Avengers: Search for the Winter Soldier, Chapter 31
Title: The Promise
Summary: The search team locates Soldat inside the gym, confused and terrified of being punished for wandering away.
"It's okay," Steve told him. "You're okay."
Soldat tried to say something in his own defense and again nothing came out. He lifted his head, still covering his head as he waited for the wranglers with stun sticks to attack him. He looked at the others then back to his handler and the expression of terror on Soldat's face broke Steve's heart.
"It's okay," Steve told him again, his voice cracking with emotion. He could tell the Soldier had no idea what was going on and was expecting a lot of pain as punishment for trying to escape.
Natasha remained in the center of the room with Nick and Maria and took the time to alert the other teams that the Soldier had been found in the gym.
"When you get here, just enter slow and quiet," she instructed the rest of the Soldier's team. She looked at Fury and Hill to see that both were quite clearly taken aback at the condition the Soldier was in. This was not at all what they were expecting.
Soldat kept his hands on his head as protection from imminent punishment as he looked at the blonde man and his whole body trembled with overwhelming terror. He hadn't meant to look as though he was trying to escape or attempting to defy the controllers at all. He knew now that's what it must look like. He had just wanted to find his handler and now would pay the price.
Steve slid forward a few inches at a time, trying to close the distance between them without causing Soldat further anguish. It was clear that he was terrified; his hands shook as they hovered over his head, shielding himself from expected blows. As he stared at Steve with terror filled eyes, Steve could clearly see his head and shoulders vibrating as his whole body shook in fear of punishment.
Every time the handler slid closer to him, Soldat averted his eyes. Punishment had to be dealt out, he knew. What were they waiting for? He held his breath and then would realize the handler had moved closer and stopped. He wasn't shouting at him and he wasn't using threatening gestures. He was speaking softly and showing empty hands. He didn't understand. Was he not going to be punished? Did the handler understand that he'd been looking for him? Did he know this?
Soldat raised his eyes from the floor to look at the handler again. He couldn't stop trembling, every muscle was tensed and it was difficult to take a breath because he was terrified of moving at all. As he stared at the blonde man, his bottom lip began to quiver and his eyes filled with tears. So far, no pain. What-?
"It's okay," Steve told him again, keeping his voice soft. He felt as though the man cowering in front of him was going to crumble to pieces any moment. He had to swallow the lump in his throat – God, he hated seeing Bucky in such a terrorized state. Steve's emotions rose to the surface and he felt his own eyes fill with tears as he slowly stretched a hand toward his friend. "We're not going to hurt you," he said.
Soldat understood a word the handler just said. Hurt. He tried to say the word, to tell his handler he didn't want to be hurt.
"H-h-hhh…" He couldn't say the word. The sound simply came out as a push of air from his lungs. His expression changed slightly as he realized again he couldn't speak. He looked at his handler again and the man tilted his head.
"You want to tell me something?" Steve asked. He didn't understand what was happening. Soldat wasn't big on conversation, but he had never shown an issue with speaking when necessary.
Soldat slowly lowered his hands and looked at the other people standing in the room. He recognized the redhead, but not the other two. He stared at Nick as if he'd seen him before but couldn't place him. Was he a controller? A doctor maybe?
"Hey," Steve said, trying to pull his attention away from Fury. It worked. Soldat brought his attention back to Steve. "We're not going to hurt you. Do you understand?"
Soldat's face screwed up as if he was fighting the urge to cry. He wanted to believe that. He wanted to believe that more than anything, but he was afraid to trust those words.
"We're not going to hurt you," Steve repeated. "I promise."
There was something about this man; his voice, his manner, his kindness, his words… something inside him snapped into place at the last two words. iI promise/i An image of the light haired boy overlapped the handler's face and Soldat realized this was the same person. He had to be someone he knew before, a long time ago… when he was a boy. This man… was his friend? Was that it?
Steve watched Soldat as he listened to his words. His promise to not hurt him caused the dam to burst and he watched as the Soldier's expression of terror shifted dramatically and he began to sob. Steve couldn't believe what he was seeing and he slid forward reflexively. "Bucky… it's okay," Steve said through his own tears and reached out to lay his hand on Bucky's right shoulder.
As the Soldier sat in front of him crying, Steve watched as he brought his hands up in front of him and hooked his two index fingers together; right over left and then he flipped them left over right.
Steve shook his head not understanding as he and the Soldier sat face to face with tears streaming down their faces. "I'm sorry… I don't know what that means."
Standing behind him, Natasha couldn't hold back her own tears as she watched the Soldier sign to Steve. One of the thirty languages the operatives were taught wasn't a verbal language. "It means… "friend", she told him.
Steve had to steel himself against a rush of emotion and nodded at Soldat as he squeezed his shoulder, much the same way Bucky had done to him decades ago.
When Steve's mom died and he'd declined Bucky's offer of help because, he had said, he could get by on his own. Bucky had squeezed his shoulder in the same way and told Steve he didn't have to get by on his own, "because I'm with you 'til the end of the line", Bucky had told him.
It took Steve a moment to get his emotions under control and he nodded again, hooked his fingers together and told Soldat, "Yes… I'm your friend."
Soldat burst into tears and Steve reached out to him again. He put his hand on Bucky's shoulder and pulled him forward. As Barnes… or Soldat… whichever one was sitting in front of him, leaned toward him, Steve wrapped his hand around the back of Bucky's head and pulled him to his chest. He buried his face in the Soldier's hair and cried. Steve could feel his friend clutching at him. He was still sitting in a tight ball with his hands crushed between them, but Steve could feel Bucky's fingers curling into his shirt. Steve tightened his embrace as if he couldn't hold Bucky close enough to him.
Natasha knelt down behind Steve, laying one hand on his back and the other on the Soldier's back. This was a huge breakthrough, but she wasn't sure who Steve was actually embracing and she didn't think at this point that it really mattered.
Dr. Golden came through the doors in time to see Natasha disappear behind the ring platform. Tony had called her on his earwig and informed her of the goings on. He then told her she should probably be here as Steve was trying to get through to the Soldier. She stepped up between Nick and Sam and was stopped short when she saw the Soldier wrapped in the arms of Captain Rogers. She could tell that something major had happened and there were a lot of pent up emotions flowing at the moment.
Nobody spoke for a long time; not wanting to interrupt what was happening in front of them. Nobody knew exactly what was happening but it certainly felt significant. It was a good ten minutes later when Steve caught his breath and wiped his eyes with the back of his free hand. His other arm was still wrapped around Bucky and unwilling to let go. He turned his face to Natasha who was now kneeling beside him and he smiled through his tears. He had stopped actively crying but the tears still rolled down his cheeks as he looked at her.
Natasha smiled back at him and leaned forward to press her forehead to his. Steve wiped away the rogue tears and dropped his arm around Barnes again. "I… I think… we… have him," Steve stammered as his voice hitched with emotion.
"If it's not him," Natasha told him quietly, "we're close. We're real close."
So much was happening right in front of him that Steve hadn't been aware of the other team members entering the gym. He hadn't heard Tony call for Emily and he hadn't known when Dr. Golden actually entered the room. When he looked over his shoulder, Steve was surprised to see the entire team there.
The door to the gym opened again and Bruce entered, carrying a blanket and looking concerned. He made his way through the obstacles and right over to the group kneeling on the floor. He flipped open the blanket and draped it around the Soldier's back. He squatted down beside them and put his hand on the side of the Soldier's head in an attempt to get him to raise his head so he could look at him.
Steve looked at Bruce and shook his head. "Give us a minute," he requested then rubbed his hand up and down Bucky's back and rocked back and forth in a soothing motion.
A moment later, Soldat lifted his head and slowly sat back to look at Steve. He swallowed and licked his lips as he took in the sight of the blonde man's face. His cheeks were flushed pink and his eyes were reddened. It was clear that his handler… no, his friend… had cried along with him.
Steve looked at Barnes and reached out to rest his hand on Bucky's jaw. His thumb swept across Bucky's face wiping away the wetness from his tears. Soldat stared at him, feeling the touch of Steve's hand and it didn't hurt. His touch didn't cause pain. He tilted his face into Steve's hand as if craving the painless touch.
Steve left his hand in place as Soldat pressed into it. As he cradled Bucky's face, Steve could feel how drained he was. He could absolutely relate to him in the moment because Steve felt just as drained. It'd been a long time since he allowed himself a good cry… and boy, he felt completely wrung out. He looked at Bruce and nodded, signaling him that he was ready to stand up.
Bruce got to his feet, keeping his hand on the Soldier's metal arm. Natasha stood up and stepped back as Sam moved in to help Bruce lift the Soldier to his feet. Steve helped guide him to his feet from his position and once Sam and Bruce were supporting Barnes, Steve was able to stand up.
Natasha came over and wrapped her arms around Steve's waist. Bruce and Sam moved out slowly, guiding Barnes toward the door as Natasha offered her support to Steve. Nick and the others stepped out of the way as they approached and Clint went to kick the two doors open, putting down a door stopper on one of them while he held the other open.
Halfway to the door, Barnes lifted his head and looked at Sam and then Bruce. He glanced around in front of him and didn't see Steve. He twisted his neck to look over his shoulder, and hesitated in step, which caused his two escorts to stop. Steve noticed the group pause and excused himself from Nat's hug. He walked quickly past Nick's group and came up to Bruce. The worried expression on Bucky's face disappeared as soon as he saw him and Steve gave him a small smile.
"I'll take him, Bruce," he said, and squeezed into his space as politely as he could but basically pushing Bruce aside so he could support Barnes on the walk back to his room. Sam remained on his right side and offered Steve a nod once he was in place and they continued out of the gym.
When they reached the Soldier's room, Steve and Sam escorted him to the bed. Steve gave Sam a nod and Wilson let go and stepped back. Steve gently turned his friend around and was about to help him up onto the mattress when Barnes bolted. Sam backpedaled to block the doorway, but instead of running for the door Barnes ran to the corner and huddled down there. He took the same position he'd taken in the gym, making himself small and unassuming.
Steve had reached for him when he suddenly broke away but missed. Even off balance and in a weakened state he was still very quick. Cap relaxed his stance when he saw Bucky curl up in the corner instead of fighting Sam to escape. He moved toward Barnes again, echoing his moves in the gym. He got down low and spoke softly to him. Steve slid across the tile floor on one knee as he closed the distance. He still had no idea which soldier he was dealing with, but he prayed some part of him was James Buchanan… and if it was, he hoped Bucky knew he was there with him.
Just as Steve thought that last, the soldier's right hand shot out and grabbed the front of Steve's shirt. His forehead was still resting on his knees and he leaned his left side heavily against the corner. He pulled Steve off balance as he reeled him in. Steve watched the man closely, unsure of what he was doing or planning. He was pulled so close to Barnes that they were nearly cheek to cheek when Steve saw the soldier's eye open and look at him. He was asking… pleading…
When he got Steve close enough, he let go of the front of his shirt and wrapped his arm around his neck. Sam saw the move and reacted to what he thought was going to be a choke hold on Cap. Steve heard Sam coming to defend and put his hand up behind him blindly to tell him to stop. He wasn't being hurt.
The way the soldier's hand grappled for him gave Steve the impression he was simply needing him… wanting him close. With Bucky's arm still wrapped around his neck, Steve shifted his position and pulled the arm off his neck. As he tucked the soldier's arm in against his chest, Steve curled up against Barnes and wrapped around him again. "I gotcha, buddy," he said, hoping to soothe his friend's fears.
The two men were practically in the same position against each other and Steve's weight pressed Barnes into the corner. As soon as he got himself into position as if shielding Bucky, Barnes began to rock back and forth. Steve's embrace was light enough to allow the self-soothing motion but still strong enough to lend comfort and a sense of safety.
Steve looked over his shoulder to see Sam standing there still ready for anything. The two friends looked at each other and Steve made a request. "Get Dr. Golden."
Sam nodded, hesitated only a second and then left the room. He could have called her on their earwig devices, but Sam Wilson didn't need a brick tossed at his head to get a hint; Cap just wanted a few minutes alone with his best friend. He knew now, that the way Barnes had grabbed him and pulled him in; it was as if he wanted Steve to shield him from the world. Steve knew Bucky was right there… just under the surface and trying to hold on.