Thursday, 30th June 2022
"Roy?" Jamie asked, answering the phone.
"What are you doing?"
"Playing FIFA, do you reckon I'll be in it next year?"
"Probably, I need your help. Ruth's been called in to work and I have to grab Phoebe but I have an appointment about the kitchen design."
"Mint, I'd love to come. Should I meet you there?"
"That's not what I…use your indicator you twat."
"Come pick me up after you've got Phoebe, I'll get ready."
Jamie ended the call without hearing what Roy might have said next.
Thirty minutes later, Jamie pulled the door shut behind him and walked over to Roy's car.
"Jamie, did you hear, we're going to help Uncle Roy pick out the kitchen for his other new project."
"What new project?" Jamie asked, craning around to look at Phoebe and then back at Roy.
"I've just bought another house in Hounslow to rejuvenate and rent out."
"Two houses at once?"
"Hounslow's a much smaller job…the Richmond one is probably the biggest job I've done."
"Then we should give the house a name," Jamie said. "Other new project isn't as cool as a name and the biggest job also deserves something special."
"We are not fucking naming the house."
"That's a pound, Uncle Roy."
Jamie reached for the compartment where Roy kept his pound coins and flicked it to Phoebe who caught it and then slid it into her bag.
"It's near Richmond Green…could we do something with that?" Jamie asked.
"I think we should call it Platypus Green," Phoebe told him. "I've been reading about platypi in case I decide to be a wild animal vet in Australia, and they are amazing. They're a monotreme, and when the first one was sent to England the scientists thought it was a joke because it's so unique."
Jamie turned as far as he could in the seat to look at Phoebe and listened to her tell him all about platypi until they arrived at the kitchen store. She stopped talking as she undid her seatbelt and slid out of the car as soon as Jamie opened his door. As soon as the door closed, she grabbed Jamie's forearm and squeezed.
"This is so exciting," Phobe told him.
"I know," Jamie told her, walking towards the front of the car as Phoebe rushed to Roy's side.
"Calm down," Roy told her, "you're fairly vibrating out of your boots."
"I'm not wearing boots," Phoebe laughed.
"Is this like the last place?" Jamie asked, leading the way in. "Do they do up a model using the measurements of the space?"
"Yes, but I'll also be picking the appliances."
"You have to get a pyrolytic oven, saves on cleaning, and a double oven is great – then you can bake a cake in one and cook dinner in the other. I helped Simon with the redo of Mum's kitchen a few years ago – she refused to let me pay for it, but Simon and I did a little deal where I bought the appliances, so he got to have really good ones. He loves a gadget."
"When are Simon and Georgie coming down next?" Phoebe asked.
"In a fortnight, then we're going to go for a couple of weeks in Spain together. You and Uncle Roy could come if your Mum can get time off work. We have a whole villa so there's plenty of space and we can swim. Do you like to swim?"
"I love it, if it's called Platypus Green, it should have a pool, Uncle Roy."
"It doesn't need a name or a pool," Roy told them.
Jamie looked at Phoebe and shook his head. Phoebe grinned back at him.
"Hello, can I help you today?" A woman asked, stepping into Jamie's path.
Jamie smiled at the woman, he noticed she was giving him the eye but didn't return the compliment, Roy was a step or two behind him with Phoebe. "He's got an appointment with his guy."
Roy stopped next to Jamie, Phoebe squeezing herself between them. Jamie watched her face change…not that he could try and pick her up with Phoebe there anyway.
"Andre should be expecting me," Roy said.
"If you head towards the back you'll see the sales desk, they will be able to get Andre for you."
"Thanks," Jamie said, winking at her on the way past.
"You can stay and have a crack if you want," Roy grumbled out quietly.
"Why?" Jamie asked. "Phoebe and I are going to design the Platypus Green kitchen for you. Do you think we should paint it green?"
"Fuck no."
"With a black and white floor?" Phoebe said.
"One of those alternating ones?" Jamie asked. Phoebe nodded. "I love those, would go sparking with the emerald green walls. Especially with that big window over the back garden."
Roy groaned out a growl. "White walls and the same tile as the bathrooms for consistency."
Jamie groaned and dropped his head down onto Phoebe's shoulder making her laugh. "He's so boring."
"I am not renovating this house for you," Roy reminded him. "It'll be a rental property."
"So? Why can't it also be beautiful?" Jamie asked, looking at Roy and watching his periphery from the corner of his eye.
Roy growled and started walking again.
"Roy," a man said, stepped out from behind the sales desk.
"Hello, Andre, this is Jamie and my niece Phoebe."
"We're helping Uncle Roy with the design of the kitchen. You do like my idea of a black and white floor with green walls, don't you, Uncle Roy?"
She turned her wide eyes up on Roy.
"Fuck!" Roy muttered under his breath.
"That's a pound, Uncle Roy."
"Yes, we're going to make the floor black and white and paint the walls green."
"Emerald green," Jamie corrected.
Roy glared at Jamie. "Emerald green."
Jamie handed Phoebe a pound. "Fuck yeah."
"Come into my office," Andre said. "I have your dimensions all set up on the computer."
They went in to find only two chairs, Phoebe climbed onto Roy's good knee and leaned forward to fold her arms on the desk so she could see the screen.
"I'll just put in the colour scheme. It's a good-sized kitchen so I think we can make it really functional by setting up an island and then wrapping the benches and cupboard around two walls, the sink under the kitchen window."
"With a wide window ledge so people can grow herbs."
"Excellent idea," Andre said, "very popular idea and will look wonderful in staging."
"With mosaic pots, I could make them for you, Uncle Roy."
Roy looked down at her and then at Jamie. "Phoebe, I'm not living in this house."
"I know that," she rolled her eyes aggressively and fell into Roy's chest. Looking up at him over her shoulder she smiled. "For the staging and then I can have them back for home."
"So long as you," Roy looked at Jamie... "both, get that this isn't a home."
"It will be someone's home," Jamie said. "What about two ovens there."
"Pyrotechnic…that wasn't right," Phoebe looked at Jamie.
"Pyrolytic."
"Excellent choice."
"And drawers instead of cupboards," Jamie told him, "so much easier and you don't lose space at the back that you can't reach."
"You've done some kitchen design before," Andre told him.
Roy looked at Jamie who smiled and shrugged. "Fine, but I get final say."
"Mint," Jamie sat forward. "We need a sink big enough to fit the trays from the ovens."
"Excellent," Andre made a few clicks and started highlighting some things on his second screen.
"You need to have higher benchtops too," Phoebe said, "Mum and Uncle Roy always get sore backs when they are working in the kitchen."
"We can certainly do that. Do you still want the butler's pantry on the left?"
"It will use up some lost space behind the stairs and will have a second door through to the laundry," Roy told him.
"Open shelves?" Jamie asked.
"I was planning a bench, then cupboards above and below." Roy told him.
"With power points on each wall?"
"Yeah."
"And were you also going to have above cupboards in the kitchen?"
"Not with the butler's," Roy told him.
Jamie nodded.
"Where will the fridge go?" Phoebe asked, mostly not caring about cupboards.
"We have two options," Andre told her, highlighting areas on his screen. "We can put it on this wall or on this wall, where do you think?"
Phoebe thought for a moment and then pointed. "It's closer to the oven on this side."
"Right you are," Andre put the fridge into the model.
"Need enough space for a big fridge if it's going to be a family home," Jamie said.
Andre made the change. "And a dishwasher next to the sink?"
"Yes, full size one of them too, none of that single drawer dishwasher shit."
"Jamie," Phoebe held out a hand behind her.
Jamie unzipped his pocket and dropped the pound into her hand.
"Shouldn't the dishwasher be in the butler's pantry with a small sink?" Roy asked.
"Nah, you think that's how you'll use it, but you never do," Jamie told him. "Number of places I've rented that were set up like that and when I do a thing the plates always have to be double handled."
"A smaller double sink in the butler's is a good idea however," Andre said. "They come in very handy."
"And the centre island should be a nice hard wood," Jamie said. "Match the wide window sill and have open storage on the side that can be seen by the dining room. I know a place that can make you a mint dining table…nevermind, not a home."
"Are you doing tile splash backs?" Andre asked.
"Yes," Roy said, and Jamie said. "No."
"Not worth cleaning the grout behind the stove," Jamie offered. "A silvery grey frosted glass would look mint, be a little reflective but not too much and would make any colourful decorations pop or work with a minimalist look."
"Who the fuck are you?" Roy asked Jamie.
Jamie beamed at him. "Used to help me auntie and grannie clean houses when I was a lad. They were hired by all the rich wives who couldn't be bothered to clean their own houses, then I started playing football and started seeing even more rich people's houses. I know what looks good and what looks cheap and what kitchens where people live really look like, innit?"
Roy growled out a noise and turned back to Andre. "Are his ideas actually good or are you just telling me when I want to hear."
Andre laughed. "I never tell you what you want to hear, Roy, it's a good design and will add money when you sell."
"The dining and living room should be a lighter green to bring the colour through," Jamie told him. "And a nice warm hardwood on the floors…with under floor heating."
"Don't fucking push it," Roy growled at Jamie.
"That's three pounds now, Uncle Roy."
"Add it to the invoice."
"Okay," Phoebe reached for her bag and pulled out a notebook and fluffy pen to write the sum down.
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