Avengers: Search for the Winter Soldier
Chapter 49:
Paprikash While We Wait
Summary: While the Soldier's Team is in a meeting with Dr. Golden, Wanda and the Winter Soldier spend time together.
Notes: This chapter is dedicated to Potterhead1019 for your support and feedback. It's always appreciated. - W6C
Wanda opened the refrigerator, scanning the shelves quickly to get an idea of what they had to offer their guest. She glanced over her shoulder to see the Soldier walking toward her. She smiled at him and then listed the options she could readily see in front of her. He stopped behind her and looked at the sandwich options on the tray.
"It looks like we have a pretty good choice in here if you want something we can heat up," she told him and turned to see him looking at the sandwiches. "We have left over fried chicken and there's roasted potatoes we can have with it." He didn't respond to her in any manner so she glanced back inside the open fridge to give him other options. "We have some left over baked pasta… it's like a casserole -." The Soldier casually looked around the kitchen and Wanda grinned. "You probably aren't into casseroles… okay," she looked at the next shelf seeing the large container she'd put in there just yesterday. "There's the left over paprikash I made yesterday -." The Soldier's gaze shot to her and she stopped talking. She watched him as he looked past her into the refrigerator as if looking for the dish she'd just mentioned. "You like paprikash?" she asked. The Soldier looked at her but didn't respond. "You can have paprikash, if that's what you want," she told him. "You just have to tell me yes or no." The Soldier appeared to think about her words. He lowered his gaze and his brow knitted together a bit. He was hesitant to answer but then he nodded; his body tensing as if he was preparing himself to be struck for responding. Wanda frowned to see such a conditioned response from the man whose very existence terrified world governments.
Wanda reached into the fridge and came out with a large bowl and set it on the island. She opened a cabinet and pulled out a large pot, setting it on the stove burner. The Soldier stood quietly watching the Witch move around the small kitchen as she pulled a large spoon from a drawer and grabbed a pot holder.
The Soldier watched her movements; never missing a beat. When she removed the bowl's sealed lid, the aroma of Hungarian paprikash filled the kitchen. "Mmm, smells good," she said aloud, just to keep him engaged. "Nagymama ezt készítette minden vasárnap a családi összejövetelünkre," she said quietly; slipping unconsciously into her native language as the aroma conjured up a sense of nostalgia, reminding her of her family gathering together every Sunday to enjoy this meal together. The Soldier's gaze shifted to her and she looked up at him. ''Sorry, my grandmother made this every Sunday for our family gathering."
"Eertettem," he replied, surprising Wanda. ~I understood.~
She looked at him for a moment and lifted the bowl to pour the contents into the pot and decided to engage him in the activity. "Meg tudnád tartani a tálat, amíg kikanalazom?" she asked. ~Could you hold the bowl while I spoon it out?~
He reached for the bowl and held it in place while she spooned the contents into the pot, hearing it sizzle as the pot heated up. ''Vorbești sokoviană," she observed, aloud and the Soldier nodded. ~You speak Sokovian~
''Mówię wieloma językami," he replied. ~I speak many languages~
"Of course," Wanda acknowledged. "I knew that. I guess I was just surprised... Sokovian is a jumble of many Eastern European languages and not many people learn it unless they're from Sokovia." The Winter Soldier looked at her, considering her words. She finished emptying the bowl and took it from his hands. ''Spacibo," she thanked him in Russian and he nodded.
"Pozhaluysta," he muttered and she almost missed it. ~You're welcome~
Wanda put the bowl in the sink and as she let it fill with soapy water she took a moment to consider the situation. It was quite clear that the man standing beside her had very few social skills, but he was incredibly brilliant when it came to languages and he was fluent in many which meant he was capable of learning. He could learn new ways to respond to different situations and to the people around him. He lacked experience interacting on a social level and that was by design, but he didn't lack intelligence.
The contents of the pot on the stove began to bubble and spit and they both looked down at it. Wanda was washing out the bowl so she asked the Soldier if he could stir the pot to keep the paprikash from burning. "Ne mogli by vy razmeshat' eto dlya menya, pozhaluysta?"
The Soldier picked up the spoon from the counter and slowly stirred the pot. Wanda smiled watching him. She returned to his side to look into the pot and he offered her the spoon.
"Vy mozhete sokhranit' yego. Ty otlichno spravlyayesh'sya," she told him. ~You can keep it. You're doing great.~ Wanda smiled at him, but he didn't smile back. "So serious," she commented with an empathetic tone.
He kept stirring the pot and looked at her as if not understanding the last comment. Serious? Yes, he was serious. He's supposed to be serious. He didn't know any other way to be. He was never allowed to show any other emotion or any emotion at all; Hydra, the KGB, all of them would just beat him for anything less than stoic and serious. Actually, he realized, there was only person that would ever explain things to him, besides Karpov, and that was Alexander Pierce.
Pierce would allow a question or two and he'd even go so far as to try to explain whatever was confusing him, but he often felt that the explanation was the truth as Pierce saw it. That didn't mean it was the truth and that often confused him even more. He appreciated the bond he'd had with both men, if that's even what it could be called; but they were gone now and those left behind after the Triskelion failure treated him much more coldly. They didn't entertain his questions nor did they tolerate anything that he presented as confusing to him. They would simply wipe his mind and delete the confusion altogether; or so they thought. He turned his attention back to the boiling pot as he moved the spoon through the thick stew.
Wanda watched him closely as he seemed to follow thoughts he didn't offer to share. She waited quietly until his thoughts cleared and turned his focus back on the heated pot. "It's okay," she said, patting his arm lightly. "We'll work on that," she told him and then she heard his stomach growl. "I'm with you. Let's eat. Oh wait! Do you want buttered noodles or mashed potatoes to put it on?" The Soldier looked at her with a scowl. He'd already made one choice for today so she let this one pass and made it for him. "I think… mashed." She reached back into the fridge and tossed the already-made potato mash into the microwave so they'd be heated quickly. She shut the door and tapped the pads to show two minutes and turned to rest against the counter as she waited for the 'ding'.
The Soldier glanced over at her and then at the microwave before looking back at her again. Wanda grinned and folded her arms in front of her. "Just don't tell Chef Ramsey," she told him. The Soldier, not understanding her comment, turned away to pay attention to the task he'd been given and Wanda laughed softly. She knew his history and his crimes, but there was just something about the Winter Soldier that Wanda couldn't help but like. He was more than what the world could see of him, she felt that clearly every time she was in the same room with him. She was thankful to be given the chance to spend this time alone with him.
The team met at Dr. Golden's office and there was light chatter while she gathered her notes and laptop from her desk. She had set up the evaluation table in the back corner with enough chairs for everyone. She'd added one for Tony too; not knowing if he would be joining them.
Dr Golden moved her things to the table and took a seat in the chair at the end. There were six chairs for the team; three on either side so everyone had enough space to be comfortable.
"When you're ready," she invited them, gesturing to the chairs. The team took their cue and joined her. Clint, Natasha and Bruce took the chairs near the wall and Steve and Sam sat opposite to them.
She looked at each of them and smiled. "You all look well rested," she observed. "Does anyone have anything new they'd like to share before we get started?" Steve smiled and shifted in his seat, drawing her attention. Dr. Golden returned his smile. "Captain? Do you have something you wish to share?"
"I do," Steve said, nodding. "I took him outside for some fresh air and we walked around the grounds. Something happened at the pond, I'm not entirely sure what it was, but he seemed to.. I don't know," he hesitated, not knowing precisely how to explain what had happened.
"Okay, take a breath," Dr. Golden instructed; realizing he needed some guidance. "What did you see?" she asked.
Steve thought about it for a moment. "He was standing on the dock with me and he was looking at the water… then a look of confusion crossed his face and he turned to look behind us. I didn't know what he was looking for so I just decided to observe him -."
"And, what did you observe?" she asked.
"He seemed to be watching something that I couldn't see. His eyes were moving as if tracking movement or following an action -."
Emily realized what he was describing. "He had a memory break through the walls, it sounds like." Steve looked at her as the others remained silent, allowing the two to sort out the event. "Remember I told you how sometimes when memory fragments make themselves known it will appear as though he's hearing or seeing something not really there?" Steve nodded as did the others. "Did it appear to be something like that?" she asked.
"Yes, that's exactly the impression I got. It was as if he was watching something happening. I think… I think standing on the dock beside me triggered a memory from our childhood."
The specificity of Steve's statement caused Emily to regard him with a serious expression. "What makes you say that, Captain? That's pretty specific."
"I know," Steve nodded. "When we were kids, Bucky's family would vacation at his uncle's place in upstate New York. His house was set on a beautiful lake and Bucky and I would spend all day down at the water. We would race each other from the shore, down the length of the dock and jump off the end into the water. Watching the Soldier today, made me think that was precisely what he was seeing because he looked back at the shore and then tracked movement as if "we" were running down the dock, he tracked the action as it moved between us and then he stepped toward the end of the dock to stare down at the water. I got the strong impression that he was watching a memory… and then he said something that sort of confirmed it."
"He spoke to you?" Clint asked. "Without being told to?"
"Well, I asked him if he was all right," Steve told him.
"What did he say?" Dr. Golden asked and Steve looked at her.
"He said, 'I think I knew you'," Steve told her. Emily's eyebrows shot to the top of her forehead. "I just stared at him," Steve continued. "I was shocked. I didn't expect that. He thought about it for another few seconds and then said, "I knew you." and he said it with conviction as if for the first time he really believed it."
The team members sat quietly looking at him and then exchanged glances with each other. Dr. Golden smiled and then she nodded and that made Steve smile wider. "That was some breakthrough," she told him.
"Could that memory have been triggered by Bucky's emergence?" Steve asked. "I know he was only in control for about twelve hours but could he be influencing what the Soldier remembers?"
"Oh yes," Dr. Golden replied. "He absolutely could be the reason the Soldier is seeing fleeting bits of memory. He may not know what they are or why he's seeing them, but if he was actually seeing you as a boy… well, you probably look similar enough even now that he was able to make the connection."
"I noticed earlier that he seems more subdued than he's been previously," Natasha added. "He's not coming across as aggressive and distrustful as he was before Barnes emerged."
Emily nodded. "Sgt. Barnes is the original personality and he holds the key to unlocking a lot of unknowns for both Soldat and the Soldier," she explained. "I do have to caution you all, though – even though the effect Sgt. Barnes is having on them appears to alleviate much of the aggressive nature of the Soldier, do not drop your guard. He is still extremely dangerous and it's likely that the more he sees and hears things he can't understand… it's possible they could cause him to go into a psychological crisis.
"As you know, I put both Soldat and the Soldier through a series of extensive evaluation programs and testing. The vast differences between these two personalities were expected and I believe James Barnes will fall neatly between them. He's the link we need to bridge these two if we have any hope of integrating them back toward one psychological entity."
"Is that possible?" Steve asked.
Dr. Golden nodded. "Yes, it's been known to be successful in others who have suffered fragmented personalities due to extensive trauma."
Steve thought about that and dared to hope. He smiled and nodded. "So what have you got to share with us, Doctor?"
"Well, let me start with this," she said, as she pulled copies of a print out from a folder and handed one to each team member to peruse. It contained what appeared to be itemized aspects of human personality traits listed down the center of the page. The top of the page on the left side of the list was labeled Soldat and on the right side Soldier. Underneath their names; corresponding with an item on the list, was an arrow pointing either up or down. Steve noted that on Soldat's side of the list there were a lot of arrows pointing both up and down along with a couple categories showing a big circle he assumed indicated a zero score. On the Soldier's side of the list he noted that most of the arrows pointed down except in one entire category all his arrows pointed up.
Emily allowed the team members to look over the print out for a few minutes on their own and when Steve, Nat and Sam looked up at her she began to explain.
"This list consists of what is defined as The Big Five Traits and Sub-Traits of personality. The Big Five is considered the gold standard in personality testing. It is generally more accurate and comprehensive than other tests. As you can see, the Five Big Traits are labeled as Extroversion, Openness, Agreeableness, Conscientiousness and Neuroticism and below those titles there are a number of sub-traits which breaks it down to specifics being tested.
"For example, the first title is Extroversion and that test breaks down to testing for positive emotions, excitement seeking, activity levels, assertiveness, gregariousness and warmth. On the left side you can see that Soldat scored very low in assertiveness, activity level and excitement seeking indicated by the arrows pointing down. He has both up and down arrows on positive emotion due to the fact that left to his own devices he scores low in positivity, but when given upbeat interaction with another person he can be easily guided into the spectrum of positive emotions. He also shows warmth toward others and easily displays friendliness toward people who are friendly toward him.
"The Soldier, on the other hand, as you can see all of his arrows point down as he scores extremely low in every section except in assertiveness. His level of assertiveness is so high that he crosses over into aggression when he sees a need to assert himself.
"People who score high on this section are considered socially extroverted; meaning, they are energetic, sociable, talkative and seek pleasurable experiences through interactions with others. Those who score low tend to be more reserved, quiet, low-key and subdued. Introverts also tend to need more time alone in order to recharge and feel centered.
"Neither of them can be considered extroverts in regards to social situations and I don't think that comes as a surprise to any of us." Natasha and Steve nodded their heads in agreement. "That being said, because they both score low in this section, it shouldn't be construed that either of them is anti-social or have little to no interest in other people. They are the way they are due to external circumstances. They have been kept in captivity and mistreated far beyond what would be considered criminal levels. They are this way due to extreme conditioning, but I believe they can be shown another way with repetition and a whole lot of patience and genuine kindness."
Emily looked at her monitor and scrolled the page. "Now this section titled Extroversion is composed of the six facets I mentioned already. Let me run through each one quickly so you understand what you're looking at. The sub-trait labeled as Positive Emotions refers to their propensity to experience a positive emotional state such as joy, laughter and elation. Those with high scores are prone to be joyful people who are enthusiastic about life and hold an optimistic outlook.
"Both Soldat and the Soldier scored low as you can see indicated by the down arrows, but whereas the Soldier's mood is not readily changed by showing him positivity, Soldat is easily drawn out of his shell and emulates the behaviors that are directed toward him.
"The next sub-trait is Excitement Seeking and refers to their need or yearning for external stimulation by, say, thrill seeking. Those with high scores crave excitement in their life and seek out intense situations. Neither of them cares for thrill seeking. Soldat is overwhelmed by intense situations and the Soldier already lives a life of intense situations so he doesn't take it upon himself to seek out more adrenaline raising activities.
"Activity Level refers to their inclination or need to be active at all times. Those who score high in this area are your multi-taskers; the people who can handle six different projects or tasks at one time."
Steve glanced across the table to see Natasha looking back at him with a crooked grin. They returned their attention to Dr. Golden as she continued.
"As you may have guessed without even looking at the printout, neither of them are the 'stay busy' type. Soldat is borderline ADHD and has trouble staying focused on tasks that don't hold his interest, not unlike many of us… and the Soldier is single-minded, meaning he puts all of his attention and focus on the mission at hand until it is complete and only then will he move on to the next mission or task placed in front of him. He lacks the need for stimulation and that gives him the ability to sit in hiding for hours or even days as he waits for his target to appear. The Soldier is an apex predator and he is very good at what he's been trained to do.
"Now, the next sub-trait is Assertiveness and this is scored based on the tendency of the individual to speak up on their own behalf or on behalf of others or to affirm themselves and even attempt to set agendas for other people. Those who score high in this category have the tendency to take charge and speak their minds. They are natural leaders but can sometimes be seen as overbearing and forceful.
"Soldat scored low in this category as well. He not only cannot speak up for himself but he folds up and becomes nearly catatonic with fear in the face of perceived danger or threats. The Soldier on the other hand –."
"- not only has an up arrow but you wrote Aggressive in the side bar and circled it," Sam pointed out with dismay.
"Yes," Emily nodded. "When the Soldier feels the need to assert himself he goes from zero to sixty in a blink of an eye. There is little to no compromise considered and he can become volatile without warning. This is what he was conditioned to do – take no prisoners, no negotiation and no compromise is entertained."
"He follows our commands though, however reluctantly," Sam pointed out.
"He does… because he's not sure who we are," Emily explained. "He questions our involvement with Hydra and often wonders if he's being tested by them, by us, to see if he will sway to the other side. He listens to Steve and Natasha because he believes they've been assigned to him as his handlers and it is his duty to comply with them. Other times he believes he's being held captive by enemy forces and that's when he tests his boundaries. Either way, he has not been punished for testing you in either belief so that has him confused."
"Is that a good thing?" Steve asked and Dr. Golden smiled softly.
"It's always a good thing when the Winter Soldier hesitates to take action against you," she told him and he nodded in agreement.
"What is this one?" Clint asked, "Gregariousness? The Soldier scored low but Soldat scored high on this one?"
"Yes," Emily confirmed. "This trait scores the individual on their desire to be surrounded by a multitude of different people at one time. Those with high scores show a true desire to be a part of social gatherings and they enjoy interacting with others on many different levels - that is definitely Soldat. He feels extremely safe and even entertained when the whole team is around him and he has many things to see and hear. All that social commotion helps him to stay out of the darker corners of his mind and gives him something to focus on aside from his own fears.
"The Soldier, on the other hand, is easily overwhelmed by large social gatherings. He doesn't understand what's going on around him and that puts him on edge. Left to his own devices, I believe he would quickly exit the area if given the chance… and, because we don't want to trigger his aggressive nature, it's best to keep gatherings small around him or at least on a quiet level if we have everyone in the same room." Each member of the team nodded that they agreed with that suggestion.
"The next sub-trait is Warmth and it refers to the person's propensity to display positive responses toward others and how easily they form bonds and friendship. High scorers would find it quite easy to make new friends and form a connection with people they don't know all that well, whereas people with low scores find it difficult, if not impossible, to initiate social contact with others; whether they are strangers or not. A low score doesn't necessarily mean there's a chance for hostility in itself, so much as they are more reticent and subdued."
"That's definitely the Soldier," Steve offered. "Trying to get that guy to show any type of emotion is like pulling teeth."
Dr. Golden smiled warmly at him. He was right but, even knowing that, he hadn't given up trying.
Sam perused the entire list on the paper in front of him. "These results show all down arrows for the Soldier," Sam pointed out, "in every main trait except Conscientiousness."
"Yes," Emily concurred. "Except in Assertiveness as I mentioned and…" she scanned the print out to find the other up arrow, "oh yes, under Neuroticism… the sub-trait Irritability. He scored high in that too."
"This is some scary shit," he told her.
"Yes, it is, Sam," she agreed. "It's also very sad," she told him and he looked over at her. "All of these human traits and sub-traits have been taken away from the Soldier… and not by his own choice. They were erased from his mind painfully and forcibly and, knowing this, we must always keep in mind that the Winter Soldier – even as lethal as he is – is a victim, not a villain. Yes, he does villainous things… he's done some pretty gory… hideous… things, but always under the strict control of someone else; an evil and twisted someone who is skillful at torturing a person until they break… and once that mind has shattered then the mind-benders twist their victim in a manner that destroys everything that made them who they are in order to become something unnatural, something completely different from their true selves…."
"Under Neuroticism, he scores low in anxiety, self-consciousness, depressivity, which I assume has to do with a tendency to become depressed," Sam guess "… and low in vulnerability, but scores high in irritability and you even went so far as to circle the arrow -."
"Yes," she nodded, following along with him on her own copy.
"And here, under Agreeableness, he scored a down arrow on everything… trust, earnestness, altruism, cooperation, compliance, modesty-humility and sympathy-compassion… and here next to humility-modesty you wrote the word 'none'."
"Yes," she replied, "because he shows zero humility or modesty. He couldn't afford to keep those aspects, he has had no need for them," she explained. "But look to the left side, you'll see that Soldat scored high on all of those attributes. Where the Soldier scores extremely low in the ability to trust or feel compassion or sympathy or humility… Soldat feels those things for others. So they are still inside the person, they're still there and able to be accessed… just not by the Soldier at this time."
"The Soldier scored high in Conscientiousness?" Clint asked, clearly confused.
"Yes, but that title isn't as clear as you might think it is. That category consists of tests to evaluate the individual in the sub-traits of self-assurance, orderliness, dutifulness, achievement striving, self-discipline and prudence. All things required of a good soldier," she pointed out. "So, yes, it's not surprising that the Soldier scored high in all those areas."
"And Soldat scored mostly zeroes and down arrows," Steve read aloud, "- not much of a soldier in him, huh."
"None at all, Captain," Dr. Golden told him. "Soldat is not a soldier. He's in no way capable of being a soldier. He is Sgt. Barnes at his absolute lowest. Tortured beyond the ability to reason or function… completely torn apart and broken, literally, into pieces of his whole self… Soldat is what became of Sgt. Barnes after his psyche had been finally shattered, right before they recreated him into the Winter Soldier. The differences between these two entities are staggering," she told them. "Where Soldat is rendered helpless… crippled by fear – The Soldier becomes dangerous – violent and deadly – in the face of anything he perceives as a threat. I'm not even certain if the feeling the Soldier responds to is experienced as fear… or simply identified as a need to preserve his life in order to complete his mission."
The Soldier watched the Witch as she ladled heaping mounds of the familiar stew onto the bed of mashed potatoes on each plate. She lifted one plate and handed it to him then opened a drawer and took out two spoons. Taking her own plate from the counter she walked to the far side of the dining area and chose a small table near the windows. The table was just large enough to seat two adults comfortably. It was close sitting and more intimate than the larger team sized tables.
She placed her plate on the table and looked at him. The Soldier just stood nearby looking at her. "You can put your plate down," she told him, gesturing to the opposite side. He looked down at the table and then slowly placed his full plate in the spot she indicated. Wanda placed a spoon beside each plate and then went back to the kitchen to get two bottles of cold water from the fridge. As she came back to the table, she smiled softly as he turned to look at her. He was still standing in the same spot in which she'd left him.
"You can sit down," she told him as she stepped around him to pull out her own chair.
His actions mirrored hers as she sat down and picked up her spoon. He watched her raise a spoonful and blow on it softly as steam billowed from the top. He looked down at his own plate and began to dig into it. Wanda watched him as he didn't seem to take note or care that the meal was still quite hot. At one point he frowned as he swallowed and she took that as a sign that it burned going down.
"You should blow on it," she told him. The Soldier looked at her and she raised a spoonful up to her lips and blew on it. "Like that," she said, "- cools it off enough so you can eat without burning your throat."
The Soldier blinked at her and she gestured toward his plate with a nod. The Soldier lifted another spoonful and paused with it. He looked at her and she gave him a nod, lifting her spoon and blowing on it. The Soldier glanced around the room to see they were alone and that made Wanda grin. He brought it up toward his face and blew on the spoonful. He then looked at the Witch and she nodded before he stuffed it into his mouth. A slightly pained expression crossed his features and she smiled at him.
"You might have to blow on it a couple of times before putting it in your mouth," she told him.
He looked at her with a serious expression and watched her take a few bites from her meal before lifting another spoonful. He blew on it a couple of times and then put it in his mouth carefully to note that she'd been correct. Wanda watched him discreetly to see he followed her direction and was continuing his meal without further issue. She reached out to take a piece of bread from the plate between them. As her hand came toward him, The Soldier straightened, sitting back slightly to put distance between them. Wanda slowed her action and he watched her hand intently. Once her hand was back on her own side of the table he visibly relaxed.
They continued their meal in relative quiet. Wanda found something to say now and again just to make conversation, but the Soldier simply looked back at her without engaging her verbally. Despite his silence, Wanda felt quite content in his presence. She couldn't pinpoint why she felt so at ease with him, but she had since that day she first saw him after he was brought back to the compound. To be honest, she didn't care what the reason was; she just knew she didn't have anything to fear from him.
TBC'd