I know you don't like me the same, but—"
"No, I mean I don't have a … b-boyfriend. And I don't … not like you—I mean I do—I mean …" she scrambled for an answer. "Gah, this is hard!"
Izuku couldn't help but laugh at the way her face scrunched up when she was frustrated. He felt every muscle in his body relax, and sighed in relief. He'd been so caught up in his head again that he'd been convinced that he'd be rejected. He felt like he'd gotten such a boost of energy, like he could do anything in the world as a wide grin broke out across his face, as he still didn't look away from Uraraka's eyes and held that contact. Izuku had let his confirmation bias dictate his actions, and had almost preemptively rejected himself instead of just letting things run their course. This was better than anything he could've imagined when he'd gotten that text message in the morning, but something was wrong. Uraraka didn't look nearly as pleased at this development. She was still holding eye contact, but she had a confused, saddened expression on her face.
"What's up?" Izuku asked, the smile slipping off his face once again.
"You don't—" she paused, as if she was chewing on something difficult. "You don't care that I'm … I'm fat."
Izuku had to take a second to think of a response to that. He didn't know that she was worried about that. Sure, Uraraka had a body type that some would call chubby, but she wasn't fat, although Izuku wondered if he was even able to make a judgement on that, considering that he'd always been on the thinner side. He didn't want to say anything that would make her even more self-conscious, but did want to find out what made her think this way. After a moment of looking into her eyes and finally placing that intense emotion as shame, Izuku spoke.
"Do you?" he asked.
"I mean, kind of. It's just … hard to change with the other girls and see how … how they look. I've never really thought about it until UA, but how many heroes do you see who are pudgy? How many women do you see on TV who look like me? I just can't help but think that there are so many girls just in our class who are more … y'know," Uraraka said. She started twiddling her thumbs, and finally looked away from Izuku.
Izuku gave that some thought. It was true that the industry did very much encourage women to fit into the body type that looked good in spandex. Heroes such as Midnight, Uwabami and even Mirko, to an extent, have had an effect on women in the industry. A hero once said in her retirement interview that the televised and marketed nature of heroics nowadays pushed her to stay thin, rather than keep a weight that more benefited her more up-close and personal style of wrestling. When she retired, that hero was free to stop the gruelling diet that she'd picked up to stay 'ideal' for the cameras, and it was the time she'd felt happiest with herself since middle school. Was Uraraka going through a similar thing with the other girls in class? Izuku wasn't an idiot, he'd noticed that there were a fair few girls in their class that were what most people would call 'ideal'. Ashido was lithe and athletic, Yaoyorozu was tall and Izuku would admit that she was shapely, but that wasn't all these girls were. Mineta may have thought so, but Izuku had made it clear what he thought of him. Izuku, in that moment, realised all that the hero gig meant for the mental health of all involved, just because of the stresses it put on its subjects to be charming, powerful and attractive. Coming to this realisation, Izuku knew it was unfair, but that it was one of the necessary evils that heroes had to deal with as modern celebrities.
"I'm so sorry, I didn't know. That has to be tough. I remember you being kind of uncomfortable with your costume during our first battle trial—I'm sorry I didn't see it," Izuku said, sighing.
"No, you're fine, I just had to adjust. It's, y'know, a little tight. It doesn't exactly leave a lot to the imagination," Uraraka said. She forced a laugh, and Izuku knew it was fake immediately.
"You don't have to say you're okay if you're not. Do you remember when I cried in the hallway, and you were there with me?" Izuku asked. Uraraka looked back at him in surprise and slowly nodded. "I hope it can go both ways. If you have a problem, I want to be able to help you with it, just like you've helped me. So?" he asked.
"I really am fine. It's just kind of a bummer when I see these girls who look exactly like what the news is looking for, with their flashy costumes that all compliment their bodies, and then I'm the flabby girl in a skinsuit. It's kinda demoralising, y'know, and I don't know how to talk about it! I can't bring it up to our heroics teacher, 'cause that's All Might, but who else am I supposed to talk to about it? Frustrating is a word for it," Uraraka said. Her tone was more annoyance than sadness, but there was still a look in her eyes, like there was something she was still worried about. "Sorry for dumping this on you out of nowhere," she continued.
"Don't be. It's only fair, right? I've dumped plenty on you. I want to hear about these things, because that's what makes you, you. And I do like you, all of you. I never saw any of what you're seeing, I just saw this amazing person who I admire. And besides, if we're talking about costumes we've gotta talk about mine, it's just a hoodie! I even started wearing it hood-up because you said it made me look cooler! That's silly!" Izuku said.
Uraraka looked at Izuku with raised eyebrows and laughed, just a small giggle escaping her at his confession. When she stopped laughing, she looked at Izuku more closely, seemingly trying to get something out of his eyes with the way her gaze bore into his own. He looked back just as seriously, trying his best to let her know he was telling the truth. After a moment, she seemed satisfied, and let her shoulders relax as she leaned back into the bench and looked out at the park they'd been sitting in for about ten minutes now. Izuku looked out at it, too, enjoying the sunshine of a nice, if a little cold, day. After a while of quietly watching the day pass together, Izuku thought he should say something, but didn't know what.
"I think you look good in y-your costume, by the way. Or just in normal clothes—or anything, really—it's not exclusive to any outfit, it's just an every day, a-all the time thing. I'm not very good at this."
Uraraka tried to muffle a small giggle again, but she didn't manage it. She let herself laugh at Izuku's misfortune, as he tried to bury his burning face in his hands, which finally had something to do. He sighed, but did feel a smile creep onto his face after all was said and done. That was, until Uraraka decided to speak up next.
"So, does this mean we're dating? I like you, you like me, but how does it work now? I don't think we're friends, y'know?" she said, punctuating her question with another laugh that made Izuku's cheeks warm up again.
"I don't know, I didn't think we'd get this far. I was fully prepared to be rejected. Do you wanna just … see what happens?" Izuku replied, shrugging his shoulders as he spoke.
"Yeah, let's do that," Uraraka said, smiling at Izuku warmly.
Izuku looked out at the park again, feeling Uraraka lean over so that their shoulders touched ever so slightly. He'd gotten a new finger, gotten some of his anger issues uncovered, and gotten a possible girlfriend. Not bad for a day's work.
