Avengers: Search for the Winter Soldier

Chapter 55: A Moment In Time

Summary: The team enjoys a fun evening together before reality drops on them with the weight of a sledgehammer.

Notes: This one is for all my readers who have waited so patiently for this chapter to come to light. I'm so sorry for making you wait so long, the summer months just did me in. I think I'm back on track now though. I hope you like this chapter. – W6C

Also! WARNING! This chapter details a portion of the process that Hydra used to make the Broken Man loose his grip on reality. The words and descriptions may be familiar to those who have experienced the same type of mental abuse, so please proceed with caution and stop reading if you feel it triggering you.

Tony had ordered twelve pizzas and had them delivered. An hour later nine empty boxes were haphazardly stacked on an empty table as the team finished whatever was left on their plates. The impromptu pizza party had been a needed respite for all. It began with a lot of high energy and laughter as team members shared jokes and stories, but as the hour drew on and stomachs were full the energy in the room had become much more quiet and relaxed.

Bucky had managed to finish two slices, but found the crust a bit difficult so Steve simply took it from him and placed a third piece on his plate. Bucky grinned and reached for it. His jerky movements made it a little difficult for him to pick it up and actually get it in his mouth but he'd managed to get through the first two. It had taken some effort and focus but he'd done it.

He was working his way slowly through the third piece and at some point stopped eating and became quiet. His hand, still holding the pizza was now motionless, resting on his plate and his head had slowly dropped forward. Natasha, sitting across the table from them, was keeping a close eye on Barnes. The others were still being a bit boisterous so they didn't notice right away that there was a change in his behavior. She watched him silently for a few moments, noting the Parkinson-like shakes and muscle jerks had ceased and his eyes were unfocused as he stared at the tabletop.

As her teammates laughed and challenged each other over the true facts of a story being told, she held her hand out to get Steve's attention. He didn't notice though so she leaned forward and patted his arm. He turned to her with a smile, thinking she wanted to add to the story being told. He noticed her serious expression and followed her gaze to the man sitting beside him. He looked at his friend, noting the catatonic stare and turned toward him.

"Buck? You okay?" he asked, his voice catching the attention of his teammates and Dr. Golden. In seconds, it was completely silent in the assembly room as the entire team put their focus on Barnes, who continued to stare unfocused at the table. "Buck?" Steve repeated trying to draw his attention. He put his arm around Bucky's shoulders but the contact failed to gain his attention. "How long has he been like this?" he asked.

"Not long," Natasha told him. "A couple minutes maybe. I thought it might be a brief episode… like we all get when we're tired, you know?"

As the team watched, Dr. Golden rose from her seat and walked over to Barnes. Carefully, she cupped his chin with her hand and slowly lifted his face so she could get a better look. His eyes were glazed and unfocused, and his breathing had slowed to a resting state. She swept his long bangs away from his face to look at him closely. He felt a little warm to the touch and his skin was pale. "He's in a fugue state," she told them.

"Why?" Steve asked.

Dr. Golden shook her head. "It's difficult to assess," she told him. "It could be some of the drugs in his system. Slow-release narcotics can hit without warning. I don't think it was caused by stress unless he was feeling stressed out while we were eating."

"It did get a little loud in here," Natasha mentioned. "The laughter and shouting over one another -."

Dr. Golden considered it and shrugged. "It's possible that the loud voices triggered something in his brain… a memory… a fear… it's hard to say."

"Maybe we should get him back to his room so he can rest," Natasha suggested.

"That's a good idea," Emily agreed.

"Can we move him like this?" Steve asked. He studied his friend and his heart broke for him. It was one thing – and a great thing – to spend a little time with him over pizza; it had allowed Steve to forget, for a brief time, all that Bucky was going through and would continue to go through. Now it all slammed home again, reminding him that the moments of smooth sailing would not last.

"Sure, just take it slow," she told him. "Let's get the wheelchair over here," she suggested and Sam got up to get it.

As he did that, Steve and Clint stood up and Dr. Golden stepped back. She let go of his chin when Steve's hand took her place so his head wouldn't drop forward too quickly. He lowered Bucky's head as Sam came up behind them.

"Can you pull the chair out when we lift him?" Steve asked Emily.

"Of course," she replied.

Steve and Clint got into position and, on the count of three, lifted Barnes from his seat. Emily pulled the chair aside and Sam quickly slid the wheelchair under him. After locking the brakes, he nodded to his teammates that he was set, so they could lower him to the chair. Once he was safely seated, Steve knelt down and secured the strap across his chest to keep him sitting upright before lifting his feet onto the footrests. He took a moment to look at his friend; that empty stare unsettling. It gave the impression that he was simply "turned off". He took a deep breath and stood up to take control of the chair as Sam stepped back. "Thanks, Sam. I got it."

"I'll be right behind you," Bruce told him.

"I'll go with you," Natasha offered and Steve nodded. Sam and Clint walked with them to the elevator and stood nearby until the doors closed then went back to those who remained behind. Banner and Golden had separated from the group to discuss what their next move might be.

Steve pushed the button for the basement level and Nat stepped over to the chair. She looked down at the top of Bucky's head and reached out to gather his long hair behind his back, smoothing it down with a gentle touch. Steve watched as she laid both hands flat upon his head, her fingers separating to comb through the strands from crown to tip.

Visions began to form in his head as he stared blindly into the past. He could see the familiar darkness of the Hydra cells underground somewhere on the planet but the location was unknown to him. When he would ask, he was told many things; he was given many answers to his questions… at first. Some would tell him, when he asked, that he was in a bunker somewhere in Siberia; another would tell him that he was in a lab in Washington, D.C. and still others would simply tell him that it didn't matter; that no one was looking for him and, if they were, they would never find him.

They told him many things and the answers to his questions only served to confuse him. They caused him pain, a lot of pain and when the pain stopped Karpov would come in to tend to him. Karpov was his… or he was Karpov's… he wasn't sure but he knew they belonged together. When Karpov was there, things were always better.

The dark visions swirled and blurred and made him feel dizzy before it suddenly stopped spinning and he could see himself kneeling on the floor, cowering in fear as he tried to protect his head as the men beat him to an inch of his life. He was barely clothed and emotionally distraught.

Physically he was broken, bruised, and bleeding. So many people around them and no one steps in to help him. Psychologically, he was broken down, feeling shattered and confused. His emotions flooded from him as the hopelessness of his situation finally, fully became clear. There was no hope for him. There was no one to care about him. There was no one to come to his rescue. So many years… how many decades?

On his knees he curled forward, pressing his forehead to the cold cement floor and cried, his right fist curled into his hair and he was fully aware of the sound of his own voice echoing off the stone walls surrounding him; deafening in its volume. The voices taunted him through the beatings and the tortures and then there was silence. Through his sobs he was vaguely aware of the sound of footfalls falling away. His tormenters were leaving and all he could hear was his own breaths as he tried to hold back the sobs of total despair.

And then the voice was back. Speaking to him softly, quietly… speaking to him as if he cared. Then the hands; Karpov's hands… gently guiding him to sit up so he could check his injuries… or so he says. His voice was soft and understanding. Karpov was caring and protective… Then he was being lifted from the floor and gently guided to sit in a chair. He would listen to his handler's voice as his bruises and open wounds were tended to.

The Winter Soldier stood in silence watching from the shadows; watching his handler tending to the Broken Man. A sense of jealousy stirred inside him and the emotion confused him. He tried to squelch that emotion as he knew Karpov wasn't his alone. As if sensing the jealous surge in his Soldier, Karpov turned away from Broken Man to reassure him with a nod then he grinned darkly at his Soldier.

The Broken Man listened to his handler's voice telling him "Although it is true that there is no one to care about you…" He looked at his handler wanting that to not be true. "- all your friends are gone. They've given up on you. They've stopped looking for you, but… I am here and I will take care of you." He would say this while cleaning his wounds and wrapping his naked, frozen body in a warm blanket. He was allowed to feel warm… ever so briefly.

But wasn't it Karpov himself who had unlocked his cell to allow those who beat and torture him to gain access to him? He clearly remembered that… or did he? Broken Man asks his handler but his handler denies that action. But he remembers it. He does remember it, doesn't he?

Karpov would clean him up, warm him up and give him rest. He spoke softly and made him feel safe and he'd fall asleep out of sheer exhaustion only to wake hours later hearing the keys in his cell door and opening his eyes to see Karpov opening the door for his tormentors again. No! No! You said…. You said… you lied. You lied!

"I didn't lie to you, Soldat," he says as he cares for your injuries. "No one cares about you… except me." He lays his hand gently upon your head and the contact makes you hungry for more. But you know he is lying… and he does it often and he does it so easily. You wonder if he believes his lies… you begin to doubt yourself, you question everything around you, you've been questioning it all for months, for years… but the lies continue and you know they are lies but they make you question yourself, your sanity… you begin to lose confidence in the things you think you know, you become uncertain of everything… of even the simplest of matters.

Day to day, even hour to hour, his own words contradict him from one moment to the next. His words don't match his actions… not always and that confuses you. He denies having said it, but you know he did. He tells you to prove it and you know you can't. He steers you into a corner and you lose... every time.

Day after day... You know what he said. He denies ever saying it. You know what he did. He denies ever doing it. He makes you question your memory. Perhaps he is right. He never said it. He didn't do it. You question your reality because it's easier to accept his.

He tells you that the people you love are not worthy of that love. He tells you that your sister doesn't love you or she would have moved the earth to find you. He says the same about Steve Rogers… "til the end of the line" was THE LIE. Karpov tells you that Steve is dead and your sister never existed. She was just a delusion of your broken mind. You choose to not believe those lies… until you can't fight them anymore. Time. It's never ending.

As the lies and deception continue, methodically and constantly, over years… the Broken Man begins to change the way he thinks and feels and the way he sees his world; his world within a Hydra cell.

The self-confidence you once wore like armor, is now shattered. You are now a shadow of your former self and reality falls away. Your reality and your whole being becomes that of your abuser. Karpov is the only person in the world who cares about you. You now know that when he tears you down with words, belittles you and dehumanizes you… he didn't mean it. He tears you down, BUT he always builds you back up. It didn't matter that he was going to tear you down again, because you knew he'd lift you up again after. His praise for you was all that mattered… and it is all the proof you need… to know that Karpov isn't all bad.

The constant and consistent confusion you experienced for many years caused you to constantly search for clarity. Karpov would give you that now and again and you hungered for that reward. You needed Karpov because the world was confusing and Karpov would answer your questions and make it all clearer. You didn't always understand the answer, but sooner or later it would be made clear to you. It wasn't Karpov's fault that you're crazy. He tried to keep you safe and to explain the world to you when confusion battled with reality. He reassures you that he cares about you even though you are crazy, but that means you need him and will always need him to set things straight in your head… because everyone else is a liar. Everyone else is against you, everyone else wants to hurt you and cause you pain… and they will. They will hurt you. They will try to kill you. They will say they are your friend and they will say they want to help you, but… everyone is a liar… except Karpov.

In a faraway place in his mind, he can see Karpov's face and you feel Karpov's hands upon your head. You can hear his voice. His touch makes you hunger for human contact.

You are never to show that desire. They will only take it from you, so you keep it buried deep inside where it is safe. Want and desire are evil things that take your focus off what is important. He warns you of this repeatedly so you hide it… deep, deep inside. These distractions do not make a good soldier. You want to be a good soldier, don't you? Yes. You want to please me, yes? Yes.

And then they told you he was gone. They told you Karpov had died. That wasn't true. You refuse to believe he would leave you. They killed him. They took away the one person who cared about you. Now you are alone. In a world you cannot trust. In a world where everyone wants to hurt you… you are completely alone. And they all want you dead.

They came to his cell and there was no Karpov to keep them at bay. There was no one to care. They had killed his handler. They took him away. But he could feel his touch… upon his head. You can feel his touch and you reach up to grasp the hand upon your head.

You look up to see that it isn't Karpov… it was a lie. Another lie.

You don't know this person; this person touching you in this familiar way.

He lifted his head, looking up to see who was caressing his hair, the vision was blurred and distorted but even with that he could clearly see it was not Karpov touching him. It was a stranger, a red-haired woman he didn't recognize. She must be a doctor – one of those pain doctors, he figured. Without Karpov he was on his own with no backup and that realization, along with the closet sized room they were in, triggered him to react for his own self-preservation… just as he was trained to do.

He stands up to face this violator.

Natasha gasped in surprise when she suddenly found herself in the Soldier's vice-like grip. Coming out of his fugue state with lightning speed, he'd moved so fast that he broke the strap across his chest and both she and Steve were caught completely off guard.

His hand shot up and wrapped around her forearm as he suddenly stood from the chair. He kept her in his grip as he spun around to assess the situation. The small room tilted in his vision and he stumbled to the left, pulling the woman with him as he caught his balance. Through blurred vision he could see a tall, blond man a step away from him – too tall to be Pierce, but wait… he was dead too, wasn't he? Who were these people? What did they want with him? The lighting in this tiny room was bright and it disoriented him. Hydra base was not bright, it was not clean, this wasn't right!

More quickly than it takes time to tell, the Winter Soldier had emerged, assessed his surroundings and the strange people with him in an absurdly small room. He grabbed the woman and stood, spinning around he kicked the wheeled chair into the man's legs. Steve tried to push the chair out of the way as the Soldier pinned Natasha to the far wall with his metal hand wrapped around her throat. He glared at her with zero recognition.

Steve finally got past the wheelchair and could see Natasha's face turning a deep shade of red. The Soldier was strangling her in his metal grip as Steve came up behind him attempting to pull him off. He wrapped his arm around the Soldier's neck and tried to force him backward so he'd release Natasha. Instead, the Soldier used Steve's solid hold as leverage to lift his feet off the floor and as he released the woman's throat, planted both feet on the wall beside her and pushed back with all his might, sending himself backward and his assailant with him.

Steve's back hit the wall behind him and the Soldier's hands were grappling at his arm now locked around his neck. Across from them, Natasha gasped for air and once she was able to get herself back under control, grabbed the chair and quickly folded it up, shoving it in a corner. She turned toward the two super soldiers and Steve told her to stay back. She desperately wanted to help him but she knew she was no match for either of them and would only hinder Steve's ability to do what he needed to do to keep them all safe.

Instead, she moved into the far corner and tapped her earwig. When she heard the distinct sound of an open connection she called for assistance. "Avengers! We need back up!"

Clint's voice was the first she heard. "Natasha! Are you guys okay?"

"The Soldier woke up in a violent state! Steve has him under control for now –."

"Under control-?" Steve ground out between clenched teeth as he continued to try to wrangle the Soldier who was fighting back as if his very life depended on him winning this match.

"Get Bruce and meet us below when the doors open!" she nearly had to shout to be heard over the scuffle taking place only feet away from her.

"We'll be there!" he shouted back. He could hear Steve trying to calm the Soldier verbally and it was clear by the sounds coming over his earpiece that a heavy scuffle was taking place inside that elevator.

The airwave stayed open and she could hear Clint and the others scrambling to their aid and then Dr. Banner's voice came over the line. "Natasha… tell me exactly what happened." She relayed to him how the Soldier had been acting before his outburst and described everything quickly for him up to the present moment. "Hang on," he said, "We're on our way."

As Banner assured her there would be help waiting when the doors opened, Steve dragged the Soldier to the floor. The Soldier tried to loosen Steve's locked arms, but he couldn't get any leverage, so he planted his feet on the floor. Natasha recognized the move he was attempting to make; she'd seen it done by many operatives over the years. Few of them had the physical strength and agility to complete it as cleanly as the Winter Soldier. If he could maneuver his body into position he'd be able to flip himself up and over to break Steve's grip and get the upper hand.

Natasha reacted without thinking it through and surged forward. Just as the Soldier lifted his body up into an arc, preparing to do a back flip over Steve, she dropped down on top of him in the safest place she could see… right between his legs. She moved over him to press her body into his. Steve's eyes opened wide when he saw Natasha not only get herself involved, but put herself in the same physical space as the assassin.

"Natasha! No! Get away!" Steve tried to warn her but it was too late.

The Soldier's body dropped back down as he gave up on his plan but saw a new opportunity. His metal hand let go of Steve's arm and came up to wrap around Natasha's face and an image from the movie 'Aliens' flashed through Steve's head.

"Noooo!" Steve shouted, knowing that bionic hand could crush the bones in Nat's face with the slightest squeeze.

Instead of crushing her, the Soldier simply drove Natasha to the floor. Shifting his shoulders as he flipped her onto her back he pressed her to the floor beside them with his hand still planted on her face. She grabbed his wrist with both hands but she couldn't loosen his grip. Steve suddenly pushed the Soldier away from him so he could better defend Natasha. As he put space between himself and the Winter Soldier, Natasha was able to bring her legs up and wrap them around the Soldier's head. Spinning all of her weight, as slight as her frame was, the sudden change in direction caused him to lose his balance along with his grip on her.

She plowed the Soldier to the floor with her signature Black Widow move and was able to hold him there for only a few seconds before he pushed her off. She slammed into the wall, but she'd given Steve enough time to get himself positioned to take over. As the Soldier pushed Natasha away, Steve dropped down on top of him and the two men grappled in a vicious display of brute strength. Natasha slid as far away from them as she could get as she watched with serious concern for both men. The Soldier was able to drive Steve to the floor and began pummeling him with his metal fist. Steve covered his head as he tried to get his feet between them to try to push the Soldier off.

The elevator doors suddenly slid open to Natasha's surprise and relief. She hadn't realized they reached the sub-level and the team was there waiting for them as promised. It took Sam and Clint only a second to survey the action before moving inside to help Steve.

"RAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" the Soldier roared as he was overpowered and outnumbered.

Tony stepped inside carefully; trying to stay clear of the Soldier's flailing legs as his teammates dragged him off Steve. He reached out to Natasha and she took his hand. She was pulled off the floor and out of the elevator just as Tony was nearly taken down by a leg sweep. The Soldier was in a state of near panic as he continued to fight with everything he had against the team who was actually trying to help him.

As Sam and Clint pulled the Soldier backward toward the door, he kicked out and caught Steve on the right cheek with his foot. Stunned, but not down, Steve lunged forward and used the weight of his body to pin the Soldier to the floor. As he squirmed under Cap's weight, Sam and Clint were forced to let go or get dragged down with him. Steve used the wall of the elevator to plant his feet and straightened his legs, and that move pushed the Soldier's head into the corner under the control panel.

Bruce knelt down close, positioning himself near the door as he scrambled in his bag and Steve caught sight of the syringe Banner had retrieved from the bag. He watched as Bruce pulled the cap off the needle and pushed the plunger to be sure there were no air bubbles in the liquid and then he looked at Rogers and gave him a nod. "I need his neck," he instructed.

Steve understood, remembering a similar incident in the infirmary bathroom. He shifted his weight atop the Soldier and pressed his forearm into Bucky's throat, using his elbow to force his chin up and away. Clint and Sam were able to get a solid hold on his legs and pressed them to the floor.

"AHHHHHHHH! Noooooooo!" The Soldier shouted, now unable to defend himself. "Noooooo! Don't!"

They ignored his words so he switched to Russian. "Ofstan' ot menya! Otpravit'sya!"

Steve pressed his elbow into the Soldier's throat. He was unable to speak and became still as he focused now on the fact that he couldn't breathe. "Bruce! Now!"

He held the Soldier's face nearly pressed against the wall as the Soldier began to resist again. Banner slid into the elevator just enough to jab the needle into the man's neck and pushed the plunger down. As the needle buried itself in the Soldier's neck, he froze; not wanting it to break off under his flesh. He could feel the warmth of the liquid spread through his neck and shoulder and up into his face. Dr. Banner delivered the medication and quickly pulled the needle out and sat back. Steve looked to him for guidance.

"It should only take a moment," Bruce told him.

The three Avengers remained in place and a few seconds later all three clearly felt all the tension leave the Soldier's body. As soon as his muscles relaxed, Clint and Sam were able to release their tight hold on his legs and sat up on their knees to catch their breath. Steve relaxed his arm on the Soldier's throat and reached down to turn his face toward him. He studied his friend's face, trying to assess if he'd been injured during the scuffle. His eyes were still open but glazed over and unseeing. Steve dropped his head, pressing his cheek to Bucky's as he took a moment to catch his breath.

"Let's get him to his room," Bruce suggested softly.

Steve nodded and sat back on his knees, pulling the Soldier up into a sitting position against him. He looked up to see Sam and Clint now on their feet waiting. "Okay," he said and the two men leaned down to pull the Soldier up onto his feet and dragged him out of the elevator. Steve remained on his knees for a moment, head down and panting, realizing now that Bucky's emergence earlier was not the end of the line for them. Having Bucky back for the afternoon, spending time reminiscing with his old pal had caused him to drop his guard and the reality of the situation settled on him again like a lead blanket.

Natasha reached down to rest her hand on his shoulder and he looked up at her. Seeing her disheveled appearance and the bruising starting to show around her throat triggered him to react. He got to his feet quickly to check her injuries.

"I'm okay, Steve," she assured him. He swept her hair away from her face to search for any facial injuries as she lightly protested. "Steve… really, I'm okay. I've taken much worse hits before," she told him.

He looked at her and the two friends locked eyes. She smiled to reassure him and Steve pulled her into a tight embrace. They stood there for a few seconds, gathering strength from each other before separating and moving towards Barnes' room.

TBC'd