Today was the day! Muck the garden gnome was so pleased that it did not even bother them that they had to sleep under the stinky peony bush all night. They shook the morning dew off their potato shaped head and ducked through the plant's low leaves to wake the rest of their family. Lump and Clump were already awake wringing out beetle guts for breakfast as elders Dirt, Soil, and Stone stirred and worked out their joints. This was the last year they would attend the Weasel Funfair. Of course, they had been saying that for the last decade or so but you never knew when it would be true. Muck bent over their sibling Mud and gave them a short sharp bite in the head.

"Good morning damp face! The ground is warm! The sky is clear! The rutabagas are ready to rustle!" (Muck did not have an inside voice.)

Mud jumped up and gave Muck a kick in the tuckus. "Good morning to you too, dry tooth! Are you ready to lose to me again this year?!" (No gnome has an inside voice.)

Just before Muck was able to retort that Mud had not in fact won last year and had only barely made it over the low stone wall around the garden, Clay, Clod, and Glob tumbled under the peony's dark broad leaves.

"The redheads are coming!"

"They are early!"

"You were supposed to be on watch!"

"I was looking, you were just distracting me!"

"I'll rip your toes off!"

"I'll rip your…"

"Enough!" Stone squeaked "We can still play the game! Everyone out into the garden! The farthest thrown wins!" Stone slurped the last of some beetle bits off the bridge of his big bumpy nose. They were gone in a flash that belied their old age and previous sore joints. They were quickly followed by Lump and Clump who intertwined their legs and arms and cartwheeled out towards the prized petunia beds.

After years of study the gnomes had discovered that some plants in this garden were more prized by these red headed Weasels and so when they found a gnome near them the Weasels attacked with more vim and vinegar and so when thrown the gnomes would go very much farther. By now Lump and Clump were being chased by an identical pair of Weasels and another shorter one seemed to be headed after where Stone had gone.

"Smell you later!" Mud shrieked as they sped off for the vegetable garden. That was a good spot Muck figured, but they had noticed a new dark haired Weasel they had never seen before. Muck stood back waiting to see if this one had a better arm. Lump and Clump were easily caught before they reached the petunias and the identical Weasels grabbed them by the heads and whipped them in a circle. As Lump and Clump arced over the quaint wall Muck was sure they could hear the red heads talking to the dark haired one about how to de-gnome a garden.

Bah as if gnomes would want to spend all their lives in the neat rows of a vegetable garden or under the smelly flowers the older Weasel seemed to like so much but spending time in the garden did lead to fun. Fun it seemed for both gnomes and humans because as Muck climbed the stalks of the peony they heard one Weasel exclaim they had just set some record. Craning their neck Muck could see Clay and Clod more than twenty dozen gnome lengths beyond the wall, the Glob just a snout farther.

Muck, in their interest, missed the dark haired Weasel coming over to them. As the large hand reached around Muck's head they knew their best chance of beating where Glob had gotten was to make this Weasel mad. So they bit. Bit as hard as their little gnome jaws would allow and soon Muck was flying potato head over tea kettle. The iron taste of blood on their tongue was soon followed by satisfaction as while they had not beat Glob, they saw Mud had once again only been able to plop themselves five dozen gnome lengths over the wall.

Muck laid back down in the dirt as their head spun with dizziness. The sun was rising. Today was going to be a good day.