Author's Note: Since the story takes place in the U.K., as said before, I thought it would make sense to do a little math and convert the amount of dollars Mr. Wormwood said in the movie to pounds. I know the numbers aren't entirely accurate, but I wanted to round them up so there's no cents.
Chapter 3
First Practical Advice
The next day, Mr. Dursley came home from work in a happy mood. "It's official!", he proclaimed. "My business' losing streak is over!"
"Well, this is a pleasant surprise, dear!", Mrs. Dursley said as she kissed her husband. "You must have made quite the profit today!"
"Did I ever!", he said. He then turned to his son. "Dudley, find a pen and paper and meet me in the kitchen. One day you'll be making your own living, so it's time you learned the family business."
The three Dursleys sat down at the kitchen while Harriet was reading another book at the end of the table.
"All right, son, write down every price I say, got it?", Mr. Dursley said to Dudley. As soon as he nodded, Mr. Dursley started listing the prices for the cars he sold. "Now the first car I sold cost 406 pounds. I sold it for 1,471 pounds. The second car cost 650 pounds. I sold it for 2,882 pounds! The third- "
"Wait, Dad, you're going too fast!", protested Dudley.
"You'll be fine, just keep writing!", Mr. Dursley said. Without missing a beat, he continued. "The third cost 86 pounds. I sold it for 1,269 pounds. And the fourth cost 1,397 pounds. I sold it for 9,956 pounds! What was my profit for the day?"
"Could you repeat the last one?", Dudley was about to say, until Harriet's voice spoke up from the end of the table.
"15,578 pounds."
Her parents look shocked, then suspicious, so she says, "You can check if you don't believe me."
When the Dursleys look at Vernon's profit paper, the answer is indeed 15,578 pounds.
Mr. Dursley's face turned an ugly shade of red as he glared accusingly at her.
"You...You're a little cheat! You saw the paper!"
"But...', Harriet protests, "that doesn't make sense! I'm all the way over here."
Indeed, her position at the table made it impossible to see the answer. But that didn't matter to her parents.
"Are you being smart with me, young lady?!", snapped her father. "Because if you are, then you'll have to be punished!"
"For being smart?"
"For being a smart-aleck!", Mr. Dursley shot back. "When a person misbehaves, that person needs to be taught a lesson!"
Something clicked in Harriet's mind. "Person?"
As he dragged her to her room, Harriet realized that her father had unintentionally given her the first practical advice she could use. He meant to say "When a child misbehaves". Instead, it was "When a person misbehaves". And therefore, Harriet was introduced to a revolutionary idea that children could punish their parents...Well, only when they deserved it, of course. And she waited until early the next morning to start.
At 6:25 on Saturday morning, Harriet quietly crept into her parents bedroom. She kept an eye on the clock on her father's bedside table, knowing she had exactly five minutes to accomplish her plan. In the bathroom next to the bed, there was the bottle of her father's favorite hair tonic that he used before he left for work every morning. Grabbing the bottle and the squeeze bottle of peroxide her mother used in her hair, Harriet set to work. First she emptied a quarter of the tonic into the sink. Then she took the bottle of peroxide and added most of it to the remaining tonic. Screwing the cap back on, she quickly gave it a couple shakes to make sure it stayed its normal color. When she placed the bottle back on the shelf, at that moment, her father's alarm clock went off. Quickly, Harriet placed the peroxide bottle back in its spot and snuck out of the bedroom just as her father was starting to wake up. Thankfully, nobody noticed her.
Thirty-five minutes later, Mr. Dursley finished his shower and was now putting the tonic in his hair. "Dudley!", he called his son. "Come into my room!"
Dudley came, looking a bit confused. "What is it?"
"My boy', he proudly said. 'Today's the day I take you to my workplace! What do you say?"
"I don't know, Dad, what do you say?", Dudley asked stupidly.
"Well', said Mr. Dursley, 'I say a businessman's appearance is the first step to maintaining a good job! After all, people don't buy a car, they buy me! Which is why I take such pride in my own looks. Well-oiled hair, clean shave, brand new suit, and there you go! Now run along and get ready for a big day of learning, son!" As Dudley leaves to get dressed, Mr. Dursley chuckles to himself. "It's gonna be a big day of learning, too! We gotta grab every customer, and take them for all they got!"
In the kitchen, Harriet prepared her breakfast of cereal, toast with butter and jam, and orange juice. She saw her father coming down the stairs, and prepared to hide her laughter. Mr. Dursley proudly strutted into the kitchen, unaware that his hair was now bleached to an unhealthy blonde. Mrs. Dursley had her back turned, so only Harriet and Dudley noticed for now. Dudley's jaw dropped in shock. Harriet bit into her toast to keep from laughing,
"Good morning, Petunia, darling! Is breakfast on?", Mr. Dursley asked.
Mrs. Dursley turned around with her husband's breakfast. "Here we are, dear-AAHHH!" As soon as she saw his hair, she shrieked in surprise, accidentally dropping the plates of food. "Vernon, I - You - W-What happened to your hair?!
Mr. Dursley looked confused. "My...hair?" He went to the bathroom next to the kitchen and looked in the mirror. Sure enough, there was a very amplified scream, following with Mr. Dursley fainting to the floor with a loud THUD!
Harriet hid her grin in her glass of orange juice. Mission accomplished. And the best part was that nobody suspected it was her doing.
