Rafael Barba held Liv for several minutes after she woke from her nightmare. His soothing voice and gentle reassures calmed her, and as her fear subsided and her heart-rate slowed, her panic was replaced by overwhelming embarrassment. She slowly leaned out of Rafael's embrace and he lowered his arms gently, watching her closely as she recovered herself.
"Sorry" Liv said quietly, not quite able to meet his gaze. Rafael shook his head.
"You have nothing to apologise for" he assured her quietly. Liv smiled tiredly but did not respond. "Is there anything I can do?" he asked kindly. Liv looked up and met his gaze.
"I'm fine" Liv assured him. "It's late, we should get some sleep" she reasoned, despite not wanting to close her eyes.
"If you want to talk-" Rafael began tentatively.
"I don't" Liv replied, memories of the nightmare flooding her once more. She realised she replied far too quickly and looked up at him with an apologetic expression. "I'm sorry" she added. "I'm fine, it was nothing. Really" she assured him, trying to hold his gaze and hoping he believed her. "I just need to sleep" she said tiredly.
"Okay" Rafael responded gently, stroking her back soothingly as he did so. Liv found herself relaxing slightly, though not enough to sleep.
Liv swallowed thickly and turned off her bedside light, before laying on her side, facing the window, her eyes remaining open. She felt Rafael lay down beside her, his body pressed against her back, his left arm draped protectively around her. Liv placed her arm over his and allowed herself to be comforted by his embrace. But she did not close her eyes.
Although Liv felt Rafael fall asleep a few minutes later, she remained wide awake for more than two hours. Scenes from her nightmare played in her mind over and over again, as Lucia Barba and Sheila Porter each took turns to kidnap her newborn baby. She knew it was a nightmare, she had suffered with nightmares for years due to previous traumas, she understood what they were and why they happened – and, most importantly, she knew they were not real. But none of that knowledge protected or comforted her from the prospect of someone she loved and trusted taking her child from her. Especially when it had happened before, and she had not seen it coming. She hadn't been able to protect Noah that day. What if she couldn't protect her baby either?
Torturous questions forced themselves to the forefront of Liv's mind for two hours, until she finally closed her sore eyes, and exhaustion claimed her at last.
When Rafael Barba woke at six-thirty, Liv was still fast asleep, which he was grateful for. Wanting to ensure she continued to rest, and not wishing to confuse Noah by emerging half-dressed from Liv's bedroom, Rafael carefully got out of bed and quickly adjusted the bedsheets to Liv stayed warm. He then gathered his clothes and headed towards the bedroom door, which he opened a few inches. Once satisfied that Noah was still in bed, he quickly stepped out into the hallway and closed the door behind him, before heading to the bathroom.
After brushing his teeth, quickly showering, and changing into his shirt and trousers from the day before, Rafael headed into Liv's living room. After locating his briefcase and laptop he carried both across to the kitchen island, before making himself a cup of strong coffee and perusing his work emails.
When Liv began to stir from her sleep, the warmth of the light upon her face and the level of restfulness she felt made her instantly aware that it was late. She opened her eyes and quickly pushed herself up in bed, reaching for her phone on the bedside table and removing it from charge. Her phone revealed it was 9.07am, which meant she had less than twenty-five minutes before she had to take Noah to his dance class. Liv tiredly pushed the bedsheets aside and turned to the left, noticing immediately that Rafa was not with her. The sound of laughter and Noah's voice reached her from the kitchen, and she quickly got out of bed and headed towards it.
As Liv walked down the hallway and stepped into the kitchen, she found Rafael Barba plating up freshly made pancakes, as he and Noah discussed the "appropriate" amount of maple syrup. It was clear that Noah was far more liberal that Rafael, and the ADA quickly acceded defeat and started on the washing up. Upon spotting his mother, Noah sat up straighter in his seat at the kitchen island and smiled at her. Liv noticed he was fully dressed and she blinked in surprise.
"Hi, mum" he beamed, prompting Rafael Barba to turn towards her. "Uncle Rafa made pancakes. Do you want some?" he offered.
"I'm fine, but thank you" Liv replied politely, as she walked into the kitchen and stood opposite Noah. "They smell delicious" she remarked.
"They are" Noah said between mouthfuls of pancakes. "Uncle Rafa burned lots of them before" he added. Liv stifled a laugh and looked up at Rafa.
"It's been a while since I made pancakes" he admitted, as he placed the washed up pan on the draining board and turned towards Liv.
"He used up all the eggs" Noah stated.
"The prosecution rests" Rafa said deadpan, gesturing to Noah, as his eyes remained fixed on Liv. "How are you?" he asked softly.
"I'm fine" Liv replied instinctively. "I overslept, you should've woken me" she said guiltily, gesturing to Noah's breakfast. Rafa shook his head.
"You needed your rest, it's fine" he assured her. "I can handle pancakes" he stated confidently. "On the third attempt" he quickly added. Liv laughed.
"We need to leave for Noah's dance class in twenty minutes" Liv advised. Rafa nodded calmly in response. "Afterwards, Carisi is taking care of Noah, Jessie and Billie whilst Amanda and I go shopping for clothes that will actually fit me" she explained, watching as Rafa's eyes drifted instinctively towards her belly. "You're welcome to join us for the class, and spend time with Carisi and the kids, before we all meet up for lunch" she suggested. "But if you've got plans-"
"No, that's fine" Rafa replied gently. Liv nodded in response, and was struck by how glad she was that he accepted her invitation.
"I can drop you off at your apartment so you can change first" Liv suggested.
"Only if you have time. If not I can walk there from Noah's class" Rafa assured her. Liv smiled softly, as she considered her next words. She cast a glance towards Noah, who was thoroughly engaged in eating his pancakes and watching his iPad.
"If you like, you could always pack a bag of clothes to keep here" Liv suggested, trying to sound as casual as she could. "For when you spend the night?" she added. Rafa watched her for a moment and nodded slowly.
"Liv, I wouldn't want to presume-" he responded, his awkwardness both surprising and adorable.
"You're not" Liv quickly assured him. Rafa held her gaze for a moment and nodded. "In fact, if you don't have plans, you'd be welcome to stay tonight" she added. "It would make sense as we're going to your mother's tomorrow" she reasoned. "But if you have work to do, or other plans-"
"No, I don't. That would be great" Rafa responded. "Thanks" he added.
Rafael had always enjoyed spending time with Liv, and the brief times they were alone together having drinks or dinner were occasions he looked forward to greatly. When he spent time with her he was fully aware she was letting him into her world, where there were a select few people she trusted and would open up to; it was a privilege to be one of them. And so an invitation into her world was never one he would decline. In addition to this, he found that since discovering Liv was pregnant, he felt a deeper level of connection to her, and a protectiveness which was greater than he had ever experienced before. He wanted to be with her, and he wanted to see that she was okay. He did not want to suffocate her or make her feel coddled – she was more than capable of taking care of herself and he did not want her to think he doubted that for a moment. But he wanted to protect her, like he always wanted to protect her, and she needed a greater level of care and protection now. As did their baby, who was quickly developing from a concept into a reality, as Liv's growing belly reminded him.
"I need to get ready. I'll be back in a minute" she advised. Rafa nodded in understanding and Liv turned towards Noah. "Noah, we're leaving in twenty minutes, okay?" she stated.
"Uh-huh" Noah responded somewhat distractedly, his attentions still on his iPad and pancakes.
"I'll be right back" Liv said to Rafa.
"Sure" he replied gently, before picking up his coffee and taking several sips.
After quickly washing her face, brushing her teeth and taking her prenatal medication, Liv headed into her bedroom and applied her make up and styled her hair in loose curls. She got undressed and changed into a matching set of black underwear, wincing as she tried to secure her bra clasp behind her back. Her bra fit her, but only just, and her swollen breasts felt sore within their constraints. Liv ignored her discomfort and pulled on a pair of Amanda's black maternity leggings and her own black ankle boots, before heading to her wardrobe in search of a shirt.
Over the next ten minutes, Liv raided her wardrobe and her chests of drawers, and tried on a dozen shirts, none of which fit her. They were too tight, too ill-fitting and (in some cases) bordering on indecent for her to wear. After the final shirt she tried did not fit her, she dropped it on the floor with the others, and sat on the bottom of her bed. She was tired and frustrated and running out of time, and before she registered what was happening she found herself sobbing. Liv clamped her hand to her mouth and tried to calm herself but she couldn't, her inability to do so making her feel even more pathetic, and she continued to weep against her closed hand. After a minute or so, she was drawn sharply out of her stupor by a familiar double-knock at her bedroom door.
"Liv, are you almost ready?" Rafa asked calmly, as Liv quickly wiped the tears from her face and took in a calming breath.
"Yes" she called. "Just a sec" she added, not trusting her voice with full sentences. Her confidence that her voice was calm enough not to concern Rafa were quickly revealed to be unfounded.
"Are you alright?" he called gently, concern present in his voice. The kindness in his tone broke her resolve, and Liv found herself crying again. She tried to calm herself and respond but she couldn't, and a moment later the door slowly opened and Rafa stepped into the room.
As Rafa stepped into the room he saw Liv sitting on the end of her bed, half-dressed and surrounded by discarded clothes. Her eyes were tear-filled and expression sad, and he quickly walked towards her.
"What's wrong?" Rafa asked gently, as he sat down on the bed beside her. Liv half-laughed and half cried with embarrassment, and shook her head dismissively. "Hey" he soothed, placing his hand on her back.
"I'm fine, I'm fine" Liv said, as she wiped her eyes furiously and took in a deep breath. Rafa waited patiently for her to continue. "I'm just tired, and I-" Liv trailed off, knowing he would not believe her excuses. "I can't find a shirt to wear" she confessed, feeling even more ridiculous than she already did. "Nothing fits me. I've struggled all week to find something to wear to work" she explained, as Rafa nodded in understanding. "And none of these fit me, and we're going to be late and-"
"No, no, no one's going to be late, it's fine" Rafa assured her, his confidence comforting. "We'll find you something, it's alright" he soothed, rubbing her back soothingly, before rising to his feet and approaching her wardrobe. "You know I could indict you for assault against your bedroom furniture" he said lightly, as he searched through the hangers. Liv laughed lightly and took in a deep breath, before rising to her feet and walking towards her chest of drawers.
After a couple of minutes Rafa had located three shirts and two jumpers, some of which he found at the back of her wardrobe. Liv recognised a black and white oversized sweater and accepted it, pulling it on quickly and finding herself feeling relieved that it fit (albeit much more snugly than it had before). She sighed in relief and looked up at Rafa with apologetic eyes.
"I am so sorry" she said sincerely, her voice calm and her expression embarrassed.
"Please stop apologising" Rafa said gently. "You have nothing to be sorry for" he assured her, placing his hand on her waist. Liv sighed lightly.
"I'm just tired, and late" Liv said dismissively, "and huge" she added.
"You're not huge" Rafa responded immediately. Liv scoffed.
"I'm massive" she countered, placing her hand on her side, tugging the material against her growing body and highlighting her rounded belly.
"You're pregnant" Rafa corrected, placing his hand on her waist and stepped closer to her. "You look so beautiful" he said warmly, his hands stroking her waist. Liv met his gaze was struck by his sincerity. She found herself relaxing beneath his touch.
Liv's eyes held Rafa's and she felt her heart flutter and her breathing deepen. Before she realised what she was doing she had closed the distance between them and was leaning up towards him, pressing her lips against his. Rafa returned the kiss almost immediately, his hands drifting from her waist to her hips as he pulled her against him. Liv stepped back and felt the backs of her legs hit the chest of drawers, as Rafa stepped forward with her and deepened the kiss, pressing himself firmly against her. Liv's hands found his cheek and his hair and she moaned against his lips, her breathing becoming laboured, her heart starting to race.
"Mum! We're going to be late!" called Noah from outside her bedroom door, prompting Liv to let go as Rafa immediately, as he took a step back.
"Coming, sweetie" Liv called, somewhat huskily. She stared at the door and waited until she heard his footsteps disappear back towards the living room. "We should go" Liv said calmly. Rafa nodded in agreement and cleared his throat, as Liv quickly pulled on a black coat and picked up her handbag, and led him out of her bedroom.
After dropping Rafa off at his apartment, Liv and Noah arrived at his dance class with three minutes to spare, which she considered nothing less than a miracle. Despite being in a rush, Rafa's calmness and practicality in her apartment comforted her greatly, though she found herself feeling increasingly embarrassed for crying in front of him over something so trivial. She suspected he sensed her discomfort as he kept the conversation in the car light and engaging, and the three of them were laughing most of the way. Noah whined when Rafa left and was only reassured when he assured him he would be there to see the second half of his dance class. And he was.
At twenty-five past ten Rafael Barba strolled calmly into the dance hall, wearing jeans, a dark blue jumper and a black coat. He quickly found Liv and sat down beside her, placing his well-packed overnight bag on the ground at his feet, and turning towards her with a smile.
After Noah's dance class ended they headed back to Liv's car and she drove them to the park. Rafa stopped by a local coffee stall and bought himself a strong black coffee, and Noah and Liv hot chocolate (extra cream and marshmallows for Noah) and they strolled calmly towards the seated area in the play park.
As soon as they approached the park Jessie spotted them, and she looked up at them from the top of slide, excitedly calling out "Uncle Rafa! Aunt Liv!" and then quickly going down the slide and calling for Noah. Noah said goodbye to Liv and Rafa without even turning around and ran into the park after Jessie. Amanda handed Billie to Carisi and they headed towards their friends.
"Getting some practice in, Barba?" Carisi teased. Rafa took a sip of his coffee and looked up at him with an unamused expression.
"More like supervising" he corrected. Carisi smirked.
"You mean the kids?" Carisi asked, confusion present in his tone.
"And you" Rafa said calmly, in a tone which made it impossible to tell if he was being serious or not.
"Are we gonna be okay leavin' you guys alone?" Amanda teased. "Should I tell Noah he's in charge of assigning time outs?"
"No" Barba responded.
"We're good" Carisi added at almost the exact same time.
"Cos if you can't play nicely together you're gonna have to come shopping with us" Amanda continued, looking from Carisi to Barba.
"No, no, we're good" Carisi replied quickly. "The only time out we're gonna need is from shopping, right Barba?"
"Absolutely" he replied, looking up at Liv with a half-smile. Liv smiled in amusement and took another sip of her hot chocolate. Liv watched as Barba looked up at Billie, who was snuggled up against Carisi, and staring at him with big eyes. His expression softened and he watched her curiously.
"Alright, well, you boys have fun" Amanda said lightly, before turning towards the play ground and saying goodbye to Jessie and Noah, then kissed Billie on the cheek. "Bye, baby" she cooed, before giving a warning look at Carisi, who returned it with a look of slight bewilderment.
Liv said goodbye to Noah, Carisi and the girls, before turning towards Barba and instructing him to call her if there were any issues.
"I will, but there won't be" Barba assured her. "We'll see you at lunch" he added confidently.
"Yeah, and I want three unscathed kids and two mildly-scathed adults, got it?" Amanda said. Barba nodded calmly in response.
"We got it, Amanda" Carisi assured her. Amanda seemed to consider this for a moment, before nodding in satisfaction and leading Liv out of the park. Carisi exhaled deeply and turned towards Barba, as he guided him inside. "You think cross-examinations of murderers and rapists is hard" he said quietly. "You just try and tell a mum her kid is hogging the sandpit" he said under his breath, as though worried the mother in question was within earshot. Barba chuckled and suppressed a smirk. Barely.
"Don't worry, Carisi" Rafael Barba said lightly, as he opened the park gate for him. "I'll protect you" he teased.
As they walked out of the park and headed into the city, Liv told Amanda about her morning, and her embarrassment after she cried in front of Barba.
"Liv, you've got nothin' to be embarrassed about" Amanda assured her. "You're tired, your hormones are ragin', you were stressed" she explained. "When I was pregnant with Jessie, I cried by the vending machine cos it ran out of diet soda" she stated as they approached the first store. "Fin found me bawling my eyes out and it took him a good ten minutes and the promise of two sodas to calm me down" she added. Liv smiled softly and nodded.
"Thanks, Amanda" she said gently. "I still feel guilty about how Barba found out about the baby" she explained. "And for putting him in this situation in the first place. So I-"
"Whoa whoa, you didn't put him in any situation" Amanda interjected, prompting Liv to look up at her. "You guys had sex, and now you're pregnant" she added, lowering her voice as she spoke. "It's not something you did all by yourself. He had some involvement."
"Yes he did" Liv acknowledged, as she followed Amanda towards the maternity section of the store. Her eyes drifted across the sea of multi-coloured blouses and she began to make her way through the rail. "Rafa and I slept together" she said quietly, as Amanda began to look through another section of work blouses.
"Yeah, that's why we're here" she responded, somewhat distracted. Liv looked towards her and Amanda stilled, before staring at her with wide eyes. "You mean you slept together since-"
"Yes" Liv responded, regretting her confession already.
"When?" she asked.
"Earlier this week" Liv replied. Amanda scoffed. "It's complicated."
"It doesn't sound complicated, Liv" Amanda said gently, her expression softening. "In fact, from where I'm standing, it seems pretty simple" she added. "Liv, he loves you" she said softly. Liv looked up at her with uncertainty.
"I know" she conceded. Amanda watched her for a moment.
"You love him too, don't you" Amanda asked gently. Liv smiled softly and met her gaze.
"Yes" she replied. Amanda relaxed and her shoulders fell.
"So why is that complicated?" Amanda asked gently. Liv stiffened slightly and sighed.
"Apart from our history" Liv began. "I'm carrying his child" she added. "So it's not like we'd just be dating, we'd be a family. All four of us" she explained. "He'd go from a single man to a partner and a father practically overnight" she stated. "That's not fair on him" she reasoned. "And I don't know if that is what he would want."
"Have you asked him?" Amanda asked gently.
"No" Liv responded. Amanda exhaled deeply.
"Liv" Amanda breathed.
"He's just getting used to the idea of me being pregnant, and of him becoming a father" Liv explained. "I don't want to make him feel any more pressure or responsibility than he already does" she advised.
"I get it" Amanda assured her, taking a step closer to her as they spoke. "Really, I do" she assured her. "But did it ever occur to you that the life you just described could be exactly the kind of life that he wants?" she suggested. "You've had Noah for the majority of the time you've known Barba, he even helped you with the adoption process" she reminded her. "Barba's not stupid, he knows exactly what would happen if you two started seeing each other" she advised. Liv looked up at her with uncertain eyes.
"I don't want him to feel obligated" Liv said quietly, as she continued to make her way through the blouses, removing several which she liked.
"Obligated to do what?" Amanda asked, perplexed. "To be with you?"
"Yes" Liv replied, as she examined the four blouses she had selected and picked up another, which was similar in colour to one of her choices, but she was just grateful for the variety of choice.
"You think he'd only want to be with you now out of a sense of obligation, because you're pregnant?" Amanda asked, her tone making it clear she thought the notion was ridiculous. Liv looked up at her with a resigned expression.
"He's a decent man" Liv said simply, her voice weary, her expression tired. "He wants to do the right thing" she reasoned. "Even if that is to his detriment."
"I don't think Barba views being with you as a detriment to anything" Amanda responded immediately. "He loves you, Liv" she stated with conviction. "Everyone knows it, and I know you do too" she explained. "You should see the way he looks at you" she continued, "Everyone deserves to be loved like that" she stated. "He is a decent man and he would want to do the right thing by you and his baby" she conceded. "But that doesn't mean for one second that he doesn't want to be with you" she continued. "Barba doesn't strike me as the kinda guy who has casual relationships. I mean, have you ever even known him to go on a date?"
"No" Liv replied slowly. "But that doesn't mean he doesn't" she added. Amanda sighed.
"Barba strikes me as the kind of man who would love one woman for a lifetime" Amanda said softly. "Like a swan, you know, how they mate for life?" she added, earning a small laugh from Liv at the word 'mate'.
"Maybe" Liv conceded, meeting Amanda's gaze once more. Amanda sighed lightly.
"Liv, I love you, and I admire you" Amanda assured her. "But I gotta say, I think the only ones making this situation complicated are you and Barba" she said simply. "Talk to him, be honest" she explained. "I'm not saying you shouldn't think about his feelings, I'm saying don't assume you know how he feels and what he wants" she advised. "He has always been straight for you, he's always told you the truth, even when he knew it would be difficult for you to hear. Like when he represented Wheatley" she reminded her, proceeding cautiously. "Don't overthink it and convince yourself you know what he wants" she said gently. "Give him the opportunity to tell you, and believe him when he does" she encouraged. "He would never lie to you, Liv" she added. Liv nodded in agreement.
"We do talk. We are talking" Liv explained.
"Talk faster" Amanda suggested. "And properly" she added. Liv nodded.
"He's so great with Noah" Liv said warmly. "And Noah adores him" she added. "When the three of us are together it feels like we're a family" she smiled. Amanda nodded in understanding. "But a baby is very different to an eight year old" she continued. "He's just got used to me being pregnant, and before we know it we're going to have a baby" she explained. "Rafa goes yachting on weekends and skiing in Gstaadt over the holidays" she stated. "He is organised and methodical and immaculate" she stated. "Babies are chaos and exhausting" she added. "I don't think Rafa's even held a baby before-"
"Neither has anyone, until they do" Amanda replied simply. "I'd never changed a diaper til I had Jessie. Now I could do it in the dark with one hand behind my back" she added, earning a smile from Liv. "He'll learn, Liv. Just like I did, just like you did, just like all parents do."
"I know, I know" Liv replied quickly. "I'm just concerned that he has been so focused on me, and making sure I am okay and the baby is okay, that he's not actually allowed himself to consider what it's going to be like when the baby arrives" she explained. "And how much he wants to be involved" she confessed. Amanda placed a comforting hand on Liv's back.
"He's the most organised man I have ever met, you've seen him prepare cases and prep us for testifying" Amanda explained. "I promise you, he has thought about this, a lot" she assured her. "He's probably read more books and articles on pregnancy and babies than you and I have combined" she stated. "Talk to him" she urged. "Please" she said sincerely. Liv stared at her before nodding slowly in agreement. Amanda rubbed her back comfortingly, before turning her attentions to the clothes she had gathered. "Now show me what you got" she instructed.
Over the next hour and a half, Liv and Amanda visited multiple clothing stores in the city, in what was an unquestionably successful shopping trip. Liv had picked up two new pairs of work trousers, a dozen blouses in various colours and designs, four three-quarter length dresses in different colours, two pairs of maternity jeans and half a dozen staple t-shirts. Whilst all of those items were maternity wear, she also purchased three sets of lounge wear in black, blue and green which was stretchy and accommodating, together with half a dozen jumpers, all of which she could grow into. She also got herself properly measured in a lingerie store and bought five new underwear sets and a dozen additional pairs of panties.
Feeling relaxed and relieved she had finally dealt with the issue of her wardrobe, Liv and Amanda headed into their chosen restaurant laden with bags. As they headed towards the table where Carisi, Barba and the children were seated, Barba caught sight of Liv and rose immediately, heading towards her and Amanda and relieving each of them of several bags.
"Did you leave any clothes for the other women in New York?" Rafa asked sarcastically as he carried the bags towards the table.
"Well, if it weren't for you, Counsellor, she wouldn't have needed to buy any new clothes at all" Amanda teased. Liv watched Rafa's cheeks flush for a moment, and Amanda smiled with satisfaction, heading towards the table.
"Did you get everything you needed?" Rafa asked.
"I did. Thank you" Liv replied as they headed towards the table.
"I didn't realise how much you would need" Rafa said quietly, his tone somewhere between guilt and embarrassment. "It didn't occur to me, and it should have" he continued. "It's only right that I pay for-"
"No, Rafa" Liv interrupted.
"Despite her levity, Amanda is right" Rafa stated, stopping for a moment before they reached the table, which prompting Liv to do the same and meet his gaze. "You wouldn't need these clothes if-"
"Firstly, Rafa, women don't buy clothes simply out of necessity-" Liv began.
"But on this occasion that is precisely what happened" Rafa reasoned, remembering her crying in her bedroom earlier that day, the memory causing something deep inside him to ache. Liv sighed lightly.
"It's possible I went a little overboard" Liv admitted. "They aren't all maternity clothes" she advised, realising she was clutching at straws. "Most of them I can wear afterwards" she explained. From the look Rafa was giving her it was clear he did not believe her.
"Can we please talk about this later?" he asked hopefully. Liv nodded in agreement. It was clear he felt strongly about this, and was feeling uncomfortable by how much she had bought. She wondered whether she should have bought less today and ordered more online instead.
"Yeah, sure" Liv acceded, as they made their way back towards the table.
Liv and Rafa greeted their friends and placed their bags down, pushing them under the table so they were out of the way. Liv removed her coat and pulled out the chair next to Noah, whilst Rafa sat down on her left. She was about to sit down when Jessie, who had been colouring in her seat beside Noah, looked up at her and smiled.
"Auntie Liv" Jessie smiled, beaming up at her. Before Liv had a chance to respond, the young girl's eyes drifted towards her belly. The material of her oversized sweater was pulled tight against her belly as she was removing her coat, revealing the prominent swell. Jessie's eyes widened. "Baby!" she exclaimed, quickly getting out of her seat and hurrying towards Liv, before Carisi could stop her.
"Jessie, honey, come and take your seat" called Amanda, who was sitting beside Carisi, and was holding Billie on her lap.
Jessie ignored her mother and ran straight to Liv, who was holding her coat over her left arm, and watching the little girl expectantly. Jessie put her hand on her belly and splayed out her fingers, before looking up at Liv and smiling. Liv felt her breath catch in her throat, and she tensed instinctively, before slowly relaxing. She was still getting used to people noticing her pregnancy and talking to her about it. Touching her belly felt very strange.
"There's a baby" Jessie proclaimed proudly. "Hello, baby" she giggled, talking to Liv's stomach.
"That's right, Jessie. There is a baby in there" Liv said softly. Jessie nodded in agreement.
"Mummy had a baby too, it was Billie" she explained. Liv smiled and nodded.
"I know" Liv replied warmly.
"Jessie" Amanda cautioned, her tone prompting her daughter to look up at her. "Come and sit down, darlin'" she said warmly. Jessie nodded and looked up at Liv.
"Bye, Auntie Liv" Jessie said sweetly. "Bye, baby" she added, before hurrying back to her seat in a fit of giggles. Amanda flashed Liv and apologetic expression, and Liv waved her hand dismissively, before taking up her seat between Noah and Rafa.
As Liv tucked herself in she felt Rafa's hand capture hers and give it a comforting squeeze. She squeezed his hand back and then let it go, as they each picked up their menus and began to discuss lunch options with the table.
After a long lunch with Amanda, Carisi and the girls, Liv, Rafa and Noah arrived back at Liv's apartment at half-past three. Each of them were carrying some of Liv's bags, which they took into her bedroom.
"Noah, sweetie, why don't you go and run yourself a bath and get into your pyjamas, and we can have a movie night?" Liv suggested. Noah smiled and bolted out of the room, heading straight into the bathroom. Liv chuckled and placed her own bags down on the bed, as Rafa added the ones he had carried. "I think I might have gone a little bit overboard" she confessed.
"I suspect it would be wise for me not to offer a response" Rafa said quietly.
"That is correct" Liv confirmed with a smile, looking up at him and watching as his gaze drifted over the bags.
"Liv, I would really like to contribute towards-" Rafa began, his words prompting Liv to become visibly uncomfortable. "We did talk about me paying my fair share" he reminded her gently.
"Yes, for the baby, not for me" Liv informed him. Rafa sighed lightly.
"And the baby is the reason you needed these" he said, gesturing towards the bags which covered the bottom third of her bed. "And, technically, if you're wearing them so is the baby."
"No, no, not even close" Liv protested, raising a hand as she spoke. "Rafa, like I said, I can wear all of these after I've had the baby" she explained, earning a raised eyebrow and look of disbelief from the counsellor. "Most of them" she corrected.
"Then let me pay for the ones you won't be wearing afterwards" Rafa suggested. Liv sighed and shook her head. "Liv, I'm not trying to make you feel uncomfortable" he assured her. "I'm just trying to be fair" he explained.
"I know" Liv acceded. "I get it, I do" she assured him, holding his gaze as she spoke. "How about I pay for the clothes, and you buy the stroller?" she suggested. Rafa considered her suggestion for a few moments before nodding in agreement.
"Fine" he responded. Liv sighed in relief.
"Would you like the plea bargain to be written up and signed, counsellor?" Liv teased. Rafa narrowed his eyes.
"I'll get Carmen right on it" he replied sarcastically. Liv's expression softened and she smiled.
"Speaking of the clothes" Liv began tentatively, her voice quieter and more serious. "I wanted to thank you for being so understanding this morning" she said sincerely. "And for being patient and practical when I was being" she hesitated, struggling for the right word. "Ridiculous" she added. Rafa shook his head.
"You weren't being ridiculous" Rafa reassured her, his voice kind and gentle. Liv sighed.
"Emotional, then. Hormonal, probably" she reasoned. Rafa shook his head.
"I'm sorry you were upset, and I hope that this" he replied, gesturing towards her bed, "means you won't be in that situation again" he added simply.
"I think I'm good" Liv said lightly. Rafa smiled and nodded in agreement.
"You're sure you're alright?" Rafa asked gently, his kind, intelligent eyes meeting hers. She quickly worked out what he was referring to, and lowered her gaze from his, swallowing hard. "If you don't want to talk about it I won't ask you again" he assured her. "But if you do want to talk about it, I'm here" he said gently. Liv sighed lightly as she considered the matter, before looking up and meeting his gaze.
"I dreamt that I was in a hospital bed, holding our baby" Liv began, somewhat hesitantly. "Your mother came into the room and took the baby" she explained. "She said the baby was her blood and not mine" she added, watching Rafa carefully as she spoke. He was listening attentively and nodded in understanding. "She started to carry the baby out of the room, and when she looked back at me from the doorway her face turned into Sheila Porter's" she explained. Rafa's shoulders dropped slightly and he nodded in understanding. "I know it was just a nightmare. I know it wasn't real" she advised. "But the last time someone new came into mine and Noah's lives, I nearly lost him" she explained. Rafa nodded.
"And you are scared that that might happen again" Rafa said gently.
"I don't think for one moment that your mother is going to kidnap our baby" Liv assured him, scoffing with embarrassment as she spoke.
"No, she wouldn't" Rafa replied gently. "No one is going to take our baby away from you" he said warmly, stepping towards her and putting his hands on her arms comfortingly. "Not my mother, not me, no one" he stated, his eyes holding her gaze.
"I know" Liv said quietly, forcing a small smile. Rafa's eyes softened.
"You've been thinking about dinner with my mother tomorrow" Rafa reminded her. "It was on your mind, so when you fell asleep your mind just took over and wove it into something frightening" he continued. Liv nodded in agreement.
"Yeah" Liv said softly. Rafa watched her for a moment, before stroking her arm gently.
"Speaking of misunderstandings" Rafa began cautiously. "Do you remember when you came into the living room yesterday afternoon and asked what Noah and I were talking about?" he asked. Liv nodded slowly in response. "He told me that you told him the baby you are carrying is my baby too" he continued, prompting Liv to nod in agreement. "And he asked if that meant that I'm your boyfriend" he added.
"Ah" Liv replied.
"It's been a while since I had a cross examination like that" Rafa remarked lightly. "I wasn't sure exactly what you told him about me, so I hesitated, and he suggested he could ask you out for me" he added. "Which was very thoughtful" he said with a smile. Liv laughed.
"I am so sorry" Liv said gently. "It's my fault that he is confused" she added. "And that this is so complicated" she added quietly. Rafa inhaled deeply.
"What if it wasn't?" Rafa asked gently. Liv blinked and looked up at him, an expression of mild confusion upon her face.
"What do you mean?" she asked uncertainly. Rafa's expression softened.
"I mean" Rafa began carefully. "Perhaps this isn't as complicated as we thought" he added. "At least, it doesn't have to be" he explained. Liv's eyes widened slightly, and she felt her heart begin to race.
"Are you asking me out, counsellor?" she asked, surprise and warmth present in her tone.
"Well if we were in high school, that is exactly how I'd describe it" Rafa said lightly, earning a nervous smile from Liv. "What I am doing – what I am suggesting" he corrected. "Is that I love you, very much. I want to be with you, I want to have a future with you, and Noah and our baby" he explained, looking down towards her belly as he spoke. "I want a life filled with colour, not black and white" he said simply. "And if that's what you want too, then this really is very simple. In fact, it couldn't be simpler" he added. "But if it's not-"
"It is" Liv responded quickly. "It is what I want, Rafa" she assured him. "I just didn't realise that you wanted it too" she explained. Rafa frowned in confusion.
"How could I not?" he asked, bewildered. Liv hesitated.
"I didn't want you to be with me out of a sense of obligation-"
"I'm not" Rafa replied quickly. "I want to be with you because I love you, not because you are pregnant" he assured her. "Whatever happens I will always be here to support you and our child, and it is an honour to do so" he added, watching as Liv's eyes softened in response. "Being with you is everything I could possibly want. And far more than I deserve" he said sincerely.
"You deserve to be happy, Rafa" Liv breathed.
"And I am" he assured her. "With you. And Noah" he explained. "And our baby" he added.
"Really?" Liv asked, the question escaping her lips before she could stop it. "You're sure?"
"I've never been more sure of anything in my life" he replied. Liv's eyes widened and she nodded, as Rafa drew her close, lowering his head to hers and kissing her tenderly on the lips.
After having a relaxing evening at home and spending the majority of the next day at the Manhattan' Children's Museum, Rafa, Liv and Noah headed to Lucia Barba's home in Kingsbridge, the Bronx. Rafa was driving and Liv was sitting in the passenger seat, wearing the dark purple three-quarter sleeve midi dress she bought the day before, which she matched with high heels and a fitted black blazer. She was holding a bottle of red wine and a box of chocolates. Noah was in the back, wearing a pair of dark jeans and a smart shirt and his black school shoes and coat. He was carrying a large bouquet of calla lilies, which Rafa had informed Liv were his mother's favourite.
"I can't believe you bought flowers, wine and chocolates" Rafa said lightly, as he pulled up outside the modest house mid-terraced red brick house. "Are you trying to date my mother?" he teased.
"I'll let you know after I taste her cooking" Liv responded lightly, undoing her seatbelt and smiling at Rafa as she opened the car door.
Liv stepped out of the car and onto the pavement, before opening the back door for Noah. Noah got out very slowly, holding the flowers very carefully so they wouldn't get crushed.
Rafa walked slowly towards the bottom of the staircase, waiting for Liv and Noah, who were walking towards him. His gaze drifted towards Liv's belly, which was accentuated by the purple dress. It was the first time she had worn an outfit which revealed her pregnancy, and she looked beautiful. Her eyes were bright, her skin shone, and her hair was arranged in loose curls around her shoulders. She looked absolutely radiant.
"Ready?" Rafa asked gently, knowing Liv was nervous, despite the fact she would not admit it.
"I am" she responded, placing a comforting hand on her son's back as they headed up the pathway and towards the front door.
Rafa rang the door bell and stepped back, standing next to Liv, with Noah in front. The door opened moments later, and Lucia Barba appeared, immaculately presented in perfect make-up and a black dress. She smiled at her guests and greeted them warmly, before stepping to the side and encouraging them to come in.
"Come inside, it's freezing" Lucia advised, prompting Noah to walk confidently into the house, followed by Liv and Rafa.
"Thank you for inviting us" Liv said politely.
"Not at all. I'm sorry it took so long. Rafi should have brought you over years ago" Lucia stated, her voice somewhat chiding as she turned towards her son.
"Technically, I didn't bring her at all. You summoned us all" Rafa advised.
"Oh, Rafi. Don't be so dramatic" she said dismissively, her voice pleasant and her tone light.
"Hi Mrs Barba, I'm Noah" Noah said sweetly, prompting Lucia to look down at him with a smile. "These are for you" he advised, holding the flowers out to her.
"What wonderful manners you have!" Lucia commended. "They're beautiful, thank you so much, Noah" she added sincerely, as she accepted the flowers. "And please, call me Lucia" she advised. Noah nodded.
"Is it true you're Uncle Rafa's mum?" he asked curiously.
"I am" she said warmly, looking towards her son. "For my sins" she teased. Rafa rolled his eyes and Liv suppressed a laugh.
"Cool" Noah giggled.
"I'm glad you think so" Lucia said gently.
"Mum says you're a teacher" Noah suggested. Lucia nodded.
"I am" she confirmed. "I am Principal of a local high school, and I teach English Literature" she advised. Noah nodded in understanding. "Would you like to help me put these beautiful flowers in a vase?" she asked.
"Okay" Noah said agreeably. Lucia smiled and turned towards her son, who was helping Olivia with her coat.
"Olivia, Rafi, can I get you something to drink?" she asked. "I bought fresh lemons for ice water if that's what you would like."
"That would be wonderful, thank you" Liv replied gratefully. Lucia smiled and looked towards her son.
"Scotch?" Lucia suggested. Rafa nodded.
"Thank you, Mami" Rafa replied with affection. "Let me help you-"
"No, no, I'm fine" Lucia assured him. "I already have a little helper, don't I, Noah?" she asked.
"Yes!" Noah proclaimed proudly, as he followed Lucia into the kitchen.
"Make yourselves comfortable in the living room" Lucia called over her shoulder. "Olivia, I made you some more Torticas de Moron" she stated. "Make sure you get to them before my Rafi does" she teased. Liv looked up at Rafa and smiled.
"Don't" Rafa sighed, raising a hand as he spoke, before leaving an amused Liv into the living room.
"I didn't say a word" Liv said quietly.
"You didn't have to" Rafa responded dryly, watching as Liv walked calmly into the living room and looked around the surroundings. She took a few steps into the room and placed the wine and chocolates onto a nearby table, which was laden with her new favourite sweet treats, and some savoury snacks of chips and dips, which she suspected were for Noah's benefit. She smiled as she returned her attentions to the room.
It was a beautiful room with dark wooden floors and burgundy walls. A large fireplace with decorative tiles and a wooden mantel stood proudly in the centre wall, and was surrounded by classic dark wooden furniture. Shelves had been built in the alcoves of the walls and were lined with books, and Liv walked instinctively towards them, reading the titles. There was a mixture of academic-style texts and classical literature. The words of Virginia Woolf and Emily Dickinson stood side by side, and works by feminist writers such as Simone de Beauvoir, Maya Angelou Margaret Atwood lined the shelves. The latter works were clearly well-read and, she suspected, first editions.
"You can tell a lot about a person by the books they read" Liv mused, looking over her shoulder towards Rafa, who was slowly approaching her.
"And what can you tell about my mother?" he asked with interest. Liv stared at him for several moments, her expression softening and her eyes affectionate.
"I can see how it takes a woman like her to raise a son like you" she said warmly.
Rafa watched Liv for a moment, before nodding imperceptibly, and taking a single step closer to the shelf.
"When I was a child I would spend evenings sat in that chair by the fire, reading and reading" Rafa explained, pointing towards an Edwardian armchair with a red cushioned seat. "I remember reading Oliver Twist when I was ten, I finished it on Christmas Eve" he said pensively. Liv reached towards the bookshelf and picked up the very book, and he accepted it, a fond smile playing upon his lips.
"And you were outraged by Nancy's death" Liv suspected.
"I was" Rafa confirmed, nodding as he opened the familiar book and skimmed through a few pages.
"And sickened by Sikes and Fagan" she continued. Rafa nodded.
"I can picture you reading Bleak House, too" Liv said lightly. Rafa chuckled.
"Actually, I read that immediately after" he responded, before carefully replacing Oliver Twist.
"Your mother has quite the collection" Liv said fondly.
"She does" Rafa agreed. "She keeps the Mills and Boone upstairs" he teased. Liv laughed out loud just as Noah walked into the room, smiling as he headed towards his mother with a large glass of ice water with wedges of lemon.
"Thank you, sweetie" Liv said fondly, stroking her son's hair.
"Lucia let me have apple juice" he explained, sipping from his own glass. "She didn't have any soda" he added, just as Lucia appeared in the room carrying Rafa's scotch.
"Thank you, Mami" Rafa said warmly, as he accepted the drink from his mother.
"Lucia, Uncle Rafa and my mum are having a baby!" Noah said brightly, smiling as he spoke.
"It's a good job I told her first" Rafa said quietly, as he took a sip of his scotch.
"I know" Lucia said warmly. "It's exciting, isn't it?" she asked. Noah nodded keenly in response. "You're going to be a big brother" she advised.
"Uh-huh" Noah agreed. "Will you be the baby's grandma?" he asked.
"Yes, I will" Lucia advised. Noah considered the information and nodded.
"Does that mean you'll be my grandma, too?" Noah asked curiously.
Liv opened her mouth to respond but found herself suddenly unable to do so. She had been so focused on explaining the relationship between herself and Rafa that she had not considered confusion Noah may have towards Lucia.
Lucia was aware of Noah's parentage and his kidnapping ordeal, from both the press and her conversations with her son. Her expression softened and she looked down at Noah, placing a gentle hand upon his shoulder.
"If you would like me to, it would be an honour" Lucia said carefully, not wanting to upset Noah or Olivia, or cause the little boy any confusion.
"Yes please" Noah smiled. Liv's expression softened and her eyes became emotional. She swallowed thickly before taking a small sip of her water.
"Then it's settled" Lucia proclaimed proudly. "Why don't we all take a seat?" she suggested, meeting Liv's gaze and offering her a reassuring smile. Liv returned it and sat down on the couch beside Rafa, as Lucia sat in an armchair to their left.
"Mum bought you some red wine and chocolates" Noah declared, lifting them up off the table and offering them to Lucia. "We can share the chocolates if you like" he suggested. Lucia suppressed a laugh.
"Maybe later. We wouldn't want to spoil our dinner, would we?" she replied.
"No" Noah confirmed with a shake of his head. Lucia turned towards Liv and thanked her, and Liv smiled, before turning her attentions towards her son.
"Noah, sweetie" Liv began, "why don't you come and-"
"Are these books all yours?" Noah asked, as he stared up at the shelves to his right. Lucia smiled.
"They are" she confirmed.
"Cool" Noah breathed. He was about to take a step towards them when he turned around, looking from his mother to Lucia. "Please can I see them?" he asked. Lucia looked towards Olivia, who nodded.
"You can" Liv said carefully. "But please be careful" she added, as Noah turned on the spot and walked towards the shelves.
After a few moments had passed Lucia rose to her feet and walked towards Noah, who was reading the title of each book on the bottom shelf.
"You know, Noah, your Uncle Rafa liked to read, too. He still does" Lucia explained, prompting Noah to look up at him. "I kept all the books he liked reading when he was a child. They're just here" she advised, opening the dark wooden cupboard doors of the cabinet beneath the shelves, revealing piles of neatly-stacked books.
"Wow" Noah said, easing himself down onto his knees as he began to read the titles. After a few moments he reached inside and was about to remove a book, when he hesitated, and then looked up at Lucia. "Please can I read this one?" he asked.
"Of course" Lucia responded amiably, watching as Noah reached into the cupboard and removed a well-read edition of Rudyard Kipling's 'Jungle Book'.
Noah flicked through the pages and admired the black and white images, before rising to his feet and hurrying towards the armchair by the fire. He climbed onto it and leaned back against it, seeming so little in its large embrace, as he snuggled against the arm and began to read.
Liv looked from Noah to Lucia, who was gazing pensively at Noah, a wistful smile playing upon her lips. She was confident she knew what she was remembering. After a few moments had passed Lucia blinked and walked back towards her own seat, easing herself into it and facing Rafa and Liv with a warm smile. Liv met the familiar eyes of Lucia Barba, and found the intelligent, analytical gaze of Rafa staring back at her.
"Thank you for coming" Lucia said sincerely, directing her words at both Liv and Rafa. "I thought it would be nice to get to know each other before the baby arrives" she explained, looking towards Noah as she spoke, her expression softening as she watched him read. "Seeing as we are going to be family" she added, warmth present in her tone and expression.
"Thank you for inviting us" Liv responded, touched by Lucia's words. "You have a beautiful home" she added.
"I'm glad you think so" Lucia responded, turning her attentions from Noah to Liv, whose eyes she met with warmth and sincerity. "Because it's your home now, too."