Avengers: Search for the Winter Soldier
Chapter 17
The Widow, the Witch and the Wardrobe
Summary: While Dr. Banner proceeds with the Soldier's first infusion therapy, Natasha shops for new clothes for the Soldier and invites a couple of friends along.
NOTE: I apologize for the long wait. I couldn't access the site until tonight. I have plenty of chapters for you to catch up on though. Enjoy. - W6C
"Zakroy glaza" she told him. Close your eyes.
He looked at the two men sitting to his right and back to her unsure.
"Vse khorosho. Zakroy glaza," she assured him. It's all right. Close your eyes.
The Soldier closed his eyes and Natasha slowly reached out slowly to touch his left arm with her fingertips. "Vy eto chuvstvuyete?" Do you feel that? she asked.
"Da," he answered. Yes
"Derzhi glaza zakrytymi. Vy eto chuvstvuyete? Keep your eyes closed. Do you feel that? she asked but made no move to touch him.
"Nyet," he answered No He kept his eyes closed and waited.
She expected him to open his eyes out of curiosity, as most people would have done; only to learn that she hadn't actually touched him. He didn't though. He simply did as he was told and never veered from his last instruction until told to do otherwise.
Natasha reached out and let her fingers just barely touch the metal of his shoulder. As softly as a feather's touch, she ran them down the length of his arm as lightly as she could manage. He visibly shuddered as she caressed his metal arm and his eyes opened wide. He looked at her with a stunned expression then raised his right arm to look at the goose bumps her touch had caused. The hair on his arm was standing on end.
"I think the answer to your question would be 'yes' again," Steve remarked, a little stunned himself at the reaction her touch had caused in the Soldier.
Dr. Banner rose from his seat and took a single step to the side of the bed. He carefully cradled the Soldier's raised right arm in both his hands. He inspected the needle insertion site to be sure his quick motion hadn't dislodged it or caused his arm any injury.
"I'd love to get a good look at the sensors in that arm. His sensitivity to touch is extraordinary, by any measure, but most remarkable in a prosthetic," Dr. Banner mentioned.
The Soldier's gaze moved from Nat and slid, without a blink, to stare at Dr. Banner. He understood what that statement would mean. Bruce saw the glare he was receiving in response to his comment and had the good sense to look apologetic. He guided the man's arm back down onto the bed and stepped back, now alert to the fact that his innocent remark was anything but benign to the Soldier.
Bruce put his hands up in front of him. "I would never do anything to harm you or to purposely cause you any pain," he told him. "May I ask..? When… the techs need to repair or adjust the sensors and other mechanics in your arm… is it painful for you?"
The Soldier just stared at him a few seconds longer and then dropped his gaze as he thought about the question. Steve made a mental note, that the Soldier seemed reluctant to answer any of their questions when their queries pertained to pain or discomfort. Steve was becoming more certain that things had only ever gotten worse for the Soldier any time he allowed pain or fear to be a concern. When he was asked if he was sleeping okay, he didn't actually answer the question. He opted, instead, to report that he was having dreams and never actually answered the original question.
"Your arm…" Dr. Banner tried again. "Is that the original prosthetic or has it gone through variations over the last seventy years?"
The Soldier swallowed and took a deep breath. He didn't answer the question. His eyes shifted in Banner's direction but he didn't come close to looking at him. He'd become very still and his head had lowered so slowly that none of them were aware of the change in posture until his refusal to answer.
Natasha was watching him closely, as were they all. She realized he had become distrusting of Bruce's questions; his expression was stern and his posture had become guarded with head held low and his shoulders rounded forward. She glanced up at the infusion bag above his right shoulder to see the level of the liquid had lowered, but was still nearly full.
Bruce noticed her studying the bag and he realized that the Soldier's change in demeanor could be due to the drugs entering his system. "Natasha," he said to get her attention and she looked at him in question. "Talk to him… whatever way he's comfortable with."
She knew that meant she should talk to the Soldier in Russian if that meant they could get him to feel more relaxed.
"Anything special I should talk to him about?" she asked.
"Umm, sure," he replied. "See if you can get any information about that arm… how it works, if he knows…" Bruce suggested as he slowly stood up to adjust the drip. "Is it the original arm or has he gone through multiple upgrades," he mentioned as he slowly spun the dial on the tubing to slow the drip. "That sort of thing…"
Natasha nodded and turned her attention back to the man on the bed. She could clearly see his eyes were glazed as he stared unfocused toward his knees. She looked over at Bruce as if to ask.
"I dialed it back," he told her. "Give him a minute."
She watched the Soldier closely for a minute or two until he finally blinked slowly as if waking up from sleep. She reached out and laid her hand gently over his to see if he'd respond to her touch.
He blinked again and slowly raised his eyes as if unsure of where he was. His gaze moved to the blonde and then to the doctor. Natasha rubbed her palm against the metal hand and the Soldier turned to look at her. She smiled softly at him.
"You can feel me touching your hand," she commented in Russian and he nodded slowly in response.
Bruce and Steve sat silently as Natasha conversed with the Soldier in his own language. They knew she would share with them what she learned when they took a break a little later.
"When the arm is damaged or compromised, can you feel that too?" she asked.
The Soldier nodded.
"When you become aware that the arm is damaged how does that register to you? she asked.
His eyebrows knitted together, unsure what she was asking.
"Does the damage register as pain?" she clarified her question.
The Soldier nodded.
"The arm registers pain," she stated in wonderment. "Have you had different versions of this prosthetic?" she asked.
He looked to her again, uncertain of what she was asking.
"Is this the original arm? The one you were given… after they amputated your arm?" she asked. The Soldier stared at her intently. She could tell he was trying to access his memories and she wondered if he even had memories of falling from the train or the subsequent amputation of what remained of his left arm. "Is this the only arm you can remember being given?" she asked instead.
The Soldier looked down at the shiny metal arm and then back to her. He nodded.
"Remarkable," she commented.
"What's remarkable?" Bruce asked, unable to contain his curiosity. Only when he questioned her did she realize she had commented in English.
"It's the original arm," she told him quickly, not wanting to alert the Soldier to the shared information in case it would cause him to stop interacting with her.
Realizing Natasha was able to get answers from him, Steve leaned forward. "Ask him what he's been dreaming about."
Natasha looked at him, confused.
"Just ask him, please," Steve asked.
Natasha turned her attention back to the Soldier. He looked tired and she imagined the drugs were affecting him, but thankfully, not with the intensity they had the first time Banner had dosed him.
"Tell me," she said softly, again in Russian, "have you been dreaming?"
His gaze lifted again and he looked at her. He just stared at her for a moment and then slowly nodded. Natasha got the clear impression that his dreams were unsettling to him.
"Can you tell me about them?" she asked. He looked at her, unblinking, as he considered her request. "Can you tell me what you're dreaming about?" she asked more specifically in case he didn't comprehend the question the first time.
His eyes shifted again and she watched as his gaze swung over to Steve. He stared at Rogers for a few seconds and then swallowed thickly as if he had something caught in his throat. Natasha turned to look at Steve and he sat up a little straighter when he realized both she and the Soldier were looking at him. Bruce also noticed and turned to look at Steve too.
"What did I miss?" Bruce asked hesitantly.
"I'm not sure," Steve answered.
Natasha thought she understood and turned back to the Soldier. "Are you dreaming about him?" she asked, gesturing in Steve's direction but her words were in Russian.
The Soldier looked down at her hand to see that she was indicating the blond man. He nodded and then corrected his answer. "I don't know if it's him," he told her. "This man… and the boy in my dreams," he spoke hesitantly, unsure if he should even be telling her. "It feels like it is him," he said, letting his gaze rest on the blond man again, "I don't understand how that could be," he told her. "I've never met him before."
"Are you absolutely certain you've never met him before?" she asked, trying to gently push him to remember.
He searched his memories, few as they were, and he felt there should be something there. Why else would he be dreaming about him? When he raised his head to look at her again, his pupils were so dilated because of the drugs, that only a small rim of blue was barely detectable around the edges.
"Nyet," he finally answered. No, he wasn't sure about that at all. He wasn't sure about a lot of things about his life or his past; like, who he was and where he was from or how long he'd been alive - but deep down; somewhere inside, he felt certain that he'd known this man before, a long time ago.
He thought about that for a moment and it felt like a heavy weight, like something he'd carried for a long time and didn't even know it. He realized that he was suddenly tired and closed his eyes to rest them. As he sat there with his eyes closed his head fell forward. The jolt caused him to open his eyes and lift his head again. He looked sideways at the doctor watching him.
"It's all right," Bruce told him. "This infusion should make you sleepy. You can rest, it's all right."
The Soldier looked to the blonde man who gave him a nod. Even as he registered that he'd been given permission to rest his eyes became even heavier. He was certain that even if the man hadn't given permission, he wouldn't have had any choice in the matter. He blinked slowly a few times as the drugs' effects took over and he slipped into a deep sleep.
Natasha watched him for another minute to be sure he was actually sleeping and then made a decision.
"Since he'll probably be asleep for a while, I was thinking about heading to the city," she told Bruce and Steve.
"Really?" Bruce replied a little surprised.
Natasha nodded. "Yeah, he's been wearing Steve's clothes since he got here. I thought I'd go and do a little shopping. Get him some clothes so he has his own wardrobe."
Steve thought about that with a crooked grin. "It would be nice to not have all my shirts destroyed."
"Just need your sizes, since you both appear to be the same size," she said with a grin and stood up.
"Here," he said and took his little notebook out of his pocket to jot down his shirt and pants sizes for her. He ripped the page out and handed it to her.
"Thanks," she said, glancing at it before stuffing it into her pocket. "I'm going to see if Wanda wants to get out of here for a while too."
"Good idea," Steve said. "Why don't you ask Dr. Golden too?"
Natasha thought about that for a second. "Good idea," she told him. "See you guys later. Want me to bring you back anything?"
"Nothing for me, thanks," Steve replied.
"Me either," Bruce said with a smile.
"I bet Sam would like a double choco-chino," Steve told her as she headed for the door.
"Is that a thing?" she asked over her shoulder then grinned as she exited the room.
"I have no clue," Steve admitted under his breath as he turned back around.
Bruce chuckled softly as he checked his notes pertaining to the drug therapy he'd come up with and jotted down what he'd observed so far and closed the file; but left the laptop up and running. He turned to Steve with a small grin. "Only about two more hours," he told him. "You don't have to stay here, you know. He'll be out for most of it and probably for an hour or so after it's completed. He's doing really well though."
"You did good, Bruce. Thanks," Steve told him sincerely. "I'll stay a bit longer then hit the gym for a while."
"Good idea," Banner pointed out. "You need to keep yourself healthy while tending to this guy. We still don't know how all of this will pan out in the end. If it goes sideways, we need you… and everyone else… to be in tip top shape."
Steve hoped this situation didn't go sideways. He didn't know if he could handle losing Bucky to Hydra again. He also knew he couldn't bank on his wishes becoming a reality. It was going to be a long, slow process; of that, he was certain.
As luck would have it, Natasha found Wanda and Dr. Golden in the common area enjoying a cup of tea and engaged in small talk. They both ceased their conversation and smiled at her in greeting as she approached their table.
"I'm heading into the city," she told them; her expression was light and almost mischievous. "Need to go shopping for some clothes."
"Ooooh, clothes shopping," Emily echoed; that was an activity in which she could lose herself. "Sounds like fun."
Wanda agreed with a nod then looked at Natasha curiously. "You need clothes right now?" she asked; finding the timing a little odd.
"Not for me," Natasha answered with a grin. "Our guest has had to borrow clothes from Steve. He's already ruined a couple of shirts, I guess," she said with a shrug. "So… I thought since we're supposed to be guiding him toward a more autonomous life…"
"That's a great idea," Dr. Golden told her. "A few things help a person to learn who they are… like choosing their own clothes to wear. It's one of the first responsibilities we give young children in order to let them feel more in control of their own lives. It gives them a little power and allows them a chance to exercise their personal taste and style. We can pick up different styled shirts and pants and allow him to choose what he'd like to wear."
Natasha nodded. "I like that idea. So far, Steve's been choosing the clothes for him as it seems like he doesn't know how or doesn't understand when he gives him the choice."
Dr. Golden sipped her tea and gave a little shrug as she responded. "There's no real reason he should understand when given the choice. Hydra's handlers have done all the choosing for him for decades. He hasn't been allowed choices; what to wear, what to eat, when to sleep… even the parameters of his missions are spelled out for him. In combat, he can roll with the punches and think on his feet in battle scenarios; that's what they trained and conditioned him to do. His social skills are almost non-existent and his ability to communicate anything he may need or want has been essentially neutralized."
Natasha listened while Wanda nodded in agreement. When Dr. Golden became silent, Natasha nodded briskly as if rushing her along. "So? Are we going?" she asked.
"Oh yes," Wanda replied and stood up. "Let me get my bag and a jacket."
Natasha gave her a nod and turned to Dr. Golden. "You may want to bring a light jacket too. The city streets can get rather chilly even on a warm day."
"Okay," Dr. Golden said, accepting the suggestion. "Let me grab my things too."
"I'll bring the car out front. Meet us there," Natasha told her.
Dr. Golden agreed and the two split up in the hall, going in different directions. As Emily and Wanda met going in opposing directions, Dr. Golden told her they were meeting at the car. Wanda decided to wait for her and they walked down together.
After Natasha had left the Soldier's room, Steve remained another half hour watching the Soldier sleep. Banner's infusion therapy appeared to be working as Bruce had hoped, but the types of drugs being delivered had pushed the Soldier into a deep sleep. Steve had stayed for a while just to be certain he'd stay asleep.
"I think I'm going to hit the gym," he told Bruce.
"Good idea," Banner replied. "I'll stay with him. If anything should happen, I'll contact you right away."
Steve nodded and stood up. "I'll keep my comms open, just in case."
Bruce smiled at him as he turned and headed for the door; it was a soft smile, full of understanding and compassion. He didn't think Steve Rogers was going to be able to put his full attention on anything for a while that didn't pertain directly to the Soldier. His body would be in the gym, but his thoughts would be elsewhere. He totally understood.
The trip into the city was uneventful and the ladies enjoyed the drive. It was easy to get caught up in the moment to moment happenings back at the compound and Emily hadn't realized just how stagnant she was starting to feel back at Avenger's headquarters. The bright sunshine and warm air was a refreshing change from the constant air conditioned, temperature controlled atmosphere inside the building the Avengers called home. Natasha drove at a brisk but controlled speed down the winding roads; with the windows rolled down, the wind in their faces felt invigorating.
Emily smiled as the countryside passed by to her right; slowly changing to the bustling city streets as they neared Manhattan. She and Wanda; who was sitting in the back seat, took this time to really let go of their concerns and leave the issues at the compound behind them for a few hours.
Emily was rather impressed by Natasha's natural ease as she threaded the Audi TT Coupe past the throngs of pedestrians collecting on the street corners as they waited for the white neon signal to cross. As the traffic got heavier, Emily found herself gripping the armrest on the door now and again and holding her breath when a Yellow Cab taxi maneuvered eerily close to the expensive sports car. Natasha remained at ease as she worked her way through the downtown traffic heading for the Lower East Side.
The first stop of the day was Nordstrom Men's Shop on 57th Street. Natasha pulled up to the curb outside the shop and parked. She smiled as her passengers looked out at the large glass doors and then smiled at her.
"Let's get this party started," she said and opened the door. As Emily got out on the passenger side, Natasha flipped the driver's seat forward and waited for Wanda to squeeze her tiny frame out of the back seat.
Wanda straightened her clothes as Emily joined them. Natasha left the driver's seat forward but closed the door and locked it as they headed inside.
The store had large open space and the tall glass walls allowed a lot of natural light inside the shop. It had a wide lazy staircase that meandered its way to the second level.
They took their time, slowly perusing the shop and what it had to offer. There were all kinds of styles to choose from; from casual blue jeans and running shoes, to the more business casual khaki slacks and dress shoes. There were button up, striped shirts and dress casual sweaters to polo shirts, and oxford dress shirts. There were dress boots, and work boots and everything in between.
Gathering a nice assortment of styles from every day wear to a few dress casual outfits he might need if they found themselves to be hosting an impromptu gathering of high level government officials; who might feel the urgent need to see for themselves how the Winter Soldier was progressing while in the care and supervision of Stark and his team. 'After all,' Natasha knew personally, that second chances don't happen every day and when that time comes to be judged worthy of one by the powers that be—
"You only get one chance to make a good first impression," she commented aloud as she checked out a long-sleeved, button up Oxford shirt. It was crisp and bright white with blue stripes; she envisioned Barnes wearing it, the stripes bringing out the color of his eyes. She walked over and laid it against the khaki colored chinos Wanda was holding as she casually flipped through the offerings on a nearby basket rack.
The teammates liked the way the shirt and pants looked together and smiled at each other nodding. A moment later Emily joined them; showing off two pairs of casual dress slip on loafers; both pair were leather, one in caramel and the other mahogany. Wanda pointed at the mahogany pair just as Nat pointed at the caramel. The three laughed and decided to get both pair. He could always wear one pair with every day jeans and the other as dress.
They concluded their shopping at Nordstrom's with needed accessories; such as, a couple of belts and a wallet. Wanda had asked one of the male clerks to assist with appropriate under garments for a man matching the sizes Steve had written down.
After they cashed out, they got back in the car and drove over to Hell's Kitchen; to the Fine and Dandy Shop on 49th Street. It was Wanda's suggestion as she'd passed by the shop a few months back but didn't have time then to stop and check it out.
It was an interesting shop, to say the least. Emily found it to be of great interest as the styles offered were not what you would normally see in many clothing shops. There were ascots of all colors and fabrics; suspenders for every day wear and some with outrageous colors and patterns; there were all sorts of hats and waistcoats… wallets, belts, socks, custom shirts and gloves. They offered scented soaps and candles, leather journals, umbrellas, and even fragrances like Royall and Apothecary Malaysia. There were even style consultants on the premises who offered to help the ladies put a look together. All they had to do was describe their men's interests and personality. It took everything they had to not find that offer amusing.
The questions about "their men and their personalities" struck a chord with Wanda and Nat who took that as a cue to play with some ideas. Wanda donned a waist coat and a bowler hat then rested a colorful umbrella on her shoulder, looking quite dapper actually. She finished off the ensemble when she noticed a gold pocket watch displayed on a deep blue velvet pillow lying atop the glass countertop. She picked it up and flipped it open as if checking the time and then pushed it into a pocket of the waistcoat with the haughty air of a stuffy old rich gentleman.
Natasha and Emily watched her with bemused grins until Wanda was finished with her improvisation. They all laughed in the fun of the moment and even the shop's clerks applauded her dramatization and stage presence. With their moods sufficiently lightened, they put the items back in their proper places and said good day to the shop clerks.
As they left the shop, Natasha imagined James Barnes sporting that particular look and, she believed, he was certainly handsome enough to pull it off. Her image of him; clean shaven and bright eyed, with his long hair pulled back and secured in a gentleman's ponytail at the base of his neck.
His bright white smile, dimpled chin and deep blue eyes… she could certainly understand why the girls of the 40's gravitated to him. The stories Steve had shared with her about the suave and charismatic Bucky Barnes... she could stretch her imagination enough to see him then.
The Winter Soldier was another matter entirely. Her playful smile faded as her thoughts turned to the man they were actually shopping for. Perhaps one day he could be the type of gentleman who could pull off such an outfit, but she believed that was far into the future.
They got back in the car and headed to Rothman's in Union Square on Park Avenue South. This shop specialized in all types of menswear from casual to professional, formal tailored and bespoke. Natasha asked a few questions about having a suit made from scratch specifically to the needs of the Soldier's measurements, if it were to come to that. She took a business card offered to her over the counter and they left.
Global International Menswear, near the Lower East Side, was their next stop. A stalwart clothing store that offered, if you could believe it, imported Italian menswear and custom tailored services since 1940. Natasha walked in the door and paused as the scent of imported leathers and other fancy fragrances hit her. She scanned the shop from her place just inside the doors as Emily and Wanda entered behind her.
The smell of the leather made Natasha think of the black leather uniform the Soldier had been forced to wear. The absurdity of it all made her laugh openly. "Nope," she blurted out, turning on her heel she squeezed between her two companions and walked right back out the door. Wanda and Emily spun right around and exited the store as well, giggling as they caught up with Romanoff.
They headed back to the car and Wanda suggested they stop for a bite to eat since it was nearly two o'clock and they hadn't stopped for lunch yet. Emily and Natasha agreed. "I know just the place," Natasha told them. "It's not far."
They drove a few miles, recounting their successful shopping trip as Natasha pulled up in front of the Cornerstone Café' NYC on 17th Avenue in the East Village. They had a varied menu of food and drinks that included coffee, tea, smoothies, snacks, breakfast meals as well as lunch and dinner items.
They chose a table outside on the large stone patio and studied the menus that were available to them as they waited for their server. When their waitress came out with three glasses of water for them, they were ready to order.
Natasha ordered the grilled, wild caught, Atlantic Salmon fillet, with lemon garlic wine marinade, with mashed potatoes and sautéed spinach or kale. She went with the spinach. Wanda ordered a Greek salad with imported feta cheese, romaine lettuce, cucumbers, olives, tomato, olive oil, and a red wine vinaigrette dressing. Emily chose the smoked salmon crepe with cream cheese, homemade pesto and a hard-boiled egg. The waitress wrote down their choices and left them to place the orders.
When the waitress had left, Natasha took a sip of water and decided to tell Emily about her recent interactions with the Soldier. "I taught him how to play Thumb War," she said.
Dr. Golden and Wanda both looked at her.
"Sorry?" Emily said, as she didn't quite catch it. Natasha looked at her and smiled.
"This morning," Natasha explained, "when you asked me to take Soldat out of your office while you spoke to Steve?" Emily nodded, acknowledging that she remembered. "While we were waiting in the hall," she explained. "I taught him how to play Thumb War." Both Wanda and Dr. Golden stared at her as if not understanding the statement. "It's a game," she began to explain, "You link your hands together and use your thumbs to -."
"I know what it is," Emily interjected. She blinked at Natasha for a moment as that information sank in. "He actually played Thumb War with you?"
"Yes," Natasha smiled. "He beat me every time too."
"He played a game with you…"
"Yes," Natasha answered with a smile.
"How did he act?" Emily asked, quite curious as to how she was able to get the Soldier to play a game with her.
Natasha shrugged. "What do you mean?"
"Well, was he enjoying himself? Was he following the game rules? Did he smile? I know I can't play that game without smiling," Emily told them.
"I don't know if he was enjoying the game like you and I would enjoy it. He didn't smile, even when he won. He didn't react at all, actually, even when I was laughing," Natasha told her. "I explained how to play the game and he played it as I had explained it."
"But he did it," Emily said, thoughtfully.
"Yes."
"That's amazing," Emily told her. "Is there anything else? Anything of interest I should know? Anything no matter how small -"
Natasha thought about it and was about to say no, when it suddenly occurred to her that she never reported one significant event. She looked at Dr. Golden and said, "He remembers me."
"What?" Emily replied. "What do you mean he remembers you?"
"This morning, when I walked in the room… Steve was there with him and when I entered he turned to look at me and-," Natasha paused, remembering how he had looked when he saw her.
"And what?" Emily prodded her to finish.
"The look on his face," she told them, "it was unexpected to say the least. He stared at me, his eyes got wider and he said softly "'Malen'kaya mysh'." Natasha looked at Dr. Golden and then Wanda. They both were waiting for the translation. "It means "Little Mouse"."
"That's what he called you when you were a child," Emily said, remembering the story she had shared with her and Steve.
"Yes," Natasha smiled again. "Then he said, 'you survived, you're all grown up now'."
"Holy cow," Emily stated. "That's huge, Natasha."
"I thought it was," she said. "It stunned me. It was so long ago."
"Not to him," Wanda mentioned. "As much time as he's spent in the cryo-freeze... fifteen or twenty years would go by for us but to him it would seem like weeks or months, right?"
Natasha and Emily considered that. "Quite possibly, yes," Emily answered.
"Then why wouldn't he remember Steve?" Nat asked.
"He knew Steve as James Barnes," Emily explained. "His brain has been completely altered since he last knew Steve Rogers. The Winter Soldier doesn't know Steve the way Bucky did. The Soldier knew you though… and remembered you even after so many memory wipes -."
"Their torture treatments are not completely successful," Natasha realized. "If that's true, that he can regain previous memories even after being wiped and re-conditioned again and again -."
"There's still hope we can reclaim Sergeant Barnes," Emily told her.