Hi everyone,
so here's the next chapter I hope you enjoy it. Sorry if it's a little sort I've recently started an online course so I have been a little busier than usual. But I promise I will try and get at least one chapter out a week! Thank you to all my wonderful reviewers!
Much Love 3
Hermione's Point of View
My teeth chatter together on the walk back to the common room. I have to hold my hand against my jaw to stop it. I use the corner of my sleeve to furiously wipe away any tear that tries to fall. I will not be so childish as to cry over Draco Malfoy.
In the midst of my thoughts about what just happened in McGonagall's class, I forget something that Ginny had said before it's too late. When I enter the common room the majority of the students turn around and applaud. But it doesn't last very long. Once they take in my expression and the constant chattering of my jaw, they turn quiet. Ginny makes her way through the crowd, taking my arm and excusing our way through the crowd. I barely see anyone's faces through the tears in my eyes. There are but concerned, colourful blurs against the backdrop of the common room.
As she guides me up the stairs, I feel a hand on my leg.
"Hermione, what happened?" Harry calls from the bottom of the spiral stairwell. I look down at him and as the tears drop, he comes into focus and I see his familiar face. I leave go of Ginny's arm and throw myself down the step into his arms. He wraps his arms around my waist but there is a hardness to his stature. I know that he is confused as to what is going on. I can feel it circling above us right now.
"I just need a hug," I murmur into his shoulder.
"Of course," Harry says rubbing a reassuring hand over my back. I push away from him and smile, wiping my tears off of my sleeve again.
"Is everything okay?" Harry asks, his eyes clear with concern. I can see Ron making his way over through the crowd but I don't want to have a huge conversation here on the stairwell.
"I'm just a little overwhelmed is all," I lie. He nods and smiles softly at me.
"Well you go upstairs with Ginny and Ron and I will come to check on you later, okay?" Harry says. I nod back at him.
Looking at him now how could I ever tell him that I had been so easily conned by Malfoy. That I had fallen right into whatever malicious trap he had set for me and in fact, I had done it freely. How could I ever admit to Harry that I had wanted to do it? He would never forgive me.
I turn towards Ginny and link my arm through hers as we continue our way upstairs. Once in the dormitory, it's a little easier to breathe and I don't feel as if I have to stop the tears all so much when Ginny is the only person who is going to see them fall. She lays me down on my bed and sits on the edge of it. I reach over and pick up my blanket off the floor and Ginny helps me cover myself in it. It still has moments when it smells of my mother.
"Hermione you should not have gone," Ginny says. I turn my face away from her and breathe into the duvet. It soaked within a few seconds.
"You should have waited until tomorrow or next week even. You should have waited until you were ready," Ginny states. I turn back towards her.
"Would I ever have been really ready to see that Gin?" Ginny shrugs uncomfortably and pulls her knees up towards her chest. I sigh realising it's not her that I'm angry at.
"I'm sorry," I say. Ginny smiles bashfully.
"You don't need to apologise Hermione. I understand," she says. They're comforting words to hear but unfortunately, that's all they are. Just words. Ginny truly has no idea what it's like to be made this much of a fool out of. How easy it was for Malfoy to keep this from me.
Ginny picks lint off of her jumper nervously as she watches me.
"Hermione?"
"Yeah?" I answer.
"What did he say?" she asks. I look away and stare up at the ceiling. I look at the tops of the four-poster bed and how close it is to touching the ceiling.
"What could he say? It was there, plain as day on his arm," I say. Ginny leans forward and dabs at my cheeks with her tissue.
"He even had the audacity to..." I start but stop because the anger inside me is too much. I pull the blanket up around my face as it turns red.
"What did he do?" Ginny asks, leaning forward towards me.
"He kissed me, Ginny," I admit after a long pause. Ginny covers her mouth with her hands as she gasps.
"You kissed him!" She exclaims behind her hands.
"No, he kissed me. He tricked me," I mutter, embarrassed.
"How did he trick you?" Ginny asks as her brows furrow together in confusion.
"I told him about the spell. I asked him first so he could tell me the truth. I asked him and he said no so I took out my wand but he stopped me. He tricked me by saying he wanted to ask me something first and before I knew it he was kissing me," I admit, hiding as much as I can in my mother's old blanket.
Ginny cups her forehead as she weighs up this information. She stares at me in total bewilderment.
"I did not see that coming," she admits sheepishly.
"So, he just lied so he could kiss you first?" Ginny asks. I nod as Ginny leans back on the bed and I scoot over to make room for her. We both sit there in silence for a while just staring at the ceiling.
"Hermione, I'm really sorry that this happened," Ginny says and I lean into her a little bit.
"I guess it was only a matter of time," I say. "Since he obviously had it planned from the start."
"I disagree," Ginny states, leaning on her elbow to look down at me in the bed. I look at her in bewilderment.
"How so?"
"Well, he has the mark, right?" Ginny ask to which I nod.
"So, he hasn't been home at all this year so it's plausible to say that he's had it since summer. That he's been a Death Eater this entire time," she says. I continue to stare at her in confusion.
"I don't think any decision Malfoy has made has been made lightly. He knows the position he is in and being around someone with your blood status for him is a huge deal. I would have said yeah for sure he was doing it as a joke before. But now that he has the mark, he knows how serious things are."
Ginny notices my unbelieving expression and raising her hands in defence.
"I'm just saying, Hermione that I don't think he planned all of this. They made Malfoy a Death Eater for a reason and I doubt it was to play games with you after hours in McGonagall's room," Ginny says. I blush as I pull the blanket up over my face.
"Now that he has the mark it's too risky for him to do these kinds of things and yet, from what you've told me it seems like he doesn't care too much about the rules when it comes to you," Ginny adds.
"Okay so, what? Do you want me to go back down there and congratulate him? Tell him the mark doesn't matter to me?" I berate.
"No, I'm just saying that-"
"What? What are you trying to say!" I shout.
"I'm just saying that he's still a person, Hermione. You don't have to cast him out to sea because he doesn't 100% believe in your morals!" Ginny shouts back.
"He's a Death Eater, Ginny," I say more softly this time, a lot of the fight gone out of me.
"Yes, he is. But he's also just a boy, Hermione. He's only seventeen years old. You are only seventeen years old. I am only sixteen years old. Maybe, just maybe we don't know everything. Maybe this isn't all we're ever going to amount too. If it were me in his situation, I don't think I would be able to do it," Ginny says. Her words remind me of what Malfoy had said at the end, that I would never be able to handle being in his position. To hear Ginny say it adds weight to his words.
"His situation?" I ask.
"Have you not given it much thought?" Ginny asks. I guess that I hadn't really.
"To grow up in that kind of environment? With Lucius Malfoy as a mentor? I'm surprised Malfoy hasn't done even more messed up shit than he has!" Ginny exclaims.
"You and I grew up in households where our parents loved us and nurtured us and listened to what we had to say. Can you imagine what kind of shit he grew up with?" Ginny says.
"Why are you so empathetic all of a sudden?" I ask, feeling uneasy about the direction in which the conversation is going.
"I'm not. I just know you, Hermione. I know that you don't want to admit that you might be wrong about him."
"You were the one who gave me the spell. You were the one talking about all this damming evidence against him?" I blurt out.
"I know that I did but after that day at the hospital I actually looked at him and watched him," she admits.
"What do you mean you watched him?" I ask, feeling uneasy.
"I didn't want to say this because I assumed how tonight was going to go but after I gave you that spell, I thought about how much was going to change once we were certain about it and I found myself just watching him. He was so different Hermione," Ginny says.
"Different?"
"He was almost …normal. It was surreal to watch him. I guess I got a little caught up in it," Ginny admits bashfully.
"Ginny? you're rambling," I say.
"Hermione, he was hurting. It was as plain as day if you knew what to look for. He hid it well but he wasn't always able to hide it. I suppose he didn't know I was looking," Ginny admits.
I push up off the bed and pull the blanket down, leaving room for Ginny to climb in. Once we're comfortable in the bed I lay my head against Ginny's as we both stare off into the distance.
"What are you trying to say, Ginny?" I ask, slicing through the silence.
"I'm not trying to say anything Hermione. I'm just trying to let you know that there are two sides to every story. Not just yours," she states.
"So, you want me to just forget that he's a Death Eater because he has feelings now?" I ask, shocked.
"No, I want you to acknowledge that he does, in fact, have feelings. That he's not just this status that he has suddenly acquired. That he's human just like me or you."
"Ginny, I don't know about all this. It's a lot to process in one night," I say, turning over and pulling the blanket up over my ears.
"I know Hermione. I know he did a lot of horrible shit and that he lied. But when you're over-analysing and over-thinking everything just remember that there is still a person behind the mask," Ginny says and with that, she lifts the blanket, grabs her shoes and waves goodbye from the dormitory door.
I stay awake long after the noise in the common room has quietened down. Even long after the other girls in the dorm have fallen asleep. It's only when the birds outside the window start chirping against the soft blue light of the morning do I finally fall asleep.
The next morning when the girls get up the thumping starts in my head so I take one of the small vials madame Pomfrey gave me for pain management. When I've taken two, I count the rest and decide to ration them better. I don't want to have to go back to Madam Pomfrey and ask for more in the first two days of being discharged.
When I settle down in the Great Hall for breakfast our usual spot is empty and I'm shiningly happy for the break. I grab the tea first but think against it and pour myself a bigger cup than usual of coffee.
"I don't know how you drink that stuff," Ron says as he slings into the seat beside me. I sigh a little, angry at myself for being annoyed by him. It's not him I'm angry at. It's never even Ginny.
"It's a muggle fascination I couldn't really give up," I admit sheepishly as I bring the alluring aroma close to my mouth.
"You look really tired, Mione. Are you sure you couldn't just get a slip from Pomfrey to excuse you for another day?" Ron asks, shovelling pastries into his mouth.
"Thanks for the vote of confidence, Ron," I shrug. He laughs in return and hands me one of the warmer pastries. I smile at him as I nibble around the edges. Ron grabs another handful of pastries as he stands, muttering something about trying to get in some Quidditch training in before the first period.
More students enter the great hall to grab some food before the house-elves clear it. I can't help but watch the doors for him. After everything that has happened, I want to see his face and see the recognition that what happened last night was real. But I already know it is true. It's the only thing I've thought about all night and all morning.
When I've had two extra-large cups of coffee Ginny finally makes her way to our usual spot, sliding in beside me. At this point, I'm not bothered by the company since the caffeine has finally started to work. She eats quietly for a moment gauging my reaction from the corner of her eye before speaking.
"I have an idea," Ginny mutters as Malfoy finally enters. We watch as he moves quickly through the crowds of students exiting to make their way to their first class. His robes sit ruffled on his shoulders, his appearance dishevelled and his hair is pushed back instead of hanging low over his eyes. He joins Blaise and Pansy at the Slytherin table and keeps his eyes low.
Ginny calls my name to get my attention.
"I said I have an idea." I turn to face her, taking another sip from my coffee.
"Ginny, I don't really want to do this right now. I appreciate it, honestly. I'm just really tired," I tell her. She frowns, biting into her cereal.
"Look, I know you feel guilty about keeping this from Harry and Ron," she starts. I stare at her and notice the conviction in her eyes, knowing she's going to keep going regardless of whether or not I answer.
"This kind of information we have on Malfoy can only be told by you," she says.
"Thanks, Ginny like I didn't already feel the weight of what I know," I sigh.
"No I mean it will sound better coming from you. But what if what you told Harry and Ron wasn't just bad news?" Ginny asks, a hint of excitement present in her voice. I laugh.
"The only way that's going to happen is if I lie Ginny, and I'm not going to lie to them. That's even worse," I admit.
"No, no! I'm not asking you to lie, Hermione"
"Then what are you proposing?" I ask.
"I'm saying what if you change the outcome of what you have to tell them," Ginny suggests.
"Ginny you're literally rambling right now," I laugh, finishing up my breakfast. I put the coffee cup down and gather my books for the first class.
"Look, Hermione," she says taking my arm. "I was thinking about this all night and I think I figured out a way to change the outcome. Only you can do it."
"Do what?"
"Change him, Hermione. So when you have to tell Harry and Ron, Malfoy could be an ally and not an enemy," she exclaims. I grab her arm and hush her frantically.
"Are you insane, Ginny! Malfoy isn't just going to magically switch sides," I explain.
"Hermione, you can do this! You're the only person who can! Don't you see it?" Ginny asks. I grab my stuff and Ginny stops me.
"You can make him see reason, Hermione. I've seen the way he looks at you. I truly believe you can get through to him." Ginny's expression is so intense I can't help but want to believe what's she's saying. But I'm not sure what she's saying is even possible. There does not seem to be any universe where it is even feasible that a Death Eater could possibly turn over to the light side let alone Malfoy.
In the silence that pours out between us, I find myself looking over towards the Slytherin table to a familiar pair of eyes. They're dark and heavy against the laughter coming from Blaise and Pansy. But they're there and they're watching me as he had promised so long ago. I can see so much in them, so much pain, hurt and confusion. All the words he cannot say are there and somehow without my knowing, I am able to see them and understand them. Over the noise of the great hall, we share are silent moment and I'm not entirely sure how I feel about it.
"You care about him, don't you?" Ginny's voice cuts through the silence. I break the eye contact and laugh nervously.
"Come on, Hermione. It's obvious. I know that you feel guilty about feeling that way because of what he is now but you can change it," Ginny reassures me.
"Honestly Ginny, I don't think this is even possible," I admit finally hoping she'll just drop it.
Ginny turns her attention towards the Slytherin table momentarily and then back to me. She stands and grabs her things from the chair beside her.
"This isn't the end for him, Hermione. He's just a little lost right now," Ginny says, smiling sadly at me as she walks away. I watch her leave, disappearing amongst the other students congregating at the doorway.
I look over at the Slytherin table and watch as Malfoy seems to be having a heated conversation with Pansy. He bats her hand away as she tries to hang her arm around his neck. He notices me watching and I wonder for a moment what it would be like if our situations were reversed. If I, in fact, was the one in his position sitting at the Slytherin table with the weight of the world on my shoulders.
For once I think he might be right. I wouldn't be able to cope.