April 2033: Beginning of an End Part IV
The week that followed was a tough one for Thad to adjust to. First of all, he had a permanent house guest, which was a most unusual state of affairs, Thad not having lived with someone else long-term since he had shared a home with David during their college days. Trent, however, was no bother at all; the fact that he was an early riser and insisted that he should make them breakfast every day meant that it was almost like his apartment had become a hotel. He had also taken over the cooking of his other meals, and the repasts he prepared were light and tailored to the needs of his condition in that they were easy to digest. Then there was the housework, something that Thad realised he had been neglecting as he had felt much more tired recently. Trent turned his hand to it without being asked; the fact that his home was once again tidy, clean and fresh smelling made him feel much better.
If that was not enough of a change to his routine, the arrival of his brother, sister-in-law and 'nephew' two days after he had made his big announcement turned things a little upside down. Michelle managed to handle seeing Thad so ill effortlessly and was able to help her son deal with it too, although there was a sad look on his face a lot of the time. Ollie was an altogether different story. In the course of his career as a doctor he had seen so many illnesses, so many people dying; he managed normally to keep his emotions in check, even when those involved were small children. Seeing his brother in his current condition and knowing that there was nothing he could do to save him was a step too far, and he broke down, unable to stop sobbing as soon as he saw him...
Trent knew what to do and ushered Michelle and little Thad off to greet the Carmichaels, leaving the two Harwood brothers alone to talk, although at first it was more a case of Thad holding his brother to him and letting him weep. When eventually that came to an end, it was Thad that spoke first. "I am sorry that this has happened, but you know better than most that there is nothing that can be done or could have been done; I drew a bad card in the lottery of genetics and now I have reached the end of my game. I am also so sorry that I am leaving you alone in terms of blood family; you gave up on the family we were born into when you chose to side with me, and now you will be left with nobody…"
"I am still glad that I did; the way that they all treated you and then me is unforgivable in my book. I know that it is all down to mom and dad really, but why couldn't our big brother and our sisters have had the courage as intelligent adults to disobey?"
"Maybe their brand of brainwashing worked better on them than it did on us…" remarked Thad, which made Ollie laugh. He knew that wasn't true, but he did suspect that it might have a lot more to do with the great influence that his father had over all aspects of the medical world in Ohio. Had Dr Benjamin Harwood Senior ever discovered that any of their three siblings had made contact with them, he would have destroyed their medical career without a moment's hesitation. Ollie had seen that before in what he had done to Hayden. He was also aware that his employers in New York had received multiple letters from his father and indeed mother when he was being appointed, but they had seen them for what they were and ignored them…
Changing the subject a little, Ollie went on, "I know that there were a few of your closest friends that wanted you to consider going for treatments, but I want you to know that I am fully behind you decision not to go down that route…"
"I must admit to being a little surprised at that; Dad really has worn off on you," replied Thad jokingly.
Ollie chuckled, and said, "I know; he would have insisted that you were subjected to every possible form of treatment. Your body would have been bombarded with a cocktail of semi-toxic drugs and radiation. Of course, that would not have been out of a deep love for you as his youngest child, but because he could have obtained inordinate amounts of money from your medical insurers for every little thing that he tried. He would be aware that it was all pretty pointless naturally and that all that would be achieved was to give you as the patient a few extra months of pain and misery to suffer through. Much as I do not want to lose you little brother, I also couldn't bear to sit and watch you suffering needlessly…"
"I am glad to hear that, because I am also going to insist that much as I love being with you, you will be going back to New York at the end of the week, and you will be staying there until the very end is imminent. I will not have you putting your life on hold indefinitely because of my illness. Your patients need you to treat them, Michelle needs to get back and keep control of the Spotlight and the last thing that little Thad needs is to be here and watch me wasting away…"
Ollie sighed and responded, "I thought that you would say that, and you are right, but it will not be easy for me. I want you to promise me, and I will have Trent promise me too, that when the time does come, and they know it is only a short time…"
"I will have them call you, I promise…"
Ollie fell silent then, and it would be a few minutes before he spoke again. "Of course, you will be heading off to join the man that you love up in heaven when you pass away. I never used to think like that, but now I do believe it. You and Michelle exposed me to your beliefs, and they have rubbed off on me; other people at the hospital have done the same. It is a great comfort to me actually to think that when you leave us here, you won't be coming to an end; instead, you will be gaining a set of wings, so that you can soar through the skies with the love of your life…"
Thad looked at his brother and saw how serious he was about his words; he really did believe in it now, and that made his heart light. He laughed, then said, "Now that statement would definitely not find favour with our beloved father…" Ollie laughed then too, as Thad wondered if there was a possibility that his brother's newfound belief would be enough to allow him to see his angelic form in future, just as Michelle saw Wes and the others all the time…
His subsequent private chat with his sister-in-law went a lot easier, but she also did not avoid the issue that had been on so many minds in the last few days. "You decided against treatment so that you could get to your husband sooner, didn't you? It was nothing to do with the potential pain and side-effects, you just wanted to be with Wes. I can't say that I blame you for that, because after being apart for so long it will be a joy for both of you…"
"That is one of the things that is helping me get through all of this; the fact that I know he is there and waiting for me keeps me from crying every minute of every day. I will finally be Thad Montgomery, his husband; all the rest of it, even the wings, will just be an added bonus for me. I know that I am being so selfish in a way, and that my decision is not entirely fair on those that I will be leaving behind, such as Ollie and David, but for the first time in years I think I will be truly content…"
"Well, I promise to take good care of Ollie and little Thad for you…"
"I know, but there is a part of me that hopes after our little chat earlier that he might not have as hard a time as we thought; he has been under your influence long enough, with me backing you up, that he now is a believer in heaven and angels…"
Michelle was quiet for a moment, then said, "Do you think that there is a chance that he might be granted the ability to see you all?"
"I would like to think so, because just hearing me won't work for him at all; he will think that he has some mental illness like schizophrenia because his medically trained mind will overwhelm all other possibilities. I think that the shock of my death when it does come might actually be a trigger point…" replied Thad, then he sighed. "I would ask your cousin, but Wes seems to be making an effort to avoid me right now…"
"I would not worry about that one iota," said Michelle softly. "I know him well enough to know that at this moment in time he will be feeling so conflicted. He would never want you to die, but at the same time, the prospect of having you with him, at his side, night and day, will be very appealing…"
Ollie and his family would leave on Friday morning, with a lot of lingering hugs. Much as Thad loved them all, he was glad to see them leave; he was feeling tired, and he ended up retreating to his bed for much of the day afterwards. On top of that, his emotions were all over the place; his hug with his young namesake had been long, because he knew that he would never hug his son again. The boy seemed to sense something as well, as having been calm all week, he suddenly burst into tears as soon as they parted and was still tearful as they drove away. He chided himself for not expecting it, because he would have been the same in the circumstances…
He had told Trent that he did not want to see anyone for the rest of the day and his friend ensured that. Thad ended up falling asleep, his weary body welcoming the chance for some extra rest. It would be late the following morning before he left the house again, this time to take a stroll across to the Senior Commons, which he knew would be deserted at this time on a Saturday. He ended up taking his old seat on the council table and if he closed his eyes, he could picture the room as it had been then, with all of his contemporaries sitting in their usual spots, so much younger than now and unhurt by the damage that Hunter would go on to unleash on them. Wes was at his side, which made the fact that Sebastian was there wrong, as he had been making trouble in Paris during the year that his beloved husband was the Head Warbler…
"He is a key member of the brotherhood though, and had it not been for his parents' divorce…" came a voice, and Thad came out of his daydream to see Seth sitting before him on the couch. "I used to picture this room all the time in my final days as well and there were always people present in the room that had not been a student at Dalton at the same time as I was; in fact, I used to see Mason here in a Dalton uniform, and he was never a student here…" His tone changed then, and he said, "Wes would have come himself, but he is just too busy right now; there is a lot going on right now in the Ohio section…"
"Yet not enough that he needs his assistant to remain with him at all times, instead of coming to see me," replied Thad testily, before he chided himself. "I am beginning to think that he is just too upset with me because I am not fighting to stay alive; he thinks that I should be taking whatever treatment I can…"
"No, that is where you are wrong; he is so glad that he is not having to watch you suffer unnecessary pain. The problem is that he feels guilty that he is looking forward to your arrival so much. Then there is the impact that your imminent arrival will have on me directly; he feels guilty that I will have to change role, and he really shouldn't. I have enjoyed working with him, but the new role I have been allocated is one that will test my training as an engineer at last. All this was in the pipeline weeks ago, but it was when he received a letter telling him what my start date in my new role would be that he began to retreat into himself. The fact that he has always known that his husband was destined to be his admin assistant was the issue, because thanks to an admin glitch, the letter arrived before he was officially notified of your forthcoming demise…"
That revelation from Seth suddenly made how Wes had been treating him since he had known that he was going to die much more reasonable. Thad knew that his own heart would have ached if he had found out that someone that he loved greatly was about to die, but for him there would not have been as much guilt as Wes was being assailed with. He looked at Seth and said quietly, "I know that you cannot tell me the exact date when I am due to be collected, but when do you start your new job?"
Seth looked at him, then shook his head, laughing. "Nice try, but I am not able to tell you that either, even if it was down to a momentary lapse of concentration. All they have told me is that I will be starting soon, and even if I do know a date, I cannot say how many days or weeks before it you will pass…"
"Wes will know exactly when though, as he will be required to schedule someone to pick me up…"
"Of course, but do you really think that he would be letting anyone come for you other than himself? When he is undertaking a collection, he doesn't enter it into the general schedule for everyone to see; it will be noted in his desk diary, but he won't have written it in as what it is, but will have encoded the entry…"
Thad nodded, but he himself had an inkling that his passing would happen around the time of the annual graduation ceremonies; he would breathe his last then, and that meant he had at most eight weeks of life left. There was a great part of him that wished that his passing would come after the event so as not to overshadow it and potentially ruin the event for some of the Senior students. However, if it did happen before then, then they could have a memorial too him then on graduation weekend, and save people having to travel to the Academy twice in such a short space of time…
Seth suddenly spoke again. "I don't think that any of this will be easy for any of them; whether you die before or after the ceremony, it will be the end of an era for so many; Skylar will be accepted as Head Warbler, but he is from the new generation. The worst thing of all is that someone that was never a Warbler will be in charge of the dorm… I hope that when it comes to making that appointment, they will let you have a say, as it is really vital that we have the right man for the job, especially when little Wes will be living there…"
"I should be on that panel, as it is tradition that when a housemaster retires, he picks his successor. I do have a one-on-one with the Principal next week when we will probably go through the list of candidates; there is I believe a teacher from the maths department on the list, and he think that the Warblers are exceptionally cool. He is young, single and would probably jump at the opportunity to live in an apartment on school grounds given how high rents are right now…"
Later that afternoon Thad found himself having tea with an unexpected visitor in the shape of Mrs Thompson. David's mother had been told by her son about his best friend's condition and she was as anxious as Ollie had been to visit him now his card had been marked. She cried the moment she saw his yellow skin; Trent would bring in tea to discover the two of them kneeling side by side and praying, and he smiled, even if he did suspect that Thad was going along with it for her benefit alone… After she had left, however, he admitted to Trent that he had not found it quite as strange as he once had and indeed had found some comfort in saying those age-old words of prayer… "She said that she would ask her pastor and the congregation to pray for me too. That is nice, given that David and Mercedes are already praying for me…"
"I will admit that Flint was also going to ask Rabbi Hirsch to include you in the prayers at the synagogue this week, so you are receiving a great deal of coverage," mused Trent with a smile.
"I don't feel as if I deserve quite so much attention, if I am being entirely honest," said Thad wryly. "We both know that those words will not achieve their stated goal. I will die and unfortunately, that is that…"
"Whilst some will doubtless be praying for a miracle amongst all of those people, others will be more realistic and will just be hoping that your passing is as painless as it possibly can be," remarked Trent.
"Well, that latter sentiment is one that I can go along with wholeheartedly and pray that it does come true. The last thing that I want is for my final days to be filled with agony and pain, or worse, be lying here so full of painkillers that I am rendered unaware of things around me…"
Trent could only nod at Thad's words, and hope that his friend did indeed get the 'good' death that he craved…
Within a fortnight, however, Thad's condition had begun to deteriorate rapidly. Then in the middle of the third week of April, Thad collapsed in his classroom in front of a group of senior students that he had insisted he would continue to teach right up to their exams. That fateful day had been scheduled to be his final class and he had almost finished when his legs gave way underneath him with no warning and he fell to the floor. Trent and Principal Lefevre were fetched by the students, and then those boys helped to carry their teacher back to his bed. There had been tears shed amongst them, but not out of pity for the man that was clearly dying, but for the loss of one of the best teachers Dalton Academy had ever had; in fact, some said he was the greatest since a young man named Aaron Carmichael had walked through the doors of the school in the 1960s…
The school doctor was promptly summoned to give Thad a thorough examination, and as he did, Trent, Mrs Carmichael and Principal Lefevre sat outside the room, awaiting the verdict on how Thad was… They were all putting a brave face on things, aware that in their rooms in the dorms, most of the Warblers were also awaiting an update; news of Thad's collapse had spread round the school like wildfire and none of his boys wanted to be anywhere else for now.
Trent had not made a single phone call to the alumni, however, but that was because both he and Sebastian had agreed that they would not tell anyone outside of the school grounds until the doctor pronounced his verdict; the latter was now in the dorm common room, awaiting the news with some of the boys he coached. One of those boys was Wes, and when Sebastian had gone to him to ask him to keep quiet, the boy had surprised him by saying that he would not tell his dads anything until he was told he could. He knew that there was no point in stirring everyone up until they knew exactly what was happening…
When the doctor finally emerged from Thad's room, the grim expression on his face told the three waiting outside all that they needed to know. "There is no way to sugar coat this," the doctor began with a sigh. "I think that it is highly unlikely that Mr Harwood will still be alive at the end of the school year…"
"That is in a little over four weeks," said Principal Lefevre softly.
The doctor nodded, then went on, "I think that it would be advisable if you made everyone that wishes to see him one final time that they should come as promptly as possible. His condition is unpredictable; he may last longer, or he may just go downhill in a blink of an eye. There is no way of knowing I'm afraid…"
"Does Thad know?" asked Trent, trying his best to stay detached and focused as his heart broke.
"Yes, he asked me to tell him what I thought, and so I did. He seemed quite remarkably calm about it all, almost as if I had given him good news instead of the worst. Of course, that is down to his strong faith and the fact he feels he will certainly be reunited with a particular 'judging angel' when the time comes… Now, if you need me again, day or night, don't hesitate to call. We will embark now on a basic program of palliative care; to that end, he has asked that I send you in to speak with him, Mr Nixon. If I know Thad, he will have instructions for you to carry out on his behalf…"
Trent entered the room fearing what he might see, but he was relieved to see that Thad was sitting up in bed, looking very determined, if a trifle tired. He looked so much better than he had when Trent had run into his classroom and saw him on the floor, looking as if he was knocking on heaven's door… "Come and sit down; you and I need to have a conversation before you start sending any messages off to the rest of the brotherhood. I am aware that when they all find out just how long the doctor thinks I have left, a large number will want to abandon their normal routine and come here, just so that they can be with me when my time comes. I can understand why they would wish to, and appreciate the sentiment behind it, but I will not be the cause of such disruption to their daily routine. I will not interrupt their lives for any longer than I have to, and the last thing I want is a fuss. To that end, you will tell them all that I collapsed, but that it was due to the fact that I have been pushing myself too hard and had also skipped lunch; that the doctor has said that I have to take it easy from now on, but that there is no immediate cause for concern…"
"David might fall for that, but there is no way that your brother will," said Trent, pointing out the obvious flaw in the plan, that Ollie had medical knowledge.
"That is why I asked the doctor to call him right now, as one professional to another. He will be told the truth, but also that it would distress me greatly if he was to drop everything and come racing here and abandon his patients; that instead he needs to carry on but be ready to come to Ohio at an hour's notice. My brother knows that I do not want fuss and I am confident that he will respect my wishes. It will be up to you to contain the others and keep them away for now; I am sure that Sebastian will help you with that task. In fact, it is him that I want to see next to ensure he knows exactly what I want from him too. With both of you telling people the exact same story we will have growing credibility. I know that it is against your nature to lie about anything, but the lie in question is a white one. Truth is, I don't think I could bear to have them all sitting around here, waiting for me to…"
Thad didn't finish the sentence, as Trent knew what he was going to say next. He nodded, then said, "You forget that I am a politics student, and thus know most of the lies ever told to the populace to keep them calm in times of crisis. I will lie for you for the remainder of this month, but not in May. By then you and I both know that they will need to be here, and I will not be the one to deny anyone the chance to say a final goodbye to you."
Thad nodded, and said, "I can be content with that, I guess; now, go and fetch me Sebastian so that he can be told what he needs to do…"
Sebastian was every bit as unhappy as Trent was at being asked to lie to his friends, but he took part in the cover-up nonetheless, telling everyone that Thad just needed to take it easy. That weekend saw the arrival of Jasper and Brad from Chicago, as had been planned before the events in the classroom. It had been three weeks since Thad had broken the news, but this had been their first opportunity to take time off work together and make their way to Dalton. Edward would arrive unexpectedly the same day and the three of them made their way into Thad's room together to say one last goodbye. They all stayed dry-eyed in the presence of the Head Warbler; however, once they were across the road from the dorm in the Carmichaels' sitting room, they all broke down and sobbed like babies. Edith and Aaron did their best to comfort them, all too used to young lives being cut short by now…
It was that same weekend that little Wes managed to sneak into Thad's room, getting past Trent whilst he was distracted elsewhere. Thad was most surprised to see him there, but even more so by the stern look on the young boy's face. "Why did you get everyone to lie for you?" he asked, leaving Thad stunned momentarily. "I know that you do not want them all gathered here for weeks on end, but what if the end comes and there isn't time for them to get here?"
"There will be - the doctor will be monitoring my condition and there will be warning signs when the time draws near that will be unmistakable," Thad replied, although the words Wes had uttered did seem a little too real.
"I hope that is true, because I think you would regret not giving them the chance to say goodbye as much as they would regret not having the opportunity. I think that is especially true of your brother. When you think about it, family is the most important thing of all and you would hate not being able to see him one last time just as much… no matter what has happened in the past, we all need to be able to say our last goodbye…"
Wes said no more as at that moment Trent stepped into the room and looked straight at the boy, arms folded across his chest. "I thought that you and every other boy in this dorm knew that Mr Harwood specifically said that he did not want visitors today, and yet I find you in here, Wesley!" said Trent sternly. "I know that you are closer to him than all the others, but that is no excuse to be disrespectful and disobey the clearly set out rules!"
"It's alright Trent, he didn't do any harm," interjected Thad. "Wes, I will speak to you and the others again soon, because the Warblers will always be my boys. Now, go on, get back to your dorm, because it is almost curfew."
Wes nodded, then said, "Goodnight, Uncle Thad. And I am sorry, Uncle Trent…" Then he headed out as quietly as he had come in.
Trent shook his head and took a seat on the edge of Thad's bed. "You really are too soft on them sometimes; most housemasters would not have such a reaction to a freshman disobeying instructions that he had given like that."
"Oh, I know, but let's be honest here; despite everything I said, it was little Wes… He was placed in my arms the day he was brought home from hospital and well, I guess that we have a little bit of a bond because of that," said Thad quietly. "I will say this much for him, he is getting every bit as wise as his namesake as he ages. I don't think I was anywhere near as serious about things when I was 14…"
"He will soon be 15 and yes, at that age I was nowhere near as serious as he is now," chuckled Trent.
"David told me once that Wes was very serious even before he came to Dalton, but then his family dynamics were not great; I think that he found his comfort and safety in reading books; then at Dalton, he positively bloomed… I miss his visits so much. He just stopped coming to see me without warning, you know; as soon as I found out that I was dying, he stopped coming to see me. I can understand why he would do so, but it does get a little lonely for me, even with you here for company…"
Thad fell silent, and Trent reached out and took his hand in his own. "Wes will be dealing with the whole gamut of emotions right now, torn between hating the idea of you suffering and dying, and loving the idea that you will be with him all the time soon. That can't be easy for him… Right, I am going to go and make some tea; I will bring a tray in here and we can drink it together and chat as we all did in the old days…"
Thad nodded, although in all honesty he would rather have been left alone, but he didn't want to hurt Trent's feelings. What he did not know was that as he went to make the tea, Trent was also deep in thought; the truth was that he had been at the door long enough to hear the majority of what little Wes had said. His mind was suddenly occupied with thoughts of the other Dr Harwoods, his friend's other three siblings. His parents he knew were a hopeless case, but if Ollie could give up his family and disobey their instructions, then maybe in the circumstances, with their youngest brother facing death, the other three could be persuaded to do so too. The only trouble was that he had no idea where to even begin if he was going to be able to speak to them in confidence. Thad said very little about them, and when he did it was with a wistful expression on his face. He could not go to Ollie and ask, as he would tell him to leave well alone.
It was as the kettle boiled that he suddenly had a brainwave. He did know one person that might know where he could begin. He needed to have a private conversation with Dr Hayden McLeod…
