Hello guys. I just wanted to tell you that a bit ago I found out I got in at the school I've been applying to for three years- YAY. But I don't know of course how much time I'll have for writing or anything. Either way I'll still try and take time for writing and finish all of my stories sooner or later. And after finishing sr and being in the spring of the school year in this no way am I giving up.

I'm just wondering whether this story will end up having more chapters than secrets revealed at 93

"Hello Leah."

"I'm so sorry for your loss."

"Jonah was a great person."

"He will be dearly missed."

And hugging, all of that hugging.

Already before reaching my locker at the bottom of the hallway the first day back at school I must have been stopped a thousand times of someone who wanted to talk about Jonah or give me a hug.

"Geez." I said to Lex once we had a second away from the others. "With all of this hugging I don't know if I will be able to ever lift my arms again."

I moaned and was hit by what I had thought and said to Lex about how I just couldn't be ungrateful. And then felt terrible once again.

I pulled up my phone from my pocket and checked the screen. I had done so quite a lot of times since I had ran away from our house and went to the Hudmel's instead.

"You're wishing for your parents to send you a message?"

I wouldn't have admitted it if Lex hadn't read my mind.

"I guess I should start with sending them one if it would be so important." I put the phone back into my pocket. "But what happened I… I just can't explain… or even know myself what I'm feeling and how am I supposed to say I'm sorry when I'm really not. I just told them the truth."

I pulled the books I had for the days out from my locker and dropped them into the bag. The sight of them reminding me that I hadn't been here for all of last week I'd have quite a bit of homework to do.

As if the rest happening wasn't enough.

"It's not my fault the truth hurts."

I could always try and lie to myself that what I had done and said was okay.

I could always pretend that the actual thought running through my mind was that I was spoiled and rude and ungrateful and I didn't know how I was ever going to look any of my parents, grandparents or my cousin in the eyes ever again.

And my stomach was in knots at the second I wondered what Jonah would think of all of this if he saw us- when he saw us.

"I'm here…" We stopped by the door to the math- classroom. "I know you're on the other side of school but if you need anything then just call or come running and I'll come right away. Because no matter what Miss Frog might think friendship is more important than math. Okay? Don't hesitate…" The teacher shouted something from inside the room. "See you at lunch."

"See you."

And then it started again. And while I walked through the hallway and towards the English classroom I had at least five people coming up to me for speaking their condolences or giving me a hug.

All of what was going on had worn me out by the time it was time for glee club at the end of the day.

"Are you sure you can do this?" Lex asked me worriedly, on our way to the choir room. "Because you look quite tired. And if you can't we could just go straight home."

"I can do it." I opened the door and held it open for my friend. "Well… it looks like everyone were here before us."

It really did. Mr. Schue had taken his usual place on the floor in front of the others and Tyler sat in the chair right next to where Lex sat and laid back against him, I sat down right in front of them… I had never really thought about how people in here kind of had their own spots. The spot next to me seemed to scream out loud in its emptiness.

"As everybody knows we have lost… much of what was in Jonah." As everybody else did the first one Mr. Schue started talking about while he glanced towards the empty seat next to me. "Jonah was a great friend, a great brother and son, loving, caring and nevertheless talented. Despite everything life threw at him he always had something to throw back and defeat it. And I know you'll all miss him, in your own ways. Because I know I'll miss him, and carry him in my heart for the rest of my life."

I shoved my hands in my pockets not to show anyone in here how they were trembling. But I saw on the way Mr. Schue looked at me that he had seen anyway.

"I know I can't do what everyone wants me to do and bring him back. But… I just want to tell you all again. That if there's anything- anything at all I can do for you. Then the door to my office is always open. And if it's evening, holiday or any time beneath school hours then you all have my phone numbers and… You can call me at any time. Even if it's in the middle of the night I'll be right there if you need me."

Whenever Mr. Schuester took a shaky breath the snivels and clearing of throats around the room were ear crushingly loud. And maybe he heard what I heard because he only waited for a few seconds until he continued.

"And I have decided something. First now there'll be some practicing for regionals, then the spring holidays with Easter. And then some more practicing before regionals. And I'd like for our songs and everything we do in Regionals, and if we go through- maybe for nationals. In Jonah's honor. Doing his favorite songs or something you find suiting… And Leah. What do you think about that?"

What I thought about that…

"I think Jonah would have liked that."

I thought it was just too big for me to take in all at once at this moment.

"Well that's sorted then… Is there anyone here who knew some of Jonah's favorite songs. Or songs that would be suitable for regionals."

Well, yeah. I knew about a hundred of his favorite songs.

"Which one do you want to hear first?"

Mr. Schuester forced a short chuckle and then bit his lip and scratched through his curly hair as if he was wondering about something he had already decided about.

"Actually Leah. I know you're going to hate me for this but it was actually Jonah's wishes. And for that you will have to leave the room and not be able to see or hear anything of the rest of the rehearsal."

That sounded like some plan my brother would have had…

Without a word I reached down and took my bag and then threw it over one shoulder hurrying out of the room. Mr. Schue patted my shoulder passing by him and forced a comforting smile but I only turned my head away and after coming out into the hallway made my way as far from the choir room as I could possibly get.

I pulled up my English books out of my bag with a pencil case, but lying them in front of me on the table attached to the bench I could barely read what was in front of me. And I found myself forgetting the words I had read by the moment I came to the next few words.

I knew asking me to leave the choir room wasn't for any way of bullying or hurting me. But still there was a feeling that that was what Mr. Schuester was what I had done. And for some reason he had just wanted me out of the room and away from the others.

Well, my own family had turned against me so why wouldn't my friends too?

I slumped down on a wooden bench in the hallway.

For just a second I was wondering about what I should do or where I would go now.

Couldn't I just have shut my big, fat mouth to my grandmother like I had for all my life and gone with everything she wanted. Just like my cousin had been able to do.

Why on earth had I gotten myself into this? As if I wasn't in enough of a mess already!

Random fact

I have to say this part of the story isn't easy to write. It's emotional and sort of fun. But it can't all be about how heartbroken they all are and it has to move on towards regionals. I hope I'm writing it okay.