Opposites-A-Frack Patty and Selma have to stay with the Simpsons because of an infestation of man-eating Vashta Nerada Black Mould and rampant Resident Evil 7 references. Homer reluctantly accepts but enforces a no smoking rule in the house. While trying to smoke in the downstairs toilet in secret with the taps on they cause an explosion and the Simpsons are alarmed to find the tap water is on fire!
Lisa finds it is because the town is Fracking. Drilling for underground gas. Oscar thinks it's the Fracker from Radioactive Man. They all eventually find out that Mr Burns is fracking despite owning a nuclear power plant.
Lisa and Marge protest this is bad for the environment. Canon Homer annoys everyone by forgetting all the nasty things he did and toadying up to him. And Oscar sides with Marge and Lisa but they're exasperated as his reasons are because Fracking is exactly like that episode of Doctor Who called Inferno with the Primords.
Plot
There's no title gags as we go straight to the episode.
Marge serves Homer a nice dinner of pork chops.
"Whoo! Pork chops with gravy!" Homer is delighted. "Wait. But today's not Pork Chop Tuesday. Or Gravy Thursday!"
"On Thursday we have gravy with biscuits." said Oscar. "Which in America is actually a bit like a large scone."
"I told you not to ever mention biscuits again!" Bart seethed.
"I also set up some mirrors so you could watch hockey fights while you eat." said Marge. Homer could see in the mirrors the TV in the living room. A violent hockey game was on.
"Whoo-hoo! Oh, I love Canadian-on-Canadian violence." Omg! Controversy! "Oh, baby, this is so great! Thank you so much." said Homer eating.
"And so you don't have to see Hugo while you're eating." said Marge.
Hugo frowned while eating his fish heads.
Homer was delighted.
"I'm just happy you're happy." said Marge looking shifty.
"Wait a minute, that's not something people really feel. What's going on?" Homer asked.
"Well, I do have a favour." Marge asked.
Homer groaned.
"Patty and Selma came home early from their vacation that suddenly Oscar was on despite just talking a few moments ago, but the cleaners still haven't gotten all the black mold out of their apartment." said Marge. And this bit is scary!
We cut to Patty and Selma's apartment. There's black mould all over the walls. Exterminators are hosing it with water and fungicide.
Also They're Sus...
"Oz for crying out loud..." Bart groaned in narration.
(deep roar) A giant black hand grabs them and pulls them into the mould where they are never seen again!
Oscar screamed.
"Aaaaaagh! Vashta Nerada!"
Back at the Simpsons.
"So they need a place to stay. Here." said Marge.
(shrieks) Homer screamed.
Patty and Selma came in with Oscar. Patty was holding Ling. Yes Baby Ling.
Oscar looked traumatised by something.
"Paris was a bust. They wouldn't even let us see the Mona Lisa." Patty groaned.
"They kept yelling, "La Joconde! Her smile will die!"" said Selma.
"Also the French got offended by me mocking their cowardice in wars and because I decided to dress as a stereotypical onion seller on a bike..." said Oscar.
Lisa frowned at him.
"No, Marge, no! You can't invite a couple of Riddlers to stay in the Bat Cave!" Homer groaned.
Oscar laughed hysterically. "Riddler in the Bat Cave..."
Bart winced exasperated and frowned at him from the table where everyone was eating.
"You ate the food and looked in the mirrors. They're staying!" Marge nagged.
Homer whined.
"And now the mirrors have your soul!" Oscar bellowed being stupid.
Bart face palmed.
"He's only just got home and already he's being a doofus..." Hugo groaned.
(gruff chuckling) Patty and Selma laughed while smoking. (inhaling, exhaling loudly) Obviously those harmful fumes made them cough and choke.
(Bart, Hugo and Lisa coughing) And the kids coughed too.
Homer pondered an idea. "Hmmmmmm..."
But it would have to wait for the next scene.
...
In the lounge the aunts smoked and took deep breaths of poisonous tar filled fumes while reminiscing about their boring vacation to their nieces and nephews.
"We brought five projector carousels." said Selma carrying a ring of slides for the projector. "Of photos of our trip to Paris."
Homer groaned.
The kids coughed and spluttered from the smoke.
Oscar did not improve things with his nonsense.
"Pantless ducks! Pantless ducks!"
Bart face palmed.
Bart saw something had unnerved him.
"What did you see in Paris that was so horrible Oz. Aunt Selma naked?" Bart asked.
"No..." said Oscar. "It wasn't in Paris. It was when we stopped to check on the black mould in the apartment..." We see the scene with the black mould roaring again and grabbing the men.
(Deep Roar)
Oscar grabbed Bart's shirt roughly.
"They have a severe infestation of Vashta Nerada black mould! We're doomed! Doomed I tells ya! Doooooomed!" Oscar cried.
"Oh for Christ's sake Oz! Snap out of it!" Bart yelled.
Patty and Selma were still boring everyone talking about their vacation.
(gruff chuckling) Patty and Selma laughed while smoking. (inhaling, exhaling loudly) Obviously those harmful fumes made them cough and choke.
(Bart, Hugo and Lisa coughing) And the kids coughed too.
Homer smiled deviously.
"Hmm. Oh, honey, one teensy problem with this plan." He said to Marge insisting her sisters stay. "I'm a teensy bit concerned about them smoking around the children." He picked up Bart. "You know, their lungs are so teensy. Mwah! Mwah!" He kissed Bart and Lisa.
"Hey!" Hugo frowned.
"I'm not kissing you, Freak..." said Homer.
"Kiss me!" Hugo yelled.
"I'll kiss you, honey..." said Oscar being gay...
"Um no buddy... that would be uh... rather gay..." said Hugo.
"Hmm. He has a point." Marge sighed.
"No, no. No, no, we don't have to smoke." said Selma.
"We can stop whenever we want. See?" said Patty. They stubbed out their cigarettes on the carpet and stomped them out. The cigarettes hissed as they singed the carpet.
They grunted alarmed as they had cigarettes in their mouth again.
"Okay, how about this- if you catch us smoking in the house, even one time, you can throw us out on the street." said Patty and Selma.
"You know what? I trust them not to smoke." said Marge.
"And if you trust them, I trust them, too." said Homer deviously. Obviously he didn't trust a word from the hags.
We cut to the next day. Homer is screwing in and installing smoke alarms everywhere. (devious chuckling) "Safety first!" He laughed maniacally.
"Screw this. We'll just go outside. Nature is God's ashtray. " said Patty. The sisters went outside in the fresh air to smoke.
But God didn't want them polluting his fresh air.
Thunder rumbled and lightning struck.
Homer smirked smugly. Patty and Selma soon came in drenched.
"Bad news, bears! Forecasts predict nothing but rain! Gahahahahaha!" Homer laughed maniacally.
"Bears!" Oscar screamed.
Bart face palmed annoyed at him.
The aunts sighed and went upstairs.
However their wet dressing gowns were now see through. So Homer saw their underwear.
He was so horrified his pupils shattered to pieces. Hehehe! Then tiny janitors in his eyes swept up the pieces.
"I want eye janitors..." Oscar sighed.
...
Spinsters Apartment complex.
The man-eating Vashta Nerada Black mould was spreading. And also the Bakers from Resident Evil 7 moved in.
"Where are the damn zombies?!" Fans yelled annoyed.
"Oh is jus' black mold now and us Hill Billies!" said Jack Baker.
Ma Baker screamed hysterically and swore.
Elsewhere to cope with their nicotine addiction. Patty and Selma bought Electronic cigarettes from Apu.
"Please come again!" said Apu.
They got home and explained their purchase to Homer.
"Here we go. Problem solved. Electric cigarettes." said Selma.
(loud inhaling) They smoked the Electronic cigarettes.
The vapours from the Electronic cigarettes didn't set off the alarms.
"Choke on our harmless fumes." said Patty smugly.
"Hmm? Well, if you fall asleep with them, will you even burn to death" Homer whined.
Both: "Uh-uh."
"Oh." Homer groaned.
"Also you can get E Cigs that look like fountain pens so it looks like you're chewing a pen. Great for undermining Marge by secretly vaping with a hipster vape pen... Mwuhahahaha!" said Oscar laughing maniacally.
However Patty and Selma were missing something from conventional cigarettes.
The entrance hallway.
(loud, rapid inhaling and exhaling)
"They call these cigarettes? They don't stain my fingers, my hair smells like hair, and what do I stub out in my scrambled eggs?" Patty ranted.
"It's Fried Eggs, Pats!" said Selma.
"I like my eggs scrambled!" Patty said agitated.
"Sure, it's got the nicotine, but where's the tar? Where's the stab from every breath that reminds me I'm alive?" said Patty.
They saw Homer hadn't installed a smoke detector on the downstairs toilet.
"No smoke detector! Let's roll!" The sisters locked themselves inside.
(both grunting) They got out their beloved Laramies.
"Wait, wait. Turn on the faucet so no one'll get suspicious." The tap runs.
Hugo was curious why the tap was running from there but was doing a desperate Pee Pee dance holding himself as he really needed to go.
(explosion) Boooooom! suddenly the toilet exploded violently.
The hags ran out on fire.
(smoke detectors beeping)
"Ah ha! Gotcha!" Homer yelled. He turned the smoke detectors off with a car beeper keychain. He had two suitcases.
"You can't resist smoking in the house any more than I can resist drinking in the car." said Homer.
"Uh Dad... Drinking while driving is illegal..." said Lisa.
"What happened?" Marge asked. Wondering about the explosion.
"I don't know. The water caught on fire." said Patty.
(gasps) Everyone gasped.
"And now I banish you from paradise." said Homer.
"Hey that's my line!" said God.
"Fine..." said Homer.
"And now I banish you from paradise." said God angrily.
"I'm glad I never bothered to learn which one of you is which." said Homer.
"Please, show some compassion for two good people who just can't stop smoking." said Patty.
"Pleeeeeease! Your Corpulence! Have mercy!" Selma begged.
"Narrator no Zelda CDI memes..." Bart groaned.
"Hmm... hmm. I know just the place." said Homer.
...
He dropped Patty and Selma off at the Springfield Greyhound track where lots of people smoke.
"Hey! I said I wanted my dog back! Not two dames!" The evil git who previously owned Santa's Little Helper yelled.
"No! You're cruel!" said Homer. He drove off.
The scruffy, unlucky greyhound jockey seethed.
Patty smelt the tobacco smoke.
"Tobacco!" They cheered. They lit their cigarettes and smoked joyfully.
"Who needs Paris? This is our City of Lights!" said Selma.
French music played as we pan out into space. The lit cigarettes made an Eiffel Tower.
Damn frogs...
At the Simpsons house.
"Oz stop being racist in narration..." Lisa frowned.
"Never! Cheese eating surrender monkeys!" Oscar ranted.
Lisa seethed.
Hank sighed. "At least he's not filling up the page with diaper fetish crap..."
Oscar grunted and messed his diaper.
"Oh for crying out loud!" Hank yelled.
"Homer! How could you throw my sisters out like that?! They have nowhere to live until that black mould is gone!" Marge nagged.
"Which has gained sentience and is eating people..." said Oscar.
"Marge they broke a promise. They promised not to smoke while staying here..." Homer replied.
"At least return Ling to them!" Marge yelled. Homer was cradling Ling, his adopted niece.
Ling gurgled and squeezed Homer's eyes.
"Ow! My eyes!" Homer screamed.
"Ow! My nose..." Teddy the living teddy bear creature whined as Oscar squeezed his big wet shiny black nose.
Plot 2
The Simpsons house. The downstairs toilet. The tap is still on fire.
Lisa was examining it.
Hugo thought it would make a good Bunsen burner.
"Flaming tap water. I saw something about that in a documentary." said Lisa.
"Avatar the Legend of Aang/ The Last Airbender?" Oscar asked.
Bart face palmed.
"No Oz..." Lisa sighed.
She swiped through her documentaries on her Mypad. "Sad. Sad. Sad. Sad. Sad. Sad."
Oscar looked to see any amusing ones. Ironically for doomy doom gloomy environmentalist documentaries there were some funny ones.
The Forests of Death.
"The Forests of Death!" Oscar yelled.
Bart slapped him across the head for being stupid.
"Ow!"
"Oz... busy swiping..." Lisa sighed.
"Lisa no swiping! Lisa no swiping!" Oscar copies Dora. Hehehe!
Eric Simpson chuckled.
Marge smiled tousling his wacky blue hair.
Bart rolled his eyes embarrassed with his little brother.
"Oz that doesn't work on me... Sad... sad... sad..." Lisa was swiping through her documentaries she had downloaded still.
Next after a few Documentaries was one called "The Desolation of Smog."
"Coooooool!" said Hugo.
"Smaug..." said Oscar being silly.
"No... Desolation of Smog. It's nothing to do with the second Hobbit movie, Hugo..." Lisa sighed.
"Geek..." Bart groaned.
Next was Malibu Stacy Teen Puppy Party.
Lisa blushed. "Um..."
"Lis, that's not a documentary..." said Oscar.
"I know... I have my hobbies on here like Malibu Stacy movies... Episodes of Happy Little Elves..." said Lisa defensive.
"Get back to the documentaries..." said Hugo.
"Ah ha! Here it is! Gas Works." said Lisa.
She played the documentary.
"In this rural community, hydraulic fracturing, or fracking, was greeted as a windfall." People in a town were happy and cheering as a new energy resource arrived. A fracking plant was set up. (crowd cheering)
"By pumping high-pressure liquid into underground shale deposits, fracking releases natural gas, but can lead to devastating environmental consequences."
"Yeah, Doctor Who episode Inferno. Watch it..." said Oscar.
"Shhhh!" Lisa hushed him.
"Geek..." Bart groaned.
Lisa hushed him too.
(whooshes) An old hick yokel set light to his kitchen tap water some how."
"Yep, used to be you could try burning your water all day and nothing would happen."
"Henry, did you remember to turn off the Slip 'N Slide?" His wife asked.
(children laughing) (explosion, kids screaming) Coooool!
"Well, I... reckon not." said the old hick. There was a massive fire outside.
Lisa shuts down the documentary to watch later.
"I liked it when the Slip N Slide exploded and the kids died..." said Oscar evilly.
"I think someone is fracking under our neighborhood. And I know who." said Lisa.
Bart was melting a green plastic soldier with the flames coming out of the bathroom tap. Um okay...
...
A few moments later.
"Bart you're in the next scene..." Lisa sighed.
"Your environmental causes are pointless and boring. We're all gonna die some day anyway... Too busy melting my toys..." said Bart.
"Bart!" Lisa yelled.
Bart sighed and turned off the tap.
Lisa first accused Rich Texan.
Rich Texan's office.
"Rich Texan!" Lisa declared.
The cowboy oil baron gasped.
"Oil wasn't enough so now you're drilling for natural gas! In our neighbourhood!" said Lisa.
"Ah nothing is natural about gas." said Rich Texan. That's asking for a fart joke...
"Yes there is." said Oscar. He farted loudly.
"Eeeeeew!" Lisa groaned.
"Real mature Oz... real mature..." Bart groaned sarcastically.
"Nope not natural at all! Why you can't dance under it like oil!" said Rich Texan counting his money. "Oh this? Nah I don't drill for money. I drill for the victory dance."
He pushes a button on a remote and from out of the floor rises an oil rig. Oil pours out and he dances under it. "Yeehaw!"
Bart, Lisa and Oscar sigh.
Avery Texan, Rich Texan/Shady's gay grandson comes in while texting on his phone. "Oh hellooooo babes!" He said to Bart and Oscar. He sighed glumly. "And Lisa..." He's gay...
At home.
Homer is dismantling and storing away the smoke alarms.
Maggie is smacking the smoke alarms about to get the batteries out of them so she can eat them. Babies are silly...
"He made us watch him dance for three hours, and he really only has one move." Bart groaned.
"If someone was fracking in our neighborhood, wouldn't we know it? Maybe a satellite picture will give us a clue." Lisa pondered.
"Wait! This is my fanfiction and we have two more people to accuse." said Oscar.
"Oh man..." Bart groaned.
Zenith City. Where Radioactive Man Lives.
"Well Gee Bartman, I can see how it looks but I don't think the Fracker has been fracking in Springfield." said Radioactive Man.
"Fraxcellent!" said The Fracker evilly.
Fallout Boy winced. "Jiminy Jillickers..."
"Okay... who's next..." Bart sighed.
"This is wasting valuable time..." Lisa sighed.
UNIT and Slocum Drilling Complex.
"Professor Stahlman!" Oscar yelled.
Stahlman gasped and dropped his papers.
"You're drilling in Springfield to open up a pocket of Stahlman gas which will release Stahlman ooze which turns people into Primordial beasts and will rupture the Earth causing Armageddon! Plus the drilling is waking up the Silurians and they're cranky..." Oscar ranted.
There were some angry Silurians.
Bart face palmed.
At the Simpsons house.
"And then Oscar made us stay in the Doctor Who episode for three hours because he wanted to ride Bessie..." Bart groaned.
"Hmmmmmm!" Marge sighed as they ate dinner.
"What? You already referenced Vashta Nerada. Now you're referencing Inferno with Jon Pertwee!" Oscar replied ina demented manner.
"Back to the satellite images of the town..." Lisa groaned. She looked at a bird's eye view of the town. "Hmmmmmm! That's clearly a fracking site there in that grey box. How are they keeping people away?" Lisa asked.
"Ooooooooo Weeeeeeeee Ooooooooo!" Oscar sang the Doctor Who theme tune.
Bart groaned and slumped over the dining table.
...
Bart, Lisa and Oscar travel to the grey box.
It's a woman's basketball court.
"Ooooooh! It's just women empowering themselves in sport! Which I like!" Lisa groaned.
"Sshhhh!" said a scientist leaving the grey box via some doors he left open.
Lisa curious decided to look inside.
There was a fracking system for cracking the shale deposite to release gas.
"A Hydraulic Fracturing or Fracking facility in our neighbourhood! But who is the mastermind behind this?" Lisa gasped.
"That would be me." said Mr Burns. He was riding on a trolly.
The Simpson kids and Oscar glared at him.
"Oh look what the cat dragged in..." Bart frowned.
"Yes your hostility towards me is noted Simpson..." Mr Burns sighed.
"Mr Burns why are you fracking in our neighbourhood?" Lisa asked.
"Because Evergreen Terrace was built on an enormous deposit of Shale! Imagine all that poor natural gas trapped under there! Under all your shanties and homes!" said Mr Burns.
"Why?! When you have the Nuclear Power Plant?!" Oscar asked.
Lisa smiled. "That's a great question Oz!"
Oscar grinned.
"Because money." said Mr Burns.
"Bingo!" said Oscar dryly.
"Yes. It's cliched." said Mr Burns.
"Fracking also causes earthquakes Mr Burns..." said Lisa.
"And drilling too deep for gas will release green ooze that turns people into monsters..." said Oscar.
"Oz enough!" Bart groaned.
"And now to give you meddling kids what's coming to you!" said Mr Burns as Smithers approached them menacingly.
The kids gasped.
However all that happened was they were escorted outside and given merchandise and balloons.
Lisa gave her balloon to Bart to hold while she spoke.
"Stopping Mr. Burns may be beyond the power of an eight-year-old girl with a book report due on Beezus and Ramona, but I know someone who can help: the first female Speaker of the State Assembly, a politician who would never ignore a fellow environmentalist in need, my hero, Maxine Lombard." said Lisa. She wrote to a liberal environment loving politician. Cough Lisa cares about the environment again episode cough.
"Cooooooool! Beezus..." said Oscar. He was thinking about Bee Jesus...
Bart winced. "Oz what are you thinking about..." He sighed.
Anyway the Fracking started to cause small earthquakes and fissures.
This even concerned Marge and she agreed with the kids the Fracking must stop.
The Fracking also released green ooze. Ralph took some and licked it... Dumbo... He turned into a Primord from Inferno.
Primord Ralph growled.
At the Simpsons house.
Lisa studied and wrote to Lombard.
"Sometimes I think a good fight accomplishes more than all the learning in the world." said Oscar.
"Oz... beating up Mr Burns won't solve anything..." Lisa sighed.
"Yes it will. And it's cathartic..." said Oscar.
Lisa sighed annoyed at his desire for violence.
Maxine Lombard in her mansion read Lisa's letter while exercising on a running machine.
(gasps) "Charge the electric limo- we're going to Springfield." said Maxine.
"Springfield? What about your cool-down period?" Her staff asked.
"What about it?!" Maxine asked.
"Nothing..." said the worker.
"What about your periods in general? Hehehehe... women..." Oscar chuckled.
Maxine frowned.
Simpson house.
Homer is reading a magazine while eating fried chicken. Mmmmmmm! Chicken...
Some limousines arrived outside.
"Lisa! Motorcade!" He called.
Lisa lets Maxine in.
"Assemblywoman Lombard! You got my e-mails!" Lisa gasped.
"I'll go anywhere, anytime, to defend our precious Bay Area values." said Maxine.
She went in the downstairs toilet to see the burning tap.
(gasps) "Terrible! Just shocking. D-Does anybody have a baby we can hold near the flames?" Um?!
"I guess I do." said Marge.
"You are not cooking the baby!" Oscar snapped.
Bart face palmed. "I'll take him outside to the arcade or something..."
...
At the greyhound track. It starts to rain.
Patty and Selma sighed.
"Well we can't go home because of that black mould..." said Patty.
And those floor tile monsters, Crawling Chorus Hugo called them..." said Selma.
Marge pulls up. "Get in."
"What took you so long?" Selma had her hands on her hips.
"Oh today's adventure is about fracking." said Marge.
"Oh a politics and the environment episode..." Selma sighed.
Plot 3
After trying to cook Maggie, Maxine discussed how she was gonna stop Mr Burns.
"I'm gonna hit this Mr. Burns with a politician's most powerful weapon: an invitation to a committee hearing." Or just make a new law making what he's doing illegal...
Mr Burns was taken to a committee court.
Maxine slams her mallet upon the gavel to start the court session.
"Mr. Burns, do you admit that you illegally pump toxic chemicals into the groundwater below Evergreen Terrace?" Maxine Lombard berated him. Actually Fracking just pumps water. Maybe she's an Oz witch!
(indistinct whispering) Blue Haired Lawyer whispered instructions to Mr Burns.
"I... don't recall." said Mr Burns.
"Mr. Burns! Have you no regard for the life and health of your fellow human beings?" Maxine berated him. No I don't think he does Maxine.
(indistinct whispering) Blue Haired Lawyer instructed Burns again.
"I... don't recall." said Mr Burns.
People frowned at him.
"You can't drill underneath people's homes without their permission. As chairwoman of this Committee on Energy, Natural Resources and Blimp Safety, your fracking operation is hereby shut down." Maxine Lombard tapped her gavel.
(groans) Mr Burns was annoyed.
"Yaaaaaaaay!" The Simpsons and their neighbours are cheered.
At his mansion in front of the fire Mr Burns ranted to Smithers. "I demand to see that capitalism-castrating suffragette this instant!"
He visited Maxine at her mansion.
She was frowning and crossed her arms.
"You haven't bested me. I will find a way to shatter that shale." Mr Burns ranted.
"What makes men like you think you can do whatever you want to our planet?" Maxine Lombard yelled.
"Maybe the planet wants a strong man to take her by the hand and lead her." said Mr Burns. Lol sexist!
"You don't know what the planet wants." Maxine replied.
"Oh, and I suppose you do?" Mr Burns asked annoyed.
"The planet wants to be protected and nourished and maybe even... Kissed." said Maxine. Um...
(both moan) They make hideous old people love! Eeeeeeeeew!
"Eeeeeugh!" Oscar groaned and threw up.
"Imagine if that happened with Governor Bailey in season 2? When Bart caught that three eyed fish?" Teddy, Oscar's living teddy bear asked.
"Don't remind me!" Oscar whined. He puked again.
"Why was I given dialogue here?! I hate you! You diaper wearing freak!' Hank seethed.
Oscar sticks his middle fingers up at Hank.
Later after Monty and Maxine's rather weird affair...
"Okay that was weird. A hardline Republican sleeping with a bleeding heart liberal." said Mr Burns.
"Yeah this could be embarrassing. For both of us." said Maxine.
...
Mr Burns's office.
"I'm not beaten yet Smithers." said Burns. "All I need is permission from everyone in Evergreen Terrace before I can start fracking there."
Smithers poured him a cup of tea.
"I need a salesman, a stooge to sell Fracking. Someone who lives in Evergreen Terrace..." said Mr Burns.
He brings in Homer.
"Let me get this straight... you want me to help you with your latest evil plan to build a Hydraulic Fracturing Fracker in my neighbourhood." Homer pondered.
"It doesn't cause mutations and leave behind toxic waste. So I'm doing this thing you call good..." said Mr Burns.
"Forget it Nr Burns. I might be an idiot but I remember all the evil things you've done to my family!" Homer took the sensible option.
Cue flashbacks of Mr Burns running over Bart, trying to take Bobo from Maggie, Groping Marge, Trying to kill Grampa and Bart, Bongo, Mona etc.
"Fine... Get out of my office. You're fired!" Mr Burns snapped.
Homer left. Another Homer arrived.
"I'm canon Homer. I'm so dumb I forgot what you did to my family! I'll support your evil scheme!" said canon Homer.
"Excellent..." said Mr Burns.
At Home.
The Simpsons were annoyed at Homer.
"But my job " Homer groaned.
"Our water is on fire!" Marge yelled annoyed.
"But my job!" Homer said annoyed.
"Homer grow a soul or listen to your heart for once and go back to working for Seth and Munchy!" Oscar snapped.
"I like status quo!" Matt ranted.
"Shows need to evolve you hack! Stop making Homer a toadying jerk!" Oscar snapped.
"Fracking doesn't pollute the environment!" Homer explained annoyed.
"It causes earthquakes!" Lisa yelled annoyed with him.
Homer scoffed.
"It would release Stahlman's ooze and cause Primords like in Doctor Who!" Oscar yelled.
"Oz knock it off already..." Bart groaned.
"No! It taught a valuable lesson not to drill too deep!" said Oscar.
Hugo winced.
"Well I'm doing my job Mr Burns pays me terribly for but somehow we have enough to live on. Now do I dress as a checkered shirt construction site worker or wear my Evil Homer costume?" Homer insisted on being a jerk.
The Simpsons glared at him.
"And why are these hags back!?" Homer yelled as Patty and Selma arrived.
"They have nowhere to live while their apartment is infested! And they're Ling's parents!" Marge yelled.
"Marge, no job means no pay check and no food..." Homer seethed.
...
The drama continues.
"Homer you're always doing terrible things! Stealing cable! Pirating movies! Gee perhaps it's you Bart gets his bad behaviour from!" Marge ranted.
"Hey!" Bart whined. He was ripping up the carpet again.
"Hey! I am not to blame for the brat! Don't judge me!" Homer yelled.
"Oh we will judge you!" Marge retorted.
"Hmmmmmm!" The Simpsons and Oscar glare at Homer.
"No!" Homer whined.
"Hmmmmmmm!" They judged him.
Homer huffed annoyed.
"Hmmmmmmmm!" Still judging him.
"Oooooooooh! Fine! Stick with Nuclear Power and it's radioactive waste..." Homer sighed.
At Work.
Mr Burns-was trying to explain to Canon Homer Fracking didn't cause mutants like radiation does.
Charlie the blond guy with glasses arrived at Homer's work station. Charlie was now a glowing mutant with six eyes and tentacles glowing an eerie green.
"Um Sir..." said Mutant Charlie.
"Oh dear God!" Homer screamed.
At home.
"Judge! Judge! Judge! Judge!" His family were still guilt tripping him.
"Look what radiation did to Charlie at work!" Homer yelled showing a photo of Mutant Charlie on his Myphone.
"Eeeeeeew!" The kids groaned.
"Cooooooool!" Oscar cooed.
"Our water was on fire!" Marge yelled.
Homer glared while showing them his Myphone with the picture of mutant Charlie.
"Fracking causes Earthquakes!" Lisa yelled.
Homer seethed, frustrated with his family.
Homer in his Lumberjack shirt tried to convert the neighbourhood.
First he went to see Skinner and his mother.
"Ooooooh! Seymour! Sit up straight!" said Agnes.
"I'm trying to sell Fracking here! You old bat! And you momma's boy!" Evil Homer groaned.
Then he tried to sell it to Moe.
"No I still hate Burns after smog from his diagonal oil rig got my bar shutdown by health inspectors." said Moe.
Homer groaned.
Then he advertised Fracking to Luigi the exaggerated Italian chef.
Luigi was opening a big can of Generic Pride Ravioli.
"Um..." Homer winced.
"I err... Can't ah cook...' said Luigi.
...
At home.
The Simpsons were annoyed with Homer.
"Why of all the times does he want to do his job?!" Marge ranted.
Then Evil Blond Barney from the season 1, 2 and 3 episodes bursted in.
Marge gasped.
He picked on the kids. "Urrrrrrp! I'm annoyed for some reason! Lord Palmerston!"
"Ugh! Pitt the Elder!" Lisa grunted as he grappled her in a submission hold.
"Hey, Barney! Pick on someone your own size!" Homer yelled.
"Okay. You!" said Evil Blond Barney from the old episodes.
Elsewhere Oscar was annoying Fallout Boy while they both fighting the Fracker. Oscar wanted to have some pretty weird super powers like fire farts...
"What's the point of having powers if you don't use them for stupid things?" Oscar whined while flying about in a cute superhero costume.
Fallout Boy winced.
Elsewhere people were protesting against fracking.
"Well that's good! Maxine is rounding up supporters." said Lisa.
"Well," Marge smiled. "I said this years ago when your brother caught that fish. I'm a Bailey Booster. But I can be a Lombard booster too."
Lisa smiled at her mom.
Homer seethed.
"Now you lot listen! You're defying my boss! I could lose my job!"
"Our neighbourhood is far more important than your job!" Marge replied.
"Judging you!" Lisa seethed.
Homer huffed annoyed.
Oscar came in. "I filled the upstairs toilet with oatmeal again..."
Marge grumbled.
"Oz why?!" Bart yelled.
He went to see Mr Burns who for some idiotic reason he was toadying to. It gets worse later on. We still have the Great Phatsby to get through...
In the Power Plant cafeteria. "Homer sort out your family! Mr Burns transferred us to start work on his Fracker but we're in limbo with nothing to do until he gets permission from everyone!" Carl whined.
Homer sighed.
He went to the donut box. It had a sign saying "Take one." He took all of them and smooshed them into a giant donut. Hehehehe!
"Homer you're not supposed to do that..." Carl sighed.
He went to Mr Burns's office chewing the donut.
"How's my salesman doing?" Mr Burns asked.
"Ugh... My family are firmly against the fracking..." Homer sighed.
Mr Burns seethed. "I don't understand! Fracking is less harmful to the environment than Nuclear energy!" He paced up and down.
"Um sir, the earthquakes..." said Smithers.
"Oh pish posh..." Mr Burns dismissed this concern.
...
At home. Um it's a holiday or something.
Marge tapes police tape around the downstairs toilet declaring it out of use while the tap is on fire.
"Kids no using this bathroom. Especially for number twos..."
"Yeah Oz, especially you after you've stuffed yourself with extra beany spicy chilli burritos from Taco Bell..." Bart sighed.
Oscar laughed.
Marge sighed. "Bottom eruptions are not funny Oz... especially near naked flames..."
"Guys this fracking business is serious... we don't need this juvenile scene..." Lisa groaned.
Oscar chuckled.
"Oz there is more to mirthful and witty comedy than infantile gags about noxious emissions from your anus..." Hugo groaned.
"Hehehehe! I like the planet Uranus..." Oscar chuckled.
Marge sighed.
Flannel shirt Homer was still trying to get permission signatures but was insulting some citizens doing so.
At Moe's
"With Fracking you can sell all the new tourists beer Moe!"
"Burnsie filled the bar with oil fumes and put me out of business!" Moe sighed.
At Luigi's.
"Get Fresh Italian ingredients Luigi!"
"This ravioli is fresh!" Luigi said annoyed. It's in a can...
"Left handed crap!" Homer was at Ned's Leftorium.
Ned punched him.
"Ow! Wrath is a sin!" Homer whined.
Then he insulted Christianity in front of the reverend.
"Magical nonsense!"
"Oof!" Homer was kicked out of the church that day for being rude about Christianity.
"Baby pee pee cutting magical nonsense." He then insulted Judaism in front of the new rabbi.
"Oof!" He was kicked out of the synagogue.
And so on.
Homer groaned. "Ooooooh! I'm gonna lose my job because everyone is stubborn..."
Plot 4
Spinster's Apartments.
The lonely bachelorette apartment complex for single women was now overran with Doctor Who monsters. Particularly Vashta Nerada black mould and Primords from Inferno. Oh and the Bakers moved into one of them to eat rotten body parts and um help Neo Umbrella spread the black mould.
"We want zombies! We want zombies!" Resident Evil fans protested.
Jack Baker sighed and shut the blinds of the abandoned apartment his family were occupying.
"Come here, my pretties!" said Marguerite Baker.
"Oh here come the flying monkeys..." Oscar sighed.
In one of the rundown apartments there was a drunk chimp with black fur holding a sniper rifle.
"Coooool!" said Oscar.
Teddy winced.
The Third Doctor was at Slocum's drilling platform telling Professor Stahlman to stop the drilling.
"It will destroy the world!"
"Yeah while you're at it, can you talk some sense into Mr Burns over Fracking..." Oscar asked.
"Indeed I shall." said The Third Doctor.
A Primord bursted into the room.
"Oh god! A killer Richard Pryor!" Oscar screamed.
"No Richard Pryor jokes... Okay?" The omnipresent narrator sighed.
Oscar pulled a silly face at the fourth wall.
Elsewhere at Castle Dracula, Which I recall was a mansion on Grimly Hills but whatever...
"See, this is why I hate inviting people over to my castle." Count Dracula sighed as Homer wearing an orange lumberjack shirt turned up wearing a necklace of garlic and holding a hammer and stake.
"Um I'm here to advertise how wonderful fracking is you vile, unholy fiend!" said Homer.
Dracula hissed at him, baring his fangs,
"Homer you jerk! That's my best friend's dad!" Oscar yelled. "Uh I'm friends with Ace..."
"Sign over your land to fracking?" Homer asked.
Dracula exasperated slammed the castle doors on him.
Homer groaned.
Oscar went home to the Simpsons house. Possibly to eat all the Cap'n Crunch.
...
At home. The Simpsons bickered over Burns's fracking.
"Marge! I'm a Burns Booster!" Homer snarled.
"Well I'm a Bailey Booster! And I'm also rooting for Lombard. She seems nice. Cares about the planet." said Marge.
Lisa smiled at Mom.
"Marge! Lombard isn't paying my wages! Lombard won't fire me if I don't support her!" Homer snarled.
"Dad we're not letting the horrible old man frack here..." Lisa yelled.
"By the way, I'm a vaccine booster." said Oscar.
"Reeeeeeee! Big pharma! Reeeeee! Brainwashing!" An Antivaxxer lunatic screamed.
The Simpsons winced exasperated.
Oscar threw a spear at the Antivaxxer, it pierced their chest and they died.
"Oz you can't force medical compliance..." Bart face palmed.
Then they bickered more.
"Oh you inhuman-!"
"Marge stop being so stubborn!"
"Why you inconsiderate buffoon!"
Hugo sighed depressed.
"I hate hearing Mom and Dad fight.."
Lisa nodded and agreed.
Homer went to see Mr Burns.
"So you have nothing in common with your woman? Eh?" Mr Burns opened up to him and didn't call for Crusher and Lowblow.
"Marge likes sushi. I like gum that has juice inside." said Homer.
"I love sushi! And bubble gum with juice/syrup inside it." said Oscar.
"Marge likes Rom Coms. I like that movie where one day a year, murder is legal." said Homer.
"That's Purge..." said Oscar.
"Well I have nothing in common with that bleeding heart Lombard." said Mr Burns.
"Yet you slept with her.. Ugh... old people love..." Oscar groaned in disgust.