Are there any fans of the movie a royal Christmas out there? Just asking because I put up a oneshot a few days ago.
The time of that spring, from Jonah's funeral to regionals in the middle of April I barely talked to anyone…
I and Lex hadn't talked since the day I had basically said that I was going through stuff worse than hers. I was too ashamed to take any contact with her and she hadn't made any move to talk to me. Maybe she was just hurt beyond words…
Easter holidays was a weird one. I had barely talked with mum either and not to dad much. I heard them talk to and about my grandparents…
Those were the times I took Ariel with me on a long walk. Sometimes I walked all over Lima and didn't return again until late at night when mum and dad were just about to go to bed.
By the time we had all gone to Akron for regionals no one had told me what they had planned to do…
I hadn't really talked to any of the others as I probably should have to make this competition work for us. And by the time we were all in the curtains and Mr. Schuester walked out and was the first one of us to walk out on stage and took the chance to tell the whole audience what we were about to do…
But the thing was I didn't even know if my own parents were here to watch it.
"Hello everyone." Mr. Schue said. "We are the new directions and… what you're about to see is… important to us. Earlier this year we lost one member… Jonah Carmichael had been ill all his life and it was like we all just knew that fine. He'll… pass away some time and we'll be ready for it… But you're not ready for it." Mr. Schue had to take a break and clear his throat. "So when we lost him a few weeks ago… I can't describe it. So… Leah…" I drew one deep, shaky breath and walked forward. "…This is Jonah's little sister… and instead of trying to find words that are lost anyway. We're going to do what we do best and say it with our songs instead…"
Mr. Schue nodded at me and I gave him a shaky, nervous nod back.
"As for starters, here comes Leah Carmichael- Jonah's little sister."
Mr. Schue put the microphone in its stand and went off the stage while I drew one single deep, shaky breath before the music started.
This was one song I and Jonah had been singing together since I could remember. Yet I hadn't sung it once on my own.
I hadn't needed rehearsing. I knew it by heart. Even for singing it on my own.
But I wasn't supposed to be singing it on my own.
And before I knew it my throat was filled with tears. And my voice was breaking…
Just as I didn't think I could keep singing anymore I could hear another voice joining in. I recognized the voice before I turned around and saw that Lex was making her way out on the stage, singing and towards me.
With my best friend's voice joining there was more strength in my voice, I wiped two tears from my cheeks and kept singing.
As did the rest of the glee club. One after one they started singing and came out to me and Lex at the middle of the stage.
Shivers went down my spine. It was as if this had been planned and everyone knew what to do- Tyler first, then Moa, every other being girl and every other a boy and they were just joining the singing- without any sort of tones or parts and all of our voices just became one.
By then I had the lyrics back. I knew this song by heart and it almost went on automat- my heart beating hard. As hard as it only could when surrounded by friends and during times like these…
Sean and Marcie hadn't talked to each other for months, Teeghan and Sean couldn't do one single rehearsal without fighting (I had to say most of us would be on Sean's side in those though.) And I who had barely talked to anyone for the past few weeks and basically been pissed with them all when I found out they were keeping a secret from me.
Right here and now, as we all finished the first song together with Jasper coming out as the last…
At times like this an audience would always keep quiet in respect of the singers. But the silence in the auditorium as the first song of ours ended was so thick it could be touched or cut with a knife.
"It's been a long day…"
We knew that this song had actually been done for Paul Walker when he died. And we had gone back and forth wondering if we should actually use one of those songs that had actually been written for someone in certain. But as someone had said- probably most songs were.
And with that Caroline was the first one who started singing the refrain before Sean did the first rapping part.
Sean was definitely the best rapper out of all of us. But this wasn't about giving him only a chance to shine. And maybe Sean's rapping could give us the best chance of winning unless we would be too much like Teeghan and Marcie went out next.
Then just like with the first song everything just sort of fit together. It couldn't have been better if we had like ten rappers like Sean, or ten singers like Marcie, or ten dancers like Alice or Johnny…
It just fit…
And then by the end of the song we all stood in one line with our arms around each other's shoulders, I was in the middle and had one arm around Lex's shoulders and my other around Moa's.
I frowned as I was about to leave the stage but someone pulled me back. I was about to figure something to say but something made me freeze and I couldn't move a muscle as Mr. Schue came back on the stage and took the microphone once again.
"We just have… one more song to do. And for that we have some help… ladies and gentlemen. We're the New Directions."
I couldn't have been more surprised when I looked to the screen on the back of the stage was lit up to a picture- or more like a video of Jonah.
As the music came playing through the speakers Jonah put one hand on the side of the big headset he had been wearing.
I must have seen it from the microphone in front of him. But I could never have expected that Jonah would start singing.
How Mr. Schue or the principal or whoever had been involved in this had gotten the permission to use this for the competition I did not know.
It was just that Jonah only sung the first verse of the song. And then the other started singing along, one person here- another there. As if this had been an actual group number. And even more so when Jonah was singing more towards the end of the song.
Something was clenching in my chest and it was good I hadn't been told about this. If I had known I'd probably have freaked out. And if I had tried to sing I wouldn't have been able to.
Then that was it, the screen went black again. The whole auditorium went so quiet if someone had dropped a feather one would be able to hear it touch the floor. Then it just exploded with applause and the last thing I knew before we left the stage and went into the hallway was the audience getting on their feet before they sunk down again and the building was left quiet while the judges came to a decision…
"I guess…" I and Lex sat down in the stairs. "…that was a surprise for sure."
"I can't even imagine… I hope you understand by now that it was what we were keeping secret for you." I nodded. "And I hope you understand that it would be something Jonah could come up with." I nodded. "I'm sorry Leah… I know we weren't… exactly the nicest of friends. We never intended to hurt you."
Now when I finally knew what they had been planning my frowning and pouting and pissed mood about it felt so childish and nonetheless embarrassing.
"About what I said…"
"It's fine." Lex interrupted. "It's okay… You were right anyway. And I need to stop talking about myself anyway."
"No you don't… I mean… yeah. You talk but… you only talk when you have something to say. Something that somebody else really needs to hear… it's just like you know when someone needs to be told something and then you say it…" I thought back to Carole and everything she had done and said to and for me. "Maybe you are more alike your parents than you know."
Lex only smiled a little bit. But I saw the way her eyes were shining with pride. There could be nothing I could have said to make her shine with pride and happiness like that.
"WE HAVE TO WIN."
We suddenly broke the look and conversation in between us when Teeghan yelled so loud it echoed through the hallways. Lex gave me a look- typical Teeghan Knight and then rolled her eyes.
"This is where we fell last year. We won sectionals, and then we came to regionals- where we lost… I just…" Lex rubbed her hands together in nervousity. "…But I do know, whether we win or lose. We will always be… we… and that's good enough."
"Oh you just shut it Lex Hudmel!"
Lex waited until Teeghan had turned away from her. Then rolled her eyes again.
"Good thing at least I have more friends than…" She nodded. "What do you say? Should we do a crazy ice cream party either because we didn't win and need to feel sorry for ourselves or because we won and need to celebrate it."
I couldn't help but laugh- we'd have to make these ice cream parties a tradition.
But there was still one little thought in the back of my head. Now I had made up with Lex then there were more people I needed to talk to…
"Maybe I could come over tomorrow or Sunday…" I looked around as if it would help me. "First… there's just something I have to do." I looked up again and through the hallway- I didn't even know if my parents were here. "Some people I have to talk to."
Something in Lex's eyes told me that she knew exactly which ones I was talking about.
"It's time to go again." One of the judges came to call for the glee clubs. "We've come to a decision."
My heart started beating harder as I and Lex looked to each other. Then, as we went into the auditorium again we took each other by the hands.
I could barely even hear who came third and second in the competition. Of course, I would have heard if we were called but we weren't and I gripped harder and harder around Lex's fingers by the second- she'd get some bruises.
I didn't even know why this was so important all of a sudden. It just felt like a matter of life and death if…
"And the winner… going through to nationals in Washington DC is…"
There was a pause. It probably wasn't even ten seconds but I felt like shouting at the judge to tell us…
"From Lima, Ohio THE NEW DIRECTIONS."
The cheering was ear crushing. I would have held my hands straight over my ears if I hadn't been a part of it all at the same time as the trophy was passed to us.
Mr. Schue lifted the trophy and held it towards me. Then as soon as I held it in my hands I felt some of the boys lifting me up onto their shoulders.
I noticed something lit up the stage and when I turned to see what it was, a photo was once again of Jonah towards the big screen of the back of the stage.
"You only won because people pity you… I mean. She started crying during singing and…"
We all would have seen it coming though. And I couldn't help but wonder if this one was true and the happy feeling over winning suddenly faded.
I was suddenly on the floor again and looked down on the trophy. Was it really that reason…
"Don't even think about it." I suddenly heard Mr. Schue's voice right behind me. "You guys all did great and as for the rest just screw it! Come on." He started leading us towards the hallway and we were outside when the rush of people from the auditorium came.
"I don't even know if my parents came." I told Lex after a moment of silence. Just as I had sat that I saw mum and dad coming up and out from the auditorium. I met mum's vision for just a split second and then saw grandma and grandpa coming out too. I could see mum had cried and so had dad. While grandma was still crying and grandpa kept his arm around her shoulders. "Well… wish me luck."
The thought of everything I had said when I met them last during the same day Jonah had been buried.
Jonah who had actually been with us on that stage…
Lex didn't say anything. She just smiled at me, patted my arm and turned around to go over to her own parents that I saw standing a bit away.
I was more nervous than I had ever been in my life while I walked over to my family and then silently led them so we wouldn't have to stay where a million people saw and heard us. Once we were at the end of another hallway I turned and faced them all.
"Hey…"
Playlist
Leah, and later with the others: Your song- Elton John
New Directions- When I see you again- Wiz Khalifa feat. Charlie Puth
Jonah and the others- please remember me- Tim McGraw
Random fact
I had written most of it and then the last couple of hundred words were left until days later.
