Diary of a Little Reaper

Hello everyone and welcome to the latest chapter of I'm Too Sober For This! Apologies for the delay on this chapter, things got a little busy on our end. Naturally if you want to know a bit more about that, head on over to my Pat reon and see about becoming a patron! And that's about all I have for announcements and I believe you've all been waiting long enough, so on to the story!

The Underworld: Battlement Near A Town

Lights danced in the sky, erupting one after another in quick succession, like a perpetual fireworks show finale that had forgotten it was supposed to end.

This was no display for the common people to enjoy, however. No, each and every light that lanced through the air was a blast of demonic magic, and every explosion, an impact. For what was occurring in the sky was a battle, one of many skirmishes which had erupted in the Underworld ever since the Khaos Brigade began its crusade against the Maous and the rest of the society that supported them.

A grim-eyed commander gazed out at the spectacle from the high tower he'd been charged with protecting. Ordinarily this post was meant as more of a watchtower, a place where an early warning could be sent from to inform the Maous and their military leaders of an impending attack. Now, however, it had been reinforced with a small garrison, standing as one of the first obstacles the main force of the Khaos Brigade would have to overcome in order to advance towards the cities. Glancing down, the commander noted the battle on the ground was going just as fiercely, with his silver-clad soldiers repulsing attack after attack from the black-armored force.

The scene had been going on for three days now, with the Khaos Brigade attempting probing attack after probing attack against the tower. Today, however, it seemed they may have finally gotten serious about breaking through.

"Commander!" A messenger announced his presence with a salute as he entered the room. "We're receiving a communication!"

"From whom?" The older Devil asked. Instead of answering, the messenger knelt down and generated a red magic seal on the floor. The commander recognized the insignia and instantly dropped to one knee as a projection of Sirzechs himself materialized before him.

"Commander," he greeted, "I see the tower still stands. I take it that means the battle has been going well thus far?"

"The Khaos Brigade is attempting an actual assault today." The commander reported. "I'm certain we can repel them but we're going to need to replenish our forces once the theatre calms down."

"Perhaps this is a sign that we overestimated the number of our enemies." Sirzechs mused. "After their initial assault failed to gain much in the way of major ground, they've been using ambushes and small-scale skirmish tactics to disrupt our forces. Still, it is strange we haven't seen—"

A sudden explosion near their ground forces caused the commander to jump a little before he hurried over to see what the commotion was about. "I hope that isn't who I think it is." Sirzechs remarked.

"It is." The commander answered, dread in his voice. "They've finally shown themselves: the Hero Faction."

And their presence was unmistakable. The flash of a black and gold blade, the sight of a familiar blue spear, accompanied by numerous magic circles, shadows, a beast made of blades. All had come to recognize the descendants of heroes ever since their attack on the Rating Games.

The enemy soldiers pulled back in order to give their leaders room as they tore into the tower's protectors, breaking down a line that had held against numerous attacks in a matter of seconds.

"Fall back and regroup around the tower!" The commander ordered all his troops, even the ones in the sky.

"Commander," Sirzechs spoke up, "If the Hero Faction is here, I'd advise a strategic retreat while setting up a teleportation circle."

"What do you intend to do, my lord?" He couldn't help but question.

"I intend to drop by." The ruler of the Underworld smirked slightly. "If the majority of the Hero Faction is really here, this is a good opportunity to… no, it seems just a retreat would be best right now. I recommend you expedite the order."

"My lord, what is the matter?" The commander questioned. He got his answer when an entire section of his soldiers was suddenly flung into the air by a massive shockwave. It was so powerful that those near the epicenter disintegrated and the tower itself seemed to shake slightly from it. "No, it can't be. Why is she here of all places?"

It was a legitimate question. After all, this battlement, though important in its strategic positioning, should've meant nothing to the entity which had casually wandered across the fields as though on an afternoon stroll.

Funnily enough, the attacking Hero Faction were a bit confused as well. "Did someone request overkill?" Georg asked while adjusting his glasses. "Actually, us being here was already overkill so this is… I don't think excessive is a good enough word either."

"I don't think anyone requested her presence." Cao Cao mused while resting his spear on his shoulder. "More than likely she just wandered here on her own."

"Could she have at least given us a heads up before letting loose with that shockwave?" Perseus groaned while picking himself up off the ground. "Some of our own got caught in that thing."

"If you think it's a good idea to try reprimanding the Ouroboros Dragon, go right ahead." Siegfried offered while directing his comrade's gaze to said dragon. Currently she was finishing a dessert on a plate she'd found among the frontline soldier's supplies. But, as had become common lately, the food didn't satisfy her taste buds and she nonchalantly threw the plate away. It proceeded to crash into the nearby battlement tower, tearing out a huge chunk and causing it to collapse.

"Actually, I think it's a great idea she came along!" Perseus laughed nervously. "She should get some fresh air from time to time."

Everyone rolled their eyes before continuing with their attack, making sure to give the destructive girl a wide berth.

As for Sirzechs, he watched the communication from the seal go dead as his eyes narrowed almost imperceptibly.

"We can plan for nearly everyone in the Khaos Brigade." He breathed out with a sigh. "But Ophis is going to require a different approach."

The Sitri Family Manor

Dear Diary,

It's your favorite half-Reaper, Bennia Orcus, dropping by once again.

I don't have to tell you that things have been crazy lately. I mean sure, I wasn't expecting absolute peace and quiet when I signed up to be part of Rias Gremory's Peerage, but this is next-level stuff. We don't even make it to the Rating Games before things start blowing up because some Zelretch guy decides to drop another Dragon Emperor on us, only he's some twisted alternate version of Buchou's (yes, I have to call her that now) Pawn that's somehow strong enough to take on all the Maous at once and clearly traumatized, but still so childishly obsessed with perverted things that it's hard to take him seriously most of the time.

I once heard him yell without shame that he's a "professional pervert", if that gets the point across.

Fortunately, he's not like the Dragon Emperors here from what I've seen. Best way to describe him is that he acts like a crabby old man that missed his nap, but not all that mean once you get past his grumbling.

Come to think of it, he does look pretty tired every time I see him. He should sleep more.

Anyways, upside is we got a cool training vacation on the Sitri beach out of it, even if I had to stay hidden longer.

Things got even crazier after that when the Queen of Swords himself, Emiya Shirou, decided to cut loose and solo a whole Peerage, making some of the other groups try the same thing just to look like they were just as tough.

I might've tried that myself but Buchou wanted the whole Peerage to go against this Phenex guy she was being forced to marry. Still got to make my awesome debut and while I don't hate Devils like other Reapers do, it was still funny to make one of the nobles shit their pants and nope out of there.

But then, an all-out war starts with a bunch of pricks claiming to be hero descendants spoiling the match of the century between Shirou and Sairaorg by trying to kill or capture everyone in the stadium.

I don't have to tell you but this little Reaper greatly enjoyed dropping an exploding knife in one of their faces. Too bad they happened to bring Ophis the freakin' Infinity Dragon along with 'em. As soon as that barrier was down we hightailed it.

So what are we doing now? Sooooo much stuff like training, prepping, setting up a meeting with the other factions, just so much! Speaking of which, I should probably go check up on everyone.

With that thought in mind, the little Reaper closed her journal, pocketed it, and exited her temporary bedroom.

It had been decided that using the training facilities within this particular mansion would be most efficient considering the Sitri family was quite familiar with all three Peerages and the other Maous stopped by often enough that anything the Peerage members might need from them could be asked for.

Still, it was easy to get lost in such a large place and Bennia couldn't completely remember who was where at what time, so she went for the first door that sounded like it had someone training behind it.

"Do you need something?" Came the voice of the white-haired Momo Hanakai, one of Sona's two Bishops, as the half-Reaper entered. The other one, the brown-haired Rey Kusaka, was also in the room.

"Have you seen Buchou?" Bennia asked. "It's about time for me to get back to training."

"I think she was in the next hall over." Rey answered before closing her eyes. Her specialty was spying and communication magic, so if anyone knew where Rias was it would be her. "No wait, she's down in Training Room #3."

"Thanks Rey." The half-Reaper waved before disappearing in a burst of speed. The two Bishops simply shrugged and went back to practicing their magic.

Bennia's venture took her down a flight of stairs and towards the part of the mansion where the training grounds would be. Just as she stopped at the entrance, she heard the sound of steel against steel. Poking her head in, she observed Kiba, Xenovia, and the girl with reddish-brown hair wielding a katana.

This was Sona's Knight, Tomoe Meguri, and currently the three of them were moving around the training area at high speed, engaged in a three-way spar. Their skill had certainly grown recently considering none of them were landing blows on each other thus far.

'I'll probably be sent here once I talk to Buchou.' Bennia mused as she turned to leave. Unfortunately for a certain someone, her departure wasn't fast enough.

"Steel is my body and fire is my blood!" Kiba declared loudly, causing the little Reaper to pause before sticking her head back in.

"I'm telling Shirou!" Bennia teased. Unfortunately, the swordsman didn't notice her tone.

"No wait, I was just—OW!" That moment of distraction was all that was needed for Kiba to get knocked upside the head by both girls. The little Reaper giggled mischievously before leaving.

'Come to think of it, I wonder what Shirou's doing? You think he'd be training with all the sword-wielders.'

Her curiosity slightly piqued, Bennia headed back down a hallway she'd seen Koneko enter. It was just a hunch, but she suspected the Nekoshou was with the Leviathan's Queen. A hunch which turned out to be correct when she peered into one of the rooms and saw the red-head meeting with Kuroka and her sister.

"You're asking a fair bit of me." The elder sister mused, sitting on a couch next to her sister while Serafall's Queen sat in a chair across from them. "Under most circumstances I wouldn't mind taking on another student, but—"

"That lizard girl isn't coming anywhere near my sister." Shirone hissed. "Just have the monkey train her more."

"Believe me, I would, but he has to go get Yu Long and help prepare the neutral area for the meeting of the Three Factions." I explained. "That makes you the only expert in touki and senjutsu we have right now. We've been working on Karasuba's behavior a bit and I promise she won't be a problem. I'll even be sure to stick close by when you're training her to make sure nothing happens."

"I do love to know you care." Kuroka purred. "But you need to get your own training in, too. After all, the opponent we face isn't someone you can deal with as you are now."

"Unfortunately we don't have a lot of available people right now who could stop Karasuba." I sighed, "I'd get Issei to do it, but we have our own training to do and he's just as likely to be the reason she flies off the handle to begin with. And it's my responsibility to look after my Queen anyway. Once I know she can work better with everyone else I'll focus on my own training. If we're lucky, her being a cat person will keep her from flipping out on you."

"There might actually be a way we can do both, but that's only if you don't find my presence intolerable." The Nekoshou revealed.

"I don't have any issue with you being around." I assured. "I actually intended to go find you at some point so that you and Shirone could bury the hatchet. Admittedly I didn't think very far ahead about what to do after that."

"Did you, now?" Kuroka gave a mischievous smile. "Then perhaps you won't mind taking me on as another small responsibility?"

"Are you asking what I think you're asking?" I raised an eyebrow.

"The pros certainly outweigh the cons." She pointed out. "Your Peerage is still relatively small, not even half the size of a regular Peerage. And your current Bishop is, while probably more dangerous than she looks in several ways, still primarily a healer. But take me as your second Bishop and you'll have plenty of offensive magic of various types at your disposal."

"I don't doubt it." I admitted before gesturing towards Shirone. "But wouldn't it make more sense for you to become part of Rias Gremory's Peerage and be with your sister?"

"If we were facing any other opponent I'd have joined her Peerage already." Kuroka acknowledged. "But we're facing the Khaos Brigade and I know plenty about how strong they are. I'm not so proud that I won't admit my own selfishness in choosing you over Rias. I respect her and owe her greatly for taking care of my dear Shirone, but the fact of the matter is you simply have a much better track record against the Brigade than she—or Sona—does. And my sister spends half her time at your place waiting to be fed anyway, so it's not like I won't be seeing her again."

"So basically you want to become a part of my Peerage because you figure I'll be able to protect you better." I summed up. "Not only that, you'll be under Serafall's protection by extension since I'm the Queen of her Peerage."

"I won't discount that I'll be a good bit stronger with your support. The mutated Bishop piece in me is already a boon, but with a strong leader to enhance it, my abilities will be phenomenal." Kuroka put her hands up in a catlike manner. "But that won't change the fact that I'm still a fair maiden, and heroes protect fair maidens, don't they?"

"You're really going there, aren't you?" I commented while massaging my temple. "I can't deny that having another Bishop would be helpful, especially one with your expertise. I also can't deny that you were a big help in taking down the barrier surrounding the stadium. And we've gone through a laundry list of security precautions to make sure you can't betray us. We're also a target for the Khaos Brigade whether you're here or not, so the only actual issue is… you're a freeloader."

"Me, a freeloader?" The Nekoshou put a hand to her chest in mock offense. "Shirou, I'm helping dear Gasper come out of his shell. The fact that I love playing video games all day simply helps with the matter."

"I have heard some of the things you two say when you're online." I deadpanned. "The saltiest of sailors could learn a thing or two listening to it. Not sure that's the best way to help Gasper, and you play them whether he's there or not. That doesn't even begin to address how many snacks you raid from the kitchen when you think no one's looking."

"You've got a food budget from Serafall." Kuroka reminded cheerfully. "It's not like you're going to run out anytime soon. And between you and those four Pawns, there's never any cleaning for me to do anyway. As for rent," she put her arms under her breasts and lifted them up slightly, "Assuming you were going to make me pay it in the first place, I can give you the greatest experience you've ever had."

"You know Serafall will flash-freeze your organs if you try something like that, right?" I pointed out.

"I won't tell if you won't." The cat woman again smiled with a mischievous glint in her eye.

"You should just marry my sister already." Shirone stated in her usual deadpan manner. "You'll get Serafall off your back, my sister can have strong children, and I'll get to be pampered by my two favorite people. Everyone wins."

Uh…

"You severely underestimate my King if you think she'll allow me to marry someone without a fight." I informed while shaking my head. "You think the ongoing war with the Khaos Brigade is bad, you should see what happens when she mobilizes her fanbase. They don't take prisoners."

"Well even if I'm not going to be Mrs. Emiya today, will you at least consider my proposal for becoming your second Bishop?" Kuroka asked, seeming at least a little more sincere this time.

"I'll discuss it with my Peerage and my King." I sighed. "Again, there aren't a lot of cons, it just so happens that a couple of them involve a lot of pain and misery if it goes poorly."

"I wouldn't want that." The elder Nekoshou admitted. "Even if I don't get strong children out of you, I'd still be remiss that the one who helped my sister is turned to a block of ice because of me. For now let's just discuss details."

It was at this point Bennia figured she'd heard all she needed to hear and continued on.

After another couple minutes of walking she finally found herself at Training Ground #3 where, as she'd been told, Rias currently was along with a couple members of not only her Peerage but one of Sona's as well.

The crimson-haired heiress to the Gremory Family was currently unleashing her power against defensive magic circles meant to act as her targets. She'd recently come up with a new form for her destruction magic which allowed her to fire them off in the shape of small orbs that appeared to radiate black lightning. Over in another part of the training grounds, Akeno was working to cast not only magic but real lightning from her hands and in multiple locations. Closer to the center of the training ground was where everyone else was located.

Saji and local Issei had their Sacred Gears out and were sparring, while also debating about whether Sona or Irina was the better girl. Bennia caught the other two girls, Tsubaki and Sona's blue-haired Rook, Tsubasa Yura, rolling their eyes on occasion. Understandable considering the boys were being loud enough to be heard across the training grounds. The little Reaper didn't let that concern her, instead popping over by Rias.

"Ah, there you are Bennia." She greeted with a quick glance in the shorter girl's direction while continuing to fire off her destruction magic. "Have your magic and stamina recovered?"

"I've had more than enough time." She assured. "So what should I do next, Buchou?"

"Since you worked to enhance your magic earlier I'd say—" Rias began to respond before an unexpected figure appeared in the middle of the training ground.

Otherworld Issei stood shamelessly in front of everyone with his usual emotionless expression, holding what looked like a makeshift hand-crank siren with an antenna that he was currently cranking.

Nobody knew what he was thinking of this time, but everyone tensed and covered their ears.

Strangely enough though, even after a good ten seconds no sound came out.

At least, not a sound that most of them could hear.

"AAAAAHHHH! OOOOOOWWWW!" Both local Issei and Saji were grasping their ears in pain.

"Yep, that seems to be the frequency to pick it up, and it affects the lessers as hypothesized." The Red Dragon Emperor noted as he put the device away before scribbling something down in a little notebook. He glanced up. "Just to be sure, nobody else other than me and the runts heard that, right?"

"No. Were we supposed to?" Rias asked, confused.

"Not from what I can tell. Honestly I'd be very concerned if you did." His vague explanation didn't help anyone feel better. If anything, it sounded like he wasn't responsible for that idiot specific sound that he had just made.

Before anyone could ask what he was talking about, the victims of his experiment popped up in front of him.

"What the shit!? That hurt asshole!" They both yelled at the top of their lungs.

"It was just a test to see if this affected anyone else besides dragons." Otherworld Issei explained, taking out some earplugs. "If it makes you feel better, I've already blasted myself three times with it this morning. I just regained my sense of balance ten minutes ago."

If he expected to get any sense of pity or understanding from the revelation, he would be sorely disappointed.

"At least warn us next time!" Local Issei pointed an accusing finger at his counterpart.

"If you two had seen it coming the results might've been different." The Boosted Gear wielder pointed out shamelessly. "I needed as natural a reaction as possible."

"Okay, why don't I blast an air horn without warning in your ears, I bet we'll get a great natural reaction!" Saji seethed.

"Because I'm literally conditioned to choke anyone that does that with said airhorn before it goes off." Judging from his tone and expression he wasn't joking either.

"How do you even condition someone for that?" Local Issei asked half in disbelief and half in genuine confusion.

The guest shivered slightly and his eyes dilated, clearly reliving some sort of traumatic experience. "With unnecessary quantities of baby oil and terminal velocity wrenches."

"What?"

The otherworld Issei, both expecting and ignoring their reactions, sighed before reaching behind his back, manifesting and dismissing his Sacred Gear in a flicker, and pulling out a very mint condition porn book.

"How about this? You take this and we call it even. I got what I came for so you don't have to worry about it happening again anyways." He held up the parcel. The perverted duo took it and examined it as if they'd been presented with some kind of jewel or bauble in need of appraisal. After a moment, they glanced at each other and nodded.

"All is forgiven." They declared solemnly before turning and not-so-discreetly looking at the book while whispering excitedly. The visiting Issei took this as his cue to leave and promptly blinked out of the training ground.

"I think I changed my mind, Bennia." Rias frowned. "Go over there and spar with all four of them. Feel free to hit the two perverts extra hard."

Even with her tired-looking eyes, no one would've missed the glint in them as the little Reaper smiled mischievously.

A Few Hours Later

"Not a bad workout." Bennia stretched her arms over her head while sighing contentedly. She had just left the training grounds, leaving a roughed up Tsubaki and Yura dusting themselves off while local Issei and Saji scampered off to scrub away the large collection of footprints all over their bodies from their earlier ass-beating.

Naturally, she had used her scythe during the fight, albeit with a spell that temporarily took away its edge, but there was something just inherently fun about literally kicking the asses of the two perverts, at least for her anyway. Now she found herself walking through the halls once again, wondering what they'd be eating for dinner that night.

She did admittedly find it a little strange that she could still worry about little things like that when a literal war was going on, but it was probably the seeming peacefulness of the mansion which allowed her to have such a mindset, even if it was raining.

Raining upwards?

Bennia stopped and looked out the large window she'd just passed by. It was then she saw Sona standing in the rain, dry as a bone. The reason for that being that the Sitri heiress had her hands up and was manipulating the droplets.

Drop after drop halted midfall, hanging momentarily suspended in midair before reversing course back towards the sky. It was joined by every drop on the grass and the surrounding area in an increasing radius, even coming out of Sona's clothes to join a developing formation in the sky. Bennia's mouth opened in a small 'o' while her eyes widened slightly. The reason being the construct slowly forming in the air several feet above Sona: giant cogs and gears.

Indeed, it looked more and more like the innards of the London Clocktower as she continued to shape and manipulate the falling rain.

'Wow, wonder where her inspiration for that came from?' Bennia mused before continuing on. It was shortly after that she entered another hallway and stopped at one of the doors when she heard a couple voices.

"Are… are you sure it's okay?"

'Is that local Issei? He must've booked it to get down here so quickly.' Bennia wondered before hearing another voice she didn't expect to be there.

"It's okay, Issei." The voice of the Angel girl, Irina, assured. "Go ahead and touch them."

'Oh, what's going on here?' The half reaper smiled mischievously.

"A-Alright." The Twice Critical wielder gulped. There was some movement, and Irina's voice hitched slightly. "Sorry, are you—?"

"No, it's fine." The former exorcist promised. She sounded a little… aroused? "I just never realized how sensitive they were, you're the first one to ever touch them."

"I had no idea. They're so soft."

"They're wonderful, aren't they? I can't speak for the others, but these, at the very least, you don't have to be afraid of."

"I'll remember that. I'll memorize every detail of them I can so that I can spot you, even from a distance. It won't be hard, I've already decided that yours are the most beautiful ones I've ever seen."

"You're making me blush, Issei."

"But it's true, your wings really are beautiful."

'My disappointment is immeasurable and my day is now ruined.' Bennia sighed while moving away from the door. 'Guess they're doing a little therapy in there. Oh well, I'll just go read some of those funky JoJo manga Buchou got ahold of.'

With that, she headed back to her room.

As for local Issei and Irina, they had one other matter to take care of.

The Next Day: The Home of Local Issei

"It's so wonderful to see you again!" Issei's mother, Aiko, exclaimed. She and her husband were currently sitting in chairs across from their son and his childhood friend, who were seated on the couch. Naturally, Irina was dressed more casually, electing to wear a white blouse and black pants.

She didn't realize just how tight the black pants were until she put them on and by that point it was too late since they were running behind. "I know, it's been a few years." Irina smiled warmly. "How have you both been?"

"We've been doing well enough." Issei's father, Ichirou, answered. "Naturally, it's been a little challenging with Karasuba being the tomboy she is and Issei developing so many perversions."

"There is nothing abnormal about a guy liking boobs!" Issei insisted with his hands in the air. "We've gone over this before."

"But it isn't great when you get caught peeping on the girls' locker room." Aiko reminded with a humorous smile.

"You peep on the girls' locker room at school?" Irina tilted her head questioningly.

"My friends and I discovered a hole in the wall!" Issei defended. "We had no idea it was to there!"

"Of course you reported it—eventually." Ichirou quipped. "The Student Council President most certainly didn't catch you and your two friends peeping and attempt to expel you for it."

"The hole got patched and everything was fine! Can we please finally move one from it?!" The Twice Critical wielder insisted with clenched fists.

"Nope. Mother's rights. I have free reign to bring it up whenever I so choose." Aiko's grin was both mischievous and sadistic.

Issei groaned, knowing a lost argument when he saw one. "Anyway, why don't you tell them what you've been up to, Irina?"

"Where to even begin?" She laughed. "Father's business still has us hopping all over the place, but I think he's finally found a more permanent position in this part of the world."

"That's wonderful news." Aiko clapped her hands together. "Do you live far? I simply love having you over again, but I wouldn't want you traveling from a whole city away just to visit us."

"Not far at all." The chestnut-haired girl chirped happily. "I'm hoping to visit a lot. I've been to so many places but my fondest memories are here."

"And the good news is Issei knows you're a girl this time." Ichirou laughed.

"DAAAAAAADD!" Issei groaned. He should've figured his parents would embarrass him a bit. Still, it was nice that he was able to do something like this right now. So much supernatural stuff had been happening recently that he hadn't had a lot of time to relax and be a normal teenager. And Irina, he was still kicking himself for not noticing how beautiful she was before.

It was on this night that local Issei strengthened his resolve to protect the world. Many other members of the three Peerages would echo these feelings, all of them having something they wished to protect.

As the sun rose on the next day, they set out for a meeting that would determine the future of not only the Three Factions, but potentially even the universe itself.

Omake: Midnight Beer Delivery

The Home of Shirou Emiya

"Is there a reason we have to be up at this hour for training?" Local Issei covered his mouth to stifle a yawn.

"Unfortunately, this is about the only time we can do this type of training." I informed regretfully. "I've tried scheduling other times, but as you can imagine it's hard for me to find a consistent time when I'm here."

"What even is the training, anyway?" Otherworld Issei moved to take a drink from the beer in his hand, only to apparently realize it was empty before turning to the side to see the fourth member of our group smiling and looking innocent in a way that fooled absolutely nobody. "And why's the Psycho Ninja Puppy here? I know I recommended some tougher training for Mini-Me, but is it going to be that bad?"

"Asia is the training." I explained while jerking my thumb in her direction.

"Ah. So we're going down that route. My condolences." The guest deadpanned, giving his counterpart a look of genuine pity.

I continued. "As you've noticed, we're low on alcohol, which is why we're having a midnight beer delivery. Your job is to distract Asia until the delivery guy safely offloads it."

"And what happens if I fail?" Local Issei dared to ask.

"Horror." I responded simply with a serious look.

"Unimaginable and humiliating horror." Otherworld Issei added while sticking his head out from behind me.

"I guess I'll stand by the door or something then." The Twice Critical wielder shrugged.

"Good luuuuuck!" Asia sang with an overly sweet smile on her face. The kind that, coincidentally, promised unimaginable horror.

"One question." Local Issei whispered to me. "Where does the delivery guy usually show up?"

"Typically the front door." I shrugged. "But Asia's clever. If she gets out of sight you can basically kiss the whole delivery goodbye."

"Okay, so keep an eye on her and distract her for a few minutes." He nodded in understanding. "What time does the delivery usually show up?"

"They're pretty punctual so—"

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

We both looked at the clock. "Alright that's the… oh my God." Asia was already out of sight. I heard a grunt of pain behind me, no doubt Local Issei getting a slight headache from my words, but I ignored it.

"I don't know why, but this whole chaos-gremlin bit feels oddly familiar." The Otherworld Issei hummed thoughtfully.

"I hate you. I hate you so much sometimes." His Ddraig's gem-like eye materialized on the back of his hand and glared murderously at his host. Clearly our guest was as difficult to control as a child as he was right now.

"It's on the tip of my tongue…"

"You know damn well everyone back home would ream you a new one if you tried playing oblivious with them."

"Right. Assman. He was totally out of control as a kid." He obliviously came to his own conclusion, apparently without hearing a single word his Ddraig said.

"I'm going to tell Vali and Jaz about this the next time we meet. You will suffer in your re-education."

Who was Jaz?

"Suffer for what now?"

I instinctively put in an effort to stay away from that conversation. The less part I had to play in it, the better.

"Beer delivery." The voice of the delivery man called from outside. "Sign here—oh no, not you again!"

The sound of cans crashing and screams of terror followed accompanied by Asia's manic, shrieking laughter. It ended with the sound of a loud belch, signaling the whole order had now been consumed or destroyed.

"And now we have to make a midnight beer run." I sighed while rubbing the bridge of my nose.

"Why?! Why did I forget you until you came back?! Why do I keep delivering he—No! Not the legs! I need those for transporting beer! And my body!"

WHAM!

"No! My body! And my legs!"

"Dibs on not moving her from the victim." Otherworld Issei lifted his hand as though making a vote.

"Dibs." I instinctively voted.

"Di—oh come on!"

We really need to start laying off the poor kid. Leaving him alone against Asia is, in hindsight, just unfair.

"WHYHYHYHYYYYY?!"

And tipping the delivery guy better.

Alright, who can name the reference in that little Omake? Hint, the whole Omake is a reference to another show. But even if you don't know feel free to leave a comment or review about what you liked/disliked or if you've got any neat ideas for future chapters! And stop by my Pat reon for news and other tidbits about what's going on in this particular corner of the writing world! Be sure to stop in next time as the meeting with the three factions, naturally, goes a little off the rails. 'Til then!