"The partially, nearly Naked Gun 3 : 'They Saved Crumpf's Brain'…"

Summary: Frank Drebbin is out of retirement and on the case when he learns the fanatical former president and loser candidate Fred Crumpf may not be quite as dead as he left him and he and/or his crazies including his family threaten the newly elected President Woodrowmina Wilson.

Of course Nordberg is no longer on the squad because of, well, we never talk about that...

Part X…

LA General…Empty patient room…

"Ahhh…" yawn. "Sorry, it's been a long day. Well, what do you think, Mr. Creed?" Ford eyeing himself in door mirror.

"No one carries the white coat look off like you…Doctor…Ford." Beam from Creed, now in security guard's uniform.

Deceased security guard's uniform.

Deceased and currently cremating in hospital waste furnace, along with the body of the doctor Ford had killed, security guard's uniform.

"Good thing they allow late visiting for family. Well, I suppose I'd better go see how my patient, Mrs. Drebbin is doing." Ford noted.

"I'll see that my rounds take me close by, in case of need…" Creed notes. "Our employer's operative here was good about leaving those passes for us. Fortunate that we had no problems there…It would be most impolitic to have to contact the gentleman then kill him to maintain our anonymity."

"Indeed, Mr. Creed. Though we are careful to make it clear that we insist on such leeway as part of our compensation. But it is fortunate not to risk giving offense to our employer. One rarely knows if one is killing a minor underling or a cherished relation."

"You have the syringe…?" Creed asked.

"Right in my pocket…But I decided to prepare two." Ford noted, patting the chest pocket of his white coat. "Seems cruel to leave Mrs. Drebbin alone in her condition, possibly for years."

"One of the negatives that comes with the advancement of medical science." Creed agreed.

"Yes, I think it's only basic politeness to see that husband and wife enter the afterlife together, I'd say."

"Sue me for being a bit sentimental about such things." Shrug.

"You're a Romantic, Mr. Ford." Creed nodded. "But your secret is safe with me. I do believe it does you credit." Sage nod.

A tap at the door…They eyed each other.
"Leave it to me…" Ford noted. "Not that I approve of social hierarchies but I am the doctor here." Creed nodding. Ford moving to door, hand in side pocket, scalpel at the ready for quick, silent action.

Oh, excuse me…" He opened to see a small girl of about ten, dark-haired, in dress.

"Hi…Doctor, Mister? Could one of you help me? I was going to use the candy machine out here? But it's too high."

"I see." Ford nodded. "Ah, well…I'm sure my taller friend Officer Creed can assist you, dear."

"Certainly." Creed smiled.

"But aren't your parents with you?" Ford asked. "It's not good for you to wander about here in a place like this in the evening. Eh, Officer Creed?"

"As a security professional, I must concur, Dr. Ford." Creed nodded solemly.

"My mom's had surgery. My auntie is with her but told me to get a candy bar from the machine. The nurse down the hall said to use the one in the hall right here." She noted.

"Well, let me assist you." Creed smiled. "Nature having kindly furnished me with the essential height. Lets go. I will catch up with you later during my rounds, Dr. Ford?" he eyed Ford.

"Certainly, Officer Creed." Nod. "Give my best to your mother and aunt, young lady." Ford smiled warmly. "I shall hope for a speedy recovery. And remember, not a good idea to go off wandering in such places at night. One never knows who one might meet." Wagging finger, with smile.

"I will, thanks." She headed out, Creed smiling after.

"Delightful child. I only hope one day I may father one myself."

"You'd make an excellent and dutiful parent, Mr. Creed." Ford smiled.

"As should you, Mr. Ford. Certainly something to consider before too much longer."

"Hello? Are you coming?" the little girl's voice.

"Right along, dear." He called. "Always nice to be able to render a service during the course of one's professional life." He noted to Ford, heading to door.

"Service to others rebounds to our credit, Mr. Creed." Ford nodded, smiling.

"No, Edna…" Hocken told his cell phone, blinking at the hysterical screaming from the phone as he stood in Jane's room at LA General at the foot of her bed. Monitors and equipment quietly humming. "I'm not with some prostitute I pretended to arrest. I'm with Frank at the hospital to see Jane before I come home. We were at Frank's award ceremony, Susie said you saw us on TV…Oh, sure, we're fine. Now, now, it wasn't really anything serious. The news people always exaggerate things, hon."

"Edna sends her best and she was worried for us…" he put hand over phone to speak to Drebbin, he and Marjorie standing by Jane's bed on opposite sides.

"Same here." Frank nodded.

"Edna? You know you don't mean that…" Ed sighed, listening. "Oh…No, no…Don't cry honey…I know you don't really wish they'd blown my guts open. Put Susie on now, would ya?"

"I'll finish this in the hall, ok?" he noted to Frank who nodded.

"Susie, you and Xavier and Jake manage to strap Mommy in?" Ed noted to phone as he went out the room door. "You used the new heavier straps? She got out last time…" door closing.

"Must be hard on him…Her condition." Marjorie noted sympathetically.

"Well, yeah. But I hear the sex is still great…" Frank nodded.

"Yes, yes…A martyr to the Cause indeed." Banner on cell as he drove a car he'd had minions deliver to the coffee shop where he'd spent a pleasant hour with the pretty young lady who'd taken over briefly as his cameraman as Derke met the abrupt end of his political career.

"Vox populi, what can one do? We'll have some sort of bizarre Nazi/fascist ritual service later. Anyway I'm headed for the airport and will take Flight 5925 to Hawaii. Have a plane meet me in two days on Maui at the private strip. Yes, two days." Slight frown.

Think I've earned a weekend in Hawaii, bastard. And I'm your superior.

"Good. How is…? Excellent. Yes, she's fine. All is well and the President trusts her completely. Yes, everything is in place. We should be able to move as soon as he's stable. Drebbin? Well, I have confidence in my contracted employees but should they fail, he's of little importance now. The distraction was all we needed. What? Yes, I booked first class…" slight fume. "Your attention to finances is appreciated but I am all the approval needed. Now see that the arrangements are complete for my return to the Lair." Glaring as he hung up.

Penny-pinching poindexter…Next he'll be demanding receipts for my meals.

I'm the man in charge, top dog…Well… For now.

Accountants. Never assign them any power. But, given the alternative for Number Two was Fred Jr…Or Evita.

"Jane…" Frank, speaking gently. "I'm here. Whatever you might have comprehended from the news the nurse thoughtlessly left on earlier, I'm all right. Ed too."

"Oh, yeah! Hey, Jane!" Ed waving from foot of the bed. "Edna sends her love."

"And this nice lady here to your side is Ms. Marjorie Bailey, the Director of Presidential Security for President Wilson."

"Hello, Jane." Marjorie, warmly.

"And look here, Jane…." Frank lifted her hand to feel his medal. "That nice President Wilson gave me the Medal of Honor tonight for a couple of things I did recently. Isn't it nice?" he gently lowered her hand to the bed.

"He was very brave, Jane." Marjorie noted.

"Well…Just in the line of duty…"

Rap at door…Ed turning to open…

"Oh, hey, doc." He greeted the man in white coat.

"Good evening, folks…" Ford, in his guise of doctor, smiled.

Though a bit distressing…He'd expected to find Drebbin alone, maybe with his friend, that Hocken fellow…

Three is a bit of a crowd…

"Ah, you must be the evening shift doctor. Hello, I'm Jane's husband." Frank smiled.

"Mr. Drebbin. O f course. I saw you on TV tonight, quite a ceremony." Ford beamed. "I'm sure Jane there is very proud."

"I hope so, though just in the line of duty, doc." Frank nodded.

"Well, if you don't mind…I'll just take a few vitals." Ford noted.

"Oh, sure doc." Frank stepped back and moved to the other side of the bed.

"Pardon me, Ms. Bailey." He excused himself to Marjorie.

"Not at all. Doctor?" she addressed Ford. "How is Ms. Drebbin?" eyeing him as he "examined" her, checking her eyes and then applying stethoscope…

"Well, sadly no change for the better…But happily none for the worse." He noted, with smile.

"I'd thought there was some signs of additional EEG activity in the traces…" she regarded him.

Is she a neurologist and a security expert, Ed wondered.

Hmmn…Ford repressed frown…These days everyone thinks a little googling and they're an expert in any field.

"I'll have a look in just a second. But I've heard no reports of unusual activity." Smile.

She gave Frank a sidelong glance…

"Marjorie? Anything wrong?" he asked. Ford moving to the EEG monitor.

Fortunately he'd done some basic review of the usual equipment for monitoring such patients…Always like to get the role down pat.

"Is he Jane's regular physician here?" she hissed.

"No, evening-shift…I don't recognize him but they rotate a lot…" he replied in whisper.

"No…No unusual activity…" Ford noted, glancing over the EEG printout.

Thought she was sooo smart…There really is nothing different…

"He seems to know what he's doing." She noted in whisper to Frank. "But I'd like to vet him with the staff. Ask me to go for coffee?"

"Care to grab some coffee?" He spoke up.

"Sure…"Ed noted cheerily.

"Well, I can go alone." Marjorie noted. "I don't want to cut short your time with Jane, Frank."

Hmmn… A touch of yearning there, my sensitive nature suggests. She likes him, Ford thought as he viewed the monitor equipment, writing notes. Bit improper, in my humble opinion, right here in the wife's hospital room. Though perhaps it's unrequited…Sad. One pictures years of pining…

Unless of course the dear wife goes flatline.

Though if she'd only go…My chance and Frank and Jane Drebbins' last gasps are seconds away. Syringes for the Drebbins, scalpel for Captain Hocken…Ten minutes tops.

"Oh, I should go with you…" Ed noted. "Not just being chivalrous, I gotta go."

Excellent…Ford beamed. With luck…No bloody mess to inconvenience the nurses…"And I'll be out of your way in one moment, just let me find these notes." He told them.