Okay, so it ended up being late by two days. Again, so sorry for the delay. Regular Friday uploads will continue next week.
And now, we're getting into the episodes that I consider to be true classics. This was the episode where the series started to pick up for me and I consider it one of my all-time favorite episodes. Like I said, one of the things that drew me to this series to begin with was Molly and Scratch's weird friendship and before this episode, there wasn't a whole lot of emphasis on it. Yes, there were hints that Scratch was starting to legitimately like Molly, but it was always accompanied by him continuing to put up his "grumpy loner" front. "Not So Honest Abe," I feel, was the first time we got a deeper look into Scratch's true feelings for Molly and it really solidified his "Jerk with a Heart of Gold" status. Not only that, but unlike previous episodes that took place in the living world for the most part, we finally get a more in-depth look at the Ghost World and get to see more locations within it. It's just an all-around funny, sweet, and enjoyable episode.
That being said, it was actually a little hard putting my own spin on this one because there were just too many things I liked here that I didn't want to change. At the end of the day, I think what definitely sets this apart from the actual episode is the humor. There were plenty of jokes and references I came up with on the spot that I'm pretty proud of. Also, as you might have been able to tell, I'm doing my best to give the Trio more individual roles, despite the fact that they're all playing the part of one character. There will definitely be plenty of chapters going down the road that gives each individual member a chance to shine, but for now, I'm still struggling to give each of them a fair amount of dialogue. Hopefully, I'll get better as we go.
Well, let's get started!
Stretch, Stinkie, & Fatso: Muahahahahahaaaa!
Molly: Can't believe you're all mine
Fatso: Uh, what?
Molly: You and me for all time
Stretch: No way!
Molly: I'm never, ever, EVER gonna be alone again
Stinkie: This stinks!
Molly: It's just you three and me
Fatso: For all eternity?!
Molly: For all ETERNITY!
Stretch, Stinkie, & Fatso: NOOOO!
Molly & Ghostly Trio: It's the Ghost-Ghostly Trio and Molly McGee
Fatso: We've been cursed!
Stinkie: It's the worst!
Molly: Now you're stuck with me
Molly & Ghostly Trio: We're never gonna be apart
Stretch: Is there a way to hit 'restart'?
Molly: Nope!
Molly & Ghostly Trio: We're the Ghost-Ghostly Trio and Molly McGee
Molly: That's me!
Stinkie: Well, that's she. Hee, hee, hee!
Molly & Ghostly Trio: Ghostly Trio and Molly McGee!
Fatso: Oh yeah!
Chapter 9
Lincoln Thinkin'
It was another night at the Haughty Haunts Club in the Ghost World. The line to get in was long, as usual, but the club space was limited, which was why the security guard up front had to make sure only the most popular spirits could get inside. And that night, the line was filled with all sorts of well-known and well-respected ghosts…as well as the Ghostly Trio…
Stretch tapped Julius Caesar on the back where the knife he was killed with still stuck.
"Hey, pal! Keep the line movin', will ya? Why do ya even still have this thing anyway, huh? What, ya keepin' it as a souvenir?"
Caesar said nothing and moved ahead.
"Sheesh, et tu, nincompoop?" Stinkie taunted.
"Eh, he's just mad 'cause of all things he got a salad named after 'im." Fatso assumed.
Cleopatra came up behind the three.
"Oh, hey Cleo!" Stretch greeted. "Wow, I gotta say, that mummification did wonders on your complexion."
"I'll say! And if ya don't believe us, you're in 'de Nile'!" Stinkie joked.
Cleo just rolled her eyes and went inside.
"Hey, we'll see ya on the dance floor!" Fatso called after her. "Then we can really 'walk like an Egyptian'!"
"HAHAHAHAHA!" the Trio guffawed, before realizing the line had moved on without them.
"Whoa! Wait up, fellas!"
Stretch flew ahead, his brothers trailing behind him, and bumped into another taller ghost.
"Hey, watch it, stilts! People are floatin' here!"
"Yeah, who do ya think you are, the president?" Stinkie remarked.
The ghost then turned around, revealing his iconic beard and top hat. The Trio gasped.
"Lincoln?!" Stretch gulped. "Uh, heh, heh…sorry about that, pal. Go on ahead. Hey, if ya wanna hang out later or somethin', we're free to-"
But Lincoln was already gone.
"Hmph." Stretch grumped. "Guy thinks he's soooo important just 'cause he's on the five-dollar bill! News flash! Franklin is on the hundred, and he wasn't even president!"
"Why's everyone love him so much?" Fatso wondered. "All he did was issue the Emancipation Proclamation that eventually abolished slavery in the United States. Big whoop!"
"Yeah…but the worst thing about him is his whole ideal to always be…" Stretch shuddered. "…honest…"
Stinkie and Fatso did the same.
"Yech…Abraham Lincoln." Stinkie snorted. "More like Abraham Stinkoln!"
"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" the Trio laughed.
"Ahem!"
The three looked up and saw the club bouncer staring them down.
"What are you losers doin' here? You know the rules! VIPs only! And by that, I mean 'Very Important Phantoms,' not 'Very Irritating Phantoms'! So, get lost!"
"Hey, how dare you!" Stretch accused. "We happen to be the most important phantoms in the Ghost World! We even got these to prove it!"
The Trio held up badly-made VIP cards and handed them to the bouncer.
"Ya like 'em? We drew 'em ourselves." Fatso admitted, prompting Stretch to smack him. "Uh, I mean, we had 'em drawn for us." Another smack. "I mean-"
"Nice try, but you ain't foolin' anyone, bozos!" the bouncer scolded. "You're nobodies!"
"Buddy, this is the Ghost World." Stinkie pointed out. "Technically, we're all 'no-bodies' here."
The guard responded by tearing up the cards.
"…So…we're allowed in, right?" Fatso asked, completely missing the point.
Later, the Trio returned to the McGee residence, still bitter about not getting into the club. They landed on the living room couch where Molly was currently sitting and talking with someone on her phone.
"What do you mean I can't rent a gorilla? What kind of zoo are you? Hello? Hello?!" she put her phone down and noticed the Trio. "Oh my gosh, you guys are back!" she squeezed them all. "I missed you so much!"
"Oh please. It hasn't even been two hours." Stretch said bluntly.
"So, how was the club?"
"Didn't get in. As usual." Stretch escaped Molly's grasp. "Apparently, we ain't 'important' enough."
"Aww, I'm so sorry. If it makes you feel better, I think you're important."
"Like we care about your opinion."
That's when the Trio got a good look around the room and noticed tons of what seemed like random objects. Among them was a painting of the Mona Lisa, an Isaac Newton wig, and a butterfly net.
"What the heck is all this?"
"Oh, this stuff?" Molly laughed somewhat. "It's for Living History Day at school. Everyone has to bring the past to life by dressing up as a famous historical figure. It's super fun! So, I've been helping all my classmates get costumes and props. Like…"
She started showing off some of the aforementioned props.
"Kat needed a Joan of Arc suit of armor…"
"Heh. That gal really does need to 'hang in there.'" Fatso nudged Stretch and Stinkie.
"I made Sheela some radioactive uranium for Madame Curie…"
"Too bad that lady's personality ain't radioactive." Stinkie stated.
"And Jeremy wanted a National Farm Workers sign for Cesar Chavez!"
"Oh yeah. That guy." Stretch noted. "Don't know who he is, but he probably got into the Haughty Haunts club, too."
"Now all I need is a gorilla for Libby. She's playing primatologist Dian Fossey, and everyone knows you can't be Dian Fossey without a gorilla!"
Just then, Darryl came into the room eating out of a bag of chips. He ended up tripping and spilling the chips all over the couch and floor. When he got back up, he hunched over and picked the spilled contents up and ate them. He then saw some crumbs on Stretch's head and leaped onto the couch to grab them while grunting like an animal.
"Hey, knock it off!" Stretch demanded.
Fatso smacked Darryl's hand and tried to grab the chips for himself, starting a shoving match between the two, with monkey sounds and all.
"Ooh," Molly beamed. "Ape-mazing! Darryl, you're perfect!"
She got out her phone and texted Libby: "Gorilla acquired."
"Huh?"
While Darryl was distracted, Fatso took the chip out of his hand and scratched his underarm. Darryl snarled in respond, and just when things were about to get uglier, Stretch threw the crumbs that were on his head into another room and the two "primates" went running.
"Well, if you went all out for those skin sacks in your class, I can't wait to see how overboard ya've gone on your own project!"
Molly froze in terror. "Um…yeah…my project…"
"I bet it's super annoyin' with tons of glitter…"
"Yep…so much glitter…"
"And ribbons…" Stinkie added.
"Yeah, yeah, those too…"
"And probably loads of stuff for extra credit points!" Fatso finished, eating his chip crumbs.
"Oh, definitely. It's mostly ribbons, actually." Molly fake yawned. "Well, since my work is obviously done, and excellently I might add, I think it's time to hit the hay! I'm gettin' an A for sure! Classic Molly. Goodnight!"
The tween sprinted upstairs, instantly making the Trio suspicious.
"Somethin' smells funny here." Stretch said.
"Wasn't me." Stinkie denied.
Fatso pressed an imaginary button. "Goin' up?"
The three ghosts piled together as if they were stepping into an elevator and floated up through the ceiling to the attic, where Molly was having a panic attack.
"So…lemme guess…" Stretch smirked. "You've done nothin'."
"I'VE DONE NOTHING!" Molly wailed.
"Huh. Not botherin' with her own stuff 'cause she was too busy helpin' other people with theirs." Fatso recalled. "Now that sounds more like classic Molly."
"Y'know, ya wouldn't have this problem if ya just took up our philosophy…" Stretch started.
"Always look out for number one!" the Trio recited.
"And that's especially important for when you're dealin' with dogs." Fatso whispered to Molly.
Molly groaned. "No, no, no. It's okay. It's not too late. I can still get this done. Especially since I'm doing my presentation on Abraham Lincoln, the most popular president! I'm sure there's lots and lots of info about him out there."
She took out her computer and promptly got to work doing research. Several hours and dozens of books and websites later though, she was still no closer to getting her project started.
"Ugh! There's too much info! I can't sort through all of this by morning, but I can't insult our best president by having the worst presentation!"
She picked up the Trio and shook them hard.
"I'm! Letting! Lincoln! DOWN!"
"Snap out of it!" Stretch grabbed her by the face. "No one cares about your stupid presentation, of course, but if there's someone who REALLY don't care, it's Lincoln."
"Oh yeah? How do you know?"
"'Cause we saw 'im earlier today in line at the club. Guy didn't even seem fazed when we bumped into 'im."
Molly grabbed Stretch once more. "I've been studying for nine hours…and you guys have known President Lincoln this whole time?! That is…AWESOME!"
"Uh…it is?"
"Heck yeah! Do you know how many people are dying out there to meet the guy? Meanwhile, you guys are already dead and you're acting like you knowing him isn't a big deal! That is huge!
"Wait…really?"
"Uh…yes! Pfft, and they say you're not important enough ghosts…"
Stretch grinned. "Uh…yeah! That's right! Us and Lincoln? Total boo-som buddies!"
Molly gasped. "Really?!"
He nudged his brothers, hinting at them to go along with the lie.
"Oh. Well, actually, we're such close friends, he lets us call him 'Abe.'"
"Uh…yep…best pals for afterlife!"
"No way!" Molly squealed. "This is so unbelievable!"
"Well ya better believe it, McGee, 'cause it's the truth!" Stretch gained a ski mask and swiped the book Molly was holding. "We're thick as thieves!"
"We're peas in a pod!" Stinkie reappeared in a pea pod.
"We're joined at the hip!" Fatso attached Stretch and Stinkie to his side, earning a pair of annoyed glares from them.
After cutting loose from his brothers with a pair of scissors, Stretch continued.
"In fact, the guy loves us so much, he'd do absolutely anything we ask of 'im! No questions asked!"
"Wow!" Molly cried. "So, does that mean if you asked him to come here and help with my project, he'd do it?"
"Sure would." Stretch responded casually, making Stinkie and Fatso legitimately worried.
"Seriously? Can he come right now?"
Stretch also became nervous upon hearing this request.
"Uh…well, I dunno, the guy's awfully busy! He's gotta emancipate this and proclamate that and whatever."
"But…you said he'd do anything you asked him to." Molly reminded him. "Wait a sec…you're not just saying you know Lincoln to impress me, are you?"
Stretch faked being sad. "Moll…how could you even accuse us of such a thing? Us, your bestest friends ever? Sure, we do a lot of mean stuff to ya. Sure, we mock you when you're not around. Sure, we also do it to your face. And sure, we read your diary while you're at school so we have somethin' to laugh at. But what, I ask, what, in that fleshie brain of yours, makes you think we would ever lie to you?"
"Uh…because you guys lie, like, all the time?" Molly answered. "Isn't one of your other philosophies 'Dishonesty is the best policy'?"
"Well, not this time! Ever since we met good ol' Honest Abe, he's rubbed off on us! We haven't told a single fib for two straight days! So there!" Stretch blew a raspberry.
"What about when ya blamed Sharon's broken vase on the cat yesterday?" Stinkie pointed out.
"Yeah, they don't even have a cat." Fatso added.
Stretch squeezed his fist around both of their mouths, shutting them up for good. Then he opened up a portal to the Ghost World.
"You'll see!" he promised to Molly. "We're gonna bring our best friend Big Linc here and prove to you we're the real deal! Then we'll see who's laughin'! So, ha!"
The portal closed, taking the Trio along with it.
"…I wasn't laughing…" Molly said to herself.
Later on, the Trio arrived at the Ghost Café, completely stressed out over the big whopper they told Molly.
"Nice goin', Stretch!" Stinkie whined. "Ya really kicked the hornets nest on this one."
"Yeah," Fatso scolded. "Even I'm not dumb enough to do that! I've only ever kicked a wasps nest."
"Aw, shaddup!" Stretch moped. "You bozos went along with it!"
"Hiya, fellas!" Poil entered and sat across from the Trio. "Whatsa matter? Why the long, droopy faces?"
"Like you'd understand, short sheet." Stretch sighed and slammed his head on the table. "Poil…we're dead men…"
"Well, of course ya are, silly! You're ghosts!"
Before Stretch could explain what he actually meant, a barista interrupted from behind the counter.
"I got a hot, misery mocha, extra whip for Pearl?"
"I think that's for you." Fatso informed Poil.
"Nope." Poil shook her head. "He said: 'Pearl.' P-E-A-R-L. My name is Poil. P-O-"
"WE KNOW HOW IT'S SPELLED!" Stretch shouted, exasperated.
"…I-L."
"Argh!…Look, let's get back to the issue at hand. Ya know that kid, Molly, right? The one we're cursed to be stuck with forever? Well…we kinda, sorta, maybe told her we knew Abraham Lincoln when we actually, well…don't."
"Wait, you lied to Molly? Why would ya do that? Were ya tryin' to impress her or somethin'?"
"No! Why would we care about impressin' her? She means nothin' to us!"
"I dunno…" Poil sang. "Sounds to me like you're startin' to like her…"
"Aw, what do you know anyway?" Stinkie sneered.
"Not much." Poil shrugged. "But I do know a friendship when I see one. Why don't ya just tell her the truth? I'm sure she'll understand."
"Tell her the truth? That's the dumbest idea I ever heard!" Stretch claimed. "Of course, since it came from you, that shouldn't be a surprise."
"Well, what else can ya do? I mean, it ain't like ya can dress someone else up and pass 'em off as Lincoln."
"Yeah, too bad we…wait a sec…" Stretch paused, before getting in Poil's face. "Poil, I take it back! You're a genius!"
Poil giggled. "No I ain't! I don't know how to grant wishes!"
Stretch facepalmed. "Not genie! Genius! I…never mind! Let's just see if we can make this work."
He snapped his fingers and Stinkie and Fatso slammed a top hat on top of Poil and tied a fake beard around her neck.
"Perfect!" Stretch exclaimed. "Now, just one more thing. Do ya know the Gettysburg Address?"
"Nope." Poil took out a phone. "But I bet I can find it on Ghouly Maps!"
"…We're doomed." Fatso said.
"Aw, quit bein' negative!" Stretch argued. "We only need it to work for a minute. Now let's go!"
Stretch took Poil by the arm and dragged her into a portal. Stinkie and Fatso followed them apprehensively.
By the time the Trio returned to Molly's room, the latter was conked out under a pile of history books.
"Oh Molly…" Stretch called. "Look who's here!"
Molly didn't stir.
"I got this…" Stinkie rolled up his sleeves. "Hey, Moll! Time to wake up and smell…my mornin' breath!"
He took a breath and blew a stench cloud in her face, instantly waking her up and triggering a coughing fit.
"Gah! A house…bleh…divided against…cough…will not stand!"
"Boom!" Stretch showed off Poil in her Lincoln disguise. "Abraham Lincoln! Told ya we knew 'im!"
Molly's eyes lit up with disbelief and excitement.
"OMG…President Lincoln? Is it really you?"
"Wait, Lincoln's here?" Poil looked around. "Where?"
"She's talkin' bout you, dum-dum!" Stinkie whispered.
"Oh, right. Yep, it's me, Abraham Lincoln. Nice to meet ya."
"Wow…the real Lincoln in the flesh! Well, I guess there's not really any flesh involved, but you know what I mean. Say, you look pretty short for someone who's supposed to be 6'4"."
"Oh yeah. Well, ya lose a lot with age. And ya lose even more when ya become a ghost." Poil explained.
"Oh. I guess that makes sense. But I definitely don't remember you having long, blonde hair in any of the pictures I've seen of you."
"Well, that's 'cause…this is how it looked before I cut and dyed it! Yeah, I didn't want people to think I was some big dummy while I was still alive. Back then, everyone assumed you were a complete ditz if ya had blonde hair. Pretty hard to believe, huh?"
Stretch forcefully pulled Poil away.
"Yeah, yeah. Ridiculous. Anyway, like I said, Abe's very busy, so-"
Molly grabbed Poil by the tail.
"Wait! Mr. President, please don't go! I'm your number one fan and I really need your help with my project!"
The Trio flew behind Molly and gave Poil several signals.
"What are you guys doin'?" Poil asked. "Are we playin' charades?"
Stretch shook his head rapidly.
"Okay, you're shaking…" Poil observed. "Um…"
Stinkie did a motion with his hands.
"Shaking…hands? Ya wanna shake hands?"
Fatso wrote something down on a large piece of cardboard and held it out for Poil to read.
"Oh! 'Don't tell Molly anything or she's gonna know we lied about knowing Lincoln'?"
"What?"
Molly turned around just in time to see Stretch smashing the sign over Fatso's head. He and Stinkie waved while smiling innocently.
"Okay then…" Molly looked back at Poil. "So, will you help me?"
The Trio literally morphed into the word 'No!', hoping Poil would get the hint. But she didn't.
"Well, sure! I'd be a pretty lousy president if I let down my number one fan, after all! Take a seat and I'll tell ya all about Lincoln! Which is me."
"Woo!" Molly cheered and sat down on her bed in anticipation.
"Uh…give us a sec…" Stretch took Poil aside. "Poil! What the heck are ya doin'? This ain't a part of the plan!"
"This ain't what we talked about!" Stinkie mentioned.
"This ain't Texas, ain't no hold 'em!" Fatso sang and was promptly whacked.
"Don't worry fellas," Poil reassured them. "I'm an actress, remember? I can totally get into this character! Watch, I can even go deep!"
Poil demonstrated by sinking into the floor and then popping back up beside Molly.
"So, what would ya like to hear?"
"Oh, absolutely everything!" Molly replied eagerly. "Tell me your whole life story, beginning to end!"
"Okay. Let's see, I was born on a cruise ship sailin' for Miami…"
"Wait, I thought you were born in a cabin?"
Poil wrapped her arm around Molly. "C'mon kid, I'm Honest Abe! I don't lie, remember?"
Molly blinked her eyes slowly, the sleep deprivation making her more gullible than usual.
"You're absolutely right, Mr. President." she turned to the Trio. "And speaking of lying, I'm sorry I didn't believe you guys. You were telling the truth all along."
Stretch laughed nervously. "Heh, heh…Aw, fuggedaboudit. We all make mistakes. Heh, heh, heh…"
"Yeah, especially you." Stinkie retorted.
"Today." Fatso added.
"Shut up!" Stretch growled.
Later on, Living History Day had started at Brighton Middle School. All the students had their own little presentation booths set up in the cafeteria and each was wearing a costume to resemble their selected historical figure.
"Greetings," Libby said. "I am Dian Fossey. I studied mountain gorillas in Rwanda, like this one."
She gestured to Darryl in a gorilla suit, chowing down on a bowl of chips.
"Darryl!" she smacked his hand and he let out a loud screech. "Stop grooming me!"
Molly was also just starting her presentation, completely decked out in Abe Lincoln's standard apparel, but with the addition of a blonde wig. The Trio and Poil stood right behind her, invisible to the rest of the school.
"Hello, I am Abraham Lincoln, sixteenth president of the United States of America. And before you ask, yes, my hair is blonde. Little known fact, this is how my hair looked before I cut and dyed it. You can go back and correct all those paintings of me now."
The students watching, as well as Molly's history teacher, Mrs. Roop, exchanged very confused glances. Molly went on.
"Here's something else I bet you didn't know! While it's true I spent most of my life practicing law, in my spare time, I also taught bears to polka!"
"What?" Mrs. Roop and the students went.
"Then, I set out to sea to find my fortune as a pirate." she replaced her top hat with a pirate hat. "I went by the name Calico Jack!"
Stretch facepalmed and then the students started to laugh. Mrs. Roop, on the other hand, wasn't so amused.
"I warn you, Miss McGee…that those who make a mockery of history are doomed to repeat it…next semester!"
Poil flew over the teacher's shoulder as she marked something on her clipboard. She then went back to the Trio.
"Well, I'd say this is goin' pretty well. Obviously, the kids are havin' a good time since they're laughin' so much. The teacher even put a big, fat 'F' on Molly's report card."
"What?!" Stretch grabbed Poil by the shoulders.
"How could you possibly interpret that as a good thing?!"
"Yeah, do ya even know what 'F' stands for?!" Stinkie demanded.
"Sure I do! It stands for 'funny,' of course!"
Fatso scratched his head. "Huh. Here I always thought it stood for 'fantastic.'"
"This is a disaster!" Stretch claimed. "We can't just sit back and watch Molly humiliate herself like this!"
"You're right." Fatso snapped his fingers. "We need pizza!"
"Seriously?" Stinkie lectured. "Shouldn't we be past the level of insensitive where we just treat Molly's problems like our own personal movie night?"
"No, wait!" Stretch intervened. "Fatso's right! I think a pizza is exactly what we need…"
A bit later, the Ghostly Trio arrived back at the Haughty Haunts Club, carrying a large, steaming pizza.
"Now remember," Stretch instructed. "Keep your faces hidden…"
Fatso reached into the box for a slice, only to get his hand slapped by Stretch.
"Cut that out!"
The three approached the bouncer.
"Hey, uh, we got a pizza delivery for a Mister…" Stretch read off a fake order slip. "Lincoln? First initial, A?"
"I'll take it to him." the bouncer offered.
"Well, actually, it's a personal pizza. Meanin', we gotta deliver it to him personally."
The bouncer lifted up the box with one hand, revealing the Trio's faces. He then used the other hand to grab them.
"You guys again? Get lost!"
"Wait! We can explain!" Stretch pleaded. "Fatso?"
"Uh…"
Fatso, unsure what to do, threw the pizza in the bouncer's face.
"GAH!" the bouncer screamed as his face burned from the hot cheese and sauce. "Chicago style! It's not even pizza!"
While he was distracted, the Trio escaped his grip and slipped into the club. Fatso saluted at the pizza before leaving.
"Your sacrifice will not be forgotten…"
"C'mon!" Stretch yanked Fatso by his tail.
When the brothers got inside, they were overwhelmed by loud music, flashing lights, and tons of famous ghosts partying down.
"Huh. So this is what we've been missin' all these years…" Stinkie noted.
"Yeah, not a bad pad." Fatso commented. "Wonder if the bar serves marghoulritas?"
"Focus, you ecto-heads!" Stretch yelled. "We got more important things to worry about than clubbin'! We gotta find Lincoln before it's too late!"
The tallest ghost looked around the club until he spotted a door labeled "President Lounge."
"Bingo!"
The Trio floated into the lounge and immediately began searching for Abe. But they clearly underestimated the size of the lounge, because they were finding it difficult to locate him.
"Hey, listen up, campaign-brains!" Stretch shouted. "We're lookin' for Abraham Lincoln here! Where the heck is he?"
But nobody heard him over the music.
"Sheesh, why is this so hard?" Stinkie complained. "There are only 40 of these guys!"
Fatso spotted the plug to the speakers and unplugged them.
"Hey! Turn the music back on!" Franklin Roosevelt demanded. "FDR needs his EDM!" he spun in his wheelchair.
Stretch got in his face. "And we need to find Abe Lincoln, so you can 'new deal' with it, buster!"
Just then, the bouncer came in and scooped the Trio up.
"Gotcha!"
"Hey, put us down, ya mozzarella-faced moron!"
The bouncer ignored Stretch's protest and started to carry him and the others to the exit. But Stretch wouldn't give up that easily. He grabbed onto the door frame, causing his arms to extend. Eventually, the bouncer couldn't hold on and he launched the Trio back into the lounge, where they landed on a familiar-looking top hat. Looking down, they were elated to find they were sitting atop the one and only Abraham Lincoln.
"Funny story," Lincoln told the other presidents, not having noticed the Trio yet. "I wore this hat because of a bad hair day. Now it's my signature look!"
"Mr. Lincoln!" Stretch faced him. "There you are! You remember us, right?"
Lincoln raised an eyebrow. "Should I?"
"C'mon, Abe, stop messin' around!" Stinkie encouraged. "We're the guys that bumped into ya in the line yesterday!"
"Ah, yes." Lincoln recalled. "How could I forget the ghosts who behaved so rudely toward me?"
"Hey pal, you're worth it." Fatso winked.
"…Anyway, what is it that you want?" Lincoln took a seat at the piano and started to play.
"Okay, yeah, see there's this fleshie, right?" Stretch began. "Her name's Molly McGee. And right now, she's doin' a presentation at school about you."
"Yeah, but she's bombin' it big time!" Stinkie went on.
"And now she's gonna fail her whole class because…well…" Fatso stammered. "We may or may not have led her to believe we were close friends with you."
Upon hearing this, Lincoln slammed his fingers on the piano and gave the Trio a disapproving stare.
"I never encourage deceit and falsehood, you three…"
"Falsehood? Ha! Look who thinks he's a human lie detector!" Stretch taunted. "You don't know nothin', bub!"
Lincoln raised his eyebrow once more, making Stinkie and Fatso shiver with fear.
"Uh…Stretch?" Stinkie gulped. "I know this sounds weird comin' from me, but maybe it's time to come clean…"
Stretch was also getting nervous, but he pretended he wasn't.
"No way! I know what he's doin'! He's tryin' to get us to admit we lied to Molly 'cause we don't want her to find out what big losers we are! Well, we ain't gonna admit it, 'cause it ain't true! We got nothin' to hide! We…uh…"
Stretch's eyes were locked on Lincoln's stare. He tried to look away, but it was all he could focus on at the moment.
"I…I…"
Stretch's entire body was covered with sweat at this point and so were his brothers'. After a few more seconds of silence, the Trio couldn't take it anymore.
"Okay!" Stretch blurted out. "I confess! I told Molly we knew you personally and set her up with a fake Lincoln!"
"And we went along with it!" Stinkie admitted. "We're just as guilty!"
Stretch nodded. "Yeah, but ya gotta understand, we only did it 'cause we don't want her to think we're a bunch of pathetic, unpopular nobodies! As much as we don't act like it, we do care about her and what she thinks of us!"
"It's true! It's true!" And also I didn't pay for my mocha!" Fatso sobbed.
There was a pause as the Trio composed themselves.
"Whoa…what the heck was that?" Stretch wondered. "It's like we were under a truth curse for a second there."
Lincoln smiled. "They don't call me 'Honest Abe' for nothing."
"Well, anyway, now, thanks to us, Molly's spoutin' nonsense to all the other kids at school!" Stretch continued. "Well, I mean, she's always spoutin' nonsense, but not like this!"
"Yeah, she's a laughin' stock!" Stinkie added. "At least, more than usual."
"You gotta help us, Mr. President!" Fatso begged. "We can't handle this guilt!"
Lincoln kept his patient smile. "Truth is your truest friend. But it sounds like this Molly is a close second."
The Trio gagged.
"Okay, let's not get carried away here." Stretch argued. "We ain't friends with any truth. We're not even acquaintances, got that? But Molly?" he grinned somewhat. "Yeah…she's okay."
"She's not bad." Stinkie confessed.
"She's all right, she's all right, the girl's all right with me!" Fatso sang, prompting Stretch to pinch his lips shut.
"So, will ya do it…Abe?" Stretch requested.
Lincoln rose from his chair. "Well, I'd be a pretty lousy president if I let down my number one fan. Let us go right this wrong."
The Ghostly Trio cheered and high-fived each other.
"Oh, and don't forget to tip the waiter." Lincoln took out a five-dollar bill. "We may be dead, but we all gotta make a living."
The Lincoln on the bill winked, much to the Trio's surprise.
Meanwhile, Molly was still unintentionally making her classmates laugh with Poil's false history lessons.
"And…that's how I carved my own face into Mount Rushmore with nothing but my bare hands and…a spork…"
"Hahahahahaha!" the students laughed while Mrs. Roop shook her head disappointedly.
Molly shuddered, about to cry. "Um…if you'll excuse me, I need to use the little presidents' room…"
With that, she slipped away and hid out in the girl's restroom. Poil followed her, still in disguise.
"What's happening, Mr. President?" Molly asked, on the verge of tears. "You told me the truth…"
Poil winced. "Uh…yeah, I did."
"And now I'm telling everyone else the truth, but they don't believe me!"
"Aw, I'm sure it ain't that. They're probably just laughin' 'cause everything that happened in my life was so amusin'!"
"…They laughed when I told them you watched your dog die when you were only seven…"
"Yeah, but the dog's name was pretty funny, wasn't it? 'John'!"
"I mean…is that a funny name?"
"I dunno, it's another name for a toilet, right? I thought kids today appreciated bathroom humor."
"Molly!"
Molly jumped as the bathroom sink turned on by itself and the Ghostly Trio slinked out of the faucet.
"There you guys are! This presentation has been a total nightmare!"
"I ain't surprised…" Stretch flew over to Poil.
"'Cause it turns out…" Stinkie joined him. "That this Lincoln…"
"Is an imposter!" Fatso tore off Poil's hat, revealing her pink bow. He gasped, pretending to be shocked. "Poil! How could you?!"
"Yeah, who would stoop so low as to pretend to be a U.S. president?" Stinkie questioned.
"But you said-" Poil tried to say.
"Ah, ah, ah!" Stretch pressed a finger to her lips. "Whatever excuse you have, it ain't good enough! You oughta be ashamed of yerself! It's folks like you that make us sick…"
Poil remained as naive as ever. "Really? Maybe you oughta see a doctor then."
Stretch turned to Molly. "Don't worry, Moll. Bein' the amazin' friends we are, we pulled through for ya."
He gestured toward the door and Lincoln phased through.
"The true President Lincoln, at your service."
Molly was bewildered, but also amazed.
"Wow! The real real Lincoln! That's incredible! And here I was just beginning to think you lied to me about knowing him."
Stretch scoffed. "Nah! It's just like we said! We're total besties, right Abe?"
As soon as Stretch looked over at Lincoln, he was giving him the same disapproving stare from earlier. Stretch's nervous sweats returned.
"Wow, he's real good at that truth stare…" Stretch took a breath. "Look, Moll…the truth is…we did lie to ya about knowin' Lincoln."
"Ahem!" Stinkie and Fatso cleared their throats loudly.
Stretch sighed. "Okay. It was mostly me that lied to ya."
"But…why?" Molly inquired.
"Well, it ain't 'cause we value your opinion!"
Stretch got another truth stare from Lincoln.
"Uh…all right, it is that…"
Stinkie chimed in. "We just wanted yous to think we was important, 'cause well…"
"You're important to us." Fatso concluded.
At first, Molly looked angry.
"So…you three nearly ruined my grade because you care about me?!"
She then pulled the Trio into a hug and started sobbing like crazy.
"That is the nicest thing you guys have ever done!"
Stretch cringed at how wet he was getting. "All right, all right, get it together already."
"We ain't a tissue." Fatso added.
"You're embarrassin' yourself." Stinkie groaned.
"You're all so sweet!" Molly smiled through her tears.
Finally, the Trio couldn't put up their sour, sarcastic fronts any longer and they happily returned Molly's hug. Lincoln smiled at the scene.
"You can always tell the greatness of ghosts by the lengths they will go to for a friend." he held a hand out to Molly. "Now, what do you say we go fix your presentation?"
Molly and the Trio grinned and nodded at each other.
A few minutes later, Molly returned to her booth, this time with a more proper Abe Lincoln look. The students were still laughing their heads off.
"Heh, heh…I'm glad you're entertained." Molly began. "Because I, Abe Lincoln, was well known for my sense of humor and ability to tell a ripping yarn!"
Mrs. Roop went wide-eyed upon hearing this. She nodded her head, signaling Molly to continue.
"All jokes aside, I'm ready to give you my real presentation. It's a little out of the ordinary, but I think it really brings history…to life!"
Molly donned a pair of sunglasses and snapped her fingers. Suddenly, the lights turned off and a bright pink spotlight shined in the middle of the cafeteria. Underneath said spotlight, Molly was seated in front of a piano. She moved her fingers around, pretending to play while Lincoln, invisible to the crowd, sat beside her and actually played.
Molly: Mr. Abraham Lincoln stood six foot four
He kept us united through the Civil War
'Cause he believed every person had the right to be
Unchained, liberated, completely free
So, he rocked the nation with a proclamation
The document advanced in emancipation
But the states in the south didn't like him messin'
So, they said: "Peace out! Hashtag: succession!"
Lincoln said: "That's not gonna work for me!
I don't agree with the evils of slavery!"
He said the founding fathers had a master plan
Molly & Lincoln: And a house divided can't stand!
Abraham Lincoln was the man
Abraham Lincoln was the man
Lincoln: Spin it!
Molly: Everybody give the guy a hand!
Molly & Lincoln: Abraham Lincoln!
Molly: Lincoln was the man!
When the song was over, all of the students and Mrs. Roop applauded, along with the Ghostly Trio and Poil.
"Yeah!"
"Woo!"
"Eat your heart out, Hamilton!"
"Wow, it's like Lincoln is here in the room right now!" Mrs. Roop took her pen and wrote over Molly's original grade. "Abe plus!"
The Trio gave each other high-fives.
At the end of the day, the students began to take down their project boards and clear out of the cafeteria. Soon, only Molly was left, which allowed her to chat with her ghost pals without anyone thinking she was insane. She took off her Abe Lincoln hat and propped it on Fatso's head, who admired it happily…until it phased through him, making Stretch and Stinkie laugh. Poil and Lincoln were still there as well, the former running a hand through her fake beard.
"Thanks for everything, Mr. President," Molly told Lincoln. She looked at the Trio and hugged them once more. "And thanks to you guys, too."
Lincoln nodded. "I hope all of you learned a lesson today."
"We sure did, Linc!" Stretch claimed. "From now on, we should just stick to makin' fun of Molly instead of tryin' to do nice things for 'er! That way we won't cause as much trouble!"
"I don't think that's what he was talking about, Stretch." Molly replied.
"Aw, shut it, bone bag!"
Stinkie picked up Molly's hat and pulled it over her head.
"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" the Trio guffawed.
Molly lifted the hat slightly and whispered to Lincoln.
"They totally love me."
Suddenly, the cafeteria doors burst open and Molly's homeroom teacher, Miss Lightfoot, came in.
"Get lost, history nerds! It's time for the science fair!"
She pulled a rope, replacing the banner that read "Living History Day" with one that read "Science Fair." Molly started to panic.
"Science fair?! Oh no! I haven't even started on my project!" she grabbed the Trio. "By any chance, do you guys know Einstein?"
"Well…" Stretch chuckled. "Sort of…"
Lincoln gave him another truth stare.
"What? I ain't lyin' this time, I swear!"
Later on, the Ghostly Trio and Abe Lincoln returned to the Ghost World and appeared before the Ghost Council.
"What do ya mean a half-truth is the same as a lie?!" Stretch demanded after presenting Lincoln with Ghost Council member, Professor Frankenstein.
Lincoln only facepalmed.
"Uh…can we get another pizza now?" Fatso requested.
Ghostly Trio and Molly McGee!
Okay, I've fallen a bit behind in my writing due to my mini-vacation this week, but I promise you that will not deter me from getting the next chapter up on time. Regardless of when I upload, please remember to keep reviewing and sending me your honest feedback because it really does motivate me to continue writing. Thanks so much and see ya next week, bone bags!