Avengers: Search for the Winter Soldier
Ch. 16
The Game Soldiers Play
Summary: As Dr. Golden briefs Steve on her upcoming plans, Natasha uses her time with the Winter Soldier to teach him a game and learns something in the process.
"Hello, gentlemen," Dr. Golden greeted as Steve entered the room with the Soldier.
"Doctor," Steve replied as he stopped inside the door; surprised to see Natasha there. "Nat," he greeted as she stood up from her place on the couch.
"Steve," she said with a smile.
The Soldier stepped into the room and stood beside Rogers; his gaze sweeping the room and stopping on Natasha.
Dr. Golden watched the Soldier until his gaze settled on Ms. Romanoff and the two just looked at each other. Natasha smiled at him, but he didn't smile back. He simply blinked; his expression remained serious but neutral.
"Natasha? Could you take Sergeant Barnes to the hall for a few minutes? I'd like to speak to Captain Rogers before we begin," Dr. Golden asked.
"Sure," Nat replied. "I'd love to," she said and moved around the coffee table toward the Soldier. His eyes never left her as she came to stand in front of him. "Soldat, come with me," she told him; using the only name he knew for the moment and then moved around him and into the hall. He turned his head to keep her in sight and then looked to Steve as if waiting for a sign of the correct course of action to take; to remain in the room or follow Little Mouse.
Steve nodded to let him know it was okay for him to follow Natasha then watched as the Soldier stepped out of the room.
Dr. Golden then moved to close the door quietly so she could speak to Steve alone. "That was a smart move," she mentioned to Steve. "Calling him the only name he knows shows that we see him as a person and not an object. I should have thought of that earlier. Please, make yourself comfortable, Captain," she invited, gesturing toward the chair. "I just want to take a few moments to explain to you what I hope to determine with these evaluations, before we actually begin so you'll understand the process."
"I appreciate that, thank you," Steve told her as he sat down.
Dr. Golden sat down again on the couch across from him and picked up her notebook. "I'm going to begin by asking him a few questions to assess his level of cognition; specifically what we refer to as "Person, Place and Time" or the "who, where and when" questions. Simply put, I'll ask him if he knows his name and we would hope to hear him say James Barnes, but I doubt we'll get that."
Steve nodded. He was also having a difficult time getting the Soldier to understand that he has a birth name.
"Then, of course, I'll ask him if he knows where he is and if he knows what day it is. Those three questions are basic for assessing any level of consciousness or, in this case, cognition, and whether any discrepancies are due to injury or mental disability. They are just basic questions."
"We already know he doesn't know who he is," Steve told her. "I asked him again when we were outside a few minutes ago. He always answers Zimni Soldat as if that's his name. And he's been in and out of cryo-freeze so often… I think any one of us would have a hard time keeping track of what day it was so I'm not entirely certain how that is going to help us. He didn't know the year when I asked him."
"Did you tell him the year?" she asked.
"I did. I'm sorry, I didn't realize it would be necessary for your assessment," Steve replied.
"That's quite all right, Captain. I can still ask him later and see if he's retained that information. It's all good. And you're right," Dr. Golden agreed, "Sergeant Barnes is truly an unprecedented case. I personally have never treated a patient with this level of… well, to be honest, I'm not even sure how to label his mental state at this point.
"Should I focus on the amnesia? Is his amnesia due to physical trauma or the chemically-induced alteration of his brain function? He obviously suffers from post-traumatic stress and that will most likely be the hardest part of his entire experience to deal with."
"He told me that he's having dreams," Steve mentioned to her.
"He did?" Dr. Golden asked slightly surprised. "Why did he tell you that?"
"I don't know," Steve told her. "I was explaining to him that he could ask me anything, if there was anything he wanted to know… and then he said "I'm having dreams"… just like that; as if he was reporting an issue with his conditioning. No real emotion to it, just stating it as a fact. It was really odd."
"Did you happen to ask him what the dreams are about?" Dr. Golden asked with great interest.
Steve blinked and realized he'd missed a huge opportunity. "No," he told her, deflating a little. "I didn't even think to ask that."
"That's okay," she told him. "We can ask him at a later date."
"I can't believe I didn't ask him what he was dreaming about," Steve said aloud, admonishing himself.
"Captain, I'm sure you had other things on your mind that took priority at the time." She tried to reassure him that not asking for that detail doesn't mean they lost the opportunity to ask in the near future.
Steve looked at her. "I had him… right there. We were outside, alone… in private. He could have easily told me… but I was more surprised by the way he told me, the inflection in his voice… or lack of. He was just so matter-of-fact, so detached…."
"For him, it's probably the most personal thing he's said to another person in a long time," Golden told him. "He probably did so not realizing it was anything personal… he was most likely conditioned to report any unusual occurrences to his doctors or handlers. Did it feel like he was confiding in you?"
Steve thought about that for a few seconds and then shook his head. "No, not really… it didn't feel like he was confiding in the same sense that I think you are inferring. When he told me he was having dreams, I tried to reassure him that it was a natural thing because he'd been through so much… he didn't seem to understand what I meant."
"He didn't recognize your compassion as empathy," she guessed.
"No, he didn't. He then told me that there are no dreams in cryo," Steve told her. "As if –"
"He wants to go back into cryo-freeze to make the dreams stop," she finished for him.
"Yeah," Steve nodded, "exactly."
"That, too, is quite natural… an expected response to having disturbing dreams."
"He seemed disappointed when I told him we don't have a cryo-chamber here," Steve told her.
Dr. Golden thought about that and then wrote a note in her notebook to be sure to ask the Soldier if he wanted to go back into cryo and why; specifically to get the Soldier to think about his wants and desires and to realize that he has the right to have them and to have them satisfied. That was going to be a huge undertaking.
Natasha had been standing in the hallway with the Soldier for about five minutes when it became apparent that Dr. Golden and Steve would be in their meeting a bit longer. They could hear their voices coming through the door, but she couldn't make out what was being said. She watched the Soldier standing beside her. He kept his gaze focused in the distance, not looking directly at her or at anything in particular. She wondered briefly if he could make out what was being said behind the closed door and chose to move them further away, just in case. After all, he was a super soldier and one thing she knew about them is that everything about them becomes enhanced; she had to assume it was the same with their senses. Neither of them had spoken since exiting the office and she wondered where his mind was.
"Let's take a little walk," she said and the Soldier's gaze re-focused and shifted to her. "Just down the hall and around the corner; we can look out the window instead of staring at blank walls," she offered. He didn't say anything and Natasha figured he would just do whatever she told him to do anyway, so she began to walk away. She'd taken a few steps and glanced over her shoulder to see if he was following her. He was.
Reaching their destination, she stopped in front of the large window that looked out over an Olympic-sized swimming pool and tennis courts a few stories below them. The Soldier stepped up beside her and just stood there, looking out at the grounds.
"This is much better, isn't it?" she asked. The Soldier nodded soberly, continuing to scan the grounds outside. It's always better to have a clear line of sight of the area, he thought.
She glanced at him discreetly and then let her gaze linger on his profile for a few moments. Natasha smiled softly as the memories of this man played in her head. Their time together had been full of pain and fear and violence, but the Soldier had been able to give her a sense of friendship and trust that she didn't have for anyone else at that time in her life. It was a sad thought though, to believe those times had been all but erased from his memory.
"Hey," she said to get his attention and he turned his head to look at her. "You ever play Thumb War?" she asked him and his eyebrows furrowed in question. "Like this," she told him, holding her right hand out in front of her as if expecting him to shake it. "Put your right hand out," she told him. The Soldier turned his body to face her and raised his hand in front of them just as she was doing. Natasha hesitated a moment when she realized she was going to have to grasp his hand and she didn't know what he would do, but she slowly moved her hand toward his and curled her fingers into his until his fingers also curled to match her hold.
His thumb was curled into the top of their clasped hands and Natasha reached for it with her left hand. "Your thumb has to stand up, like this," she told him and wiggled her own thumb to show him. As she pulled at his thumb he lifted it up and held it straight. Natasha stared down at their clasped hands with their thumbs standing straight up and couldn't help but smile when it suddenly occurred to her that she was about to play Thumb War with the Winter Soldier. She looked back down the hall to be sure they weren't being watched and the Soldier looked down the hall too, only because she had and then he looked back at her. "Okay," she said, "now… you try to catch my thumb with your thumb and pin it down. Whoever pins the other's thumb first, wins."
The Soldier listened to the instructions and looked down at their hands. 'Pin her thumb with my thumb… understood.'
"One, two, three, four," Natasha recited as her thumb moved from one side of his thumb to the other. He was supposed to reciprocate the action and count along with her; that was the proper way to begin a thumb war, but she didn't know how to convey that to him so she did it by herself as he watched. "I declare a thumb war," she said, finishing the sing-song rhyme and then proceeded to try to wrap her thumb around his to pin it down.
"Gotcha!" she said, playfully.
He pulled his thumb out from under hers before she actually pinned it down and then he seemed to understand how this was meant to work. As his thumb began to dance with hers, Natasha smiled. When his thumb got hold of hers and pushed it down she let out a laugh and fought back but it was no use.
Dr. Banner checked his watch for the third time in the last twenty minutes and continued prepping the bag for the Soldier's first drug therapy session. It was almost ready so he called to Captain Rogers to give them enough time to finish whatever they were doing.
"Steve?" he said, after tapping his earwig comm-device.
"… this evening." Dr. Golden finished saying as Steve held up a finger.
"Hang on, Doctor," he said to her and then tapped his own device to open the two way communication. "Yes, Dr. Banner?"
"I'm just about ready for the Soldier's first drug treatment… if you could bring him back to his room as soon as you're able we'll get him started," Bruce requested.
"Right, he's with Natasha right now. I'll go get him and be right there," Steve told him. He turned his attention back to Emily. "I'm sorry, Doctor, but another doctor beckons," he said with a smile.
"Is Bruce ready for the first treatment?" she asked.
"That's what he tells me. His plan is to wean Bucky off the cocktail of drugs he's been subjected to for so long. We saw what happened the other day when he didn't get them on schedule. I really don't want to see him subjected to another episode like that again, so if you'll excuse me," he said, standing up.
"Of course," she said. "Thank you for coming in. I'm glad we had the chance to exchange information. It's been enlightening."
"Has it?" he asked sincerely.
"Oh yes," she told him. "I'm actually quite pleased that he told you about the dreams."
"I'll see if I can work a conversation in that direction and find out what he's dreaming about," Steve told her.
"I'd be interested in hearing those details."
"Of course, so would I," he said with a nod. "Excuse me."
As Steve stepped out into the hall he was a little surprised not to see Nat and the Soldier standing there. He looked to his left; nothing. He looked to his right just as the sound of Natasha's laughter echoed around the corner so he walked in that direction.
At the end of the hall, Natasha got pinned for the third time. She laughed in playful dismay and smiled up at the Soldier as he held her thumb pinned under his. He simply looked back at her as she tried to free herself. Even his thumb was strong all by itself; a few times she noted that it was nearly painful as he put all his pressure on her thumb.
"Okay, tough guy, one more time," she told him and for the fourth time began the mantra that would begin the thumb war. "One, two, three," she began, letting her thumb bounce right and left. She paused in her count as his thumb began to move opposite of hers as he'd realized he was supposed to match her actions. She looked up at him quickly and decided to keep going, "four… I declare a thumb war." His thumb stopped moving and was ready to attack but Natasha threw him a curve ball by continuing the count. "Five, six, seven, eight, try to keep your thumb straight." She had felt him pause in surprise as she continued counting and smiled to herself thinking she'd just given herself an advantage.
She was mistaken.
As she finished the rhyme, she barely had time to begin her own offensive when his thumb "attacked" hers and pinned her to his hand. Natasha laughed in surprise again and tried to wiggle her thumb out from beneath his. "You learn fast!" she exclaimed, laughing.
The Soldier watched her closely as she laughed and continued to smile as they interacted. He was simply doing as she had told him, but she appeared to be highly amused by their shared actions. The sound of her laugh was like music to his ears as he stared at her face; taking in her full expression; her full lips parted to show a row of straight white teeth but not in an aggressive manner, the way her eyes narrowed to almost closed as she laughed, the rise of color in her cheeks and the way her hair fell across her shoulders as she moved.
Natasha pulled her thumb out from under his and glanced up at him. His intense stare brought her up short and she paused as she became aware that he was studying her closely. Her smile faltered slightly as Natasha realized she was blushing under his scrutiny. "Again," she said, attempting to distract him so she could collect herself.
Steve walked down to the corner to have a look around it and saw them standing by the window. He paused when he noticed they were facing each other and… holding hands?
"Nat?" he called out to her. He took a few steps forward when he realized what he was seeing was turning into a wrestling match. He moved forward quickly, believing Natasha was wrestling something out of the Soldier's hand and might be in danger.
She fought hard this time, trying desperately to keep her thumb from being caught by his yet again but it was in vain as his thumb slammed down on hers. Natasha let out an exclamation of disappointment and then laughed. At that moment she heard her name called out.
"Natasha!"
She and the Soldier both turned to see Steve coming toward them on the quick step, nearly running in their direction. Natasha let go of the Soldier's hand and they both turned toward Rogers. Steve nearly skidded to a stop when he saw them let go of each other and turn in his direction.
"Wha-?" he said, confused. "I thought…"
"What?" Natasha asked. "Are you all right?" she asked him, concerned.
"Are you?" he asked, looking from Nat to the Soldier and back at her again.
Natasha smiled at him. "Yeah, we're fine," she assured him. "I taught him how to play Thumb War."
Steve stared at her for a moment and then looked at the Soldier. The Soldier just stood there looking between the two Avengers.
"What?" Steve asked, still confused. "Thumb… War? What?" he asked again.
Natasha laughed at his bewildered expression. "We're fine, Steve," she told him again. "Is Dr. Golden ready for us?" she asked.
Steve continued to stare at the man in front of him and then he registered Nat's question. "Uhmm, yeah, the doctor is ready for us, but not Golden," he told her. "Dr. Banner is ready to begin his first treatment."
"Oh... okay," Nat said with a nod. "Come on, let's go," Natasha told the Soldier then patted Steve's arm as she walked past him. "I'll show you how to play later," she said.
Steve turned slowly as they walked passed him, watching the Soldier follow Nat back down the hall. 'He was playing Thumb War?' He tried to grasp that thought as he followed them slowly toward the elevator. Steve picked up the pace and jogged up behind them. Leaning down to her ear as if it was a secret he said quietly, "I know how to play Thumb War."
Natasha smiled.
Dr. Banner had just finished hanging the IV bag and prepping what he needed to set up the treatment when the three walked into the room.
"Oh… hi," he greeted them. "I just finished setting everything up. If you could take a seat on the bed," he requested of the Soldier.
The Soldier looked at Banner and then studied the IV stand with the large bag full of liquid. There was a length of tubing hanging from it, looped over the metal hook, waiting to be used. His eyes studied the silver tray nearby with needles and other equipment standing ready. He took a deep breath and let it out with a reluctant expression.
"Steve?" Dr. Banner asked for his assistance as the Soldier hadn't moved.
Steve touched the Soldier's arm to get his attention and he looked at Rogers. His eyes followed the handler's gesture toward the bed. He took another deep breath and then complied; moving to the bed he turned and lifted himself up onto the mattress. He watched Banner as he tore open an alcohol prep pad, dropped the wrapper on the tray and turned toward him.
Bruce hesitated a few seconds to see the Soldier watching him. It wasn't the fact that he was watching that brought the doctor to a halt, but the expression on his face. It was that same helplessness, that hopeless acceptance he'd seen in the photographs of Sgt. Barnes in the HYDRA file confiscated by S.H.I.E.L.D.
"I know this probably seems like more of the same to you," Bruce tried to explain to him. "Your body has been dependent on a myriad of drugs for so long that it collapses if you miss a dose. Hopefully giving them to you slowly in an infusion type treatment like this, over a longer duration, will keep your body and brain from suffering effects from the drugs while being administered at the high dosages your body has become accustomed to. Over time, we will slowly lower the amounts of drugs you receive until; eventually, you won't need them any longer."
The Soldier just sat there as Bruce tried to explain that they were trying to help him. He bit down lightly on the inside of his lower lip as he considered the doctor's explanation.
The uncertainty in the Soldier's expression tore at Steve. That look wasn't one of anger or aggression; it wasn't the look of a highly-trained soldier, or a merciless killer. That expression was Bucky. Maybe not completely or even a lot, but that was Bucky showing through the hardened exterior of a brainwashed assassin. His heart pounded heavily in his chest, but Steve remained silent.
"You'll be more comfortable if you put your legs up," Dr. Banner told him. The Soldier's unfocused gaze moved from the tray to look him in the eye as he spoke. "This treatment will take a few hours to complete," Bruce explained. "You might as well be comfortable."
The Soldier swallowed thickly and pushed himself higher onto the bed, twisting around until he was reclined against the raised head of the bed. He looked at the blonde man standing nearby and the blonde man gave him a small smile. An image flashed in his head and the Soldier held his breath; it was an image of a man… a small man with blonde hair.
This small man greatly resembled the larger man standing nearby. The small man grinned crookedly, the same way his handler just did. 'Do I know the small man?' the Soldier wondered. He felt as though he had known the small man a long time ago, but he couldn't guess as to who he was. His gaze shifted to the handler again and the image of the small man's face kept overlaying atop his. 'This is the same man', he thought silently. 'But how is that possible?' he wondered and 'Why do I know him?'
Natasha stood on the left side of the bed and reached out to rest her hand on his metal one. As her hand touched his, the Soldier turned to look down at it and then up at her face. She was smiling softly at him again. He had the sudden sensation that everything would be all right and he didn't understand why he felt that way; it confused him.
"Did you see that?" Dr. Banner asked Steve.
"What?" Steve asked, not understanding what he was supposed to have seen.
"When she touched his prosthetic, he turned to look at her," Bruce explained.
"Yeah," Steve said, he had seen that. "So?"
"His prosthetic has touch sensation…" Bruce explained.
"Is that unusual?" Steve asked.
"Well… yes, actually," Bruce told them. "The Winter Soldier files go back decades… to the 1940s. Researchers today are just figuring out how to produce bionic limbs for amputees that can sense touch and even respond to mental commands like a natural limb. The Russians have had that technology for seventy years?" he pointed out in astonishment.
"I never really thought about it before," Steve admitted. "He does seem to have full control over it… especially in a fight."
Banner nodded, lost in that thought for a few seconds and then shook himself out of it. He reached out to turn the Soldier's right arm so he could gain access to his vein but as he reached forward the Soldier turned his arm for him as if he'd been commanded to silently.
Bruce rubbed the alcohol pad on the area in a small circle and worked it into a larger circle and then tossed it in the trash can. He picked a needle off the tray and turned back to his patient. "You'll feel a bit of a prick," Banner told him. The Soldier didn't respond, he just kept looking at Natasha as Banner inserted the needle into his arm. Bruce glanced at the man as he pushed the needle deeper, but he seemed oblivious to any pain that he might have caused.
Once the needle was inserted and taped properly in position for stability, Bruce attached the IV catheter and began the drip. He adjusted the drip so it wasn't surging into the Soldier's system; that was what they were trying to avoid by giving him his doses in this manner. Once he had the drip at the speed he felt was appropriate, Dr. Banner took a seat in the chair nearby to watch his patient for any negative reactions so he could make adjustments if needed.
He and Steve watched as the Soldier kept his eyes on Nat. She smiled at her teammates and then looked back to the Soldier to see him looking at her. She cocked her head slightly in query and the Soldier raised his left hand. Natasha realized he was requesting the thumb war since he was stuck in bed and she raised her left hand to accommodate him. When she realized what she was about to do she stopped and dropped her hand again.
"I don't think so," she said with the realization that he'd probably crush her hand with his bionic one. "Good try though," she said with a smirk. Her smirk disappeared though and she looked at him with a serious expression before realizing he had a glint in his eyes as if he'd played a prank. Natasha realized he was teasing her. She smiled softly at him and he pursed his lips together as if unsure if he should smile back… and she wondered again, if he even knew how to smile.
She reached behind her and pulled the chair that Steve had vacated earlier, closer to the bed and sat down. Steve sat down further away, behind Banner but with a clear view to watch without interfering. It appeared that Natasha had developed a special connection with the Soldier, which might prove to be useful as they moved forward.
TBC'd