Chapter 2
It took a while to devoid herself of Mic's personal effects. The more places she looked, the more Mac found something that belonged to the Aussie. A shirt here, a pair of socks there. The pictures - there had been so many framed pictures - scattered around the apartment.
Wedding photos, engagement photos and even candids from the reception had been displayed like a timeline of their relationship. With each new one that appeared, certain other photos vanished like that of Bud and Harrist's wedding and even little AJ's christening. Any image with Harm simply disappeared, something she didn't catch right away and only noticed when Christmas came around.
She was packaging her normal decorations, making room for an assortment of Holiday decor when she saw a frame with no picture. It once proudly displayed the photo of her and Harm holding their godson, Baby AJ.
They appeared to be a happy couple, parents to a newborn and maybe she had fantasized about that future once upon a time. Until…well, until the man she'd fallen hard for disappeared to an aircraft carrier, leaving her behind.
That kind of sense of abandonment was selfish, Mac knew but she couldn't deny the way she felt, it was impossible to. So she entertained friendly night outs - not dates, never dates - with Brumby not knowing he was slowly breaking her down.
How they wound up married was her fault. She'd been hurt and like a wounded animal needed some kind of saving. Mic Brumby provided all of that and more. He gave her the promise of a husband, a good life and possibly the children she'd wanted so badly. He promised her the World on a silver platter, all Mac needed to do was to reach out and hold on forever.
They could have been happy, she thought to herself. They should have been happy if her own failure as a wife hadn't manifested itself on the last night of their honeymoon.
Three weeks in Australia sounded Heavenly even if it meant chipping away all of the leave she had on the books. Her thirst for adventure and exploration would be quenched and all that time alone should deepen their bond. All that time with Mic would make her forget that Harmon Rabb Jr existed.
An itinerary was meticulously crafted by Mic who insisted he knew best when it came to his country. She wouldn't disagree even as her husband changed some of her plans to suit most of his own. There were relatives to visit, of course. Aunts, uncles, cousins and close friends who couldn't make it to America for the nuptials.
The Brumby matriarch, Daphne, was particularly vocal over the changes, pushed back by Harm's crash, which caused a little rift between the couple. In truth, the woman only stated the obvious that an engaged woman shouldn't be so worried about another man.
Her comment hit a nerve, "The 'other man' as you call him is my best friend. He's rescued me from death and he's…he's…nevermind." It was right to walk away because the truth would sully the wedding more than it already had.
She hadn't realized how attached Mic was to his mum, almost to an obsessive degree. It might have been an endearing trait at first but then became one that Mac loathed. His attachment meant a weeklong sleep over at Daphne's home instead of the hotel he promised.
The cozy two-bedroom was nestled near the sea. A quaint cottage of sorts with thin walls, vintage kitchen, ugly wallpaper, creaky wooden floors and an equally creaky metal bed in Mic's old bedroom. It wasn't the dream honeymoon she'd envisioned and the good moments were being crushed at Mic's insistence to show off his new bride like a trophy.
"You don't have sex?" She'd caught a morning conversation between mother and son, one that made the coffee she drank go down the wrong pipe.
"Sarah thinks the bed is too noisy." Off her wide eyed expression, Mic only shrugged and laughed. "It's true, luv."
"You're not the first he'd had in that bed dear." Daphne said with a chuckle and suddenly Mac wished the ground would turn to quicksand and swallow her whole. "Here's hoping you're the last."
"Mum!"
"Michael, hush. Sarah, if you prefer, I could leave the house this afternoon. I have groceries to buy, new plants for the garden… My grandkids won't make themselves, you know. And God knows you're not the Virgin Mary." Daphne padded Mac on the tummy, a gesture that felt more creepy than loving. "Enjoy each other."
That was how they'd wound up in a luxury hotel in Sydney with views of the iconic Opera House and Harbour Bridge. Mic wasn't happy with the decision but wisely said little else if he planned on getting laid.
Unfortunately, the location left a bittersweet taste the moment Mac stood at the window. She almost cried when the bay came into view, its ferries crossing the blue waters, one of them still carried her pride. At Mic's insistence she found herself aboard said ferry traversing under the same bridge that sealed her fate so long ago.
"You know they wrote "Eternity" on this bridge... in lights... on New Year's Eve."
"Is that how long we're going to wait?"
Even with Mic's arms wrapped around her, the heat of her husband's body providing some comfort, her mind was on Harm. She never fully understood what he wanted from her that night or why he seemed so jealous when she was around Mic.
The very second she tried to challenge him, Harm pushed back and ran cold. He only seemed to want her when she belonged to someone else, like like a jilted lover. It was his actions, the indifference and snide comments that pushed her towards Mic, a man she learned to love. He was the peace Harm never would be.
As they crossed under the bridge, she turned and fused her mouth to Mic's, giving him a taste of the night that would follow. "Take me to bed, I'm not hungry anymore."
"I think you are hungry Sarah…for me."
That night sex was passionate, lengthy and for once, really good. She gave into him body and soul except, in Mac's mind it wasn't Mic above her - it was Harm. His name crossed her lips in the throes of passion not once but twice and what came next was hell on Earth.
Accusations of an affair and a slap against her cheek that Mac couldn't stop were warranted. In the middle of the night Mic went straight home to his mum leaving Mac in an empty hotel suite until they met at the airport two days later. He came with a cooler demeanor and one ultimatum: "If you want this to work, you're never to speak to him again."
"You can't tell me who to be friends with."
"No but I can leave you and spread the kind of rumors a woman with your checkered past won't survive."
"If you love me-"
"If you love me, Sarah…you stay the hell away from Rabb, goddamnit!" That would be an easy task because, by the time they'd made it back home, Harm was gone.
Now Mac stood in her living room, a free woman but one that was much more broken than before. She'd finally found the guts to go through all of the boxes with remnants of their marriage that Mic had left behind when she kicked him out of her home some months ago. One was full of letters.
Most of the envelopes were from guests at the reception and a few others had been mailed from Australia. They'd all been opened at some point, the monetary gifts set aside and 'thank you' cards mailed to each well wisher. What Mac hadn't noticed were the two unopened envelopes nestled at the very bottom of the box, hidden under a flap. No, not unopened - resealed, as evident by the thick glue stuck to one of them.
One envelope was quite large with the most beautiful handwriting she'd ever seen. The words "La Jolla" were stamped onto a corner revealing the sender even before she searched for the name 'Burnette.'
She was cautious to open the envelope, a little fear making her heart race as she pulled out an ornate card along with a check made out to her and only her. A thousand dollars was no small sum, especially coming from a couple that had no relation to her.
In fact, she'd met Harm's mom only once along with her husband, Frank when a case sent them to Coronado to investigate. Harm insisted she join them for dinner and what ensued was one of the most pleasant evenings of her life.
His parents were delightful, Harm's mom loved to tease as well as dote on her only son. The pair made a lovely couple that even offered their home to her should she ever need a place to stay in California. The whole nucleus was the kind of family Mac always wanted and clearly, she made some sort of positive impression.
Carefully she opened the card and saw that beautiful handwriting again.
Dearest Sarah,
Take this as a small token of our affections for you. You saved my son and there aren't enough words to express my gratitude. Thank you, my dear. Thank you.
I wish the very best in your marriage and that your husband gives you the same joy that Frank has given me. No matter who you marry, you'll always be part of our family. Anything you need. Anything you want, we'll be a call away.
With love,
Trish and Frank
God, why did that make her cry? Hadn't she run out of tears months ago? She read the note twice and each time the tears came harder. Damnit, she didn't want gratitude from that woman, especially knowing in her heart that the nuptials were the main reason why Harm had left.
No, that wasn't fair either - he was a big boy with the power to change the course of the Titanic instead of walking away. He had chances and never took a single one. Angrily, she tore the check, casting it into the flames along with the card that contained Burnette's home address. They weren't her family. She didn't belong in their World.
The second envelope called to her like a siren's song that she was powerless to ignore. Handwriting as familiar as her own was scribbled across the front in that messy script she'd always tease him about.
"To: Sarah." It was a name he said so infrequently, she could count his utterance with one hand. There wasn't a card like most guests had left them and, in lieu of a monetary gift there were airline vouchers - two - meant to be cashed in for a trip to Iceland.
They had once discussed future trips over working dinners, pockets of the World neither of them had ever seen but they'd wanted to visit. Mac had expressed interest in Iceland and its raw nature of ice and rock set along green cliffs. Geothermal springs, glaciers and endless hiking trails to explore that were vastly different from her trips to Red Rock Mesa.
Harm shared a similar interest and for all of her banter in Navy men not being the type to 'rough it', her partner did enjoy the great outdoors. A trip was planned, one thwarted when the second news of his father's whereabouts crossed his desk. A fun Icelandic adventure was put on hold indefinitely. Gone but clearly not forgotten and as she stared at the vouchers the pang in her heart grew suddenly. She unfolded the letter and took a breath when her name shot out from the page.
Sarah,
When I said I never thought I'd celebrate your wedding, I meant it. I want you to be happy even if I'm not. I need you to be happy because none of this makes sense to me. There's too much left unsaid and too much I can't say. So, I won't try to.
Congratulations…
Harm
PS: The vouchers are for a fully paid trip to Iceland - that vacation I stole from you. I'd always planned to take you but time wasn't on our side.
…..
Unlike Trish's letter, Harm's only stoked the flames of an untamed anger. She felt this before, when he'd acted like a petulant child at the reception. Like a kid who's favorite toy was taken away, Harm was cold, indifferent, the very asshole he could invoke just to hurt her. And hurt her he did.
Rather than enjoy the wedding night with her new husband, all Mac could think of was Harm - what she should have done differently - what she could have said to make him realize that she loved him more than any other.
A wedding day was supposed to be one of the happiest of a woman's life and for Mac it was a way to undo that courthouse afternoon when she married her first love the second she turned eighteen.
Marrying Micheal Brumby was everything that marrying Christopher Ragle was not and for all of Mic's shortcomings, he'd actually taken interest in making the day as special as possible for her even after its postponment. Of course, she wanted her friends there, specifically her 'best friend' who'd been the only person in her life, other than Uncle Matt, that challenged her.
She could ignore those other feelings, the ones that weren't reciprocated and she could pretend that she didn't know how Harm tasted when he kissed her. He had said his apologies and she had as well, all was right in their World again even if she couldn't get past that desperate look in his eyes.
The ceremony itself was beautiful, perfectly timed and before long, she and Mic were walking down the aisle as husband and wife. At that moment everything clicked into place, all the reservations, her negative feelings, the anxiety - they all disappeared and for once, Sarah MacKenzie was happy. - Yes, MacKenzie, because she refused to take Mic's last name, a point of contention that she'd won after a lengthy argument. They were happy until mid-way through the reception when Mic had taken Renee out to dance and Mac attempted the same with Harm.
He was still favoring his knee after the ejection, using a cane to support his weight although the doctor's had cleared him for light duty. She'd asked him to dance and he refused in the most arrogant of ways and the barbs he shot at her then were meant to wound. Her mind had blanked on the actual conversation, compartmentalized it along with much of the other idiotic words he'd said throughout the years.
That night was supposed to be the happiest of her life and he ruined it with his actions. Her so-called 'best friend' acted like a jilted lover when they hadn't been anything more than friends. She hated it. She hated him which made Mic seem godsent in her eyes.
What a fool she'd been. What a complete and utter idiot would attempt a relationship with a man who harassed her into dating him. And it was harassment, sexual harassment in the work place that even Mic alluded to as she worked a case wifh a similar tone. But then, she had been interested, hadn't she? At least interested enough to use Mic's advances as a way to make a certain Commander jealous.
"God, forgive me for what I've done…I never meant to hurt anyone." Mac said quietly as the flames consumed what was left of his letter. She thought of calling Harm's mom and using the woman to locate her son. But, as she pulled a small rolodex off her desk Mac stopped.
She knew he worked in some clandestine operation although Webb had never given her specifics. If he was on assignment, his mother would know little of his whereabouts and a call from her son's former partner wouldn't be received well. Mac didn't want to cause undue worry. Instead she grabbed her laptop and began searching for Harmon Rabb in every corner of this Earth.
She wouldn't find him.