Author's Note: The second section of this chapter actually overlaps with the second section of Chapter 199 'The End Of An Era' of Rose and Scorpius: A Forbidden Love. In that chapter, we see things from the girls' point of view, and in this one, the guys'—but I just thought I'd mention and clarify that for reference. The italicised extract at the beginning was taken from that chapter too.
Chapter 5 – Shut Up And Love Me
Janey was well aware that she had fallen for Sam, perhaps more so than any other boy she had before. And it terrified her. It scared her to feel so much that she fought against it—dismissed it, denied it, mocked it. Maybe the real reason she was so hesitant to go for it with Sam was that, unlike with all the others, it would hurt her deeply if she lost him.
"You fell asleep in his arms, Janey," Rose was declaring in a shrill voice, the morning following Sam and Janey's somewhat romantic evening together.
The girls were alone in their dorm room, a stubborn Janey refusing to admit anything less than innocent was happening between her and the boy they had all publically seen her snog, witness her confess her fierce attraction to, and then caught sleeping in each other's arms whilst the fire roared behind them.
"It was—an—accident," Janey insisted, refusing to look any of them in the eye and busying herself by aggressively filing her nails.
"How do you accidentally fall asleep in someone's arms?" Taylor asked suspiciously.
"We were tired!"
"Yes, but why were you even in his arms in the first place?"
Janey fell silent, pursing her lips, still filing away.
"You were sat on his lap," Rose pointed out a little smugly. "You were alone in the common room and you—you were sat on his lap in the armchair. The one by the fire," she said wisely, as though this made a huge difference. "His arms were around you."
"Yeah, by accident," Janey mumbled.
"Funny," Gwen piped up, "but that has never once accidentally happened to me."
"Nor me," Taylor said spitefully.
"Nor me!" Rose chimed in.
"Yeah," Janey scoffed, "like you've never accidentally been all curled up with Scorpius." As Rose's face fell into an embarrassed frown, Janey ploughed on, gaining confidence. "Like you've never run off with him in a creepy woods and accidentally gone skinny dipping."
"We—what—how did you—?" Rose spluttered, her cheeks instantly flushing with colour. "We weren't skinny dipping!" she cried.
Janey just raised her eyebrows, grateful that she now had the upper hand. The others seemed to have lost interest in grilling Janey on her rendezvous with Sam the night prior and were now eagerly keen to learn of Rose's furthered involvement with her ex-boyfriend.
"How did you even…?"
"Your clothes were absolutely sopping wet," Janey smirked, tossing the nail file to one side. "Or did you think we'd be so distracted by Bobbin's 'death' that we wouldn't notice?"
"Yes, our clothes were wet," Rose said furiously, "because we were wearing clothes, because we weren't skinny dipping!"
"Alright," Janey said coolly, "but I did notice that Scorpius' jumper wasn't wet at all. Yet his hair was."
"So?" Rose demanded, still furiously blushing.
"So, I think we can only jump to the conclusion that young Mr Malfoy was, in fact, shirtless during your little dip."
Rose didn't say anything immediately, her eyes wide, her face mortified. She exhaled, her lip twitching, struggling to form a feasible explanation. "Yeah, but—but he wasn't—we weren't—"
"Partial nudity," Janey interrupted. "That's like, half-hearted skinny dipping, but it still counts."
"We weren't—"
"Did you see his nipples?"
"Janey!"
"Well, did you?" Taylor piped up, deeply intrigued.
Rose just glared at her. She turned her fury back on Janey. "At least I didn't throw myself at him in public. In front of all our teachers and our fellow students—"
"Rose, you did actually do that once when you were dating," Gwen pointed out.
"Look," Rose snapped, her patience for their interrogation wearing thin, "we're not talking about me and Scorpius right now. And what may or may not have happened in Rosewood—"
"You saw his nipples," Taylor snorted under her breath, prompting sniggers from the other two.
"We are talking," Rose growled, ignoring them all, "about what happened last night between you"—she glared at Janey—"and Sam."
The smug girl's sniggering immediately ceased. "There is nothing going on between Sam and I," she said quietly.
"Janey," Rose said in a highly patronising voice, "last night we saw you doing everything you could to ignore Sam's blatant attempts at engaging you in any form of physical contact, we saw you flip out when he tried to hold your hand, and then we come back to the common room to find you… wrapped up in each other's arms!"
"We just… talked," Janey said weakly, blushing at the memory which, of course, couldn't be further. "It just kind of happened."
"And you're still denying that there's anything happening between you and Sam?" Gwen asked.
Janey looked away. "That's because there isn't—"
"Did you kiss?" Taylor interrupted, ever blunt.
Janey was so startled by the enquiry that she hesitated before denying it. "Obviously not," she scoffed.
"Alright," Rose said sarcastically, "let's rephrase it—did you snog?"
"No," Janey said through gritted teeth.
"But you were sleeping together!"
"We most certainly did not!"
"No, I didn't mean it like that," Rose hurriedly backtracked. "I meant... You know what I meant," she mumbled.
"What happened between Sam and I last night is between Sam and I," Janey said firmly. "And I don't want you"—she glared at them all—"or anybody else, for that matter, speculating, or assuming, or—"
"It's a bit late for that," Taylor snorted.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Janey, you do realise you were in the Gryffindor Common Room, right?"
"So?"
"So," Taylor said, "it's not exactly a private place, is it?"
Janey's heart skipped a beat. "Yeah, but, I mean… We were alone," she protested in a quiet voice. Just her, Sam, and the fire. "Nobody saw us."
Rose, Taylor, and Gwen all looked at her like she was stupid.
"Everybody saw you," Gwen countered. "Like, literally the whole house. You're lucky we were there first actually."
Janey's heart rate had quickened. "What—why?"
"Rose can be very aggressive," Taylor said wisely. "People have a lot of respect for her when she's being authoritative."
Janey just looked at the redhead in confusion.
"Look, Janey," Rose explained, looking sympathetic to the poor girl's total confusion, "you and Sam were barely at the feast—you left straight away. And then you did"—she blushed—"whatever it was that you did before, well, falling asleep by the fire. And we were, you know, concerned for you, because neither of you had come back, and you'd seemed pretty angry—"
"We thought you might have killed Sam," Taylor piped up.
"Right," Rose agreed. "So we skipped dessert and headed back to the Gryffindor Common Room before anybody else—to check you were alright."
"How did you know we were there?" Janey demanded.
"We saw Professor Roberts," Rose explained. "He was in the corridor, and he said he'd seen you and Sam and that you'd said you were going back to the Gryffindor—"
"Did he say anything?" Janey asked in a panic.
"Well, yeah—that you were going back to the Gryffindor Tower…"
"Was that all?" she gulped.
Rose cocked her head curiously. "Yeah…?"
"Right," Janey mumbled. "Good. Go on, then."
"Okay, so, yeah, we went back to the Gryffindor Common Room where you and Sam were…"
"Yes, okay," Janey said impatiently.
"But then people started coming back," Rose continued. "And, well… You and Sam, you just looked so cute and peaceful, and I didn't want anybody to disturb you so I, you know, told people not to linger and go straight to bed."
"You did what?"
"It's amazing how scary she is when she's authoritative like that," Taylor said appreciatively. "The first-years were terrified."
"You sent the entirety of Gryffindor House to bed?" Janey asked incredulously. "Just so Sam and I could…?"
"Cuddle," Taylor said sweetly.
"We did not cuddle."
"Yeah, sure, even though the entire house saw you," Taylor muttered under her breath.
Janey was back to looking mortified. "The whole house saw?" she asked in a quiet voice.
"Well, that's why I didn't let anybody stay in the common room," Rose explained. "I didn't think you'd appreciate everybody… ogling you."
"And you didn't think to wake me?" she hissed, suddenly angry.
Rose blushed again. "You and Sam looked so peaceful," she defended. "And I didn't want to disturb you. Besides, you're a very heavy sleeper."
"Rose!"
"Janey, it's not a big deal," Rose insisted. "I thought you'd appreciate it."
"But—"
"Oh, just get over it," Taylor sighed. "It's done, it's over, it's happened now. It was cute, alright? Everybody thought it was super cute."
"I don't want people to think Sam and I are super cute!" Janey protested. "I don't want people to think Sam and I are anything. Because we're not," she said firmly.
"Right," Gwen said.
"We're not!"
"Totally agree," Taylor added in a bored voice.
"We're—"
"Janey, why are you so against this?" Rose sighed.
"You and Scorpius were at his house for almost a whole hour!" Janey suddenly yelled at the unsuspecting girl.
Rose looked thoroughly shocked by the outburst. "What's that got to do with anything?"
"You went there to find the blueprint, you were gone for a whole hour, and then you came back without the bloody blueprint! Don't think we don't know exactly what you were doing," she accused.
"Stop trying to turn this around on me!"
"I'm sorry," Janey said sarcastically. "It's not nice when people grill you on your supposed romantic life, is it?"
"Janey, you know I wasn't—"
"Whatever," the blonde girl scoffed, her fuse having come to an end. "I'm not talking about this anymore." She ignored their desperate pleas as she stormed from the room in true Janey fashion.
Janey was fuming as she marched down the stairs to the common room, mortified that every single Gryffindor student had apparently played witness to what had been a beautiful and private stolen moment between her and Sam, only to find herself, as she emerged into the room, face to face with none other than—
"Sam," she squeaked.
At the sight of Janey, his eyes widened, the blush instantly creeping in, a reflection of her own face. "Morning," he gulped in somewhat of a daze.
Although they'd spent the whole night in each other's arms, and despite the closeness of their tender moment the night before, both had been hugely embarrassed to find themselves curled up in the armchair in the early hours of that morning. Janey had leapt away with such horror that you might have thought Sam had been on fire.
No words had been said, just a lot of awkward mumbling and stuttering, until Janey had promptly fled back to her dorm room, Sam retreating to his own soon after.
Janey hadn't seen him since then. Not until now.
"Morning," she mumbled back.
"I, uh, I was… going to go to breakfast," Sam said awkwardly. Static and uneasy, it was like those tender and passionate interactions had never happened.
Janey was painfully aware that those others already in the common room were watching them with beady eyes. Her mouth felt dry. "I, err, I was…"
"Do you want to join me?" Sam interrupted, looking uncomfortably hopeful.
"Alone?" Janey squeaked.
"We don't have to," he added quickly. "We can wait for the others if you want."
But the thought of being around the other Gryffin-Girls after the conversation they'd just had, especially with Sam there too, only made Janey feel more anxious. "No," she said firmly. "No, I ah… Let's go," she blurted out, grabbing for his hand and pulling him towards the portrait hole.
Sam hurried along in a daze. Janey, upon noticing people's shocked stares at the hasty hand-holding, dropped it so aggressively that she actually rather threw it back at him. "Sorry," she mumbled when he looked alarmed.
"That's… okay," Sam mumbled back.
Emerging into the empty corridor, Janey was just relieved that no pairs of eyes were on her any longer. She didn't feel at ease with Sam at the best of times, let alone when they had an audience. But things were by no means easier once they were alone in the corridor. It was incredibly tense and awkward for them both.
"So, err, so did you sleep well?" Sam politely enquired after a while of silent, awkward walking.
Janey glanced at him uncertainly.
Sam winced as he, of course, remembered. "I'm sorry," he apologised, closing his eyes in frustration at himself. "I… I forgot. I just meant—I just wanted to—"
"Sam," Janey interrupted.
"Mhmm?"
"Do you, maybe, want to… go somewhere?"
Sam just stared at her in confusion. "I thought we were going to breakfast?"
"Well," Janey gulped, "I just thought—it's, err, it's quite early for breakfast."
"Is it?" he asked, deeply confused. "Janey, I don't think it is. I mean, I'm sure plenty of other people will—"
"No, but I thought," she said slowly, clearly, "we could maybe take a detour, you know?"
"Like… where?" Sam asked, more confused than ever. He was pretty hungry, after all.
"The fifth floor," Janey gulped.
"Why would we—?" Sam stopped abruptly, his eyes widening as he realised what she was getting at. "Really?" he asked breathlessly.
Janey had that adorably shy look about her again. "The broom cupboards are pretty spacious… Or so I hear. We could"—she looked at him suggestively, peering up through her eyelashes—"loiter."
"Yeah?"
"For a bit."
Sam waited for only a couple of seconds as it sunk in. "Let's go," he said eagerly, grabbing for Janey's hand in the same way as she had back in the common room.
The pair of them ran to the fifth floor as though their lives depended on it, their hurried footsteps echoing around the cavernous stone walls of the corridors, never once dropping hands.
They completely missed breakfast.
And how can you be
Too blind to see
The girl who stands before you
Who wants you more than anything
Sam, Albus, Mason, and James were all sprawled out on the various armchairs that resided in the Gryffindor Common Room, lolling around, all looking bored and frustrated. It was the last day of the school year. They were completely alone in the common room when Rose walked in, deeply surprised.
"What are you doing?" she asked in amusement, having just returned from talking with the Headmistress. "Where is everybody?"
"Outside," James grunted.
"So why aren't you outside? I was just coming back to grab my wand and then I was going to meet you out there?"
"We're waiting for Janey," Sam sighed. Everybody glared at him like it was his fault. "She's not packed yet," he explained to Rose.
"She's not packed?" Rose repeated in disbelief. "How can she be so unorganised? How can she always leave everything to the last minute?"
"I don't know," Sam replied through gritted teeth, turning red. "I'm not responsible for her."
"Can you please tell her to hurry up?" Albus asked stubbornly. "I'm supposed to be meeting Annabel."
"Yeah, and I'm supposed to be meeting Ebony," James added sulkily.
"Well, I'm not meeting anybody," Mason said with a shrug, "but yeah, I, ah, I would like to go outside…"
"Look, I'll go see what she's doing," Rose decided. She waved a dismissive hand before hurrying up to the dorms, leaving the boys to continue their bored and frustrated lolling.
"You know," Albus piped up spitefully after a few moments of silence, "if you hadn't been off snogging Janey so much then she might have actually had the time to pack, and we wouldn't be stuck here, bored out of our minds on the last day of term."
"Yeah," James agreed, "this is my last ever day at Hogwarts—I don't want to be stuck up in here whilst everybody's enjoying the sunshine outside!"
"It's not my fault," Sam protested. "And you're not here by force! If you want to go outside then just bloody go outside."
"Oh, come on, that's not very sportsmanlike," James chastised. "We're all in this together."
"What?"
"It is your fault," Albus insisted, mumbling furiously. "It's like I said, if you hadn't been off snogging her for every bloody second of every bloody day—"
"I'm not going to apologise for that!" Sam exclaimed, feeling pretty smug as he leaned back in his chair. The same chair, he recognised gleefully, that he and Janey had spent that night curled up in together a couple of weeks ago now. The same chair they had been sat in when Janey had rather excitingly put her tongue in his mouth for the first time.
Of course, she had done it many times since then. Just not in that chair.
"Ignore him," James dismissed of his little brother. "He's just jealous because he hasn't even kissed Annabel yet."
"You don't know that's not true," Albus protested.
"Well, isn't it?" James asked, sitting up to stare at him with curiosity.
Albus just sighed. "Yeah, it is."
James leant back down contentedly.
"I'm just… taking it slow," Albus insisted. "I still miss Evangeline."
"Oh, yeah," James said with a fond smile, "she was a great snog."
Albus just glared at him. "You're married now," he reminded him fiercely.
"I know," James agreed. "And I'm very happy. I'm just saying—"
"Can we stop this?" Mason groaned. "As exciting as this talk of all the great snogs we've had is, and our girlfriends, and our wives, and whatever, it's just a little bit of a downer when you're as desperately single as I am."
"Mason, I've told you, you've got nobody to blame but yourself for that, mate!" James pointed out. "It's been—what? Two years since you and Gwen broke up? Why you haven't gotten back into the dating game is beyond me."
Mason just looked dazed. "But yeah, Gwen and I, we were… serious," he said sadly. "We were together for, like, over a year."
"Yeah," James scoffed, "two years ago."
"A year and a half," Mason mumbled.
"What—do you still want to be with her?"
"No," he dismissed easily. "No… I think it's better that we're just friends."
"Then what's the problem? You could literally, like, get with anyone."
"I don't want to be with just anyone though."
James sat up again with curiosity once more. "Who, then?"
Mason looked momentarily mortified, like he'd let slip something he really shouldn't have. "No, no… I didn't mean it like that," he dismissed with clear unease. "I just meant—it's not just about 'getting' with anyone—not just snogging—I'd rather be with someone. Properly, you know?"
"I do know, mate," James said proudly, holding up his hand to waggle his ring finger, complete with a shiny new wedding band. Mason eyed it enviously. As did Albus and Sam.
"I could set you up with Isabella?" Sam suggested.
"Your ex-girlfriend?" Mason asked with distaste.
Sam nodded.
"Wasn't she kind of a psycho though?"
Sam blushed. "No, she was just—"
"She was, Sam," James cut across.
"Well, yeah, maybe, but only when Janey was involved… I mean, excluding that, she was kind of alright."
"No offence, but I think I'll pass," Mason offered with a kind smile. "As delightful as I'm sure she is, I just think it would be kind of weird to be with someone one of us has already dated. I'm leaving Hogwarts anyway—it wouldn't work."
"No," James agreed, "you need to do what Sam did and stick with someone inside the group."
"What's that supposed to mean?" the boy in question demanded.
James looked at him like he was stupid. "You know… Janey? Short, angry, blonde girl? You might actually recognise her if you detached your face from hers every once in a while."
"Janey and I aren't—we aren't together," Sam spluttered. "Not, like, officially."
"Wait, you know what I just realised?" James interrupted Sam's desperate ramblings, looking to be deep in thought. "You have pretty much been through everybody in our little group."
"What?"
"Yeah," James went on excitedly, counting off on his fingers. "First there was Rose."
"Rose and I were never together," Sam said shrilly.
"Sam, mate, you were in love with her for, like, four whole years," James scoffed. "It was beyond a crush—you were obsessed with her."
Sam was mortified at the reminder. He'd been very pushy back in those days and incredibly and unashamedly desperate. But even the thought of being with Rose—even the thought of feeling for her how he had done for so long once more—just felt hollow. It felt wrong.
"Yes," he said weakly, "but we weren't ever together. And besides—I am really, truly, over that now."
"I should hope so," Albus said. "For two reasons. Firstly, that's a pretty douchebag move considering you've been snogging Janey for the past month—"
"Two weeks," Sam muttered.
"—and secondly, I'm pretty sure Scorpius would kill you."
"Hey," James suddenly laughed, "do you remember that time when you and Scorpius had that huge public argument over Rose a couple of years ago?"
"Yes," Sam said, rolling his eyes. "Do you remember how you attacked him when he was wandless?"
"You full-on punched him," James mumbled in protest.
"He punched me too! And besides, no way in hell is that somehow worse than you firing Stunning Spells at him when he didn't have a wand!"
"Yeah"—James frowned—"that was pretty bad."
"I thought you were okay with Scorpius now," Albus said suspiciously, not too comfortable with his best friend being ill-talked of.
"I am," Sam and James said, eerily in sync.
"So, uh, so are they actually together again?" Mason piped up curiously, nervously picking at the arm of his chair. "Rose and Scorpius, I mean."
"I don't think so," Sam said. "Not from what Janey's told me. They're… taking it slow?"
"At Rose's request, not his," Albus added. "Believe me, it's all he bloody talks about…"
"Anyway," James announced, getting back to the matter he'd previously been discussing. "As I was saying, first there was Rose. Then," he said gleefully, "there was Taylor."
Sam groaned, closing his eyes and dropping his head back. "Please," he begged, "that was a mistake. It was… the worst relationship ever."
"That's a little harsh," Albus said.
"It's perfectly mutual," Sam insisted. "Ask Taylor—she'll say the same. And anyway, we both knew it wasn't real. We both had ulterior motives," he gulped.
"Rose-related ulterior motives," James said with a smirk.
Sam and Taylor had unknowingly been on the same page when they had briefly dated back at the end of their fourth year. Rose had been on the brink of her relationship with Scorpius, and both Sam and Taylor had been insanely jealous. Sam because, as James had already pointed out, he was pretty much obsessed with Rose and couldn't bear to see her in the arms of another given how readily she'd rejected himself. Taylor, because she had been jealous of the fact that Rose had been devoting all her time to the Slytherin boy and not to her best friend and because Taylor had felt desperately alone, being the only one of her friends with no romantic involvement.
Sam had used Taylor to make Rose jealous and vice versa. Though Rose had not been attracted to Sam, constantly rejecting his advances, she had always been conflicted in her feelings towards him. Taylor had really put her to test by taking Sam away from her, and she had done so knowingly and vindictively. Sam had been all too happy to try, in vain, any attempt at making Rose jealous too, and Taylor had been more than willing.
It had been a lousy relationship though, perfectly unemotional and over pretty quickly.
"I'm pretty sure you even had a thing for Ebony once," James said disapprovingly. "If I seem to remember correctly."
Sam blushed. His attraction to Ebony Snow (formerly Darkbrow and now Potter?) had been pretty brief—a very innocent, hopeless, schoolboy crush, nowhere near on par with the obsessive one he'd had with Rose. It wasn't anything any of the Hogwarts boys hadn't been through though. Ebony was an incredibly attractive girl—to anybody who wasn't blind—and it was only natural to have a period in which to be hopelessly awestruck with her. Sam's mild 'crush' had only really lasted a few weeks. He certainly had no lingering feelings there.
"That was nothing," Sam protested. "And you weren't even with her back then. You didn't even know who she was!"
James frowned. "Yeah," he said bitterly. "I can't believe you knew her and you didn't even introduce me!" he accused. "Idiot!"
"You married her, James!" Sam pointed out. "I think it's safe to say that things worked out pretty well for you either way."
James' same smug smile was back. "Yeah," he agreed, still grinning like an idiot. "Pretty well indeed."
"Was there a point to any of this?" Sam sighed.
"Oh, yeah, right," James remembered, snapping out of his idiotic, lovestruck daze. And now you're with Janey. So, really, the only one you haven't gone for—is Gwen."
"Don't get any ideas," Mason said disapprovingly, frowning at Sam. "I'm not overprotective or anything, but that really wouldn't be cool."
"I've no interest in Gwen," Sam spluttered. "You know, no offence," he added. "And can we go back to this 'now you're with Janey' agenda?" he asked, furrowing his brow in James' direction. "I am not 'with' Janey," he said indignantly.
All three boys looked at him like he was stupid.
"Are you sure?" Mason asked.
"Why not?" Albus demanded.
"Are you an idiot?" James scoffed.
"No," Sam replied coolly, "and I'd appreciate it if you stopped calling me one."
"Sam, I'm not being funny but you are literally always snogging Janey," James said. "What the hell do you think you mean in saying you're not 'with' her?"
"I'm not snogging her now," Sam pointed out.
"Thank Merlin," Albus muttered.
"But it's… complicated," Sam said uncomfortably. "We're not, like, together together."
"Ugh," Albus groaned, "you sound exactly like Scorpius right now. Do you know how irritating this is? All day I get this 'it's complicated—we spend all day sucking face but we're not together together blah, blah, blah' crap from him. I do not need it from you too!"
"And besides," James said, "it's not complicated. You snog a lot of girls until you find the one you want to snog for the rest of your life. Then you put a ring on it and hey, you're sorted. Easy."
"If only Ebony could hear you now," Mason said drily.
"That's easy for you to say," Sam mumbled in protest, "but this is Janey."
"So?"
"So, she's impossible to read! She doesn't talk about her feelings or stuff. She never lets me know where we stand. All we do is snog," he sighed.
"Wow, that's such a tough life," Albus said sarcastically.
"Dude, I'm pretty sure, given how much time she spends attached to your face, she's kind of into you," Mason said much more politely. "Isn't it kind of obvious, given how much time she wants to spend snogging you?"
"Yeah, how many times has it been now?" James asked.
"I don't know—I don't keep count," Sam lied. "But anyway—all of that's irrelevant. This is Janey," he emphasised again.
"So?"
"So, it's not like she hasn't snogged guys before me! She's… you know, had a lot of snogging recipients. I don't think we can judge that as valid proof that she actually has… feelings," he sheepishly explained.
"Well, I've never snogged her," James said kindly.
"Me neither," Mason agreed.
"Me neither," Albus also agreed.
"Really?" Sam asked curiously, looking at James. The eldest Potter boy, pre-marriage, had basically been the male equivalent of Janey, having worked his way through plenty of girls just for a bit of a thrill. Given both of their promiscuous reputations, it seemed almost a given that they might have had a bit of a snog at some point. Nothing emotional or romantic—nothing they'd ever dwell on—but just, really, for fun.
"Not once," James confirmed. "You wanna know why?"
Sam nodded.
"Because we're friends."
The boy waited for him to elaborate, but James just smiled at him knowingly.
"Yeah…" Sam said slowly. "But so are we, and we—"
"No, Sam, you're missing my point," James sighed. "Janey has snogged a lot of guys in this school—and, hey, there's nothing wrong with that—"
"I never said there was."
"—and yet, given her reputation, those lips have never found their way to either me, Albus, or Mason. And I mean, when you consider my reputation, that seems surprising, no?"
"Yes…?" Sam said slowly, not really understanding where James was going.
"Because Janey doesn't make out with her friends," James said calmly. "That's a line she hasn't ever crossed, not even for a laugh. Not even by accident."
"So what you're saying is Janey and I aren't even friends?" Sam asked, his voice slightly high-pitched. Was James purposefully trying to hurt him?
"Yes," James said, rolling his eyes, "but not in the way you think I'm implying. You're not Janey's friend, alright?" he asked fiercely.
"But—"
"You are more than her friend, idiot! She cares for you—you mean something to her."
Sam was silenced, letting the theory sink in. "But," he said weakly, after a while, "none of those other guys meant anything to her. I'm… I'm just like one of them. Just some random guy who she can—"
"Sam," James growled, "I am going to hit you in a minute."
"Well, how do you know that's not true?" Sam demanded, angry at James' constant belittling attitude. "Okay, it is impossible to figure out what's going on in her mind—she refuses to talk about any of it. She refuses to talk about anything. It's all just snogging. And if we're not snogging then we're arguing!"
"Yes," James sighed, "because it's Janey. She doesn't know how to cope with any of this—it's new to her, it's foreign. She's probably just nervous, Sam. She's probably just scared."
"Yeah, but… I'm trying to get her to open up. But every time I get even a little bit close she just snaps and yells at me."
"That's just Janey's defence mechanism. If you make her feel vulnerable then she's going to bite back. She doesn't know anything else. She doesn't like being so open, so vulnerable."
"But I'm not trying to make her uncomfortable," Sam said in a pleading sort of voice. He couldn't help it—he felt desperate. "I want her to feel safe, and comfortable, and happy. But it's so confusing for me—never knowing where she stands, so I can't even begin to try and figure out where I stand."
"You're just different people, Sam," James said, now a lot more sympathetic than before. "You move at different paces—you want different things."
Sam frowned. That didn't make them sound all too compatible when James put it like that. Could they ever have a happy, harmonious relationship when their personalities were so different? He should have known, he supposed. Janey was feisty, stubborn, and highly guarded. Sam was the opposite—he craved the deeper, emotional, soul-bearing type of stuff that Janey feared. He wanted to open his heart up to her. He almost wanted to be vulnerable.
"But how am I ever supposed to get us on the same page when she won't ever cooperate with me?"
"I don't know," James exclaimed. "I'm not a relationship expert!"
"Stop snogging her," Albus piped up, somewhat bitterly.
Sam just stared at him. "Yeah," he said drily, "that sounds like exactly what I want."
"No," Albus said, sitting up sharply, "I'm being serious here. You want to talk—she wants to snog. She won't let you talk about stuff—you don't let her snog. See?"
"No," Sam replied. "Not at all. I like the snogging—I very much want it to continue!"
"Yeah, but you can put her to the test. Deprive her of what she wants—that's the snogging—and make it clear that she's only going to get it back if she compromises and actually talks to you. It'll drive her crazy—she'll do anything!"
Albus looked quite content as he settled back down into his chair. The three other boys were all regarding him with a sort of mild respect.
"That's a good idea, Albus," Sam praised. "With just two slight complications." His smile dropped back into a frown. "As I said before, I like the snogging, and I don't think I'd even have the willpower to stop it. And secondly—This. Is. Janey," he growled for what felt like the hundredth time during that conversation alone. "I don't give her anything she can't get anywhere else. She's gonna get bored, she'll lose interest, and then she'll just go looking elsewhere for someone to snog. Someone who didn't tell her he'd rather talk about their emotions than make out!"
Albus just scowled.
"Come on," James snorted, "give little Janey a bit of credit here. If she was just looking for a snog, believe me, she wouldn't go to you."
"Why not?"
"Because, as I said before, Janey doesn't just hook up with her friends."
"But Janey and I weren't even really that close," Sam said desperately. "I don't think either of us could have happily called the other our friend. We… hated each other," he gulped.
"And you think Janey would snog people she hated if she was just looking for a snog?" James challenged.
Sam blushed. "Well, no, I guess not. But—"
"Janey could go and snog any guy in this school!" James yelled across him, actually rising from his seat. Sam was frozen in horror as James advanced towards him, fierce and aggressive. "When are you going to understand this? She's not so insatiable, and she doesn't have so few options, that she'd spend two whole bloody weeks snogging a guy she either considered to be just a friend or who she fiercely hated."
"But—" Sam whimpered.
"Janey has been snogging you for two whole weeks because she doesn't hate you," James went on, "and because she doesn't consider you to be her friend. She has been snogging you"—James jabbed a finger into Sam's chest—"because you are more than a friend, and because her feelings couldn't be further from hatred."
"But how do you know?" Sam whined. "How do you know that I'm not just… that I'm not just—"
"Because anybody with eyes can see that!" James scoffed. Mason and Albus grunted in agreement.
"But she doesn't talk to me! If that's true then why can't she just tell me?"
James withdrew his finger so he could stand up straight and look down at Sam with incredulousness. "Because it's Janey. She doesn't know how to deal with this—she's probably never felt like this before. It's new to her, and she doesn't know how to handle it. The poor girl's terrified, so she's resorting to the only things she knows how to do. And that's snogging"—he smirked—"and arguing with you. She's so used to arguing with you, to hiding her feelings and trying to convince herself that she hates you, that she doesn't know anything else. That's all," he said more kindly. "That's all it is."
Sam just gulped. He knew it made a lot of sense, but it was still so frustrating for him. "But it's… exhausting," he sighed.
"What?" James asked innocently. "The snogging? You need to build up your stamina, mate."
"Not the snogging," Sam said, narrowing his eyes. "The not knowing where I stand with her. I don't get Janey. But I want to," he said desperately. "I want to, like, really know her. You know?"
"I do know," James said kindly. "Believe me, I know."
"But she's so closed off! She doesn't let anybody in."
"Well," Mason suggested, "have you told her how you feel? Maybe if you put yourself out on the line then it will make her feel more comfortable and encourage her to do the same."
"She never lets me." Sam pouted. "I told you, every time I get close she just snaps and yells at me, or storms off or something."
"Right, Sam," James declared, clapping his hands together, "there's an obvious solution to this, but you might not like it."
"My idea was pretty good," Albus said in a sulky voice.
"Your idea was stupid—"
"What's the idea?" Sam interrupted.
James turned back from where'd he been smirking at his brother. "You like Janey, right? You want to be with her? Properly? Not just for a snog every now and again?"
Sam dropped his gaze, the heat rising to his face. "Well," he mumbled.
"Yes or no?" James asked impatiently.
"Yes," Sam sighed, still refusing to look up.
"You're gonna have to ask her out."
Sam did look up then, very sharply. "What?"
"It's simple. You don't talk about any soppy emotional crap about where you stand or how you're feeling—you march up to her, look her in the eye, and give it to her straight. Ask her outright if she wants to be your girlfriend."
"Are you insane?" Sam yelled.
James kept a perfectly straight face. "Deadly serious, my friend."
"But—but—how is that—?"
"She'll have to give you a simple, honest answer," James explained. "She'll either say yes, or she'll say no."
"Well, you'd think," Albus muttered under his breath. "But when Scorpius did that to Rose the other week she gave some vague half-arsed, 'no labels' kind of thing."
"Yeah, but this is Janey," James pointed out. "And Sam. They're not Rose and Scorpius—it's a different situation altogether. That might work for them. But for you"—he nodded at Sam—"this is really your only choice."
"I don't think that's strictly true," Sam mumbled.
"Sam, you are never going to make any progress with Janey if you don't take some serious action. Either you spend the rest of your time at Hogwarts running off and making out with her—nothing emotional, purely physical—and bear in mind that if you do that then you're not allowed to moan about the fact that you don't ever talk about anything—or you force her into making a decision. If she says yes, hey presto, you've made progress! You might actually be able to get something a little more emotional out of her."
"And if she says no?" Sam asked frostily.
"You get over it," James said simply. "Or you go back to mindless snogging—your choice."
"If she can't even open up about the simplest of things though, what makes you think she'll actually agree to be in a relationship with me?" Sam asked.
He'd always pictured it differently. He and Janey, after their first kiss, would start to open up to each other. They would find out their likes, their dislikes, their hopes, their dreams, their fears—they would bare their souls to each other, building a strong foundation, strengthening that soulful connection they had already developed. And then, it would only make sense for them to be together. Timing would be perfect—it would all fall into place.
Subtle things at first, nothing drastic. And then, one day, they would wake up and realise that they were in the emotional place to be in a relationship and all they needed to do was make it official. Sam had had a plan, you see. A plan Janey had stubbornly compromised by refusing to partake in.
"I think you're approaching this the wrong way," James said, like he could somehow read Sam's mind. "Janey's difficult—we've all accepted that. For whatever reasons—I don't know what they are—she's not just going to open up about herself, whether that's with regards to her feelings towards you, or, you know, that kind of deeper stuff about why she is the way she is—why she's so sheltered and afraid to be vulnerable."
Sam swallowed a lump in his throat, his mouth dry.
James went on. "She's not going to do any of that until she's fully comfortable. Until she knows, one hundred percent, that you aren't just going to leave her."
"I wouldn't just leave her," Sam said quietly.
"Janey needs to know it's more than anything she's had before. It's not just snogging—it's not just physical—and that you're not just going to use her, or lose interest, or whatever it is she's so afraid of. And you need to prove that to her."
"But—how?"
"By asking her out," James said calmly. "Committing to her—proving to her you're not just in it for the snogs."
"Yeah, but if she just talked to me then she'd know that's not true anyway," Sam mumbled sulkily.
"Hey," James laughed, raising his hands in defence, "there's no use arguing with me about it. It's Janey you need to prove that to. Now, I'm not saying that by you simply asking her to go out with you, and her agreeing, will strictly mean she's just going to straight-up start pouring her heart out to you. But it'll be a start. It's the sentiment behind it. It'll be a big step—the first big step she'll need in starting to ease up around you."
Sam hated to admit it but James' theory seemed scarily accurate. But he was conflicted. He didn't exactly want to put himself out on the line like that either.
"And," Sam gulped, "if that doesn't work? If she doesn't even say yes?"
"Why are you so afraid of even asking her?" James snorted. "Surely this isn't the first time you've done it before. Didn't you ask Isabella?"
"No," Sam said slowly, casting his mind back. "I think she just kind of… decided?"
"Well, what about Taylor?"
"No, she asked me."
"Rose!" James burst out triumphantly. "You were persistent with Rose. Four whole years you went after her, she shut you down every single time, and you still didn't let that dissuade you."
"Alright, don't go on about it," Sam said, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. When James put it like that, Sam sounded like a total creep.
"If you had the balls to keep going after Rose even after all that rejection, why can't you just ask Janey out?"
"It's… different," Sam gulped. "With Rose, I knew—or at least I thought I knew—what she'd say. I was always prepared for her to say no, thinking, one day, if I was lucky enough, she might actually say yes."
"Why can't you do that with Janey?" Albus asked, confused.
"What?"
"Prepare for her to say no. That way, if she does, you won't be surprised. And if she does say yes, it'll be a huge, wonderful shock, and it'll all be fine."
Sam considered what Albus was suggesting. But there was a huge complication. "Because—" he started in a shaky voice.
"It will kill him if she says no," Mason answered in a calm, quiet voice, taking them all by surprise.
Sam just gulped. James and Albus looked to Mason with inquisitive frowns.
"It means more," Mason said quietly. "It means more to him than it ever did with"—he gulped—"Rose."
"What do you mean?" James demanded, all of them looking to Mason rather than Sam.
"He's not young anymore," Mason explained. "It's not just a stupid, childish schoolboy crush like it was before—this is real. This is serious. And that means it's going to hurt."
The boys were all silent, pondering on exactly what Mason had said. Sam spoke after a while, now feeling deeply vulnerable, his voice shaky and strained. "He's, err, he's right. Yeah."
James just nodded. "Well, Sam, buddy, the ball's in your court. You can play it safe, keep doing what you're doing—plenty of snogging but not a whole lot of talking—that same constant uncertainty. Or you can take a risk. Be a Gryffindor, be a man."
"But this is—this is Janey," Sam said in a desperate voice.
"Have you ever asked a girl to marry you?"
Sam looked alarmed. "No, of course not."
"I have," James said smugly. "I asked her to run away with me, at seventeen years old, away from her family and friends, and commit herself to a guy with a highly questionable reputation, who'd never committed to anything in his life before and who hadn't even so much as told her that he loved her."
"Yeah?" Sam breathed.
"And you don't think that was the scariest thing I've ever done in my life?" James asked sarcastically. "You don't think I was scared senseless that she wouldn't just turn me down, or laugh in my face, or something?"
"Yeah," Sam protested, "but that didn't happen."
"No," James agreed, "it didn't. But it might have. I certainly didn't know that it wouldn't when I put myself out on the line like I did. But I took that risk, didn't I? Because I knew what I wanted, and I was prepared to do anything I could to get it—even if that meant risking it all and looking like a total idiot."
"But you and Ebony—" Sam said weakly.
"Are no different to you and Janey. Trust me."
Sam still found that hard to believe. James was James. And he, well… He was just Sam.
"What have you got to lose?" James demanded.
"My integrity," Sam spluttered. "My humility, my dignity, my—"
James waved a dismissive hand. "You lost all that after countless years of publically pursuing Rose. Get over it, Sam. Could you honestly live with yourself if you knew happiness was just out of your grasp but you were too scared to pursue it? That's not very Gryffindor at all."
"It's the last day of term," Mason pointed out kindly. "If she says no then you don't even have to see her again for the whole summer. You can just… run off with your head hanging, wait for it all to blow over, and come back in September with a new confidence."
James snapped his fingers and pointed at Mason. "That," he said excitedly, "is an excellent point."
Sam supposed they had a point with that. But still, Janey was just too unpredictable. And now she had the power to hurt him—to really hurt him. He was in too deep. He would be crushed if she just rejected him now.
"So I just ask her?" he asked uncertainly. "Like, straight up?"
James nodded.
"I don't lead up to it? I don't take her hands or—?"
"No," James dismissed, "and you better do it quickly too."
Sam's heart started hammering away in his chest. "What—why?"
"Because she's coming down the stairs right now."
And the rest was history.
Author's Note: Italicised lyrics in the middle and title inspiration from Demi Lovato's 'Shut Up And Love Me'