Avengers: Search for the Winter Soldier

A Call to Action

Chapter 1

"He's out there," Steve told them. "He needs us."

Standing at the large bank of windows lining the north side of the Avengers' meeting room, Rogers stared out over the compound to the horizon; as if softly searching for someone. When he didn't receive a response, he turned to see Tony staring at him as if he'd lost his mind. The others were either exchanging glances of uncertainty with one another or simply looking back at him with a willingness to be open-minded, at least in conversation. Natasha was the only one not reacting at all; she simply pursed her lips together and stared at the edge of the table in front of her.

"He needs our help," Steve repeated, defining his previous statement.

"Really?" Sam challenged. "Because the last time we all went up against him he kicked our asses."

"That's not Bucky. That's… who they turned him into."

Sam looked at him with an openly disbelieving expression.

"Trust me, Sam. That man… that… assassin… is not my friend."

"Exactly!" Sam replied.

Steve shook his head as he dropped his gaze to the floor at his feet. "Hydra turned him into that... that thing. That is not who Bucky really is. I can't even imagine what they've done to him to strip him of all that he was… the person he was. Bucky was… compassion and courage… he was loyal and loving. He was fun… always… always smiling and finding the good in every situation. He was…" Steve had to pause before saying, "he was my best friend. When I had nothing else… I still had Bucky." He stated and they listened to every word. "He was always there for me…. always." Steve moved away from the windows, deep in thought as his team looked on. They waited patiently for him to continue. They each could sense there was more he needed to say. "We used to always say "I'm with you to the end of the line." It was our personal promise to each other that we'd always be there for one another. I didn't follow through with that promise. All these years, he was out there having God-knows-what done to him and I wasn't there for him."

"There's no way you could have possibly known that he survived that fall from the train," Bruce pointed out.

"I should have gone back. I should have made sure someone went back for him. We don't leave men behind…" Steve told them, refusing to acknowledge that his original course of action was the only logical one for the time.

"Don't do this to yourself, Steve," Natasha told him. The others murmured their agreement with Nat's statement.

Tony slid from his chair to stand up and he scanned each face now looking at him expectantly. He then seemed to have come to a decision and he nodded at his own thoughts. Reaching out he put a hand on Rogers' shoulder and said "I'll help you. We…" he corrected and gave each Avenger a pointed look, "we will help you get your friend back."

Steve raised his gaze and looked at Tony with great appreciation. "Thank you," he said with a grateful smile.

Sam shook his head and said, "I think this is a mistake."

"I understand your reluctance to put yourself in a similar situation as on the Heli-carrier -," Steve began.

"This isn't about me," Sam explained. "This is about you trying to rescue someone you lost seventy years ago. It's been seventy years, Steve. This isn't someone who was abducted last week and being held by common thugs for ransom. He's been under Hydra's influence for nearly a century. There may be nothing that can be done for him at this point. He may be too far gone -"

"Great speech from a trauma counselor," Tony interjected.

Sam took a deep breath in frustration and let it out in a loud huff. "I'm trying to be pragmatic here. We shouldn't pursue this under any illusions that finding him and bringing him back here is going to end in a happily-ever-after scenario."

"You're right," Steve replies softly, "but I have to try. You don't understand..."

"I understand!" Sam assured him. "I do. But you have to understand, and I mean really understand that this idea is- could be extremely dangerous. Not just for you, or us, but for him. He belongs to Hydra…"

"He's not property! He doesn't belong to anyone!" Steve argued back.

"I understand that," Sam told him in a calmer tone, "but he doesn't. Neither does Hydra… they'll come looking for him. He's their greatest and most successful 'smart weapon'. They aren't just going to notice he hasn't returned and just shrug and say 'it's been a good run'."

Steve listened and let out a sigh. The team members exchanged glances. Sam was right and they knew that. If they capture the Winter Soldier and hold him at the compound, they risk bringing the full force of Hydra's henchmen down on them.

"All I'm pointing out is that we need to be on our toes every second," Sam explained, looking around the room at each of them. "That's if we can even get him back here without getting ourselves killed. I assume we're bringing him back here… Yes?" Sam asked, looking between Steve and Tony.

Steve looked at Tony for confirmation, realizing that he had simply assumed they'd bring him back to the Avengers Compound. Tony looked back for a moment and then jolted himself from his thoughts as he realized they were all waiting for an answer. "Hmm? Yes. Yes! Yes, yes, of course we'll bring him back here. Yes."

"Okay," Sam responded, "so then what?" He looked between Steve and Tony again and then to each member of the team before looking directly back at Rogers and Stark. "We are not qualified to deal with that!" he pointed out. "I am not qualified to deal with that level of trauma and dissociation! He's going to need a professional… and I don't mean a couple of hour-long sessions a month, I mean a professional living here, with us, helping all of us as we try to help him. This is a task of monumental proportions that you're suggesting and we cannot get into it without resources in place before we even step off."

"Good point," Tony replied softly. He thought for a moment and then moved away to go to the kitchen. He picked up his phone from the counter and; holding it in his left hand he punched buttons with his thumb while pouring a glass of wine with the other hand. He glanced up when the silence in the room became deafening to see the whole team looking at him. "I have connections," he informed them with a slight shrug.

He finished dialing and took the glass of wine with him as he strolled to the far side of the great room. The team watched him walk away and then turned their attention to each other. As a more social conversation was started at the conference table, Steve turned back to the large windows.

He couldn't stop wondering where the Winter Soldier was right now; what was he doing and who was he doing it to? Steve didn't even really know if he'd ever see his friend again. What if he'd gone back to Hydra and they simply put him on ice for the next ten or twenty years until they need him again? All of these thoughts were causing him stress and he was beginning to get a headache. He put a hand over his eyes and pressed his thumb and middle finger into his temples to try to relieve the pressure.

Natasha was only half-listening to the conversation at the table as she watched Steve. She could see how much of an effect this was having on him and she slid from her seat to go to him.

"You okay?" she asked, as she came up to stand on his left side. She put a hand on his bicep and the contact sent her message of support and he nodded. "You sure?" she asked, "- because you don't look okay."

"It's tearing me apart, Nat," he told her. "I can't even convey how much Bucky means to me. There are no words," he told her and dropped his hand. He turned to face her and she could see the turmoil in his blue eyes.

"I think I know," she told him. "My whole life," she said and then paused… "My whole life I wished for someone to love me as much as you love Barnes." Steve's pained expression nearly made her cry as he looked at her; listening to her words. "He's your family… I get that."

"He's not just family," Steve imparted to her. "He's everything to me… Bucky is everything to me. I'd give my life for him."

Nat smiled softly and nodded. "You proved that," she told him and leaned her back against the frame of the window to face him. "You know that's okay, right?"

"What?" Steve asked, confused.

"…to love him that much."

Steve shrugged and shook his head thoughtfully. "I don't have a choice in that," he told her. "Since kindergarten, Bucky's been the best friend I have ever had. When no one else would even give a skinny, sickly, 90 pound weakling a second glance or even the time of day… Bucky never flinched. He was there for me, always. In every situation life threw at me… he was my one constant… the one person I knew, without question, was on my side."

"Your North star," she said with a smile. Steve looked at her curiously. Nat smiled at him and explained. "The North star… a shining beacon in the night to guide you toward your destination; the guiding light on your life's journey; the one true constant in the northern sky… steady, unwavering and true. A beacon of inspiration and hope…"

"Oh God," Steve choked out; realizing that's exactly what James Barnes had been his entire life; steady, unwavering and true.

Nat rubbed her hand on his arm trying to lend him some comfort and when it didn't seem to be helping she pushed through his arms to press against him. Steve wrapped his arms around her and accepted the hug of support.

"I have to do this," he said softly holding back tears.

"I know you do. We're going to help you," she told him and he held her tighter.

Stark's connection turned out to be one Dr. Emily Golden, a highly experienced psycho-therapist whose main focus, for the past twelve years, had been in dealing with people whose experience included repeated, long-term abuses and trauma, physical mutilations, and physical and psychological torture.

It took her two days to clear her schedule and delegate her workload to her peers so she could focus on this case. When Tony had called her, she was at once saddened to hear about the man he described to her and professionally exhilarated to be the one to receive this incredible opportunity to help a lost soul find his way back to his former life where friends were waiting for him.

She had instructed Tony to speak with the team and decide on three or four specific team members who would take on this particular endeavor. To try to include the entire team of Avengers would only overwhelm the man they were hoping to help, but as it turned out only four of them felt a personal connection to either the man in question or his circumstances. The choices were easy, actually.

Steven Rogers was Barnes' best friend from childhood; Tony Stark opened his home and his resources to the mission; Natasha Romanoff had similar life experiences and could be a relatable figure, and as a woman she could offer a softer and perhaps a less threatening opportunity to sound off; and Dr. Bruce Banner, who clearly had experience with the same type of duality of personality that Barnes will most likely experience as they worked to help him shed the Winter Soldier personification and would allow him to once again become acquainted with himself as Sgt. James Barnes.

Steve had asked Sam Wilson to be part of the team, since he also had experience counseling vets with PTSD, but Sam was still feeling the negative effects from having nearly lost his own life to the Winter Soldier.

The Soldier had grabbed him out of the air with one hand and had held him aloft even with his jetpack firing up. The strength it took just to be able to do that, and hold him aloft before tossing him like a ragdoll onto the carrier's deck, was a strength that he couldn't fully wrap his head around.

Moments later, he'd been snared by the Soldier's cable and had a wing torn from his apparatus; at the end of their short confrontation the Soldier then kicked him off the carrier three thousand feet above the ground; knowing the Falcon couldn't stay airborne with only one flying wing. Sam had barely been able to release the jet pack's remaining wing in time to deploy his emergency chute before fatal impact.

Sam could clearly recall that horrible sensation of not being fast enough. He could still hear his own voice shouting out in those last seconds before he touched down; a little harder than he normally liked but at least he hadn't been injured. He had been certain in those final seconds that his chute hadn't had time to fully open and he was going to hit too hard to survive it; that entire sixty second experience had shaken Sam Wilson to his core.

He wasn't ready to face that man – that Soldier – with any pretense of compassion or understanding. So he did the right thing and opted out of the mission. He would help capture the Soldier, but then he would take his leave of the situation. Steve understood, and respected Sam's decision and the reasons for it.

Three days after Tony made the phone call, the four chosen members were seated in a small conference room on a lower level of the facility that housed the headquarters for the Avengers. It was situated away from the busy-ness of every day hustle and bustle within the building so Dr. Emily Golden could begin her instruction of the team members. She had arrived in the early morning and everyone had taken the time to help her get settled in to her assigned living space within the Avengers Corporate Headquarters residential building.

Her arrival was met with some enthusiasm as well as some trepidation. She understood the varying degrees of emotions swirling around her. The task ahead of them was filled with hope for some and worry for all. As she met each member of the team during her orientation and tour of the compound and the assorted buildings and technology available to her during her stay, Emily began to gain confidence that this particular intervention just may be successful. She'd never met a more well-balanced group of individuals who understood the magnitude of the work it was going to take to make it successful. That's not to say that each of the team members didn't have their own personal issues; after all, none of them were, nor had been, untouchable. But they each brought their strengths and talents to the team; they balanced each other, 'that was a better way of looking at it', she thought with a smile.

It was now mid-afternoon and she was seated at a long rectangular table at the front of the briefing room, reading every note and every single file inside the folder in front of her as she sipped her hot tea. The four people chosen to take part in the upcoming intervention waited patiently for her to finish, sitting at a round table at the center of the room. This was their first day in class; today began their instruction in what they could expect throughout this undertaking.

Steve, Tony, Bruce and Natasha waited for Dr. Golden to finish reading the file in front of her. They remained respectful and quiet as she made notes in the file and in a spiral bound notebook beside her. When she finished and felt better informed on what they were dealing with, Emily put the cap back on her pen and closed the file folder.

She stood up and walked around the table as she mulled over all that she'd read. She offered the group a friendly smile and then took a seat at the round table with them. Steve was to her right and Tony to her immediate left and Natasha and Bruce behind them, respectively. Tony and Steve shifted their chairs slightly, and pulled in their legs to accommodate her.

Emily took a moment to meet each gaze and get a feel for each person at the table. She was pleased with the energy she felt and believed this group just might be able to accomplish their goal. She thought for a moment as to how to broach the subject matter, but realizing that the people in front of her were no strangers to conflict, and were quite adept at diplomacy, she decided to just plunge right in.

"All of us, at one time or another in our lives, have been called upon to help a friend or loved one through a difficult time," Dr. Golden began. "When the help our friend or loved one requires consists mostly of concrete actions such as running errands, or cooking a meal, or simply making a phone call, we know what we have to do. It's simple and it's something specific we can focus on, take action on, and we know right away that it was done and we were successful in helping our loved one with their needs.

"But sometimes we are called upon to serve our friend or loved one in a different capacity… one that can be confusing and uncomfortable at times and this is where many people fail to give their loved one what they need the most. They fail to hold a space for their loved one as they go through their journey of grief and healing. This is more difficult for us because it requires us to use our softer gifts, our emotions and patience and empathy."

"What does that mean?" Bruce asked her. "Hold a space?"

Emily gave him a small smile. "Usually I make this little speech to a group of psyche students, so forgive me for using cold terms such as "our loved one" or "the person". Since I'm here to help you with a specific person in your life, I'm going to change this up and make it very personal… because it's going to be," she told them. "I'll answer your question, Dr. Banner, at the end of what I'm going to explain to you. It'll be easier to understand what it means if I explain what you're going to be dealing with first. Okay?" she asked and the four Avengers in front of her nodded.

"From what you've told me about James Barnes and what I've read in his S.H.I.E.L.D. file; the atrocities he's had to endure for the past seventy years or so… wow, seventy years," she realized suddenly, "such a long time. I deal with people all the time who've experienced long-term traumas, but I can't say that any of them can claim seventy years of abuse and torture."

Steve looked at the folder lying on the table and back to Dr. Golden. "How did you get S.H.I.E.L.D.'s file on Buck- on the Winter Soldier?" he asked.

Emily looked at him and smiled softly. "I have connections at S.H.I.E.L.D. I often work for them in my professional capacity. Nick Fury gave me the file."

"So Fury knows what we're planning to do?" he asked, a strong sense of worry suddenly enveloped him and he looked to Tony in alarm. Stark was listening to the goings on, his chin resting in his hand; he raised one finger and simply shook his head at Rogers as if to say 'don't worry'.

"Yes," Emily told him. "Nick was informed of your plan and he is behind you one hundred percent. This was his way of showing his support."

"How does S.H.I.E.L.D. know exactly what Hydra did to him?" Bruce asked and Steve shot him a glance and nodded, as he had the same question.

"Fury may wear a patch, but he has eyes and ears everywhere," she told them.

"Does that include you?" Steve asked, suspiciously.

"If you're asking me if I intend to report back to S.H.I.E.L.D. in regards to our progress here, the answer is no. I will be, however, updating the Director now and again, because he's going to be a great ally who has a lot of resources we may need at some point. Make no mistake here… Nick is on your side."

Steve nodded and behind him Natasha smiled briefly. She had a lot of trust in Fury, even though he didn't always tell her everything.

"Nick is concerned, as am I… as you all should be… that this can go sideways in a blink of an eye," she told them. "Barnes may not be able to take control of his mind and body for a long time. He may show aspects of breaking through, maybe for mere seconds, before the Soldier persona takes control again. I can't give you absolutes as far as a time frame, but I can guarantee that the Soldier will fight us every step of the way, especially when he starts to lose control of the mind and body. I can also guarantee that James will, at some point, begin to feel… anguish, grief, guilt, anger. Hydra took a lot from James Barnes; not just an arm, or his free will, but they denied him seventy years of his life. They denied him his basic human rights and they denied him friends and family to love him and to support him. They denied him his freedom to choose for himself… and from what I read, and have seen in video files of the Soldier in action, I can say with confidence that they destroyed the man he was and re-constructed his mind and body into something unrecognizable even to himself.

"These realizations will cause incredible turmoil within him, and, at some point, he will need to express his anger at what was done to him. His anger may show as grief or rage…and both are valid responses and you will need to be there to validate his feelings. Or he may be unable to access those feelings for a long time, so you have to be ready for anything, not only when James starts to emerge but even before, when the Soldier denies that Barnes even exists anymore.

"There will be times when he may need to talk or simply be silent, and you're going to need to learn how to encourage both without pushing him past his boundaries or beyond his limits.

"He may need you to hold his hand; or he may need you to give him time alone. Whatever the case may be, when you hold that space for someone," she said, looking to Bruce as this would answer his question, "you offer yourselves to be an extra container… a vessel, for the overwhelming feelings he may experience due to his circumstances. When his feelings begin to come out, they may overwhelm him… much like a pitcher filled to the brim with liquid, when it gets jostled or shaken it spills over, unable to contain its own contents any longer. There's only so much the human mind can handle at one time… so you're going to be that extra vessel for him to spill his emotions into.

"You're going to have to offer yourselves in this manner and the more centered and grounded you are, the better. Your steadiness and strength will allow James to lean into you for support, and your presence will provide an environment in which he, hopefully, will feel free to move around and explore who he is now and compare that person to who he used to be. He will realize at some point, as you must realize going in that James Barnes from 1943 no longer exists in the same condition that he was in then. He is going to be James Barnes with a whole lot of new experiences and memories; many of those memories he won't want, but is now stuck with… or he may retain no memories at all. Just as you are not the exact same Steve Rogers he knew in 1943, because of all of your experiences since the last time you saw him…" she told Steve. He understood and nodded.

"You can also help him by being responsive and proactive to whatever he needs at the moment. If you can predict what's about to happen and react to it before it becomes overpowering, go ahead and do so. The more you can show him that he's safe in the environment, the better results we should have with him. Other than that, allow him to dictate the flow of action from talking to not talking, from anger to grief, and back again… he may even boomerang back from grief and go straight into rage. It can be frightening, that's for certain. I'll tell you that straight out of the gate, it will be frightening at times, not only for you, but for James as well… and at times it'll be heartbreaking for all of you."

"Bucky," Steve spoke softly. The single word made the doctor pause as her green eyes moved to consider him.

"I'm sorry?" she responded and Steve lifted his head to look at her.

"Bucky. His name is Bucky."

Dr. Golden took a moment to reach for the folder on the table behind her. She flipped it open and lifted a couple of pages before stating, "The file reads James Buchanan Barnes… Oh, I see it. Buchanan… Bucky is his nickname."

Steve nodded and took a shaky breath as he looked at the floor.

"Bucky is fine," she told him. "Each of you should call him by whichever name you are comfortable with according to your relationship with him. I, for one, will call him James until he gives me permission to call him Bucky, if he ever does. But, by all means, Captain, if your relationship with him dictates that you call him Bucky, in order to connect with him or to trigger memories to bring him further along on his journey, please do so."

Emily then turned her attention to the other members of the team present, as not every team member had a personal stake in this endeavor only those who could possibly assist in the therapy were invited to attend. The fewer people that James Barnes needed to focus on was also essential for his ability to form stronger, earlier bonds with a smaller group of people and not feel overwhelmed or out-numbered, as it were. "The rest of you… you will learn as you go and James will tell you or give you clues to where you stand with him at any given time, so you need to listen and pay attention."

Natasha, Tony and Bruce all acknowledged her instruction with nods.

"By being fully aware of what's going on in the room and being open to what he will eventually share with you, you can help him confront his emotions when it feels right for him to do so, and to then back off from them when he needs a break. Holding this space for him; giving him your selves as an extra vessel for him to use to dump feelings that overwhelm him, requires humility, conscientiousness, and the ability to step out of the way when he needs you to.

"When I say it requires humility, I'm not suggesting that you allow him to bully you or walk all over you. Not at all and please do not allow that. What I'm saying is that you can't let your own ego get involved with this. You have to always keep in mind, and honestly understand, that this is not about you. Whatever happens… whatever he says to you… it's about him, not you. Even if he lashes out at you and tries to drive you away, you must always say to yourself 'this isn't about me, this is about him'. Otherwise, your own personal feelings of guilt or responsibility for what happened to him will take you over and put you down hard… and you need to stay strong for him, because he iwill/i test you. I guarantee you that."

"When we are there for him in that way, we provide a safe space in which he can simply be, to feel what he needs to feel without worrying about how he is being perceived," Dr. Golden paused to give the team a chance to ask questions or simply absorb what she's told them to this point. "What you are about to take on, the manner in which you've all chosen to give yourself to James… to Bucky, to be there for him in what is going to be probably the toughest fight of your lives, you are offering him a gift of the highest degree. He won't see it that way… until he gets closer to the end of his journey, but when he does get there and he realizes exactly what you've done for him… and he will… it'll make all the tears and heartbreak worth it."

After their first briefing ended she dismissed them and each of them stood up and thanked Emily for her instruction. She assured them that she would be having more sessions with them as the work moved forward. It was going to be a grueling task and would test each of them as individuals as well as teammates.

"I assure you," she told them as they stood around the table, "I am here to assist Sgt. Barnes directly and indirectly through all of you. I'm also here to guide you, and then debrief you after each of your interactions with him, individually and as a team, as you go through this with him. None of you are going to come out of this unscathed… do you understand that?" she asked them. She needed to be absolutely sure that each of them was as informed as they can be before heading into this. All four of them nodded and verbally responded that they understood. "Great, that's it for today then. Thank you."

As the four began to move away, Emily put a hand up in front of Steve. "Would you stay a few more moments, please?" she asked quietly.

Steve nodded and looked to the group heading out the door. Nat and Bruce both looked back when they realized he wasn't behind them. Steve gave them a wave to go ahead. Bruce waved back and Nat closed the door behind her.

"Have a seat, Steven," Emily invited him to get comfortable again. Steve simply took his seat again and looked up at her. He waited for her to return to her seat in front of him as she seemed to have something important on her mind.

"Doctor?" he prompted her.

"Steve," she began and then looked at him and gave him a soft smile. "It's become quite clear to me that you are very protective of Bucky."

"We protect each other… always have," he told her.

"That's good," she replied, "because that makes it easier and makes you the perfect choice…"

"Choice - for what?" he asked with interest.

"For you to act as his guardian," she told him.

"His guardian," Steve repeated, confused.

"You already have a strong bond established with Sgt. Barnes; from early childhood into adulthood and you even followed him into battle to save him…," she explained. "The Soldier tried to kill you and then stopped, because you somehow got through to him."

"I don't think it was much," Steve told her, shrugging off that moment on the Heli-carrier when his words made the Winter Soldier stop his assault. When the Soldier froze, with his metal fist raised for another strike, and just stared at him with huge eyes, it was as if he remembered Steve for a moment before the floor gave way and he plummeted to the river hundreds of feet below.

"It didn't have to be a lot. It was enough," she assured him. "You've chosen to take on this challenge to save your friend. You already have an ongoing commitment to him, to each other, from which you both have benefitted over the years. You've chosen to walk this road and to stand by his side as he faces this challenge. You have knowledge that James needs in order for him to be successful and come out of this on the other side safely. Your empathy is going to be his greatest asset. The fact that you've entered that role with loving intentions; not to control him or overpower him, but to protect and care for him, will assist him in gaining confidence as he rediscovers himself and his new role in the world."

Steve took a slow deep breath and nodded thoughtfully.

"You are going to be the most important tool in our arsenal," she told him with a gentle smile. "Are you up to the challenge?"

Steve raised his eyes and pinned her with a serious gaze.

"Absolutely."

TBC'd