Chapter 24 – Starving

The more that I know you, the more I want to
Something inside me's changed

I was so much younger yesterday

"I need your help."

Jinx looked at Janey with curiosity. She was maybe half an inch taller than the other girl, but seemed like she was sizing her up for some reason. "Pregnant?" she asked after a while, a playful and almost impressed smile on her lips.

Janey just rolled her eyes. "Jesus, Jinx! The opposite!"

Jinx looked taken aback. "What on earth is the opposite of pregnant?" she drawled, deeply confused. "Infertile?"

"Just let me in," Janey demanded, feeling frantic. "Please," she added after a while, noticing the girl's raised eyebrows.

Jinx didn't budge, still staring at Janey from within her doorway, arms stubbornly folded. "How do you even know where I live?" she asked curiously.

"I asked Ebony."

Jinx cocked her head. "Huh," she said in amusement. "Fine then. But how'd you know I'd be in?"

"I didn't," Janey confessed, as she gratefully followed Jinx into her house, "but I'm really glad you are."

"Juliette?" a voice called from within, and before Janey could even really process the consideration that there might have been another person home, a taller, older version of Jinx appeared from within the depths of the house. The similarities were truly remarkable.

Arietta Capella was taller than both Janey and Jinx by a fair few inches, but she had the same dark complexion and hazel eyes as the girl Janey had since learnt was her half-sister. It was clear Jinx took after her mother—you wouldn't have suspected her and Janey were related at all, other than, perhaps, their nature as people.

Arietta had long hair twisted into braids that fell to her waist, strands of emerald green woven throughout. Her lips were the perfect cupid's bow, her eyebrows immaculate, and her skin taut and youthful save for the ever so slight creasing in the corner of her eyes. She looked phenomenal, and she was dressed in the kind of attire familiar to those solely raised in the wizarding world—dark robes with long sleeves and slightly pointed shoulders.

Janey felt immediately awed and intimidated.

"Who's this?" Arietta asked her daughter, her shining eyes never looking away from Janey. She looked as though she recognised something in her, but she and Janey had never met.

"I'm so sorry," Janey squeaked. She addressed Jinx. "I didn't even think that anyone else would be home."

Why would she? Her own house was always abandoned, after all.

"This is Janey," Jinx explained, answering her mother's question. "I wasn't expecting her,"

"I'm sorry," Janey apologised, speaking to Arietta, completely mortified.

The older woman's perfect lips spread into a knowing smirk, and it felt like Janey was being sized up by her. "Janey Davington," she drawled, looking impressed, and Janey suddenly realised why she was looking at her like that. "How is dear Rupert?"

Janey went red.

Jinx looked at her mum with distaste. "Mum, seriously? Leave Janey out of this."

Arietta looked at her daughter with the same playful smirk, her eyes lighting up. "What?" she asked innocently. "I'm not trying to blame the girl for her father's mistakes—I'm just curious."

"My father's an arsehole," Janey said confidently, not wishing to shy away from any such interrogation. She also didn't want Jinx to defend her or for her mum to think Janey supported what her dad had done to their family. "It's okay," she said casually when Jinx looked like she was about to argue. "I'm not proud of how he treats people. Women," she specified, looking at Arietta apologetically.

"I'm sure I'm just one of many," the former Slytherin said. Her tone remained cool and collected, but her eyes were shining with warmth as she regarded the offspring of her former lover.

"If it's any consolation," Janey said brightly, "his second wife has just left him and is fighting for the yacht as part of the settlement."

Arietta continued to smile. "Is that so?"

"It's his favourite asset," Janey said sweetly. "Or, at least, it was."

"Well, that is somewhat satisfying. A small comeuppance in an unjust world."

Janey felt guilty. It's why she hated hanging out with her friends outside of Hogwarts. At Hogwarts everyone was equal. It didn't matter if you came from money or not, whether you were Muggle-born or pure-blood, or what house you were in—at least not on a level Janey had ever felt. She knew some of that stuff had been a pressure for people like Rose, Scorpius, and James. But Janey felt her privilege on the outside. How could she not?

How was it fair that she had gotten everything that Jinx had been denied. Jinx hadn't gotten to grow up in luxury with a silver spoon in her mouth like Janey had—and why not? They both shared the same father; they both had half of his genes comprising their bodies. But Janey, as the legitimate child of her father's marriage at the time, was the one who had the wealth and the security that a life like hers had always offered. Jinx and her mother had no other choice than to struggle on their own.

"What brings you to Spinner's End?" Arietta asked curiously.

"Yeah, that's what I'd liked to know too," Jinx said, her attention back on Janey. Jinx's hair was braided identically to her mother's, even down to the strands of green. Janey wondered if they did it by hand or used magic to achieve the style. She knew the colour at least could be changed without effort.

As Metamorphmagi, they could completely manipulate their appearance, so why choose to look so similar?—Janey wondered. Although, to be fair, Arietta was stunning, whether biological or not, and it wasn't a surprise Jinx wanted to mimic that. Janey, similarly, had always envied the way her own mother had looked, blonde and glamorous.

"I, uh, it's a personal matter," Janey said in a small voice, looking to Jinx with panic. She really, really didn't want to say what she'd sought Jinx out to speak about in front of her mum.

But Arietta seemed to sense the girl's unease. "I was going to step out to visit the apothecary anyway, I'll leave you girls to it."

She kissed her daughter on her cheek, and Janey noted the sleek black nails on her fingertips as she placed her wand in her pocket.

Janey's own mother never wore black, and always favoured French tips for her manicures. The two women seemed physically to be at opposite ends of the spectrum. It was almost a credit to her father how little he discriminated between the women he slept with, Janey thought, but realised that wasn't necessarily a selling point of her father's respectability.

"It was a pleasure to meet you, Janey," Arietta said with a sincere smile before she departed.

"You too," Janey said, and she meant it. Yes, she was a little intimidating, but Arietta Capella was an intriguing woman, and Janey instantly had a lot of respect for her.

"Sorry about that," Jinx said, with a slight rolling of her eyes, once her mother was out of the door. "She can't help herself."

"I hope she doesn't hate me," Janey said, worried once more. "I know my dad's a prick, and I hate what he's done to your family. I've tried to speak to him about it," she insisted, but Jinx just held up a hand to dismiss the topic.

"It's fine, Janey," she assured her, "but tell me why you're here?"

Five minutes later, Janey was sitting on Jinx's sofa with a steaming mug of peppermint tea in her hands. The Capellas' house was significantly smaller than Janey's, but it had the same kind of comfort she always felt at Sam's. A lot of the furniture was similar to that of the Slytherin Common Room—sleek black leather and expensive-looking instruments from a world Janey still felt alienated from. You could tell it was a witch's house. The Potters and the Weasleys' respective houses had managed to strike a balance between that of magical and Muggle, but Jinx's home felt in harmony with the world Janey knew at Hogwarts.

It wasn't surprising given that Spinner's End housed an entirely magical community. Where others would display CDs or board games, Jinx's interior showcased racks full of potion ingredients, cauldrons, pestles, and various candles. Magic was open and exposed in their house. Janey wondered what that childhood must have been like.

"Why did you think I was pregnant?" Janey asked with a weak smile.

Jinx regarded her with a knowing smirk. "I didn't actually think you were, but given how panicked you looked…" She shrugged. "You never know."

Janey's stomach knotted, and she took a sip of her tea as she planned what, exactly, to say next. "I'm not pregnant," she said confidently. "I'm actually having a hell of a period right now."

"I could whip you up a potion for menstrual cramps," Jinx offered sympathetically.

Janey just stared. "That's a thing?"

"Sure. Trust, me and my mum have perfected it to the point where I think we should sell it, it's that good."

"Why the hell don't they teach us that in Potions class?" Janey asked, furious.

"Misogyny," Jinx said brightly. "Or, I suppose, rather, male ignorance. I'm sure if Rowena and Helga had been in charge of the syllabus we'd be learning way more interesting and useful stuff. But, you know, Hogwarts doesn't really evolve."

"Hmm," was all Janey said.

"Wait, is that what you meant when you said you were the 'opposite of pregnant'?" Jinx snorted.

"Duh," Janey said. "Not pregnant, obviously. Very definitely not pregnant."

"But it's about Sam, isn't it?" Jinx didn't break her gaze, and Janey felt like she was staring into her soul.

Janey instead looked down, embarrassed. She built up her courage. If she couldn't ask Jinx about this then who could she? She was her sister, after all, and she was way cooler and more mature about this than any of her Gryffindor friends. "Have you and Albireo ever been…"

Jinx raised her eyebrows.

"Intimate?" Janey finished, too embarrassed to look at Jinx directly, so instead staring at her tea like it was the most fascinating thing in the world. She could feel the other girl smirking though.

"I knew it!" Jinx said gleefully, completely taking Janey by surprise. "I knew you and Sam were doing it!"

At that, Janey looked up at her, aghast. "What?" she spluttered.

"I knew it!" Jinx repeated, almost cackling with delight.

"How did you—what do you even—we're not!" Janey said furiously. "I mean…"

"Your birthday," Jinx said knowingly. "I could see it in your eye. Merlin, you were practically drooling over him; there was so much sexual tension I thought you'd sneak out and start shagging in the loos right there and then."

It wasn't often that Janey was the one uncomfortable by another person's open and uncouth speech but she was shocked by Jinx so casually and seemingly comfortably talking like this. Maybe that's just how it was with the Slytherins though.

Well, Janey thought, as mortifying as it was, at least there was no discomfort about broaching the subject. Jinx had happily put it all out there. Far more insensitively than Janey would have.

She wasn't ashamed of the subject—she had specifically sought Jinx out to talk to her about this, after all—she was just surprised by how quickly and how elatedly she had engaged with it.

"My birthday," Janey echoed weakly, still embarrassed. "We hadn't…"

"No?" Jinx asked, deeply intrigued.

"But that night…"

"Yeah?"

Janey said nothing. She just sipped her tea.

"That's great!" Jinx squealed. "It was only a matter of time—I could tell. If you weren't already then I knew you were on the brink. It was so obvious."

"It was?" Janey repeated, panicked. God, had everybody else known how supposedly on the precipice of ripping off Sam's clothes she had been that night? It was true, she had felt a physical urge unlike any other before, but what Sam and her had done hadn't been premeditated at all. At least not consciously. But if Jinx had been able to sense their supposedly palpable sexual tension…

"I'm pretty sure I have a sixth sense for this kind of thing," Jinx said wisely. "I knew it with Ebony and James too. Didn't know it with Bobbin and Roberts," she said thoughtfully. "That took me by surprise."

"Oh, please," Janey laughed, "that was obvious, are you kidding?"

"I guess I thought they were too old and it was too gross."

"They're human too, I guess."

"Still gross to think about. They're, like, forty."

"Real great sixth sense with James and Ebony though," Janey said sarcastically. "The newly eloped couple. Who would have ever thought they'd be hooking up?"

"Shut up," Jinx protested. "I meant before they were even official. I knew she was seeing someone, and I knew she was way more into whoever it was than she was with Scorpius. Which, by the way—I also saw coming."

"Ebony wasn't exactly subtle in her pursuit of Scorpius," Janey pointed out. "I told Rose right from the start that I didn't trust him with her in Prefect meetings."

"No, but I knew he would eventually go for her too."

Janey just shook her head. "Okay, fine, you're some kind of relationship seer—can we get back to my dilemma?"

"Dilemma?" Jinx repeated. "I didn't realise there was a dilemma?" She was back to looking intrigued, and Janey felt self-conscious once more.

"It's not... a dilemma," Janey said delicately. "It's just—this is all new to me. And I gather that for you"—she gulped—"it's not."

"You're assuming I'm not a virgin?"

"Are you?" Janey asked in surprise.

"Of course not."

Janey just cocked her head, confused.

"So Sam is your first?" Jinx asked, directing the conversation back to Janey and sounding a little surprised.

Janey blushed. "Well… yeah. I haven't really been in a more serious relationship before this one. It was never quite what I wanted," she explained.

Jinx looked thoughtful. "That's fair enough. I knew you dated a lot, so I just assumed…"

"I was sleeping around?" Janey finished for her, bitingly.

"No," Jinx said quickly. "And even if you were, it doesn't matter."

Janey relaxed slightly.

"I thought most people were doing it," Jinx explained. "They are in Slytherin anyway. Ebony and Scorpius were always the odd ones out, but I guess they're both 'hopeless romantics' or whatever."

Janey was starting to feel more at ease. She knew she hadn't been wrong to think that people at Hogwarts were hooking up, but her group of friends seemed to be behind in those developments, and Sam had made her feel like it was some huge step—whether intentionally or not. It was comforting to hear Jinx speak about it all so casually and free of judgement.

"When did you and Albireo first...?" But Janey didn't know how to finish the sentence. 'Hook up' seemed childish. 'Be intimate' seemed too reserved. Anything else seemed crude or too personal.

"Sleep together?" Jinx finished for her, and Janey cursed herself for not having said it herself.

"We were fifteen," Jinx answered, and she spoke calmly and matter-of-factly.

Janey couldn't help but raise her eyebrows, and then tried to correct herself when she realised she had.

"I know," Jinx admitted. "We were young, and we should have waited until it was legal."

"Yeah, but it's not like… I mean, you were both underage," Janey assured her. "It wasn't like anyone…" Again, she felt she could not say the words out loud.

"We still should have waited," Jinx said firmly. "I care for Alby deeply, and I'm lucky we've had such a safe relationship and a deep connection, but it could have been different, and it wasn't smart. We should have waited," she said again. "I don't regret anything," she quickly assured her, "but it wouldn't have changed anything if we had waited until we were sixteen—so we should have."

Janey couldn't even imagine having been ready at fifteen. She had been dating guys, obviously, but the thought of physical intimacy at that young an age seemed unsettling. She supposed Jinx and Albireo had been dating for a couple of years at that point and had already established a trusting relationship where they felt safe with each other. Janey wondered whether, if she and Sam had been together at that young of an age, they would have done the same. It seemed unlikely given how huge a step it felt even at seventeen years old, but it was all new to them anyway.

"But how did you even know he was the one you wanted to… you know… explore that with," Janey asked awkwardly. "Losing your virginity at fifteen—even if you had been dating for years."

"Oh, I didn't lose my virginity to Albireo," Jinx said in surprise.

"You didn't?" Janey asked, even more surprised.

"Then who—?"

Jinx didn't answer straight away, as though she might have held some regret for whatever she was about to say next. "Deneb," she admitted after a while.

Janey was shocked. "Deneb Jacobson?"

"How many other Denebs do you know?" Jinx asked sarcastically.

But Janey was truly stunned. She hadn't known Deneb and Jinx even had any kind of past relationship, let alone one of that nature. She had known he'd hooked up with lots of girls at Hogwarts before and after she herself had dated him, but she hadn't known Jinx was one of them. In fact, she hadn't really known about Jinx's dating history outside of Albireo at all.

"I had no idea you and Deneb even dated," Janey said eventually, once the shock had died down.

"We didn't," Jinx said delicately. "We slept together once, and we've made out a few times when Alby and I have been on a break, but I'm done with all that."

Janey felt nauseous. "When did you even…?" Jinx and Albireo had been together since Second Year after all, and if they'd slept together for the first time at fifteen then when on earth had she and Deneb slept together?

Jinx let out a long sigh. "I was fifteen," she reassured Janey, although it didn't work at all. "Alby and I had a really bad breakup, and I thought we were done for good, so I sort of… sought Deneb out over the summer before Fifth Year." The girl looked sheepish. "I'm not proud of it," she admitted. "It was dumb and vindictive."

"Geez," was all Janey could say.

Something steely glinted in Jinx's eyes. "I don't regret it," she assured Janey again. "Losing my virginity to Deneb. He was a fantastic shag—he knew exactly what he was doing."

"You were fifteen," Janey said, surprised by how fierce her tone was.

Jinx just stared at her. "So?"

"And Deneb's in the year above us. So presumably he was sixteen." It wasn't a question.

Jinx held Janey's condemning stare for a while before saying in a quiet voice, "It wasn't like that. I pursued him. I gave him my full consent."

Janey wanted to protest—to argue that they both knew fully well that that's not how it worked, but what good would that do? Jinx didn't deserve to be shamed for her past, and as disgusting as Deneb was, nobody had been hurt. Janey felt confident he'd never be in their lives again. He was gone from Hogwarts, after all. Still, she felt fiercely protective of Jinx all of a sudden, and even more nauseated by the thought of Deneb Jacobson.

"It wasn't right," was all Janey could say in a small voice, because she knew it was true and she needed to know that Jinx knew that too.

"Maybe not," Jinx admitted, "but it doesn't matter now, does it?"

Janey could hear in her tone that there was no point arguing about it. So she said nothing, but urged Jinx to continue her tale with her eyes.

"Deneb had a reputation for sleeping with Slytherin girls—people wanted to lose their virginity to him." Jinx looked disgusted herself as she explained. "And when we broke up, I heard that Alby had slept with another girl himself, so I went to Deneb out of spite. I obviously knew him well, so it wasn't awkward, and he absolutely did know what he was doing."

Janey just raised her eyebrows. She had no doubt about Deneb's sexual prowess. It was a well-known bit of Hogwarts gossip. She was just grateful she hadn't been one of those girls, no matter how much Jinx seemed to be boasting about the experience.

"It was a good shag," Jinx said with a shrug. "No regrets. I mean, I obviously wish I hadn't done it to spite Alby—but I didn't know we'd get back together. And I think because we'd both slept with other people there was no reason to not start sleeping with each other. I mean, again, it would have been better if we'd all been sixteen, but I can't change the past."

"He really slept with someone else?" Janey asked in shock, thinking how casually okay Jinx seemed to be with it. If she and Sam ever did something like that—temporarily breaking up and sleeping with other people out of spite—she'd be devastated. She wasn't sure she'd ever feel comfortable going back.

"Yeah," Jinx said sheepishly. "But I'd be a hypocrite to complain, wouldn't I?"

"But since then?" Janey said warily, not sure she wanted to hear the answer.

"We don't ask and we don't tell," was all Jinx said, and Janey once again wondered how she could be okay operating in a relationship like that. But she didn't criticise or query. It wasn't her relationship, after all.

"I'm surprised Deneb didn't try it on with you," Jinx said after a while, bringing the conversation back to Janey once more. "I thought the two of you dated?"

"We did," Janey admitted, shocked by all she'd learned about Jinx's past. The Gryffindors really were a sheltered bunch. Even James now looked tame in comparison—losing his virginity to the girl he'd married at eighteen. "For a month or so, but it wasn't serious."

Janey still felt uncomfortable thinking about her relationship with Deneb. She had naively tried to form more of a commitment to him and give a go at a real relationship—the first term of her fifth year. A few months after he had slept with Jinx, she now realised. But he had been unfaithful, more interested in trying to pursue Rose after she and Scorpius had broken up. He had never shown her the respect she deserved, and Janey was embarrassed that of all the guys she'd been with it had been him she had attempted to become more emotionally involved with. It still hurt. She felt like a fool, and that's why it was so hard to let Sam in sometimes. She was still burnt from her last attempt to be more vulnerable.

"Yeah," Jinx said sympathetically. "I don't think Deneb's ever really taken anything too seriously."

"He never pressured me," Janey said thoughtfully, unsure whether she should feel offended. Why, if Deneb had been sleeping with so many other Hogwarts girls, hadn't he pursued Janey in that way? Was she not as desirable? She knew it was wrong to feel slighted, but she did.

"I mean, it's not like we didn't do stuff," Janey gulped, because God knows she'd been a lot more free with her body with Deneb than anybody else before him, but she obviously hadn't gone all the way with him, nor had he ever really tried to encourage her to do so.

"Well, you were at Hogwarts, weren't you?" Jinx pointed out,

"Yeah?" Janey said, unsure what Jinx was getting at.

"So you couldn't have gone any further—because of those charms?"

"Oh my God," Janey said, delighted. "I knew it!"

Jinx just snorted.

"So there are anti-sex charms?" Janey asked, giddy at actual confirmation of something she had always suspected.

"Well," Jinx laughed, "I mean, it's not ever been confirmed by anyone official, has it? But come on, we all know there's something suspicious going on there. Impotence can't be contagious, and with hundreds of teens going through puberty every year you'd think there'd be at least one surprise pregnancy. No one I've ever known has been able to do it. Not even Deneb."

Janey felt ecstatic with this knowledge but then immediately concerned. "Wait, so… all the times you've been with Albireo have been—"

"Out of Hogwarts, yeah. And Deneb too—I met him at a hotel, if you can believe it! He had a whole system going." She rolled her eyes, almost fondly.

Janey was still unnerved by that whole relationship and made no comment. But she had another realisation. "So Sam and I…"

"Are on a time limit," Jinx finished for her once more. She regarded Janey with curiosity. "When you turned up here, you said you needed my help. With what, exactly? If you're sure you're definitely not pregnant," she teased.

"Very much not so," Janey confirmed. "I think my uterus might actually be angry that I'm not."

"I'll make you that potion," Jinx said kindly.

"I just wanted advice," Janey admitted with a slight gulp. "Because I thought, of all my friends, you'd be the one who did have experience."

"I'm not sure whether I should be flattered by that or not."

"Well you've just told me how completely casual this all is with the Slytherins, and look at my group of friends," Janey said disloyally. "You know Rose isn't going to let Scorpius touch her until marriage. And James actually did wait until marriage! But it's not like I'd ask him anyway."

"You know the spells, don't you?" Jinx asked kindly, un-swayed by Janey's comments. "You trust Sam, and he seems like he'd never hurt you. So go for it. Have the summer of your life. It's clear you both want to, and it's healthy to explore this side of your relationship."

Janey was immensely grateful for Jinx's assurance and was glad she'd decided to have this conversation with her. "But there's a bit more to it than that," she confessed.

Jinx listened politely.

"The evening of my birthday, we went back to my house and we… I asked him to sleep with me. And he completely freaked out."

"Men are threatened by confident women," Jinx declared savagely.

"I don't think it was about that," Janey said, amused. "I'd thought we were on the same page—that he wanted it as much as I did, but I think he's just the only guy at Hogwarts who's not obsessed with sex."

"I think Hogwarts kind of screws with us in that sense. Don't be put off by that at all—it's a weird, almost shameful thing projected onto us without our knowledge or consent. Slytherin is a lot more sex-positive," she advised. "We talk about it a lot as students because the sex education is so dire."

"Well, we tried," Janey continued, "after he calmed down, but it was really awkward and tense, and I feel like I… I pressured him into it." Janey could feel herself getting worked up and was ashamed to hear the quiver in her voice.

"Did you talk about it?" Jinx asked.

"Eventually," Janey confessed. "He kind of stormed out in the middle, and we didn't speak for the next day. And when we met up at the beach last week, we talked about it, and he said he did want it but he was just nervous, and I don't know if he's just being polite or—"

"Sam would tell you if he wasn't comfortable," Jinx assured her. "I honestly think it probably took him by surprise because of the Hogwarts charms, and you've only just started dating, after all. It's a big step."

"It wasn't for you," Janey pointed out.

"Well," Jinx considered, "not for me and Alby. But that's because we'd already slept with other people, and we'd been dating for almost three years, and been best friends since we pretty much started at Hogwarts. This whole relationship is completely new for you and Sam—of course it's going to feel like a big step."

"Do you think we should wait?" Janey asked.

"Honestly?" Jinx said. "No. Not if you're both comfortable. You've got barely a month left before we go back to Hogwarts for Seventh Year. I think you should make the most of it whilst you can, and I honestly think it will strengthen your relationship. He's crazy about you, Janey," Jinx said with deep sincerity. "I've never seen anyone care that much about planning their partner's birthday. He really wanted to make it special for you."

Janey's heart beat rapidly, but she felt immediately sad. "And then I ruined it," she said.

"I don't think so. Not if you spoke about it afterwards? Where did you leave it?" Jinx asked.

"Well," Janey sighed. "A week ago, when we met up at the beach, we spoke about it and kind of said we'd give it another go."

"Yeah?" Jinx asked, a knowing grin on her face.

"But then my dad came home, and I've kind of been using that as a reason for why we can't see each other. Plus, I got my period, so I didn't really want him to think I was making excuses or anything. It just seemed better to keep my distance for a while. But Daddy left a few days ago again and I still haven't told him," she admitted sheepishly. "I want to do it but now I've built it up in my head so much, and I don't know what to do. It was so spontaneous the first time—I didn't have all this anxiety and anticipation."

"Are you just worried it will be awkward?" Jinx asked kindly.

"I guess," Janey admitted. "Or that he won't enjoy it again."

Jinx looked suspicious. "He didn't enjoy it at all?"

"Well, I mean, yeah, he obviously enjoyed it," Janey said knowingly, "but he left before we even finished. It was kind of humiliating."

"I think he was just embarrassed," Jinx assured her. "It wasn't anything you did wrong. You just need to communicate, which, yeah, can be a bit awkward, but it will be better in the long run. You invite him round," she said, "after your cycle's done, obviously. And you talk about it, and you do what you're comfortable with, and if you're on the same page and you're doing it and somebody changes their mind then you stop and you communicate, and you re-evaluate, and you try again next time—if that's what you want. It doesn't have to be perfect."

"But it shouldn't be that complicated, surely?"

"It's not complicated," Jinx said. "It will feel right when you're doing it, I promise you, and you won't be so in your head like you are right now. And if it doesn't feel right then you stop and you talk about it. Sam will respect that. It won't be awkward, because he cares about you, alright? And you care about him."

Janey thought about it. She knew Jinx was right, and she knew Sam would be nothing but respectful, and polite, and just as nervous as she was. But the more she was delaying even seeing him, the harder she was making it for herself. She knew she didn't have to jump into bed with him as soon as she saw him again, but she also very much kind of wanted to. And what if it was all just as horribly awkward as the first time? Or Sam had changed his mind?

"Don't set any expectations," Jinx said firmly, as though she could read Janey's mind. "It's always awkward at first."

"Is it though?" Janey asked sceptically, because from what Jinx had said she didn't seem to have ever had any qualms about her sex life.

"Look, it was only so good for me because Deneb had a lot of experience," Jinx said reassuringly. "He was very good, and calm, and confident, and I had a great time! He put me completely at ease, and if I'm being honest, did most of the work. If it had been someone else—Albireo even—then we would have both been in the same boat and awkwardly figured it out together."

"But it wasn't like that," Janey pointed out. "You both only slept with one other person one time before you hooked up, and it still wasn't awkward."

"Alby and I were completely at ease with each other," Jinx said, kindness shining in her eyes. "We'd known each other since we were eleven."

"So have Sam and I!" Janey said shrilly.

"We were friends since we were eleven," Jinx corrected, and Janey said nothing. "And we were comfortable with each other physically—with our bodies and stuff—before we went all the way. You and Sam have only been physical at all with each other since the last couple of months."

"Do you think we're going too fast?" Janey asked in a panic.

"Absolutely not," Jinx assured her. "And anyway, there's no right or wrong—it's different for every couple. Yours and Sam's story is different to mine and Albireo's," she said confidently. "And James and Ebony's. And Scorpius and Rose's."

Janey felt mildly reassured, but she was still anxious with anticipation at how her next interaction with Sam would go. She knew she couldn't delay him forever. She missed him too much.

"I guess you're right," she conceded. "I just want it to be good, you know? I don't want him to regret anything."

"And he won't," Jinx said kindly. "Nor will you. I wasn't lying when I said your chemistry was off the charts. You've got something really special, and this is just a natural progression for a relationship. Communicate," she emphasised. "Always."

"Okay," Janey said with a shaky breath. And then she offered Jinx a grateful smile. "And thank you, by the way."

"No problem." Jinx smiled back. "And I was serious about that potion. I might have a bit from the last batch left over actually. Let me grab some for you."

She returned, handing Janey a small vial of a liquid that smelt like strawberries but looked, alarmingly, a little too much like blood for comfort.

"And hey," Jinx said, when Janey had thanked her and been walked to the door, "I'll have to have a word with Ebony about giving out my address!"

The phone only rang for two tones before he answered.

"Janey?"

"Hi," Janey breathed, immediately comforted by his voice. It had been two days since Janey had gone to Spinner's End, and twenty-four hours since her period had ended for this cycle.

"I wasn't expecting you to call," he said, warmth radiating across the miles that separated them through the speaker of the phone.

"My dad's gone," was all she said in response.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. He left this morning," she lied.

"That's good! I mean, not good, but—I mean—I missed you a lot, and I—"

"Sam," Janey interrupted.

"Yes?" he asked breathlessly.

"Would you like to come round tomorrow evening?"

A silence hung on either side of the phone, both of them breathless with anticipation. They both knew what Janey was really asking. After a while, Sam said, "Your dad's really gone?"

"For the rest of the summer."

Sam audibly gulped.

Janey didn't realise she was holding her breath.

"Of course," Sam said in a soft but confident voice.

"Really?" Janey asked, trying not to sound either nervous or eager.

"Of course," Sam repeated.

"Great," Janey said, her voice several octaves higher than normal. "I'll… I'll see you tomorrow then."

Author's Note: Title and epigraph inspired by Hailee Steinfeld's 'Starving'