Well, I will let you get to the chapter soon but first there is something I'd like to say to you. As some of you may know the year of 2015 have been really tough for me. When everything just kept on going on and every time some problem was out of the world something new turned up shoving me right to the ground all over again.

But as I take it you know, 2015 is almost over. And even though there are things left most of what was so bad have let go. Still leaving their interference of course, but I am getting back to my old safe, with all of the laughing my a*s off (Seriously, the pastor thought I'd gone mad!) and loads of silly ('cough' stupid 'cough') jokes. And also gives me a chance to look back and see what it actually was that happened and then realize something.

I have realized that during some of these times. And some of the moments when it felt like nothing would ever get better. Fanfiction was just one of those things that could always make it feel a little bit better. And even when it couldn't do just that it could keep my mind of things even when they were at their very worst.

So to you, yes. Just you who's reading this. Thank you. I could never thank you enough and I would never have gotten through things without you. So thank you.

-Linnéa

And now when that part is over and done- enjoy!

The day before Valentine's Day, there was supposed to be a glee rehearsal in the afternoon. I wouldn't come to it though since at ten A.M. I would be getting a ride by dad to the train station and then go off there to Benton's harbor and then his dad would drive me to Jack's school. I actually wasn't supposed to have come until tomorrow so we had fixed so I could go straight to his school and surprise him.

The train ride just seemed endless. I hadn't seen Jack since New Year's. Then he had seemed all weird and for some reason we hadn't video chatted as much as we usually did since just like on New Year. Jack was seeming so weird and seemed to end our calls as fast as possible. Finding one reason after the other.

"Hello." I jumped into Jack's dad's car when I spotted him in the parking lot. And after putting on the belt while he was starting the car. "Go. Go, go, go." Mr. McCall let just hear a short laugh before he drove the short way to the high school. That seemed endless before I could jump out of the car again. "Bye."

I jogged into the school and up the hallway. I had been here before so even if I didn't know which room Jack would be in I could at least find my way to the right part. But I froze when I could see Jack, and standing with his back against me I first couldn't see the other person.

I decided to walk up behind him and surprise him. But as I got closer I could see the girl standing very close to him. And I first froze and then walked closer keeping as quiet as I possibly could. It wouldn't have to be like it looked. She could be just a friend… could she?

"Do you really love me?"

"Of course I love you. You're my only one."

My heart was beating so hard I could barely hear their words over the sound of the blood streaming in my ears. But there still wasn't a doubt of what was happening. Especially not after Jack had leaned down slightly and kissed that girl, right on the lips and it damned down on me that however I twisted and turned everything, this wouldn't be just a friend.

"Jack?"

His name felt like a razor in my throat. And the sight almost burned in my eyes as well when Jack broke loose from that blonde b*tch and stared at me for what felt like forever. It seemed to take Jack a few moments to come to understanding what was even gone and find the right words. But I didn't want to hear any lousy excuses.

"I-I-I c- can exp- plain"

Jack tried to take a step closer to me but before he came as much as half a step he was close enough so I could lift my hand and slap him right across the face. The sound of my palm hitting his cheek seemed to almost echo through the almost empty hallway and it burned in my ears.

"Leah…"

"Who is she?" The blonde girl looked to Jack with a confused look and then looked to me. "Who are you?"

"His girlfriend." I fizzled. "Or ex- girlfriend as of now." I was starting to turn around to turn around. But not too fast to not catch a glimpse in the corner of my eye of the blonde one slapping him too. And even if I didn't see it all too clear I would have heard the sound of her palm hitting his face echoing again. Just as mine had a few seconds ago.

Even though those few seconds felt like a thousand years. And the way that I stormed through the hallway towards the school entrance seemed endless before I pushed it open to get out into the fresh air.

My friend Hannah lived not very far away from here and I hurried towards her house. Before I remembered from speaking to her only a few days ago that she was in Thailand with her family. And I froze, not knowing what to do for a few seconds before I pulled up my phone and called.

"Carmichael"

"Daddy?"

"Leah? Are you with Jack? How did it.."

"He cheated on me dad." I interrupted him, my voice sounding shaky and broken. "I found him with this real pretty blonde. She must have been the reason he seemed so weird when he came to ours for New Year's and I… I never want to see him again and I want you to be here daddy."

The line went silent, the buzzing of the phone being the only thing heard until dad replied. I took a deep, shaky breath. Hoping that I could get him to do what I wanted. And even if he couldn't see it I stomped my sneaker towards the asphalt slightly.

"Oh please daddy, please. I don't wanna be alone here…." I quickly went from only whining to my sweetest, puppy expression that could usually wrap dad around my little finger. "Pretty… pretty… please daddy."

"I'm coming." I heard him say. "I just need to go through work for a minute first. I won't be there until tonight… can you take in on some hotel and wait there?" I nodded towards the phone forgetting that he couldn't see me. "Leah?"

"Yes… I will do that daddy."

"And Leah?"

"Yes?"

"Nothing fancy."

I sniveled a bit angrily. Dad knew I wouldn't take in on anything else then some cheap place where we got our own room. And this certainly wasn't the time for joking. None of us said anything at first and it grew into quite an awkward silence.

"You're right." Dad said before I had had the time to say anything. "That wasn't funny and this wasn't the right time for joking. I'll drive off now and be there as soon as I can. Just text me the name of the hotel and the number of the room and I'll be right there." I nodded towards the phone again, not thinking about that he couldn't see me. "And Leigh?"

"Yes daddy?"

"It's alright. I know it doesn't feel like it now but it will. Jesus have got you in this and God's got a plan. You know all that jazz. I love you. Bye."

I tried to give a slight smile when dad gave his pastor's babbling. Usually, if he said something like that when someone was happy or just randomly or anything I would just find it annoying. But when I was just sad and broken so to the point it felt like I was falling into pieces it felt good. Having the faith to believe in something bigger, which would carry me through the things I couldn't walk myself.

I looked around in confusion barely remembering where or who I was. Then I remembered and turned my steps towards the main street of town. And towards the only hotel I knew.

I was barely in the knowledge of what I was doing myself. And afterwards everything that happened that afternoon would turn into quite a blur with a few highlights. And even though I couldn't remember it. I must have had managed to take into a hotel, gotten down two stairs to the basement and into the room furthest down the hall. Where I left the door unlocked so dad would be able to get in, walked in and dropped my backpack on the floor right by the bed while I fell

I actually didn't quite know what to feel. I just felt numb and not knowing what else to do I sat up Indian style on the nearest bed, then put a notebook over my legs and started sketching without even thinking. Then stroking over what I had just wrote, changed it, and for every new line more and more tears were rolling down my cheek dripping down leaving dark stains by the color of the pen until I just laid down and put my head on the pillow.

Lying there just crying silently with the tears spurting I was still holding onto the notebook. I still barely even knew what I had written, and certainly not that looking back on it. Well- not that I'd be happier with that than I was with every other lousy piece I had written, but I would know all the feeling put into it…

Just one second
and nothing will ever become
like it was before

Just one second
and what was mine
won't be mine anymore

Just one second
and everything built up
starts to fall apart

Just one second
and there's nothing I could do
to heal my broken heart

Just one second
and before it
I was happy then

Just one second
and I don't know
when I will ever be happy again

Just one second
and everything has changed

I cried for what felt like ages, but when at last there were no more tears dad wasn't there and I felt lonelier than ever. But still, the wave of emotions had taken the energy it had and soon I had fallen asleep on that bed. On top of the covers, my hand now lying over the notebook. And stains of tears still left of my cheeks… it only took a second to drift away.

Just one second

The poem is called just one second. It's written by me and the same goes with the other poems and lyrics I have shared on here. One- don't share without my permission and two- if I say I don't want you to share it please respect so.

Leah and the Carmichael's are protestant Christians. Therefore their beliefs are based on mine. If you don't like how I use the religion then you don't have to read it.

See you next time!

Random fact

Yes I do call that Pastor babble, and yes the way Leah feels about it is the way I feel. Yes, it's that part about wanting to believe in something, or someone to carry you through when it gets too hard and you can't walk on your own.