"The partially, nearly Naked Gun 3 : 'They Saved Crumpf's Brain'..."
Summary: Frank Drebbin is out of retirement and on the case when he learns the fanatical former president and loser candidate Fred Crumpf may not be quite as dead as he left him and he and/or his crazies including his family threaten the newly elected President Woodrowmina Wilson.
Of course, Nordberg is no longer on the squad because of, well, we never talk about that...
Part XXXIX…
"Grandson…" Madame Banner-Goebbels addressed Goebbels-Banner, "Come, sit by me."
"Grandmother…"the young doctor followed her to two large leather chairs in the back of the reception hall. Banner continuing to talk to the various guests, occasionally pausing to wave to them.
"So…We have saved the current Leader, eh?" she eyed Goebbels-Banner. "At least into a high-technology jar." Slight smirk.
"It's a remarkable achievement, Grandmother, however one looks at it."
"I suppose…But you must know I am not one of those particularly impressed by Herr Crumpf as our Leader. Though he did succeed in becoming American president for a time, he proved rather incompetent in the position. I know…" she smiled at him. "Such talk could be dangerous, considered almost a form of treason. But it remains the truth and an old woman may speak the truth."
"He is descended from good German genes, Grandmother."
"Bosh…Even der Fuhrer once admitted he knew there was no such thing as race, despite his personal preferences. And whatever German genes Herr Crumpf nee Drumpf back in the old country, bears, I expect they are not of the best stock. Which is hardly cause for concern…Even our Goebbels heritage could have surprising roots if we researched properly and ignored my father's attempts to conceal…" wry smile.
"Great-granddad was…?" Goebbels-Banner stared.
"He certainly looked it." She grinned. "But I do not know and any such records were long destroyed. Though I can tell you, that DNA testing…"
Goebbels-Banner blinking…
"Guys, how's it going?" Banner had come over with Fritz von Papenstein who eagerly approached the grand dame of the local Nazis to offer homage. She eyeing the young man in his leather, with tattoos running the length of his arms.
This is what we are descended to?
On the other hand, I haft seen old pictures of der Fuhrer and his comrades in the early 20s. Not really all that much difference I suppose.
"Mother. Fritz von Papenstein, our current leader of the faction in old Germany."
"Mein Frau Banner-Goebbels…" von Papenstein clicked heels, bowing and kissing her proffered hand.
Well, at least someone taught him manners at some point…She eyed him.
"Fraulein, actually… Herr 'Banner' was a passing fancy…" she smiled. "But useful for deflecting attention."
"And now you know all our family secrets…" Banner smiled at von Papenstein.
"Just as well, if I may, Madame. We would all gladly die for a true descendant." von Papenstein declared.
"That would be as foolish as my father's decision." She replied, coolly. Startling him…
"Madame? Your father's memory lives on, in our hearts."
"But not in the hearts of most. Do I shock you? To say my father Joseph was a fool to take his life? No, my young friend…I am too old to indulge in nonsense and falsehoods. Survival is always preferable, even to the martyrdom you seem to suggest. Which is only martyrdom if your memory is honored by enough. I fear my father fell short." She smiled.
"But he will be vindicated by our glorious new Leader and his success. The world will be ours, at last!" von Papenstein insisted.
"Perhaps. But only by default. Even if our Leader takes the American woman, it will be an American conquest." She shrugged.
"Well, we will cleanse Amerika! It will be purified as according to our notions!" von Papenstein, strident now.
"We shall see…For now, let me tell you. Survival is the key." The old woman nodded. "You young people get too caught up in temporary success and forget that. Plots come and go but survival is what matters. Our enemies have always known it. Survival, my young friend." She sighed. "Steven? I tire. I shall return to my room. Have Greta…She's stuffing herself at the buffet there. Greta!" She called to a young woman in maid's outfit being ogled by lil' Kim. "Call upon me there, later, my son." She nodded to Banner. Von Papenstein a bit annoyed.
Talk about a downer, lady…We're on the brink of victory. Like Hitler at Moscow, only better.
"Mother." Banner kissed her hand, bowing.
"Too direct?" she whispered, with smile to his ear. "I'm sorry to disappoint your young friend. At least this one has manners."
"Just a bit, but he should hear such wisdom." Banner whispered back. "But I do hope we shall succeed. Though I agree, survival above all."
"Good night, young man." She nodded to von Papenstein.
"A pleasure, madame." He clicked heels again.
"I'll take you to Greta, Mother." Banner offered hand.
"Where did the skinhead learn such manners?" she whispered as they walked towards the buffet and an alerted, anxious-looking Greta.
"Actually he comes from the royal family of Swabia…Grew up in a castle, if you can believe it." Banner whispered back, with smile.
"Much too good for the likes of us. He must have fallen among bad comrades." She smiled. "Greta!" to the approaching maid. "Take me to my room. Good night, my son. Wish my grandson well. You spend time with him?" Banner nodding.
"I try to, Mother."
"You should always spend time with family." She nodded and let Greta lead her to the elevator.
Von Papenstein approaching Banner… "Your mother seems to doubt our success." He noted to Banner.
"She's been through a great deal. Hard for her to believe without proof of success. And she's right, survival is always key." Banner noted quietly. "But I happen to believe this is our moment. Though one should always beware hubris, von Papenstein. Our past defeats should have taught us that." Smile… "Frank Drebbin, that bumbling fool and his eternal escapes should have taught us that."
"This Drebbin fellow…The one who…A bumbling fool?" von Papenstein eyed him. "A fool who managed…?"
"To put our Leader in his current condition, yes…Even if we managed to salvage the Plot…And yes, defeated our initial attempts to kill him. Defeated Creed and Ford, two of the world's finest assassins. And yet, yes…The man is a bumbling fool." Banner sighed. "But they say God protects fools and children."
"Not always. Perhaps you should leave him to me, should you fail again, Deputy Leader." Von Papenstein, sneering tone.
"Don't presume, Fritz." Banner, coldly. "Nor let what my mother has said lead you to doubt me or my commitment to the Cause."
"She said insulting things about her own father, our great ancestor!" von Papenstein glared.
"She spoke the truth. And you know what DNA revealed about our own dear original Fuhrer." Banner noted coolly. "We must transcend the past and learn from our mistakes, Fritz. As Mother said, in his heart even der Fuhrer knew his racial claims were largely bogus. But his principles we live by. And we can expand the old doctrines of superiority to embrace modern science for a true Master Race."
"Are you suggesting…?" von Papenstein stared.
"I am suggesting we build our Master Race on the true best, not the best of a prejudiced past who failed us. If that bothers you, Fritz, I am sorry. But it's the true road to victory."
Von Papenstein frowning… "Excuse me, Deputy Leader." He strode off in some heat.
"That one has support and powerful friends and will make trouble, my friend." Matisse, strolling over to Banner, glass of champagne in hand.
"We can't follow the past blindly, Eric." Banner shrugged. "Even a young fool like Papenstein should see that."
"Despite his appearance, he only sees his royal heritage…" Matisse shrugged. "For him, we are tools to use to restore his family to their right place. If not for us offering a quick path, he'd probably be a mainstream politician, vying for votes in a suit while sneering at his lowborn constituents as he does us. Your mother should be more careful, my friend."
"She's too old and seen too much to be 'careful', Eric." Banner shrugged.
"But to suggest, to this crowd…That her father's heritage was perhaps not all that pure?" Matisse smiled. "Could make some of these fellows, especially the more fanatic, wonder if she doesn't blacken him out of malice towards the father who never acknowledged her." Thin smile.
"He probably never knew she existed, it's only that Himmler took an interest, something to hold over his rival someday, that we had an linking. Which the blood DNA tests confirmed."
"Yes, a good thing the blood of the leaders was preserved here, even if cloning has not yet succeeded." Matisse smiled. "You owe your position to it. Apart from your own many fine qualities."
"Thanks." Drily. "And for the warning. But there's no restraining Mother and they're all used to her."
"As you say, my friend. Well, I'm off to bed. Congratulations again on a great success." Matisse offered hand. "And may you find some way to retrieve the American situation." Thin smile.
"I believe we will, soon. Good night, Eric." Shaking hand. Matisse bowing slightly and heading.
"That guy is so 40s suave…" Goebbels-Banner had joined his dad.
"And f-ing dangerous." Banner noted. "He'll be trying to use Papenstein to unseat me soon."
"Seriously? Dad?"
"Mother shot her mouth off about Grandfather again. Not that she's not entitled but it pissed Fritz off. Skinhead punk or no, our ex-crown prince of Swabia hates the notion he might be working for anything less than pure Aryan Nazi royalty. And Eric will be happy to use that and some help from Smirk." Banner sighed.
"But they're no threat to you…?"
"Everyone, no matter how small, or how stupid, is a threat, son. Frank Drebbin is the supreme lesson there." Banner shook head. "We should check on Fred…Senior…Before we head to bed.".
"And…The situation with Morene?" Goebbels-Banner asked.
"Everything we can do there is done…But he'll contact me when he can, just have to hope all goes well." Banner shrugged. "Sometimes you have to know when to sit back and let things proceed, son." To Goebbels-Banner's frown. "Morene is our best, the Killmores are the best in their field. We have people in support. They'll succeed or they won't. Best to focus on what we have here. And as your grandmother would say…Survive."
