"The partially, nearly Naked Gun 3 : 'They Saved Crumpf's Brain'..."

Summary: Frank Drebbin is out of retirement and on the case when he learns the fanatical former president and loser candidate Fred Crumpf may not be quite as dead as he left him and he and/or his crazies including his family threaten the newly elected President Woodrowmina Wilson.

Of course, Nordberg is no longer on the squad because of, well, we never talk about that...

Part XXXVI…

Director Bailey's office…

Seated…Marjorie, agent as guard, Frank, Ed…And Frank's invited guest and prisoner, Rory…

"No, there's no 'Susan Waison' on our staff list." Marjorie noted to Frank, eyeing Rory who offered her trademark smile.

Hocken in chair by wall, shaking head…Kid reminds me of Susie. Without the murderous intent…

"Nice work, Frank." Marjorie offering beam.

Hmmn…The Director and Drebbin?, Rory thought. That's sweet…

Wait, isn't he married to that comatose lady? Hey. That's not right. I mean yes, I kill people for a living but I don't have some sacred vow I voluntarily agreed to that I break.

Buzz… "Come…" Marjorie called.

"Director?" Sinclair and two agents entered. She eyed them… "Agent Sinclair? Anything on her?"

"Nothing on her from facial recognition check as yet…Fingerprints negative as yet." Sinclair noted.

Yes, I am good with the Yale database, Rory thought. But they take a terrible class picture anyway. I could've put a gorilla's face in my pic spot and it would have been an improvement.

"So, your organization's got you well concealed. How's about saving us all some time and trouble and talking?" Marjorie eyed Rory.

"Sure, ma'am…I love to talk. Philosophy, poetry…Literature…I just read the coolest new novel…" Rory beamed.

"Well, I'd love to discuss it sometime either at federal prison, or maybe a special military one, over the phone line at the visitor's gate, once we id you." Marjorie, drily. "But we know you were lying about being a legitimate assistant of Morene's here or at his clinic. That's not how you were slipped in and there's no other record of you in the Department. Meaning, young lady, I could have you declared a spy and shot."

"In peacetime? Sounds highly illegal, with all due respect, ma'am." Rory noted.

"We operate under quasi-military law here, dear…In case your superiors didn't tell you. I can indeed have you arrested as a spy and I could, with official approval, have you shot. Though you would have the right to appeal through representation. Military legal representation."

Oooh…Our girl's a tough cookie, Frank, Ed's nodding glance to him.

"So, who are you and what's your connection to Dr. Morene and the Crumpf group." Marjorie, coolly, to Rory.

"Or Grey Owl…Morene's other name." Hocken spoke up. "Just in case…" he noted.

"He goes by 'Grey Owl'?" Rory stared. "Nice, I guess. Well, how about you call me, 'White Dove'…" smile.

"How about I send you to interrogation, in Guantanamo, under said quasi-, and once there, fully military law?" Marjorie, coldly.

"She's good." Ed hissed to Frank who nodded but sighed.

Now she is dangerous. Beautiful, brainy, sweet…And tough as those nails you can never pull out of the wall without breaking your hammer's claw head right off.

Which, as I've learned the hard way, often leads to something getting broken…In addition to your heart.

"I think I'd rather not." Rory noted…Nervous expression. "Look, I told Lieutenant Drebbin I could lead him to Morene, if he'd let me go. The President is still in danger so long as that nut is running around, with who knows who working for him. Hey, I got past your security here, who's to say what his other guys are up to? Can't we make a deal? I swear to you I'm strictly mercenary, no allegiance to any fanatic cause. In it for the coin, that's me." Smile.

All of which regards my motivation is true enough, she thought.

"I don't make deals, young lady." Marjorie, firmly.

"You will make this one, if you want to stop Morene and his people." Rory, calmly.

Oooh…There's a nice return, Ed thought, watching. Kid's tougher than she looks.

"Tough little bitch, aren't we, under that winsome look?" Marjorie glared, folding arms. Even Rory slightly wilting under her intense stare.

Mom? Maybe this wasn't such a grand idea?

Whoa…Ed, staring.

Very dangerous, Frank sighed.

It's the waiting that's hardest when you're a parent, Lorelei reflected as she pulled her cart along the hallway, sweeping occasionally as the increasingly rare staffer swept by. Innocent smile to one or two passing…

Just your average special needs worker, doing her special needs job here, folks.

But no one said international assassin and occasional spy and kidnapper wasn't going to be easy…Though it's doubly hard when your partner is your own flesh and blood, sigh.

Can't keep this up much longer, she reflected. They're bound to do another staff check soon and the overnight staff is too small for me to remain undetected.

Though a great bunch of girls and that Mark guy on the night cleaning staff…He had me in stiches while on break.

Ah, here they come…Lets get back to it, Elsie…As the Director's office door opened and Marjorie, Frank, Ed, and three agents emerged with Rory, handcuffed, in their midst.

"I still say, it's not a fair deal…" Rory was telling the group in general as they walked past Lorelei at her cart.

"But if you'll keep to it and I get protection, ok."

Ok…Lorelei thought, nodding.

"If you lead us to Morene and if we take him…" Marjorie noted to Rory.

"We're gonna need a smaller group, you know." Rory eyed them as they halted by elevator. "Morene won't let a small task force like this near him. And he'll know I've set him up."

In any case, since he only knows me by reputation, and anything relayed via Banner from Mom…Don't think he'd really take chances with me, she did not say.

"We'll work out details ourselves, you just follow our instructions, young lady." Marjorie, grimly. "And if I decide we just need to blow your boss away, instead of taking him alive, that'll be my decision."

"Hey, fine by me." Shrug. "I've no loyalty to Morene or his guys. Wow, she's good." Rory noted to Frank. "So, you two dating yet? Though you do have a wife, don't you, Lieutenant?"

Oooh, nice one, girly, Ed thought. Yeah…Times like these one does miss the old "rubber hose" days…

"You're trying my patience, Miss." Marjorie, calmly. "Push it too far and I'll settle for putting you in that cell here or at Guantanamo and having you charged with at least attempted murder."

Agents scurrying down hall, one pausing by Marjorie… "Ma'am? A body's been found, the west wing ladies' room! Wilma Colfax from Records. No id on her. Neck broken." The female agent, nervously, eyeing Rory with anger.

Neck? Ed eyed Frank, Frank, Ed.

That little winsome little kid?…Rory catching glances offering winsome smile.

So that's who she was, right…she thought. Well, sa la vie…We all take our chances, on both sides, hon. As I am now.

"See the rechecks on all staff are completed as quickly as possible…" Marjorie ordered. "And it's now murder and attempted murder, Miss." She eyed Rory. "I'd suggest you keep any demands limited."

And with that, Elsie completes her time at the Department, Lorelei thought, closing conference room door behind her. Time to vamoose and hope my little one has taken all my lessons to heart.

Though if I have to bazooka my way back in to free her…Or pick em off one by one outside…

The Lair…

The large laboratory/conference room Mabuse had shown Goebbels-Banner earlier…A section against the back currently curtained off. The low but intense hum of equipment behind said curtain in said section. The guests milling about in the low light…Some a bit impatient now. Fred Jr. nervous in poorly worn tux, rather wanly attempting to play host, to his rather anxious sister's increasing annoyance.

Moron…Can you see Banner's running this show and if alls as fake as to Dad and his survival as I kinda hope, baring natural survival instinct, we'll just be the side course on the murder menu by this mob? She thought.

Though I could probably survive by making eyes at Kim or Salamanca…Damn you, Michael, she eyed Goebbels-Banner. Can't you see it's you I'd settle for to save me here, then use and then probably hand over to Carl's goons to kill?

I mean I am married…And Carl is a lot richer…Unless you had the balls to take over from your Dad…And, mine?

But, fine…Be the "good son". Antonio's a bit too swarthy and thuggish for me normally but he's in good shape, rich, has his own crime organization…And I hear is kinda a wuss at home with the wife, even if a ruthless cartel leader at the office.

And Mr. Ho, while nice and kinda elegantly charming in his way, is not only a little old for me, but marked for death by his own people, as a precaution, back home, so Smirk told me…Not much future there, even if he defects. I mean it may look cool and exciting on TV but in real life, defectors are usually pretty poor…We wouldn't even have the Witness Protection Program with this cheap group of Fascist Ayn Randians.

And Evita like her bling, nice an old fellow as you seem…Oh, but it's sad when a love affair dies…Next!

While Aaron, she reflected…Please, he's a prancing schmuck and everyone knows he's had work and my money's on the good ole US of A tracking down his assets to the last whatever offshore currency used by his bank in the Caymans.

And a penniless, hunted Smirk is not a funny Smirk, she eyed his trademark leering smile.

"And, now, my friends, ladies and gentlemen…Right here on this stage…" Banner, beaming. Standing by a light switch and curtain control.

"Yeah, spare us the Ed Sullivan…I make my people watch reruns of the show every Sunday, to modernize my nation, like a responsible ruler." Lil' Kim noted. "Plus, I love that Bill Dana as Jose Jimenez. Hey no offense intended, Antonio." Nod to a frowning Salamanca.

"Keep clear of that one, baby." He told his favorite female guard and potential host. "Dude looks a bit pissed and I wouldn't want you hurt." She smiling, uncertainly.

Never can be quite sure with our Leader, she eyed Kim nervously. Not hurt in general, or not hurt till he decides it would be fun to watch me being eaten by his pet crocodiles?

"We're all attention, Stevie." Smirk in his tux…Bet mine cost a hundred times yours, even if it's identical, he thought eyeing Matisse, who regarded him coolly. Evita smiling Matisse's way…

He may just be security chief for the Lair, but he does have that 40s movie Nazi elegance…

Pity incredible wealth oft fails to breed the ability to carry off an outfit, Matisse thought, slight smile at Smirk.

"Ok, then. Without further ado…" Banner pressed buttons, the curtains parted…Revealing an eerily lighted, bubbling tank against the side wall, in which, in the center, hooked up to a number of what appeared to be IV connections and various wires was a human brain…

"Eehew…" Evita, speaking for all the viewers but Banner and Mabuse.

"Oh, my God!" Fred Jr blinked. At the rolling eyes in holders at the end of rubber tubes, what were clearly optic nerves connecting them to the brain. Rolling eyes that for an instant fixed on him…

"They…We…Really did it?" he stared. "Geesh, I think he sees me…"

"Oh, most certainly…" Mabuse leered, giggling.

"He sees us?" Evita gasped. "EEHEW!"

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph…" Salamanca and several others hastily crossed themselves.

Lil' Kim surreptitiously doing so…Hey, I was educated in France.

"Just a moment…" Banner smiled to the group. Raising voice in the center of the room…"Hello, Boss. How are you? We've brought some guests in to celebrate your rebirth."

"Banner! What the hell? What are you guys doin' out there? Couldn't ya hear me?! I been calling you!" over a loudspeaker. Banner had just activated.

I must admit, I am impressed…If also wretchedly disgusted by the waste of brilliant German technology, Matisse thought.

"I don't know about this…" lil' Kim hissed to his advisory staff. "Lotta fakes and conspiracy crap out there."

"Dad?" Fred Jr. had moved to let the eyes in their holders get a better view of him.

"Is that really you?"

"Whatdaya mean?" over speakers. "Course it's me…Oh, right…Am I in that bitch's body now? What's going on? Banner?! Mabuse?! Am I drugged or somethin'? I can't grab anything on me yet, ma arms aren't working. Hey, one of you losers get me a mirror, I wanna see! Mabuse! Banner! Hey…Ya didn't hafta cut her hair off did ya? I liked her hair."

"Uh, as to that, Fred…" Banner called.