Avengers: Search for the Winter Soldier
Chapter 48:
All the Little Victories
Summary: Barnes wakens the next morning, still feeling the heavy effects of the sedative, he gives Steve a startling wake-up and another small victory is gained during their walk around the grounds.
Notes: This chapter is dedicated to Callista_Lilith_Black... you asked for him, you got him.
After breakfast, Emily went to her office and closed the door. She'd given Steve's request to return to the files a lot of consideration the night before. After finding Captain Rogers and Natasha asleep she'd returned to her office to sit with her thoughts. She'd promised Steve early on that she wouldn't withhold any information from him regarding to the files and she had almost broken that promise last night.
Now she sat alone with the file folder spread out on her desk. Her eyes roamed over the contents as she considered the information held within the pages and considered how, even with all that he'd read so far, he'd barely scratched the surface of the atrocities committed against Sgt. Barnes. She had promised him though; she would not remove any of the pages or omit any information and as much as she worried for his mental and emotional health, she had promised. If she were to break that promise she risked breaking the trust she'd built with him.
She'd spoken with Director Fury at length prior to taking on this assignment and learned upon questioning Nick, that Steve Rogers had never been given a full psychological evaluation or even any type of psychological guidance after he emerged from the ice nearly seventy years after having crashed the plane in 1945. A plane filled with explosives, which he chose to put down in the ocean mere weeks after the loss of his best friend. She knew that Captain Rogers had the option to use a parachute to jump clear of the war plane before putting it down, but didn't. Instead, he chose to go down with the plane and Emily believed he'd made that choice because living without his best friend by his side was far too grievous a thought. Steve Rogers consciously chose death rather than living with the guilt he put on himself for not being able to save Barnes.
Dr. Golden had to consider if Captain Rogers had made that choice because his grief over the loss of Barnes was so immense he couldn't see beyond it. The few conversations she'd been able to have with him made it very clear to her just how deeply attached to Barnes he'd always been. The details Steve had shared with her, regarding this deep attachment he and James had shared since early childhood, and his feelings of anger and grief over everything that had happened to Sgt. Barnes since 1945, revealed some very worrisome details.
Captain Rogers' emotional and psychological needs had been overlooked at a time when he desperately required crucial, therapeutic guidance. She believed his protective instincts had been triggered the day he'd realized that Barnes had survived that fall and had spent decades being brutalized by madmen while Steve slept in the ice.
She'd known without a doubt that Steve Rogers was going to be the biggest asset on this team as they tried get through the Winter Soldier programming in order to connect with James Barnes. That belief had been proven correct the day Barnes was finally able to break through the decades of brainwashing and memory wipes to immediately recognize Steve standing in front of him.
They still had a long way to go and Barnes was showing improvements here and there. They were small victories but victories nonetheless and where the others might see only deficits, she had to remind them just how hard James was fighting to retain control and regain his life.
Emily realized that she might not be able to deter Captain Rogers much longer in regard to reading the remaining files, but she had other information to offer that was more important to their work present day. She still needed to reveal the outcome of the evaluations she'd conducted on both Soldat and the Soldier. The test results were more crucial to his current overall well-being than the information about what had been done to him decades ago. She would allow Steve and Natasha to peruse the files when they felt it was important to do so, but they needed to know that she had information which was more pertinent to their work with Sgt. Barnes and would be needed in the weeks and months to come. They hadn't yet seen the true injuries; mentally or physically, done to Sgt. Barnes.
Now that he had emerged, the team would find themselves dealing with the multiple aspects of three personalities trying to exist in a single body. The goal now wasn't to eradicate the Soldier or Soldat from Barnes, as she knew that most likely would be an impossible endeavor. Her focus would be to try to get the three versions of Barnes; the Winter Soldier and Soldat, to integrate and learn how to live and work together. She hoped that in time, the psychological walls that had been erected by Hydra to keep them separated could be torn down and perhaps, the three of them could learn to trust and lean on one other for their mutual survival.
Emily finished making her notes of record and closed her laptop. Opening the bottom right drawer of her desk she took out the files she'd removed the night before, placing them back in the folder and setting it in the drawer. The next time Steve sat down to read them, they would indeed be completely intact as promised. Locking the drawer and pocketing the key Emily stood up and headed out to find the team.
When she stepped off the elevator she was immediately aware of the various conversations taking place inside the common room. As she stepped across the threshold she paused long enough to look around and get her bearings.
Tony, Vision and Wanda were having breakfast together to her left. Clint and Sam were sitting with Steve and Natasha near the large windows to the right. She walked over to the group and Sam was the first to see her approaching. He sat up straight and turned his attention toward her, causing the discussion to halt.
"Good morning, Doctor," he greeted with a smile.
"Good morning, Mr. Wilson," she returned politely.
"Doctor," Steve smiled as he stood up.
"Captain," she acknowledged with a nod as he stepped around behind her to pull the chair out for her. "Thank you," she said and sat down. As Steve returned to his seat to her left she decided to get straight to the point. "I'm aware that you want to continue with the Soldier's project files," she began and Steve nodded. "There's something I'd like to go over with you before you do that, if you don't mind."
"Okay," Steve replied amiably. "What is it?"
"As you know, I put both the Soldier and Soldat through a lengthy evaluation process to try to gain insight into what and how they each think and why they behave the way they do so we know, or have a better idea, of what we're truly dealing with -."
"Yes," Steve told her.
"I'd like to go over the results of those tests with the team so we're all on the same page and so there are no surprises for any of us as we move forward."
"Okay," Steve replied, glancing around the table to see the other team members nodding in agreement.
"Now that Sgt. Barnes has been able to gain back some control, I'd like a chance to evaluate him as well, but it'll be some time before I can do that. In the meantime, I'd like to go over the MMPI evaluation results with you that I have on the other two. Today, if there's a time in which we can all get together."
"Sure," Steve agreed. "I'm going to bring a breakfast tray down for Bucky and Bruce when I'm finished here. I'd like an hour or so to spend with him after he wakes, but after that I'm good to go."
Emily smiled at him. "That sounds wonderful. I have a couple of things to do, but will pop in to observe his mental state and physical condition. How about we plan to get together after lunch? One o'clock?"
Steve looked around the table and everyone was nodding. He looked back at Dr. Golden. "One o'clock it is."
Steve entered Bucky's room carrying the breakfast tray loaded down for both men. The smell of hot food made Bruce look up with a smile.
"Thanks, Steve. I could have gotten my own though," he told him.
"It's the least I can do for you – taking such good care of Bucky."
Bruce smiled at him and looked over his shoulder to see his patient still asleep. "It's been an experience, for sure. He's not out of the woods yet, though. You do realize that, right?"
Steve set the tray down and looked at Bruce with a concerned expression. "Well, I know he has some physical issues we have to deal with… and he's going to need a lot of help emotionally and psychologically -."
"Yes, those are definitely our three main areas of concern," Bruce confirmed as he moved his doctor's bag off the desk and placed it on the floor as Steve brought over his plate and drinks.
Bruce prepared his coffee and took a sip as he watched Steve take the lids off a bowl and juice container before taking a seat in the chair beside Barnes. He studied his friend's face for a few moments then asked, "Does he look pale to you?"
Bruce took a bite and looked over. He nodded and swallowed before answering. "Yeah, well… his body is going through a lot of changes… a lot of healing and adjusting going on. Some bodily functions are abnormally low and others are high or fluctuate back and forth. It's a lot to go through."
Steve reached out to lay his hand on Bucky's forearm and frowned. He leaned forward to rest the back of his hand on his friend's cheek. "He's hot," he informed Dr. Banner.
"His temperature has been swinging back and forth since I got here around 6 a.m." Bruce told him. He tapped a key on his laptop to bring up the most recent notes he'd entered. "It's been changing almost fluidly from 97.4 degrees up to 101.8… at least that's the highest I've encountered since I've been here."
Steve sat back in his chair letting his eyes take in the ghostly pallor and the dark shadows around his eyes. He waited for Barnes to awaken with his hand resting on Bucky's wrist.
A few minutes later Bucky's head fell forward and his brow furrowed. Clearly he was beginning to waken and didn't appear too pleased about it. His head now hung down, causing his long hair to fall across his face with the motion. Steve watched through the curtain of hair as his expression changed from a frown to a grimace and his head lolled to one side.
"Hey, buddy," Steve said softly, trying to guide Barnes gently out of his deep sleep. "I brought you breakfast. Are you hungry?" he asked, reaching up to sweep the hair off his face, tucking it behind his ear. Barnes tilted his head away and raised his shoulder as if trying to ward off the hand that was touching him.
Steve noticed as Bucky was waking up, his body wasn't twitching with spasms as it had the day before. He laid his hand on Bucky's right shoulder and the touch caused an immediate reaction as he tried to shrug it off. "You're okay, Buck," Steve began, and then Bucky's right arm came up and around, effectively breaking Steve's grip on his shoulder. Steve moved back to keep his distance until Barnes could get his bearings.
He wasn't pleased about the sensations he was experiencing, but he was no stranger to discomfort. He had a massive headache that made his eyeballs hurt and his temples and ears throbbed with pulsating pain making it extremely difficult to concentrate. When he tried to pry his eyelids open, the bright lights sent a stabbing pain through his eyes into the center of his brain. He tried to get his eyes open and to remain open, but that wasn't working quite yet.
The sounds in the room irritated his headache and it took a few moments for him to realize the loud noises were just voices - people talking close by. He tried to focus on the voices and slowly came to recognize the voice of Rodzhers. An image of the man formed behind his closed eyes and immediately morphed into the small, light-haired boy. He groaned in exasperation, confused because he kept seeing this man in other forms.
Steve and Bruce watched as he slowly shook off the vestiges of his deep sleep. It appeared to both men that Barnes was still greatly affected by the heavy sedation from the night before. He squeezed his eyes tight and when he relaxed them he forced his eyelids open but couldn't keep them open. Steve spoke to him to try to guide him but it didn't appear to have any effect. He wasn't acknowledging Steve at all and seemed to be struggling to shake off the sedative. Steve reached out to check his temperature, but when his hand made contact with Bucky's face, Barnes grunted forcefully and struck out with his right hand.
"Take it easy, Buck," Steve said, trying to ease his friend's mind.
"Ne trogay menya!" Barnes growled angrily. ~"Don't touch me!"~
Steve blinked and exchanged a surprised look with Dr. Banner. "The Soldier?" Steve asked, bewildered. Movement behind him caused Steve to look over his shoulder, just as Natasha walked into the room.
"To, chto ty sdelal diya menya?" he asked, his words slurred but he was clearly angry.
"Uh oh," Natasha commented as she stopped beside Steve. "I'm guessing that's not Sgt. Barnes speaking Russian," she offered her observation.
"It doesn't sound like Bucky's voice," Steve agreed. "What did he say?"
"He asked 'what did you do to me?'" Natasha translated for them then turned her attention to the man on the bed. "You needed to be sedated for a procedure last night," she told him. "You're feeling the effects from the sedative, that's all."
"Chto za protsedura?" he asked, still trying to pry his eyes open and failing to keep them open.
"It was a harmless procedure," she told him. "We did nothing to harm you." The Soldier breathed out a dark laugh, scoffing her attempts to assure him. He did not believe her. "Govorit' na angliyskom," ~Speak English~, she requested, but realized he may not have his full wits about him to think - much less have a verbal exchange - in a second language.
"Ostav' menya v pokoye," he said with a snarl.
Natasha smiled sympathetically at him as he struggled to regain control. His present condition made him vulnerable and she knew personally that the reality of being at the mercy of others was a difficult situation for operatives to accept. "Izvinite, my ne budem etogo delat," she told him and he forced out a breath and raised his head only to have it drop back heavily against the raised bed. Steve looked up at her with a curious expression. "He told us to leave him alone," she explained. "I told him 'sorry, we're not going to do that'." Steve nodded, now understanding the Soldier's exasperation.
"He was sedated on an empty stomach and that was—," Bruce told them, pausing to look at the clock over the bed, "nearly twelve hours ago. That may be the reason he's having difficulty throwing off the effects of sedation," he explained. "See if he'll eat something."
Steve nodded and picked up the bowl of oatmeal he'd made for Bucky. He was pretty certain that with Bucky's difficulty with swallowing he may do better with a thick porridge type meal rather than sausage and eggs. He held the bowl in front of the Soldier who stared at it through heavy eyelids.
Natasha watched him as they waited for him to take the bowl, but he didn't. Instead he closed his eyes again as his head still throbbed in pain. So she reached for it and Steve let her take it. Natasha sat down on the edge of the bed, much the same way she'd done when she was feeding Barnes the night before. The Soldier felt the mattress compress under her weight and he opened his eyes to see what she was doing. She scooped out a spoonful of the gruel and held it between them. He stared at it and then raised his gaze to her.
"Do you want it or not?" she asked him. She wasn't gentle in her tone any more than she was gentle with her actions when it came to interacting with the Winter Soldier. He would never accept such treatment, she knew. He would see any tender gesture as an attempt to make him look weak and that would only make him more difficult to deal with. He took a deep breath and nodded so she brought the spoon closer to his mouth. He didn't open for it though, instead he looked at it and then at her again. "Do you want me to feed you or can you do it yourself?" she asked. He reached for the spoon slowly and Natasha could tell he was feeling sluggish and weak and doing his best to not let them know that. She said nothing about his condition, choosing instead to just put it in his hand. He brought it to his mouth carefully and took the first spoonful, closing his eyes as he chewed it slowly before swallowing. Natasha held the bowl for him and waited patiently. He opened his eyes and looked at her and then down at the bowl. He hesitated before putting the spoon into its contents; struggling a little as he tried to scoop out more. "You can take the bowl or I can hold it for you. Whatever you like," she told him.
It was obvious that he was still out of sorts and trying to get his bearings. He let go of the spoon and took the bowl from her. He briefly thought that he could use it as a weapon, but he didn't really feel up to finishing any fight he might start. Natasha tilted her head and grinned knowingly at him. The Soldier looked at her. She knew what he was thinking and he knew she knew what he was thinking.
Instead of starting a fight he couldn't finish, he settled it in his right hand and used his left to pick up the spoon again. He ate slowly and the more filled his stomach became the better he began to feel. The headache vanished and he felt more alert. They waited for him to finish then Steve offered him the juice cup. The Soldier stared at it for a few seconds remembering the last time he had one. He'd reacted harshly to the female doctor who attempted to assist him. He glanced around the room but didn't see the blonde woman.
"Do you want this?" Steve asked him.
The Soldier looked back at him and nodded. Steve held it out for him to take as he took the empty bowl from his hand. The Soldier downed the juice in a single swallow then glanced at the tray.
"You want another?" Natasha asked and the Soldier simply looked at her. She knew he wouldn't answer, but she also knew he did want another. She turned to look at Bruce's tray on his desk. "Can he -?" she asked, indicating the unopened juice cup on Banner's tray.
"Sure," Bruce said, handing her the cup.
The Soldier watched everyone closely, never missing a thing. He stared at Banner as he handed the Widow the cup from his own tray. Bruce flashed him an amiable grin. The Soldier didn't react but was curious about that action. Why would someone give up pieces of their own meal for someone else? Natasha peeled off the cover and handed the cup to the Soldier. He was still staring at Bruce and she could see his mind trying to work out the action of sharing. She smiled softly; knowing he had a long way to go before he'd understand these actions which were considered normal human interaction.
"Here you go," she said to get his attention off of Bruce. He took the cup from her hand and drank half of it. He allowed himself the time to let his tongue actually pick up the smooth flavor and his nose to pick up the tangy fragrance of apples. He looked at the Widow who was patiently waiting for him to finish so he slugged back the last of it and she took the cup from his hand.
His gaze followed the cup as she handed it to Rodzhers, but as the blond man set the cup on the tray the Soldier stared at his face. When Steve turned back around he stilled to see the Soldier studying him. Steve noted that although the Soldier wore a serious expression, he didn't appear to be angry. He seemed to be more contemplative at this point than anything else and Steve wondered if Bucky's emergence had something to do with the Soldier's more mild behavior or if he was simply getting used to them.
Steve considered the man looking at him and came to a decision. "Do you want to get out of this room?" he asked. The Soldier furrowed his brow not understanding what Rodzhers was asking. "We can go for a walk if you're feeling up to it."
Natasha looked from the Soldier to Steve. "Steve, I don't –," she began.
"I think it'll be all right, Nat," he told her, keeping his eyes on the Soldier. The Soldier held his gaze as the two discussed Rodzhers' plans. The blond man seemed to be gauging any response he might make and then directed his next question to him. "You're not going to give me a problem, are you?" he asked, but the Soldier didn't reply, he simply stared back. Steve waited for an answer and when one wasn't forthcoming he nodded. "It'll be all right, Nat. I think he and I need to spend a little time together… one on one." Steve raised his eyebrows as he continued, directing his words to the Soldier, "Right? Spend a little time together… me and you… maybe we can start to understand each other a little better… could be the start of a beautiful friendship."
Natasha watched the Soldier as he kept his eyes glued to Steve. The Soldier didn't seem to have any idea to what Rodzhers was referring. The fleeting images of this man that seemed to span years, if not decades, did appear to show him that he had shared a cordial relationship with Rodzhers at some point in his life, but one he couldn't remember and had no idea how to give it re-birth. Re-birth? That term was familiar to him but, like many other things that surrounded him, he couldn't put it in its rightful place.
Nat watched him as he followed his thoughts to wherever his mind had taken him and she could always tell when those thoughts or memories hit a dead end and he looked up at her. He appeared thoughtful and confused and when he dropped his gaze again she looked to Bruce but he simply shrugged. Neither had any idea if taking him out of the room was a good idea or not, but as Steve mentioned a few days before – "if we're going to earn his trust, we have to start somewhere."
"Okay," she finally replied and stood up, taking a step back from the bed. "Stay on comms and if anything goes sideways -," she told Steve then pinned the Soldier with a hard stare, "we won't be far away." The Soldier simply looked at her, but didn't seem to take her final comment as a challenge.
After getting the Soldier properly dressed for an excursion around the compound, Steve escorted him down the hall. He took a right at the first hallway intersection and proceeded to the end before taking a left. The Soldier remained silent as he followed Rodzhers to wherever he was being taken. He turned his head to peer into the rooms they passed as it was a learned habit to know his surroundings.
Steve stopped at the open door of Stark's lab and looked inside. Tony was sitting in front of a holographic display suspended in the middle of the room, studying it with intense focus.
"Tony?" Steve said, announcing his arrival and Tony looked over the rim of his glasses toward the door.
"Hey, Cap," he greeted and went back to punching keys on the console in front of him. "What're you up to?"
"I'm just escorting our friend on a short walk," he told Stark. "We needed to get out of that room."
Tony looked over at Steve again as the Soldier entered the room behind him. Tony took off his glasses and set them down. "Is that… Barnes?" he asked. Steve gave him a small smile and shook his head. "Is this a good idea?" Tony asked, unsure of Steve's intentions.
"Humor me, would you?" Steve asked.
Tony studied the man standing just behind Steve. The Soldier was looking about the lab and then turned his attention to Stark. Tony looked at Cap with a serious expression. "What do you need?" he asked.
Steve leaned closer to Stark and whispered, "I want to see how he reacts to seeing his uniform. He kept asking for it… I just want to see if it's a conditioned response or if he truly wants it back."
Tony nodded, understanding where Steve was going with this course of action. He looked at the Soldier again and saw him staring at the hologram suspended in the air in front of him. Tony turned to press a button on the console and the diagram winked out and disappeared. The Soldier's gaze slid to him and they regarded each other for a long moment. Tony was the first to blink because the Soldier didn't seem to need to. He then spun on his heel to go to the safe holding the Soldier's belongings.
He placed the pair of boots on a table nearby then turned back to lay out the pants and jacket. After that he placed the gloves, goggles and mask on the table and stepped back waiting for Steve to make the next move.
Steve gestured for the Soldier to lead the way so he did. As he walked toward the table his eyes never stopped roaming the room until he got within sight of the items on the table. When he saw his uniform he slowed his pace but kept moving forward, trying to not react outwardly at the sight of them.
Steve noticed the hesitation in his step so he touched the Soldier's arm gently and maneuvered him closer to the table, setting him in front of the items. He watched the Soldier closely as he looked down at the pants and then the jacket. The Soldier placed his hand on the leather jacket and Steve watched him swallow thickly as if the sight of it was unsettling. His gaze took in one item after another and he reached for the boots but stopped before actually touching them. His attention was focused on the two items just beyond; the goggles and mask.
Steve and Tony watched him closely as the Soldier side-stepped closer to the last items on the table. His gaze swept back and forth between them for a long minute and then he slowly reached out and laid his hand on the mask. He gripped it and lifted it slowly from the table as the two Avengers watched. He seemed to be lost in his own thoughts, oblivious to the two men watching him. The Soldier turned his hand over so the mask was now positioned to be donned. He stared at it and then raised it slowly until it was set over his mouth and nose and he held it there.
Steve and Tony exchanged worried glances before turning their attention to him again. The Soldier held the mask against his own face as he breathed into it half a dozen times. His eyes took on a thousand yard stare as his mind took him to another place and time and just when Steve began to think this was a bad idea after all, the Soldier blinked rapidly and pulled the mask away. He looked at it closely again before finally placing it back on the table.
These items… these clothes, had defined who he was his entire life. His gaze roamed over the contents on the table and then he took a large step backward as if trying to distance himself from them. His expression shifted from worry or uncertainty to an angry scowl and Steve was sure he was feeling a full range of emotions he wasn't used to experiencing.
The Soldier's thoughts were scattered; fragmented, and he couldn't grasp them. He had to just ride it out as the images bombarded him; dozens of assassinations successfully completed of both sanctioned targets and witnesses to his actions over the years… seeing his own reflection in the lenses of eye glasses some of his victims wore or in a window nearby. Looking at his own reflection; his face covered by the mask, long hair obscuring his eyes, which were often painted black. He'd stare back, without feeling any emotion, at the stranger in his own reflection as his victims took their final breath. When the fleeting images disappeared he took a deep breath and blinked to clear the last traces of those images from his vision. He looked at Tony and then at Steve before looking toward the closed door. When the door didn't open and no other handlers or wranglers entered the room, he looked at Rodzhers again.
"Kakova missiya?" he asked. ~What is the mission?~
"What?" Steve asked, surprised by the question.
The Soldier looked at him and scowled. "Do I have a mission?" he asked.
"No," Steve told him then realized the uniform was his to wear while on highly covert operations. "No, no," he told him. "There is no mission." The Soldier frowned, not understanding why his clothes were laid out. "It's okay," Steve told him. "There is no mission. You've asked about your uniform a few times and I just wanted you to see that it's here as I told you. It's safe… as are you."
The Soldier looked at him again as he considered what Rodzhers just told him. It made no sense to him at all. No one was demanding anything of him. No one was dressing him in his assassin's garb. No one was forcing him into the chair that would shoot lightening through his eye and made his mind go blank, making him ready to take in new information which he would need. No one gave him mission parameters and no one here had given him reason to fear nor did they cause him pain. It was all a bit confusing. He looked at Rodzhers with an expression of uncertainty.
"You okay?" Steve asked him. The Soldier lowered his gaze. Steve realized that all he'd done was confuse the Soldier so he said good-bye to Tony and led him out of the room, leaving Tony to secure the items in the safe again.
After they left Tony's lab, Steve escorted the Soldier down the corridor toward the gym. They stopped outside the glass wall and the Soldier looked inside, his gaze stopping on the ring and again an expression of confusion or uncertainty crossed his face. Thoughts and images bombarded him and he couldn't make sense of them. It was as if so much had happened in that ring that he had been a part of but – no, the images didn't make sense. It wasn't him – well, it was him sometimes and other times it was… no, these images had to be remnants of a dream. Yes, that was it; images from a dream of which he could only glimpse pieces.
Steve gave him a few moments and then escorted him outside and they walked the grounds slowly, taking in the scenery and soaking up some sun and fresh air. They didn't talk much as the Soldier wasn't one for idle conversation. Along the way, Steve would point out something to him and explain what he was seeing, but the Soldier didn't respond verbally to any of the information.
Steve led the way through the lush gardens, now in full bloom and headed down the hill. He'd glance at the man beside him now and again, yearning to have Bucky back to talk to and reminisce. In time, he hoped. They came around a small grove of trees; a dozen or so white birch scattered among the pines and maples, to see a large pond open up in front of them. There was a wooden dock and a small flock of Mallard ducks wandering around nearby picking bugs out of the grass. Rodzhers walked out onto the wooden dock and the Soldier followed him. Steve stopped near the far end and looked out at the reflection of the sun on the water.
The Soldier stopped next to him, scanning the surface of the pond and the trees lining the shore, always on alert. He caught his breath as an image smacked him like a punch in the gut. It wasn't just a visual image this time. He could hear sounds too, exuberant voices and laughter. Images flashed before his eyes of the two boys he'd seen earlier in his mind; the dark and the light. They were running down a wooden dock much like the one they were standing on, racing each other to the end. The Soldier took a side step backward and looked behind him. Steve watched him as the Soldier seemed to be watching something that he couldn't see.
The Soldier's eyes were focused on something not really there and his gaze shifted as if watching something moving closer and then passing between them as it headed toward the end of the dock. Steve watched him closely as the Soldier continued to watch the scene playing out in front of him.
The Soldier watched the two boys run past him, calling out challenges to each other and the dark one reached out to push the light one forward. He shoved him off the end of the dock and the yellow-haired boy laughed in surprise. They both splashed down and the Soldier stepped closer to the end of the dock to look down at the two boys he could see playing in the water. Steve moved forward carefully, not wanting to disturb whatever memory the Soldier was experiencing but wanting to be close in case he walked right off the dock without realizing it.
Steve dared to hope that the Soldier was seeing them as boys playing around the city pool or maybe it was the lake he was seeing; Bucky's uncle had a place in upstate New York and the Barnes family spent a week there every summer. It had become a given that Bucky would ask and Steve would be included in the family vacation. Maybe he was seeing them at Rockaway Beach, where they'd snuck off to as often as they could scrape up enough coins for the train to take them there. When money was scarce they'd walk the distance, hitching rides in the back of pick-up trucks or with anyone who took pity on them.
The Soldier watched the images and listened to the sounds of the boys laughing and shouting to each other… but not in anger, he noted. "Hey, Steve!" the dark boy would call out. "Steve!" They were smiling and having a good time… they were having fun.
Fun.
"Steve!" The word echoed in his head like the tolling of a bell. "Steve!" He took a deep breath and stepped back. He blinked rapidly and looked up to see Rodzhers watching him closely. The face of the yellow-haired boy, older now, standing in front of him.
"Are you okay?" Rodzhers asked. The blond man looked genuinely concerned and the Soldier began to sense that this man actually cared about his well-being and wondered why. As the Soldier looked at him; his expression was a mixture of confusion and sorrow. Steve wanted to know what was going through his mind but he knew if he asked, the Soldier wouldn't tell him.
"I think… I knew you," The Soldier said.
The single sentence rocked Steve as if he'd been gut-punched, forcing out the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. The Soldier lowered his gaze, focusing inward, then blinked and looked at him again.
"I knew you," he said slowly.
"Yes," Steve replied. He wanted to grab the Soldier and hug him and hold onto him and sit down with him and go over old times, but he knew they weren't there yet. The Soldier was grasping at fleeting images, memories that probably didn't make a lot of sense to him. He was taking a big chance just saying those words, but he was saying them. He was guessing that the images meant something to him – to them – even though he wasn't sure. "Yes, you know me," Steve told him quietly, not wanting to break the Soldier's train of thought.
Steve watched him closely as the Soldier looked back down at the water. The pond was now still and the boys were no longer there. He searched for them, scanning the surface of the water but they were gone again. That was the end of the memory and the end of their verbal exchange. The Soldier offered no more words for the rest of their walk, but Steve felt like he could jump out of his skin. It was small and it was fleeting, but it was progress.
Though the Soldier had gotten quiet again, Steve couldn't help but smile during their walk around the grounds. Steve kept a close eye on him, as he appeared to be lost in his own thoughts. If he was trying to put the pieces together then Steve would give him time to do that but he couldn't wait to share this breakthrough with the others.
After taking their relaxing stroll around the compound it was nearly time for lunch so they made their way back to the residence. Steve brought him up to the common area where he'd taken meals a few times before surrounded by various members of the Avengers team.
When they entered, those in attendance paused what they were doing to turn their attention on him. It was obvious by his posture that the man walking beside Steve wasn't Sgt. Barnes and it definitely wasn't Soldat and that left only one other. Clint and Sam considered the Soldier for a few seconds and then looked to Steve; not completely sure if this was in fact the Winter Soldier as he wasn't presenting in the same manner in which he had in the past. His expression and mannerisms had softened and he looked around the room as if confused. Sam sat back in his chair, wondering if the emergence of Sgt. Barnes had caused this effect on the one they knew as the Winter Soldier.
"Mind if we join you?" Steve asked. Clint shook his head and Sam gestured toward the chair across from him. Steve motioned to the chair that Sam indicated and the Soldier moved to it. "You can sit down," Steve told him as he pulled out the chair at the end of the table and sat between Wilson and the Soldier, facing Clint on the other side.
The Soldier looked around the room until he spotted the young woman who had served him a meal with a smile. He stared at Wanda and she smiled at him from her seat on the couch on the other side of the large room.
"I was hoping to have lunch before we meet up with Dr. Golden," Steve told them, "but our walk around the grounds took longer than I thought it would." He looked at his watch. "We told Emily we'd meet her at one o'clock and that's in ten minutes."
Wanda stood up and moved toward the group, listening to Steve's explanation. She realized immediately that he needed to give the Soldier a meal but needed to get to a meeting so she spoke up as she neared the table.
"He can stay with me, if you need to meet with Emily," she offered.
The three men looked up at her as she stood between Steve and the Soldier. The Soldier looked up at her, and then to each of the men at the table, as he tried to gauge their reactions to her.
"Thanks, Wanda, but –," Steve began but was cut off by Sam.
"She can handle him," Wilson reminded him. Steve and the Soldier both looked at him when he interrupted. "Seriously, man… she's the Scarlet Witch. Except for Vision, she's the most powerful of all of us." The Soldier looked up at her. His eyes studied her carefully and Wanda looked down at him and smiled. "Seriously, dude," Sam continued, "- if any one of us can handle this guy by themselves it's her."
Steve looked over at the Soldier who was staring up at Wanda from his chair as if reading her in order to pinpoint her weaknesses. When the Soldier realized he was being watched he dropped his gaze and looked at Steve. "Are you sure, Wanda?" he asked. "I don't know how long we're going to be."
"Yeah, of course I'm sure," she answered. "We'll be fine. Won't we?" she asked the Soldier and dropped a gentle hand to his right shoulder. Her touch made him visibly freeze as he waited for the pain that should follow. Nothing happened though and he looked at her hand, her fingernails painted black, then up at her again. Wanda smiled at him and then turned her attention to Cap again. "I'll make sure he gets something to eat and I'll come up with something to entertain him until you get back. If he tires, I'll bring him downstairs. Trust me," she told him. "I've got this."
Steve thought about it for a few more seconds and realized both Wanda and Sam were right; if anyone could handle the Winter Soldier single-handedly and come out of it unscathed, it was Wanda.
"Okay," he finally agreed. "You stay with her," he told the Soldier. "We'll be back - umm, well, I'm not sure when, but we'll be back." He stood up and Clint and Sam joined him. The Soldier remained seated with Wanda's hand on his shoulder.
Steve went to the kitchen to grab a sandwich from the tray on the counter and a bottle of water from the fridge to take with him. Wanda would make sure to feed the Soldier and he had no idea how long this would take.
After the three men exited the room, Wanda stepped away from the Soldier and headed to the kitchen area. "Let's find something for you to eat," she told him. "We have sandwiches already made or we can find you something else if you want," she told him. She looked over at him as he remained seated and furrowed his brow when she gave him a choice. She smiled softly, understanding that Hydra didn't afford him the right to choose anything for himself so the suggestion that he should - or could - make a choice always seemed to confuse him. "You can join me over here if you want. I'll show you what we have to choose from and you can pick what you want."
The Soldier thought about all the options presented to him in the short span of one minute; he could remain seated or he could stand up and go to her; he could choose a sandwich from the tray as Rodzhers had or he could search for something else and the Witch would help him search. He glanced around the large room and saw that it was just her in the room with him. Wanda waited in the kitchen, watching him as he took in his surroundings and wondered what he was thinking. He turned around again and looked at her and she smiled at him.
He stood up and joined her in the kitchen.
TBC'd