The Wreck of the Relationship Homer and Bart are fighting over Bart not eating his deadly broccoli so Marge has them both put on a ship to learn to be sailors.
Plot
The couch gag is the Simpsons finding Itchy about to kill Scratchy. They stop him and kick out the mouse. Scratchy thanks them and lives with them. However he becomes a pain in the neck. Drinking Homer's beer and making a mess etc. So Homer lets Itchy in and he kills Scratchy.
The door rang.
"Eh?" Homer asked.
The Cat in the Hat was at the door. "Eggs!"
Homer screamed and shot him.
"No more cartoon cats..." Marge sighed.
...
The episode starts with Bart and Milhouse about to watch something on Bart's computer that they really shouldn't.
(Bart laughs)
"Well, it wasn't easy, but we managed to watch every "testicle fail" video on the lnternet. Now to leave a great comment. LOL. That's gotta hurt." said Bart.
"Oh... I guess there's nothing left to do but go outside and play." said Milhouse.
"Wait- a sponsored link." said Bart.
"Ooh! A trailer for Project: After Party. The long-awaited sequel to Project: Party. (gasps) That's a red band trailer. We're not old enough to see that." said Milhouse. It was for a rather sexy boob film with partying.
"Sure we are. I just have to enter my birthday. January 1, 1900. No movie's so dirty the oldest man in the world can't see it." said Bart.
"Well, they did everything they could to stop us, but we hacked through anyway." Milhouse said, chuckling.
Narrator: "They thought the party was over. After party!"
(gasps)
"Uuuuuuh..." Bart was squicked out.
"Coooool! Bum bums! Boobs! Uh what is that thing on the front of her..." said Oscar screaming about bums again.
(gasps) Homer ran in.
"Brief nudity!"
"Petrificus Totalus!" Oscar used the full body bind jinx on him. He fell over.
He slightly undid some of the spell so Homer could breath and speak.
"Bart turn that chest video off! Don't ignore me!" Homer groaned.
"Bums! Bums! Bums! Buuuuuuum!" Oscar yelled.
Bart winced exasperated at Oscar's immature response to nudity.
Marge came in and freed Homer from his jinx that was paralysing him.
With the video paused. "I thought we installed parental blocking software on all our computers." said Homer annoyed Bart was watching a hard core movie trailer.
"I don't know what that stuff blocks." said Marge.
One afternoon earlier she had tried to book a mammogram. "Mammogram appointment." (alarm blares) The computer's firewall didn't like it.
"That doesn't mean disable the whole thing Marge!" Homer sighed.
"Booooobies..." Oscar rasped.
...
Bart was caught looking at boobs again.
"I told you to clean your room and instead you're watching chest videos." Homer scolded him. Bart's room was a mess. "Look at all those bowls of half-eaten cereal." There were bowls of cereal scattered about the room.
"The cereal on the bottom gets soggy." said Bart.
"I know how cereal works. Now clean your room." said Homer.
"Why should I?" said Bart. "It's just gonna get dirty again."
"I'm in charge. You do what I say." said Homer.
Oscar laughed sarcastically and angrily. "Fat chance. You don't get to be a father until you're a father to all your kids! Did you bathe Hugo this morning like your wife asked?
"That's none of your business! Bart clean up!" Homer didn't answer.
"I'll get to it when I get to it." said Bart.
"That better not mean what it means when I say it." Homer growled. He stepped in Bart's bowls of cereal. (squishing) "D'oh!"
That night.
"That boy has no respect for my authority." said Homer.
"Maybe you two are more similar than you'd like to admit." said Marge.
"We're not similar. I love being told what to do by someone who's wise in the ways of the world. Love it!" said Homer.
"Really? You like Mr Burns telling you what to do and giving you cruel commands like that time he made you eat nuclear waste..." said Oscar waiting to have his diaper changed.
"Here's what I would do: in the middle of the night, clean Bart's room for him, then, in the morning, thank him for cleaning his room." said Marge. Um...
Oscar winced at her.
"You poor woman. Dealing with Bart has turned your mind to ketchup water." said Homer.
Marge seethed at him. "Hrrrrrrrrmmmmm! Homer I've done my best to be that boy's mother! You're only grouchy and responsible now because there's no sports on the TV!"
"D'oh!" Homer groaned.
"And you don't get to be a father until you're responsible for all your children! Including Hugo and Eric!" Oscar nagged him.
"Oscar's right! You can't decide when you want to parent!" Marge nagged Homer.
Homer groaned.
"Now my diaper needs changing. I don't think you ever changed any of your kid's diapers once! Well tonight you're gonna learn!" said Oscar.
Homer made a disgusted sound.
"I'm getting some shut eye Homer. Tomorrow you better start trying to be a father..." said Marge sleeping.
Homer sighed.
...
At dinner Bart wouldn't eat his broccoli.
Bart eat your broccoli sweetie..." Marge sighed.
"I'd love to Mom. But I also like being alive..." said Bart.
Bart refused and left the little green trees uneaten on his plate.
"Eat your broccoli!" Homer demanded.
"No Dad! That stuff killed you remember?! In Treehouse of Horror 11?" Bart argued.
"Halloween episodes aren't canon! Now eat it!" Homer tries to force feed Bart.
"No! I want to live!" Bart struggled and escaped. Homer chases him around the dining room.
Marge and Lisa sigh. In the background Homer strangles Bart.
"Your mother said eat your broccoli." Homer seethed.
"Why do I need to eat broccoli?" Bart asked defiantly.
"Because it's full of healthy vitamins and minerals." said Homer.
"No it's fatally poisonous because for some messed up reason broccoli is deadly in Springfield..." said Oscar.
"It even tries to warn you with its terrible taste." said Hugo.
Late after dinner Homer has Bart and Hugo forced to sit at the table until they eat their broccoli.
"Dad we're not eating it because it's poisonous!" Bart protested.
"And it's yucky!" said Hugo.
Bart even missed Martin beating up Nelson.
Martin was outside wearing Nelson's vest jacket thing.
Lisa tries making smoothies for Bart and Hugo with the broccoli in them so they won't notice.
However Bart spills the smoothies because he knew the broccoli was in them.
Homer angrily fights with Bart.
The family agree they need to see a psychiatrist or something.
The next night vegetables were carrots and peas.
Bart would not eat his vegetables for some arbitrary reason.
"Bart eat your vegetables!" Homer yelled.
"No." said Bart.
Hugo was dissecting his vegetables and trying to synthesis a laxative from them.
"Hugo stop making laxative medicine from your vegetables and eat them!" Homer barked.
Hugo rolled his eyes and put his lab equipment away.
Marge and Lisa sighed.
"Vegetables make you big and strong like Randy Quaid." said Homer.
"Who has the same birthday date as my birthday." said Marge.
"Also he's really randy..." said Oscar.
Homer growled at him.
...
Bart and Homer found themselves on a boat.
"Where are we?" Bart asked.
"I don't know. Eat your broccoli." said Homer holding a tiny broccoli tree.
"No." said Bart.
"We're on an old-time boat." said Homer. "We've been kidnapped."
(chuckles): "Not kidnapped, shanghaied." said the bearded captain who has replaced the hilarious Captain McCallister! Whyyyyyyyyyy?!
"Oh." said Bart.
"Oh." said Homer.
"My name is Captain Bowditch. Your wife signed you up for a week at sea, where you'll live like sailors, eat like sailors and use therapeutic techniques to solve father-son conflicts... like sailors." said Captain Bowditch.
"Arrrrrrrr! I'm just here for the comedy. Arrrrrr! I be an old sea dog! Shiver me timbers!" said Sea Captain.
"Eat like a sailor. Is there broccoli on this ship?" Homer asked.
"No vegetables spoil easily. In fact the most common way sailors die at sea is from scurvy." said the captain.
Homer screamed.
"For there's no better place to solve relationship issues than on... The Relation Ship. "Relation Ship." It works two ways. (laughs) Pretty good. (laughs) Pretty good." said the captain.
"Hey, lame ass, Thanks to you, we're stuck on a stupid therapy boat." Bart groaned.
"I'm the lame ass? The only lame ass on this boat is you and all the other lame asses!" said Homer. (both grunting, groaning) They throw life jackets at each other.
"Shouldn't we do something?" Ned asked the captain.
"We are doing something. We're empathizing. I just know Bart and Homer are best friends already. I can feel it." said the captain.
Bart and Homer are fighting.
They then got changed out of their pyjamas and had to wear gay sailor uniforms.
"Narrator the navy isn't gay..." said Homer.
"Dad these uniforms are gay..." said Bart.
Homer groaned.
"They're gayer than Rip Taylor..." said Oscar.
Homer face palmed.
They then swabbed the deck with Apu and one of his octopuplets, Cleatus and um, Incest Spuckler, Ned and his boys and Uter and his father.
Homer also spent the week trying to give Bart broccoli.
"No I will not eat those filthy little trees!" said Bart.
Homer seethed.
...
At home.
Marge saw to Homer's fantasy football team. Knowing that they're Americans it's probably Fantasy American Football.
"Put Tom Brady as quarterback." said Oscar.
"No he cheats." said Lisa.
"That's why we'll always win and we'll take Lenny and Carl to the cleaners! Mwuhahahaha!" said Oscar laughing maniacally.
"Lenny used the "uck" word." Marge groaned.
"FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKK!" Oscar swore loudly.
"Oscar!" Marge told him off.
"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuuuuuuck!" Oscar sang.
Hugo winced.
Anyway after turning the air blue, Oscar took to picking and eating his earwax.
"Eeeeeeew!" Lisa groaned.
"I'm not even gonna ask you to fill your swear jar Oz, because I know you can't afford the toll with your funds..." Hugo sighed.
"Get off my back Hugey Or I'll swallow your Golgari deck again..." Oscar glared at Hugo.
"Don't you dare!" Hugo throttled him.
Marge decided to campaign for this episode to sort out Lenny's trash talk and cursing.
"Killjoy..." Oscar said coldly.
Plot 2
On the boat.
"So why are you here?" Bart asked Incest Spuckler.
"I wanted to marry outside my bloodline. Dad said no I have to marry a cousin." said Incest.
Bart shivered in disgust.
"Eat your broccoli." said Homer holding some broccoli.
"No.":said Bart.
"Hi diddly ho sailor-rinos!" said Ned.
"D'oh! Flanders why are you here? You love your well behaved kids!" said Homer.
"Well this is practice for sailing an ark in case God wants me to be the new Noah or something." said Ned.
"Well I'm here because Bart won't eat his broccoli." said Homer holding a piece of broccoli.
Homer then contracted scurvy. They haven't even been on the ship for a day!
"Homer when was the last time you had some fruit?" Captain Bowditch asked.
"I had a mimosa a year ago during [Them, Robot]" said Homer.
"Take this man to the sick bay and administer a barrel of limes. He is to eat all of them by the end of this week." said the captain. "As for you Bart. You're gonna have to work twice as hard on this ship."
Bart sighed. Well dad's gone but now I have lots of work to do like swabbing the deck!
"Now crew any questions?" The captain asked.
"Is the poop deck what I think it is?" Sailor Oscar asked.
Everyone except Bart laughed. Bart face palmed.
Homer was taken to the sick bay and given a whole barrel of limes. He reluctantly sucked on the sour fruit after halving them.
"And that's why the Brits are Limeys." said Bart.
"Cut that out!" Oscar snapped.
They swabbed the deck under supervision of Sea Captain and Handsome Pete.
"Arrrrrr! Ye call that swabbing?" said Sea Captain.
"You know Sea Captain. Sailors work better with a sea shanty playing." said Oscar.
"Fine. Handsome Pete, play a tune." said Sea Captain.
The midget clown played The Sailor's Hornpipe with his concertina.
Bart winced exasperated.
Oscar laughed.
Bart face palmed as Oscar danced to the shanty.
...
Church.
Marge went without Lisa, Matt...
Marge was annoyed everyone including Dr Hibbert was trash talking Homer's fantasy football team. Moe simply texted "I kill you!"
So she tried to take the church's WiFi router but got arrested.
Marge groaned.
Hugo winced embarrassed. He spent the sermon reading The theory of evolution by Charles Darwin.
Richard Gere's Temple.
Lisa was meditating.
Peter Griffin was being annoying again.
"Hi gerbil butt!"
Richard Gere had him escorted off the premises by the monks.
Monkey hero arrived.
"Golden Nightmare attack!" A grey monk working for the Nightmare King summoned four monks working for him or under his guidance and they spun around him like that cool boss fight in Monkey Hero.
Lisa winced.
She then sighed because Hugo texted her to say Mom got arrested and that a grown up was needed to look after Maggie and Eric.
Church.
"And now, a moment of silence for the victims of the Shelbyville sinkhole." said Lovejoy.
"Why would we pray for some Shelbyville rats, Reverend? Unless Shelbyville caused the sinkhole and our people were killed." said Oscar.
"Fine. Everyone just Tweet on Twitter for the next hour or so..." said Lovejoy.
After church. Marge was conveniently released from police custody.
"Marge, you forgot Maggie!" Oscar yelled holding Maggie.
"I am a woman on a mission to stop trash talk online!" Marge declared.
"Marge everyone trolls online... even I do..." said Oscar.
Marge sighed. "That's not a good way to make friends..."
"I know. And I'm pretty lonely now my family's gone. I only have you, my foster parents." said Oscar.
"Maybe I should cut off the church WiFi..." said Marge to herself.
"Or maybe not do ridiculous stunts..." said Oscar.
Marge sighed in a huff.
...
The ship.
Shirley Temple as a young girl was singing On the Good Ship Lollipop.
"On the Good Ship Lollipop! It's sweet trip to the candy shop!"
Homer turned into King Kong Homer and ate her. She screamed as he was eating her.
Bart winced.
The Captain gathered them all round for a therapy talk session to get the fathers to love their sons again.
He had already worked his magic on Cleatus and one of his kids as they were crying and hugging.
Bart made a smart Aleck remark.
"Yeah I'm Ishmael and Homer's Moby Dick."
Homer strangled Bart.
Bart whacked him with a lifeboat oar and knocked him out.
The captain who insists on replacing Sea Captain sighed. He had his work cut out with getting Homer and Bart to love each other again.
"It's a two way relationship right? I will not respect that man until he respects me and stops shoving that ugly little green plant in my face!" Bart ranted as after Homer recovered he was waving the broccoli about.
The captain sighed.
"Homer rest at the lime barrel and think of your son's feelings..."
"Why?! Can't you see he's being a brat?!" Homer asked.
The ship initially offered him a barrel of lemons to treat his scurvy but this offended Lemongrab.
"THIS IS UNACCEPTABLEEEEEEEEE!" Lemongrab screamed.
Homer winced.
"Bart that's some nice rope tying. You've grown into a good sailor." said the captain guy.
"Hmmmmmmm... Bart Jojo Simpson as a sailor..." Bart pondered.
There was a montage of him working and swabbing as We sail the ocean blue by Gilbert and Sullivan played.
"Aaaaaaaaagh! Gilbert and Sullivan!" Bart screamed and hid below deck.
The Captain looked baffled.
"And we sail the ocean blue, and our saucy ship's a beauty!" Sideshow Bob sang while swabbing the deck with his son Gino. Yes he will cameo every single episode this season. Where necessary.
Oscar did a "They're crazy!" gesture.
Sideshow Bob plotted to kill Bart while singing The Pirates of Penzance. Gino just wanted to kill butterflies.
Bart cowered below deck while Homer sucked on limes.
...
At home.
Marge was imagining Homer's instructions to log into his Fantasy Football team.
"My team is called Somewhere Over Dwayne Bowe. My password is Annoyed Grunt." said Homer in her memories.
Marge sighed.
Duel Academy.
Syrus Truesdale was being childish.
"Look, I'll drink another glass of milk." Syrus sighed.
(scoffs) "Milk. That's for babies and old guys who can't sleep at night because of what they did in the war." said Hassleberry the dinosaur guy. And he is literally part dinosaur in canon as he has dinosaur DNA.
Jaden sighed. He recalled what Hassleberry told him when Syrus was wrapped up in his blanket like a cocoon.
"Bottled water, canned ham, Mr Fuzzy Bear..."
"Syrus you're 15! Not 5!" said Chazz.
"I know. Just means I am old enough to have naughty thoughts about doing naughty things to Mr Fuzzy Bear." said Syrus. He uses the teddy bear as a sex toy...
The lads were disgusted.
Today they were going swimming.
In the dorm showers.
"Sweet Slifer! Syrus why do you keep a live Kuriboh in your pants?!" Jaden yelled.
"Jaden don't look at my pubic hair!" Syrus yelled.
"You're a freakin' blue yeti!" Jaden yelled.
Syrus came out wearing a towel. "What did you expect..." he pointed to his head hair. Come on look at that hair do! Don't tell me he's not a yeti down below...
Syrus felt Jaden had seen enough of parts of him he did not need to see and quickly put on a diaper and taped it up snug and tight and checked the leg cuffs so he wouldn't leak.
"Ready Sy?" Jaden asked.
"Almost Bro." said Syrus as his diaper crinkled as he moved about.
"Why do you depict him in a diaper..." Hugo sighed from somewhere.
"Because he's cute!" said Oscar.
Cousin Hank seethed.
"Go to your safe space Karen..." Oscar sighed.
...
The ship.
The crew of fathers and sons were lobster pot fishing.
Homer ended up in an amusing situation with his head in a lobster pot of cage with the lobsters inside pinching him. Homer screamed.
Bart laughed.
Anyway despite the thought of sweet buttery lobster. Mmmmmmmmmm...
"Narrator you're drooling on your papers again..." said Bart.
Ahem. Despite this delicious meal. Bart and Homer couldn't eat it.
"I'm allergic to crustaceans." said Bart.
"I had a pet lobster once and I accidentally killed him giving him a bath. Oh Pinchy! (sobs)." said Homer.
The Captain winced.
Oscar gleefully stuffed his face with lobster meat dipped in butter. Mmmmm buttery lobster...
"Oz your drooling again..." Bart sighed.
At home.
Because Bart would not eat his broccoli, broccoli aliens invaded!
Hugo winced baffled as broccoli aliens invaded. Only by eating them could they be defeated.
Apparently the only way the Powerpuff Girls could stomach doing so was to drown the broccoli in cheese.
Marge was unaware of this madness as she worked on Homer's football team.
She sighed as Oscar got into the account and put Tom Brady as Quarterback.
"Oscar not only is he a dishonest player, he beats his wife..." said Marge.
"Yeah Oscar make your own account and team..." Lisa sighed.
"I did. It's based on the Miami Dolphins. Because Dolpha! Dolpha! Dolpha!" Oscar squealed.
Lisa winced.
"Are you acting up just because Bart's not here?" She sighed.
"I am the great Cornholio!" Oscar yelled.
"I thought so..." said Lisa.
The ship.
on the ship Bart excelled at being a sailor, Oscar insisted the uniform was gay and Homer got into mishaps.
Ie getting a lobster cage full of lobsters stuck on his head.
He was too heavy for his hammock and broke a hole in the floor. Water got in and flooded the sleeping deck. Bart winced as the deck was flooded.
Then Homer sucked on some more limes.
Rope climbing was tutored by Captain Birdseye. And his frozen easy to cook fish in bread crumbs.
Bart winced baffled.
Oscar chuckled.
Plot 3
Now we start this chapter with a twist in Bart's favour.
"A Tweeeeeest!" said M Knight Shyamalan.
"Shut up M Knight..." Oscar seethed.
"But one sailor has truly taken to nautical life. I hereby award Bart Simpson the post of midshipman." said the captain. That means Bart gets a fancy hat.
(spits) Bart spat out his drink. "Wow. So now I can give orders?"
"That's right, Mr. Midshipman." said the captain.
"Wait a minute. I'm his father. He can't order me around." Homer whined trying to be an ogre.
"He's your superior officer, so he can and will order you around." said the captain. Bart smirked evilly.
"And what if I refuse?" Homer said defiantly.
He was given fifty lashings by the cat o nine tails. A big sweaty dark skinned crew member with no top on was whipping him.
Homer screamed in pain.
"Mwuhahahaha!" Bart laughed evilly.
"Can he whip me later? I uh get really turned on by being whipped..." Oscar asked.
Bart winced in disgust.
Cousin Hank seethed.
Bart enjoyed bossing Homer about.
"Seaman Homer, you're supposed to be swabbing the deck." Bart nagged.
"Why should I? It's just gonna get dirty again." Homer said bitterly.
"I'm in charge. You do what I say." said Bart.
"Fine. I'll swab whatever you say. Look! I'm swabbing the deck." said Homer sarcastically.
"Then I shall decree to the captain that all broccoli will be thrown overboard!"
Homer growled annoyed.
Oscar shat on the poop deck. He had his shorts and diaper pulled down and was defecating.
"No Oz! Stop taking the poop deck literally!" Bart yelled.
Oscar laughed.
...
At Home.
"The community of Fantasy football is men drinking, trash talk and tired media references." said Oscar to Marge and Lisa.
"More Cowbell!" said Bumblebee Man.
Oscar laughed hysterically.
Hugo face palmed.
Lenny kept Rick Rolling everyone.
"That went out of fashion with the Jim Carey What is love? meme..." Oscar sighed.
"Hmmmmmmm... I guess there are some things you can't fight. Like City Hall..." said Marge.
"Didn't the town get flooded with garbage when Homer tried to do that?" Oscar asked.
Homer was also dejected as Bart, being his commanding officer, threw all the ship's broccoli overboard and got himself a naval tattoo.
"Now that I'm at sea. I've always wanted to eat a parrot." said Bart. "What? It's just a green chicken!"
Iago squawked in alarm. "Jafar! He's trying to eat me!"
Homer winced concerned Bart was trying to eat a parrot.
The other dads made up with their sons.
Below decks.
Lemonhope showed Oscar his weird way of living. He used a giant lemon juicer as a toilet. There was a toilet with the central part of a lemon juicer inside the bowl.
Oscar winced.
Lemonhope also used a lime as a pacifier/binky. He was sucking on a lime like it was a binky.
"Hehehehe. Cute!" Oscar giggled.
Home. Marge was watching Housewives of insert town or state here!
Billionaire wives were gossiping and bitching about their husbands.
A husband was in trouble for getting his wife the wrong coloured convertible...
Then the women sat at a table outside laughing and drinking wine.
Hugo didn't understand what was so appealing about the show.
"I don't understand this show either Hugey..." said Oscar.
...
Duel Academy.
Syrus, Jaden, Chumley, Bastion and Chazz went swimming.
Jaden already finding out Syrus had a teddy bear, drank milk, and wore diapers was mortified to see him inside a floating ring/Inner Tube. In Blighty we call it a rubber ring.
"What? I can't swim!" said Syrus.
"You're 15 years old and you can't swim?!" Jaden yelled.
"No!" Syrus whined.
Chumley Huffington was eating eucalyptus leaves.
Jaden winced.
In the pool their discussion annoyed Chazz so he threw a bucket of water over Syrus, soaking him.
Syrus whined as he was soaked. Also his wacky hair flopped down from being wet.
"Take a chill pill. Short stack..."
"Do you know how much hair glue/styling clay I go through everyday?!" Syrus yelled.
Hugo sat on the rocks in his trunks with Oscar.
"Is it true that you pretend to be cute in order to manipulate adults?!" Hugo asked.
"Pretend?! I am cute!" Oscar gave him the Bambi eyes look.
Hugo rolled his eyes.
In the pool Syrus squirted water at Chazz so Chazz grabbed his floatation ring or life ring off of him.
"No leggo! I need that to swim!" Syrus whined.
Then they were chatting again.
"Hey Jaden the water is warm by Syrus." said Chumley the koala obsessed duellist.
"Um... yeah that's why I'm staying over here..." said Jaden. Eeeeeeeew! Syrus what the hell?!
"Eeeeeeeeeew!" Oscar and Hugo groaned.
Syrus blushed ashamed.
Then Jaden kept taking his towel.
"Jay!" Syrus whined.
"Also why are you guys not wearing trunks?!" Oscar yelled.
Because the anime artists who created Yu-Gi-Oh GX are perverts...
...
On the ship.
Homer was sarcastic when following an order to coil the ropes up properly.
"Homer swab the deck!" Bart yelled.
"Yes sir, three bags full sir..." Homer muttered.
Bart threw an octopus at Homer. It was on his head holding on tight with its tentacles.
"Aaaaaaagh! It's Davy Jones from Pirates of the Caribbean 2!" Oscar screamed.
Bart winced.
Homer with an octopus on his head muffled.
"No Day Jones! You can't have my soul!" Oscar screamed.
Bart face palmed.
Then the therapy bears got out...
"Oh god the therapy bears!" said the captain.
Bears maul everyone.
Oscar laughed hysterically.
Bart winced.
"That's not helping my species and their reputation with humans..." said Teddy mortified.
Then the captain revealed he was a recovering alcoholic. Homer could use some alcohol.
"No you are not putting the captain out of commission to undermine Bart's command!" Oscar confiscated the booze.
"But he undermines mine!" Homer whined.
"You're not entitled to it. Not till you be a father to Hugo!" said Oscar.
Then a kraken attacked!
There was a kraken attacking the ship.
"Release the kraken!" said Hades from Clash of the Titans. The remake.
Bart winced.
Davy Jones also released the kraken. But his um sneezed snot all over Captain Jack Sparrow...
Oscar vomited profusely.
"Gross out humour is funny..." said one of the producers of Pirates of the Caribbean 2.
No it's not...
...
Soon the week was up.
"So honey how was your time together?" Marge asked Homer.
"Terrible. Bart didn't learn anything about mutual respect and the captain promoted him for being a hard working sailor so he treated me like crap all week. Now I'm reduced to a beta dad like Caillou's..." said Homer.
"Look at me Homer! I am the captain now!" said Bart.
"Yes sir..." said Homer.
Marge sighed.
"Also Oscar pooped on the poop deck...l" said Homer.
Oscar laughed.
"Oz that is not funny..." Bart sighed.
"Well Pumpkin undermines me in my story arc. Your friends swear online Homer! I'm trying to stop them!" Marge explained.
Homer rolled his eyes.
Every dinner that had broccoli Bart didn't eat it.
Marge sighed as she collected his plate that was populated with only a few tiny green broccoli trees.
"Damn you broccoli! And damn the Wright brothers!" said Hugo glaring at his broccoli.
Marge rolled her eyes.
Hugo's room, the attic basically.
Hugo had a tiny broccoli tree on a small plate. He was interrogating it.
"So broccoli. Mother says you are good for me... We I'm not good for you! Now die!" Hugo vaporised the broccoli with a blast from his ray gun.
Amusingly in canon of this episode Lisa admits she likes broccoli.
"Can I have Bart's broccoli? I love broccoli." said Lisa.
"You love dying painfully of broccoli poisoning?!" Oscar winced.
"Sweetie just ignore him. You're a very good girl." said Marge baffled by the boys disliking broccoli.
"Lisa how about a sundae instead. In fact go and get yourself a sundae. Marge get the boy to eat his broccoli." said Homer.
"No beta Dad. Now kneel before Zod!" said Oscar, "In this context Bart is Zod."
Marge sighed.
...
Bart then sang I am what I am with Dame Shirley Bassey in the lounge after annoying everyone.
Bart sings I am what I am.
Ru Paul read a newspaper.
"Bart you do realise that song was originally written by an openly gay man for openly gay men..." said Hugo grimacing.
"It can be for many things. My pride in my rebellious trickery..." said Bart.
"Syrus's ABDL tendencies." said Oscar.
"Um no..." said Bart.
Cousin Hank seethed.
"Anyway Homer your friends are so rude online on that fantasy football thing." said Marge.
"That's what you did all week?! Gee Marge! Have a life!" Homer sighed.
"Yeah it was pretty dull so the C plot was Syrus from Yugioh Gx acting in an infantile manner." said Oscar.
Everyone sweat dropped.
"Well I think Bart could use another week on that "Relationship" ship." said Lisa. "He hasn't learnt anything..."
"And that's just the way I like it." Bart said with a smug grin.
Outside on the front lawn.
Bart had to deal with the silliness that happened while he was away.
There was raven Bart headed Professor standing there gawking.
And some broccoli aliens from the Powerpuff Girls cartoon.
Bart sweat dropped.
"They can only be defeated by being eaten." said Oscar.
"Yeeeeuck..." said Bart.
"Then we're all doomed with the presence of broccoli aliens..." said Oscar.
Dino, Oscar's cartoon dinosaur thing that looks like a baby Chomby bit a huge chunk from a broccoli alien's leg and ate the mouthful.
"Ouch!"
"Well I guess Dino saved the day." said Oscar.
...
Homer defeated spent his time at home on his fantasy football team.
"Hmmmmm... Tom Brady as Quarterback. Why not?" Because he cheats by deflating the balls!
Bart in his room was wearing a sailor hat while the Sailor's Hornpipe played while he he practiced knot tying.
In the future, which changed again. Picard and Kirk Simpson we're now military brats. Ie kids with a father in the military. Bart was a sailor.
This made reoccurring antagonist Lt Smash very happy.
"Oh great... I made my insane former naval band manager happy by becoming a sailor..." Bart sighed.
Bart in the present sighed as he saw Lt Smash outside saluting him.
"Welcome aboard, sailor!" said Lt Smash.
Plot 4
At dinner Marge collected up the vegetables the boys weren't eating just to ham it in how spoilt they were being. On the kitchen table was a plate of Bart's decaying pieces of broccoli. Slowly withering and going brown.
On another was some carrots and peas and Hugo was sat there not eating them but synthesising them with science into laxative pills.
And on another plate were pieces of bell pepper of various colours.
"Bleh! Pepper..." said Oscar disgusted.
And Bart's cereal bowls of unfinished cereal built up and up...
Homer gasped. "You're a monster!"
"I'm the monster you made, and I will ruin you!" Bart said in a dark sinister manner.
At dinner Bart spilt a drink deliberately.
Homer gained his alpha again. He pinned Bart down.
"Lick it! Lick it all up you little!" Homer snapped.
The Simpsons sighed.
Also based on a Oscar ageing realistically in season 1. Till I got bored. Oscar's actually now 25 now.
Homer was trying to get in his room to ask him to do some job searching.
"Oz can you open up?" He can't open Oscar's bedroom door. "GOD DAMN IT OSCAR! OPEN UP! RAAAAAAA!" Homer breaks open the door. He recoils in disgust because Oscar is sat on his little wooden baby stool at his tiny table he uses for tea parties with his toys. Oscar is only wearing his underwear and a church tie while pouring tea into Teddy's tea cup. Teddy the living teddy bear is staring at Homer. "Eeeeeew..." Homer groaned.
"Oz you need to get a job and to stop pretending you're a kid..." Homer sighed.
"Bart gets to..." Oscar groaned.
"Yeah that's true, age freezing your characters just to keep the status quo is pretty messed up..."
"So is arguing over him not eating a vegetable..." said Oscar.
Homer frowned at him.
"Homer have you started watching Thicker Than Water again?" Oscar frowned.
"I should be! It's a positive role model!" said Homer.
"No it's not. The dad is a freak..." said Oscar.
Homer seethed. "Get dressed and look for a job!"