Chapter 11: The Accidental Date Acquisition

A group of goblins had been willing to go with them to Russia to hunt a giant or two. Giants, especially ones that were quick to follow Voldemort, were bad for business (and old enemies of the Goblins). So the Goblins got their usual Giant hunting gear and met them in the Urals. The Goblins formed a perimeter with their Giant Killer weapons just in case the Junior Rodeo didn't work.

As for the whole Junior Rodeo thing…it kind of worked. Once Penny saw how gigantic a Giant actually was, she realized that she needed a slightly different tactic and a different angle. She had muttered something about Hoth and asked Eleanor if she could fly. Before Eleanor could pull out her broomstick, a familiar hippogriff appeared. Eleanor showed Penny how to approach Buckbeak. Then Penny hopped onto Buckbeak's back and took off. Eleanor pulled out her old Firebolt and took off after them. She provided the distraction while Penny wrapped the rope around the Giant's legs. When the giant tried to move, they fell down with a loud thunk.

The Goblins moved in for the kill and they repeated it twice more before they called it quits for the day. The Goblins portkeyed out with the bodies. The blood would likely go to the vampire town they were building in England. As for the rest of the Giant…well Eleanor didn't really want to think about that or ask. So they decided to go for ice cream before Penny had to get back and get ready for her bartending shift at the Cheesecake Factory. Penny had refused to call out because it was Raj's date night, and she wanted to see that train wreck.

"I can see why you like this place, Eleanor," she remarked.

This time she was eating a double scoop of 'Who's a Good Boy?,' a peanut butter, maple syrup and bacon flavored concoction that strangely worked. The wolf in Eleanor had been really happy with the bite that Penny had given her. That said she couldn't pass up her usual Black Madness (which Penny finally tried and admitted was good despite the questionable red liquid that might or might not be blood).

"One of my best summers was spent here eating ice cream and working on summer assignments. The ice cream helped make the essays palatable."

"So, this is where you get the takeout from, right?"

"Yes. I'll pick up some more for the apartment before we leave the alley this time. Do you want to go shopping here for other things or head on back?"

"Can we get some clothes?"

Eleanor sent Penny a look, "Do you really want robes, Penny? They're not very flattering. Your outfit from earlier looks much better than the best robes."

Eleanor was pleased to see Penny smile at the compliment.

"Well, it's more that I want a very specific set of robes," admitted Penny, "Hogwarts robes."

"Why?"

"Role-play, Eleanor."

"Penny, I've been a Hogwarts student. Why would I want to role-play as one?"

"Oh, Honey, we really need to pop your cherry. Honestly, kind of surprised I lasted this long without jumping your bones. My relationships are usually a lot more physical," Penny shook her head, "Anyway we won't be playing out the entire Hogwarts experience just a couple select parts."

"Like what?"

Penny cleared her throat and then adopted a very husky voice, "Professor, I'm really worried about my grades in your class. Is there anything that I can do to raise my grade? Anything at all," she asked as she pointedly looked down at Eleanor's hips.

"Oh," replied Eleanor blushing.

"Oh indeed," drawled an unwelcome familiar voice.

Eleanor had to keep herself from flicking her wand into her hand and cursing the voice's owner into oblivion. Instead, she turned slowly and looked at a Severus Snape who was strangely different. He had an actual look of amusement on his face, not one of cruel mocking that used to be there. The air around him seemed a bit lighter as if a decision had been made that resolved something that had been haunting him. He seemed a bit more at peace and the lingering taint of the Dark Mark was completely gone.

"I should be grateful that none of my students ever thought to utter those lines in that tone of voice," continued Severus Snape.

"You taught at Hogwarts," asked Penny.

"Yes, until a former friend of mine re-appeared. Then I did my one year in the cursed position and was given the boot. I do not recall seeing you among my students."

"Well, I'm American. Eleanor and I are only over here because she said the ice cream was to die for."

"The Professor was asking for your name, Penny," replied Eleanor with an amused smile, "Though I imagine he still found the context useful if he didn't manage to place your accent."

There was a slight smirk on the ex-Professor's face following her reply.

"As far as introductions go, I'm Eleanor Black. My companion is Penny Summers."

He arched an eyebrow, "Black?"

"It is remarkably common among the No-Maj," she explained.

Eleanor could tell that Snape knew exactly who she was somehow, but with his usual antagonism gone she was more willing to allow this to continue to whatever its conclusion actually was.

"Severus Snape. Severus, I suppose if I may use your first names?"

Eleanor nodded, while Penny replied, "Sure. There was a cursed position at a school?"

"Yes, Defense Against the Dark Arts. No one has lasted more than a year since roughly 1950. Something would always happen. One particularly notable Professor tried to cast a memory charm with a broken wand and incompetently gave himself partial amnesia. In my own case, a prat named Potter decided that I was tainting the school with my continued presence and that I had to go. Since I had no reason to stay and my goaler had no reason to keep me, I was given the boot."

"Did you get severance pay?"

Eleanor and Severus each began laughing at that. Eleanor recovered first.

"Penny, honey, it's Hogwarts. Paying Severus his severance pay would have been an unusual display of competence."

"It would have also been acknowledgment by the Headmaster that my teaching tactics and abuse of the intra school competition were done with his blessing rather than his willful ignorance. No, Penny, I was sacked with cause with no references provided."

"That sucks."

Severus actually shrugged, "It is by far a better outcome than I was expecting. I was expecting to either go straight to jail or find a new bed six feet down. Speaking of the latter, the Astronomy Tower?"

"Easier to explain discrepancies after a fall from that high. I also expected the usual level of competency."

"I believe that Poppy figured it out but chose to say nothing. As for myself, on my employment at Hogwarts, I swore a rather specific oath. It was an oath to protect my former friend's child. Regardless of how many children she wound up having, the oath was made with a very specific child in mind."

Penny's eyes narrowed and she looked from Severus Snape to Eleanor who nodded slightly to confirm her guess.

"Should he be on the Junior Rodeo list," she asked, eying him up.

"I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. Double-jeopardy is one of those 'quaint' No-Maj ideas as far as Britain is concerned. He also intervened in my favor frequently even if it didn't appear to be the case."

Penny shot her a questioning look.

"By letting the Slytherins get away with minor tricks against me, he convinced them that those tricks were all that they needed to do to succeed. So, they never looked for other weapons, never improved and remained both predictable and far less deadly than they could have been."

"That's a horrible way to be helpful."

"It's better than the 'thoughts and prayers' hogwash you hear a lot," Eleanor replied, "So what do you want?"

"Preferably to make sure that oath I swore doesn't kill me like it attempted to on Halloween."

"Well luckily those rituals only work once. I just had my usual poor timing."

"So, still living in 'interesting times' Eleanor," he drawled.

"He's who you get the drawl from," asked Penny, cutting back into the conversation, "You know the one you use when the guys are being particularly stupid."

"Well, I'm glad you did learn something from my class, Eleanor."

"My nose doesn't particularly like potions these days. If they hadn't shown up, I likely still would have bowed out thanks to who was at the Ministry."

"Do you need that monthly concoction," he asked, picking up the hint.

"No. It mutated thanks to 2nd year and it's further mutated thanks to a certain Wallachian pain in the neck."

"Blood replenishing potions then," he asked looking at Penny who blushed.

"Not yet. You do know that I'm living mostly Muggle right?"

"I'm a half-blood who has kept up with both sides of their heritage," replied Severus.

"Alright. Well luckily for you Debbie's got a spare room that you can use and a potions laboratory."

"I keep meaning to ask, but Eleanor, who's Debbie?"

"Wolowitz's mother," she replied as an evil smile came to her face as she realized just how satisfying it would be to inflict Severus Snape on Wolowitz.

[Scene Change/Load Game]

With a couple hours to kill before Penny got off work, Eleanor booted up the Xbox and allowed Anora to take point as she once again found herself in the galaxy of Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic.

Why oh why couldn't they have selected a landing platform that wasn't right next to the Jedi enclave. Anora, or as she told the others Lou De Mort, was getting tired of the judgmental glares from the hypocritical Jedi. No emotion, her pert slightly furry arse. She could feel the annoyance and disapproval emanating from the Jedi. She slipped away from the enclave and was unsurprised to see Bastila Shan waiting for her.

"You don't like it here," she said accusingly.

"I don't like being a sitting target."

"Explain."

"Revan was a Jedi. Specifically, he was a Jedi who spent time here. Now if he spent time here, who else spent time here?"

Bastila's eyes widened as she realized the point Anora was making.

"I'll go talk to the Council."

It was a few hours later when Bastila found her again about an hour away from the nearest settlement butchering kath hound corpses.

"Why?"

"The meat will give us a few meals without having to dip into rations. Twi'leks, Wookies and Wolvar aren't exactly herbivores, after all. The pelts will be getting turned in for the bounty. Ordo's dealing with the Mandos that are being idiots and conducting raids on a planet with an active Jedi presence."

"No, I meant why tell us about the risk of the Sith attacking."

"I can hardly complain about you Jedi letting the Outer Rim burn and then turn around and let Dantooine burn because of my own pettiness. This way if it burns, it's on you and the Jedi. Not me."

"You could do more," she countered.

"If the Jedi don't take the threat of their former colleagues seriously, none of these settlers will. They haven't even taken the Manos and Kath Hounds seriously. I learned long ago not to beat my head against the durasteel wall trying to warn people who don't want to be warned."

"You're very cynical."

Anora nodded and continued preparing the kath hounds.

Seeing as Bastila wasn't going to leave, Anora sighed and re-engaged her in conversation, "How long will we be here?"

"Until he completes his training."

"You mean until he re-learns his training," she looked at the shocked Jedi, "You Jedi might be able to tinker with his mind and memories but even you can't alter scents. Why are we even at this Jedi Enclave? Surely, there are others. Tython for instance?"

"Revan and Malak found something here. Something that started their journey to the Dark Side."

Anora paused. That was a departure from the most recent party line that the Jedi were pushing. Last she heard, the Jedi were saying Revan and Malak started falling the moment they decided to go against the various Jedi Councils and take the fight to the Mandalorians.

"You mean whatever is producing the ships and infantry armor they're using. I do not know what it is. They left me and Karath behind and took a side trip. I never did figure out what they found."

"You think something is producing the Sith ships?"

"I know something is. They most certainly weren't given those ships."

"Is there anything you can tell the Council?"

Anora paused again. This time she heard a definitive warning from the Force.

"Not at this time. They need to focus on preparing to defend Dantooine from the actualized threats, not worrying about what lurks in the shadows."

[Loading Screen]

Naver had asked both Bastila and Anora to accompany him on the way to his third trial. Canderous was wrapping up the last of the Mandalorians. Zaalbar was preparing the ship along with Carth Onasi for their upcoming trip. Mission was likely playing Pazaak with one of the settlers.

They approached the grove where the last trial was said to take place. The area was steeped in the Dark Side. However, it wasn't the evil Dark Side like Malak. The Dark Side here was born of fear.

"Lou, can you shift and scout it out," asked Naver.

Anora gave him a look. She hadn't done that yet while in his company. Bastila just looked confused.

"Sure. Don't slice up the wolf."

She shifted into a large black furred dire wolf with green eyes and padded off, leaving a dumbfounded Bastila and a smirking Naver behind her. She approached the small set of ruins by the orchard and was surprised to find a Cathar sitting there. The Cathar got up and drew her lightsaber, igniting it. She looked around suspiciously before she noticed Anora. Anora tilted her head looking at the Cathar woman.

"You're not a kath hound," remarked the woman confused, "Why aren't you attacking me like the rest?"

Anora did the wolf equivalent of a shrug and padded forward, staying just out of reach of the fallen Jedi's blade. The Cathar woman unignited her blade and holstered it then crept cautiously closer to Anora.

"Why does the Force say that I can trust you? You're a hound of some sort. My kind have never gotten along with canines."

Anora laid down on the ground looking up at her. The Cathar sat down and began petting Anora. Anora let her tail wag to encourage the Cathar who was looking better as she continued to pet Anora. It was as if she had found a way to stop thinking about whatever had caused her to fall to the darkness.

"I allowed myself to get angry and struck out at my Master during lightsaber practice. I…ran when I realized what I did. I…just couldn't stop thinking about it. I wounded and maybe killed my Master. With the Sith war happening that's likely a death sentence. They can't allow a risk to the Jedi Order when so many are turning to the Sith as it is."

They sat in silence for a bit.

"Should I just turn myself in? Get my execution over with."

Anora growled at that.

"I can't just stay here. I'll fall again and I can't always rely on you to pull me out."

Anora gave her a look, got up, shifted herself a few feet and placed her head in the Cathar's lap.

"You want me to come with you," asked the woman.

Anora nodded.

"You're a very impressive hound but how…," she trailed off as she reached back out with the Force, "You're not just a hound are you?"

Anora remained in her spot but shifted. She was surprised to see the Cathar blush when the woman fully observed Anora, whose head was still in her lap.

"I'm a Wolvar," explained Anora, "Do you feel better?"

"Surprisingly, yes. I don't know how it worked though. The Jedi said there's no coming back from the Dark Side."

"Of course they'd say that. They deny their own emotions, so they have no idea what to do with them once they're confronted by the emotions that 'lead' to the Dark Side. Sometimes you just need to talk to someone or something that's not judging you before you open your mouth."

"That makes sense…um…shouldn't we be getting up?"

Anora shrugged, "Are you actually ready to deal with other beings or do you need more time with just the two of us?"

The Cather's blush deepened, "Um…I think we should change locations. I don't want to stay too close to where I was when I fell."

"Alright," replied Anora, getting up and extending a hand to help the Cathar up, "I'm going by Lou De Mort these days."

"The Wolf of Death," asked the woman, "I don't think it really fits you. Is there another name I can call you?"

"Anora."

"Juhani….so where do we go now?"

"Well, we could both probably use a trip to the refresher and cleaning facilities. Luckily for both of us, I know a ship that has good facilities."

She led them off in the opposite direction from Naver and Bastila, barely noticing Juhani's blush return.

[Save Game - Exit Game]

Eleanor exited the game with a blush on her own face. It was definitely clear that Juhani was interested in her…character (?) in the game. Eleanor wasn't sure what to do about it. She was, however, going to pause the game until she had a chance to talk to Penny about…whatever this was. It was one thing to know that both Magic and her increasingly Olympian nature would make her want to sleep around but another thing to feel the impulses.

She looked at the clock. Penny should be on the way back from work. She decided to head outside and greet her there. She got out there and was surprised to see Sheldon walking back to the apartment building with an Indian woman.

"Lalita, I'm pretty sure the social convention for sharing an amicable dinner does not include you walking me back to the apartment."

"Perhaps I simply wanted to spend a bit more time with the wonderful gentleman who compared me to a Princess," offered the woman with a warm smile.

Sheldon looked completely flummoxed as to how to proceed so Eleanor decided to step in and save him.

"Hello Sheldon," she said with her own smile as she approached them.

"Hello Eleanor," replied Sheldon, who looked relieved to be able to seize onto a familiar social interaction, "May I introduce you to Ms. Lalita Gupta. She runs her own dental practice and is Princess Panchali brought to life."

Eleanor couldn't help the slight upward movement of her eyebrows as Sheldon called his companion a princess incarnate. She looked at Lalita who looked pleased with Sheldon but was wary about Eleanor.

"A pleasure to meet you Ms. Gupta," Eleanor replied.

"Likewise," replied Lalita, "So how do you know Sheldon?"

"I live across the hall from him with my girlfriend, Penny. I thought I'd surprise her by coming downstairs to meet her."

Lalita seemed to relax slightly at that.

"So did Sheldon comport himself well on your date," asked Eleanor.

"He was the perfect gentleman," replied Lalita with a smile, "It is very rare to find someone who both compares a woman to a Princess and can sit through dentistry talk without wincing or getting bored. He also didn't complain about the spiciness of the Indian food at the restaurant we went to."

"Nice going Sheldon," replied Eleanor, somewhat surprising Lalita, "It's good for you to get a couple more friends outside the usual group of guys. Which isn't to say that I don't understand your disinclination to socialize but the guys can't really prepare you for all the social conventions you're missing. So is there going to be a second date?"

Sheldon blinked.

"I'd like there to be," admitted Lalita, looking at Sheldon.

"Sheldon, did you enjoy yourself with Lalita," asked Eleanor.

"Yes, I did."

"And the dinner was just the two of you right?"

"Yes."

"Well on completion of an enjoyable first date the social convention is that the parties exchange contact information and schedule a second date. If that is also enjoyed by both parties, then a third date is made."

"Are you sure that's how the convention works?"

"Yes, Sheldon. Penny tells me that's how it's supposed to go, and she's got more experience on that front than either of us."

"Okay then."

He and Lalita exchanged contact information and came to an agreement that Lalita would reach out when she had a chance to look at her schedule. With the way that Sheldon was looking at her, Eleanor had a sneaking suspicion that she would be getting roped into helping him with the date negotiations despite her own inexperience.

"I'll send you a text around 7 pm tomorrow so we can start talking about the second date," said Lalita, "That's assuming the last dentist appointment doesn't run over. Some people only come to the dentist when there's a major problem, we find other problems that they didn't know about and then they expect us to get the issues fixed the exact same day."

"That must be incredibly frustrating," remarked Sheldon, "Well I hope you have a good night, Lalita."

"You too Sheldon. Do you have a moment to talk, Eleanor? I'd like to pick your brain on a few things."

"I can spare a few minutes. Would you like me to walk you back to your car or would you like to join me in my loft?"

"I've got an early appointment tomorrow, so it would be best if I started heading to the car."

Eleanor inclined her head and allowed Lalita to lead her back to the car park. Once they were out of sight of Sheldon, Lalita grabbed her and slammed her into a wall. She saw a wooden stake appear in the woman's hand.

"Does conjuring the stake actually work," asked Eleanor nonchalantly.

"You're pretty calm for a vampire who's about to be impaled," remarked Lalita.

"Because you're not actually going to go through with it. Killing me ruins your chances with Sheldon as he knows the two of us went off this way. Knowing him, he's waiting for me to return so that he can walk me up and interrogate me about why I pushed him toward this 'second date social convention.' You're threatening me, not killing me. I answered your implied question, it's only fair you answer mine."

"It works if you're a daughter of Kali," replied Lalita sharply, "Other than my own interest in Sheldon, why shouldn't I just end you here?"

"Because a vampire can't operate in Los Angeles without a certain god's permission and blessing. Do you really think I'd still be alive if he objected? There's also the fact that I haven't been going around draining people and creating ghouls. Lastly, there's the slight problem that if my blood gets on you, you'll likely die from the Basilisk venom before your divine parent can save you."

Lalita's eyes widened at that, and her eyes flicked up to Eleanor's forehead. On seeing the scar, she vanished the conjured stake.

"My friends the Patils mentioned you. They were both under the impression you died after your parents came back. Something about you finding out that you would have been married to the pig Weasel."

Eleanor scowled, "Between learning that, overhearing that I was supposed to die to remove Voldie's taint from the world and Greyback at the Ministry, I knew I wouldn't last long unless I convinced everyone I no longer existed. As it was, they still nearly killed me. Damn disownment ritual and Black family judgment happening simultaneously would have done me in if not for The Vampire."

"Guess that overrides everything else," observed Lalita.

"Is there a reason why you have my girlfriend pinned against the wall," asked Penny's voice which was laden with danger.

Lalita and Eleanor both turned their heads toward Penny's voice. She was standing with her hands on her hips looking ready to pummel Lalita into the ground.

"I thought she was a rogue vampire," admitted Lalita, letting go of Eleanor and stepping away from the wall, "If I had realized who she actually was, I wouldn't have threatened her."

Eleanor arched an eyebrow, "Really?"

"Yes. You did save Padma and Parvati from the Basilisk. It could have easily targeted and killed them if you hadn't slain it. As long as you don't go on a bloodthirsty rampage, the least I can do in thanks is ignore your status and the occasional disappearance."

"MACUSA gave me an acceptable targets list. Plus, apparently video game kills count for me."

"What?!"

Both Penny and Lalita were looking at her as if she'd gone insane.

"Um…so apparently Magic takes me into a video game."

"Honey, I'm going to need a lot more than that."

"I don't think I'm going to be able to focus unless I hear the explanation for that myself," admitted Lalita, "Fuck, I'm not going to get much sleep."

"Eleanor can pop you back a few hours if you don't mind giving her a hug."

"How?"

Eleanor disabled the notice-me-not charm around her ears so that Lalita could see her earrings.

"I took these as compensation for not suing the British Ministry into the ground for the Dementors, Triwizard Tournament and Umbridge's fucking antics."

"Alright then. Drinks," asked Lalita.

"Sure."

"Let me go check and see if Sheldon's waiting for me really quick," interjected Eleanor, "Since I was pretty heavy-handed in steering him toward a second date with Lalita, he might be waiting to both ask questions and register his complaints. I'll be back in a couple minutes one way or the other."