"The partially, nearly Naked Gun 3 : 'They Saved Crumpf's Brain'..."

Summary: Frank Drebbin is out of retirement and on the case when he learns the fanatical former president and loser candidate Fred Crumpf may not be quite as dead as he left him and he and/or his crazies including his family threaten the newly elected President Woodrowmina Wilson.

Of course, Nordberg is no longer on the squad because of, well, we never talk about that...

Part XXIII...

Relatively large private jet soaring above the Pacific...

I had to be so foolish...Goebbels-Banner sighed as he sat back in his seat. This is what panic does to you, you ought to know that, you, a trained and pretty damned fine neurologist, he thought.

But, I couldn't take a commercial jet, given the feds and LAPD are on to me now. And neither of our jets were available. Everyone fleeing...Excuse me, claiming they "must see the great success and pay homage"...Right. No room there, booked solid.

And the last Crumpf jet's not only repossessed, it's being taken apart by the feds to see if they can find anything...

Leaving only...This...

Well, this way at least I don't have to go partway by sub. Nice as a sea trip with Dad might be, I get seasick...

Plus...I prefer not to see the carnage of innocents Dad has to overlook in his work...I think he mentioned nine folks would have to "disappear" on this trip. And they usually can't torpedo those little boats, they use a deck gun. Not very pretty.

Still...Even that might have been better...

Sigh. As the hefty figure in suit took position in front of the cabin, microphone in hand beaming to the figures in the rows of seats...

Are those hair plugs? Goebbels-Banner stared.

Aaron Smirk...The near-trillionaire (so he says and maybe, for the moment, till one of the other fellas supplants him...Or he blows it.) "boy genius"...

"Hey, everybody, and welcome board Smirk Flight 101 direct to the Lair...As you oughta know from my many biographies, documentaries, guest appearance on TV shows, and pictures on my 'Smirk: the Future of Social Telecommunications' social media site, I am Aaron Smirk, inventor, entrepreneur, soon-to-be astronaut and colonizer/emperor of Ganymeade, the moon of Jupiter I like for a colony that will exploit the Jovian and Saturnian systems for mine and the world's...Our world's, folks..." Nod. "Benefit."

I know I'd like to send him to the moon...Bang-Zoom! Goebbels-Banner thought.

"We're all on our way to celebrate the rebirth of our good pal, Fred Crumpf Sr., former and future president of the USA who is going to colead, with me, natch, us into the bright future of rule by elite. The right sort. My kind. The sort of god-like genius that has made my success possible." Smirk noted. "With inventions that are changing the world...My Wundra...The wonder car, fuel-cell powered, self-driving (into walls, off cliffs, Goebbels-Banner thought), amphibian (or into water, which explains the amphibian need), and in the specialty edition, flight-capable (God, no, no, no! And not like you had anything to do with it but steal it from the creators and have them murdered in an "accident" after they foolishly took you on as a partner for your dough). My Smirka...The new GPS that finds you and your target and the easiest way to get to them. (Nice for when you have someone to eliminate, if it didn't announce your coming...Plus you didn't actually invent it, see the Wundra.)"

"My reusable rocket, the Aaron-100..." (Meaning ninety-nine failures and every other launch keeps blowing up on the pad, plus see the Wundra again as to actually inventing it, Goebbels-Banner sighed inwardly, pasting smile as did the several other guests.)

Paying guests, he noted. To the tune of ten thousand a seat...And I just know these "luxury seats" came out of a 727 coach section.

"And my Pay Me Pal...The account that makes sure you pay your creditors or else." Smirk smiled. "The invention for ruthless corporations, mobsters, cartel members, and dictators running paid-off politicians in other countries that began my rise to my current glory." (Invented, of course, by someone else currently sleeping with the fishes...Goebbels-Banner thought).

"Let me introduce you to each other, though most of you are well acquainted..." Smirk noted.

"From the chief cartel of cartels soon to be ruling most of Latin America as Unter-Fuehrer under our friend Crumpf...Bruno Salamanica!"

Spotlight on brutal-looking thuggish fifty-something scar-faced man in suit, seated with attractive young woman, two rows up from Goebbels-Banner, who waved it off, grimly.

"Don't be shy, Bruno...We're all friends here!" Smirk smirked.

"From Europe, the current head of Neo-Nazis, Europe, Fritz von Papenstein III...!"

Spotlight on thuggish skinhead in leather jacket...In front row, five rows up...He rising to give Nazi salute, nodding to the group. "Heil, Crumpf." He noted.

"I guess...Though we at the top just prefer to say, 'Hey, Fred'. Just kidding, folks, we all love the big guy. All hail the glop in the jar!" Smirk noted as Papenstein frowned. "Though not for long of course...We love ya, Fritz!"

"And lets not forget our ladies! Martha Washingon-Smith, a big hand for our favorite homemaker and stock swindler!"

Spotlight on Ms. Washington-Smith, a mid-fifties-ish woman who glared at Smirk.

"Just kidding...Our Martha's a great decorator...Though not my house, please...Chef. I'll pass on dinner, though Martha, thanks! Oh, that indigestion, if it's not outright poisoning. But that's what put you in the driver's seat and your hubbie six feet under." (True enough, Goebbels-Banner thought).

"And two nobodies none of us would care about unless they were in politics and keep us somewhat near equal in the House to those damned Democratic commies, a big hand for Corinne Lake Perry and Margie...What is your name? Oh, wait...Pea Yellow, right? Right. Lets not bother with a spotlight, just remember to do as you're told, ladies! We love ya!"

"The Sultan of Brunei who needs no introduction and would have you beheaded for trying if he were in his own country. But my plane, my rule, Sultan!" smirk to the Sultan's glare. "After all your nation, was last a real power in what benighted century?"

Furious glare from the Sultan and his four man, three women, seated just behind von Paperstein...

"And our other Sandman, the Prime Minister of Arabia, the one and only notorious MBI, folks, a big hand or he may have you beheaded or lured to his office and tortured to death...But not on my plane, MBI! Unless I don't like the guy or gal, either."

Said MBI having risen under spotlight to wave, frowning as he took seat.

"Representing President Putinsky and wanting his dough back from good ole Fred or else it's tea time... Gregor Novotny. Hey, Greg, I could write you a check myself, but here we all believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps, eh? Besides, Fred...Or, shall we say, the future Woodrowmina, heh, heh?...Can pay Puty back out of the Treasury. Hey..." Mock frown... "That's my dough, too. Just kidding, folks. The research alone, plus betraying our alliances, again, this time permanently...And what a joke that it'll be a Democrat, right? Ha, ha...Before she/he becomes a fascist dictator...Will be worth a hundred times the cash. Talk about making a good investment, cheap eh? Eh?" grin.

Novotny, both medical expert and top assassin, looking rather unamused.

"This house is making me wanna take a dive by parachute and leave you all to the Pacific..." Smirk chuckled. "But then I'd miss out on seeing good ole Fred again. But don't let me neglect a man who should be used to neglect on the world stage even if he would kill you for it in his own piddling dictatorship, our own beloved Rocketguy...Though your rockets can't match mine, pal...lil' Kimmer himself."

Spotlight on hefty cold-faced Kim who eyes Smirk narrowly. Bodyguards, male and female to his sides awaiting orders, though several desperately repressing chuckles.

Not yet...Given Smirk's guards in front and his pilot flying the plane...

Plus, he's got a bulletproof glass shield protecting his section and we were warned the plane is equipped with real Delta-9 nerve gas that can be pumped to quickly sealed off seat areas if anyone makes trouble.

So, we must be polite...For now...

And, after all the goal is not only a place at the table but a shot at immortality, if this craziness is real...

And what a neat way to shed a few pounds...? Or even...He eyed the most attractive of his female bodyguards/mistresses.

Hey, Crumpf's claiming to be planning it...Which is surprisingly socially progressive of him if you look at it in a certain view...And I too, might enjoy being a girl, as the song from "Flower Drum Song" goes.

"And our other great(er) Asian leader's representative, Ho Xi Chang, for President Li Peng." Smirk nodded to the Chinese agent...Who offered curt nod, eyeing Kim and his crew narrowly...

My boss don't come running like a silly clown from a rinky-dink dictatorship...

Though if our spies' last reports before their capture by the Crumpf people are correct...And that one who came back telling us she was no longer our agent but a test subject, a former elderly janitor from one of Crumpf's hotels was pretty convincing...We want in on this tech. Or at least some security from having our people replaced.

Sadly, that means I will be killed as a precaution on my return. But, till then...He took sip of the really excellent chardonnay he'd been provided...Live it up, Ho.

Not that I might not be amenable to a personal deal with Crumpf's people. They send another janitor back in my body. I get someone like Brad Pitt's?

I bet I could patch things up with either Angie or Jen...Maybe both.

Hey, it's not like I'd be betraying China...He'd have everything I'll learn.

"And last, but not least..." Smirk beamed. "One of the people who helped make this day possible...Son of our beloved Crumpf Deputy Leader Steve Banner-Goebbels...Doctor...But I'm still much smarter...Michael Banner-Goebbels. Or as he has to use for work in the US, Goebbels-Banner...Mike, take a bow!"

Spotlight on Goebbels-Banner who sighed inwardly but rose and smiled, waving slightly.

Is nice to get to use my actual name instead of the brilliantly clever assumed one...

"All right then...Lets turn up the lights and see if anyone has questions for me or Dr. Goebbels-Banner? Like, say...Are we all nuts?" chuckle.

...