Author's Note: Well, well, well... I bet you never thought you'd see the day this story got a new chapter upload. Not after an unexpected EIGHT-YEAR hiatus, but what can I say, I like to finish a project. I am well aware that there will likely be few people interested in revisiting this story, as we've all grown, and matured, and thoroughly moved on, but if anything, I'm doing this for me. I had a clear vision for this story, and I intend to see it through. So... here we are again.

Chapter 14 – Levels

So much to discover
Please don't stop me now

There's levels to your love
And I keep on climbing up

Janey's seventeenth birthday was fast approaching. Sam had known it was in the middle of summer, as it was her and Taylor alone within their friendship group who hadn't been of age during their excursion to Rosewood, all of the others having already turned seventeen or older. Taylor's birthday had come and gone at the end of June, leaving only Janey. The baby of the group. And yet, the loudest and largest presence, Sam thought.

It was still somewhat weird for him to think of her fondly, after almost a year of vicious denial about how he truly felt for her. Every now and again, he still felt a twinge of subconscious agitation before he remembered he was allowed to care for her. Inwardly and outwardly. He wondered if she did the same or if she had comfortably succumbed to the realisation that she was allowed to open her heart.

Being in Janey's house had opened Sam's eyes to a world he'd never known. Not one of magic and adventure but of inordinate wealth. But the insights into her home life had also been eye-opening in completely different ways. Sam's family situation was uncommon, he knew—with various step-siblings and half-siblings—but Janey's situation, as a single child of divorced parents, seemed alien to him. That massive house, all that stuff she had, but she had barely seen her dad over the summer, and Sam wasn't even sure how her mum fit into her life anymore. He had never not been in a house full of noise and warmth, and Janey's vast London property was beautiful but haunting. He could see how lonely she was, even if she didn't want to admit it, and how lonely most of her childhood must have been.

Sam was starting to understand why exactly she had put up those walls at such a young age. Why she had always been mean, and cold, and somewhat uncaring. It was all just a massive defence mechanism, perhaps to protect herself from a world that had already hurt her and that she feared would hurt her again. She was loved by her parents, but in a different way to how Sam felt loved by his mum and his stepfather. Janey had had independence forced upon her at a young age. Too young. And she had wanted to carve an identity for herself which she alone controlled—not those around her.

The days he wasn't with her, he wondered what she did—without siblings or parents who were even available. And he thought he could sense how much she craved the company of her Hogwarts friends.

Which was why, Sam realised, her birthday had to be a big deal. And he supposed, as her boyfriend, it was his responsibility. Not only was this the first time Sam would have to buy a gift for a romantic partner, he felt for sure he was supposed to be the one planning some kind of party or event—something with which he had zero experience.

The problem with Janey was that she already knew exactly what she wanted. She knew what she liked and disliked. And, quite frankly, Sam didn't have a clue.

Janey liked stuff clearly—jewellery, and technology, and clothes—but what on earth could Sam possibly buy her that she didn't already own? For starters, he didn't know anything about that kind of stuff anyway, and he was also pretty sure he couldn't afford anything Janey would be interested in.

The other alternative, Sam realised, was something not of great monetary value but of sentimental worth. Again, he was stumped. He had never had to buy a gift for a girlfriend before. He had bought Rose birthday presents, he realised, which he may or may not have put a lot of thought into in the hopes that she might be deeply flattered and realise she was in love with him…

But that had been different, he thought furiously. And besides, Rose had been easy to shop for! Rose liked books, and magic. Janey didn't seem to like either.

Sam mentally thought of the kinds of things he assumed one would buy for a girlfriend. Jewellery, chocolates, perfume… Again, Sam was sure he could not afford anything that would impress Janey, and his chances of actually choosing something she'd like were incredibly low. What he considered a nice scent, she'd probably detest. He'd probably buy her the wrong colour necklace if he dared. And knowing Janey, she'd probably be offended if he bought her food. She had always been a picky eater, he realised.

It was also a lot of pressure given that they had only been dating for a month. If it were up to him, and he was still dating Isabella, or if he'd ever gotten to date Rose, he would go full-out, Sam thought. He was the kind of guy, and they were the kind of girls who he would happily buy a heart-shaped balloon for, or a teddy bear, or a locket with their entwined initials engraved into. But Janey? She would react either with disgust or violence (or both) if he dared do anything so embarrassingly sappy.

Janey did not like romance, that much was clear. So what in the hell was he supposed to gift her that would not only impress her but show her how much he cared for her?

Reluctantly, he turned to the only person he felt he could ask for advice.

"What do you want?" Kayleigh asked suspiciously as Sam approached her in the living room one evening.

His mum, stepdad, and the twins were walking the dog. If ever he and Kayleigh were alone in the house, they certainly didn't converse, but Sam felt he had no other choice.

"Can I ask you something?" Sam asked awkwardly.

Kayleigh's legs were draped over one side of the armchair, a fashion magazine open on her lap. "Oh my God, if it's about what goes where and in what then ask Elliot or someone, I swear to—"

"Oh my God, it's not!" Sam cut her off.

First Elliot and now Kayleigh? What was wrong with this family? Life worked very differently in the Muggle world compared to the wizarding world—in many different ways, Sam was coming to realise.

"It's about Janey."

Kayleigh raised her eyebrows.

"It's nothing to do with that," Sam insisted furiously. "It's her birthday next week," he explained. "And I… don't know what to get her."

Kayleigh said nothing at first, seemingly deep in thought. Sam anticipated another sarcastic and scathing comment.

"You're the closest thing I know to a girl so I assumed you'd know what they like."

Kayleigh flung the magazine directly at Sam's head.

"I was kidding!" he insisted. "You have good taste. Probably."

"Well, clearly Janey doesn't," Kayleigh finally snapped back. "Not if she's dating you." But she was laughing beneath the hostility. It was how she and Sam had always interacted. He wondered if it were the same for biological siblings.

Sam settled himself into the adjacent armchair. "I genuinely have no clue. I've been wracking my brain for a whole week now, and I can't think of a single thing Janey would actually appreciate."

"Boyfriend of the year," Kayleigh drawled.

"Hey! I'm trying! We've only been dating for a month—I have no idea what the protocol is?"

"Hmm," Kayleigh mused out loud, actually looking as though she was genuinely considering it. "Janey seems… not like most girls."

"She isn't," Sam confirmed. "She doesn't like anything."

"Well, she clearly likes you enough."

"I'm not even so sure about that."

Kayleigh just shook her head but it seemed to be out of unintentional endearment, as though it was only fun to rip on Sam if it came from her own lips. "I would relish every moment you get with her," she advised. "Not being funny, Sam, but I feel like girls like Janey only come around once in a lifetime."

Sam was taken aback by Kayleigh's deep sincerity and her fondness towards Janey. It was unlike her to say something so sentimental. Before he could even say anything, Kayleigh seemed to catch herself and frown.

"For you, I mean," she clarified. "Janey's cool. I don't know what she sees in you. You mess this up and you're destined to be with clingy nut-jobs like that Isabella for the rest of your life."

Sam took the hit silently. What was it with everybody dragging Isabella all the time? Had she really been so bad? He supposed he'd just been blinded by how nice it was to actually have someone reciprocate the feelings he felt for them. But he definitely couldn't deny that being with Janey was worlds away from how it had felt to be with Isabella, which wasn't a slight on her, it's just that… this was Janey.

"You think Janey and I will be together for… life?" Sam asked hesitantly. Was that what she was suggesting?

"God, no, Sam," Kayleigh said quickly. "I mean, I don't know—it seems deranged to be thinking about stuff like that at your age. I just meant don't screw it up if you can help it."

"Two of my friends just got married," Sam confided in her. "They're only seventeen and eighteen."

Kayleigh looked rightfully horrified. "Don't get any ideas."

Sam smiled to himself. He felt like Kayleigh would actually get on quite well with James and Ebony, but he did realise how deranged their hasty elopement must seem to those outside of Hogwarts. Even within.

"I wouldn't dare," Sam said. "The one thing I could ever do to ensure Janey walk away from me and never look back is propose to her," he mused. Even the notion of suggesting a lifelong commitment to her. But he felt comfortable in the knowledge that they were at least on the same page for now.

Sam couldn't picture his future not as a family man—with a wife, children, a dog—and he didn't yet know whether Janey fit into that vision. But all he was thinking about right then was the next incredible year he was about to have alongside her and all their friends as they completed their final school year.

"Smart girl," Kayleigh said with a nod of approval. "Marriage is a scam."

"Our parents seem happy," Sam countered, a little annoyed. He knew his mum and dad had been happy too. Only tragedy had separated them. And he had only ever seen happiness in his mum's eyes since she'd married Kayleigh and Elliot's dad.

Kayleigh waved a dismissive hand. "Different generations."

Sam wanted to argue with her, but he also didn't want to get off track. He had sought Kayleigh out for a reason, after all. "Not an engagement ring then," he announced, although, obviously, that had never even been a fraction of a possibility in his mind. "What about other jewellery?"

Kayleigh wrinkled her nose. Sam guessed she wasn't really a jewellery kind of girl. If he'd had to describe her aesthetic it would be a kind of edgy grunge. Almost gothic but without proper commitment to it. She wore a lot of black, but she had never gone the dyed hair, face full of piercings and tattoos kind of route.

"What kind of jewellery does she like?" Kayleigh asked, trying to recover from her own immediate distaste for the subject.

Sam shrugged. "I don't know. Sparkly?"

Kayleigh rolled her eyes. "Sparkly? Most jewellery is sparkly, Sam."

"I guess."

"I meant—I don't know—is she one of those girls who's into chunky rings? Chokers? Charm bracelets? Earrings? Does she wear silver or gold-coloured jewellery?"

Sam tried to think of a single piece of jewellery he had ever seen Janey wear. He knew she wore it, he just couldn't, for the life of him, picture a single piece. And what did it matter what colour it was? "She has, uhh, big hoop earrings," he suggested, sure it was true.

Kayleigh frowned again. "In this the year of our Lord 2023? She's still wearing hoops?"

"No," Sam said slowly, thinking back. "I think that was her first day at Hogwarts…"

"When she was ten?" Kayleigh scoffed.

"Eleven," Sam corrected. He was just a little weirded out that he could even remember what Janey had looked like on their very first day at Hogwarts—the day they had technically met, he realised. Had she really made that much of an impact on him? If he'd only known then what he knew now.

"Even still, a child. This was six years ago, Sam, she doesn't still dress like she's a little schoolgirl."

"I guess," Sam said once again. Rather reluctantly, he added, "I don't think we're gonna get anywhere with jewellery."

"You couldn't afford the good stuff anyway."
"I can't afford the good stuff at all," he emphasised. "Are we forgetting that she's a freaking millionaire?"

Kayleigh emitted a sigh. "Must be nice. Please don't let her go—maybe she'll buy me some authentic Versace for Christmas, and I can stop getting knock-offs."

Sam said nothing, still in a daze. Janey's wealth, or rather her dad's wealth, was still incredibly intimidating. He feared he would never be able to satisfy her, and not just monetarily. "Ugh," he suddenly groaned, dropping his head into his hands. "Kayleigh, there is nothing I could possibly buy her that would impress her," he concluded. That was the issue he had been having on his own, and she was only cementing it.

"Okay, okay," Kayleigh said, trying to calm him. "Then let's think about things that don't need to be worth lots of money."

Sam was frustrated—he had also already come to that conclusion. "Janey doesn't do sentiment. And I'm not sure I do," he admitted. "Not… not this early in."

"There has to be something," Kayleigh sighed.

"What would you want?" Sam asked, and then felt immediately guilty. He had never actually bought Kayleigh a gift himself—not one that he'd put actual thought into. His mum usually did it on his behalf when it came to birthdays and Christmas, or else told him a specific album or something she wanted.

Kayleigh pondered the question. "New AirPods," she concluded. "Or a Versace jacket."

Sam could only assume Versace was a designer, or a celebrity, or some such, noting that this was the second time the name had come up.

"What?" he just echoed, as he didn't really know what either of the things she'd suggested were.

Kayleigh waved a dismissive hand. "I'm just making a Christmas list, don't worry. Janey's literally the daughter of a tech millionaire and probably has every designer piece she's ever wanted. And besides, that's not the kind of stuff you want from a boyfriend."

"Thanks," Sam said with a hint of sarcasm. "For the suggestions that are, then, not actual suggestions."

"Hey! You asked me what I would like."

Sam narrowed his eyes. "You knew what I meant. God, this is impossible!"

The entire conversation with Kayleigh had not been enlightening in the slightest. All it had achieved was to instil a new level of frustration within him as he still desperately tried to think of something that would impress Janey.

"What do you get the girl who has everything already?" he groaned out loud.

Kayleigh suddenly sat up sharply. "I've got it!" she exclaimed.

Sam looked interested.

"You get her the one thing she's never had."

Sam just stared at her. "Kayleigh, you just said, she already has everything—"

"Not stuff, Sam," Kayleigh interrupted. "Not like that."
"Then what?"

"You clearly mean more to her than wealth, that's obvious. She's not with you for the stuff she already has—she's with you for the stuff no one else can give her."

Sam was confused. His mind immediately went to his physical relationship with Janey. All the snogging… Thinking about what Kayleigh had initially perceived this conversation to be about, she wasn't surely suggesting that he…?

"She seems like she doesn't have the best relationship with her parents—that they've probably been pretty absent."

"Yeah…?" Sam said suspiciously, unsure where this was going. Was she expecting him to fly them in or something? Because he had no idea how he'd go about doing that, and he didn't really think that was something she would appreciate. But he was intrigued by Kayleigh's line of thinking.

"Did she ever really get a big celebration on her birthday?" Kayleigh asked. "Or did they just throw money at her?"

"I… I don't know." Sam still felt clueless.

"What do you usually do to celebrate her birthday?" Kayleigh prompted.

The guilt only intensified within Sam, even though he knew it wasn't his fault. He couldn't recall them ever having celebrated Janey's birthday before. It was always in the heart of the summer holidays so their little friendship group had never gone out of their way to make it an occasion. Janey had never arranged anything, nor implied it was something she would want, but Sam felt hopelessly guilty for the fact they had never made it a priority. He knew it wouldn't necessarily have been his responsibility, as he and Janey had barely even been friends until this summer. But, then, whose was it?

Janey loved to be the centre of attention—there's no way she wouldn't have wanted to make it a big thing. And the more Sam thought about it, the more he came to realise it had always been Janey at the heart of all their other friends' birthday celebrations, himself included. Nobody had ever returned her the same kindness, and she had never spoken out as this being something she would value, but he knew she would. He just knew it.

Perhaps Kayleigh was on to something. Perhaps Janey's parents had never really prioritised her birthday and ever really celebrated it, and that's why she herself had never pushed it as a priority—because she simply didn't view it as such. And the dedicated arrangement of celebrations for her friends was a projection of what she herself had never had and always wanted.

"We don't do anything," Sam said sadly, answering Kayleigh's pending question. "She must have felt so lonely."
"Alright, don't cry about it."

Kayleigh looked alarmed as Sam did, indeed, feel a slight welling in his eyes. Just the thought of Janey always having had to spend her birthdays alone… It hurt him a lot.

"She deserves a big celebration," Sam declared, ignoring Kayleigh's jibe. "And I was actually thinking about that," he told her, not wanting her to think he had been entirely clueless. "But I was thinking of that as a separate thing to the gift."

"Make it be both," Kayleigh suggested. "Throw her a party, invite all your friends, get a cake—"

"I can't bake," Sam said quickly.

Kayleigh rolled her eyes. "I didn't say bake her a cake—just get her one. I bet she'll appreciate it a lot."

"But I can't not get her a gift as well," Sam pointed out. "That seems like a cop-out."

"Yes, but it needn't be as big of a deal," Kayleigh explained. "You throw her a party, you celebrate her, and you get her a little something on the side. That can be a piece of jewellery, or some perfume, or something. Maybe even just flowers?"

"Flowers?" Sam echoed, feeling dumb. He'd never ever considered it. Wasn't that a Valentine's thing? Or Mother's Day? Why would Janey want flowers for her birthday?

"Girls like flowers," Kayleigh said firmly.

"Not all girls, though, surely?" Sam queried, thinking Kayleigh herself surely wouldn't appreciate them. "I don't know if Janey would be into—"

"All girls," Kayleigh repeated through gritted teeth, staring hard at Sam, "want flowers."

Sam gulped. "Noted."

Well, he thought, he could probably at least afford a nice bouquet and a cake, so that was certainly positive. He just hoped it would be enough for Janey. It all still felt a bit underwhelming. But maybe, he realised, that's because, for him, it would be. He'd never not had a birthday party, and balloons, and a cake—his mother had thrown him one since he could remember—and they'd always had a common room party whenever it was any of the Gryffindors' birthdays. So, he supposed, it had kind of lost its appeal, and all the excitement came from the individual gifts. Not that Sam particularly cared, but he could only imagine the kind of presents Janey could theoretically afford to buy him if she so desired.

But for her, the opposite was the truth. She had all the wealth, all the stuff. Maybe all she wanted was a sense of home. Of warmth, and love, and importance. And he was determined to give it to her.

"Where am I supposed to throw her a party anyway?" Sam suddenly asked in a panic.

He had never thrown any such celebration. Together, he and Janey had coordinated a party for Victory Day earlier that year, but that was almost entirely her doing. Similarly, he and the whole team of Prefects had thrown together a ball at Hogwarts at pretty short notice a couple of years ago, but his involvement had once again been pretty minor. And besides, that ball had been entirely upstaged by one Scorpius Malfoy who'd decided that was the appropriate moment to act on his growing feelings towards Ebony and kiss her in front of the entire school, Rose included. But no, Sam wouldn't exactly call himself even remotely experienced in the art of party planning.

"Here?" he suggested.

Kayleigh wrinkled her nose in disgust once more. "Ew, no, you don't want parents and kids around. You know your mum will be all up in your business."

"True," Sam conceded. "Janey's house would be perfect, but I don't think I can arrange a party at her own house."

"Bit presumptuous," Kayleigh agreed. "Especially if you're going for a surprise party."

"Should I be?" Sam wondered. "I don't think Janey would react well to a surprise party—she likes to be prepared."

"Then no, you should give her forewarning. But even still, you can't throw it at her own house. You'll have to hire somewhere."

"Oh, God, I can't afford that," Sam groaned once more. It was perfect at Hogwarts because they already had the location—they just needed decorations and booze. And they'd always had magic and James Potter for that.

"You don't have to hire an actual venue in that way," Kayleigh continued to think out loud. "But you could arrange to go somewhere, like a bar, or—I don't know, bowling? What do teens these days do?"

"You know better than I do," Sam snorted. "Being a wizard kind of takes you out of reality…"

Kayleigh wasn't a teen, he knew, at twenty-three years old, but she certainly had a better grasp on what was going on in the Muggle world.

"We can't go to a bar, though," he pointed out. "Most of us are under eighteen. Janey included."

Kayleigh frowned. "Oh, yeah. Okay, well, what does Janey like to do?"

Sam shrugged. "Dance," he said. "She managed to get us into a club once for New Year's Eve, but I don't know how comfortable I'd be with that again… She likes to sing too," he remembered. "Did I ever tell you," he recalled with a snort, "about how she put a karaoke machine in the Gryffindor Common Room in our first term as Prefects. Without consulting me, I might add. There was a stage and everything. I still don't know how she managed to get it to work, given that Muggle Technology doesn't run properly at Hogwarts and electricity isn't really a thing there." He looked sheepish. "I, uh, I might have been a bit petty and cleared it out one evening without telling her."

Sam did genuinely regret that. Yes, it had been annoying, but Janey had just been having fun. And a lot of the Gryffindors had actually enjoyed it. Most amusing of all had been James.

Kayleigh was beaming at Sam with a glint in her eyes.

"What?" he asked suspiciously.

"Sam, I think you just cracked it."

"I did?"

"Yeah." Kayleigh looked proud. "And I just figured out what you should get her as a gift too."

Sam felt clueless. But, apparently, Kayleigh thought he had somehow unlocked something ingenious, and for that, he was grateful. He vowed that, this Christmas, he would buy her a gift from the heart. Maybe some flowers.

Janey had fistfuls of Sam's hair in her grip, her thighs either side of his waist and her tongue thrust firmly into his eager mouth. Though she knew he'd admit it to no one, she could tell how exhilarated he felt by these interactions. The ones in which she fully dominated him.

This was something that had just started to happen. Not Janey's dominance in their physical relationship—she had pretty much always taken the lead, no matter how much Sam (often unsuccessfully) tried. But rather this, exact situation in which they'd found themselves.

It had all started with innocent intentions. Sam had been coming round to Janey's house a lot—they preferred the solitude that Sam's always full house couldn't provide—and he was still teaching her how to swim. It's just that, sooner or later, they always seemed to end up on the vast off-white sofa in the living room, and then… this happened.

Janey suspected that Sam preferred their furious make-out sessions to take place on the sofa rather than her bed. It felt as though there were limitations in place, despite none really existing. It wasn't exactly like anything could stop them if they did happen to want to progress any further. But perhaps it was a mental enforcement—of control.

Maybe, in Sam's mind, had they been laid down on a bed, as they had been at his own house that one time, it would take less effort for that to slowly transition into something else.

It was kind of exciting for Janey. She'd never had that kind of freedom at Hogwarts—to be able to explore a sense of sexuality with a partner in that way. She had never had access to that kind of privacy, nor, if she was honest, the desire to. She felt safe with Sam, knowing he would only ever go as far as she wanted, and that there would be no external pressure on his end. In fact, she thought she was more likely the one to even want to progress further than they were at the moment.

She felt for sure that if either of them could drive then they would be the kind of teens to take their car to a lookout and make out in the backseat.

Janey raked her hands through Sam's hair, and he emitted a small groan. She smiled to herself, still absorbed in the heavy kiss. It felt good to feel that incredibly desirable. She could feel Sam tense up, perhaps slightly embarrassed by the unexpected vocal emission, but he didn't realise how much it urged her on.

She thought back to how awkward and stilted their first few kisses had been, and how now it felt as easy and natural as breathing. She was a little annoyed that they had wasted so much time on arguing before realising that this was what they should have been doing all along. Janey couldn't describe it, but she'd never felt as strongly for any of the other boys she'd gotten entangled with as she did with Sam. If there had ever been anyone she wanted to explore that part of herself with, it was him.

But they weren't ready. She constantly had to remind herself that they weren't ready.

"Sam," Janey gasped, and she couldn't be sure whether it had been involuntary or if she actually had something to say.

Sam looked at her quizzically, dazed, their mouths no longer attached as they had been for the last ten minutes or so.

Janey wanted to snort from the unkempt way in which his hair was now sticking up at odd angles, but she knew she was responsible for it. Part of her wondered what it would be like if the roles were reversed—if Sam were to straddle her on the sofa and wind his hands into her hair…

Janey gulped. "Do you want to take your hoodie off?" she suggested in a small voice, unsure what she had actually intended to say.

"Um…" Sam looked quizzical once more. "Are you trying to undress me?" he asked. He was laughing, but a flash of alarm had certainly flitted into his eyes.

Janey blushed. "Don't flatter yourself," she dismissed, although she did always feel a small sense of aggravation whenever he put a shirt back on after their swimming sessions. "I just thought… You seem hot."

Sam looked taken aback, like she'd implied he was a gross, sweaty mess. "Janey," he said with mock seriousness, "I have the stamina to do this, don't get me wrong."

"No, it's just… It's hot," she insisted, feeling a little pathetic. "Aren't you hot?"

Sam raised an eyebrow. "Me?" he asked. "I seem to recall you telling me at the beach that I, under no circumstances, could claim that label."

Janey snorted again. "I never said it like that! I was just teasing…"

"So I am hot?" he urged with a smirk.

"You know I wasn't talking about visual hotness," she said avoidantly. "But for the record, I don't kiss uggos."

Sam wrinkled his nose. "I'm not sure about that. I've seen some of the poor souls you used to go for… Is Deneb Jacobson really all that?" He was referring to the Slytherin Keeper who had been in the year above them. He was the dark, brooding sort, who had made a big impact on most of the female population at Hogwarts, Janey included. Sam had envied him massively.

"Unfortunately, yes. But he has a very grim personality." Janey, still straddling Sam's waist, reached out a tender hand to brush aside some of the displaced hair.

"So what you're saying is that, where I fall short of Deneb Jacobson's looks, my incredible personality ensures I outrank him as a desirable partner?"

"Sure. I'll let all the girls know."

Sam subconsciously mimicked Janey's action, stroking a wayward strand out of her face. "I don't want them to know," he said softly, leaning in to kiss her again. "I'd rather stay just yours."

Janey let him kiss her again, her stomach now full of butterflies. "For the record," she murmured. "You're way hotter than Deneb."

"Oh, please," Sam snorted. "You don't have to lie to me, Janey. Deneb could grow a full beard at fifteen."

"Dark and brooding isn't for everybody," Janey insisted, still kissing him. "Some people like the boy next door."

"He was an athlete."

"So are you."

Sam smiled. "I suppose I am."

Janey gripped the side of Sam's face once more, bringing his mouth to hers and ceasing their conversation entirely. Sam showed no signs of wanting to continue it anyway.

Janey wished it wasn't so hard for her to compliment Sam; he did it all the time for her. The truth was that she did find him incredibly attractive. Beautiful soft brown curls, eyes like pools of melted chocolate, and a body that, despite Sam's self-deprecation, was more toned than you'd necessarily expect from his shy awkwardness. He was desirable to her in so many ways. Whenever she tried to compliment him, it always came out in a mean, almost mocking way. She wanted to tell him just how much she enjoyed exploring his body with both her eyes and her hands, and how she saw his face in those moments right before she drifted into sleepy oblivion at night. But somehow she could never make it come out right.

Janey felt her hands drift from Sam's hair downwards. She wanted to run her hands over his chest, but he still had two bulky layers preventing her.

Taking her by surprise, Sam suddenly had both of her wrists gripped in his hands. Janey let out a small squeal of shock.

"I can feel you trying to undress me, Janey Davington," he said with mock seriousness.

"I—wasn't!" Janey spluttered, mortified that her hands had certainly been unconsciously playing with the hem of his hoodie as though she were about to try and remove it. Maybe she had, she realised in alarm, surprised by her own boldness.

"You're insatiable," Sam teased.

"I'm not!" Janey protested, laughter bursting from her lips. "You spend all day shirtless in the pool with me and you won't even take off your hoodie when we're…" She gestured down at their bodies, lost for words. 'Snogging' just seemed childish.

"This is a firm barrier," Sam insisted, still trying to suppress a grin. "To keep you from leading me astray."

Janey knew Sam was joking, but she half-suspected, like his firmness that they never make out on her bed, it was actually rooted in him not wanting to progress beyond what he was ready for.

"You know, it's normally the guys who are trying to talk me out of my clothes."

Sam frowned, and Janey felt instantly guilty.

"I was kidding," she said quickly. She had never stripped down with anyone at Hogwarts even remotely to how little she was dressed around Sam at the beach and in her swimming pool, but it wasn't like she'd been shy with her body. Sam surely must have known that?

He made no further comment, looking deep in thought. Janey was about to say something else, perhaps to reassure him further or change the subject, but he surprised her by speaking up.

"If I take off a layer of clothing does that mean you will too?"

Janey was so surprised that the breath caught in her throat, and she felt for sure her heart had palpitated. She suddenly felt very self-conscious. Not because she didn't want to do it, but because she hadn't thought Sam would ever be so daring.

She smirked, staring into his eyes for any trace of discomfort. "You first," she urged.

Sam held her gaze as he whipped off his hoodie in one enticingly masculine manoeuvre. Part of the shirt he was wearing beneath had crept up to reveal a strip of skin where his abdomen was, and Janey fought hard not to bite her lip. It was ridiculous, she thought—the way this was making her feel. He was still entirely fully clothed, just now one layer lighter.

Without hesitance, Janey reached for the bottom of her own shirt. She was not ashamed for Sam to see her in her bra—it was no different to the bikini she'd been wearing earlier that day. It was, though, a voice at the back of her mind urged her. It was far more intimate.

"Woah, Janey, I was kidding," Sam stopped her abruptly, apparently surprised that she was actually going to go through with it. He had gone a shade of deep maroon. "I didn't—I wasn't actually—"

Janey wasn't sure if she felt relieved or disappointed.

"Don't play truth or dare with me, Tyler," she said flirtatiously. "There's not a lot I wouldn't do."

Sam gulped.

Janey kissed him again, hands back where they felt most comfortable those days—firmly locked into his hair. She already felt closer to him physically, the bulky hoodie now discarded. She liked that Sam was gaining more confidence but deep down was still a bit uncertain and overwhelmed by her own boldness.

Any awkwardness which may have been lingering soon melted away once more as he kissed her back with controlled enthusiasm, his own hands either side of her small waist, every now and again slipping down over her hips before inching slowly back up her body. Janey liked the sensation of Sam touching her body, thrilled that he was now no longer as terrified and awkward as he had been, but she still wanted more.

She grabbed his hands, now back to holding her waist. Without breaking the kiss at all, she slowly guided one of them upwards, beneath the hem of her shirt, and could feel the slight tension in his body as he realised what she was doing.

"Janey," Sam struggled to say, not wanting to stop kissing her but seeming like he wanted some kind of verbal clarification on what she expected from him.

"Just relax," Janey murmured into his lips, still leading his hands.

Sam obliged, but she could sense his uncertainty.

Janey had been wearing the prettiest, silkiest underwear she owned all that summer so far, just in case she happened to find herself in a situation where someone (Sam) might happen to see it. She was certainly glad that, although he seemingly wasn't ready to see her in it, she was wearing it that evening so he could at least feel it.

Sam was probably the first guy she'd been with who hadn't been desperate to unclasp her bra and cross those boundaries, which she supposed was nice. Would she have been upset had he wanted to progress as quickly as all the others? Was it nice to actually feel respected?

Janey didn't have too much to offer in that department, not compared to some other girls her age, but she knew her body didn't disappoint. And Sam, despite initial hesitance, didn't seem at all dissatisfied. His hands felt somehow both strong and gentle at the same time, and his uncertainty about what he should or shouldn't be doing was clear but endearing.

"I can take it off," Janey murmured, certain Sam wouldn't ever take the initiative if left to his own devices.

"You—what?"

"My bra," Janey explained, before adding with a smirk, "For better access, you know."

"Jesus, Janey." Sam withdrew immediately, and Janey couldn't help but frown. What on earth had she done wrong? She had thought, unsure as he might have been, that Sam had actually been enjoying this new progression. She certainly had.

"Janey, I have zero experience with girls," Sam explained, smiling despite his flushed complexion, perhaps sensing she was about to get offended.

Janey was pouting. "But—"

"It's not about you," Sam clarified, like it was a pre-learned script. "It's about me." He took a shaky breath. "I'm… new to all this. And it's going really fast, and—"

"It's fine," Janey assured him. "You don't have to explain anything. You're just setting a boundary… We won't do that again."

If that was what Sam wanted, so be it, but Janey would be lying if she said she understood in the slightest why Sam was the one who wanted to assert those boundaries.

Sam grinned at her. "No, no," he insisted, "we absolutely will be doing that again."

Janey cocked her head.

"I just, ah, only feel comfortable taking one big step at a time."

Janey resisted rolling her eyes. This had absolutely never happened before. Normally it went from kissing, to snogging, to getting felt-up all in the space of maybe ten minutes of the first time she hung out with a new guy, but Sam seriously wanted to take it that agonisingly slow?

Either he exerted the most self-control of any teenage boy to ever exist or she just simply wasn't desirable to him in that way?

"You're incredible," Sam murmured, drawing Janey's attention back to him. He was grinning from ear to ear, something of deep admiration glinting in his eye, and Janey felt herself blushing. As if to answer her unspoken question, she had suddenly never felt more desired by anybody else. Just in an entirely different way.

"You're a weirdo," she said quietly, a small grin breaking out too.

Sam kissed her again, a light peck, and the butterflies were back. Janey wondered when, if ever, she would cease to feel them.

Sam ran his hands down either side of her arms like he was trying to keep her warm. "So," he announced, and Janey was wary of what he was about to say. She wondered if she should dismount or remain straddling him. He didn't seem to have any complaints.

"It's your birthday next week," Sam went on.

Janey blinked in surprise. It wasn't what she had expected him to say at all. She regarded him with suspicion. "Yes…?"

"And I was wondering," Sam continued, still grinning, "if you had any plans…"

Janey was completely taken aback. They had never made a big deal about her birthday before—never even really celebrated it. She had no idea Sam even knew about it, let alone that he would have actively been thinking about it.

"I—no," she stuttered. "I mean, my dad is taking me for dinner the day after but… I don't have any plans on the day itself."

A look of sadness flitted in Sam's eyes.

"He has to work," Janey said quickly, not wanting him to express any kind of pity. It wasn't a big deal.

Sam locked his fingers through one of her hands and gently stroked her knuckles with her thumb. "If I were to… arrange something," he said delicately, "would you be interested?"

Janey felt giddy. "Arrange something?" she echoed. "Like what?"

"Just something small," Sam said casually, looking like he was sitting on a wealth of knowledge only he possessed.

"You don't have to do that," Janey dismissed.

"What if I told you I already had?"

Janey could not suppress her grin. It was so entirely unexpected. "I don't need a big deal being made. I'm happy just being by myself. Or… with you," she said suggestively.

Sam frowned again. "Nobody should be alone on their birthday, Janey," he said with seriousness.

Janey wanted to shrug, but she resisted. "But, I mean, if you've already arranged something," she said, ignoring his comment. "With the others?"

"Of course. Everybody's down if you are. But if you don't want to do anything…"

"I'm listening."

Sam was still stroking her knuckles, and neither of them could suppress their smiles. Why was it that this felt more intimate than what they'd been doing barely five minutes ago?

"Okay, so what if it involved getting all dressed up?"

"Mhmm," Janey said thoughtfully, eyes bright.

"And going to Brighton?"

"Brighton?" This had taken her by surprise.

"And dancing."

"Dancing?" Janey echoed. She couldn't see how this would appeal to anybody other than her, least of all Sam. But if they'd already all agreed? She was incredibly intrigued.

"And singing?"

"Singing?" Well, now she was completely clueless and even more deeply curious. "Are we going to be part of a flash mob or something?" she teased.

"Absolutely not."

"Is it a concert?" she guessed.

"Not quite."

"Not quite but close?"

"Oh, there will be performances. Just absolutely not of that high a calibre."

Sam's uncontained grin was maddening, but Janey couldn't help but match it. Just the fact that he had even put any thought into her birthday meant the world to her, and the fact that he had seemingly gone to so much effort to arrange something meaningful, even if she didn't have the slightest clue what it was, was beyond comprehension to her. Not once had her parents thrown her any kind of party or event for her birthday—they had only ever just taken her for a meal at a fancy restaurant. Janey hadn't even seen her mum in years. She received a card and a cheque, and that was all.

"That is infuriatingly ominous!" she protested.

"Just say yes or no," Sam urged, revelling in the power he held over her in that moment.

"But I don't know what I'm committing to," Janey pointed out.

"Well," Sam said, still grinning, "you'll just have to trust me."

Janey held his gaze. She wanted to snog the life out of him again, but she feared they were done for the evening and Sam would take his leave again. She always felt hollow whenever he left. It was a little frightening how quickly dependent she had come to be, but she didn't want to think about that right then.

"I trust you," she said warily, contradicting herself.

"Excellent," Sam declared. "Can't wait."

He kissed her softly, and Janey wanted to laugh. She really hadn't expected that at all, and the anticipation of what was to come on her birthday was already driving her crazy. Just one more week.

Just as she had expected, Sam announced his intentions to head home.

Janey tried not to come across as needy and plead with him to stay a little longer, so, instead, she said nothing, and slowly untangled herself from him. He started to look around in confusion.

"What are you doing?" Janey remarked, just as confused.

"Looking for my hoodie," Sam said idly as his eyes continued to scan the room.

From the corner of her eye, Janey saw a grey sleeve poking out from beneath an end table behind where Sam was standing.

"Do you need it now?" she queried. "I can look for it and bring it back to you tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Sam echoed, looking back at Janey once more. "Are we seeing each other tomorrow?"

Janey shrugged, feeling stupid. "I don't know…"

Sam came to meet her in the middle of the room. Janey peered up at him with shy eyes. He was so much taller than her.

"I would love to," he said, answering a question she had never asked, and before she could say anything else, had pulled her into an embrace.

Janey's head aligned perfectly with where his heart was beating deep within his chest and could hear the muffled thumping.

As soon as Sam had left, Janey retrieved the hoodie from beneath the table. It was nothing special—just a plain grey hoodie with a marl effect. One of the ends of the cord was frayed. Janey buried her face in it. She hadn't realised Sam even had a particular scent, but the folds of fabric smelt like him. It wasn't anything she could possibly describe—probably just a combination of laundry detergent and his deodorant.

When Janey got ready for bed that evening, she slipped the hoodie on over her pyjamas. Predictably, it was far too big for her. She wrapped her arms around her body, and for one brief moment, it felt as though Sam was hugging her.

The next day, Janey told him she had searched for it but hadn't been able to find it.

Author's Note: Title and epigraph inspired by Nick Jonas' 'Levels'

A lot has changed since I last updated this story in 2016. I wrote almost all of my fanfiction as a teenager over a decade ago, and I am now in my late twenties, MARRIED (very humorously enough, to a man called Sam!), and as a result, my writing style might have more maturely shifted. Hence the update from a T to an M rating. Most of the story is not going to be particularly explicitly graphic, and I will always include a warning at the start of each chapter that contains mature content, but it seemed better to update the rating because of the noticeable difference between this story and my former work. I wanted to finish this project with the same storyline I had always envisioned and in the same writing style I had always used, but I am less wary and naive about exploring more mature themes and adjusting my writing to accommodate this. I actually revisited this project a couple of years ago with the intention of completing it, perhaps not even for publishing but more for my own sense of accomplishment, but I figured I might as well go ahead. As I said previously, I am well aware that my core audience will have since moved on, but for anyone who does happen to be reading this, whether a former reader or a new one, thank you for spending even a little bit of your time in my world. If all goes to plan, I will be uploading a new chapter every Sunday. But to apologise for an eight-year absence and to entice you back into the story, here's three new chapters.

It would mean the world to me if you would let me know what you think in a review.

All my love
~ Ever