Avengers: Search for the Winter Soldier

Ch. 46

Title: Soup for You

Summary: Sam and Nat return to the soldier's room in time to rescue Barnes from Steve's attempt to feed him soup prepared specifically for him. Still suffering from dysphagia and motor disabilities, Bucky shows the team members he's still willing to fight for his autonomy.

Bruce returned to the Soldier's room forty minutes after he'd left to make Barnes a meal. He walked in carrying a tray on which were set a bowl and spoon along with a clear plastic cup containing an orange liquid.

Steve looked up at him as he set the tray down on the table beside him then inspected the contents of the bowl; he raised his eyebrows and grinned then looked at Bruce.

"It's nothing outrageous," Bruce assured him.

"It looks good," Steve told him and inhaled the steam, "- smells delicious too. What is it?"

"It's Irish Creamed-Cauliflower Soup," Bruce told him. "It's pureed to a thickness he should be able to swallow safely without the danger of aspirating it. Dysphagia often requires a lot of concentration to get all the correct systems to move properly. If he needs to breathe before being able to swallow, it should be thick enough to allow him to inhale without it ending up lodged in his airway. Normally I wouldn't give anything by mouth if a patient can't swallow at all, but he can; it's just taking him extra time to coordinate that action."

Steve smiled thoughtfully and nodded. "Bucky loves cauliflower… soup or otherwise."

"Yeah?" Bruce asked and Steve nodded. "Good. That's an extra benefit then."

"What's in it, Bruce?" Steve asked.

"Cauliflower, potato, onion, leeks, chicken broth and sharp Irish cheese," Bruce replied, listing all the ingredients. "Try it."

"No heavy cream to get that consistency? My mom used to use a heavy cream to get soup to thicken," Steve recalled, dipping the tip of the spoon in, he tasted it and his eyes lit up. "Wow, that's delicious. Did you make enough for everyone?" he asked, smiling.

"I did, actually," Bruce told him. "I didn't need cream. These ingredients puree really well without the heavy cream. Plus, I don't want too much dairy in his system. It might upset his stomach," Bruce explained. "The cheese helps give it a little more flavor, but I didn't use a lot of that either."

Barnes began to stir from sleep as the smell of the heated soup infiltrated his senses. He raised his head and opened his eyes. He stared straight ahead for a moment in order to get his bearings and then jerked his head around to look at Steve.

"Hey, buddy, how are you feeling?" Steve asked, wiping the spoon with a napkin. Bucky's right hand twisted around as before, attempting to give Steve a thumbs up sign and Rogers smiled. "Dr. Banner made you some soup. Are you hungry?"

Bucky nodded. He was actually famished but he couldn't tell them that. It felt like his stomach was gripping his spine and was nearly nauseated by the hunger he felt. The constant muscle movements were burning more calories than if he were simply sitting still.

Steve turned to pick up the bowl. "I'm not really practiced at this part, so if I spill any on you I apologize right now," he told his friend with an apologetic grin before he even began.

"Let me get him something to use as a bib," Bruce said quickly and opened the cabinet behind the bed. He chose a thick terry cloth pad that had enough weight to it so it would stay in place across his chest and not slide down as a regular towel would. He draped it across Barnes' chest and it seemed to adhere to his skin. "That ought to protect you from fumble-fingers here," he told Bucky and made him flash a smile.

As Steve stirred the soup, the steam billowed up from the bowl. He lifted a spoonful and touched it to his own lip to test the heat of it before offering it to Bucky as he would have difficulty expelling it if it were to burn his tongue. As Bucky watched Steve testing its temperature, his stomach let out a loud growl and Steve looked at him in surprise. Even Dr. Banner turned at the foot of the bed when he heard the sound.

"Geez, buddy… you really are hungry," Steve realized. Bucky nodded, staring at the spoon. "Here you go."

Barnes tracked the spoon with his eyes until it got too close for him to focus on. He raised his eyes to look at Steve and opened his mouth, waiting to feel it touch his lips. As soon as the spoon touched his mouth, it triggered his reflex to close but the spoon wasn't completely in his mouth. He got enough to taste it and his eyes widened as he tried to suck the gruel from the spoon. When he opened his mouth to breathe Steve pulled it away to give him time to swallow what he'd taken in. Bucky panted for air as that action alone was exhaustive. As Banner had hoped, the food stuck to his lips and tongue as he breathed in and out before closing his mouth to swallow it.

As soon as he completed the action of swallowing Steve scraped the edge of the spoon across Bucky's lips to clean up excess he'd missed getting into his mouth. As the spoon touched his lips Bucky opened and Steve gave him that bit to let him work on that while he scooped more out of the bowl. He picked up just enough to fill the front half of the spoon to make it easier for Bucky to take without causing a mess and he wouldn't have to push the entire bowl of the spoon into his mouth for him to get it.

As Steve brought the spoon closer, he almost had it in Bucky's mouth when a sudden muscle spasm pulled his head away. Steve almost pushed the spoon into Bucky's cheek. He held the spoon steady and waited for his friend to pull his head around again.

"If you keep waiting for the perfect moment, he'll never get his fill," Natasha spoke from behind Steve.

He turned as she entered the room with Sam behind her. "You think you can do better?" he asked with a grin.

"I don't know," Natasha answered as she took the bowl and spoon from Steve's hands and sat on the edge of the bed in front of him facing Barnes. "Let's see how we manage," she said, seemingly to Barnes. Bucky looked at her, his eyes scanning her from hips to head. She figured he was probably wondering who she was, but he was hungry and just wanted food at the moment.

Steve watched as she dipped the spoon into the soup and brought it up straight to Bucky's mouth. She paused there a moment as she waited for him to open and as soon as he did she put it in his mouth, laying the spoon gently on his tongue triggering his reflex to close. She slid the spoon out between his lips and he swallowed.

"This smells good," she said. "What kind is it?" she asked.

"Cauliflower," Steve told her. "Bruce made it."

"No kidding," she replied in awe of Banner's culinary talents.

She brought the spoon up to Bucky's face and a spasm turned his head slightly away from her. Nat simply followed the motion and gave him the spoon without waiting for him to turn back. He took her offering but had a little trouble coordinating his muscles to swallow it. She waited for him with another spoonful at the ready. He pulled in a deep breath through his nose as he concentrated on trying to swallow.

Steve watched him with a pained expression but relaxed again when he saw Bucky's throat bob as he successfully swallowed. As soon as he opened his mouth to breathe, Natasha put another spoonful there. He looked at her and she smiled at him.

Sam sat in his chair silently watching as Natasha spoon fed Barnes. He smiled softly as she took care of the soldier's needs, keeping her personal emotions in check as she tended to what he required from her. Their talk had been short but meaningful and Natasha had shared the details of her past personal relationship with the Soldier – with James. Sam understood now the depth of their connection, even though Sgt. Barnes most likely didn't retain those memories. They were able to discuss the situation and he helped to soothe Nat's grief and upset to a manageable level. He was extremely proud of her and how smoothly she was able to join in on the proceedings and take control of the situation on his behalf. Sam could see her affection for James in how she cared for him; despite his not knowing her at the moment.

"Do you want something to drink?" she asked him after he'd successfully taken in a dozen or so spoonfuls. He nodded.

Steve reached for the clear cup and held it out to her as she switched out the bowl for the cup. Steve was glad to see the bowl was nearly half empty now.

Natasha took the cup and looked at the orange liquid. She sniffed at it and picked up the tangy orange fragrance but when she swirled it in the cup the liquid didn't move properly.

"What is this?" she asked Bruce. "Is this Gator-Ade?"

"Yeah," he replied.

"Why does it look funny?" she asked and Steve leaned forward to look into the cup as she swirled it around again.

"I added a thickening agent to it, to help him swallow it," Bruce explained. "It increases the viscosity of the liquid without changing the actual properties of it. It still tastes like Gator-Ade, just thickened," he told them then gestured toward the tray table. "Use the straw. It'll be easier to control."

Steve picked up the straw and set it in the cup. Natasha nodded and moved it toward Barnes, holding the straw between her fingers to keep it steady for him. His shoulders jerked sharply and his head fell backward. He was trying to bring it forward again, but Nat didn't hesitate to help him. She snaked her hand behind his head and pulled it forward, holding him there as she set the straw against his lips. She watched closely to be sure he didn't take in too much at once and wind up flooding his mouth with the substance. She watched him pull on the straw and allowed him just enough to have to swallow. Once he did, she gave him the straw again and he repeated the action. He took in three swallows of the liquid before his face scrunched up as if he didn't like the taste and just realized it.

Natasha smiled at him and handed the cup to Steve, keeping her hand out to take back the bowl. "More soup?" she asked him and Barnes nodded.

As she was feeding him, Bucky's hand came up and seemed to be trying to grasp the spoon. He tried to follow it as she moved it to the bowl and back to his mouth. At one point, his hand bumped hers, nearly grabbing the spoon. Steve smiled to see how hard Bucky was working to get his hand to move where he wanted it. When he bumped her hand though, Nat pushed the spoon into his mouth and grabbed his hand with her free one. He tried to pull it away from her restraint but she held onto it and smiled at him.

"Not yet, sweetie," she told him. "I'm sure you'll be able to feed yourself soon enough, but it's your first day… be patient," she told him.

Bucky stared at her mouth as she spoke to him. His brow furrowed slightly as an echo of her voice or the movement of her lips caused a fragment of memory to flash in his head.

Steve and Sam watched as she tended to Barnes and smiled at each other. They'd never seen this side of her before; she was soft and tender and patient with him. Steve thought to himself that she would have made a wonderful mother.

When the bowl was nearly empty, Natasha noticed he wasn't as quick to open his mouth and no longer frantic for it. She gave him a spoonful and then waited.

"All done?" she asked, after he'd swallowed. He pulled his eyes around to find her and he blinked at her. "Did you have enough?" she asked him and he nodded. "Do you want more Gator-Ade?" she asked and he looked confused. Steve handed her the cup and the sight of it jarred his memory of it. Barnes swung his head left then right before smacking his lips. She held the straw in front of him and he turned away from it.

"Here," Steve mentioned, "try this." He picked up the wash cloth and a fresh bottle of water. Natasha watched as he poured the water on the cloth and then tapped Bucky's arm to get his attention.

Barnes jerked and turned his head searching for Steve and felt the cool wet cloth against his lips. He leaned into it and clamped down on it, suckling the refreshing water. He let it go and waited. He was so thirsty and it was frustrating to know why he couldn't just guzzle a bottle of water. He groaned with that thought; it felt like torture – to be so thirsty and only able to take in a tiny sip at a time. They were doing the best they could for him and he knew that, but knowing that didn't ease his discomfort. He dropped his head forward feeling like he wanted to cry, but then Steve was pushing the saturated cloth against his mouth and he opened for it.

Steve felt the desperation in Bucky's actions as he clamped onto the cloth and heard a sound like a whimper. He stood from the chair and twisted around to sit on the bed next to Barnes. He leaned Bucky to the left so he could get situated beside him and then gently guided his friend back to lean against him. Steve wrapped his left arm around Bucky's shoulder and held the cloth in front of him. His right hand came up to pour the water and Bucky opened his mouth.

Steve carefully placed the edge of the folded cloth between his lips and as Bucky sucked the water from it, Steve simply poured more onto the cloth near Bucky's mouth. He allowed him the opportunity to drink faster to try to slake his thirst and Barnes took that offering with as much gusto as he could manage.

"Careful, Steve," Bruce cautioned as he supervised and Steve nodded.

When Barnes finally leaned back against him feeling satisfied, Steve stopped pouring and removed the cloth. "Better?" Steve asked and Bucky nodded, turning his head as best he could to lay his cheek against Steve's chest. Steve looked at Nat and gestured for her to take the cloth from his hand, which she did. Then he pressed his hand to the side of Bucky's head to hold him against his chest.

Almost immediately everyone noticed that the spasms and painful jerking motions Barnes couldn't control eased until he was resting comfortably against Steve.

"Do you see that?" Sam asked, keeping his voice quiet. Natasha nodded as she watched how Steve's embrace eased Barnes' symptoms.

Bruce turned to see to what he was referring. "That happened earlier too," he told them. "I think he's focusing so much on the sense of comfort Steve's physical contact gives him … it's as if his brain functions literally relax."

Steve smiled softly at the thought and wrapped his right arm around Bucky's torso to embrace him as his left hand gently held his head still against him; his fingers moved gently to smooth down the long hair.

He was no longer hungry or thirsty; he was warm and dry and surrounded by people intent on taking care of him instead of hurting him. Bucky's eyes closed again and he leaned heavily against Steve.

"Did he just fall asleep?" Steve asked the others who could actually see Bucky's face. Natasha nodded. He looked to Sam for confirmation and he nodded too. "Bruce?" Steve said to get his attention. "He just woke up to eat and he's asleep again? Is there something wrong we need to be concerned with? The weight of him against me… it feels like he's out cold."

Bruce closed his laptop and turned to consider his patient and Steve's question. "Remember when Dr. Golden was explaining some of the side effects we're going to have to deal with? She mentioned that he's going to have issues pertaining to sleep. He's either going to sleep a lot or not at all. She said he might have issues with falling asleep or staying asleep… or he might have issues with staying awake. It's his first day, Steve. He literally just broke through the Winter Soldier programming hours ago. We need to be patient with him and his needs."

"I am patient," Steve assured him, "I'm just… worried."

"Try not to worry too much. Remember, his brain isn't functioning in a normal manner. It's trying to heal itself and find a new way to function as it heals. All of this, I'm sure, is overwhelming for him. It's going to take a toll on him. As far as we know, he hasn't been in full control of himself for half a century. He may not fully believe what he's experiencing right now is even real. Your presence – your physical presence – seems to have a medicating effect on him. Enjoy it, Steve. You both deserve this time together."

Steve smiled as his fears were put to rest. He leaned his head back against the raised bed and closed his eyes. "Wake me for dinner," he said, still smiling. Sam and Natasha laughed lightly.

Natasha carefully eased herself off the bed to give Steve space to stretch out his legs. She took over his chair and stayed in case he needed anything. She stared at Barnes' face, allowing herself to enjoy the memories of her time with him. Sam had mentioned to her, and he was right; to keep her happy memories close and be thankful that she had known and experienced something with her James that most people would not experience their entire lives - true love. She would hold onto those and move forward as she always had. He was alive and he was safe and that was all that mattered now. If he one day got those memories back then she would be able to share them with him, until then she could be happy knowing he was safe and finally free of Hydra's control. She shifted her gaze to see Sam smiling at her and she smiled back.