Avengers: Search for the Winter Soldier
Vanquished
Chapter 8
(Steve reads the files detailing the vanquishing of Bucky Barnes)
Dr. Golden stepped into the office she and the dedicated team were using as a private meeting area. Natasha followed her and looked at Dr. Golden expectantly.
"Close the door, please," Dr. Golden requested.
Natasha did as she was bidden and turned to Dr. Golden. "What's wrong?" she asked.
"Why was it never mentioned to me that you once worked with the Winter Soldier?" Golden asked, clearly upset by the discovery.
Momentarily at a loss for words, Natasha shrugged. She shook her head as she walked to the couch and sat down. "I … don't know," she answered. "I guess I just assumed you already knew that. I mean, you had access to the Winter Soldier files -"
"There is not a single mention of his interactions with the Black Widow program," Dr. Golden told her. Natasha was genuinely surprised and couldn't understand why that would be excluded. She appeared legitimately confused to Dr. Golden as she thought about the information.
"The Winter Soldier," she began, "that man… was an integral part of the Black Widows' training program. He's the one who was brought in to teach us the use of a variety of weapons and trained us in hand to hand combat," she told Golden. "He is the reason I'm as good as I am in my particular skill set. We trained in the Red Room every day for months-"
"The Red Room?"
Natasha gave a nod. "The Red Room was…" she paused and fought to keep her emotions in check. "It was a place of pain and torment for the Black Widow trainees, as well as the place where we trained."
"You should have told me, Natasha," Dr. Golden told her. "I would never have asked you-"
"What?" Nat interrupted. "Not asked me to be a part of this?"
"Yes," Dr. Golden replied.
"I want to be a part of this, Doctor," she said. "I have plenty of things in my own past that I should answer for; things I did because it was expected of me. It's who I was a long time ago. I didn't know any other way… I didn't have a choice. I was a Soviet tool… property of the state. They used me and the others the same as they used… and are still using him. "
Dr. Golden listened closely to what Nat was telling her. The longer Dr. Golden interacted with these people, the more she realized that they were far from the perfect and untouched heroes the general public believed them to be. Every one of them was dealing with their own dark pasts and unhealed wounds.
"I got away from that life thanks to Clint… and Nick. Nick Fury had sent Clint to kill me. I was a big headache for S.H.I.E.L.D. and Fury wanted me erased. Clint made a different call. He brought me in and Nick helped me to find a new purpose. I was granted a pardon and he offered me a position within S.H.I.E.L.D. to put my skills to use for good.
"When he proposed a new idea, called the Avengers Initiative, he offered me a spot on this team… he invited me to stand among heroes trying to save the world… and those in it."
Dr. Golden realized that Nick's willingness to try to help the team bring Barnes back to himself must have had a lot to do with seeing Ms. Romanoff's growth and success under his guidance.
Natasha smiled and stood up, walked to the credenza and poured herself a drink. Dr. Golden simply shifted in her seat to keep her attention focused on Ms. Romanoff. As Natasha put the lid back on the ice bucket she moved closer to Dr. Golden but chose to lean against the windowsill instead of sitting again. Dr. Golden read that change in position as an attempt to feel in control as she spoke of things that had been out of her control.
"I was given a second chance. I was shown mercy by the very people who had every reason to throw me in a very dark dungeon. I work every day to pay off that debt."
"You were pardoned," Dr. Golden reminded her. "The pardon erases your debt to society."
"It erases the debt figuratively," Nat told her. "They pardoned me… but I still hold myself accountable. I know Barnes will too, whenever he can get back to his truer self."
"He most likely will never get back to his old self," Dr. Golden told her.
Nat offered a shaky smile. "I didn't say his old self. I said to a truer self. If we can find James Barnes under that mess in the other room…" Natasha stopped.
"What were you going to say?" Dr. Golden prodded gently.
Natasha looked at her and shook her head. "I can't help but think he's better off the way he is right now."
Dr. Golden frowned. "You can't mean that," she said.
"I do," Nat replied. "Right now he has no conscious self-blame for the atrocities he's committed under Hydra's control. It might be more merciful to just leave him as he is."
Dr. Golden didn't know what to say to that; these were Natasha's true feelings on the matter. She had personal experience – a shared life experience, with the Winter Soldier- with Sgt. Barnes. Having such a close connection to him might be the balm he would need as they moved forward. She certainly handled him well with no back up in the room and managed to get him to comply without incident. Between her and Captain Rogers being on this intervention team, Dr. Golden felt they were well-equipped to move forward.
As she contemplated what Natasha had just told her, she was pulled from her thoughts by a knock on the door. She glanced at Nat. Natasha grinned and took a large swallow from the glass.
"Come in," Dr. Golden said.
The door opened and Steve stepped inside. He was freshly showered and the scent of his shower soap greeted the ladies. He was dressed in fresh jeans and a tight fitting tee shirt.
"Feeling better, Captain?" Dr. Golden asked with a smile.
"Feeling more human," he said with a nod.
"That's good," she said and he smiled.
Natasha moved from her spot at the window and took a seat on the couch. Steve noticed the glass in her hand.
"It's a little early to be drinking, isn't it?" he pointed out.
"Not at all," Natasha answered. "I intended to start last night."
Steve looked to Dr. Golden, who appeared to agree with him but remained silent on the matter.
"What can I do for you, Captain?" she asked, taking the focus off Natasha.
"I'd like to get back to the files," he told her.
"Now?" she asked.
Steve nodded and placed his hands on his hips. It was an attempt to remain casual, but Dr. Golden took his stance to mean he'd not take no for an answer.
"Very well," she agreed and stood up. "I'll fetch the file. I'll be a few minutes; I'd like to get a cup of tea before we settle in."
"Of course," Steve agreed, whole-heartedly. "Please, take your time."
Dr. Golden offered a smile as she took her leave of them, closing the door behind her.
"You okay, Nat?" he asked his teammate.
"Always," she said with a crooked grin.
"Don't bullshit me," he said as he took his seat in the chair.
"Language…!" she playfully scolded him.
Steve grinned with a slight blush. He shook his head and Nat smiled. "I'm never going to live that down, am I?" he asked.
"No way," she answered and they both smiled openly at the memory.
"Seriously though," he said. "Are you okay? Having him here must be bringing back some bad memories for you."
"I'm okay. I can handle it," she assured him.
"You can talk to me, you know," he told her.
"I know," she said with a nod.
"I think I'm still putting the pieces of this giant puzzle together in my head," he told her. "What you told me… about the engineer you were trying to protect… "
"Yeah," she said, remembering that conversation.
"When you told me that, at the time I didn't know the Winter Soldier was Bucky," he said.
"I know," she told him.
"… Bucky shot you," he said.
"No, he didn't," Natasha corrected. "The Winter Soldier shot me."
"Well -"
"Steve, you have to recognize the difference. You have to. I do."
"Do you?" he asked. "Can you?"
Natasha nodded. "Yes, I can. The Winter Soldier is not your friend, Bucky Barnes. Your old friend Bucky was destroyed and forcibly re-created as the Winter Soldier. The man who tried to kill me was not James Buchanan Barnes; it was the Winter Soldier. I can't fully blame the Soldier for what he did. He had no choice… no more than I had."
Steve listened to her and then sighed. "You're a better person than I am, Ms. Romanoff."
"No, I'm not. I just understand him better than you might, right now."
Steve thought about what Natasha was saying and tried to put more of the puzzle together. "You were a Russian operative."
"Yes."
"He is a Russian operative."
"Yes," Nat confirmed. She could see the wheels turning in Rogers' head and knew where he was going.
"Did you know him? Other than as the guy who once shot you… did you know him before?"
"Yes," she told him.
Steve was actually surprised to hear her answer. He was hoping she'd say no. "Did you and he ever work together?"
"… yes."
Steve swiped a hand down his face. "Natasha, why didn't you tell us?"
"I didn't want that information to interfere with the mission. I wanted to help you with this. Now I have a chance to help him too."
"Is there anything else you want to tell me?" he asked.
Natasha thought about it for a moment and realized he had the right to know. He needed to know what he'd be dealing with in the weeks to come. "The Winter Soldier… trained me."
"What?" Steve responded in disbelief.
"Everything I am as a Black Widow was taught to me by the Winter Soldier. He is the operative that gave me my training," she told him. "I was a child at the time, barely a teenager, when they sent the Winter Soldier to the Red Room where the Widows were being trained. He was tough and no-nonsense. He was singular minded and taught us to be as well. He was relentless and showed no mercy. We learned or we died. He trained us the exact same way he was trained. Without mercy or compassion… you fight, you win, or you die."
"Natasha…" Steve shook his head.
"It's all right, Steve," she told him. "I survived it… and I was good. He was their best Winter Soldier and I was their best Black Widow. He trained me very well. At first there was a whole group of us… six teenage girls, chosen by the KGB for the Widow program. Some didn't make it to graduation. By the time I graduated the program, I had been working and training solely with the Winter Soldier for months. I was his best student and he put all of his energy and attention on me. Thanks to him, I survived being a shadow agent for the Soviets during the end Cold War… because of him. I guess you could say I owe him a debt."
"Some people would want revenge," Steve mentioned.
"For years I wanted revenge on the KGB… but not the Soldier. He was in a worse position than I had ever been. They weren't gentle with me either, but I always knew who I was. As young as I was then, I could tell that the Soldier had been treated much worse. To look into his eyes was like looking into an empty well. I couldn't even imagine what he'd been through. The first time they told me that I was going on a mission with the Soldier, I was nervous and exhilarated. I felt… like I was about to be rewarded for my extensive training. The Soldier had made certain that I'd survive the Widow program and the tests that I'd have to endure. He worked hard to help me become one of the best spies… one of the best shadow agents the KGB had ever seen. He saved me. He knew what would happen to any Widow trainee who couldn't handle the training and conditioning. He wouldn't let me fail."
Steve listened to her words closely. He sat silent for a long moment, lost in his own thoughts when Natasha's voice finally pulled him back.
"The Winter Soldier is the reason I survived," she told him.
"… and he doesn't remember you. After all that you've been through together… he doesn't know you," he said thoughtfully.
"It's because of the repeated mind wipes and psychological conditioning," she explained. "The torture they put him through continually. I'm hoping, in time, he'll start to remember me… just as you hope he'll start to remember you."
Steve nodded in understanding. He thought about what Nat had just told him and realized that Bucky Barnes was still looking out for those smaller and weaker than the local bullies… even as the Winter Soldier. A small smile crept onto his face with the thought.
The door opened and Dr. Golden entered with the folder in one hand and a tea in the other. Steve stood up to take the folder from her before she spilled her tea.
"Thank you, Captain," she said.
He waited for her to take her spot on the couch and then he returned to the chair. He sorted out the papers and photos he'd already perused and set them aside. As he leaned forward to put them on the coffee table, the folder almost slipped off his lap. He grabbed for and saved it from spilling onto the floor, but as his hand slapped down on the folder he noticed a large red envelope peeking from the back of the stack of files inside the folder.
"What's this?" he asked as he pulled it from the folder.
"That… you don't want to see yet," Dr. Golden told him and reached across to take it from his hand. "Later," she said and he handed it to her.
Steve just looked at her as she settled back onto the couch, stuffing the red envelope between her thigh and the arm of the couch. He thought about challenging her for it, but as it had been at the back of the files he figured she was probably right. There had to be a good reason for that large red envelope and there had to be a good reason it was stored at the back of the folder. He simply nodded and left it alone.
"You want a drink?" Natasha asked him before he could start reading.
Steve looked at her as she stood up and he smiled at her. "I'd love an ice water," he told her. "I think you could use one too," he said, hinting to her that 8 AM was just too early to be drinking the hard stuff.
"Yes, my Capitan," she said, smiling back as she passed by to get it for him. She poured herself a tall glass of ice water as well and made sure to show it to him as she set his down on the table. She was rewarded with a grin and an approving nod from Captain Rogers before she retook her seat.
The remaining loose papers from the first file in the folder were more of the same. Mission reports that indicated the date, the country, the intended target, and whether the mission resulted in a successful assassination of one or more targets. He hadn't seen a mission failure up to this point. That alone indicated that the Winter Soldier was a highly effective assassin. He didn't need to read anymore of those so he simply skimmed them and put them face down atop the previous stack he'd made.
Next up was a large brown envelope stuffed so full of papers that it was nearly bursting at the seams. He didn't want to rip or damage any of the evidence that could be used in Bucky's defense, if they ever got a chance to get that far, so he took great care in their removal.
Once he got the papers safely out of the envelope he placed the rest of the folder on the table and reached for the tall glass. He drank down half of its chilled contents before settling in to read.
"Captain Rogers," Dr. Golden interjected before he began reading. Steve looked to her. "What you're about to read are incident reports spanning many years, pertaining to Sgt. Barnes and his… rebellion… against his captors. They are a record kept by the KGB and by Hydra, detailing what it took for them to break him."
Steve took a deep breath. It had occurred to him that Bucky wouldn't just let this happen to him, but he hadn't given it any further thought than that. The question of what it must have taken to finally break his will was too difficult for Steve to even want to consider. He felt he needed to know these things so he would be better equipped to help Bucky throw off the Winter Soldier mantel. However, a large part of him didn't want to know exactly what those monsters had done to his friend.
Steve mulled over this new information in his head. This was serious stuff and it needed serious consideration at every turn. He realized that the only person who would be spared by him not reading the full file was Steven Rogers and he couldn't go forward being that selfish. This wasn't about him, as Dr. Golden had told him. This was about Bucky and he mattered more to Steve than any other living person. He had to see this through for his sake.
"Thank you for the heads up, Doctor, but I need to do this," he told her.
Dr. Golden understood his commitment and nodded.
Steve settled into the back of the chair and began to read.
Dept. X
Operation: Vanquish
Incident Report
Project: Codename: Winter Soldier
15 August 1954
Objective: Subjugation of Subject J.B. Barnes
Excerpt from 12 August 1954 Report
Subject: Winter Soldier is recovering remarkably well since the robotic transplant, although he has not yet mastered its use. We are uncertain if the subject is having actual difficulty with it or he is simply being stubborn.
Update 15 August 1954
Subject J.B. Barnes is proving to be difficult to subjugate. I believe it is an outright refusal to our demands. Although his ability to continually stand up against overwhelming odds brings me personal delight that his strength and determination will eventually be used to our advantage; subject will have to be dealt with extensively to gain his compliance.
Update 12 October 1954
Subject J.B. Barnes has proved to be quite a challenge. These past few months, however, have seen a marked improvement in bringing the subject closer to our intended goal of turning him into a Winter Soldier.
Weekly sessions in Electro-Convulsive Therapy and other psychological techniques as well as physical discomforts, aversion therapy exercises and prolonged punishment through beatings, have strengthened our ability to wear him down. His psyche appears wounded to the point he no longer considers rebelling against his handlers, aides, or trainers.
Update 2 November 1954
Subject Codename: Winter Soldier has been showing improvement in all areas. Our ability to control him now has resulted in great improvement in his training. Winter Soldier is scheduled for field testing on American troops beginning 5 November 1954
Edited – See Mission Reports for full breakdown of Nov 5 field test mission.
Steve's imagination ran wild, conjuring up dozens of mental images as he read the first few reports. He leaned forward and slowly laid the papers face down on the table. His jaw tightened and his eyes focused inward to watch the images playing out in his mind.
"Captain?" Dr. Golden spoke to pull his focus back to the present.
"He fought them," Steve said.
"Yes, he did."
"He fought for a long time."
"He did," Dr. Golden nodded.
"Three months," Steve acknowledged.
"Three months?" Dr. Golden asked for clarification.
"He fought them from August until November 1954… three months," Steve explained.
"I'm sorry Captain, but Sgt. Barnes fought them a lot longer than that. You should keep reading," Dr. Golden told him and Steve looked at her.
"It says by November 1954 he was ready for a field test… which I already read about and he was quite successful as their assassin."
"I suggest you keep reading," she told him.
Natasha sat quietly watching as Steve picked up the next group of papers and began to read.
Dept. X
Operation: Vanquish
Incident Report
Project: Codename: Winter Soldier
17 November 1954
Objective: Subjugation of Subject J.B. Barnes
The first field test back on 5 November 1954 resulted in a successful mission. Since that time our ability to keep Winter Soldier under our control has been met with resistance.
Subject is quite resilient and stubborn. He consistently refuses to comply with our demands, requiring the use of our strongest corrective measures. He does put up a good fight considering the odds are five to one. These episodes repeatedly end with his total collapse due to injury and exhaustion. Even so, he refuses to use the new arm to his own advantage.
I fear that all that has been put into his physical enhancements may be wasted. If subject continually refuses to comply, it will be necessary to cull him from the project. This would put us back years in our endeavors if in the end he proves to be impossible to subdue for re-conditioning.
Dept. X
Operation: Vanquish
Incident Report
Project: Codename: Winter Soldier
19 November 1954
Objective: Subjugation of Subject J.B. Barnes
The subjugation attempts by the handler teams are unsuccessful. Subject is as stubborn as he is strong. He still refuses to use the robotic arm or to comply with even the simplest requests. The subject required medical attention after prolonged attempts to correct his behavior.
Dept. X
Operation: Vanquish
Incident Report
Project: Codename: Winter Soldier
22 November 1954
Objective: Subjugation of Subject J.B. Barnes
The use of batons, electrified cattle prods and prolonged physical abuse in the hands of team members continually fail to gain the subject's surrender. Subject resisted our attempts to correct his defiant behavior until injury and exhaustion ceased his rebellion. He still refuses to use the robotic arm even in his own defense. Team Leader reported extensive injuries to subject including contusions, lacerations and facial swelling of mouth and eyes. Handlers left subject on the floor and denied him medical attention. We'll see if he is more compliant tomorrow.
Dept. X
Operation: Vanquish
Re-training Report
Project: Codename: Winter Soldier
23 November 1954
Objective: Subjugation of Subject J.B. Barnes
When teams arrived at his cell this morning subject was found still lying on the cement floor. Cleaning teams were called in to wash blood and vomit from the floor and bedding and to hose down subject. Wranglers were then brought in to pick him up off the floor as he appeared unable or unwilling to comply when ordered to stand. Subject was taken to the Black Room for an extensive session of Electro-Convulsive Therapy in conjunction with drug administration.
Procedure lasted 18 active hours. Subject was defiant for the first seventeen minutes of ECT application. Once his screams ceased and he stopped fighting against the restraints, the administration of various drugs began.
List of drugs administered via injection or forced ingestion:
Barbituates
Scopolamine (amnesiac) – this odorless, tasteless white powder has been described as "the world's scariest drug." Ingestion of this powder can lead to hallucinations, frightening images, and lack of free will.
Morphine (pain medication, dampens cognitive ability at high dosage)
Tetrahydrocannibabinol Acetate (relaxant/truth serum)
BZ (quinuclidinyl benzilate) – a long lasting drug
Uses: subject experiences a litany of psychotic episodes of varying degrees and experiences, completely isolates subject from his environment
Anectine (terror drug)
Uses: used as muscle relaxant in small doses
*Larger doses produce prolonged seizure of respiratory system
*Subject experiences sensation of suffocating to death, produces
absolute terror and sense of helplessness until effects wear off
Thorazine – causes drowsiness, disorientation, shakiness, dry mouth, blurred vision, inability to focus or concentrate; in larger doses it causes zombie-like behavior and makes subject extremely pliable
Subject removed from treatment room after 18 hours of continuous subjugation therapy. Subject was not ambulatory after treatment. He was carried back to his cell and left lying on his cot. Wranglers reported they placed him on his side with pillows positioned at his back to keep him from rolling and aspirating any matter that may be vomited during the night.
Passive recovery period is scheduled for 48 hours before returning subject for another cycle of treatment.
Update: Subject experienced multiple seizures during the night for prolonged periods. Medical team was brought in. Handlers were informed of necessary treatment to ensure survival of subject. Subject is now in infirmary until doctors sign off that it is safe to continue. Further training and treatments postponed.
Steve let out a strangled sound and Natasha looked over at him. He was near tears so she got up and went to him. She sat on the arm of his chair and put her arm around his shoulders.
"My God," he said, nearly choking on the words.
"This is why I warned you about pulling on that thread," Natasha mentioned softly, resting her chin carefully upon his head as she embraced him.
"I know," he replied. "As painful as it is to read these, I owe it to him."
Natasha sat up straighter and rubbed her hand across his shoulders in support. He leaned into her feeling emotionally drained.
"I should have protected him," Steve said absently.
"You tried," Dr. Golden reminded him.
"No, Doctor, I didn't," he replied, his tone carried a hint of anger. He sat up again, pulling away from Nat's embrace although she kept her hand on his shoulder. "Remember when he joked about being a sidekick? I said I had never thought of him as a second seat… I have always seen him as an equal."
"Yes, I remember," Dr. Golden answered.
"Well, I was wrong," Steve said with conviction. "He wasn't my equal… not in speed or strength. I should have protected him by never letting him go on that mission with me!"
"Captain," Dr. Golden began, intending to argue that point.
"No, Doctor!" Steve said, cutting her off. He stood up and dropped the file on the table. "I was wrong! Bucky ended up falling off that train because he was trying to protect me. A Hydra soldier came at us charging up his weapon. I pushed Bucky out of the way and tried to use my shield to absorb the energy blast. But it was a strong blast and it knocked the shield out of my hand and I fell to the floor. It deflected the energy and the blast tore open the side of the train. Bucky got to his feet and picked up my shield thinking it would protect him. He used it as cover as he fired at the guard, but he wasn't strong enough to stand against the power of their pulse weapons. The blast pushed him out of the train and I thought he was gone."
Tears streamed down Steve's face as he recounted the details of that fateful mission.
"I got back to my feet and used my shield to kill the guard before racing to the large hole where Bucky had gotten pulled out of the train. I was so relieved…" Steve told them, having to pause to catch his breath as he tried to hold back strong emotions. "I was relieved to see Bucky had grabbed onto a piece of the broken hull… I tore off my helmet and began to climb out to him. I yelled "Hold on, Buck!" The way he looked up at me… he was so scared." Steve's tears flowed as he was flooded with emotions. He could barely speak between sobs as he remembered that fateful moment in vivid detail. "He trusted me… and I thought I could reach him. I told him to reach out and take my hand. I was inches away. He tried to reach out a couple of times but the train was picking up speed, it was going so fast and it was so cold…. He had to keep grabbing onto the rail. "Reach out!" I said to him… and he did. Our fingers almost touched when the rail broke away… I tried to lunge for his hand and it almost took me too. Bucky fell… and I saved myself." Steve's tears of sorrow turned into angry, guilt-ridden sobs. "I saved myself… when I should have saved him!"
Nat and Dr. Golden listened closely as he relived that day seventy years ago. As her heart broke for him, Natasha couldn't stop her own tears. In the years since the members of the Avengers had first met him, Steve Rogers had kept these heart-wrenching details to himself; telling no one. She now realized he couldn't have brought himself to share it without a good reason; because losing Bucky Barnes, in that manner, had shattered Steve Rogers. Nat wiped away her own tears and was a bit surprised that she could show so much emotion in front of others.
"Steve," she said, her voice trembling with emotion.
"Everything he's been through since that day is my fault," Steve told them.
"Oh my God, no it isn't," Nat told him and stood up. Her legs felt shaky and her whole body trembled with emotion. She walked to him and put her hand on his arm to turn him around to face her. "You did the best you could. Of course, you saved yourself. If you had fallen with him, what good would that have done for him… or anyone?"
"He's been beaten, tortured, drugged, humiliated and dehumanized for seventy years," Steve told her. "Seventy years, Nat. I never went back for him. I should have gone back for him."
"You would have never been able to find him," Nat told him, hoping he'd see the truth of that.
"They were able to find him," Steve pointed out to her.
The two Avengers looked at each other for a few moments, both flooded with emotions. Even Natasha had never allowed herself to think about the details of the lives she and the Soldier had lived among Hydra and the KGB. She had yet to read the files, and just seeing Steven G. Rogers torn down to his primal emotions absolutely broke her heart. They stared into each others' eyes not knowing what more to say in the moment. Steve suddenly turned away from her and strode to the door.
"Captain?" Dr. Golden called as she stood up. She didn't want him to leave with such strong emotions out of control. He didn't pause though and exited the room, leaving the door standing open behind him.
"It's all right, Doctor," Nat told her. "I think we both know where he's going."
TBC'd