Thanks to umbrella0326 for reviewing.

I'm sorry for not updating. I'm having the worst writer's block ever and it's showing no sign of getting better. I also have had loads of trouble with how to write this story. I know what's going to happen but I just have trouble of how I'm going to put it into words. Still, all my stories has to be updated to be finished some time and here's the newest chapter… and I've been trying to start it for ages but here we go.

"What was it that Mr. Schue wanted to keep you behind for?"

While every glee club member had their rehearsal without me I had been sitting almost by the doors since I was pretty sure that whatever they were doing there was something I shouldn't hear. But nothing could keep me from asking Lex once everyone had started coming out of the choir room and down the hallway towards the door while I packed my Spanish books and stood up to go with Lex.

"It's a secret."

Lex smirked, but I could almost feel the way she had to force it and none of the others even look at me when they passed and we started trotting towards the Hudmel- house in silence.

"I know that car."

I didn't say anything at all until we turned into the right street and I saw my mum's car in their driveway. I said one short sentence and tried to put no feeling in the words. But felt my stomach turning and the time before we finally walked up the porch and into the house was way too fast.

"Hey."

When I and Lex came in mum was sitting my the kitchen table, Carole sat right on the other side of the table and Burt was standing up leaned against the counter. They had each coffee cup and seemed to have been quiet for quite a while.

"Hi mum."

"Let's go."

Mum hadn't even greeted me and I knew nothing about why she was here when she stood up and leaving her coffee cup on the table and stomped over the kitchen floor towards me.

"What?"

"Go and get all your things Leah. We're going home…"

I hadn't actually planned anything longer than the moment I was in. And I hadn't known whether I was going home today or in a year. But I did know that I wasn't going home right now. And especially so when I saw the anger rage in mum's eyes and heard Ariel whimper in fear from right next to her.

"What are you doing mum?"

"I said we're going home… No! No protests. I'll go put the dog in the car and you go and fetch all your things- now!"

"But…"

"I SAID NOW."

I heard Lex gasp behind me. Whatever an adult- a parent yelling like that reminded her of. Even my stomach turned in fear- I hadn't ever seen mum like she was now. And the last time she seemed anywhere near this she had slapped me.

"O.. o… okay." I stuttered. "I'll get everything."

I ignored the look on Burt and Carole's faces. After all the time mum had told me never to have a fight with her when someone else was there this is what she did. I could feel my breaths getting quicker and slower but didn't care about that or the tears that had risen in my eyes when I walked up the stairs, took the bag that laid half- full in a corner and packed everything that I had taken out just a couple of days ago.

"You know you can always come here Leah." Carole came up and hugged me tight, I forced away tears. "Or call- it doesn't matter if it's in the middle of the night or anything… If there's anything at all you need…"

"Thank you."

"See you at school Leigh."

I hugged Lex too quickly, it wasn't any heavy but, in the corner, if my eye I saw Burt taking the bag I had brought and carry it downstairs for me.

"If you forgot anything I'll bring it to school." Lex came with me downstairs and right behind us we heard her parents. "Take care."

I would have liked to say more, at least thank them but mum stood in the hallway and waited for me. So instead of saying thanks I just nodded at them, and hoped they would hear the words I couldn't say before I took my own bag and followed mum outside and to the car.

"Mum? What did you do that for?"

"What did I do what for? I'm taking you home. Where you belong and where you should be? Why would you do that? Why would you leave us- your family like that? First you go on, on your grandmother like you did and then you just leave to go to… them…"

"I just needed some time away."

I was mumbling, barely moving my lips at all. But I knew very well that mum could hear what I was saying.

"Your grandmother was a mess when she left. She didn't know where you were and she has already lost Jonah. We have all lost Jonah."

"You knew where I was… And you've met them. You liked them. Why couldn't I just stay there for a couple of days…"

"I don't know them at all."

"Yes you do. And they're my friends which means more than anything else."

"Haven't we always given you everything you wanted?"

"It's not about that."

"And then at the moment that we don't and you can't give anything back you run away. It doesn't where to. And until you can show me that we can trust you again you're not leaving the house for anything else then school or walking the dog. Is that understood?"

"Yeah."

"Answer me properly young Lady. I asked you if you understood so stop mumbling. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"

"Yes ma'am."

Mum didn't say anything else. I had never seen or heard her like she was right now. So made up that she wanted to control what I was doing. As if she didn't want to see how anyone could do something for me that she couldn't.

And it seemed she ran out of things to say. Because she didn't say anything more, neither during the rest of the way to the house nor anytime else until we were inside, I had put my things into my room and then came into the kitchen,

"There are some lunch boxes in the fridge if you're hungry. Just heat it up in the microwave. No food has been made here for what feels like a year."

That was everything mum said to me for that whole afternoon and evening…

The next morning when I woke up I just couldn't get myself to face reality. I just wanted to pull the quilt over my head and stay there for the rest of my life. Therefore I shut off the second alarm I always put on my phone, buried my head in my pillow and my hand in Ariel's fur and fell back asleep.

"Are you home?"

I didn't wake up again until about lunchtime when my dad was home to eat his lunch and came to my room to get Ariel and take a walk.

"Mhm."

I sat up drowsily and checked the clock. When I fell back asleep this morning I hadn't expected or planned to sleep all morning and miss both the first classes that I had.

"Are you feeling alright?"

"I'm fine."

"Okay… here. I'll take Ari for a quick walk. You get dressed and then I'll drive you to school."

But at this time there would be no point with going in before lunch time, I sighed, got out of bed and decided not to tell dad about that. What point was there to stay anyway? I quickly got into a pair of jeans and a sweater with Mickey Mouse on it, when I checked my phone I saw Lex had called nine times. She had probably been worried when I didn't show up and I always shut the phone off at night.

I shut the sound on the phone on again and pushed it down in my pocket. Then took my bag, took a quick portion of Weetabix and milk in the kitchen and passed the hallway just as dad came inside again.

"Here." He took an alone key that laid on the bench in the hallway. "It's for Jonah's locker. Do you know which number he had?" I nodded. "Would you clean it out? Take whatever papers and books that means something here and give the text books back to the teachers and so on?"

"I can do that."

I took the key, but without wasting another glance at my dad I patted Ariel quickly and went to the car. I would rather have walked to school but I still didn't feel like giving that any time.

"Your mother is going through the worst thing a human being ever could. So whatever she says or does- please forgive her and go on. Anything else will just make it worse…:" Dad pulled over by the school. I didn't feel like answering and didn't look back on dad. "I hope you have a good day for the rest…"

I still didn't look at dad when he shouted for me from his driver's seat, threw the car door closed after me and hurried into the school. Then walked straight through the group of lockers where Jonah had his, grabbed the nearest trash can, and pulled it so I could throw papers that wouldn't mean anything straight into the trash.

I knew that if mum was here she had been wanting me to save every little piece of whatever was in that locker. But mum wasn't here, and I couldn't see a reason to keep old math books and pieces of left of pens and erasers.

I jumped high when the bell rang and students started hurrying into the hallways and towards the cafeteria. And it felt as someone was watching me…

"Hey." No one was watching me or speaking to me before Lex came up, holding her Spanish books. "Where have you been?"

"I over slept." I mumbled- it wasn't a lie. "I just got here. And mum and dad wanted me to do this…

What I was doing wasn't exactly rocket science.

"I can see you're cleaning out Jonah's locker."

"Yeah."

Awkwardly Lex stated the fact and awkwardly I answered her. And that just at the same time as several books and papers actually came falling out, out from the locker and to the floor.

"Eurgh!"

I kneeled to pick everything up again, found two reading books from Math and physics class that was going back to the teacher and handed them to Lex.

"Maybe you can hold on to those until I can take them back to the teachers. Or do you have somewhere to go?"

"No, it's fine. Here." I picked out the history bag, riffled through it to make sure there wasn't anything in between the papers and then handed it to Lex. "There's no rush."

I picked out a math book, riffled through it quickly to see so nothing important was written on the pages. There wasn't, it was barely any math anyway.

"Jonah hated math."

I couldn't help but to feel a sad smile form on my lips. This last time it had been so easy to remember how ill Jonah had been and how his illness had almost literally ripped his heart into pieces before it ripped him away from us.

But he had still just been like any other parents. He hated math, but liked Spanish class. His favorite color was blue and his least favorite was brown. He disliked almost everything that was in grey and black- it was just way too boring.

He disliked the fact that his birthday was so close to Christmas.

"He hated history class until he started here and he had Mr. Schuester… Here take this." I took the history textbook and handed that one to Lex. Then sighed, took a bunch of math papers and threw them right into the trash can. It didn't feel right throwing away anything that reminded me of him but there was no point with keeping it. "We always knew how ill Jonah was and everything." I picked out an English textbook and handed it to Lex. "But he felt so good those last couple of weeks… He was happy and he didn't even need to sit down- like ever… It was like some sign that the end is getting near… but it did feel like it shouldn't be an end… Like that was the sign he was healthier than he had ever been…"

Everything left were some pictures on the inside of the cupboard door. A scrapbook piece of a dove and one with his name. And then a piece of a history- class paper that he had gotten an A on after going through heart care that had been through the years, then a poem I had written I couldn't even remember when.

I took the latter down first and put it in my bag. Then slowly took down the poem.

"Is that a poem you've written?"

"Yeah."

"It was kind of Jonah to just have it hanging there… Can I read it?"

I hesitated. Lex was my best friend but I just wasn't ready yet. And with it I shook my head, and hoping that Lex would understand I more or less hid it in my bag.

"One of the last things he ever said to me, one of the last things he said ever was for me to share what I write. I don't think how long he'd planned that for, months- maybe years…. He was just like that you know… Or he just thought that I could write something that was good when actually I can't."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that."

"Of the glee club after winning sectionals."

I couldn't believe that after going through that now Jonah wouldn't be here to compete for regionals.

And if we went to that, how were we supposed to go through to nationals without him. I knew I wouldn't be able to. Not without having my brother by my side.

It felt like it took me hours. But at last I picked the photo away from the inside of the locker door and put it as a bookmark so it wouldn't break with all the other things in my bag. I then felt on the highest shelf and took an extra look around the locker before I took a step back and locked it.

From this moment on this wouldn't be Jonah's locker…

In everything else that was going on there were those small things that made me want to break down once again- having gone through and emptied Jonah's old locker was once of those things. But I couldn't exactly break down in the middle of the school hallway.

"I can take those now."

All of what had just been in the locker had been moved, into the trash can or into my bag. Every little piece of homework that would never be handed in. Every single graded letter on the corner of the paper and maybe with a comment. Everything from A+ until F-

"Mr. Martinez?"

I decided not to go on and on about what I had been thinking about. And forced the thoughts about with all the reading books I had taken, lifting the Spanish one from the pile.

"Yes?" The Spanish teacher was just coming through the hallway and took a step back to meet me while I handed him the book that would go on until somebody in his next class. "Oh…"

Frozen for one minute he didn't take it. Spanish had been one of Jonah's favorite subjects and if one teacher must have liked Jonah it would be Mr. Martinez.

"I can take those and help you, you know."

Lex told me what was quite obvious. I would have to admit holding all subjects' reading books on one arm while I held out the other to the Spanish teacher was quite heavy.

"Don't worry about it…"

"Just know…" Mr. Martinez finally took his book. "…You're welcome to come and talk to me if you need anything."

"Yes." I couldn't help but sigh. "I think all of my teachers have told me that by now… Including Mrs. Frog… Frond. Mrs. Frond."

"Ha- ha-." Mr. Martinez faked a laugh. "Everyone at this school- teachers and student have heard about that nickname… and wasn't your brother the one who thought of it?" I forced a smile and nodded. "He will be dearly missed… I have to go now."

Mr. Martinez kept walking down the hallway and I and Lex continued in the other direction. At first going into Mrs. "Frog's" office and leaving the math book, then after about a thousand more books until we saved the history book for last and went into Mr. Schuester's office.

"I had forgotten all about this." He gave me a smile and left the book lying on his desk. "Jonah really was a… remarkable young man. He could have done much more than I or most others' if he had gotten the time to."

He did have the time to. He did.

"Ehrm… will you be coming to the glee rehearsal later…"

That hit me like a bomb.

"What glee rehearsal?"

As soon as Lex had mentioned it I felt my stomach twisting.

What did I have on this school, in this world now if it wasn't for the glee club?

Mr. Schue looked sternly towards his short student and she blushed as if she had revealed a secret she shouldn't have. She hadn't though. I was as confused as ever.

I just felt like a little kid who didn't get to play hide and seek or catch with the others.

"I… ehrm… I. Maybe I read the wrong text. That it was just me wishing for something and no… There's no glee club today. Is it Mr. Schue?"

I just saw the answers on both of their faces. And I had seen it on their faces when they sent me out of the choir room the other day too.

"I have to go anyway."

With a mumble not to let them hear the tears in my voice I hugged the rest of the text books to my chest and hurried out from Mr. Schue's office, slamming the door after me.

"Leah." I heard going towards Miss Frond's classroom as Lex came rushing after me. "Look. I know this doesn't make any sense to you. But I just wanted… Leah, can you stop and look at me while I'm talking to you. I get how you're feeling but you will find out at the right time and you will feel grateful no one told you and…"

I ignored everything that Lex tried to tell me and looked away from her so my hair hung over my face and covered the tears on my cheeks just as Mr. Schue came from the other direction.

"Leah…"

"What happened to glee club being a family?"

I said the first thing I could think of. And the first thing I questioned.

"Leah… you just have to trust us on what we're doing. But please don't ask so much…"

"You know Mr. Schue would never do something to keep you in the dark and shutting you out… And I… we would never do something like that."

"Then tell me what is going on."

Lex shut her mouth so hard I heard her teeth hit together. And the seconds passed by while I just waited for one single answer.

"Look… I get it if…"

"No you don't."

When at last was fed up and had enough ignored the feeling that I'd regret this for the rest of my life.

"I'm trying to."

"But you can't… Heck, Lex you were used to this. And then people were there for you and they never left again… It's the exact opposite for me. Okay? People were there for me, my mum, my dad- everyone. Then things are hard and they've just disappeared… Yours got better but my just got worse…"

With that I stopped talking. And with the wishes that I could forget all about the last five minutes I had just gone through.

The way Lex looked back at me was indescribable.

So was my regret.

But what could I have said more?

Nothing while I watched Lex turn around and hurry down the hallway

As if I hadn't already screwed up everything else of my life…

Random fact