Author's Note: M rating for language

Chapter 31 – Happy

I could stand by the side
Watch this life pass me by
So unhappy
But safe as could be

So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?

I just want to be happy

Janey was sitting at the end of the garden away from the rest of the group, perched on a fence that overlooked a field that stretched as far as the eye could see. The sun was starting to set, casting a romantic lavender haze across everything it touched. People always thought she liked to be the centre of attention, and often she did—because it gave her a sense of confidence and validation—but she relied on stolen moments like this where she could separate herself from the crowds and just be. It was in those moments that she felt most like her—something she rarely shared with anyone.

They'd had a nice day, she reflected. They'd had a raucous game of Quidditch, and she'd been surprised by how much she missed it. Harry Potter had even complimented her Seeking abilities, and though she wasn't as awed by him as she gathered most of the people her age were, given that she only really viewed him as James and Albus' dad, she knew what an honour it was coming from his lips. Ginny and Gwen had been having an animated discussion about the Holyhead Harpies and her new role as Quidditch Captain, and it had struck something melancholic within Janey as she'd seen how excited Gwen had looked at the prospect of pursuing a career in Quidditch.

In just one week's time, they'd be returning to the castle for their final year. And then everything was going to change. It was already going to be completely different without the presence of James, Mason, and Evangeline. It was going to be weird to openly allow herself to show her fondness for Sam and act like a real couple with him. He had been—not avoiding her as such, for the rest of the afternoon—but keeping a keen and obvious distance away from her that she knew was purely to prove a point to Harry.

Janey wanted to cling to her youth, and her life at Hogwarts for as long as she could, because she knew it would never be the same afterwards. She would not get to spend every day sharing a room with her closest friends, playing Quidditch, studying together, hanging out in the common room or by the lake, or embarking on weekend trips to Hogsmeade. They would not be dining together for three meals a day, or throwing many more of their renowned, epic parties. She would once more be back in that huge empty house she was supposed to call home but that she now realised never had been.

Would they keep in touch with her, she panicked. What would become of the Gryffin-Girls as they all embarked on the next chapters of their lives? Gwen was going to pursue Quidditch, Taylor wanted to pursue law within the Ministry, and Janey wasn't sure Rose even knew which direction she'd be headed in, but she knew it would certainly be within the magical community. And Janey knew, just as surely, that she didn't want that.

She longed for the stage, for the flashing cameras, and she knew nobody else in her life got it. Not even Sam.

Sam, she thought, with an ache in her heart. Her hand subconsciously went to the pendant around her neck—the one Sam had gifted her for her birthday and that she had worn religiously every day since. Where would life post-Hogwarts take him? If they were to stay together, which she really hoped they would, what kind of future could they possibly have? Janey wanted to stay in London—to network, to audition—but Sam showed a clear distaste for the city. He would no doubt return to Nottingham to live with his family, and then what? She didn't even know what kind of career he might want to pursue, but she strongly doubted he would run in the same circles as she had set her sights on.

All of this left her with a twisting knot of anxiety and melancholia deep in the pit of her stomach. She did not want to squander the last year she had—those last precious, fleeting moments—feeling sad about the fact that it would be over soon, but how could she fight those thoughts when they would always be burrowed at the back of her mind any time she allowed herself to enjoy the moment whilst it lasted?

Just then, Janey felt a presence behind her, and she was certain it would be Sam.

"Mind if I smoke?"

Janey turned to look at James with deep surprise. She broke out into a smile when she identified him. "I thought you were Sam."

"I should be so lucky," James replied with a deep, flattering grin of his own.

Janey tried not to fight the impending sense of dread that had started to creep in as she'd realised she was beaming in James' presence. She honestly did not know how she would cope without his constant jovial demeanour in the common room over the next year. Nor did she know how she'd cope when every time she realised how happy she was feeling, it was replaced almost immediately with an imminent sense of sorrow and loss.

"I don't mind," Janey said kindly in response to his prior question. "Do your parents really let you do this or do you need me to keep a lookout?"

She had not really known when or understood why James had started smoking, but Janey hadn't been all that phased. She was more surprised he hadn't started sooner, though she'd never known anyone else at the school to do it.

She watched with intrigue as he lit the cigarette, leaning up against the fence she was still perched atop.

"Mum doesn't know, but me and my dad have an arrangement."

Janey's intrigue deepened.

"See, I'm not allowed, so long as I live under this roof, to have Ebony 'sleep over' as it were. Not anywhere near the same room as I'm in anyway."

"Ah," Janey said.

"So he has to let me indulge in at least one of my vices and decided this was the lesser of two evils. As long as I stay at the bottom of the garden, and we keep my wonderfully tolerant mother none-the-wiser, then I'm golden."

"And I suppose the lack of sex has only increased the dependency on nicotine," Janey teased.

James removed the cigarette from beneath his teeth to exhale a cloud of smoke. Janey rather enjoyed the smell, but she wasn't sure she'd want to be around it for too long.

"Oh, don't worry about me, little Janey," James said, "there certainly isn't a lack of sex in my life."

Janey raised her eyebrows.

"We just have to get more"—he raised his eyebrows back at her—"creative."

Janey didn't know whether she should feel shocked or fascinated. it was a mingled combination of both. Curious as she was about James' sex life, it seemed a violation of Ebony's boundaries. It wasn't like she and Janey were all that close and would have been happily discussing the same topic.

"How so?" she dared to ask.

James remained grinning as he continued to smoke. "My dad has very cleverly put a spell on my bedroom that triggers an alarm if anything should get too frisky. It is almost," he said scathingly, "as deranged as Hogwarts."

"Geez," Janey said, thinking of Harry unintentionally walking in on her and Sam earlier and wondered if the same silent trigger was on Albus' room. Although, given Harry's complete and total shock at what he'd witnessed, she thought not. And really, who on earth thought Albus was smuggling girls into his room?

"But he's either incredibly naive or way more tolerant than he'd have me believe, because there certainly aren't any such spells anywhere else," James said, his lips curling into a smirk around the edge of the cigarette. "Like the shower. The pantry. That shed right there…"

Janey followed James' gaze to the garden shed he was indicating to, feeling like he'd just flashed him his underwear or something.

"Kinky," she mused, wondering if he was being honest or just saying it for show. Knowing James, he was being one hundred percent truthful. Janey thought of the broom cupboards on the fifth floor, and her heart rate quickened.

"Could be that they've only put it on your room so they can still do it all over the place though," Janey teased.

James didn't look shocked or embarrassed by her uncouthness like Sam or Rose would have been, but he looked thoughtful and then mildly disgusted. "I really hope not."

He then took that moment to eye Janey with a look that let her know he was impressed. He exhaled another cloud of smoke before saying, "Never thought to use Al's bedroom to shag though. Genius move on your part there. And you didn't even know about the spells on my room."

Like James, Janey didn't feel embarrassed at all, but rather surprised that Harry had even told James about what he'd caught his friends up to given how mortified he'd been. Or maybe it had been Sam, she considered, though she couldn't fathom why he would have confessed either.

"Your dad told you?" Janey asked in disbelief.

"Well, he seemed to think it was due to my encouragement that you were 'getting frisky' upstairs in the first place and condemned me for letting it happen. Like I've been renting our house out as some kind of sex hotel?"

"All hotels are sex hotels," Janey said without thinking, and she and James both snorted at the same time. "But we weren't having sex," she clarified, because despite her dismissiveness with Sam earlier, she really didn't want the Potters to think she'd be that disrespectful. Who knew how far she would have actually gone with Sam, she mused. But it wouldn't have been like that.

"And how'd he even know who we were?" she asked suspiciously, thinking she and Sam didn't even register on Harry Potter's radar as anyone other than two unnamed friends of his kids. Although they were close with James, and to a fractionally lesser extent, Albus, it wasn't like there had been much overlap. They'd more often spent time with Rose's parents.

"Well, he didn't give me names," James explained. "And I'll be honest, my first thought was bloody hell, Scorpius has got some balls what with Uncle Ron sitting right outside."

Janey couldn't help but laugh. The thought of Rose stealing away in the Potters' house to let Scorpius feel her up whilst the Hogwarts staff and her dad were just outside was truly deranged. Scorpius would certainly have a death wish if that were the case. Janey also wasn't convinced, as still in utmost denial about even being a couple as they were, that there was any feeling up of any kind happening at all between them anyway.

"Scorpius wouldn't have the nerve," Janey said wickedly.

"He wouldn't have his kneecaps afterwards," James muttered thoughtfully. "Or any other certain appendages…"

"I thought you were okay with Scorpius and Rose now?" Janey asked, genuinely surprised. James had always been hostile towards Scorpius because he was so protective of Rose, but after all that had transpired over the summer, she truly thought they would be past that now. They had fought side by side, standing strong against a common enemy, risking life and limb for their friends. Wasn't that the kind of thing that brought people together?

"Oh, I am," James said brightly. "I was purely talking about Uncle Ron's stance."

Janey grinned.

"I, uh, yeah," James said, his mirth softening, and Janey knew he was about to say something rare and heartfelt. "I'm happy Rose and Scorpius have reconnected. He's good for her. And he's… he's important to Ebony. And in the end, that means more to me than anything."

Janey nodded in silence. James probably didn't fully realise how much Ebony had changed him—how much he had truly matured over the past year.

"But anyway, I quickly realised my error, and it was obvious," James continued, all sentimentality gone and now going back to the topic of unsuspecting debauchery. "And, hey, if you'd asked, I could have recommended many a good spot to hook up in the vicinity."

Janey wrinkled her nose, a little grossed out. She hoped, at least, James and Ebony were being hygienic about it.

"Why was it obvious?" she demanded, feeling self-conscious. God, she knew Jinx had said the sexual tension had been palpable between her and Sam at her birthday, but she hoped it hadn't been that obvious to everyone. Could they all tell—like some flashing red sign above their heads—that revealed the nature of their relationship had shifted?

James had the decency to look a little hesitant. He disguised it by taking another drag on the cigarette, avoiding looking directly at Janey. "That you and Sam were having sex?" he asked uncertainly.

Janey's face flushed with colour. "We weren't," she insisted, because it was true.

"I meant… in general."

Janey's stomach dropped but she recovered quickly. So Sam had told James? That's basically what he was revealing. She should have known he might, but even still, it felt like a part of her had been violated without her knowledge. Like James had accidentally walked in on her naked. It wasn't something she was embarrassed by, because of how close they were, but nonetheless still felt a little awkward given that she hadn't allowed for it to happen on her own terms.

"Sam told you?" she asked, even though she knew the answer.

James didn't reply straight away, like he was very much aware he was dealing with a delicate topic and had perhaps revealed something he hadn't intended to. He could be sensitive when he wanted to, Janey thought with respect. He could be emotionally mature. He just often opted not to be.

"He, ahh—it wasn't like that," James eventually said. He finally turned to look at Janey, perhaps nervous at how she would react to this revealing of information. "It wasn't a braggy, 'lads' thing."

Janey hadn't really expected it would be—that would have been completely out of character for Sam. She was just surprised that he would have confided in anybody, for whatever reasons, without having told her. And especially James, who often wasn't the best keeper of secrets.

Not that it was a secret, Janey told herself fiercely. If anybody asked her, she wouldn't lie. It's just not something she necessarily felt confident enough to advertise. She supposed if she would tell any of their friends, save for Jinx, it would have been James. It just felt weird that she had not been the one to do so, nor privy to the fact that he even knew. She felt awkward enough that Sam had talked to his stepbrother about it.

"He just… felt a bit uncertain," James pressed on delicately. "And wanted advice."

Janey softened. It was kind of sweet, she supposed, that he had wanted to talk to James about it. But then another fear crept in. "Do the other guys know?"

"No," James said quickly, and whether it was true or not, Janey chose to believe him.

"I didn't plan it," she insisted, because she felt like people would assume she was the instigator. Even though she very much had been. But it also hadn't been planned in advance, and for whatever reason, it was important that James knew this.

"Oh, I've no doubt," James said kindly. "Look, you and Sam have been trying to force away the way you feel for each other for so long now. And I explained this to Sam, too. Hogwarts is like a prison in that sense," he explained. "It withholds that ability to explore a physical relationship safely, so you have all these pent-up emotions, all this restricted passion, and the instant you can actually enjoy it, it's way more intense than it would be if you were allowed to actually progress it naturally."

Janey considered what he was saying, and it made a lot of sense. Was that why she was so irresistibly drawn to Sam, that constant physical longing clawing at her every time they were alone? And even when they weren't.

"So what you're saying," she said, "is that if Sam and I had actually properly dated, and Hogwarts wasn't… restricting us, we'd have waited a few more months before we started shagging?"

James grinned, seemingly relieved that Janey was not upset by the revelation that Sam had confessed the physical nature of their summer explorations to him. "Well, I don't know how much of a role Hogwarts actually plays in that. You and Sam are a special case. You've been in denial way too long. Look at that first kiss in the Manor." He let out a long, low whistle. "That was a lot of unspoken truths finally coming to the surface. You almost gave Sam a heart attack."

Janey knew he was exaggerating, but she felt flattered nonetheless. She wondered if it had been as blindingly obvious to all their friends as it had to been to her that all the hatred and arguing was just a mask for a different kind of passion she held for Sam. She had never confessed it out loud, and she wasn't sure she ever would, but she had known. She had known long before she was ready to admit it how she had really felt for him.

"No, I'm not that surprised that you and Sam are already there," James said kindly. "You've always been mature, Janey. Not even mature," he corrected. "Just… normal. Hogwarts makes adult relationships seem scandalous and taboo, but we're just teenagers." He shrugged. "Just doing normal teenage things." He took another drag on his cigarette, as though to emphasise the normality of a little perceived rebellion.

Janey watched him with a look of wistful longing, Noticing this, James offered her the cigarette. "You want to try?" he asked, and he seemed surprised but more than willing to share.

"Oh, no," Janey dismissed, realising James had misinterpreted her look. It wasn't the nicotine she craved, but rather him. In the future. "I was just thinking about how weird this next year will be without you."

James looked thoughtful. "Oh, stop, you'll make me cry."

Janey grinned to herself. She didn't think she had ever seen James Potter shed a tear.

"Don't start smoking though," he advised. "I only started to look cool, obviously, but it really is addictive, you know?"

"No shit," Janey laughed.

James took one last drag, releasing the smoke into the crisp evening air like a dragon, before finally stubbing it out. The collection of singed circles on the fence let Janey know he did this often.

"In all seriousness, I'm going to miss you too," James said, that rare glimmer of sentimentality back.

Janey thought she was probably one of the only people he'd comfortably share this side of himself with.

"Everybody," he mused. "Everything, really."

"And what about Ebony?" Janey asked.

"Oh, I won't miss her," James said lightheartedly, prompting Janey to laugh harder than she should have. "Of course I'll miss her," James amended, amused, like Janey had asked him something surprisingly stupid. "The most of everybody." He gave her a gentle nudge with his elbow. "Second only to you, of course."

"That's not what I meant, genius," Janey said, playfully rolling her eyes. "I meant, like, what's going to happen now? You're not going to be allowed in the castle, are you?"

James looked thoughtful once more. "No. Bobbin has made that quite clear to me." His tone was slightly bitter, and Janey guessed this had been a summer's long argument between all parties had not talked directly to James about it, but she had been fed snippets of information via Rose—enough to get the gist of it all.

As much as Janey would have loved for James to have been allowed to stay at Hogwarts for one final year, she knew it wouldn't be in his best interests, nor Ebony's. It would be good for them to have a bit of distance and gain some independence, even if it would be hard.

"I'm going to stay with my parents," James explained. "And maybe do some Auror training—get some experience, get some money. And then, when Ebony's finished her final year, I'll have enough in savings for us to buy our own house together. And this ridiculous parental regime will finally be over."

Janey resisted pointing out to James that he was being incredibly optimistic to think he could accrue enough for a mortgage in just one year of entry-level training, no matter whose son he happened to be.

"And until then, I'll still get to see her during holidays," he continued, a note of hopeful self-encouragement in his voice. "Christmas, Easter… And then it will be summer again in no time."

"It will go quickly," Janey assured him, not because she genuinely believed it, but because James had a slightly lost look in his eyes.

"And I'm going to come to the Hogsmeade," he declared, like he'd suddenly thought of this on the spot. "And I can see her—and all of you—at weekends too." Something lit up in his eyes, like he'd just had a genius idea. Janey felt a knot of anxiety form. Where was James going with this? "I could even just… stay there, couldn't I? Work in the Three Broomsticks, rent a little room upstairs…"

Janey felt it was her responsibility to discourage James, because it was obvious, at least to her, that this wouldn't be a good idea at all. More so for Ebony than for James. As much as she loved them as a couple, and thought they were exactly what the other needed, Rosewood had revealed a lot to Janey about the girl. It had revealed just how tormented she was by her past, and how desperately she was fighting to battle those demons every day of her life. James made her happy beyond belief, it was clear to see, and she felt both calmed and strengthened by his presence, but she also needed to be able to achieve that on her own, and so long as James continued to remain in her daily orbit, Ebony was never going to be able to do it by herself.

"Yeah, maybe," Janey said, uncertain but trying to remain encouraging. "But it, uh, it will be good for Ebony to stand on her own for a bit."

James furrowed his brow in confusion.

"She didn't cope so well in Rosewood," Janey confessed.

"I know," James said, and Janey was startled to note the slightly aggressive defensiveness his tone had adopted.

"She's really strong, James," Janey insisted, hoping he didn't think it had been a criticism. "But I think she still has a lot of healing to do. And I think…" She hesitated, unsure how James would receive what she was about to say. "I think some independence will really help with that."

James didn't reply straight away, instead apparently considering what Janey had said with deep thoughtfulness.

"It will be good for her and Bobbin too," Janey added quickly. "It must have been pretty strange for them over the summer, cramped up in the same house for the first time since they've outwardly been acting like mother and daughter. But it will be easier once we're back in Hogwarts. Especially with Ebony being Head Girl. She'll have more responsibilities, she'll be able to focus on all the academic stuff, and have a bit more breathing room."

"And I'd be too much of a distraction?"

Janey was relieved that any hostility seemed to have instantly melted and James was back to being playful once more.

"You are the biggest distraction in any room," Janey said wisely.

James looked wistful. They both of them watched the sun continuing to dip below the horizon in silent companionship for a while. A few streaks of orange had appeared amidst the lavender, a beautiful kaleidoscope sprawled across the dawn sky.

"I suppose you're right," James relented. "It's just… it seems so unfair. Everybody is still treating us like children. Like we made some dumb mistake rather than an adult commitment that Bobbin herself made only several years older than me—and my parents not much behind."

Janey wanted to point out that Bobbin was hardly a great advocate for teenage marriage, but held her tongue. Instead, she felt a prickle of curiosity that she'd never broached with James before. She supposed she'd never really had a moment alone with him since their escapades in Rosewood. He had remained loyally by Ebony's side, both emotionally and physically, all summer, and they had always overlapped in a large group.

"Why did you get married?" Janey asked curiously. It's not that she doubted James truly loved Ebony and would remain committed to her so long as he lived, but she didn't understand his impatience to be wed. He had never been one to romanticise matrimony, and even though it was clear Ebony meant more to him than any prior relationship or fling, the choice to legally commit when and where they had was baffling to her.

James didn't seem offended by the question but considered it for only a few seconds before answering.

"To piss Bobbin off."

Janey was deeply surprised. She wondered, then, if Ebony had been the instigator of the marriage idea, even though she'd have sworn it had been James. "Really?"

This time it was James who rolled his eyes. "Obviously not, but that's apparently the only reason she and my parents can think of."

Janey laughed then, her surprise slipping away. James couldn't help but break out into laughter too, leaving them both feeling light, and young, and carefree, even for just a stolen moment.

"No," James said seriously, "it's because Ebony's pregnant."

Janey hit the boy with a gentle punch. "James!" she chastised, thinking he had been about to give an honest answer.

"Okay, okay," James relented, still laughing. When he thought about what he next wanted to say, Janey noticed the glimmer in his eye. Whatever he was thinking, it seemed to make his entire demeanour light up from within. "Doesn't love count for anything?"

Janey instantaneously wrinkled her nose up. She'd known she'd lost James a while ago, perhaps even the immediate moment he set eyes on Ebony, to that sickening curse: love. But to be so compelled to marry because of it, at just eighteen years old? That wasn't even Rose and Scorpius levels of insanity!

"But you can love someone and not marry them," Janey protested, hesitant to add 'whilst one half of the party's still at school.' "And you can get married and not be in love," she considered, thinking of her own parents. "They aren't… mutually exclusive."

"I know," James agreed, "and I never actually cared about being married."

"What, until you met Ebony?" Janey asked sarcastically, still sickened that she'd lost her male counterpart to such a cliché.

"I didn't ask Ebony to elope with me on some whim," James explained, looking wise. "And I didn't do it because of some whirlwind heat-of-the-moment all-consuming love. Well," he grinned, "not entirely. And I didn't do it as some kind of act of rebellion to piss anybody off."

Janey felt like James had probably had to emphasise this point a lot over the summer. She personally thought it deranged for anybody who had seen James around Ebony to assume he'd only done what he did to somehow irritate the adults in his life, but she could also understand why they might all be thinking it.

"I did it for her," he said solemnly, and Janey could feel the sincerity in every word.

All of a sudden, without him needing to say another word, Janey felt like she understood. Even so, James continued.

"Since Bobbin dropped that bombshell, Ebony has been in one of the darkest places of her life," James said seriously, a sad, concerned look on his face.

Janey felt that whatever he was about to tell her wasn't something he had confessed to anybody before, and possibly never would again.

"Her childhood traumatised her." His voice was quiet, pained, and Janey obediently listened. "And she'd never fully healed from that. And then Bobbin pretty much revealed that the only reason she had to go through any of that in the first place was because she hadn't wanted her. And then that traumatised her."

James wasn't looking at Janey but staring resolutely ahead. The flickering remains of daylight were quickly sliding away. She noticed that his hands were gripping the fence so tightly his knuckles had turned white, and she wondered if his anger was aimed at Bobbin, Ebony's birth parents, the circumstances overall, or maybe a combination of them all.

"She didn't leave her room for almost a month," James said in disgust, and Janey thought this was definitely directed at Bobbin. "All she did was cry, and have panic attacks, and relive that pain over and over again in her mind, torturing herself because she felt like every single person in her life who was supposed to have loved her, and protected her, had only ever abandoned her. That she was"—and he looked truly sickened by the thought—"unlovable. That she was just a burden."

James looked so intensely stressed out by what he was saying that Janey wondered if he might just light up another cigarette, but he didn't.

Janey wanted to reach out a hand, to comfort him, to show solidarity, but she didn't want to distract James from confessing what he wanted to. She remained silent and unmoving, allowing him the freedom to share whatever he was comfortable with on his own terms.

"And then obviously the Rosewood stuff happened, and she wanted to use it as a distraction." James looked contemplative. "I still don't know whether it would have been better for her to have gone or to have stayed here, but it was her choice."

Janey recalled this. She remembered how distressed James had been at the idea of her embarking on their little mission with the 'Away Team' as opposed to remaining in the castle where he had been running operations.

"She shouldn't have been exposed to the woods," he said darkly. "That much is clear. It could have… it could have destroyed her." His breath was shaky.

Janey felt nervous at the memory. For one, horrifying moment, Ebony had been their biggest threat, the dark magic the woods exuded drawing out her torment from within. It had been torturing her, and she could have snapped at any moment, hurting either herself or any of those around her. Thankfully, it had never come to that, but it had been a very real, terrifying threat. James alone had saved her. The strength of their connection, even miles apart, had been strong enough to override the pull of the darkness.

"Losing Astoria too," James continued. "I suppose it's a strange thing. She hated that woman as much as her own mum—who she had always thought of as her mother," he corrected, and Janey knew he was referring to Mrs Darkbrow rather than Bobbin. "But it's a confusing, twisted feeling of loss. She was still an important part of her life. And even ignoring that, she was still Scorpius' mum. She empathised with him."

Janey had never considered this before. The loss of Astoria Malfoy hadn't been hard for her at all, given that she had very much terrorised her and her group of friends. She had been complicit in Jinx and Janey's imprisonment in the cell beneath the manor house, after all. But their friend—and she supposed she would now consider Scorpius a friend—had lost their mother, and that grief was palpable, no matter how conflicted they all felt about it. Ebony, being as close to Scorpius as she was, surely felt that more strongly than any of them.

"And I could see," James went on, still with a note of shakiness in his voice, "how much all of this piling on top of her was going to send her further and further down that dark hole, and I didn't want to lose her… I didn't want her to lose herself in it all."

"So you thought, I know what this girl needs," Janey said warmly. "She needs a lifelong helping of James Potter to see her through."

James snorted, quickly warming to Janey's kind and gentle teasing.

"I wanted to give her a commitment," James clarified, but Janey had realised this anyway. "To show her that I was very much in it for the long haul. That no matter what turmoil her life was going to be in, she had at least one person who would always be a constant."

Janey had to bite her tongue again before she pointed out that marriage was by no means the be-all and end-all, and divorce was very much a possible and even common occurrence. But she knew James wouldn't appreciate it. And more so, she understood why the seemingly hastily elopement had actually meant a lot more than they'd all realised. Janey had half-thought it was a classic James Potter impulse, helpfully fuelled by the temptations of a bit of rebellion. But in all honesty, it was probably one of the most selfless and meaningful things he had ever done.

"I still think you're deranged," Janey said nonetheless, and James continued to grin.

"I'd question what had happened to you if you didn't."

"But I get it."

"Glad to see someone does," James said, his tone scathing.

Janey had a thought. "Why not just tell Bobbin what you told me?" She failed to see how anybody could deny the boy's intentions if he shared what he just had with her.

"Because," James said, the edges of his mouth curling up into a classic James Potter smirk, "it is fun to piss them all off."

"And never have anyone know that deep down you're just a big, old, soft-hearted romantic?"

"Never," James vowed. "I'm going to play the long game, and when Ebony and I are still happily married in fifty years' time, they'll all feel real sorry for doubting me."

"Even still," Janey piped up, "locked down with one girl for the rest of your life? That's a pretty ballsy risk on your behalf."

James didn't look doubtful in the slightest. He said, with great confidence and an edge of suggestiveness, "Don't you worry, Ebony gives me everything I could possibly need."

Janey felt her eyes flicker towards the garden shed he had directed her attention to earlier in their conversation. "Yeah, I'll bet." Feeling playful once more, she couldn't resist asking, "How will you possibly cope with being celibate for the next year?"

"Hey, I could ask you the same thing," James countered. "You know you can't get off at Hogwarts, right?"

"Obviously."

Janey had always suspected this, but Jinx had confirmed it for her earlier that summer. In truth, Janey felt slightly relieved. She was enjoying the fact that she could explore her sexuality with Sam over the summer, but given how awkward it had proven to be, maybe a bit of forced abstinence would actually relieve some of the pressure.

"Would we have both remained virgins as long as we did if not?" she teased.

James beamed, like he was grateful that he could finally talk to someone as openly comfortable with that sort of topic.

"Who told you I was a virgin?" James asked curiously. "Before Ebony," he quickly clarified.

"James, you'd have told me, and the entire house, if you weren't."

"True," he conceded. "But everyone else seemed incredibly shocked."

"Why? You're only eighteen."

"Right?"

In truth, Janey had been a little surprised James hadn't figured out a way around the enchantments. But he had been with Ebony since they were both sixteen, she recalled, and he never would have pressured her into anything until she was ready. So, really, it wasn't that surprising at all. It's just that he always seemed so educated about it all.

"It's not like I hadn't done stuff," he said cryptically, and Janey felt her interest perk up.

"Really? With who?"

"Evangeline," James said, surprised, like it was obvious.

Janey was taken aback by her own realisation that she hadn't considered this. She had assumed James and the Russian countess had shared a purely PR relationship, as it were, given that James had very much been running around with plenty of girls behind her back and she was now seeing another woman.

"Dirty, dirty boy," she said wickedly. "Under this roof?" she gestured to the Potters' house in the background.

"Evangeline came to stay over the summer we had Teddy's wedding," James explained with a shrug, referring to Teddy Lupin who had married one of James' many cousins. "And we weren't allowed to share a room."

"Yeah, no shit," Janey scoffed. "Your parents won't even let you shag your wife, they were hardly going to let you defile royalty."

"She was the one who wanted to defile me!" James protested.

Janey rolled her eyes. "Yeah, and I'm sure you were very much against it."

"Well, they put that alarm in place so we couldn't anyway, but—"

"Oh, God, let me guess," Janey interrupted, wrinkling her nose in disgust, "the shower, the shed, the—"

"Just the shower, actually. And it was just hand stuff."

"Filth," Janey drawled, but her respect for the Russian girl she had formerly loathed had gone right up. Evangeline had always struck her as a bit prissy, but maybe they'd had more in common than they realised. Although it wasn't like Janey had ever done hand stuff in the shower. She blushed at the thought.

"Did you tell Ebony?" Janey enquired. It wasn't like she'd been able to go very far with any of her former hook-ups, but she wondered if full transparency with regards to anything remotely sexual would be expected of her with regards to Sam. He had never shown any interest in knowing, and she didn't particularly want to indulge. But he had seemed curious and offended by the revelation of her history with Fred earlier.

"Sure," James said, "but she hardly cared."

"Well, she'd probably had her wicked way with Scorpius."

James frowned, disturbed by the idea. "They didn't," he insisted.

Janey had no doubt this was true, but she thought it funny nonetheless to put the idea in James' head. "No, I suppose he was too busy hooking up with twenty-four-year-olds in Diagon Alley?"

"You heard about that?" James asked eagerly. "Because what in the everlasting fuck was that about? Is it even true?"

"Hey, I know as little as you do—I only caught the tail-end of whatever you were talking about on the beach."

James looked almost imperceptibly guilty about something but quickly brushed it off.

"I refuse to believe strange Spanish women were trying to shag him," James said firmly, "and it's all just a weird ploy to make Rose jealous."

"I don't think Rose is dying to get inside Scorpius' robes just yet," Janey pointed out. "She's probably waiting for marriage. Like you," she added sweetly.

James just rolled his eyes.

The sun had now almost fully set. A single line of deep violet remained on the horizon, and Janey could make out a few stars twinkling amongst the inky blackness. She felt that sentimental pang of loss once more, despite nothing having changed just yet.

"Well, if Scorpius ever comes to me for advice, I'll give him very different instructions to what I gave Sam," James muttered darkly.

Janey wanted to make a jab about the insane unlikelihood of Scorpius ever seeking James out for advice on anything sexual, especially with regards to Rose, but she was deeply intrigued at the mention of Sam and the supposed advice James had doled out to him.

She tried to act as though she was only casually enquiring when she asked, "And what instructions, exactly, did you give to Sam?"

James looked down at her, his dark hair outlined by the slight sheen of the moon. "I told him to get in as much as he possibly can before the summer's over."

"Jesus."

"I'm just thinking of you and your needs, Janey."

Janey blushed, grateful that the darkness concealed her pink cheeks. How much of her outwardly confident persona was true, she wondered, and how much of it was a coping mechanism to get through life.

"He seems to have taken it to heart," James said, his eyebrows raised. "If he can't even keep his hands off you at a family barbecue."

Janey was reluctant to point out that she had been the one to initiate that. "Don't worry, he won't touch me for the rest of the summer," she said brightly, though inside she felt a little bitter. "He's trying to prove a point to your dad."

"Creepy," James mused. "Not sure why my dad has taken it upon himself to become the sex police."

"Well, surely because he thinks his son is promoting teen promiscuity."

"Can't argue with that," James said. "How is my first protegé holding up anyway?" he asked after a while.

It was weird, Janey thought. No one else in her life would dare to ask how her sex life was, but James seemed genuinely interested in her wellbeing rather than it being something crude and inappropriate. She meant to say something witty and affirmative on Sam's behalf, but she had instinctively pulled a face that she knew she couldn't disguise, even with the veil of night falling over them.

"Ah," James said knowingly.

"It's fine," Janey said quickly, wanting to protect Sam. "It's just…"

"One-sided?" James enquired.

Janey pulled the same face, unintentionally confirming James' suspicions. "It's not like he isn't trying," she said weakly. "It's just, he's very awkward. And very quick…" And then she trailed off, feeling like she was revealing too much without Sam's consent.

James nodded thoughtfully, taking in what she was saying with polite intrigue.

"I know we're young, and inexperienced, and we're figuring it out as we go along, but I really thought it would be… better." Now Janey felt really guilty, like she had just shown James a video of Sam's naked body so they could have a good laugh together.

"Just give it time," James said wisely. "Was Sam great at snogging when you first started?"

"God, no," Janey said impulsively, before being overwhelmed once more by immediate guilt. It was true, though. Janey had very much enjoyed snogging Sam, but it was obvious that he didn't have much experience. He had been so awkward with his mouth, his tongue, his hands…

But now? Now, she thought, a little flustered, he was more than educated in what exactly she liked.

"But he got better," she said appreciatively.

"Well, there you go," James said kindly. "I think you and Sam are very compatible, and that will eventually be reflected in your physical relationship too. But if you want me to, I could speak to him about, err—"

"Oh, God, please don't," Janey said quickly, not even entirely sure what James was offering. But she very much did not want James giving Sam tips about how to please her or even entertain the idea in passing. She was happy enough to discuss the topic with him, but she didn't want James to have quite a front-row view of her bedroom activities. That would be too much.

"Alright, fine," James conceded, realising this was a step too far. "But what if he comes to me?"

"James you've only been having sex for three months!" she pointed out, willing their conversation to be over. "You are not that much more experienced."

James looked sulky. "Yeah, but I've been having a lot of sex in those three months," he mumbled. "Good sex."

Janey glared at him.

"Okay, I'm sorry."

Janey wondered then if she should ask him for advice on something she had been considering, but she was worried that it would get back to Sam somehow if she spoke it into existence. Nor was she sure she necessarily wanted James to be so aware of how bitterly disappointing her and Sam's sex life was.

After a moment's hesitation, she dared to say, "Do you think I should…fake it?"

"No," James said after maybe a second's deliberation. "Merlin, no," he doubled down with firmness. "For your sake more than his. If you do that, he won't ever learn."

James was so serious it was like they were discussing a topic much more severe than sexual gratification. Although, she supposed, in his world, maybe little was.

"Alright," Janey conceded.

Despite having never experienced it before, she was pretty certain she could put on a believable performance, and really, it's not like Sam would ever know the difference. But she supposed James was right—in a way. If Sam thought what he was doing was actually eliciting such enthusiastic responses from her then he'd never strive to do anything differently. Not that she was sure what he could do to actually improve the situation from what he'd already demonstrated.

After a moment of seemingly thoughtful reflection, neither of them saying anything but merely savouring the moment of being alone, and being at peace, James couldn't help but say, "I'm really happy you and Sam are finally together."

Janey was moved by the sentiment, as he truly did look it, but something about his wording stood out to her. "Finally?" she echoed.

James gave her a pointed look. "Come on, Janey."

But the blonde girl was genuinely struck with confusion. James had to be bullshitting.

"You and Sam have been on the brink for years," he laughed. "It was so obvious."

Janey's heart rate had quickened. That couldn't be true, surely. "What do you mean?" she demanded.

But James was in that smug all-knowing mood he so often was. "Are you kidding?" he asked, incredulous. "The instant you became Prefects, you were acting like you wanted to snog each other's faces off. I can't believe it took almost two years for it to finally happen."

Two years? No, no, no, Janey would admit she'd maybe started to fancy Sam over the last almost a year, but she was firmly in denial that it had ever extended beyond that. The loathing and irritability she felt towards him had been very real!

"That's not true," Janey denied impulsively.

"Come on, Janey," James said again, and now he was starting to irritate her.

"I'm not kidding!" she said furiously. "It hasn't been… years."

"Oh, but it's been quite some time, hasn't it? You were both very obviously crushing on each other!"

Janey was once more grateful for the cover of darkness, so her flushed face was firmly hidden from sight. "Not that long," she mumbled. And maybe if it had been anyone other than James, she would have continued to outright deny that she had ever even had a crush and it had been anything more than a spontaneous, heat-of-the-moment, realising of true emotions that singular moment in the Manor.

James looked smug, like he had somehow won an argument that only he was participating in, or that Janey had silently confirmed something he knew to be true. She wanted to wipe the look off his face. Maybe she wouldn't miss him so much after all.

But just as Janey had formed that thought, her heart ached for the inevitable hole he would leave in her life the next year. Before either could say another word, she had hopped down off the fence and flung her arms around him in a move that took them both by surprise.

James hesitated for only a second before he happily embraced her back. "Is this an admission that I was right?" he asked.

"This is an admission of nothing!" she protested, her face flat against his chest. He smelt of aftershave and the faint traces of cigarette smoke. "This is because I'm going to miss your idiotic, dumb face."

"Idiotic and dumb?" James repeated, and Janey could feel the physical and emotional warmth emanating from him. "My face is offended."

She didn't reply, and for a few more seconds, they held their embrace, him running a soothing hand down her back. Once Janey decided the time for tenderness and sentimentality was over, she broke away.

"We should go back," she decided, partially because she was feeling a little cold, and partially because she missed Sam's company, even if he still wasn't going to speak to her.

"Right you are," James agreed. "We should totally start a bonfire."

And together, the two of them strolled back towards their communal group of friends, a stolen feeling of companionship stretching between them in the darkness. The sun had now fully set, leaving a spattering of twinkling stars sprawled across the night sky. And though Janey felt a pang of sadness, she also felt wholly content.

True to his word, James started a bonfire. All the adults had migrated indoors, leaving only the teenagers gathered in a circle around the fire. Janey found her way next to Sam, whose eyes seemed to light up when they fell on her but otherwise expressed no sense of warmth or happiness to see her again.

"Is this okay?" she asked sarcastically, settling into the collapsible chair beside him. Rose was on her other side, still very much acting like she and Scorpius had just casually found themselves next to each other. "Or would you rather I sat on the opposite side of the circle?"

Sam made a point of looking towards the house where the silhouette of the adults could be seen through the kitchen window. "I think that would be acceptable," he confirmed.

Janey rolled her eyes as she settled into the seat beside him. On the opposite side of the fire, Ebony had eagerly crawled into James' lap, the two of them intertwined in the same chair and beneath the same blanket, him holding her in a rare, tender moment.

"Why can't we do that?" Janey demanded enviously, irritated at Sam's continued formality.

"Are you cold?" Sam asked.

She could tell he was trying to remain stern and unemotional, but an undeniable edge of concern had crept into his voice.

"Yes," Janey replied. It was true that she felt a little chilly, but the warmth of the fire was more than enough to keep it at bay. It was more that she wanted Sam to wrap his arms around her.

Instead, he retrieved a fleece blanket from a pile Janey assumed Ginny or someone had left out for them, and offered it to her. Janey took it, moved by this action, but still a little annoyed that he wouldn't even touch her. Harry was hardly watching them out the window, and there was nothing bad or shameful in acting like a couple!

"Thank you," Janey said curtly as Sam settled back into his own chair.

As the night stretched out, and the group of friends laughed and chatted together, Janey was struck with the realisation that this could very well be the last time they would all hang out like this. And at the very least, the last time for a long time, perhaps even the following summer. But rather than let the melancholia swallow her up, Janey took the moment to look around the circle at each and every one of her friends. From Rose's red hair illuminated by the glow of the fire, completely oblivious to the way Scorpius was watching her, hanging on her every word, Albus having an animated conversation about Quidditch with Taylor, who was politely baffled by it all, to James and Ebony, still intertwined, looking at complete peace with each other, lost in their own bubble of happiness. Gwen looked like she was on the brink of falling asleep, wrapped up tightly in a tartan blanket, and Mason looked over her with a look of tender reminiscence.

And then Janey looked to Sam, whose expression took her by complete surprise. He was staring into the fire, transfixed, with a deeply haunted look about him. Without thinking, she extended her hand, reaching out to grasp his elbow in reassurance. She wondered if he had been lost in her similar former musings, bittersweet memories of their time together, mingled with a sense of loss. But something was different somehow, like he was recalling something bad.

Whatever was on his mind, the touch of her hand seemed to break him out of his trance. Sam instinctively turned his head towards Janey, and the lost look in his eyes was replaced with shining tenderness. Forgetting that he was supposed to be mad at her, and keeping her at a firm distance, he let her slip her hand into his, and the two kept their hands firmly locked together as the fire continued to burn.

Author's Note: Title and epigraph inspired by Leona Lewis' 'Happy'