Chapter 17 The Shadow of Death
Thanks to my mom for her real drowning story and the loving place she felt that day and still remembers.
Sorry for the delay, I've had some health problems. God is working things out.
POV FRANK
Joe pushes an unconscious Silaoc out of the window. I hold my breath as Silaoc falls into the life net.
Before Joe jumps, an arm drags him from the window. Staris jumps as the building explodes.
Joe is dead. I killed him. Just like I killed Tony.
"Pull back!" the Fire Chief shouts.
A paramedic tries to move me back. I knock him out with one punch. I run to the flames. I'm inches from the fire when someone grabs my shoulder. I'm caught off balance and fall.
I'm lifted in a fireman's carry. Before I can free myself the building explodes again. We're blown yards from the inferno.
Who kept me from saving Joe? I will kill him. I open my eyes and see … Dad.
I lift my hand to punch him. Sam catches my fist. Another explosion rocks the street.
I want to fight. I've got to get Joe. But my world turns dark.
FRANK THREE HOURS LATER
"He's got a concussion and two broken ribs," Sam says. "Doctor said he should regain consciousness any time. He'll make it."
That explains my pounding headache and why my chest feels like it's breaking apart every time I breathe. I'm too tired to open my eyes.
The beep of monitors and the steady push of oxygen into my lungs tell me I'm in the hospital.
"I almost lost him," Dad says. "If you hadn't helped me pull him back from that burning building…"
"We got him," Sam says.
"I'm scared," Dad says.
Dad scared of anything is a new concept.
"Scared I'll lose him too," Dad whispers.
Too? What else did Dad lose?
Joe loses things. Last year he lost the keys to his Mustang. Somehow they ended up in his freezer. Every time Joe loses anything, I ask, "Did you check your freezer?" It drives him nuts. Which is why I do it.
Where is Joe?
"He'll never forgive me," Dad says.
"You saved his life," Sam says.
"He won't see it that way," Dad says.
He sounds scared. What could scare Dad?
My head pounds with every breath. I stop fighting the darkness.
FRANK SIX HOURS LATER
I force open one eye. Sam sits by my bed, asleep in an uncomfortable hospital chair. I groan as the room tilts.
"Frank?" Sam whispers as he wakes.
"Joe?" I ask.
Talking hurts. I inhaled too much smoke.
"What do you remember?" Sam asks.
"Fire," I croak.
"You and Joe were trapped inside," Sam says.
"Joe?" I whisper.
Sam won't meet my eyes.
"I went back for Joe. Someone stopped me," I whisper.
"Me and your Dad," Sam says.
"I could have saved him," I mutter.
"Frank, listen. You weren't going to save Joe. You were going to get yourself killed. If you want to blame someone, blame me. I was the one who saw you running toward the fire. Your dad just outran me," Sam says.
"Joe?" I ask.
"The building is unstable. Crews can't search it," Sam says.
"How long?" I ask.
"Eight hours," Sam says.
His eyes tell me Joe is dead.
The logical part of me knows this. But I want my brother.
A canvas duffel bag sits on the floor.
"I picked up a few things from your condo," Sam says.
"Dad?" I whisper.
"He's making arrangements," Sam says.
Arrangements for Joe's funeral.
I have to get out of here. Joe hates – hated hospitals.
"Out," I whisper hoping Sam understands.
"Dr. Snyder wants to keep you here for a week. I knew you wouldn't stay," Sam says as he unzips the duffel bag.
Sam helps me pull a black baggy t-shirt over my head. My arms are covered with scrapes and burns.
I pull on a pair of black sweatpants inch by agonizing inch. Sam puts on my socks and sneakers.
Dad pushes a wheelchair into my hospital room.
I have nothing to say to Dad. Nurse Doyle pushes my wheelchair out of the hospital. She gives
instructions, but my head is pounding too hard to hear.
Sam pulls his brown Buick up to the hospital entrance. Dad helps me into the backseat of Sam's car. I tolerate him because I can't do it alone. Dad climbs in the front passenger seat and buckles up. Sam drives off.
I am an outsider.
Dad and Sam are partners. My partner died saving my life. From now on I work alone. I don't trust myself to watch anyone's back. Not after Joe.
Sam drives by the still smoldering building site. Through the rain, I see piles of brick blackened with smoke and soot. Parts of the building are still smoking. From the debris I can tell Joe is dead. No way could anyone survive what I'm seeing.
We pull up to the church. Dad and Sam help me inside.
I see a gold casket. A framed picture of Joe sits on top. It's real. I'm an only child.
Dad puts his hand on my shoulder. I move away so his hand falls off.
Raw anger surfaces.
"Why did you stop me?" I ask.
"Sam, could you get us some water?" Dad asks.
"No, I'm staying," Sam says. "I told Frank I was the one who spotted him running into the burning building. I'll take the blame."
"Must be nice to have a partner who has your back," I say to Dad. "I'd have a partner if you hadn't stopped me."
Dad kept me from saving Joe. He put me in this hell.
"Frank, you would have been killed," Sam says.
"Maybe I didn't want to be saved," I whisper.
"Joe wouldn't have wanted that," Sam says.
He's right. Joe dragged me to a window and pushed me out. He couldn't walk in the parking lot. How did Joe save my life? How did I let him die?
Dad's phone rings.
"Hardy," he growls.
Dad's face falls as he listens.
"No, I can't go," Dad says. "You don't understand. My son is dead."
Dad hits the off button on his phone.
"I could have saved him," I whisper.
"No," Sam says. "You could have thrown your life away after Joe died saving you."
"My choice," I say. "You shouldn't have stopped me."
I'm talking to Dad, but Sam gets between us.
"Frank, you're angry. I get that. Joe's dead. But you don't get to take it out on the person who saved your life," Sam says.
"This is family business, Sam. Stay out of it," I whisper.
"Not when you're taking blows at my partner," Sam says.
Con Riley appears at the door.
"Fenton, I'm sorry to interrupt but Interpol wants to speak with you," Con says. "They ordered me to find you."
"Con, I'm waiting for news on Joe," Fenton says.
"I'm sorry, but I've got my orders," Con says. "If you refuse, I'm supposed to take you into custody."
"Go ahead Fenton," Sam says. "I'll stay with Frank."
"He's right," I say. "I'm used to you disappearing. I wish you'd disappeared at the fire."
Pain flashes in Dad's eyes.
"Frank, he doesn't have a choice," Sam growls.
"I'll be back as soon as I can," Dad says.
"We'll be here, Fenton," Sam says.
Dad and Con leave.
I'm not surprised. Except usually when Dad was gone, Joe was here.
I feel alone and empty.
Sam's phone rings.
"Radley," he growls. "I see."
He disconnects.
"That was the fire captain. They recovered Joe's body," Sam says.
"I want to see him," I whisper.
"Frank, there isn't enough left to see. The explosions didn't leave much," Sam says.
"I want to see him," I repeat.
"And I want to make sure you remember Joe as your brother, not a collection of body parts," Sam says.
"Joe's gone. I'll never see him again," I whisper.
Emptiness fills me.
"Frank, is that what you believe?" Sam whispers.
Science is my god. I believe in logic. Cold, hard facts. Like Joe is gone forever.
"Frank, when I was a kid there was a dam near my house. I played in the water a lot. One day a big kid named Jimmy bought his canoe. I wanted to show off so I hung on the side of the boat," Sam says. "Jimmy told me to let go, but I wouldn't. Jimmy paddled out to the middle of the dam."
Sam looks away for a minute. He bites his lip.
"I couldn't swim. But I was scared to get any further away from the shore. So I let go. I kicked my legs, but I sunk like a stone. I kept going underwater and coming up. I'd try to grab a breath, before I sunk. Finally, I didn't come up," Sam says in a soft voice.
"I sank like a stone. And…I still remember …I felt this incredible love. Frank, I was in another place. A better place. A place I didn't want to leave," Sam says.
I can't think of anything to say.
"I think Joe is there. He's with Iola," Sam says. "He's happy. You'll see him again."
Could it be real? Does God exist? I want to believe Sam, but I can't.
I close my eyes. I take a calming breath. Nothing helps.
I need proof. Scientific proof.
I close my eyes and try to pray.
You want me to believe. You raised Your son from the dead. Give me back Joe. Then we'll talk.
POV JOE
Cold. Wet. Where am I? I splash against the dark water of the harbor.
My legs and arms are too numb to move. I start to sink, but my feet touch bottom.
I stagger to shore and collapse.
My head hurts. My ears ring. What happened?
I have no idea. I shiver in the cold, night air.
Who am I?
I'm terrified when I can't answer.
I smell smoke. Squinting I see a small campfire five feet away.
Rocks tear my skin as I pull myself to the fire.
I collapse as I feel it's warmth.
"Hey, this is my fire," someone says.
I squint. A blurry male in torn jeans and a ripped jacket comes into focus.
"You want to share my fire? You got to pay," the raspy voice says.
I feel hands frisk me.
"No ID or wallet," the voice says. "But you got a watch. That'll do for now."
I feel him slide something off my wrist before I black out.