I Won't Be Home For Christmas A Christmas episode for season 26. Hopefully with vampire Santa or something insane.
Plot
The title gag is Rich Texan riding a sleigh pulled buy flying oxen.
"Yehaaaaaaw!" Rich Texan cheers as he jubilantly fires his guns into the air.
"Merry Christmas sweeties! Love yooooou!" Avery Texan wearing a rainbow coloured pride scarf wished everyone a very gay Christmas...
Rich Texan sighed and frowned at his gay grandson.
"Oh look Teddy! Flying burgers!" said Oscar in a biplane with Teddy. He considered the flying cattle to be flying burgers...
Teddy rolled his eyes.
The billboard gag is the Grumple holding a sharp knife. "It's killing season!" was the caption.
Oscar winced unnerved.
"Also why is there a billboard stating the different dates of Christmas for Orthodox and Catholics?!" Teddy winced.
"Haw Haw! You have to open your presents after the new year!" Nelson laughed at the Greek Orthodox priests From Dark Knight Court/24 Hours.
The priests shrug.
The chalkboard gag is "Reindeer meat doesn't taste like chicken. Bart is dressed like a Christmas elf in green elf clothes again.
Oscar bawled and sobbed. "Don't eat Rudolph!".
Bart rolled his eyes.
Santa Krusty was eating Rudolph.
Bart snowboards home. Wheels have no traction on ice.
Also there were polar bears mauling Willie or something... A polar bear roars.
The couch gag is the um Disney's Frozen one...
The Simpsons arrive at couch made of ice sat on a frozen lake. Lisa dressed as Elsa sits on it.
Bart dressed as Kristoff decides to hurl a snowball at Lisa.
Lisa glares at him and uses her ice powers to pull a huge ice palace from the ice forming the surface of the lake.
"Ay carumba!" Bart yells, dangling from a turret by his underwear.
"She needs to let it go... Let it gooooooo!" Oscar sang.
Lisa smirked.
Homer as Olaf arrived. He pulled off his carrot nose and chomped on it.
"Bleeeugh! Carrot!" He threw the carrot on the floor.
Santa's Little Helper as Sven the elk/deer ate the carrot nose.
...
The episode stars with the Nuclear Power Plant, it is polluting the air with smoke, the chimneys in turn have holiday wreaths on them, Smithers was probably in charge of that as Burns is a humbug.
Kids are skating on the frozen, radioactive lake. The toxic lake is glowing green under the ice.
Oh Tannenbaum is playing. That's Oh Christmas Tree in English.
Suddenly the ice cracks and kids fall in the lake. They scream as they fell into the radioactive waters.
Comic Book Guy and Kumiko are at home watching The Star Wars Christmas special. Aaaaaaagh! It burns!
"You are about to see the worst half-hour of television ever." said Comic Book Guy to his wife Kumiko.
"All righty then." said Kumiko.
"Feh!" Comic Book Guy puts the tape in the VCR.
"We're all on Blu-ray players now!" Oscar heckled. Comic Book Guy sighed dryly.
They watch the horrible, horrible Christmas holiday special...
C3PO and R2 are running a soup kitchen for all the aliens to eat who are homeless.
The Mos Eisley Cantina band plays that one Cantina song. Doo doo doo! Doo doo doo doooo!
"Okay, R3, let's serve up some soup." said C3PO.
Darth Vader with Terminator face was helping at the soup kitchen too. Um okay...
(whistling) R3 is acting as the cauldron to boil the soup in. He makes beeps and whistles. C3PO serves some green soup to the blue elephant guy.
"May the sauce be with you." said C3PO. A studio audience laughs.
"Booooooo!" Oscar jeered.
"Oh, since when is soup sauce? This is so non-canonical." Comic Book Guy sighed.
"You have every right to be furious." said Kumiko.
Comic Book Guy sighed. "Now I can't be a miserable old Scrooge on Christmas because I fell in love..."
Darth Vader, Mrs Vader and all their little Vader children are having Christmas dinner, in the Bespin City's white dining room...
Oscar cracked up laughing. "Gahahahaha!"
"Oh, it's as bad as I remembered, and I haven't watched it since yesterday." Comic Book Guy sighed.
"Horrible, yet enthralling." said Kumiko.
Actually the Holiday special was absolutely dire because it mentions Chewbacca's family...
...
We then cut to Hans Moleman's house... Hehehehehe... Moleman...
He gets a Christmas card in the mail.
"Hooray! A card from Dr. Hibbert." said Moleman.
The red card reads "You've tested positive."
Moleman gasped horrified. Ie he has some sort of illness...
Inside the card it reads "For a very Merry Christmas!" There's a photo of the Hibberts in a nice Christmas photo. Hehehehe... cute...
Moleman sighs relieved. "Phew!"
There's a note in the card folded up. He reads it.
"Also you actually tested positive. See me on January the 5th. Happy Holidays! Dr Hibbert."
Moleman groaned. Poor Moleman...
"Well this is some Christmas, Lightning..." Hans said to his pet tortoise or in American, turtle. Yeah he has a tortoise...
The tortoise grunts and chews on some lettuce.
At the Power Plant a three-eyed crow squawked.
Homer is closing down for the night.
"I'll be right home, honey. I just got to lock down the reactor for the evening." Said Homer. "Tight as a drum."
"See you soon!" said Marge at home, on a ladder. She's putting the star on top of the tree. The ladder wobbles.
"Bart, hold the ladder still!" Marge nagged.
It's revealed Maggie is holding the ladder and looking very worried.
Marge gasped.
Bart is upstairs in his room playing a violent video game.
Down in the living room the ladder is lying on the floor and Marge is sitting in a heap as if she had fallen. She grunts.
"Oh! Wish Homer was here." She sighed.
Homer appeared as Genie from Aladdin. "D'oh!"
"Homie can you hold that ladder?" Marge asked.
"Marge dear, you know I'm Genie full time now Robin passed away! So that means every time someone wishes for something I have to leave my scene to grant the wish! I'm supposed to be at work still!" Homer as Genie explained.
Marge sighed.
"Wish for the Nile..." Oscar rasped.
...
Homer is suddenly as if by magic back at work. He is locking up.
"Simpson!" said Mr Burns.
Homer gasped. "Mr. Scrooge!"
A studio audience laughed. Mr Burns rolled his eyes.
"I'm Mr Burns..." He explained.
"Time for your holiday gift." said Mr Burns.
"Ooh!" Homer coos. Don't be too excited Homer...
"In your name, a donation has been made... (groans) ...to the Salvation Army." Mr Burns trying his best to be selfish but uh someone made him give something, he reluctantly made a donation in Homer's name, and possibly with his Christmas bonus...
Homer looks crestfallen.
"Also you'll be visited by three spirits tonight." said Mr Burns.
Homer screamed.
"No, wait. That's my schedule." said Mr Burns.
Homer sighed relieved.
"Smithers, We need to cancel the 10:30 spirit." said Mr Burns.
"Yes sir." said Smithers.
"Burnsie you deserve a night cap on Christmas though..." Oscar smirked. A cymbal rattles. "Get it? It's a double entendre... ghost spirits? Alcohol spirits?"
Everyone groaned exasperated with him...
"Ugh... tough crowd..." Oscar groaned.
Outside the plant, Oscar plays I won't Be Home For Christmas by Blink 182 on his Mypod and jams to it as he heads home.
The plant toots the end of the day whistle as everyone heads home for the holidays.
At the school, which closed down on the twentieth for the kids. Now it's closing for the staff too.
"Happy Holidays Willie." said Skinner.
"Ach!" Willie heads to his shack.
He gasps because the ghost of Sir Robert Burns is there. Aka informally Rabbie Burns.
"Ach! Listen here Willie you daft gommy! You'll be visited by three spirits tonight!" said Rabbie Burns.
"Ach I know! Whiskey, Cider and Gin!" Willie smirked. A studio audience laughed. "I have a serious drinking problem..." He sighed.
Rabbie Burns face palmed.
...
At home Marge lays the table for dinner. She hums as she lays the turkey and side dishes.
There's a scare chord when she put down a tin of Pineapple Plopper Ham.
Oscar gasped horrified. "Oh my god! You killed SpiderPig!"
"You bastard!" Kyle swore.
Marge face palmed.
Bart groaned flustered. "I'll find him something to do..."
"MALKOFOFET!" Oscar screeched.
Marge's phone rang. "Hello?"
"Heading home, baby." said Homer.
"Homie are you driving right now?!" Marge frowned.
"I was just letting you know-"
"Don't use your phone and drive! It's illegal now!" said Marge. I'm sure it always was...
Homer sighed while driving home and talking on his cell...
"Oz can you not be pedantic over such things..." Bart sighed.
"Nothing's gonna stop me now." Homer said on the phone while driving through town.
"Right that's it!" Oscar yelled.
Queen are suddenly singing on the town green near Jebediah.
"Don't stop me noooooooooow..." and so on and so on.
Homer winced.
"Does Queen need to be there..." Bart sighed.
"Your dad made a reference..." said Oscar.
Bart face palmed.
Then something ironic happens, like having ten thousand spoons at Boyce Avenue's wedding.
"That's rain... ding dong..." Teddy groaned.
A snowman was stood outside Moe's. Homer screamed as he crashed into it.
He groans and gets out of the pink car.
"Maybe a drink will help me with my driving." He moaned. That's dumb...
He sees the pile of snow that was once Frosty.
"Oh god no! That's the third holiday character I've ran over this year!" Homer screamed and lamented.
He then decided to follow script and find comfort from his hit and run upon a holiday mascot in the form of drinking liquor, at Moe's...
Moe arrives dressed as a Slavic old lady pushing a pram. He sheds his disguise and takes out a bottle of beer. He then sets light to the pram it goes up in flames quickly, to his alarm.
"Man those things go up fast!" He remarked.
...
The Zörker house, painted to resemble lederhosen and with Christmas lights on it.
Üter and his parents were singing Oh Tannenbaum.
"It's Oh Christmas Tree, you Krauts!" Oscar yelled.
Plot 2
The Simpson house. Marge is setting up the Christmas music on the TiVo app.
"Lets get this house into a festive mood before your father gets home." Marge flicked through the stations.
She selects Hip Hop Hosanna. "Yo yo yo! Bring it babe! Man waste that foo!" Black rappers are heard, then machine guns firing.
Marge looked unnerved and disgusted by the hip hop.
Bart in a red hoodie grooves to the hip hop. "Yo yo yo Mom! Bring it! Merry Christmas homies!"
Oscar face palms.
Marge sighs and switches the app to another station. Country and Wenceslas.
Country and Western plays.
The kids groan in pain and cover their ears. Marge sighed
"Turn it off!" Bart whined.
Marge cycles through the channels. The third is called Norwegian Death Metal Holiday Hymns.
Extremely loud Death Metal music shakes the house with bass.
Bart and Marge clutch their eats in agony because of the loud Death Metal music.
Oscar rocks out to the Death Metal because he likes the music... he does an air guitar.
"I don't get it! You like this?!" Bart yelled trying to make himself heard over the loud Death Metal
Oscar swings his head about while doing an air guitar.
Marge sighed. She switched to the last station. A Vin Scully Christmas. A baseball sports channel. Santa is holding a baseball bat and he has ripped muscles...
"No! Mulder and Scully!" Oscar yelled.
Bart face palmed.
A baseball commentator speaks. Possibly Vin Scully... I have no idea who Vin Scully is...
"...and the baseball exclaimed as it flew out of sight, this ballpark is shorter in left field than right."
Oscar laughed. "There's no such thing as a right field...
Bart groaned slightly annoyed.
"Martinez swings and misses." said Vin Scully.
Maggie makes a model ice crystal on a stick as a Christmas decoration. I think it was the star from the tree that got broken earlier because Bart wouldn't hold the ladder...
Eric just blew bubbles. Unlike Maggie, he's not a very smart baby...
"Yes! I'm recording this during a game." said Vin Scully.
Bart rolled his eyes.
"He also provided an ample amount of silver for fighting werewolves..." said Oscar.
Bart gawked at him.
"Can we please have the Norwegian Death Metal back on..." Oscar groaned.
...
Suddenly we cut to the Hon. Henry X. Harper from Miracle on 34th Street, the 1947 version.
"Since the United States government declares this man to be Santa Claus, this court will not dispute it." said The Hon. Henry X Harper.
"Oh my god! Live action people with five fingers and no overbites! It burns! It buuuuuurns!" Oscar screamed.
Bart sweat dropped.
"Oh my! They're hideous!" said Marge.
Homer and Moe are also watching the movie.
"This court will not dispute it."
"Few people know that verdict was overturned in the sequel." said Homer chuckling.
Moe gave him a hard look. "Homer there wasn't a sequel... There was a 1994 remake, with that old timer from Jurassic Park in it..."
Homer rolled his eyes.
Back at the house. Oscar is feeding Teddy his food, most house holds feed their pets at six.
He was feeding his Teddy some salmon.
"Oz what are you feeding him..." Bart asked gawking at Teddy's food bowl that was on the floor.
"Baker salmon with dill and lemon." said Oscar.
"What the?! Oz yiu don't need to waste such fancy food on your pet!" Bart gasped. Oscar frowned at him. "I'll open a can of dog chow for him..."
Teddy growled at Bart.
"Bart he doesn't like dog food... and he's not a dog,.. he's a bear..." said Oscar. Bart winced hearing despite after 25 years that Oscar has a pet bear... "He eats fish... like a cat but a lot more of it..."
"Shall I give him some cat food then..." Bart sighed.
"No! Let me look after my pet how Teddy expects me to!" Oscar snapped.
Teddy was grateful for his salmon. "Thanks buddy." said the bear cub as he ate his salmon.
"Haaaauuuuw!" Oscar squealed.
"Not while I'm eating buddy..." said Teddy.
Bart sighed.
At Moe's. Homer looked at his Myphone. It was late...
"Oh I better be going!" said Homer.
"Wait Homer!" Moe wanted his company.
" Moe... I better be heading home to my family." said Homer. Even the mutant and the screwy, diaper wearing wacko..."
Moe seemed lonely.
"Enjoy your evening with your wonderful... uh... neon sign." said Homer.
"Yeah, last year I broke it just so the repairman would come." said Moe.
"Okay that's dumb... You have Barney, Lenny, Carl, Green Hat Guy and Larry..." said Homer.
...
Moe sighed. Barney came in.
"Urrrrrrp! Merry Christmas Moe!" said Barney.
"I just have to put the roast pigeon on Barney..." Moe sighed.
"Grrrrrr! This is an episode where Homer annoys Marge!" Matt seethed.
"Fine... have him be rude in the Swanky Fish again..." said Oscar.
Matt seethed.
"I'll be fine..." Moe sighed while cooking Christmas dinner for himself and Barney.
"Hey, um, you gonna be okay?" Homer asked Moe.
"Oh, yeah, yeah." said Moe. "Oscar's right, Matt, our God has forgotten Barney has Christmas with me so I'm not really lonely."
Matt seethed as he turned a deeper shade of red. Stop forgetting your own canon!
"Are you sure?" Homer asked.
"Just super." said Moe. He sobbed.
"It's just that... you know, I lost my ma at Christmas." said Moe.
"Oh. Well I lost my Mom in season 19, but Oscar insisted in letting her live and killing Mr Burns. Then my nephew Hank threw a tantrum about it." said Homer.
Moe gave a quizzical look.
"She took me to a mall, and I never saw her again." said Moe, weeping.
"I'm pretty sure I melted her by pouring water on her because you had a photo of a witch and water melts witches..." said Oscar being daft.
Homer rolled his eyes.
"Also according to Jeremy Irons as your bar rag you were raised by a yeti..." said Oscar.
Moe gawked at him.
"Long live the king..." said the bar rag in the voice of Scar from Disney's The Lion King.
"Oz seriously..." Homer sighed.
"But I'll never forget that image of her bolting for the parking lot." said Moe.
"What about the image of her melting after I splashed her with some water..." said Oscar.
Homer sighed flustered with Oscar.
"Okay, okay. I'll stay for one beer." said Homer sighing.
"Okay but not out of pity..." said Moe.
Homer leaves, suddenly he feels something grappling onto his leg.
"Pity! Pity! Have pity! Look, I'm wrapped around your leg here!" Moe pleaded.
Homer sighed. "Moe you have Barney..."
Matt seethed.
"Moe I promised Marge I'd be home on time..." Homer grunted as he dragged Moe with him because Moe wouldn't let go of his leg.
"Fine... I'll stay for one more beer..." Homer sighed.
...
The Simpsons house. Marge was making a gingerbread diorama. There was a gingerbread Sideshow Bob stepping on a rake and it flicking up to smack him in the face.
Bart gulped. "Mom, must you include Sideshow Bob...?"
Marge sighed. "I included him getting humiliated..."
"Mom, when is Dad coming home?" Lisa asked, noticing Dad was late.
"I'm not sure." said Marge concerned.
"Yeah where is Homeboy?" Bart asked.
Marge frowned. "Bart! Address your father properly!"
"Homeboy..." Bart said defiantly.
"Daddy..." said Hugo correcting him.
"Homeboy..."
"Daddy..."
"Homeboy..."
Marge and Lisa rolled their eyes as the twins bickered.
In the front lounge Oscar had the radio on. It was playing Rocking Around the Christmas Tree.
"Have a nappy holiday!" Oscar sang while dancing about the Christmas tree in just his diaper.
"Haw haw!" Nelson who was outside and at the window, laughed.
Oscar blushed embarrassed.
"Oh don't worry about him dear, you can be cute over the holidays if you want." Marge smiled.
Bart rolled his eyes and frowned. He was freaked out by Oscar being babyish and wearing just his diaper.
"Where is Homer by the way?" asked Oscar swinging his crinkly, diapered tush.
Marge sighed. She had a very good idea where Homer was right now...
"Aw, it's Christmas Eve, man! We do not want to set a precedent for fat guys being late tonight!" said Bart groaning.
Marge frowned at Bart because he was body shaming others.
"Abd I don't want us setting a precedent for the big baby here twerking in his diaper..." Bart seethed.
Oscar who was wearing only his diaper glared at Bart.
"Bart stop picking on him!" Marge scolded Bart.
Teddy the living teddy bear creature was sniffing Oscar's diaper with his big wet shiny black nose. Oscar sweated and blushed.
Marge sighed. "Oscar... don't let your pet do that to you..."
...
Moe's.
Homer was drinking beer while keeping Moe company.
"Moe pull my cracker..." said Barney holding a Christmas cracker.
Matt seethed.
"Barney, God is ignoring his own canon again over our Christmas nights together, you might as well go home." Moe sighed.
"Yeah, why is King Toot different looking now?" Homer asked.
Matt stormed off.
Homer frowned at Matt. "Never mind the halls. I'm about to deck you in the-"
Matt erased him with the eraser on the end of a giant pencil.
"Homer don't provoke God..." Moe sighed.
Meanwhile at Dr Hibbert's HMO surgery. He is finishing his shift before the holidays. His last patient is one of Santa's elves.
The elf is having an X-ray. Candy canes appear on the X-ray image instead of bones.
"How odd..." said Dr Hibbert.
"Oz that was a silly joke... Elves do not have candy canes instead of bones..." Bart sighed.
"Just give it to me straight doc..." the elf sighed.
Dr Hibbert chuckled. "A Hehehehehe!"
Oscar teleported in. He was thankfully dressed in appropriate outdoors clothes and not just his diaper.
"Come on, elf boy. I wanna see what my insides look like..." Oscar whined.
"Kid I'm 45, and this is a very serious medical examination I'm having..." said the elf in a manly, deep voice.
Oscar sighed. "Nothing is ever what I think it is..."
Back at Moe's.
"I'm happy on Christmas Eve. And for once it's not 'cause some drunk left a wallet on his stool." Moe sighed.
Homer felt guilty about something. "I should really get home to my family..."
Apparently smiling hurts Moe... "Oh all this grinning is starting to hurt..."
Plot 3
Simpsons house. Patty and Selma arrive. They hug Bart and Lisa too tightly.
Bart and Lisa grunt and squirm.
"I see no sign of the land whale... aka what you call Homer." Patty noticed Homer hadn't arrived.
Marge grumbled. "Yes, I'm so disappointed in him right now... he promised he'd be here..."
Selma shrugged.
Oscar was loafing around and generally getting under everyone's feet. Suddenly his stomach groaned as if he needed the bathroom. He winced, however he didn't have much time to ponder his groaning stomach as he was stricken with cramps from his lower colon. Oscar grunted and then there was a wet, cartoonish splattering sound as he messed his diaper.
"Eeeeew!" Bart groaned.
"I suppose you're disappointed in stinky pants too..." Patty frowned at Oscar.
"Everyone just stop picking on him!" Marge snapped. "Oscar can't help having accidents."
Patty gave an unsympathetic gaze and rolled her eyes.
Marge checked Oscar's diaper bu pulling at the waistband. He made quite a mess. "Oh you've made quite a mess dear..."
Oscar blushed.
Marge fetched his pack of very large diapers meant to fit a nine year old. The packet was empty. "Oh! Fiddlesticks! And Homer is still not home yet..."
Her sisters roll their eyes.
Marge pondered if it was a good idea to ask them for help with Oscar's toilet needs, ie to go out buy some diapers for him. However she also considered given their ignorance towards him that this maybe a bad idea.
"Could you run out to the store and get me some diapers? For a handicapped third grader..." Marge asked her sisters.
"Hell no!" said her sisters rudely.
Oh, he's already double-loaded, And if it leaks, it'll ruin my green dress!" Marge whined. She was carrying Oscar.
Her sisters frowned.
"I'll get a rash..." Oscar frowned. "And if I do, I'll be very cranky..."
Bart grimaced while holding his nose.
"Ugh... that's just nasty..." Hugo groaned, also repulsed by the stench.
...
Moe's.
"And now, Homer, it's only fair that I give yous a gift. I'm gonna set the clock in the bar to the correct time." said Moe pleased with Homer for giving him company.
Moe adjusts the clock to the right time.
Homer gasped. It was very late!
"Hey, what the... (gasps) I am so late!" Homer gasped as he fled.
Oh god! And he's looking directly at the camera! Aggggh! Forward facing characters!
Moe sighed, he was alone in his bar. There was a mouse eating cheese.
"Whoa, whoa. It's the night before Christmas! Stop stirring, you!" said Moe as he told off the mouse. He then clobbered it with a baseball bat. That's just mean!
At the Simpsons house.
Oscar groaned as his stinky diaper was giving him a rash.
Marge grumbled as she checked the clock on the hearth.
"One night. The one night of the year I want Homer home with his family, and he can't even do that." she seethed.
"I thought she was gonna say one night in heaven..." Oscar said to Teddy. Teddy face palmed.
"Christmas is a great time to dump him. If you do it now, you won't have to watch the Super Bowl." said Patty.
The twin sisters cackled.
Marge gave a vexed look. However she was even more angry with Homer.
Oscar groaned because of his diaper rash.
Meanwhile Homer drives home in a hurry. "I'm late! I'm late! Just like that stupid white rabbit!"
He runs over the white rabbit from Alice in wonderland.
He pulls up at the house.
Inside everyone can hear a car's tires screech as if the vehicle stopped suddenly.
"Uh Dad's home... finally..." said Bart.
Marge grumbled.
"He's boned..." said Oscar.
Homer comes in. "Merry Chri-" Marge is glaring at him. "Uh oh..."
...
"Homer J Simpson!" Marge yelled.
Homer gasped.
"I never thought I'd say this to someone I cared for, much less my husband, but I'm saying it now." Marge seethed. "I don't want you here on Christmas!"
Everyone gasped.
"Marge, think about what you're saying." Homer stammered. "It's Sir lsaac Newton's birthday."
Hugo grinned. "It's true!" He said delighted showing his nearly empty gums with only a few teeth left in his upper jaw because he lost the rest to scurvy.
Bart rolled his eyes.
"I want you out of this house!" Marge shrieked with a fiery temper.
Homer gulped.
Then Marge stopped and thought. Homer could redeem himself and get some needed groceries. "Hold on. I am furious with you and I want you to go out and think about your selfishness tonight." Marge explain in a sharp tone.
Homer was on his knees ready to plead.
"But You can do one thing for me while I think of our marriage..." Marge seethed.
"Y-y-yes dear?" Homer asked, quivering.
"Oscar has run out of diapers, and he's made quite a mess in the one he's wearing. I need you to go to the store and buy some, you know the very large ones for third graders..." said Marge.
"Uh... Uh... certainly dear!" Homer heads off to buy Oscar some diapers.
"And remember. I'm very disappointed in you right now!" Marge seethed.
Homer gulped as he drove off to the store.
"Yeah? Well, good luck assembling all those toys without him..." Graggle frowned. He um likes Homer despite his faults...
"We already did it." Patty and Selma had assembled some toys. Ie some old fashioned ones like wooden trains and Jack in a boxes.
"Aaaaaagh! The ghost of Marge future!" Graggle screamed.
Oscar gawked baffled by Graggle's response.
Marge made her usual annoyed "Hrrrrrmmmm..." grumble as she was very disappointed in Homer tonight.
She was so angry she stuck Grumple stickers on Homer's face in all the photos on the walls.
Oscar grimaced.
...
We then bounce between Homer and Marge as they think to themselves over their argument they had tonight.
Marge is sticking Grumple stickers over Homer's face in photos and putting out plates of gingerbread men.
"Uh why are some of the gingerbread men Kang and Kodos and the rest are Tracey Ullman versions of ourselves..." Bart winced.
"Frosty Chocolate milkshakes..." said the retro Homer gingerbread man.
Marge sighed.
Homer was going to the store to buy some diapers for Oscar.
He's worried about Marge's mood. "She'll forgive me." He told himself as he drove past several stores.
There was a store with a banner that read: "Lego Simpsons, 90% off!"
"Call back..." said LEGO Homer.
"Shut up!" Fleshy Homer yelled.
"Should I forgive him?" Marge ponders. She seems very disappointed in him this year.
Oscar picks up her thoughts because of his psychic powers. Probably not... he thought as he glanced at her. But then again you were cold with him just for not listening to you at lunch when you both went to that sushi place.
The kids were helping themselves to cookies from the cookie platter.
"Ugh... Christmas trees for the girls, bloody spear heads for the boys..." Lisa sighed.
Hugo smirked and poked everyone with his bloody spear head cookie.
"Especially this time..." Homer felt he has a valid reason for being late home.
He passed Swapper Jacks it was shut down. The notice in the window stated why. "Shut down due to Ebola outbreak caused by us using monkey meat."
"Not this time..." Marge told herself in internal thoughts. She was very disappointed in Homer.
"It's Christmas... she has to forgive me..." Homer thought as he drove about.
"With this marriage in this much trouble he has a lot of thinking to do..." said Marge.
Or drinking...
"I wonder if there's birds on the moon..." Homer daydreams. Yes! Moon birds!
Every Christmas the moon birds fly down to Earth to sing their wonderful song.
Homer wasn't the only one driving about having an internal monologue.
Chief Wiggum and Lou were sat in a patrol car outside Lard Lad's, the donut store.
"I wonder if Lou knows I'm the secret Santa?" Wiggum thought to himself.
"What cheapskate gives corn cob holders in a Secret Santa..." Lou thought with a frown.
...
Homer goes to Moe's for some reason.
Moe is singing karaoke inside.
"Silent night... Holy night..."
Homer winced.
"Moe, what are you doing?" Homer asked.
Moe was busy singing along to Silent Night.
"Voice too poor for karaoke. Shutting down. Bye now." said a Japanese voice from the karaoke set. The device and TV it's connected to all power down because of Moe's awful voice.
Moe sighed.
"How's Midge?" Moe asked.
"She's mad at me for coming home late... I was late because I was keeping you company..." Homer scowled.
Moe sighed in a weary manner.
"Oh and you left your wallet." said Moe picking up a brown wallet off of a bar stool. He looks inside at Homer's driving license.
"Whoa! You're restricted to only drive to and from work?"
"Yes because of the drunk driving..." said Homer snatching back his wallet.
"Which this episode completely neglects to follow up on! Since Homer drove home from your bar after drinking there!" Oscar rants. "Also hurry up with the diapers... ouchies! My butt burns!"
Homer sighed.
Moe chuckled memorising Homer's license. "Oh thanks Santa... weight... 239... who are you fooling Homer..."
Homer glared at Moe.
"Moe can we kiss under the mistletoe..." Barney smiled.
"No!" Moe gasped horrified. I think Barney has a crush on him...
"Anyway I better be going. This bar has got me in enough trouble tonight..." said Homer.
Moe frowned as Homer left.
James Stewart as George Bailey was walking around. "Why is everyone ignoring me?"
"Because this is a dream about a world where you were never born to show you how important you are to everyone you ever met.." said an angel.
...
Homer stops at the Kwik-E-Mart.
He is looking at the bread and wine...
"Why do you need bread and wine?" Oscar sighed as he has to follow characters around during their scenes.
"Well Jesus served it at the last supper. What a cheapskate... bread for dinner..." said Homer.
"It's symbolic!" said Jesus seething. "Also it's my birthday yet you mortals give each other gifts?!"
"Actually we have no scientific proof you even existed. Yet we have proof ie birth certificates that Sir Isaac Newton existed and was born of Christmas Day..." said Oscar.
Jesus scoffed and vanished.
"Okay stinky pants, what would Isaac like on his birthday and Christmas?" Homer sighed.
"I dunno... an apple?" Oscar asked.
"Actually old chap, I grow tired of receiving fruit every year." said Sir Isaac Newton.
Homer passes the till.
"Hey, pal. Can't believe you have to work Christmas Eve." Homer sighed to Apu.
"I don't celebrate this holiday! I'm Hindu!" said Apu sharply.
"Yeah we know you worship Dumbo, Big Papa Smurf and Johnny Six-Arms..." said Oscar.
Apu seethed.
Homer goes down the baby care aisle, where products for babies are sold ie baby food and diapers.
Homer looks for the package with way too old to still not be toilet trained kids in pyjama tops and training pants on the front of the bag of diapers.
"D'awwwwww! The Pampers has a baby teddy bear cub on the box..." Oscar cooed.
Teddy grimaced and rolled his eyes.
Homer picks up a large pack of diapers in Oscar's size and takes them to the till.
"Why are you not at home celebrating your winter holiday?" Apu asked.
"Marge is mad at me for coming home late..." said Homer.
"Thank you Ganesh for helping me stay single..." said Apu.
Homer sighed.
"The diapers are 2.99. Or you could just pay 800 dollars to fly Oscar to Denmark and put him down like we do to sick animals here in America..." said Apu.
Oscar stuck his middle finger up at Apu.
Homer sighed and paid for the diapers.
Plot 4