There was a murmur of general agreement.
"Right," said Hermione, looking relieved that something had at last been settled. "Well, then, the next question is how often we do it. I really don't think there's any point in meeting less than once a week —"
"Hang on," said Angelina, "we need to make sure this doesn't clash with our Quidditch practice."
"No," said Cho, "nor with ours."
"Nor ours," added Zacharias Smith
"Yes, I'm aware, I play Quidditch myself guys, you know that. I'm sure we can find a day that's good for everyone" Hermione said ""but you know, this is rather important, we're talking about learning to defend ourselves against Voldemort's Death Eaters —"
"Well said!" barked Ernie Macmillan, whom Harry had been expecting to speak long before this. "Personally I think this is really important, possibly more important than anything else we'll do this year, even with our O.W.L.s coming up!" He looked around impressively, as though waiting for people to cry, "Surely not!" When nobody spoke, he went on, "I, personally, am at a loss to see why the Ministry has foisted such a useless teacher upon us at this critical period. Obviously they are in denial about the return of You-Know-Who, but to give us a teacher who is trying to actively prevent us from using defensive spells —"
"We think the reason Umbridge doesn't want us trained in Defense Against the Dark Arts," said Hermione, "is that she's got some . . . some mad idea that Dumbledore could use the students in the school as a kind of private army. She thinks he'd mobilize us against the Ministry."
"Yeah, she and Fudge have convinced themselves that Dumbledore needs help to overthrow them, even though everyone knows Dumbledore could easily do it all by himself if he was so inclined. He obviously isn't though" I added
Nearly everybody looked stunned at this news; everybody except Luna who piped up, "Well, that makes sense. After all, Cornelius Fudge has got his own private army."
"What?" said Harry
"Yes, he's got an army of heliopaths," said Luna solemnly.
"No, he hasn't," snapped Hermione.
"Yes, he has," said Luna.
"What are heliopaths?" asked Neville, looking blank.
"They're spirits of fire," said Luna, her protuberant eyes widening so that she looked madder than ever. "Great tall flaming creatures that gallop across the ground burning everything in front of —"
"Really guys, is now the time for this?" said Demelza
"They don't exist, Neville," said Hermione tartly.
"Oh yes they do!" said Luna angrily.
"I'm sorry, but where's the proof of that?" snapped Hermione. "There are plenty of eyewitness accounts, just because you're so narrow-minded you need to have everything shoved under your nose before you —"
Once again, and as usual, I had to put a stop to other people's nonsense.
"Hem, hem," I said in such a good imitation of Professor Umbridge that several people looked around in alarm and then laughed. "Weren't we trying to decide how often we're going to meet and get Defense lessons?"
"Yes," said Hermione at once, "yes, we were, you're right. . . ."
"Well, once a week sounds cool," said Lee Jordan.
"As long as —" began Angelina.
"Yes, Angelina! I think Quidditch is important too you know" said Hermione in a tense voice.
"Well, the other thing to decide is where we're going to meet. . . ." This was rather more difficult; the whole group fell silent.
"Library?" suggested Katie Bell after a few moments.
"I can't see Madam Pince being too chuffed with us doing jinxes in the library," said Harry.
"Maybe an unused classroom?" said Dean.
"Yeah," said Ron, "McGonagall might let us have hers, she did when Harry was practicing for the Triwizard. . . ."
"Nah" said Amy "this group isn't exactly what you'd call playing by the rules. McGonagall won't like that. Plus, we need to make sure Umbridge doesn't find out, and classrooms are accessible to anyone, we could easily be snitched on by an unwanted visitor"
"Right, well, we'll try to find somewhere," said Hermione. "We'll send a message round to everybody when we've got a time and a place for the first meeting."
She rummaged in her bag and produced parchment and a quill, then hesitated, rather as though she was steeling herself to say something.
"I-I think everybody should write their name down, just so we know who was here. But I also think," she took a deep breath, "that we all ought to agree not to shout about what we're doing. So if you sign, you're agreeing not to tell Umbridge — or anybody else — what we're up to."
Fred reached out for the parchment and cheerfully put down his signature, but I noticed at once that several people looked less than happy at the prospect of putting their names on the list.
"Anyone who wants to still be part of this group and not get jinxed will put their names down" I said
"Hold on, you can't just make threats like that!" Zacharias snapped at me. "You're not the boss of me or anyone else!"
"I'm a co founder of this group, and I agree that everyone should sign that parchment. We need security. You either sign it, or you're not joining. Right Hermione?"
Hermione didn't directly confirm this. Instead, she looked directly at the people who were hesitant. "Do you really think I'll leave this lying around?"
That did the trick. Soon enough, everyone had signed their names.
"Well, time's ticking on," said Fred briskly, getting to his feet. "George, Lee, and I have got items of a sensitive nature to purchase, we'll be seeing you all later."
We all left in our own groups, with myself, Demelza and Amy being one of them.
"That went well, in the end" I said
"Harry teaching Defense, what a story this will be in years to come" Amy said
"If we succeed that is" said Demelza "I mean, I have no idea of somewhere we could go that isn't accessible or known by the teachers, and we have to fit what, 30 plus people in there? It's gonna be a struggle."
"Chamber of Secrets?" said Amy
We stopped and I gave her my darkest and dirtiest look possible.
"You're out of your mind if you think I'm ever stepping foot in that place again" I said in a dangerously quiet voice
Amy recoiled and held up her hands
"Alright, alright, it was just a suggestion"
"Yeah, but a bloody terrible one" said Demelza "please use your head next time"
"Cheers" I said, fistbumping her.
"I've got a different idea for something we could do in the meantime though" Amy said
"What's that" said Demelza
"I want us to infiltrate the Slytherin common room, and do the greatest practical joke in history!"
We stopped again
"You really are out of your mind" said Demelza
"Yeah, how do you expect to do that?" I added
"Polyjuice potion" Amy said, as if this was the most simple and obvious thing in the world.
"Oh yeah" I said with a look of sarcastic realisation "I forgot that Polyjuice was easily accessible to us all"
"Look" said Amy forcefully "I haven't lost my head here-"
"Could've fooled us" Demelza interrupted
"Will you two just shut up and listen to me for once?!" Amy snapped, and we did just that. "I've been looking very closely at Snape's private store cupboard in our recent lessons with him. He's been very lax recently and kept it open. There's a box on the top shelf which is marked Order of the Phoenix. I'll bet you anything he's got a stock of Polyjuice in there, along with Veriterserum, poisions and antidotes, anything the Order might need potions wise"
Demelza and I laughed
"Right, so not only do you want us to sneak into Snape's private stores, but you want us to steal stuff from the Order, and use it, for what, just a practical joke? No thank you" Demelza said
"Honestly mate, Snape will start giving Harry fair grades before we get away with something like that" I said
"Alright, fine. I have the two least interesting and cowardly best mates in the world. I'll join you and go my entire life without taking any risks, sucking all the fun out of it" said Amy
"Thanks for understanding how unrealistic some of your ideas are" said Demelza, but Amy's words bought me to my senses.
"You know what, I'm in" I said
Demelza stopped again and turned to me
"You're not serious" she said
"Yeah I am. Think about it, we're about to start this illegal defense group anyway, so a little extra rule breaking can't hurt"
"I knew you'd see the light" Amy said, and now she fist bumped me. "We'll plan it tonight"
"Well leave me out of it" Demelza said, shaking her head. "Honestly, you two are hopeless..."
