I'm so sorry for not updating in months. I haven't updated once since I updated all of my stories right after New Year's. There isn't even so much left of this story, and I've planned this part of the story for years but I can't decide how it'll be written.
"I have been handing out some songs to some of you." Moa told the whole glee club during Tuesday's rehearsal. During whole Monday afternoon I had been going through the song she had shown me- again and again. I just wanted to do it as properly as possible. "And I think one of the ones I found that suited was you Leah. And I thought you might want to sing…"
"Oh…" I had been so far gone in my thoughts about doing the song I had forgotten the actual song. "Oh. Yes. I can do that… can some other do some other songs. I was a bit lost in my thoughts."
"I can do my song." I gathered my sheet music to give to Brad, remembered the lyrics and leaned back while Marcie did the song she had picked.
"I actually found this song myself." She told the rest of us. "I think it's about being in love and…" She was still for a couple of seconds, looking at Ben. "I just knew I fall in love just as much every day… And well… Brad?"
Of course, like he usually did Brad started playing.
"Are you okay?" I barely knew Moa was talking to me. "You do look a bit tired. How's Ariel?"
Moa didn't need to know that as soon as I closed my eyes I saw what had happened. And again and again I had to imagine my life without Ariel. I had barely slept…
"I'm fine. Just a bit tired…" I whispered back. "…But I want to listen to this."
I was really going to be fascinated by all of this week's all songs. I had noticed already yesterday that there was something special in listening to songs in a language I didn't understand. Just like I was listening to Marcie now.
Already knowing from her what the song was about, I could see the way Marcie was looking towards her boyfriend, and the way he was looking back- these two. The white girl and Asian boy, really were as much in love as two people in love could possibly be.
"Wow" Moa interrupted, barely had Marcie had the time to finish the last line. "I hope…. I'm sorry Marcie. But I really hope that whenever anyone else does a song. They actually takes some time to listen to the songs. And not just read the lyrics right up and down. Because if I didn't already know this melody…. I wouldn't have recognized a word!"
Marcie looked jokingly disappointed, but we all knew how different languages English and Swedish were. So even though I had listened to the song over and over yesterday and tried to sing along in the way the singer sung. I wasn't in the tiniest bit confident that I would sound the same.
I had a thought though, that anyone who made a song this week were brave in their own type.
And as I stood up and turned to the others, Johnny passed by the corner of my eye. He hadn't exactly been the most popular guy of the glee club. That would be Tyler or Aiden, maybe Connor. But seeing the way Alice looking towards him, it squeezed my heart knowing how much these two did love each other.
I tried to shake the feeling off when I told the others that Moa had shown me this song, that I had listened and practiced again and again. Everything for Jonah before I started the actual song.
Everyone had been so quiet when Marcie sang her song, everyone thought of these Swedish songs were great and sort of exciting to listen to. But when I sang, my voice sounded different from what it usually did. And from what it had sounded like when I rehearsed yesterday.
Moa didn't let me know anything from the way she looked towards me. But when I had just finished she suddenly smiled.
"This is what I've wanted all along." She told me. "You must have been listening and copying and listening again… honestly, while I know you don't exactly know Swedish. You did pretty good, and when I listened to you you could just as well have known it."
I hesitated for a while, but I knew that Jonah had done something like it. So right then, to brag I stuck my tongue out to Marcie- then I just couldn't help but laugh.
'"None of that please." Mr, Schue said, pretending strictly. "That is not what the New Directions is for… And whether we do it in English, or Swedish. Or any other language the glee club is for making music. We're not in competition with each other."
"Bla bla bla." Moa teased him. "Mr. Schue, why are you always so boring? It's so boring when we all just love each other. Don't anyone have anything more to fight about."
I probably wasn't the only one who smirked and was quite relieved when, as it turned out no one else had any song to sing Mr. Schue asked us all to leave and we were chattering about Moa's birthday tomorrow.
Jonah had never waited until birthdays if he came up with anyone. And he always thought that he could do that maybe he couldn't. When he started to get to know Moa, he wanted to make her a flag small enough to stand on her desk. He had sowed it too, and made a flag pole out of a pencil. Half of the flag America's red, white and blue part, and the other half, half of the yellow cross on a light blue background.
He had meant to have it for Christmas I knew, so I would have to do this.
It had just been so strange. How time could pass by just like usually even without Jonah here.
As Ariel's birthday was in June, mum's in August, mine in September and dad and Lex's both in November. Moa was the first one among our closest friends and family to have a birthday celebration since the worst night when Jonah passed away. Still, I knew how he had loved birthdays and celebrations and no matter how old he was he was like a little kid when they came around. I couldn't help but smile to myself while I wrapped the two gifts. The flag from Jonah and a wearable blanket, along with a copy of the fault in our stars from me.
I was almost excited the next day, May the second when it was about to hand Moa her presents, we were in the choir room. And I had barely just noticed that Johnny was the only one missing. But maybe he wanted to stay as far away from here as possible.
Then I heard a voice I recognized coming closer and closer to the choir room, and my good mood dropped just like that.
"Jack?" As if there was a doubt, he and Johnny came into the room. "Why are you here?"
I could feel the blood streaming in my ears and for a few moments the rest of the world seemed far away. I could hear Johnny say something about that they had made friends and Jack had a week of school and now here I was.
"Why are you here? Why are you even trying? I told you! I never want to see you again. And that hasn't changed only because someone else says it in a different language. Moa? Can you say it in Swedish? I never want to see him again." Moa nodded.
"Hon vill aldrig se dig mer."
I suddenly saw Rafael sitting by the corner of my eye.
"Rafael? Can you say it in…."
"Okay, okay." Jack interrupted. "You don't have to say it in Spanish or any other language. But… look… I came this whole way."
"And I didn't make you! Now go away. And let us back to celebrating an important date." Jack hesitated. "I'm not going to ask you one more time. Either you go away or I will….. Now go!" Jack was still hesitating, I didn't want to go anywhere but had I said….
"We're the New Directions.." Suddenly Mr. Schue interrupted whatever I was about to do. "And this seems like what we're for. You have got as much right to sing here," He sent me a meaning look. "And Leah. Don't go anywhere… I hope you've chosen a Swedish song for this week's theme that we're doing for Moa here."
While Jack sang, I knew the Swedish language as much as I had ever did- not at all! But I looked towards Moa and hoped that she would get it- she did. She showed me what she thought of Jack's performance by rolling her eyes and then pretending as if she was going to stick her fingers down her throat..
With every tune that Jack sang, I hated how much I had loved hearing it before.. Now I just wanted the performance to end before I had to run away.
By the time he finished the song, Jack was on his knees at the floor in front of me. And if I hadn't known any better I would have thought the tears on his cheeks were actually real before he wiped them away with his sleeves.
"You're making me want to puke."
That was the only thing I could even think of saying…
And it was true after all. I couldn't think of anything else to say. I just knew I had to find another song to sing back before this week was over. And I had to find this song myself!
"I wish that Jonah was here." I almost whispered right into the air. "He would have thought of something to say. Now go away…"
"Please don't bring Jonah into this."
Why wouldn't I? Jonah was a part of everything I did, every piece of my life and if it made Jack feel a billion times worse for what he had done it was only a good thing.
"You're just hopelessly bad at Swedish." I heard Moa said, but her voice sounded so far away. "And I think Leah's right. I think it's time for you to leave now."
"Don't bother."
I had already reached down to the floor to grab my backpack. Mr. Schue and everybody else had already shown whose side they were on and I couldn't get out of here fast enough. Wherever I was going I just knew I needed to turn my back against Jack and hoped with everything I was worth that he would disappear into thin smoke before I had to turn back.
"It's okay." Something seemed to have run off `Jack and he'd finally given up! Not a moment too soon. "You deserve to be here and well, celebrate a birthday… I'm going now."
"Finally!"
If glares could kill, there wouldn't have been much left of Johnny by now. But neither would it have been of me really. And I couldn't decide of who were friends with who, even when Jack had turned out to be an a*s that picked up his bag, then threw it over one shoulder as he left.
The room seemed awfully quiet for at least a couple of minutes…
"Well." Moa took over and broke the silence at last. "If we're over that and return to the glee club that we are. I was listening to a song that was playing everywhere when I was little. And I was thinking of it. Some things end you know… they just end without being able to start over again Who actually are seniors?" She waited for a few seconds while some of us raised a hand- myself not included of course. "Tyler, Teeghan, Johnny, Alice and Connor. Anyway. During a graduation when I was…. It's a long time ago, A class that was a few years older than me made a song that… everyone had listened to. I never got it. And I never got the song- I was too little then but… I think I get it now. And I think it would be the perfect song for…. Our whole group."
Alice did not look happy. If glares could kill there wouldn't have been much left of Johnny but we could all remember what had been said about what was going to happen after graduation yesterday.
I had been far gone into my thoughts, so jumped awake when suddenly there was a loud ringing echoing through the room, interrupting everything else.
"What is that?"
Rafaél's question hadn't had to be asked… Sean was trying to hurry through his pockets, until he at last found it in his jacket that was hanging on the back of the chair (he'd been sitting kind of leaned back).
"Yes?"
It was one of my biggest pet peeves when people started almost shouting on the phone when you've wanted to do something else. And, while Sean seemed to be half standing up. He suddenly froze, then sank back down on his chair.
"I'll be right there."
He didn't have to say much to whoever he was talking to, he hadn't even hung up the phone before he was up from his chair and on his way towards the door. Then he froze all of a sudden and turned back to Moa.
"As it turns out you might have to share your birthday in the future. With two new little people… Because my mum is in labour with twins…" He disappeared out the door while Mr. Schue shouted after him and everyone else seemed to agree.
"GOOD LUCK."
So. There's a bit of a cliffhanger. Next chapter I have pretty much planned out. So if there's anyone out there still reading this. At least you shouldn't have as long to wait for the next chapter as I have that one mostly planned out.
Playlist
(Leah) Jag fick låna en ängel- Shirley Clamp (I got to borrow an angel)
(Marcie) Utan dina andetag- Kent (without your breaths)
(Jack) Tro på mig- Niklas Andersson (Believe in me)
Random fact
A flag with half American, half Swedish is inspired by one I drew when I was 14-ish, It was half Norwegian and half Swedish and my teacher hung it on the white board. Then, the next day one of the boys was like "WHY IS IT HALF NORWEGIAN? IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE ALL SWEDISH"
