[FADE IN]
INT. I.M.P. OFFICE - DAY
The I.M.P. office is its usual chaotic self. Moxxie is meticulously cleaning his weapons, Millie is sharpening a large axe with a terrifying grin, and Blitzo is juggling flaming daggers while perched on a stack of old files. Loona, as always, is glued to her phone, earbuds in.
BLITZO (Sing-song) Another day, another slay! I feel a lucrative contract brewing in my feathery little gut!
Millie chuckles, a low, rumbling sound. Moxxie sighs, polishing a bullet to a blinding sheen.
MOXXIE I'm just hoping for something… less messy this time, sir. My suit is still recovering from the last job.
BLITZO Less messy? Mox, darling, where's the fun in that? We're not accountants, we're IMPs! We specialize in glorious, gratuitous…
He trails off as the phone on his desk rings, a harsh, mechanical jangle. He snatches it up.
BLITZO (Into phone, cheery) IMP, the finest assassins in the fiery pits of Hell! Blitzo speaking, how can we help you extinguish the life of some miserable wretch today?
His expression changes drastically as he listens. He goes from theatrical to wide-eyed.
BLITZO (Whispering) A millionaire sinner? A… train? We get to do a… a train robbery?
He looks at the others, practically vibrating with excitement.
BLITZO (Into phone, booming) You've got yourself a deal, my fiendish friend! When and where do we meet?
[CUT TO]
EXT. A SECLUDED MANSION - DAY
The I.M.P. van pulls up to a ridiculously opulent mansion. Smoke curls from the many chimneys, and gargoyles leer from the rooftops. They step out, looking somewhat out of place.
A tall, elegantly dressed imp with a monocle and a cruel smile is waiting for them on the steps. This is LORD BARNABY GRIMSWORTH.
GRIMSWORTH Ah, IMP. So glad you could make it. I trust you are all… professionals?
BLITZO (Bowing theatrically) The most professional you'll find in the seven circles, good sir! Blitzo at your service! And these are my… esteemed associates. Moxxie, Millie, and Loona.
Loona grunts in acknowledgement without looking up from her phone.
GRIMSWORTH (Leading them inside) Excellent. Come in, come in. We have much to discuss. I have a… delicate situation that requires… your unique talents.
INT. GRIMSWORTH'S STUDY - DAY
The study is filled with bizarre artifacts and disturbing paintings. Grimsworth clears his throat.
GRIMSWORTH I require the… removal… of several individuals, all of whom will be aboard the 'Infernal Express' tomorrow night.
He gestures to a large map on the table. A train route is marked in red.
GRIMSWORTH These are the names. A veritable rogues gallery of backstabbers, leeches, and all-around despicable specimens.
He points to several names circled on the map.
GRIMSWORTH And I need them dealt with… discreetly.
BLITZO (Chuckles) Discreet? We're not exactly known for our discretion, Mr. Grimsworth. But we can definitely get the job done.
GRIMSWORTH (Raises a brow) I trust you can make it look… convincing? Perhaps… a train accident?
MOXXIE Sir, that implies a complete disregard for the other passengers!
BLITZO (Waving dismissively) Details, Mox, details! We'll make it fun! We'll do it like a good old-fashioned train robbery!
Millie's eyes light up.
MILLIE Ooh, I always wanted to do a train robbery! With axes, and maybe a dynamite or two?!
GRIMSWORTH (Smirks) As long as they are all… gone… by the time the train arrives at its destination, I'm happy. The larger the display, the better, I suppose. Now, the payment…
Grimsworth slides a large briefcase, filled to the brim with cash, across the table. Blitzo's eyes widen.
BLITZO (Grinning widely) This is going to be fun!
[CUT TO]
EXT. TRAIN TRACKS - NIGHT
The Infernal Express is barreling down the tracks, its lights cutting through the darkness. The I.M.P. team, clad in bandanas and cowboy hats, are perched on a nearby rocky outcrop.
MILLIE (Cackling) Alright, boys and girls! Time for some classic train-robbing action!
BLITZO Moxxie, you get the dynamite! Loona, you handle communication and… make sure no other trains come along. Millie, you're with me! We're going in guns blazing!
MOXXIE (Nervously assembling dynamite) Can we at least try to minimize the collateral damage this time, sir?
Blitzo ignores him. Millie whoops gleefully, swinging her axe.
[MONTAGE]
I.M.P. uses a grappling hook to swing onto the roof of the train. They blast open the door to a passenger car, smoke and sparks flying. The passengers scream in terror as Blitzo and Millie take aim. Moxxie, reluctantly, sets off small explosive charges, opening doors and causing chaos. Blitzo shoots a chandelier, making it crash to the floor. Millie chases terrified sinners through the aisles with her axe, while they fall over themselves trying to escape the axe-wielding country imp. Loona, completely unfazed, is using her phone for what appears to be a live stream of the chaos. Moxxie tries to reason with the terrified sinners, but they just scream louder. A particularly large sinner tries to fight back, but Millie tackles him and slams his head into the wall. Blitzo leaps from seat to seat like a caffeinated parkour master. The "Infernal express" is now a terrifying scene of gunshots, screams, explosions, and general pandemonium.
[END MONTAGE]
INT. TRAIN CAR - NIGHT
The train car is a wreck. The floor is littered with upturned furniture and debris. Most of the passengers have been… "dealt with." Millie is covered in soot and grinning like a shark. Blitzo is twirling his smoking guns. Moxxie is crouched behind a tipped-over table, looking utterly traumatized.
BLITZO (Laughing) That was magnificent! Absolutely magnificent! Did you see that jump, Mox? I stuck the landing like a pro!
MOXXIE (Shaking) It was… violent, sir. Utterly, horribly violent. And I'm fairly certain we caused a bit more collateral damage than is strictly necessary.
MILLIE (Pats Moxxie roughly on the back) Lighten up, Mox! We're getting paid for all this!
LOONA (Sticking her head in from another car) Alright, the deed is done. Let's scram before the train police show up.
BLITZO (Grinning) Lead the way!
[CUT TO]
EXT. TRAIN TRACKS - NIGHT
The I.M.P. van screeches to a halt near the tracks. They pile in, panting and covered in grime, but smiling.
BLITZO (Clapping his hands together) Another job well done, team! Another train robbery for the history books!
Millie & Loona (Cheering) Yeah!
MOXXIE (Sighing) I need a drink.
[CUT TO]
INT. I.M.P. OFFICE - NIGHT
They're back in the office, counting the cash. Loona is back on her phone. Blitzo is still riding the high from the job.
BLITZO (Rubbing his hands together) We're going to be rolling in Sin-bucks for weeks! I'm thinking a vacation! What do you say, team? A little relaxation after all that hard work?
Millie nods enthusiastically, Moxxie just groans.
LOONA (Without looking up) Just keep it quiet. And definitely don't bring any of your train robbery props.
BLITZO (Grinning) Spoilsport!
As Blitzo continues to excitedly talk about the vacation plans, the camera focuses on the discarded, smoking dynamite on the table and then pans to the chaos of the I.M.P. office before fading to black.
[FADE OUT]