Memories Are The Worst Nightmares

Chapter 26

Frank

Failure. I am one.

What is Joe fighting alone?

Was this how Joe felt the past two years?

Joe's scared of driving me back to that dark place – my depression. Logically, I understand. But the only thing more terrifying than my depression is losing my brother.

I collapse on my bed. Physically I'm exhausted, but my mind won't stop spinning. What if Joe never confides in me again? I don't blame him. I was MIA for two years.

But the thought of losing Joe's trust drowns me in guilt and grief.

I failed Joe. My eyes drift shut as I remember the first time I failed my brother. I almost got him killed.

Seventeen Years Ago

I had turned 11 yesterday. And I was full of myself. 'd just turned 11. Joe and I were walking on a sunny, summer day after an afternoon of baseball at the playground.

"You did good hitting that homerun when the bases were loaded," I say.

"Wish Dad could have seen it," Joe says.

"I'll tell him," I say.

Things have been rough since Joe's final report card. All Cs. I hated myself for getting As.

"I hate Dad! He's making me go to summer school when I passed everything! I'm stupid! Why can't Dad just let me be dumb!"

"You're not stupid!" I shout.

"Yeah, cuz everybody studies for hours to barely pass! Maybe I'm retarded like everybody says!" Joe yells.

"Who?" I ask, planning to have a "talk" with them.

"Everybody. Everywhere. Dad says no sports until I get better grades, but I can't," Joe whispers.

I saw Joe study for hours to pull those Cs. Sports are the only reason he doesn't give up. I'v

"I'll never be good enough for Dad," Joe says. "If you were Dad's only child, he'd never be disappointed."

I don't want to be an only child!

"Hey, where's the nearest gas station?" the driver of a black van asks.

Before I answer, the biggest guy I've ever seen jumps out the van's side door and grabs me. He shoves me into the van. No time to fight or think.

He slides the van door shut until Joe jumps in the van.

"Run, Frank!" Joe shouts.

But I can't move. Fear paralyzes me.

Joe jumps on the big guy. He sinks his teeth into the big guy's arm.

"DID YOU BITE ME?" the man shouts.

The man throws Joe into the van. I wince when his body hits the metal van wall. He slides into an unconscious heap.

"Claw, move it!" the man shouts.

I feel the van swerve onto the road.

"Easy! Don't want some cop pulling us over for speeding!" the man shouts.

"Sorry, Skull," the driver shouts.

Skull wipes blood off his face. Joe scratched him from his left eyebrow down his nose. I see Joe's teeth marks on Skull's right arm.

"Nobody messes me up and lives," Skull says, glaring at Joe.

I'm terrified. This guy wants to kill Joe. How can I protect my brother?

"Hey Skull, when do we get paid?" Claw asks.

"Half when we deliver the kid, half when he's dead," Skull says.

I'm going to die.

Skull is pure muscle and covered with tattoos. I can't believe Joe attacked him… for me.

I hold an unconscious Joe in my shaking arms. My ten-year-old brother fought a monster to save me. He could have run. But Joe didn't. The bloody lip, swelling bump on his forehead and bruise on his jaw show what protecting me cost Joe.

I need to take care of Joe, but I'm trembling too bad. So I hold Joe. I try talking to him, but my voice won't work.

When the driver turns off the engine, I realize the only thing scarier than being in the van, is what happens when we get out.

"I'm gonna break your brother in half," Skull says.

I tighten my arms around Joe.

How do I protect him? How do I get Joe out of here?

"Leave him and move it," Skull growls.

I know if I leave Joe, I'll never see him again. I'm not brave like Joe. So I do something I've never done before … I beg.

"P-p-please," I whisper.

"Carry him and I won't kill him," Skull says.

I try to stand, but my shaking legs won't support me.

"Thirty seconds," Skull says, getting out his gun.

I grab the van wall and pull myself to my feet. I grit my teeth and grab Joe.

I've got to do this! I can't get Joe killed!

I try to sling Joe over my shoulder. But I'm trembling too hard. I lose my balance. Joe and I land on a heap on the van floor.

"You'll like being an only child," Skull says.

"If you were Dad's only child he'd never be disappointed," Joe's voice echoes in my mind. W

I try to untangle myself from Joe, so I can protect him. But before I can, Skull fires his gun.

I can't stop screaming.

JOE

Alone. I'm still alone. Just like when Frank was mourning his breakup with Callie.

I want to tell him everything. But I won't risk Frank falling apart. I'm not like Callie. She almost destroyed him. I never will. I'll destroy myself first.

I grab my phone and hit Undefeated by Skillet.

Hands on my neck

Foot on my back

Closing in from every side

Bleeding me dry

I'm fading fast

I flashback to Shark beating me. Telling me if I make one sound …even a whisper …he'll kill Frank. I can't take on Shark again. My leg still isn't a 100 percent. And what if Shark goes after Frank? If I don't warn Frank, Shark could kill him. If I do tell Frank, my brother could disappear again into a dark void. I'm trapped. There's no way out.

No, I'm never alone

And it's all that I need to survive

Through the sweat and the blood,

If I fall, I'll get up

Off the leash, out of the cage, an animal

I'm not alone. Never alone. Even when I can't unload on Frank.

Frank screams over my music.

Frank never screams.

I run to his bedroom. Frank thrashes on his bed, screaming at the top of his lungs and fighting an invisible enemy.

"Frank! Wake up!" I say, and put my hand on Frank's shoulder.

Frank puts his hands around my neck and squeezes.

Black spots dance in front of my eyes. I claw at Frank's hands, but he's too strong. The one person I trusted with my life is about to kill me.