A/N: See Chapter1 for Disclaimer. I would also like to give you all a fair warning. You're probably going to need a box of tissues on standby when reading this chapter. Things get VERY sad and emotional. This chapter won't be an easy ride. However, even though it does get rough, please, do NOT quit on me because, Lord willing, I WILL make it worth it in the final chapter of this story, which will be Chapter 7. Thank you all VERY much for stopping by. I love you all. May our Lord Jesus Christ abundantly bless you all. #John10
Chapter 6: Captain on the Bridge
The following evening, Luke was sitting by Kathryn's biobed, same as always, and they'd been talking and joking around for a while. But then, things got a little more serious.
"You and I both wear a lot of hats on this ship," Kathryn told Luke. "That of husband. Wife. Father. Mother. Doctor. Captain."
"That's very true," Luke agreed.
"Well, I need you to take off your husband hat and put on your doctor hat for a second. I need a word with my doctor."
Luke gave her a smile, pulled his chair up closer to Kathryn, put his hand on hers, and told her, "The Doctor's in. What's going on this evening, Patient Janeway?"
"Doctor, I've now come to the place in my life where I no longer like food. Eating used to be a pleasure for me, just like it is for everyone else, of course, but now, it's become a chore that I dread. I'm so weak and exhausted these days that half the time, it wears me out just chewing my food. And more often than not, when I do eat and drink, it hurts my stomach and I'm not able to keep any of it down. Bottom line: I don't like eating, Doctor, and I don't want to do it anymore."
Although Dr. Luke tried to hide it from Kathryn, she could easily see it in his eyes in those moments how heartbroken he was to see this happening to her.
Dr. Luke responded in a very soft voice, "You don't have to do it anymore, darling. Not if you don't want to. It's alright. I've known for a little while now that this was coming. I know that eating has become terribly difficult for you. And I also know how very much you want to hold on for B'Elanna's sake until we reach the point where Earth becomes visible on Voyager's long-range sensors. And if that's going to happen, then that leaves me with no other choice but to insert a nasogastric tube so I can feed you intravenously. And I agree with you, that it's probably for the best. I do believe it'll make things easier for you and help you to conserve more of your strength. I think it's clear that we've come to the point now where resting is more important and more helpful than trying to take in solid food."
"Yes, I think it would make things much easier for me."
"I understand. I know that all the time and energy you expend in trying to eat food and keep it down would be much better spent resting now. I'll insert the NG tube first thing in the morning."
"Thank you, Doctor."
"Of course," Dr. Luke said in an emotional whisper.
"Now, it's time for me to put on my captain hat for a moment. Doctor, I heard you specifically addressing one of your patients as 'darling.' That's highly inappropriate behavior for a doctor to get so lovey-dovey with one of his own patients. How dare you? I ought to throw you straight in the Brig," she teased. She knew Luke was on the verge of tears, and more than anything now, she wanted to bring a smile to his face and get him to laugh a bit.
Luke was too heartbroken to laugh, but he did smile. And then, he leaned in and gave Kathryn a very long kiss.
In the next moment, with his forehead resting on hers, he said in an emotional whisper, "I'd gladly stay in the Brig for the rest of my natural life if it would make you well."
Luke then sat up again, and Kathryn told him, "I know you would. I know how much you wish I had let you be the one to do this and not me. But I couldn't have allowed you to sacrifice yourself any more than I could have allowed one of our own children to."
"I know. I know that if the tables had been reversed and I were the Captain of Voyager and this had been my command decision to make, I never would have been able to allow you to sacrifice your life, either. But that doesn't stop me from wishing with all my heart and soul that I had been able to talk you out of it."
"I know, my love. I know how badly this is hurting you, and I'd take away all your pain in a heartbeat if I could."
"Stop focusing on me and worrying about me, Katie. All of my pain, as bad as it is, is nothing but a drop in the bucket compared to everything you've already gone through, not to mention everything you're still going through right now, both psychologically and physically. I just want to do everything in my power to help you as much as I possibly can now."
"Oh, my love, you help me far more than you know, just by being here. Just opening my eyes and seeing you here, just your presence alone, comforts me so much. I want you to know that."
Before Luke could respond, though, Kathryn's whole body visibly tensed up as searing pain ripped through her whole body. Pain so intense that it caused even a battle-hardened Starfleet captain like Kathryn to cry out in agony. Luke immediately grabbed a hypospray full of some very strong pain medication that he had sitting on a cart nearby, and he pressed it to Kathryn's neck, and mercifully for both of them, it took effect immediately.
"Thanks," she gasped as he set the hypospray down on the cart again.
"Is it helping?" Luke asked anxiously.
Kathryn nodded and replied, "It is."
"Good," Luke whispered, gently caressing Kathryn's cheek with his fingertips.
"Oh, Luke," Kathryn said with a tired sigh. "Your wife is old and tired."
Luke leaned in then and whispered in Kathryn's ear, "Your husband is old and bald."
Kathryn softly chuckled a bit, and then she told Luke, "My husband may be old and bald, but his bald head will always be much sexier than Jean-Luc Picard's."
"Oh? I beat the Captain of the Enterprise?" he said with a smile.
"Every single time. Old Picard doesn't stand a chance against you. He never did."
"That's very sweet of you to say."
"It's true."
"Well now that we've officially established that very ego-boosting fact," said Luke, which brought a smile to Kathryn's face, "I suggest you and I pick up with this conversation again sometime tomorrow. Old people like us do need our rest, after all."
"Is the Doctor telling the Captain it's bedtime and ordering her to bed?" Kathryn teased.
"Yes. The Doctor is asking the Captain to pretend he's her C.M.O. once again, and the Doctor is ordering the Captain to bed."
"You may have resigned your commission years earlier, but as far as I'm concerned, you'll always be my C.M.O. And speaking of your medical career, I want you to promise me something before I go to sleep. And I want you to remember this."
"I'm listening."
"I want you to promise me that once Deborah is old enough, you'll go back into medicine. And I want you to promise me that until that time comes, you'll keep yourself in good shape, both physically and mentally. I want you to keep that extraordinary mind God has given you as sharp as possible. There are going to be a lot of people out there who are really going to need a doctor like you. Don't you dare let that remarkable medical mind you've got go to waste. Do you hear me?"
"I hear you, love. I won't let you down. I promise. Don't worry," he whispered.
"We're approaching the end of my story now, but yours still has many, many chapters left. You've still got lots to do. Lots of people to help. Lots of lives to save. And lots of love to find and to give."
Luke shook his head and said, "Not for me, Katie. You're the most extraordinary woman I've ever known. You're the most beautiful soul I've ever known, on the inside and out. Being married to you has been like enjoying the finest, most exquisite feast you can imagine, endlessly, for nearly twelve years straight. After you, any other woman would just be cotton candy in comparison. Not appealing at all. You've ruined me for all other women for the rest of my life."
"Oh, I felt that way, too, when I lost Justin all those years ago. And Mark. Little did I know what the good Lord had in store for me. These past twelve years with you have been the greatest and most wonderful surprise of my life that I never could have anticipated back then. Luke, you can't–" Kathryn started to say, but then Luke put his lips over hers and gave her a very long kiss. And in the following moment, he got out of his chair and climbed into the biobed with her.
He then said, "Computer, dim the lights to fifteen percent illumination." The computer responded to Luke's command, and Sick Bay became much darker. "Time to go to sleep now, Captain. C.M.O.'s orders."
"Aye, sir," said Kathryn after resting her head on her husband's chest.
"Rest well, Katie. I love you so much," he whispered.
"I love you, too, my dear," Kathryn whispered, and then she quickly drifted off to sleep in Luke's arms.
The next morning, Dr. Luke put in the feeding tube as planned, and when everyone else on Voyager heard the sad news that their Captain could no longer eat, it greatly hurt their hearts. And sadly, during the final three weeks of their trip through Kensyte space, Captain Janeway's condition took a real nosedive. Naturally, Dr. Luke was more than happy to finally get to disconnect her from the Kensyte biometric device once they were clear of Kensyte territory, and that did help the Captain's condition a little, but even after he disconnected her from it, she continued to go downhill overall because of the great damage that had already been done to her organ systems.
Two weeks after departing from Kensyte space, on the day of Captain Janeway's and Dr. Luke's twelfth wedding anniversary in September of 2392, there was some lowkey excitement among the crewmen of Voyager as they knew they would be seeing the first live scans of Earth on Voyager's long-range sensors within the next day or two. A moment they'd all been dreaming of for a long time now. But even though there was some excitement, it was pretty subdued for the most part, because they all knew they would be losing their beloved Captain any day now. The woman who had loved them and cared for them and protected them and kept them alive against overwhelming odds for over two decades. Their Captain. Their Friend. Their Leader. Their Teacher. Their Encourager. Their Protector. Their Example. Their Second Mother. Their Matriarch.
In the meantime, as the rest of crew anticipated seeing Earth on their own ship's long-range sensors for the first time in over two decades, Dr. Luke continued to remain by the Captain's bedside at all times in Sick Bay. She was pretty out of it during the day of their wedding anniversary, but the day after that, she was a bit a more alert. And when she opened her eyes on the twenty-second of September, she found that Luke was lying in her biobed with her, holding her close, just as always.
"Well, hello there, my beautiful Captain," he said softly, and then he kissed her.
"Hello," she gasped.
"Don't talk now, Katie," he whispered. "Don't talk. Don't speak. I know how hard it is for you to talk now. Don't even try. Rest now. Just get as much rest as you can. Don't worry about anything else."
"You're right. Speaking is harder now. We need to…work out a signal of some kind. Just between the two of us."
"What kind of signal?"
"I want to find a way…to keep telling you I love you. Even when I can't speak the words anymore. I don't know…something simple. Like if I tap your arm three times, you'll know that's what I'm saying. Something like that."
"Oh, Katie," Luke gasped as tears filled his eyes. And then he lovingly kissed the top of her head and whispered, "I don't need a signal to know how much you love me, and I don't need to hear you speak the words. None of us do. Every person on this crew who has lived with you and worked with you these past two decades knows it very well that out of all the captains in Starfleet history, there has never been another captain who has ever loved their crew more than you have. And there has never been a husband more blessed by God, more tenderly loved and cared for by his wife, than I've been."
"Thank you for saying that."
"It's true. It's completely true. And if you really want to show your love for me now, you'll stop expending your precious energy trying to talk, and you'll allow yourself to rest. Really, really rest. Save your strength now, Katie. That'll help my heart more than anything else right now."
"Okay," Kathryn sighed. "I want to go back to sleep."
"You just go right ahead, love. You go right ahead. You sleep just as much as you want to now. You've more than earned it."
Kathryn gave him a slight nod, and then, with her head resting on Luke's chest, she easily drifted off to sleep once again.
A few hours later, Tom came by Sick Bay to start his duty shift. By that time, the Doctor had gotten out of the biobed and was now sitting in his usual chair by the Captain's bedside, vigilantly watching over her. After saying hello to each other, Tom got to work organizing and updating the crew's medical files for Dr. Dexa over the next couple of minutes, and it was then that it began. The Captain began making the dreaded noise often referred to as the "death rattle." Tom immediately got up from Dr. Dexa's desk and came out of her office then, and the Doctor quickly rose from his seat, grabbed a hypospray from the medical cart near the biobed, and pressed it to the Captain's neck. He then took out the nasal cannula from under her nose and replaced it with an oxygen mask over her nose and mouth, and he turned up the oxygen flow as high as possible.
In that moment, Tom approached him, put his hand on his shoulder, and asked, "You okay, Doc? How you holding up?"
"I'm very worried about Katie," Dr. Luke replied soberly. "I know what all the medical studies and findings say, that once dying patients get to this stage, where they're no longer strong enough to cough and clear their throat and they start making the sound known as the death rattle, it's not uncomfortable for them because they're in such a relaxed state. But I know how uncomfortable and agitated I would feel if I needed to clear my throat but couldn't. So I just gave her a hypospray to dry up the excess mucus, and I switched her over from a nasal cannula to an oxygen mask. I don't want her feeling like she can't get enough air. I don't want her feeling any discomfort now, even subconsciously."
"She's not feeling any discomfort, Doc. She's not in any pain now. She's resting. She's in a very deep sleep. You're doing an amazing job. You really are."
"Thank you for the compliment, Mr. Paris."
"It's the truth."
After a long pause, Dr. Luke told Tom, "You've been my assistant here in Sick Bay for over twenty years now, Mr. Paris. You don't need me to tell you what that sound means."
"Right," Tom whispered.
"You should inform Commander Chakotay and all the senior officers; tell them that if they have anything they want to say to the Captain, they'd better do it sometime within the next twenty-four to forty-eight hours, at the most."
"I will. Is there anything else I can do?" asked Tom.
Dr. Luke shook his head and replied, "No. Thank you, though."
He then went back over to his seat, sat down, leaned his head back a little, and just rested his exhausted eyes.
In that moment, Tom approached him, put his hand on his shoulder again, and asked, "Doc, when did you last sleep?"
"I'm really not sure. It's been a while now. But I really don't want to try to sleep, Tom. I just want to be with Katie now. I just want her to sense it that I'm here, that she's not alone, just in case there is any part of her subconscious mind that can still sense the presence of others."
"Well I, for one, am convinced that if Captain Janeway were awake right now, she would want you to take a break and get some rest. I think that would make her feel a lot better than it would for you to continue depriving yourself of sleep you badly need. Don't worry, Dr. Luke. I'll take over for you while rest. I'll stay right here by her side. I won't move a muscle unless there's a change or she wakes up and needs something."
After a pause, Dr. Luke told Tom, "If there is any kind of change in her condition, or if she does wake up and need anything, promise me you'll wake me immediately."
"I will, Doc. I will. Don't worry."
Dr. Luke nodded then, and he got up from his seat and walked over to the nearest biobed, and he took off his shoes and laid down. Afterwards, Tom got out a silver blanket and a couple of pillows and came back over to Dr. Luke's biobed. The Doctor was so very exhausted that by the time Tom came to his bed with the pillows and the blanket, he was already sound asleep. Tom then gently placed the pillows underneath his friend's head and covered him with the blanket before returning to the Captain's bedside. And as soon as he sat down, he shot up a fervent silent prayer to Jesus for his two very dear friends.
Dr. Luke had been so badly fatigued and sleep-deprived that he slept the rest of that afternoon and all the way through the night. And as he slept, Commander Chakotay and several other crewmen came by to visit the Captain. Naturally, Tom stayed true to his word and remained by Captain Janeway's bedside the whole time, and he was still there when the Doctor finally woke up at about seven o'clock in the morning on the twenty-third of September, 2392. The day the family of the Voyager crew would completely change.
The instant Luke opened his eyes that morning, he turned his head to look and see what was happening with Kathryn, and when he did, he saw that Tom was still sitting there by her bedside, and Kathryn was still fighting and hanging on. He immediately sat up and got out of the biobed, and he walked over to Kathryn and Tom.
"How long was I asleep, Tom?" Luke inquired.
"You were asleep a good while there, Doc. It's seven in the morning now," Tom replied.
"How could you let me sleep that long?"
"Because you needed it, Doc. You needed sleep so badly. The Captain isn't going to benefit from the care of an exhausted husband and an exhausted doctor. You know that. She needs you to be at your best, now more than ever before."
Dr. Luke nodded then, and he said, "You're right, Tom. You're right. I'm sorry."
Tom got up in that moment and told him, "You have nothing to be sorry for, Doc. Nothing at all. Here, have a seat."
"Thank you. How has she been since I fell asleep yesterday?" he asked while sitting down.
"The same, for the most part. Although, I, uh…I had to give her another hypospray for the, uh…for the mucus. It had started building up again, and she'd started making the same sound she'd made before, and I knew how much that would upset you, so I gave her a second hypo."
"What time did you give it?"
"It was around midnight last night."
"Thank you, Tom. You did the right thing."
"Of course. Now that you're awake, I need to go shower and change, get ready for my duty shift on the Bridge."
"Oh, yes. I forgot about that. You're already a little late, Mr. Paris. You'd better get a move on."
"Call me, call any of us, if you need anything, Doc. Anything at all. I mean that."
"Thank you," Dr. Luke told Tom, and then Tom reluctantly walked out of Sick Bay.
After Tom had left, Dr. Luke remained by the Captain's bedside for the next ten minutes, quiet and still as a statue. Then, all of the sudden, Kathryn opened her eyes, sat up in the biobed, and took off the oxygen mask.
"No, no, Katie; don't take the mask off. You need it," Luke told her gently.
"Are we there, Luke?" she asked.
"Are we where, sweetheart? What are you talking about?"
"Is Earth visible on our long-range sensors now?"
"I don't know. I haven't heard."
"Ask Chakotay, will you, please?"
Dr. Luke then tapped his combadge and said, "Dr. Luke to Commander Chakotay."
"Chakotay here," his voice answered over the combadge.
"The Captain's awake, and she wants to know if Earth has become visible on our long-range sensors yet."
"Not yet, but we should be seeing it soon."
"Thank you, Commander. Dr. Luke out."
It was in that moment that Luke saw a real fire reignite in Kathryn's blue eyes. And it was then that he realized what was happening. The medical term for it was terminal lucidity, a brief period of time, around a day or so, when an actively dying patient experiences a sudden burst of energy and lucidity very shortly before their actual death. Kathryn was rallying. Her strength and personality were coming back. And as a physician, Luke knew what that meant. Luke knew this was it.
Kathryn then turned her gaze to her husband and told him, "I need you to help me with something."
"Of course, Kate. I'll do anything you need. You just name it."
"I need you to take out the feeding tube, and I need you to replicate a new uniform for me in a smaller size and help me change. I know I've lost a lot of weight. I know the uniforms I have will be too large now."
"You want to go out to the Bridge so you can be there when we first see Earth on our sensors," he deduced.
"Yes. I know how much it means to the crew, especially B'Elanna, that I be there for that. And really, I need to do it for myself as well. I need to fix myself up, put on my uniform, walk out onto the Bridge, and be there with my crew and for my crew as their Captain…one last time."
"As your doctor, I must advise against it. I don't want to scare you, Kathryn, but I have to tell you the truth. I know you know about the gurgling sound that terminally ill patients make when death is very near. A noise commonly referred to as the 'death rattle.'"
"Yes."
"Well yesterday, you were making that sound. Kathryn, you were literally too weak to clear your throat. Getting dressed and taking a stroll from Sick Bay to the Bridge might not seem like a very big deal, but you are so weak now that even doing that could easily kill you. You have the strongest, most powerful spirit I've ever seen, but that powerful spirit is living inside a body that is extremely fragile now."
"I understand, Doctor. But I know I can do this. I've got it in me. I know it. And I need to do this."
"Your doctor doesn't like it, and he doesn't agree. But your husband understands, and he does agree that you've got it in you to do this. The Almighty gave you such a powerful spirit. One that can do anything it sets its mind to."
Luke then gave Kathryn a long, passionate kiss, and after that, he took out the feeding tube, replicated a smaller red Starfleet uniform for her to wear, helped her change into it, and helped her with her hair and makeup.
Once he got her black boots on for her, Luke told her, "You know, we could do this the easy way. I could just transport us directly to the Bridge."
"Have I ever been the type of person who takes the easy way out?" Kathryn asked her husband knowingly, and he shook his head.
"Never," he admitted.
"I'm not going out on that Bridge as a weak, frail, dying captain. I'm going out there as a captain who knows how to be strong for her people when they need her to be. Understand?"
"Aye, Captain," Dr. Luke said in an emotional whisper. "But speaking as your C.M.O., I'm only going to help you do this on one condition."
"What's that, Doctor?" the Captain asked with a smile.
"That you let me support you as much as possible as we walk out to the turbolift. That you'll lean on me as much as you can and let me do the work."
"Agreed," said Kathryn. And in the next moment, she put her arms around her husband's neck and gave him a very long, tender kiss. And then, their journey to the turbolift began.
After Dr. Luke had gotten Captain Janeway to the turbolift and the doors closed, the Captain told her husband, "Once we get to the Bridge and the doors open, I want you to let go of me." He still had a very protective arm around her waist, holding her up and supporting almost all of her weight.
"I can't do that. It's far too dangerous," he protested.
"I can do this, Luke. And I need to do this. I need to walk those final steps out to the captain's chair on my own. Remember, I am not going out there as a frail and dying captain. I'm going out there as the same mama bear captain I've always been. I'm going out there to give strength to the people I love. Not to worry them."
"Aye, Captain," Luke gasped, just barely managing to hold back his tears.
A few moments later, the doors to the turbolift opened, and Luke very reluctantly let go of Kathryn. And then, she took her first steps out of the turbolift and onto the Bridge.
Commander Tuvok turned his head as soon as he heard the turbolift doors open, and the instant he saw her walking out onto the Bridge without any help, under her own power, he rose from his seat and loudly announced, "Captain on the Bridge!"
Chakotay immediately stood and turned, and as soon as he saw his Captain walking inside, with the Doctor following closely behind her, he rushed to her side as quickly as his legs would take him.
"Captain," he said worriedly, putting his hand on her left arm.
Tuvok and Harry also left their stations and hurried to the Captain's side, and Tom put the ship on auto-pilot and did the same. Seven, Neelix, Dexa, Kes, and B'Elanna, who were also on the Bridge, waiting to see the first live images of Earth on Voyager's long-range sensors, rushed to their Captain's side as well.
"It's alright, everybody. It's alright. I'm fine. I'm fine. Don't worry," she told them, trying her best to reassure them. "I just wanted to take a little stroll to the Bridge; that's all."
"You must sit down, Captain," said Seven.
"Seven's right, Captain. You need to sit down immediately," said Tom, who was quite shocked to see the woman who'd been practically unconscious less than an hour ago, obviously at death's door, now not only dressed in her Starfleet uniform, but even standing and walking. And obviously, he was greatly concerned for her, as they all were.
"I concur with Seven and Mr. Paris, Captain," said Tuvok.
"That's where I'm headed right now. To my chair. You all can relax," Captain Janeway assured them.
"We'll help you, Captain," said Harry.
"I appreciate it, Harry, but I don't need any help. I can get there myself."
"I'm afraid your First Officer isn't going to take no for an answer, Captain," said Chakotay. And then he motioned for Dr. Luke to come around, which he did. "It's an old Maquis tradition that when the Captain returns to the Bridge after being stuck in Sick Bay for a while, the Captain must be properly escorted to the captain's chair by the First Officer and the Chief Medical Officer."
"You're making that up, Chakotay," Kathryn said with a bit of a chuckle.
"No, he's not. That's always been an old Maquis tradition," B'Elanna argued as they all began to walk with Captain Janeway to her chair, surrounding her in a big, protective huddle. Chakotay was holding onto Kathryn's left arm, and Luke was holding onto her right arm, and they both supported her weight almost completely, very nearly carrying her to her chair, as everyone else followed.
"Easy, Captain. Easy. Easy," Chakotay whispered as he and Luke eased her down into the captain's chair.
"Thank you both. You can relax, Commander. I'm alright. Return to your stations, everyone. Mr. Kim, keep an eye on the live scans from our long-range sensors. I want to be right here with all of you when we see the first live images of Earth with our own sensors. I wouldn't miss this moment for anything."
"Aye, Captain," Harry responded, and then he and all the other Bridge officers reluctantly returned to their stations while Dr. Luke, Kes, Neelix, Dr. Dexa, and Seven of Nine stood near the captain's chair.
Less than one minute later, Harry announced, "Earth is visible on our long-range sensors now, Captain."
"Put it on the viewscreen, Harry," the Captain ordered.
"Yes, ma'am," said Harry.
And then, for the first time in so many years, Captain Janeway and her crew feasted their eyes on the first live images of Earth they'd seen from their own ship in over two decades. It was a very moving moment for all of them to say the very least.
A few seconds later, Captain Janeway whispered something in Commander Chakotay's ear, and afterwards, he rose from his seat and went over to B'Elanna's station.
As soon as Chakotay approached her, B'Elanna stood, and then he told her, "The Captain wants you to sit beside her now."
B'Elanna walked quickly over to Chakotay's vacant seat and sat down beside her Captain. And the Captain turned her gaze to B'Elanna, took her hand, and told her, "I know how much you wanted me to be here with you when we first saw Earth on our sensors and when we docked into one of Starfleet's docking bays when we got home. I may not make it to a Starfleet docking bay, but I'm with you now, B'Elanna, watching Earth on our viewscreen with you for the first time in so many years. One out of two isn't bad, is it?"
An invisible blade plunged right into B'Elanna's heart in those moments as she realized what her Captain and her second mother and her dear friend had done for her. Despite all the agonizing pain and crippling exhaustion she'd suffered, she'd fought through it all, held on through it all, for her. Because she'd known how important it was, not just to the crew, but to her, for her to be there with them when their long-range sensors began displaying live images of Earth for the first time in over two decades.
B'Elanna then squeezed her Captain's hand, locked eyes with her, and told her truthfully, "One out of two is plenty, Captain. It's more than enough."
"Good," said the Captain with a very contented smile.
A couple of moments later, B'Elanna felt the Captain's very cold hand begin to tremble inside her own, and she said, "Captain, you're shaking. You're as cold as ice. I'll be right back. I'm going to go find you a blanket."
The Captain shook her head and said, "I don't need a blanket, B'Elanna. As long as I've got the people I love with me, that's all I need. I'm fine. Don't worry. Just stay here with me and enjoy the view. Let's all just sit back and enjoy this magnificent sight together that we've all waited over twenty years to see. As a family."
Tom then motioned for Chakotay to come over, and he did, and Tom whispered something in Chakotay's ear, which Chakotay responded to with a nod. After that, Tom got up and quietly left the Bridge, and Chakotay set the helm back on auto-pilot.
"Now what's Tom up to?" asked the Captain.
"I'm not sure," said B'Elanna.
"He just had a little errand to run, Captain. He'll be right back," said Chakotay as he approached the Captain and B'Elanna. Seven of Nine and Kes were now standing closer to the first officer's chair where B'Elanna was sitting, and Neelix, Dr. Dexa, and Dr. Luke were standing near the captain's chair. And in those moments, Chakotay really sensed it how much the Captain needed to see her family around her now, so he motioned for Tuvok and Harry to leave their stations and come over to where they were, and they did so immediately.
"I hope he won't take too long. He's missing a wonderful view," said Captain Janeway.
"Not to worry, Captain. He won't be long," Chakotay assured her.
A few moments later, Tom returned to the Bridge with a silver blanket and a pillow, and he came around to the Captain's chair.
"Starfleet Command Directive 36: If the crew ever allows their Captain to turn into a block of ice, they shall all be court-martialed immediately," said Tom as he placed the pillow behind the Captain's head and covered her in the blanket.
"Yes, Tom's father has informed us a number of times over the years that if a Starfleet crew ever fails to treat their Captain like a queen, they shall be court-martialed and sent straight to the brig for at least a year," B'Elanna kidded.
"You two are so crazy," the Captain said with a chuckle. "And I don't know what I'd do without you. I don't know what I would do without all of you. I don't think there's ever been a captain in Starfleet history who's as proud of their crew as I am. You're the best crew a captain could ask for. And you're the most loving family a person could ever hope to be a part of. Thank you. Thank you all so much for being in my life. For letting me learn from all of you. For letting me be a part of your lives."
With a single tear falling from her eye, Seven crouched down at the Captain's eye-level, and she told the Captain, "We should be saying all these things to you, Captain."
"Seven's right," B'Elanna agreed. "Nobody's been more patient or more understanding or more giving to us than you've been, Captain. I don't know where I would be today if it hadn't been for you. Having someone like you loving me and believing in me the way that you did, giving me more love and acceptance than what I got from my own parents…it just changed everything."
"And that definitely holds true for me. You could've left me to rot in that Federation prison all those years ago. Gotten yourself another pilot and forgotten all about me. Thanks to you, I found a whole new life here on Voyager. A new purpose. A new family. If God hadn't sent you into my life, B'Elanna's life, all our lives, we wouldn't be the people we are today," said Tom.
"Mr. Paris is correct," Seven concurred. "Lord knows I would probably still be a Borg drone today had it not been for you. You were so very patient with me during my first few years on Voyager as I slowly became an individual. I know I did not make it easy for you."
"The most precious things in life are never easy, Seven," the Captain said softly as she reached out and lovingly touched Seven's cheek with her fingertips. "But they're always worth it."
"Still, though, you've been so very patient and kind and tenderhearted and understanding…with all of us," Chakotay said in an emotional whisper. "Any other captain would've gotten us killed out here in this crazy deathtrap of a quadrant long ago. And any other captain probably would've gone completely insane. And Lord knows there were times when I wasn't there for you like I should have been; when I only made your burdens heavier instead of lighter."
"I think we've all been guilty of doing that at one point or another," Luke chimed in. "I certainly have been. The patience you've shown me over the years, Katie, has truly been incredible. No other captain would've treated a mere hologram with as much dignity and respect as you treated me. You could've easily treated me like an object, even a slave, but you didn't. You gave me extraordinary freedom to learn, grow, expand. Freedom to develop my own unique personality. And in our first seven years on Voyager, I often only repaid your generosity with grumbling and complaining when every single little thing didn't go my way. But you never got angry at me or lost your temper with me. You were always so generous and so patient. With all of us. I don't believe there's ever been another captain who's been kinder and more loving to their crew than you have. We all owe you our lives many times over for how you've protected us, sacrificed for us, taught us, guided us, nurtured us, for over two decades. We all wouldn't even be standing here today if it weren't for you."
With tears coming to her eyes, the Captain looked into the faces of those dearest to her, and she told them, "I love you all so much. So much."
Everyone told the Captain they loved her. And then, she tapped into her telepathic and empathic abilities, and with the strength she had left, she began pouring as much love into their minds, and into the minds of her children, as she could. And the warmth and comfort and pure love they all felt from her in those moments was beyond what words could express.
This went on for the next two minutes, all of them still, with their eyes closed, just focusing on the thoughts and feelings, the warmth and love the Captain was pouring into them, until Chakotay began sensing pain from Kathryn in her hands. So he opened his eyes, and when he looked at her hands, he saw that she had them clinched up in fists so tightly, her fingernails digging into the palms of her hands so deeply, that her hands were actually beginning to bleed.
He rushed to her side, and he said, "Kes, come here. Quick."
Kes opened her eyes in that moment and knelt down with Chakotay in front of the Captain, Chakotay on the Captain's left and Kes on her right.
"Take her right hand, Kes," Chakotay commanded her. "I'll take her left."
Kes nodded, and then they each took her hand in theirs.
Just hold onto our hands, Kathryn, Chakotay told the Captain in his thoughts. Kes has got your right hand and I've got your left. Please don't clinch your fists anymore, Kathryn; you're hurting yourself. Just squeeze our hands. We're right here with you. I know that back when you had the entire galaxy on your shoulders with the Borg and Species 8472, I left your side, emotionally speaking, because I was selfish and I was a fool. But I'm not that selfish fool anymore, Kathryn. I'm here. I'm here. I'm right here by your side, and I'm not leaving you now like I did before. You're not alone. You're not doing this alone. Not this time. I'm here, and I'm never abandoning you again. Never, ever again.
Chakotay's mind and mine are linked with yours now, Captain, Kes told her telepathically. You don't have to use so much of your strength to transmit your thoughts and feelings. Chakotay and I can carry your thoughts and your feelings into the minds of all the people you love now. Just lean on us and let us do the work.
That's right, Kathryn. You don't need to do the work now, Chakotay told the Captain. Let Kes and me do it for you. Just lean on us now. Just rest and let us do the heavy lifting now. Rest, Kathryn.
In the following moments, the Captain's strength really began to wane, so she asked Chakotay and Kes to sever the link she'd established with everyone on the Bridge, and she just focused on pouring as much love as she possibly could into her children. And again, Chakotay and Kes did most of the work of transmitting the Captain's thoughts and emotions to them.
Finally, the Captain simply did not have the strength to maintain the telepathic link any longer, so she severed it completely.
But in the final second before she did, breathing suddenly became much more difficult, and she said in Chakotay's mind, I need to breathe, Chakotay.
The Captain then leaned her head back, and with her mouth wide open, she began gasping and struggling for air. And Dr. Luke immediately rushed over, took her in his arms, and picked her up out of her chair.
"Doctor, I'm transporting you, Tom, Kes, Dexa, and the Captain directly to Sick Bay right now," Chakotay informed them. And in the next second, they all disappeared in the transporter beam.
Miraculously, Dr. Luke, Dr. Dexa, Tom, and Kes managed to somewhat stabilize the Captain in Sick Bay. But they all knew it wouldn't be for long. Even though they'd gotten her out of imminent danger of dying, they all knew she had only hours left at the very most. After they'd stabilized her a little, Dr. Luke let them know that he wished to be alone with his wife now, so they left.
A couple of minutes after the others had gone, Luke grabbed a chair and sat down at Kathryn's left side. He had the top half of the biobed tilted as far up as it would go, with several pillows behind her so she could sit up as much as possible, and he'd put an oxygen mask over her nose and mouth. He and the others had also taken off her Starfleet uniform and put a turquoise patient gown on her once again so she'd be more comfortable.
Kathryn then opened her tired eyes, and Luke took her hand, leaned in, and whispered, "Hello there, beautiful."
Kathryn took off her oxygen mask, and she told Luke, "You need an eye exam."
Luke quickly put the mask back on for her, and he said, "First of all, regardless of your physical appearance, you will always be the most beautiful person on this ship. Always. And second, I need you to keep your mask on now. Don't try to speak. It's very important that you rest as much as possible now."
Kathryn took off the mask again and said, "No. It's more important that I speak. There are things I want to say. Things I need to say. I could just say it all telepathically, but it's important to me that you hear me say the words. Please."
Reluctantly, Luke took the oxygen mask away and replaced it with a nasal cannula, which delivered an extra supply of oxygen instead, so that it would be easier for Kathryn to speak.
"Don't try to say too much. I don't want you to tire yourself out," he told her as he sat down in the chair by her biobed again.
Kathryn chuckled inside and smiled, and she told her husband, "It's a little late for that. I'm always tired."
"Which is why you should be resting instead of spending your precious energy on a conversation with a bald old clown like me."
"You were never a 'bald old clown.' Even before Jesus made you human, you were always special. You may have had a bit of an ego–"
"Understatement of the century," said Luke with a chuckle.
"But you were always so brilliant. Creative. Artistic. Many human doctors would not have been able to accomplish what you did those first seven years in the Delta Quadrant. Yes, you were just a tool in those days, and not a person divinely created by God in His image, but even so, you were incredible."
"I largely have you to thank for that. I was programmed by Starfleet to be a physician, yes, but it was you who taught me…what it really means to be human. It was you who allowed me freedoms and privileges that no other EMH could've possibly dreamed of. Freedoms and privileges to expand my programming. Explore myself. Develop a personality. I never could have accomplished all that I did had you not treated me with so much kindness and generosity and dignity and respect in those first seven years. No other captain in Starfleet would've treated me as amazingly well as you did. Especially considering the fact that I used to have an ego the size of the entire Delta Quadrant itself."
"Maybe so, but your ego was never half as big as that enormous, beautiful heart of yours that I fell head over heels in love with. That I'm still falling in love with, each and every day. I was in a lot of pain inside for a very long time. And you brought so much healing into my life. And joy. Pure joy. I thank God for you every day of my life, Luke."
"And there isn't a moment I'm not silently thanking Him for you," Luke whispered, fighting off tears.
"Thank you, Luke," Kathryn whispered while touching his cheek with her fingertips. "Thank you so much for giving me the twelve most beautiful years of my life. Thank you for twelve years of joy, excitement, adventure, growing, learning, fighting, spats, love, passion, tenderness. Thank you for the five most wonderful children any parent could ever hope to have."
"I thank you for those things," Luke gasped as tears came to his eyes. And then he took Kathryn's hand, that was still touching his cheek, and he kissed it.
In those moments, Kathryn began to see heaven, itself. And it was then that every ounce of pain and agony she'd carried inside for so many years started to vanish completely. She finally began seeing herself the way the Almighty God and all her loved ones had seen her all along. Not as someone who was shortsighted and selfish, but as the most tenderhearted, loving, selfless hero who'd sacrificed so very much for others and had bravely carried unspeakable burdens for so many years. For the Ocampa. For her crew. Even for the entire Milky Way galaxy, itself. As someone more than worthy of love, tenderness, compassion, and the deepest respect.
Few people ever really understood the mental and emotional battles Kathryn had had to fight on the inside every day of her life, but in those moments, she was lovingly reminded of what she'd already known for years, that Jesus, Himself, the very Creator of the universe, had always understood everything she'd gone through completely. That He was not some distant, aloof God who knew nothing and cared nothing about His children's pain and struggles. And in those moments, the Holy Spirit reminded her that They'd been there with her all along; that They'd seen and completely understood every invisible battle she'd ever had to fight inside, and that she'd never been fighting alone.
And then, Kathryn came to the sweetest realization. The realization that her time for fighting battles, both on the inside and on the outside, was now over. The realization that now was finally her time to rest. To let go of all the pain. To leave all her immense heartache behind, once and for all. To experience and enjoy the greatest love imaginable. Forever.
"Do you remember how, when Stephen was stoned to death, he looked up and saw the heavens opened, saw the glory of God, and even saw Jesus Christ, Himself, standing at the right hand of God?" Kathryn asked Luke.
"I remember," Luke whispered. "That's what you're seeing now, isn't it?"
Kathryn nodded, tears of pure, absolute joy and peace streaming down her cheeks.
"I'm not at all surprised that our Lord Jesus, Himself, wants to stand up to personally greet you to heaven after everything you've been through," Luke told her as he silently cried with her. And then he got up, sat down behind Kathryn on the biobed, wrapped his arms around her, and held her close. "Oh Katie, I'm here. I'm here. I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere."
"How I love you," Kathryn whispered.
"How I love you," Luke gasped through his tears, and he gave Kathryn a very long, tender kiss.
"I just want to rest my head and go to sleep now."
"Oh, you just go right ahead, my love," Luke whispered as he helped her rest her head on his chest. "Sleep, Katie. Just rest your head and sleep now. Just rest now. It's alright. It's alright. You've fought so long and so hard all these years. You don't have to fight anymore. You can let yourself rest now. You can let yourself have peace now. It's alright."
In the following moments, Captain Kathryn Janeway easily slipped out of her broken down body, out of all her pain she'd been carrying inside for so many years, into the sweetest, most comforting embrace of Jesus, Himself. And she experienced a level of absolute, pure joy and peace beyond anything she'd ever imagined.
A high-pitched whine sounded in the background then, and Luke just kissed the top of Kathryn's head and continued to hold her close as silent tears streamed down his face.
"Oh, Katie," he gasped. "Oh, my sweet Katie. My precious Katie. You went through so much all these years. Too much. But it's over now. It's all over. You're safe now. It's alright. It's alright now. Nothing will ever, ever hurt you again," he whispered through all his tears. And then, he just kept holding Kathryn, lovingly stroking her hair in silence.